THE COLUMBIAN, BLOOMSBURG, PA.
"WHAT IT ALL MEANS."
Em li f-ve lie moots me at tlto gt
ll r brow h ropes on It ;
Anil fur one klxa alia ittov m eight
(Unit nuHiis a sumuiur buniioO.
Ench (llih that most dollghta my eye
The tnblB has iiihiii it i
An, I Diar. try til.. anil till." ahtorle
(Thai means aumwer bonnet).
Mv !liorii dlwnyi are In atht)
Si v minikin cap. 1 don Us
fill.-niiokfs mjr hulr; "You're tired to-night'
, (.1 lull minus a uuimer bumietj.
gurh kind attimtlnni I Nnror aw
I Li' lino : Hi'BVn hlt'Mlnit on It t
God 1 I n ooih wife ami motliur-iu-law
(.Hull menus a ununr bonnet).
- Kt.it 1 Kerr, In Homo and Countr).
THE DEMON UMBRELLA,
Wo were having dinner, my friend
Harili'.v nml 1, In the Barclay street
restaurant of tho Astur liouso thu
pluee where you feel ns If you nra
ilonu cellar In tbo pyramid of Cheops,
and wherw you van look out of a sub
terranean window across a stone
crypt, which promises mummies, Into
that jtarlsh courtyard, tho Uotuuda,
and catch a glance of a mural camel
und have the Kgyptlau Idea further
realized.
"Odd not'on yon have," said Hart
ley while we were waiting for coffee,
"that of carrying the poorest umbrel
la in New York."
My umbrella was poor, but It was not
altogether my fault. I explained lo
him that a few morning before a
thoughtless gentleman, name and
1'irsi'ut address unknown, had Inad
vertently walked off with my hat and
umiu-eila while I was be'ng served in
a barber shop, leaving behind Ills own,
the hat a season in the rear of the god
dess l'ash'on, and with a red lining In
It, and the umbrella somewhat bat
tered and bulgy. A messenger boy,
brought me a new hat. but tho um
brella I look aloii'Z. "I believe," I
eimr'nued, "that I'll throw that um
brella away to-night and get a new;
one In the morning." A bright Idea
struck mo. "I'll leave It right bere."
I said, and I tucked It behind tho
steam radiator, unseen of any.
The dinner was soon over, and wo
rose find started out. I bad forgotten
about tho umbrella. I heard a quick
step behind me and looked around.
"Ah. !!( shentleman forgeets hees um
brella!" exclaimed the waiter, and
with a grand flourish ho held out the
the shabby wreck In all Its horror. I
took It and we walked out.
"Did you see the pretty girl who
' was dining with that old boy on the
left smiling at your umbrella?" asked
Hartley. 1 had observed that smilo.
"Come up with me," I said. "I'll
leave It In the elevated car no trouble
about leaving an umbrella there I've
left two there during the last year."
"I can't do It," replied Hartley, who
Is employed on a morning paper. "I
shall be late to-night. Besides, I
couldn't Imperil my social standing
by walking with a man who waa
carrying such an umbrella. Better
jab It In the first ash can you come
to."
I made no reply to this bit of peas
antry and walked off, carrying the
umbrella at a modified parade rest.
At Park place I took the elevated. In
side I sat down next a kindly ap
pearing old gentleman, who was read
ing the Evening Tost. As we swung
In under the steady glow of the great
Judson memorial cross he folded his
paper carefully,' apparently with the
intention of getting it bound, took off
his gold-rlmmed eyeglasses, smacked
his lips as if the Intellectual draught
had been satisfactory, and said:
'Tardon me, but can you Inform me
where I can find the 'lost and found'
bureau of tho elevated roads?"
"Down In tho neighborhood of
Morris street." I answered.
"Ah, Indeed thank you. I left my
umbrella In the train this morning
and I must look It up to-morrow."
"You may find It there," I said en
couragingly, "The place Is upstairs.
A blond young man with a puckered
mouth will meet you and after taking
down a minute description of your
umbrella, together with tho exact
minute of the loss, and the road,
train, car, seat and station where It
occurred, he will retire Into a sort of
an umbrella library, where he has
about 4,(MM) of them arranged and
catalogued on shelves, and look the
matter up."
"You have had the experience," ob
served the kindly old gentleman.
"Many times," I returned careless
ly. "I usually have one or two on,
deposit there." I had slipped tho an
cient specimen I was carrying over
next to, the window, and was leaning
forward so as to hldo It. "Twenty
third street!" shouted tho guard. I
rose and started back hastily. I felt
my heart beating as I approached the
door. Then en me the voice of the old
gentleman. "Here, here!" ho called,
sharply; "you've forgotten your um
brella." I turned and took Jt from
his hand. "Came near Increasing
your account w'th the road, eh?" and
the old reprobate chuckled as he sank
back In his seat. "Step lively!" bel
lowed the guard. I turned and ran
out; the gate smote my heel as I
reached the platform. An elevated
guard should have had no trouble In
disposing of tho remarkable Mr,
- Achilles.
I stopped at the news stand on my
way out and bought nn evening pa
per. "HI, there, boss," said the por
ter, "you's leavln' yo' umbrella." I
picked it up and tied down the
stairs.
I hurried through Twenty-third
street, clutching the handle of tho
umbrella, and turned the corner and
starred up Broadway. I had not gone
far when a barber's sign caught my
eye. "This Is my chance," I thought
to myself. "I got the accursed thing
in a barber shop and there will I
leave It." I went in and was soon
having my hair cut, though tho oper-
ation was not demanded. There is
something soothing about a barber's
chair; it conduces to calm, dispassion
ate thought; with an opportune hair
cut Caesar might or might not have
plunged Impetuously across the Hubl
con. I saw that I had so far been act
ing with too great hasto. Iiwtead of
leasiniug out a course and following
It 1 had 'been rushing blindly along,
depending wholly on chance. I arose
, fii:ii tho chair with a firm purpose.
'J'h brush "noy handed me my hat,
m l I turned quickly and started for
Mie duor. "Iieah's you' umbrella,
j;ih." aid the boy, as ho came in hot
rAirsult. I turned deliberately, lookv j
d at it and said:
"You've made a mistake that Is
not my umbrella."
.... t - t. , t.i,
.Musi oe, sun jo 'urouxui mi
liea li yo won in n t do carryitr no
other gent's umbrella, sah."
Ho held tho thing up In tho glare of
the lights.
"I had no umbrella," I said sternly.
"Yous fo'got, sah. Only umbrella
In the rack noticed It partlc'Iar when
you come In." The barbers had all
stopped work, and half-lathered cus
tomers were rising up In their chairs.
I weakened.
"I believe It Is mine," I said, fti I
took It and again fled, while the boy
pocketed his tip and observed: "DI
yero ain't d shop where we's ever
mistaken 'bout no umbrellas."
But 1 determined to retain my self
composuro at any cost of mental
strain. I boarded an uptown Broad
way car with another bold resolve in
mind. Incidentally I decided to try
tho car, though I had smnll hopes of
It. At Thirty-sixth street I rose to
get off, leaving the umbrella behind,!
but 1 met the reproachful eyo or the
conductor and went back and picked
it up.
1 walked east through Thirty-sixth
street. My plan was diabolical In Its
nature, but 1 hoped for good results
It was nothing more nor less than to
call on a certain friend anil desert tho
thing In his hall. In five minutes I
was In tho eas'est chair, busily en
gaged In conversation. But I do not
remember of what we talked my
heart was In the hall, with the um
brella. 1 know not how long 1 stay
ed or how 1 got away. My first dis
tinct nvollectlon is of walking rapid
ly along the street almost running
toward the lights on tho corner. I
reached them, dodged around the cor
ner, caught my breath, then again
stopped breathing as I heard rapid
steps behind me. "Hold on. old mail,"
said my friend, "you're running off
without, your umbrella. Madge said
It could't be yours, but I told her I
knew better, so here It Is."
"Why. yes, It's mine thank yon
stupid thing for me to do sorry to put
you to the trouble." Again it had
wound Its tentacles around me. I
went down Mad'son avenue, and thou
turned through Thirty-fifth street and
walked to Third avenue. I was be
ginning to feel desperate again. I
topped on the corner, stood the um
brella against a lamp post and pre
tended to button my glove. Then I
walked off with assumed careless
ness. A small boy chased after me,
restored my umbrella and did not re
fuse a quarter for his kindness. I
turned in nt a cheap concert hall and
sat ten minutes, but of course a beer
bespattered waiter overtook me at the
door with it. I gave him a dime.
I walked down the avenue clutching
my inanimate enemy in both bands.
Overhead the elveated trains roared.
I looked at ' their disappearing red
lights, and entertained a wild notion
of hurling the umbrella up on the
platform of one of them. Then I
turned my thoughts In tho opposite
direction and considered stuffing it
down a sewer opening. But there
were too many people about for either
move. I went on under tho sputter
ing arc Hghts and among the drifting
crowds of people till I reached Four
teenth street. A newsloy stood on
tho comer smoking the stub of a cigar
ette. I walked up to him and held
out the umbrella.
"Sonny," I said, "don't you want an
umbrella?"
"Mean t' give it ter a feller?"
"Yes."
He looked at it again and then up
at me, and said with virtuous indig
nation: "Does yer tako dls fer a fence?
Mobby I didn't know Con O'Connell.
Were's Con to-day? Con ' received
stolen goods, an' w'ere Is he now, I
ask yer?" He turned on his heel and
walked away.
I went through Fourteenth street
meditating deeply. Before I reached
Broadway I had determined to go
over Into old Green wloh village and see
what I could do. 1 felt that I knew
every crook and turn of OrOeonwich; I
am one of those that love the Ninth
ward, and I have the courage of my
love; I live there. Many others love
it, and write glowingly about their
love, but they are found living above
Fifty-ninth street, and sometimes it
1s necessary to penetrate Harlem to
find their holm's, or even to make a
trek into BriMklyn.
I zigzaged across town to Seventh
and Greenwich avenues and turned
down the latter. As I passed tho end
of Terry street, In which I lived,
I encountered my friend Officer
Dooney standing majestically on the
outpost of his dominions. I have al
ways made it a practice to cultivate
the ollleer on the beat where I live.
"A folue evening, It Is, sor," observ
ed Otilcer Dooney.
"Yes." I replied. "What do you
think of the appointment to-day?"
"A shplendld one, sor. W'y, I was
afther knowln' Miles Garvey on the
ould sod. A folne Judge he'll make,
an not be worryln' the life out of a
patrolman for the minor and super-r-tluous
pnr-r-tlculars."
"It was another victory for Tam
many, of course?"
"Quito roight you are, sor. The
Hall does do tho wo-r-rk, and It Is
desarvlu' of tho rewar-r-ds and per-reck-esits."
"Has your brother been put on yet?"
"He goes on the foorce nlxt weew,
t ank you, sor. An' me ould neighbor
I was spaklng to you about, d'ye
moind him?"
"Yes."
"They put Wm on a broom to-day,
sor."
I went down the avenue to Jeffer
son Market and turned Into Chrlstou
pher street. I had bethought me of
the canyon called Gay street. I knew,
that Gay street. I knew that if thore
was one place better than another for
making an on orphan of your umbrel
la it is Gay street. I knew how lonely
aud desorted Gay street is at that
hour of the night how the battered
shutters are closed, and tbo old fash
ioned doors barred, with express wa
gons filling the roadway, their up
turned thills bristling I'.ka a field of
hop poles. I knew that the big clock
of Jefferson market is tho only thing
which keeps bs eye on Gay street in
the night. Hut tpeclally I knew that
Gay street does not tako in her ash
cans at nigh'.. I would rear my um
brella in a Gay street ash can and
leave it among the boo voles. I tunn
ed down the street's tortuous course,
'Half way along it stood nn nsh can
filled to overflowing. I Jabbed tho
sharp end of the umbrella a foot into
the soft ashes and stepped back and
admired my work. At last I was rid
of the thing. Now I could laugh
tgaln. Oneo more I could I felt a
heavy hand on my shoulder aud look
ed up at a tall, long-haired man, who
"ame out of tho shadow of some front
steps.
"Dake dot t'lng avny, you pauber,"
ho said. "If you don't got no con oft
your own donn bo stlckln' It In udder
people's. Dake It away, or I hollers
for der bolico like I vas grazy!"
I took it and once more moved
wearily on. Around the corner In
Waverly place I went closo to tho
edge of tho sidewalk, dropjted tho
umbrella In the 'gutter and walked
iway quickly. "Feck It 'up," said a
policeman, starting out of a passage
doorway. "Feck It up and move on
wld ye. Do you t'lnk Tom Br-r-ennan
has nothing at all to do but cart away
such trusli as yon do be havlu'?" So
I took It along with me.
1 walked on and turned down
Grove street. 1 made up my mind that
there was one more chance. If that
failed nothing remained I would keep
tho umbrella and carry It. Grove
street seemed lonely and deserted,
but I knew It wasn't. I was not the
inexperienced thing that I had been
earlier In the evening. I turned down
Hudson street, anil then went through
Barrow toward the river. At Wash
ington there was a pile of bricks. I
stopped In the shadow, undid the cord
which held tho ribs of my umbrella
and dropped two bricks Into the bulg
ing cavern. It would have held more.
I picked up a piece of paper and did
up tlie umbrella In it, making a fairly
neat, oblong package. Then I hurried
along to West street. It was nblazo
with lights, and 'longshoremen were
crowding along Its single terrestrial
side. But I heeded them not and
crossed and stole along closo to tho
piers and ferry slip. I soon came to
a pier which seemed to suit my dark
purpose. I crept out on It. Thero
was a pile of lumber at the, outer
end. but no living thing In sight. Tho
moon looked hazy; and Liberty's llgh't
shown far away with uncertain lus
tre. Tho cool breeze from the river
touched my glowing face, but thero
was no tlmo to stop to enjoy it. I
tiptoed to the stringplece and cast my
burden from me. It went down into
the black waters with a dull splash.
"Halt!" cried a man, coming from
behind the lumber. 1 saw he was a
watchman and stood helpless. Ho
whistled shrilly and an ollleer and a
dozen men came running down the
pier.
"Arrest th!s man, Mahoney," said
the watchman. "He thro wed a baby,
Into tho river I beared it cry."
"I wa a-watclng of the felly,
sneaking along meself." said the offi
cer, as he took hold of my arm as if
he were Admiral Farragut in the rig
ging of the Hartford and I was the
rigging. He started away with me,
and soon a crowd of fifty people were
at our heels.
"Do you need to walk quite so fast?
I asked.
"Dom you, it's fer yer own good,"
said Mahoney. "Do youse want to be
lynched?"
He marched me into the Charles
street police station.
"What's the charge, officer?" asked
tho man at the desk.
"Murther, sergeant," answered Ma
honey. "He t'rowed a che-ild into the
Nort' Biver." '
"See here, sergeant," I said, "this
Is absurd. I threw an umbrella into
the river that was all."
"We'll have to hold you. Explain
to the Judge in the morning." He
picked up a pen and began writing.
"Infanticide name? age? "
"Where's . Officer Dooney? He
knows me." '
"Call Dooney," said the sergeant.
Officer Dooney came In from the
next room nnd looked at mo with as
tonishment as he heard the charge.
"There must be a mistake," he said.
"I know him to be of good cha-rack-ter.
I talked wid him a nour ago on
beat. His actions was reg'lar."
"Where's the watchman that heard
the child cry?" asked the sergeant.
As he spoke this individual burst in
at the door, dripping with water and
carrying my package in his bauds.
"I dovo fer it," shouted this effl
cient guardian, in a wet, salty voice.
"I dove fer it, sergeant! It ain't no
baby it's worse nor that It's a bum
dvnermlte he wuz tryln' to blow up
the pier!" t
He deposited the bundlo carefully
on the floor and backed off. Every
one retreated from it, oven Officer
Dooney.
I strode forwnrd and kicked Jt vic
iously. Then I stripped off the wet
paper, took up the umbrella by tho
sharp end and allowed the bricks' to
fall to tho floor.
"We can't hold you this time," said
the sergeant, with a touch of sadness
In his voice.
In five minutes I was at my lodg
ings. I stood tho wet umbrella up
carefully in the corner of my bedroom.
Softening Icittlier,
Glycerine Imparts considerable sup
pleness to leather, but soon sweats out
in damp air. To fix it in the leather,
it should first bo incorporated with
four times its weight of the buttery,
mass made by dissolving beef fat in
warm cod oil. Another method of ren
dering tbo glycerine a permanent con
stituent of the leather Is to Icorporate
It with a small proportion of white of
egg; this mixture may bo applied
alone, or' may bo followed by the
above-described glycerine oil. A so
lution of dextrine may be substituted
for white of egg if this latter bo too
costly. By dissolving a tan-stuff in
glycerine and mixing it with cod oil
and fat a valuable stuffing for lea
ther may be obtained. There Is, how
ever, nothing better for leather than
castor oil.
: ;
Reflected Light.
It is well known that light reflected
from white clouds Is ono of the very,
best for lllumiuating tho microscope.'
Mr. George Bust writes us that when
white clouds are wanting ho moistens
tho lingers with watch-oll and spreads
an even, but very thin, coat, over the
faco of the mirror, which produces
much the samo results. American
Microscopical Journnl.
Are You Fortified?
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illness, thero ia no nourishment in tho world like
Scott's Emulsion
to rcstoro B'rongth. Scoll's Emulsion nourishes, elrcnRili.
I n o-cn rroniotc8 lh0 linking of solid
Scott & Bowne, N. Y. All
, ALEXANDER BROTHERS & CO.
DEALERS IX
Cigars, Tobacco, Candies, Fruits and Huts
SOLE AGENTS FOR
Henry Mail lard's Fine Candies. Fresh Every Week.
:F:b'nin2' Goods jl. SiPEd-a-nyr-sr.
SOLE AGENTS FOR
F.F. Adams & Co's Fine Cut Chewing Tobacco
Solo ftgeuts for the following brands of Cigars'
Honry Clay, Londres, No.TT.al, Indian Princess, Samson, Silvor Asb
Bloomsburg Pa.
SHOES
You will soon want school shoes. Remember we have the
most complete line of shoes to select from in this part of the
State and every shoe selected for its wearing qualities. Call
ana see ua and we will save you money on your shoes.
We can fit you out in anything you may need in line of
hosiery. Our stock is complete.
Remember we are closing out everything in the dress
goods line and will give you bargains.
W E, MQ QBE
Corner Main and Iron Streets.
What Brings Release from Dirt
and Grease? Why Don't
You Know?
SAP
I AM NOW A
MAN!
Chicago, Oct 6, 1P99.
M I wh troubled with muwions
ftnd varioocl. aud hud been
email? weak for mtsu yean,
iJurinn tb lout four leara I
triad ererr ramedr that waa aold Al HI WAS.
and sot no relief for any of mr
trouble until I took CA LTH OS U tared tad
rfalored and 1 am bow a man
( K.iiraet treat eae ef tBaaite ef lelUrereetfv by aa.1
Address VON MOHL CO.. Sole
B. F. Sharpless, Pres.
N. U.
BLOOM
LAND IMPROVEMENT COMPANY
0 Capital Stock $30,0O0.
Plotted property is in the coming business centre of the
town. It includes also part of the factory district, and has no
equal in desirability for residence purposes.
, CHOICE LOTS are offered at values that will be doubled
in a 6hort time.
No such opportunity can be had elsewhere to make money
Lots secured on SMALL MONTHLY PAYMENTS-
Maps of the town and of plotted property furnished on ap
plication. 1
Call upon or write to the Secretary, or J. 8. Woods, Snles
Agent, or any member of the Board of Directors.
BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
B. F. Sharpless; J; L Dillon.
C. W. Neal, A. G. Briggs,' Dr. I.' W. Willits
Dr. H. W. McReynolds, u. Funk. '
n-igtf
EUCTRIC TCUFHONE '
Pnl.l i t (Ll.t. no rent, no rnraltr. Adnnted
Ltr t'ii) , YilltttM or fouiitry. Nt-oed in ivrry
. I I - tl ..Mi.... t.m. It ......
tftu'n iiit) ht'ct t-oi'or onenrth.
Ayf lit muSif from fcft iof.30 or Uit.
(In't in a ie Va h e nitmna u Mile to nil lha
Ye
tiki l b r. I' in n-ttruinpiit-, no toy, woiki
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rT wbeu nMm f d. ('nil tie m up by any r ne,
never out oi nrni r, no r"Hirinv, ihm a nia
iini Wiirmmed. A money m.ir-ir. rile
W. P. HarriaJfi a Co., Ciu 10, ColumLun, 0,
flesh, flinches liio Dioou una tones up
tho wholo Bystcm.
Tor Coughs, Colds, Soro Tbroat, Eroncliitis,
Weak Lutga, Consumption, Scrofula, Anamia,
Loss of Flesh, Thin Babies, Weak Children, and
all conditions of Wasting. '
Buy only the genuine! Itkn our traJo
ma; k on salmon-colored wrapper.
Sen J pamphlet en Scott' t Emulsion. FREE.
Druggists. BO cents ond $ I.
Ifl
We will end you the mar
velous French preparation
CALTH08 free, by aealcd
mail, Bnd a legal guarantee
tuat Caltuoi will
STOPMr-"
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Use it pay if satisfied.
American Agents, Cincinnati. O.
Funk, Sec.
C. II. Cami'cell, Treas.
SB URCO
Sya LASTING RESETS
raw run
Wltt
w uwnvxmcnce. b mp 0. '
km iennrmia LfaT(iia
.thin.
. aMuy.iibi rail
' "ijunuui uDite.tce v
OL O
thin. M
ILook Merc !
Do you want n
Do you want on
Do you wnnt n
Do you wnnt anv kind
of a MUSICAL IN.
STRUMENT?
Do you want SHEET
MUSIC?
If so, do not send your niorw
ey away from home, but deal
w'ith a reliable dealer right
here, who will make things
right, if there is anything
wrong.
For anything in this line
the place to go is to
3.
Ware-rooms, Main Street be
low Market.
E. A. RAWLINGS.
PltALER IN
All Kinds of Meat.
Beef, Veal, Lamb. Mutton,
Pork, Hams, Bacon, Tongues,
Bologna, &c. Free Delivery
to all parta of the town.
CENTRE STREET,
C. H. REICE'S OLD STAND.
BLOOMSBURC, PA.
Bring Tho Babies.
IiiRtntitaneonii Procesi Vsed.
Strictly first-class guaranteed nhoto-
graphs. crayons and copies at reason
able prices. We use exclusively the
collodion .Aristotype papers, thus sc
curing greater beauty of finish and
permanency oi resulls. (JAl'WLLL,
MARKET SQUARE GALLERY.
5-ll-lyr. over Uartmaa's Stora.
THE MARKETS.
BLOOMSBURC MARKETS.
COKBICTIP WIIKLT. HETA1L rRICM.
Rutter per lb $ .28
Eggs per dozen .22
Lard per lb... 12
Ham per pound .14
Pork, whole, per pound 07 to .08
B;ef, quarter, per pound, . . . 06 to .08
neat per bushel. .70
Oats ' 4
Rye " ' .6$
Wheat flour per bbl. , 3.00
Hay per ton 16 00 to 18.00
Potatoes per bushel, -7S
Turnips .25
Onions ' " 1.00
Sweet potatoes per peck. . .,.25 to .30
Tallow per lb .04
Shoulder " " 11
Side meat " " 10
Vinegar, per qt .07
Lined apples per lb .03
Dried cherries, pitted .22
Rispberries .16
Cow Hides per lb 02
Steer " " 03
CalfSkin 40 to .50
Sheep pelts 60
Shelled corn per bus 7S
Corn meal, cwt a.oo
Bran, " 1.10
Chop " 1.25
Middlings " 1.10
Chickens per lb new .10
" " "old -o
Turkeys " " 12
Geese " " .10
Ducks . " .10
Coal.
No. 6, delivered M
" 4 and s 3 50
" 6 at yard a.$
" 4 and 5 at yard. 3 S
Ov"ll PARKER'S
''a&& HAIR BALSAM,
vttiMp5J( C1miu ma b.uiili th. hair.
f "'"'""t.. a lu.uFi.nl iruth.
rtflfiV J N.T,r Faila to Beatora Ora
UA -Y ulr to VoutUful Co or.
u" (""' ll'er Toiuo. U lint. Hit! "
enk l.ui.R.. Dtbiiilv, lmliKWion, J'ailhTaka In till"
HINDER CORNS. Th. onl, .urj ourj ft Corja
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