THE COLUMBIAN, BLOOMSBURG, PA. "WHAT IT ALL MEANS." Em li f-ve lie moots me at tlto gt ll r brow h ropes on It ; Anil fur one klxa alia ittov m eight (Unit nuHiis a sumuiur buniioO. Ench (llih that most dollghta my eye The tnblB has iiihiii it i An, I Diar. try til.. anil till." ahtorle (Thai means aumwer bonnet). Mv !liorii dlwnyi are In atht) Si v minikin cap. 1 don Us fill.-niiokfs mjr hulr; "You're tired to-night' , (.1 lull minus a uuimer bumietj. gurh kind attimtlnni I Nnror aw I Li' lino : Hi'BVn hlt'Mlnit on It t God 1 I n ooih wife ami motliur-iu-law (.Hull menus a ununr bonnet). - Kt.it 1 Kerr, In Homo and Countr). THE DEMON UMBRELLA, Wo were having dinner, my friend Harili'.v nml 1, In the Barclay street restaurant of tho Astur liouso thu pluee where you feel ns If you nra ilonu cellar In tbo pyramid of Cheops, and wherw you van look out of a sub terranean window across a stone crypt, which promises mummies, Into that jtarlsh courtyard, tho Uotuuda, and catch a glance of a mural camel und have the Kgyptlau Idea further realized. "Odd not'on yon have," said Hart ley while we were waiting for coffee, "that of carrying the poorest umbrel la in New York." My umbrella was poor, but It was not altogether my fault. I explained lo him that a few morning before a thoughtless gentleman, name and 1'irsi'ut address unknown, had Inad vertently walked off with my hat and umiu-eila while I was be'ng served in a barber shop, leaving behind Ills own, the hat a season in the rear of the god dess l'ash'on, and with a red lining In It, and the umbrella somewhat bat tered and bulgy. A messenger boy, brought me a new hat. but tho um brella I look aloii'Z. "I believe," I eimr'nued, "that I'll throw that um brella away to-night and get a new; one In the morning." A bright Idea struck mo. "I'll leave It right bere." I said, and I tucked It behind tho steam radiator, unseen of any. The dinner was soon over, and wo rose find started out. I bad forgotten about tho umbrella. I heard a quick step behind me and looked around. "Ah. !!( shentleman forgeets hees um brella!" exclaimed the waiter, and with a grand flourish ho held out the the shabby wreck In all Its horror. I took It and we walked out. "Did you see the pretty girl who ' was dining with that old boy on the left smiling at your umbrella?" asked Hartley. 1 had observed that smilo. "Come up with me," I said. "I'll leave It In the elevated car no trouble about leaving an umbrella there I've left two there during the last year." "I can't do It," replied Hartley, who Is employed on a morning paper. "I shall be late to-night. Besides, I couldn't Imperil my social standing by walking with a man who waa carrying such an umbrella. Better jab It In the first ash can you come to." I made no reply to this bit of peas antry and walked off, carrying the umbrella at a modified parade rest. At Park place I took the elevated. In side I sat down next a kindly ap pearing old gentleman, who was read ing the Evening Tost. As we swung In under the steady glow of the great Judson memorial cross he folded his paper carefully,' apparently with the intention of getting it bound, took off his gold-rlmmed eyeglasses, smacked his lips as if the Intellectual draught had been satisfactory, and said: 'Tardon me, but can you Inform me where I can find the 'lost and found' bureau of tho elevated roads?" "Down In tho neighborhood of Morris street." I answered. "Ah, Indeed thank you. I left my umbrella In the train this morning and I must look It up to-morrow." "You may find It there," I said en couragingly, "The place Is upstairs. A blond young man with a puckered mouth will meet you and after taking down a minute description of your umbrella, together with tho exact minute of the loss, and the road, train, car, seat and station where It occurred, he will retire Into a sort of an umbrella library, where he has about 4,(MM) of them arranged and catalogued on shelves, and look the matter up." "You have had the experience," ob served the kindly old gentleman. "Many times," I returned careless ly. "I usually have one or two on, deposit there." I had slipped tho an cient specimen I was carrying over next to, the window, and was leaning forward so as to hldo It. "Twenty third street!" shouted tho guard. I rose and started back hastily. I felt my heart beating as I approached the door. Then en me the voice of the old gentleman. "Here, here!" ho called, sharply; "you've forgotten your um brella." I turned and took Jt from his hand. "Came near Increasing your account w'th the road, eh?" and the old reprobate chuckled as he sank back In his seat. "Step lively!" bel lowed the guard. I turned and ran out; the gate smote my heel as I reached the platform. An elevated guard should have had no trouble In disposing of tho remarkable Mr, - Achilles. I stopped at the news stand on my way out and bought nn evening pa per. "HI, there, boss," said the por ter, "you's leavln' yo' umbrella." I picked it up and tied down the stairs. I hurried through Twenty-third street, clutching the handle of tho umbrella, and turned the corner and starred up Broadway. I had not gone far when a barber's sign caught my eye. "This Is my chance," I thought to myself. "I got the accursed thing in a barber shop and there will I leave It." I went in and was soon having my hair cut, though tho oper- ation was not demanded. There is something soothing about a barber's chair; it conduces to calm, dispassion ate thought; with an opportune hair cut Caesar might or might not have plunged Impetuously across the Hubl con. I saw that I had so far been act ing with too great hasto. Iiwtead of leasiniug out a course and following It 1 had 'been rushing blindly along, depending wholly on chance. I arose , fii:ii tho chair with a firm purpose. 'J'h brush "noy handed me my hat, m l I turned quickly and started for Mie duor. "Iieah's you' umbrella, j;ih." aid the boy, as ho came in hot rAirsult. I turned deliberately, lookv j d at it and said: "You've made a mistake that Is not my umbrella." .... t - t. , t.i, .Musi oe, sun jo 'urouxui mi liea li yo won in n t do carryitr no other gent's umbrella, sah." Ho held tho thing up In tho glare of the lights. "I had no umbrella," I said sternly. "Yous fo'got, sah. Only umbrella In the rack noticed It partlc'Iar when you come In." The barbers had all stopped work, and half-lathered cus tomers were rising up In their chairs. I weakened. "I believe It Is mine," I said, fti I took It and again fled, while the boy pocketed his tip and observed: "DI yero ain't d shop where we's ever mistaken 'bout no umbrellas." But 1 determined to retain my self composuro at any cost of mental strain. I boarded an uptown Broad way car with another bold resolve in mind. Incidentally I decided to try tho car, though I had smnll hopes of It. At Thirty-sixth street I rose to get off, leaving the umbrella behind,! but 1 met the reproachful eyo or the conductor and went back and picked it up. 1 walked east through Thirty-sixth street. My plan was diabolical In Its nature, but 1 hoped for good results It was nothing more nor less than to call on a certain friend anil desert tho thing In his hall. In five minutes I was In tho eas'est chair, busily en gaged In conversation. But I do not remember of what we talked my heart was In the hall, with the um brella. 1 know not how long 1 stay ed or how 1 got away. My first dis tinct nvollectlon is of walking rapid ly along the street almost running toward the lights on tho corner. I reached them, dodged around the cor ner, caught my breath, then again stopped breathing as I heard rapid steps behind me. "Hold on. old mail," said my friend, "you're running off without, your umbrella. Madge said It could't be yours, but I told her I knew better, so here It Is." "Why. yes, It's mine thank yon stupid thing for me to do sorry to put you to the trouble." Again it had wound Its tentacles around me. I went down Mad'son avenue, and thou turned through Thirty-fifth street and walked to Third avenue. I was be ginning to feel desperate again. I topped on the corner, stood the um brella against a lamp post and pre tended to button my glove. Then I walked off with assumed careless ness. A small boy chased after me, restored my umbrella and did not re fuse a quarter for his kindness. I turned in nt a cheap concert hall and sat ten minutes, but of course a beer bespattered waiter overtook me at the door with it. I gave him a dime. I walked down the avenue clutching my inanimate enemy in both bands. Overhead the elveated trains roared. I looked at ' their disappearing red lights, and entertained a wild notion of hurling the umbrella up on the platform of one of them. Then I turned my thoughts In tho opposite direction and considered stuffing it down a sewer opening. But there were too many people about for either move. I went on under tho sputter ing arc Hghts and among the drifting crowds of people till I reached Four teenth street. A newsloy stood on tho comer smoking the stub of a cigar ette. I walked up to him and held out the umbrella. "Sonny," I said, "don't you want an umbrella?" "Mean t' give it ter a feller?" "Yes." He looked at it again and then up at me, and said with virtuous indig nation: "Does yer tako dls fer a fence? Mobby I didn't know Con O'Connell. Were's Con to-day? Con ' received stolen goods, an' w'ere Is he now, I ask yer?" He turned on his heel and walked away. I went through Fourteenth street meditating deeply. Before I reached Broadway I had determined to go over Into old Green wloh village and see what I could do. 1 felt that I knew every crook and turn of OrOeonwich; I am one of those that love the Ninth ward, and I have the courage of my love; I live there. Many others love it, and write glowingly about their love, but they are found living above Fifty-ninth street, and sometimes it 1s necessary to penetrate Harlem to find their holm's, or even to make a trek into BriMklyn. I zigzaged across town to Seventh and Greenwich avenues and turned down the latter. As I passed tho end of Terry street, In which I lived, I encountered my friend Officer Dooney standing majestically on the outpost of his dominions. I have al ways made it a practice to cultivate the ollleer on the beat where I live. "A folue evening, It Is, sor," observ ed Otilcer Dooney. "Yes." I replied. "What do you think of the appointment to-day?" "A shplendld one, sor. W'y, I was afther knowln' Miles Garvey on the ould sod. A folne Judge he'll make, an not be worryln' the life out of a patrolman for the minor and super-r-tluous pnr-r-tlculars." "It was another victory for Tam many, of course?" "Quito roight you are, sor. The Hall does do tho wo-r-rk, and It Is desarvlu' of tho rewar-r-ds and per-reck-esits." "Has your brother been put on yet?" "He goes on the foorce nlxt weew, t ank you, sor. An' me ould neighbor I was spaklng to you about, d'ye moind him?" "Yes." "They put Wm on a broom to-day, sor." I went down the avenue to Jeffer son Market and turned Into Chrlstou pher street. I had bethought me of the canyon called Gay street. I knew, that Gay street. I knew that if thore was one place better than another for making an on orphan of your umbrel la it is Gay street. I knew how lonely aud desorted Gay street is at that hour of the night how the battered shutters are closed, and tbo old fash ioned doors barred, with express wa gons filling the roadway, their up turned thills bristling I'.ka a field of hop poles. I knew that the big clock of Jefferson market is tho only thing which keeps bs eye on Gay street in the night. Hut tpeclally I knew that Gay street does not tako in her ash cans at nigh'.. I would rear my um brella in a Gay street ash can and leave it among the boo voles. I tunn ed down the street's tortuous course, 'Half way along it stood nn nsh can filled to overflowing. I Jabbed tho sharp end of the umbrella a foot into the soft ashes and stepped back and admired my work. At last I was rid of the thing. Now I could laugh tgaln. Oneo more I could I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder aud look ed up at a tall, long-haired man, who "ame out of tho shadow of some front steps. "Dake dot t'lng avny, you pauber," ho said. "If you don't got no con oft your own donn bo stlckln' It In udder people's. Dake It away, or I hollers for der bolico like I vas grazy!" I took it and once more moved wearily on. Around the corner In Waverly place I went closo to tho edge of tho sidewalk, dropjted tho umbrella In the 'gutter and walked iway quickly. "Feck It 'up," said a policeman, starting out of a passage doorway. "Feck It up and move on wld ye. Do you t'lnk Tom Br-r-ennan has nothing at all to do but cart away such trusli as yon do be havlu'?" So I took It along with me. 1 walked on and turned down Grove street. 1 made up my mind that there was one more chance. If that failed nothing remained I would keep tho umbrella and carry It. Grove street seemed lonely and deserted, but I knew It wasn't. I was not the inexperienced thing that I had been earlier In the evening. I turned down Hudson street, anil then went through Barrow toward the river. At Wash ington there was a pile of bricks. I stopped In the shadow, undid the cord which held tho ribs of my umbrella and dropped two bricks Into the bulg ing cavern. It would have held more. I picked up a piece of paper and did up tlie umbrella In it, making a fairly neat, oblong package. Then I hurried along to West street. It was nblazo with lights, and 'longshoremen were crowding along Its single terrestrial side. But I heeded them not and crossed and stole along closo to tho piers and ferry slip. I soon came to a pier which seemed to suit my dark purpose. I crept out on It. Thero was a pile of lumber at the, outer end. but no living thing In sight. Tho moon looked hazy; and Liberty's llgh't shown far away with uncertain lus tre. Tho cool breeze from the river touched my glowing face, but thero was no tlmo to stop to enjoy it. I tiptoed to the stringplece and cast my burden from me. It went down into the black waters with a dull splash. "Halt!" cried a man, coming from behind the lumber. 1 saw he was a watchman and stood helpless. Ho whistled shrilly and an ollleer and a dozen men came running down the pier. "Arrest th!s man, Mahoney," said the watchman. "He thro wed a baby, Into tho river I beared it cry." "I wa a-watclng of the felly, sneaking along meself." said the offi cer, as he took hold of my arm as if he were Admiral Farragut in the rig ging of the Hartford and I was the rigging. He started away with me, and soon a crowd of fifty people were at our heels. "Do you need to walk quite so fast? I asked. "Dom you, it's fer yer own good," said Mahoney. "Do youse want to be lynched?" He marched me into the Charles street police station. "What's the charge, officer?" asked tho man at the desk. "Murther, sergeant," answered Ma honey. "He t'rowed a che-ild into the Nort' Biver." ' "See here, sergeant," I said, "this Is absurd. I threw an umbrella into the river that was all." "We'll have to hold you. Explain to the Judge in the morning." He picked up a pen and began writing. "Infanticide name? age? " "Where's . Officer Dooney? He knows me." ' "Call Dooney," said the sergeant. Officer Dooney came In from the next room nnd looked at mo with as tonishment as he heard the charge. "There must be a mistake," he said. "I know him to be of good cha-rack-ter. I talked wid him a nour ago on beat. His actions was reg'lar." "Where's the watchman that heard the child cry?" asked the sergeant. As he spoke this individual burst in at the door, dripping with water and carrying my package in his bauds. "I dovo fer it," shouted this effl cient guardian, in a wet, salty voice. "I dove fer it, sergeant! It ain't no baby it's worse nor that It's a bum dvnermlte he wuz tryln' to blow up the pier!" t He deposited the bundlo carefully on the floor and backed off. Every one retreated from it, oven Officer Dooney. I strode forwnrd and kicked Jt vic iously. Then I stripped off the wet paper, took up the umbrella by tho sharp end and allowed the bricks' to fall to tho floor. "We can't hold you this time," said the sergeant, with a touch of sadness In his voice. In five minutes I was at my lodg ings. I stood tho wet umbrella up carefully in the corner of my bedroom. Softening Icittlier, Glycerine Imparts considerable sup pleness to leather, but soon sweats out in damp air. To fix it in the leather, it should first bo incorporated with four times its weight of the buttery, mass made by dissolving beef fat in warm cod oil. Another method of ren dering tbo glycerine a permanent con stituent of the leather Is to Icorporate It with a small proportion of white of egg; this mixture may bo applied alone, or' may bo followed by the above-described glycerine oil. A so lution of dextrine may be substituted for white of egg if this latter bo too costly. By dissolving a tan-stuff in glycerine and mixing it with cod oil and fat a valuable stuffing for lea ther may be obtained. There Is, how ever, nothing better for leather than castor oil. : ; Reflected Light. It is well known that light reflected from white clouds Is ono of the very, best for lllumiuating tho microscope.' Mr. George Bust writes us that when white clouds are wanting ho moistens tho lingers with watch-oll and spreads an even, but very thin, coat, over the faco of the mirror, which produces much the samo results. American Microscopical Journnl. Are You Fortified? "When you ftro in ft low nf ato of Lcalfli, nnd on tho vorgo of illness, thero ia no nourishment in tho world like Scott's Emulsion to rcstoro B'rongth. Scoll's Emulsion nourishes, elrcnRili. I n o-cn rroniotc8 lh0 linking of solid Scott & Bowne, N. Y. All , ALEXANDER BROTHERS & CO. DEALERS IX Cigars, Tobacco, Candies, Fruits and Huts SOLE AGENTS FOR Henry Mail lard's Fine Candies. Fresh Every Week. :F:b'nin2' Goods jl. SiPEd-a-nyr-sr. SOLE AGENTS FOR F.F. Adams & Co's Fine Cut Chewing Tobacco Solo ftgeuts for the following brands of Cigars' Honry Clay, Londres, No.TT.al, Indian Princess, Samson, Silvor Asb Bloomsburg Pa. SHOES You will soon want school shoes. Remember we have the most complete line of shoes to select from in this part of the State and every shoe selected for its wearing qualities. Call ana see ua and we will save you money on your shoes. We can fit you out in anything you may need in line of hosiery. Our stock is complete. Remember we are closing out everything in the dress goods line and will give you bargains. W E, MQ QBE Corner Main and Iron Streets. What Brings Release from Dirt and Grease? Why Don't You Know? SAP I AM NOW A MAN! Chicago, Oct 6, 1P99. M I wh troubled with muwions ftnd varioocl. aud hud been email? weak for mtsu yean, iJurinn tb lout four leara I triad ererr ramedr that waa aold Al HI WAS. and sot no relief for any of mr trouble until I took CA LTH OS U tared tad rfalored and 1 am bow a man ( K.iiraet treat eae ef tBaaite ef lelUrereetfv by aa.1 Address VON MOHL CO.. Sole B. F. Sharpless, Pres. N. U. BLOOM LAND IMPROVEMENT COMPANY 0 Capital Stock $30,0O0. Plotted property is in the coming business centre of the town. It includes also part of the factory district, and has no equal in desirability for residence purposes. , CHOICE LOTS are offered at values that will be doubled in a 6hort time. No such opportunity can be had elsewhere to make money Lots secured on SMALL MONTHLY PAYMENTS- Maps of the town and of plotted property furnished on ap plication. 1 Call upon or write to the Secretary, or J. 8. Woods, Snles Agent, or any member of the Board of Directors. BOARD OF DIRECTORS. B. F. Sharpless; J; L Dillon. C. W. Neal, A. G. Briggs,' Dr. I.' W. Willits Dr. H. W. McReynolds, u. Funk. ' n-igtf EUCTRIC TCUFHONE ' Pnl.l i t (Ll.t. no rent, no rnraltr. Adnnted Ltr t'ii) , YilltttM or fouiitry. Nt-oed in ivrry . I I - tl ..Mi.... t.m. It ...... tftu'n iiit) ht'ct t-oi'or onenrth. Ayf lit muSif from fcft iof.30 or Uit. (In't in a ie Va h e nitmna u Mile to nil lha Ye tiki l b r. I' in n-ttruinpiit-, no toy, woiki I un u'.'Hrii. rnv lllrtaiH'tt. I nmitltttH. ruurii for rT wbeu nMm f d. ('nil tie m up by any r ne, never out oi nrni r, no r"Hirinv, ihm a nia iini Wiirmmed. A money m.ir-ir. rile W. P. HarriaJfi a Co., Ciu 10, ColumLun, 0, flesh, flinches liio Dioou una tones up tho wholo Bystcm. Tor Coughs, Colds, Soro Tbroat, Eroncliitis, Weak Lutga, Consumption, Scrofula, Anamia, Loss of Flesh, Thin Babies, Weak Children, and all conditions of Wasting. ' Buy only the genuine! Itkn our traJo ma; k on salmon-colored wrapper. Sen J pamphlet en Scott' t Emulsion. FREE. Druggists. BO cents ond $ I. Ifl We will end you the mar velous French preparation CALTH08 free, by aealcd mail, Bnd a legal guarantee tuat Caltuoi will STOPMr-" At HE li. Use it pay if satisfied. American Agents, Cincinnati. O. Funk, Sec. C. II. Cami'cell, Treas. SB URCO Sya LASTING RESETS raw run Wltt w uwnvxmcnce. b mp 0. ' km iennrmia LfaT(iia .thin. . aMuy.iibi rail ' "ijunuui uDite.tce v OL O thin. M ILook Merc ! Do you want n Do you want on Do you wnnt n Do you wnnt anv kind of a MUSICAL IN. STRUMENT? Do you want SHEET MUSIC? If so, do not send your niorw ey away from home, but deal w'ith a reliable dealer right here, who will make things right, if there is anything wrong. For anything in this line the place to go is to 3. Ware-rooms, Main Street be low Market. E. A. RAWLINGS. PltALER IN All Kinds of Meat. Beef, Veal, Lamb. Mutton, Pork, Hams, Bacon, Tongues, Bologna, &c. Free Delivery to all parta of the town. CENTRE STREET, C. H. REICE'S OLD STAND. BLOOMSBURC, PA. Bring Tho Babies. IiiRtntitaneonii Procesi Vsed. Strictly first-class guaranteed nhoto- graphs. crayons and copies at reason able prices. We use exclusively the collodion .Aristotype papers, thus sc curing greater beauty of finish and permanency oi resulls. (JAl'WLLL, MARKET SQUARE GALLERY. 5-ll-lyr. over Uartmaa's Stora. THE MARKETS. BLOOMSBURC MARKETS. COKBICTIP WIIKLT. HETA1L rRICM. Rutter per lb $ .28 Eggs per dozen .22 Lard per lb... 12 Ham per pound .14 Pork, whole, per pound 07 to .08 B;ef, quarter, per pound, . . . 06 to .08 neat per bushel. .70 Oats ' 4 Rye " ' .6$ Wheat flour per bbl. , 3.00 Hay per ton 16 00 to 18.00 Potatoes per bushel, -7S Turnips .25 Onions ' " 1.00 Sweet potatoes per peck. . .,.25 to .30 Tallow per lb .04 Shoulder " " 11 Side meat " " 10 Vinegar, per qt .07 Lined apples per lb .03 Dried cherries, pitted .22 Rispberries .16 Cow Hides per lb 02 Steer " " 03 CalfSkin 40 to .50 Sheep pelts 60 Shelled corn per bus 7S Corn meal, cwt a.oo Bran, " 1.10 Chop " 1.25 Middlings " 1.10 Chickens per lb new .10 " " "old -o Turkeys " " 12 Geese " " .10 Ducks . " .10 Coal. No. 6, delivered M " 4 and s 3 50 " 6 at yard a.$ " 4 and 5 at yard. 3 S Ov"ll PARKER'S ''a&& HAIR BALSAM, vttiMp5J( C1miu ma b.uiili th. hair. f "'"'""t.. a lu.uFi.nl iruth. rtflfiV J N.T,r Faila to Beatora Ora UA -Y ulr to VoutUful Co or. u" (""' ll'er Toiuo. U lint. Hit! " enk l.ui.R.. Dtbiiilv, lmliKWion, J'ailhTaka In till" HINDER CORNS. Th. onl, .urj ourj ft Corja Stun aU iuu. Cu. at Xiu(auU, vt illiCuX CO.; N- 11-3-4C
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