Benard * Bellafonte, Pa.. May 5, 1911. —— EE —— Was Good Once. A certain well known composer now in the full vigor of his established rep- utation was at one time when he was comparatively unknown engaged in writing the music for a production fa- thered by two mauagers who knew exactly what they wanted. in addition to knowing next to nothing of the mu- sical classics, After having burned much midnight oil and worked himself into a state of semicollapse in a vain endeavor to produce a finale which would please them the composer tore up page after page of rejected manu- seript and in despair took to the the- ater an entire section of “Faust” to which he had somehow mandgged to fit the words assigned to him. He played it over, and one of the mana- gers said quite unfeelingly, “Well, Gus, the others were pretty bad, but this one is the rottenest of them all.” “So?” remarked the weary musician dryly. “It was considered good when Gounod wrote it!"— Metropolitan Magazine. * One Story Eclipsed. “Hot in Brazil?” said the young man who had just returned from a trip, to South America. “Well, I should say so. Do you know, for days at a time we couldn't take our after dinner siesta on account of the peculiar “What noises?" asked the blond ste- nographer innocently. “Why, the coffee popping on the trees. You see, the sun was so hot the grains just roasted before they were picked.” 1 The old traveler yawned. . “Rather warm down there, bub,” he | rejoined laconically, “but when I was | , down there you couldn't sleep at night. | Bvery once in awhile there would | sound the most extraordinary crack- | ling noise that ever fell upon the hu- | man ear.” “What were the sounds, Mr. Bings?” And Mr. Bings yawned again and | replied. “The rubber trees stretching themselves.” —Chicago News. . i Where One's Breath Falls as Snow. Verkhoiansk. a small village in the northeast of Siberia, is the coldest place in the world. It is a convict station. No precautions against es- cape are needed. for Verkhoiansk is guarded by the wind. Though the | average temperature of the three worst winter months is 85 degrees of frost. intense cold like this is easy to bear in calm weather. But a strong breeze at that temperature or within 20 degrees of it will kill every living thing not under shelter. In the icy cold of Verkhoinnsk an iron ax head dropped on the ground smashes like glass. A hoard of unseasoned wood, on the other hand, freezes as hard as steel. Frozen nicotine blocks the stem of tobacco pipes. while one's breath falls at one's feet in a fine white powder. Going Too Far. Aloug a country road walked a man and woman. The latter, a gaunt, stern faced female, was bullying the meek little fellow, who trudged just in front of her with downcast head. Suddenly the woman. turning, saw a bull racing down the road behind them. She quickly took refuge in the hedge. but her companion. unconscious of aught but his woes, kept on his way. The bull caught up to him and sent him spinning into a muddy ditch, then con- tinued on its wild career. As the woe- begone figure crawled out of the mire he saw his better half coming toward him. Plucking up a little spirit, he whimpered, “M-M-Maria, if you hit me like that a-g-g-gain you'll really get my temper up, so 1 warn you." More and More. The gravedigger in “Hamlet” was a very witty man, wittier far than many of the epitaph makers who have adorned headstones with their jingles. ; A sample of the punning rhymes : which are cut on tombs follows. It comes from the grave of Willinm More, at Stepney, near Loudon: Here lies on> More, and no more than he. | The More and no more—how can that be? Why, one More and no more may lle here | alone, | But here lies one More, and that's more than one. Curiosities of Etymelogy. ! It is extraordinary how words for! the same thing differ in even so small | a country as England. Take “left' handed.” for example. In Gloucester- shire such a person is described as “gecrammy,” in Staffordshire he be- comes “craggy,” the phrase for a left | banded Yorkshireman is “gawkrod- ger” or “callick handed,” and in the next county, Durham, he is “cuddy paw.”—London Telegraph. Experience Teaches. “I wonder what has happened to Mr, Green?" sald Mrs. Brown to a lady friend. “He seems so dismal now, and he used to be a practical joker!” “Ah,” was the response, “he pro- posed as a joke to his present wife. She accepted him, and be says he will never indulge In a joke again.” ‘A Prank of the Types. A sentimental novelist, describing his héroine as one who “always kept mod- estly in the background,” was horri- fled to find it recorded in print that she “always kept modesty in the back- ground.” As Usual. “80 your Shakespeare club is a great success?’ “Yes. We have accumulated enough fines for nonattendance to take us all ! nine times out of ten—1 will even say | ninety-nine times out of ten!" to a musical comedy.”-—-Washington Herald. : ain Grinned Into Matrimen -. That grinning matches were an ao cepted form of sport in early Englisa days is shown by an advertisement announcing a gold ring to be grinned for by men on Oct. 9 ui the Swan, Coleshill heath, Warwickshire, which appea-ed in the Post-Doy of Sept. 17, 1711. Addison gives a detailed ac- count of one of these “controversies of faces,” telling us that the audience unanimously bestowed the ring on a cobbler who “produced several new grins of his own Invention. having been used to cut faces for many years fogether over his last.” His performance was something like this: “At the very first grin he cast every human feature out of his coun- tenance. at the second he simulated the face of a spout. at the third that of n baboon. at the fourth the head of a bass viol and at the fifth a pair of nut crackers.” Addison adds that a comely wench whom he had wooed in vain for more than five years was so charmed with his grins that she mar- ried him the following weok, the cob- bler using the prize as his wedding ring. Powerful Bulls. During a debate upon the second reading of the Irish lapd bill in 1896 Lord Londonderry concluded a period with: “This is the keystone of the bill Are you going to kill it?" Sir Frederick Milner. speaking on the budget, said, “A cow may be drain- ed dry. and if chancellors of the ax- chequer persist in meeting every de- ficiency that occurs by taxing the brewing and distilling industry they will inevitably kill the cow that lays the golden milk!" Lord Curzon—*The interests of the employers and employed are the same Discussing Mr. Asquith’s licensing bill at a meeting at Shoreditch, 8 mem- ber of parliament ronsed the audience to a frenzy of enthusiasm by declaring that “the time has come to strip to the waist and tuck up our shirt | sleeves!” ; What Is Electricity? Many persons young and old often | wonder how the modern electric cars, | | trains and locomotives are operated | i and what electricity is. No one knows | what electricity is. We know some of | the things that it will do. We have | to a certain extent learned how to con. trol it and for want of a better name | call it a fluid. We have discovered, ' too, that it is one of the most impor- ' tant forces, if not the most important force, of which we have any knowl- edge. We are almost as ignorant of many other great forces of nature—as, for example, the attraction of gravita- tion. For the present we must be con- tent to observe such forces in action and to devise the best methods to con- trol them. In this knowledge mankind has progressed wonderfully within a few years.—St Nicholas. Fishing Without Bait. On the Nadoo creek, at Hukow, we saw a novel way of fishing. Two small boats were moving parallel with each other about thirty feet apart. The ends of a line about sixty feet long to which small unbaited hooks were attached about four inches apart to two sticks were held respectively by a man in each bout As the boats moved slowly along first one man and then the other would give his stick a jerk. Immediately that the hooks struck anything the line was gradu- ally hauled in and invariably with success. We saw fish struck four out of five times, many of them running apparently from half a pound to two or more pounds. It may be that Chi- na is the only place in the world where fish are caught with unbaited hooks.--North China News. Custom House Humor. Two Germans who were crossing the Luxembourg frontier declared to the customs officials: “We have with us | three bottles of red wine each. How | much is there to pay?” i “Where is it?" was asked. ! “Well, inside us.” | i i The official gravely looked at his tar- i iff book and read: “Wine in casks, 20 | _ shillings: in bottles, 48 shillings; in donkeys’ hides, free. Gentlemen,” he | . earth and form a mass larger than The Burglar's Umbrella. Amoug a collection of articles used by burglars when engaged In their ne- farious calling is one particular con. trivance that arouses great interest. In appearance it resembles u large umbrella that has seen hard service. It was formerly the property of a bur- glar. and it was by it® means that he was able to enter the second story of a building. Removing the cover, a stick wound with ropes is revealed. The stick opens like a telescope or a joint- ed fishing rod. Wound round it is a rope ladder made of strong material and about thirteen feet in length. The ladder is only wide enough for one foot to be placed on the rungs. The extending stick wax used to raise one end of the ladder to the window through which the operator wished to enter, and on the upper end of the ladder are two hooks to be fastened to the sill. ‘This imitation umbrella is regurded as one of the most ingenious affuirs ever made use of by a thief.— London Standard. Took the Shilling. A recruiting ~ .rgeant one day met an ignorant youth idling, with his hands in his pockets and standing before a house on the front of which was a notice informing the public that the building was to be solid. The notice ran thus: “To He Sold by Private Treaty.” The sergeant approached the youth and asked him if he had ever thought of joining the army. “Not me,” was the reply. “You'd bave nothing in the army worth talk- ing aboul” “Is that £0?" said the other. “Well, how is it then Private Treaty has a house for sale and him only a private yet?” The youth looked thoughtful and puzzled, and presently, over a pint of ale, the possibility of owning a house by joining the army grew into a cer- tainty and the shilling changed hands. | —London Tit-Bits. Wonderful Animalculae. Of all the minute creatures that in- cording to the Scientific American, as the little living things that live in stagnant water. They are called slip- per animalculae, or, as the scientist has it, the paramecium. These tiny invisible things develop so rapidly tha if they were able to live through generations they would crowd other living thing off the face of is 35% planet itself. Should they go on producing until the nine h generation these little creatures would form na mass large enough to crowd the moon and stars and eveig@he sun entirely out of space. Luckily for us this Is not possible. according to na- ture's decree. The paramecium dies after ir has attained the one hundred and seventieth generation. and so the awful possibilities are checked of its | multiplying to fill the universe, The Medicine Bottle. In order to avert the most serious thing of having a child take the wrong medicine, mothers should adhere to the | following rules: Never give medicine in the dark. Always read the label on the bottle. Never go by the color of the medi cine. ' When the bottle is refilled see that the label reads clear. Keep poisons locked up. Keep all bottles locked up in a draw- er or medicine chest. Mistakes of giving children carbolic acid and such like poisons in the night- time make it imperative that mothers study and adhere to these rules, for ! sometimes such inadvertent mistakes bring about terrible conclusions.—Cin- cinnati Commercial Tribune. In an English Hotel. Proprietor (addressing porter)—Was the American pleased with his room, William ? William—Now, | wouldn't hexactly g'y that. sir. 'E looked as if there might be something that wasn't just to *is liking, but I gathered from ’is re- marks that 'e found it hunusually com- fortable. Proprietor—Well, what did be say about it? added. looking up, “you can go."—Der | yyyjjam_'E said it was cowlder than Guttemplar. Not on His Tombstone. “What did he die of?" : “A slight difference of opinion, as | near as 1 can find out.” i “Oh, a fight?” “Not at all.” “What, then?" “Doctors disagreed, and he died be- fore they settled it.”"—London Tit-Bits. A Memurable Occasion. There should be order in all things. For instance, on one occasion we dis- covered that the proper method is to hook her party gown first and fix the furnace afterward. Reversing the or- der cost us $32.50 for a new gown and spoiled her whole evening besides.— Detroit Free Press. The Poor Doctors. “When « man dies, is an inquest al- ways held?" “Oh, no! If a doctor has been in at- tendance the coroner is not supposed to have inquired into the cause of the death.”—Toledo Blade. Not Nowadays. “Polonius was a very wise man. Just consider his advice to his son.” “Reads well. But would a really wise man sttempt to tell his son any- thing 7"'—~Washington Herald. There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it with reluctance. —Terence. ‘ell, sir.—Judge. A Wiseacre. Tommy—What is an acre, dad? “Four roods.” “What is a rood, dad?’ “Forty square rods, poles or perches.” “What is a wiseacre, dad?’ “One who keeps a spare rod, pole or perch to apply to a boy who asks use- less questions. Fetch me my cane!”— London Answers. Off the Line. “What became of Buts' educated goat?” “He had to dispose of it.” “What was the trouble?” ments, and there was a crisis when the animal began to take in washing.” Evidence. “Was your husband a bear in Wall street?” “I think so,” replied young Mrs. Tor kins. “He certainly acted like one when he got home.”—-Washington Star. A Young Cynic. Tom—They say that every woman is beautiful in some one's eyes. Do Grandeur has a heavy tax to pay.~ Alexander Smith. 56-15-4t a condition in the body an- alagous to that of a liver. mental dullness, th lethargy al- ways consequent on evi- i A Corroboration OF INTEREST TO BELLEFONTE READERS For months Bellefonte citizens have seen in these columns enthusiastic praise of Doan’s Kidney Pills by Bellefonte resi dents. Would these prominent people rec- ommend a remedy that had not proven re- liable: Would they confirm their state ments after years had elapsed if persons! experience had not shown the remedy to be worthy of endorsement? No stronger proof of merit can be had than cures that have stood the test of time. The follow- ing statement should carry conviction to the mind of every Bellefonte reader. Mrs. James Corl, 361 E. Bishop Street. Bellefonte. Pa., says: “A member of my family used Doan’s Kidney Pills in 1907, procuring them from Green's Pharmacy Co. and a complete cure of kidney com- plaint was effected. At that time we pub- licly endorsed Doan's Kidney Pills and as there has been no recurrence of the trouble, we again give this remedy a word of praise. You are welcome to publish this statement for the benefit of other kidney sufferers.” For sale by all dealers. Price 50 cents. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, New York, sole agents for the United States. Remember the name—Doan's--and take no other. 56-12 Machinery, Etc. Sn —— A] ‘WAGON AND MACHINE Umbrellas Given Away i Absolutely free. Look us over. You ' may want a Sprayer or Spray Material. JOHN G. DUBBS, Bellefonte, Pa. Opposite Bush House - Plumbing, Yeagers Shoe Store Are Children Worth Bringing Up? It can’t be done without "RUBBERS. This is what appeared in a recent number of the American Journal or Health: The family doctor should din it into the mother's head all the time, that the health of their children lies in the feet. Keep the feet dry. Never let them get wet. No child should be al- lowed to go out in snow or rain, or when walking is wet, without Rubbers. RememBER, Yeager's Rubbers are the best and the prices just a little cheaper than the other fellows. Yeager’s Shoe Store, Bush Arcade Building, BELLEFONTE, PA. Good Health Good Plumbing GO TOGETHER. ua gt sewerage. or escaping Ww. . 't have good air oid iy To OIG your Er yeu SANITARY PLUMBING be de A a ie Te boys: Our workmen are Skilled Mechanics, no better anywhere. Our Material and Fixtures are the Best vot a cheap or inferior article in our entire prt LA And with good work and the finest material, our Prices are lower tha an he lowelt grade of hing. For the Best Work try ARCHIBALD ALLISON, Bellefonte, Pa. 56-14-1y. A Set of Harness in Nickle or Imi- tation Rubber, at.......... $12.85 This harness is equal to any $15 set on the Genuine Rubber............ $14.85 which has no equal for less than $17. To insure should Address all communications to E. N. SCHOFIELD, Mall One tie Pa. to which he will cheextully sive his prompt LYON & CO. We are unpacking every day fresh and new Sum- mer fabrics in wool, silk and washable stuffs. Our line is again complete in the Marquesettes; all new light evening shades, black and white. A new line of bordered Batiste, the latest designs in dress goods; all colors; only 25c. GLOVES.—New line of long Gloves in silk and cotton. New line of short Gloves in silk and cotton. TABLE LINENS.—Table Linens in all the new designs in the bleached and unbleached, 72 inches wide. Other grades in narrower widths in white and turkey red; special price 25¢. per yard. Napkins to match all the fine Table Linens. SUNBURST SILKS.—We are sole agents for the new Sunburst Silks; 36 inches wide; all new shades; only 35¢c. per yard. TRIMMINGS.—The finest line of Trimmings in the town. Embroidery and Laces and colored Allovers in silk and cotton, and Banding to match in white, black and all the new shades. FICHU AND COLLARS.—The new Neck Fichu and Dutch Collars. All the newest styles in Neck Fichu, Dutch Collars and Jabots in white and Persian embroidery. LACE CURTAINS.—Just opened a large aseort- ment of new Lace Curtains. All new designs in Not- tingham, Point Lace and Tambour Curtains, from S0c. to $8.00 per pair. CARPETS, MATTINGS, RUGS, LINOLEUMS.— All new patterns, at lowest prices. MEN'S and WOMEN'S SHOES. New Shoes for Men. New Shoes for Women. New Shoes for Children. At the lowest prices. LYON & COMPANY, Allegheny St. 47-12 Bellefonte, Pa.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers