Benard
* Bellafonte, Pa.. May 5, 1911.
—— EE ——
Was Good Once.
A certain well known composer now
in the full vigor of his established rep-
utation was at one time when he was
comparatively unknown engaged in
writing the music for a production fa-
thered by two mauagers who knew
exactly what they wanted. in addition
to knowing next to nothing of the mu-
sical classics, After having burned
much midnight oil and worked himself
into a state of semicollapse in a vain
endeavor to produce a finale which
would please them the composer tore
up page after page of rejected manu-
seript and in despair took to the the-
ater an entire section of “Faust” to
which he had somehow mandgged to
fit the words assigned to him. He
played it over, and one of the mana-
gers said quite unfeelingly, “Well, Gus,
the others were pretty bad, but this
one is the rottenest of them all.” “So?”
remarked the weary musician dryly.
“It was considered good when Gounod
wrote it!"— Metropolitan Magazine.
* One Story Eclipsed.
“Hot in Brazil?” said the young man
who had just returned from a trip,
to South America. “Well, I should
say so. Do you know, for days at a
time we couldn't take our after dinner
siesta on account of the peculiar
“What noises?" asked the blond ste-
nographer innocently.
“Why, the coffee popping on the
trees. You see, the sun was so hot
the grains just roasted before they
were picked.” 1
The old traveler yawned.
. “Rather warm down there, bub,” he |
rejoined laconically, “but when I was |
, down there you couldn't sleep at night. |
Bvery once in awhile there would |
sound the most extraordinary crack- |
ling noise that ever fell upon the hu- |
man ear.”
“What were the sounds, Mr. Bings?”
And Mr. Bings yawned again and |
replied. “The rubber trees stretching
themselves.” —Chicago News.
. i Where One's Breath Falls as Snow.
Verkhoiansk. a small village in the
northeast of Siberia, is the coldest
place in the world. It is a convict
station. No precautions against es-
cape are needed. for Verkhoiansk is
guarded by the wind. Though the |
average temperature of the three
worst winter months is 85 degrees of
frost. intense cold like this is easy to
bear in calm weather. But a strong
breeze at that temperature or within
20 degrees of it will kill every living
thing not under shelter. In the icy
cold of Verkhoinnsk an iron ax head
dropped on the ground smashes like
glass. A hoard of unseasoned wood,
on the other hand, freezes as hard as
steel. Frozen nicotine blocks the
stem of tobacco pipes. while one's
breath falls at one's feet in a fine
white powder.
Going Too Far.
Aloug a country road walked a man
and woman. The latter, a gaunt, stern
faced female, was bullying the meek
little fellow, who trudged just in front
of her with downcast head. Suddenly
the woman. turning, saw a bull racing
down the road behind them. She
quickly took refuge in the hedge. but
her companion. unconscious of aught
but his woes, kept on his way. The
bull caught up to him and sent him
spinning into a muddy ditch, then con-
tinued on its wild career. As the woe-
begone figure crawled out of the mire
he saw his better half coming toward
him. Plucking up a little spirit, he
whimpered, “M-M-Maria, if you hit me
like that a-g-g-gain you'll really get my
temper up, so 1 warn you."
More and More.
The gravedigger in “Hamlet” was
a very witty man, wittier far than
many of the epitaph makers who have
adorned headstones with their jingles. ;
A sample of the punning rhymes :
which are cut on tombs follows. It
comes from the grave of Willinm
More, at Stepney, near Loudon:
Here lies on> More, and no more than he. |
The More and no more—how can that be?
Why, one More and no more may lle here |
alone, |
But here lies one More, and that's more
than one.
Curiosities of Etymelogy. !
It is extraordinary how words for!
the same thing differ in even so small |
a country as England. Take “left'
handed.” for example. In Gloucester-
shire such a person is described as
“gecrammy,” in Staffordshire he be-
comes “craggy,” the phrase for a left |
banded Yorkshireman is “gawkrod-
ger” or “callick handed,” and in the
next county, Durham, he is “cuddy
paw.”—London Telegraph.
Experience Teaches.
“I wonder what has happened to Mr,
Green?" sald Mrs. Brown to a lady
friend. “He seems so dismal now, and
he used to be a practical joker!”
“Ah,” was the response, “he pro-
posed as a joke to his present wife.
She accepted him, and be says he will
never indulge In a joke again.”
‘A Prank of the Types.
A sentimental novelist, describing his
héroine as one who “always kept mod-
estly in the background,” was horri-
fled to find it recorded in print that she
“always kept modesty in the back-
ground.”
As Usual.
“80 your Shakespeare club is a great
success?’
“Yes. We have accumulated enough
fines for nonattendance to take us all
! nine times out of ten—1 will even say
| ninety-nine times out of ten!"
to a musical comedy.”-—-Washington
Herald. :
ain
Grinned Into Matrimen -.
That grinning matches were an ao
cepted form of sport in early Englisa
days is shown by an advertisement
announcing a gold ring to be grinned
for by men on Oct. 9 ui the Swan,
Coleshill heath, Warwickshire, which
appea-ed in the Post-Doy of Sept. 17,
1711. Addison gives a detailed ac-
count of one of these “controversies of
faces,” telling us that the audience
unanimously bestowed the ring on a
cobbler who “produced several new
grins of his own Invention. having
been used to cut faces for many years
fogether over his last.”
His performance was something like
this: “At the very first grin he cast
every human feature out of his coun-
tenance. at the second he simulated
the face of a spout. at the third that
of n baboon. at the fourth the head of
a bass viol and at the fifth a pair of
nut crackers.” Addison adds that a
comely wench whom he had wooed in
vain for more than five years was so
charmed with his grins that she mar-
ried him the following weok, the cob-
bler using the prize as his wedding
ring.
Powerful Bulls.
During a debate upon the second
reading of the Irish lapd bill in 1896
Lord Londonderry concluded a period
with: “This is the keystone of the bill
Are you going to kill it?"
Sir Frederick Milner. speaking on
the budget, said, “A cow may be drain-
ed dry. and if chancellors of the ax-
chequer persist in meeting every de-
ficiency that occurs by taxing the
brewing and distilling industry they
will inevitably kill the cow that lays
the golden milk!"
Lord Curzon—*The interests of the
employers and employed are the same
Discussing Mr. Asquith’s licensing
bill at a meeting at Shoreditch, 8 mem-
ber of parliament ronsed the audience
to a frenzy of enthusiasm by declaring
that “the time has come to strip to
the waist and tuck up our shirt |
sleeves!” ;
What Is Electricity?
Many persons young and old often |
wonder how the modern electric cars, |
| trains and locomotives are operated |
i
and what electricity is. No one knows |
what electricity is. We know some of |
the things that it will do. We have |
to a certain extent learned how to con.
trol it and for want of a better name |
call it a fluid. We have discovered, '
too, that it is one of the most impor- '
tant forces, if not the most important
force, of which we have any knowl-
edge. We are almost as ignorant of
many other great forces of nature—as,
for example, the attraction of gravita-
tion. For the present we must be con-
tent to observe such forces in action
and to devise the best methods to con-
trol them. In this knowledge mankind
has progressed wonderfully within a
few years.—St Nicholas.
Fishing Without Bait.
On the Nadoo creek, at Hukow, we
saw a novel way of fishing. Two
small boats were moving parallel with
each other about thirty feet apart.
The ends of a line about sixty feet
long to which small unbaited hooks
were attached about four inches apart
to two sticks were held respectively
by a man in each bout As the boats
moved slowly along first one man and
then the other would give his stick a
jerk. Immediately that the hooks
struck anything the line was gradu-
ally hauled in and invariably with
success. We saw fish struck four out
of five times, many of them running
apparently from half a pound to two
or more pounds. It may be that Chi-
na is the only place in the world
where fish are caught with unbaited
hooks.--North China News.
Custom House Humor.
Two Germans who were crossing the
Luxembourg frontier declared to the
customs officials: “We have with us |
three bottles of red wine each. How |
much is there to pay?” i
“Where is it?" was asked. !
“Well, inside us.” |
i
i
The official gravely looked at his tar-
i
iff book and read: “Wine in casks, 20 |
_ shillings: in bottles, 48 shillings; in
donkeys’ hides, free. Gentlemen,” he |
. earth and form a mass larger than
The Burglar's Umbrella.
Amoug a collection of articles used
by burglars when engaged In their ne-
farious calling is one particular con.
trivance that arouses great interest.
In appearance it resembles u large
umbrella that has seen hard service.
It was formerly the property of a bur-
glar. and it was by it® means that he
was able to enter the second story of a
building. Removing the cover, a stick
wound with ropes is revealed. The
stick opens like a telescope or a joint-
ed fishing rod. Wound round it is a
rope ladder made of strong material
and about thirteen feet in length. The
ladder is only wide enough for one
foot to be placed on the rungs. The
extending stick wax used to raise one
end of the ladder to the window
through which the operator wished to
enter, and on the upper end of the
ladder are two hooks to be fastened
to the sill. ‘This imitation umbrella is
regurded as one of the most ingenious
affuirs ever made use of by a thief.—
London Standard.
Took the Shilling.
A recruiting ~ .rgeant one day met an
ignorant youth idling, with his hands
in his pockets and standing before a
house on the front of which was a
notice informing the public that the
building was to be solid. The notice
ran thus: “To He Sold by Private
Treaty.”
The sergeant approached the youth
and asked him if he had ever thought
of joining the army.
“Not me,” was the reply. “You'd
bave nothing in the army worth talk-
ing aboul”
“Is that £0?" said the other. “Well,
how is it then Private Treaty has a
house for sale and him only a private
yet?”
The youth looked thoughtful and
puzzled, and presently, over a pint of
ale, the possibility of owning a house
by joining the army grew into a cer-
tainty and the shilling changed hands.
| —London Tit-Bits.
Wonderful Animalculae.
Of all the minute creatures that in-
cording to the Scientific American, as
the little living things that live in
stagnant water. They are called slip-
per animalculae, or, as the scientist
has it, the paramecium. These tiny
invisible things develop so rapidly tha
if they were able to live through
generations they would crowd
other living thing off the face of
is
35%
planet itself. Should they go on
producing until the nine h
generation these little creatures would
form na mass large enough to crowd
the moon and stars and eveig@he sun
entirely out of space. Luckily for us
this Is not possible. according to na-
ture's decree. The paramecium dies
after ir has attained the one hundred
and seventieth generation. and so the
awful possibilities are checked of its |
multiplying to fill the universe,
The Medicine Bottle.
In order to avert the most serious
thing of having a child take the wrong
medicine, mothers should adhere to the |
following rules:
Never give medicine in the dark.
Always read the label on the bottle.
Never go by the color of the medi
cine. '
When the bottle is refilled see that
the label reads clear.
Keep poisons locked up.
Keep all bottles locked up in a draw-
er or medicine chest.
Mistakes of giving children carbolic
acid and such like poisons in the night-
time make it imperative that mothers
study and adhere to these rules, for
! sometimes such inadvertent mistakes
bring about terrible conclusions.—Cin-
cinnati Commercial Tribune.
In an English Hotel.
Proprietor (addressing porter)—Was
the American pleased with his room,
William ?
William—Now, | wouldn't hexactly
g'y that. sir. 'E looked as if there
might be something that wasn't just to
*is liking, but I gathered from ’is re-
marks that 'e found it hunusually com-
fortable.
Proprietor—Well, what did be say
about it?
added. looking up, “you can go."—Der | yyyjjam_'E said it was cowlder than
Guttemplar.
Not on His Tombstone.
“What did he die of?" :
“A slight difference of opinion, as |
near as 1 can find out.” i
“Oh, a fight?”
“Not at all.”
“What, then?"
“Doctors disagreed, and he died be-
fore they settled it.”"—London Tit-Bits.
A Memurable Occasion.
There should be order in all things.
For instance, on one occasion we dis-
covered that the proper method is to
hook her party gown first and fix the
furnace afterward. Reversing the or-
der cost us $32.50 for a new gown and
spoiled her whole evening besides.—
Detroit Free Press.
The Poor Doctors.
“When « man dies, is an inquest al-
ways held?"
“Oh, no! If a doctor has been in at-
tendance the coroner is not supposed
to have inquired into the cause of the
death.”—Toledo Blade.
Not Nowadays.
“Polonius was a very wise man. Just
consider his advice to his son.”
“Reads well. But would a really
wise man sttempt to tell his son any-
thing 7"'—~Washington Herald.
There is nothing so easy but that it
becomes difficult when you do it with
reluctance. —Terence.
‘ell, sir.—Judge.
A Wiseacre.
Tommy—What is an acre, dad?
“Four roods.”
“What is a rood, dad?’
“Forty square rods, poles or perches.”
“What is a wiseacre, dad?’
“One who keeps a spare rod, pole or
perch to apply to a boy who asks use-
less questions. Fetch me my cane!”—
London Answers.
Off the Line.
“What became of Buts' educated
goat?”
“He had to dispose of it.”
“What was the trouble?”
ments, and there was a crisis when the
animal began to take in washing.”
Evidence.
“Was your husband a bear in Wall
street?”
“I think so,” replied young Mrs. Tor
kins. “He certainly acted like one
when he got home.”—-Washington Star.
A Young Cynic.
Tom—They say that every woman
is beautiful in some one's eyes. Do
Grandeur has a heavy tax to pay.~
Alexander Smith.
56-15-4t
a condition in the body an-
alagous to that of a liver.
mental dullness, th lethargy al-
ways consequent on evi-
i
A Corroboration
OF INTEREST TO BELLEFONTE READERS
For months Bellefonte citizens have
seen in these columns enthusiastic praise
of Doan’s Kidney Pills by Bellefonte resi
dents. Would these prominent people rec-
ommend a remedy that had not proven re-
liable: Would they confirm their state
ments after years had elapsed if persons!
experience had not shown the remedy to
be worthy of endorsement? No stronger
proof of merit can be had than cures that
have stood the test of time. The follow-
ing statement should carry conviction to
the mind of every Bellefonte reader.
Mrs. James Corl, 361 E. Bishop Street.
Bellefonte. Pa., says: “A member of my
family used Doan’s Kidney Pills in 1907,
procuring them from Green's Pharmacy
Co. and a complete cure of kidney com-
plaint was effected. At that time we pub-
licly endorsed Doan's Kidney Pills and as
there has been no recurrence of the
trouble, we again give this remedy a
word of praise. You are welcome to
publish this statement for the benefit of
other kidney sufferers.”
For sale by all dealers. Price 50 cents.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, New York,
sole agents for the United States.
Remember the name—Doan's--and take
no other. 56-12
Machinery, Etc.
Sn —— A]
‘WAGON AND MACHINE
Umbrellas
Given Away
i Absolutely free. Look us over. You
' may want a Sprayer or Spray Material.
JOHN G. DUBBS,
Bellefonte, Pa.
Opposite Bush House -
Plumbing,
Yeagers Shoe Store
Are Children
Worth
Bringing Up?
It can’t be done without
"RUBBERS.
This is what appeared in a recent
number of the American Journal or
Health:
The family doctor should din it into
the mother's head all the time, that
the health of their children lies in the
feet. Keep the feet dry. Never let
them get wet. No child should be al-
lowed to go out in snow or rain, or
when walking is wet, without Rubbers.
RememBER, Yeager's Rubbers are
the best and the prices just a little
cheaper than the other fellows.
Yeager’s Shoe Store,
Bush Arcade Building, BELLEFONTE, PA.
Good Health
Good Plumbing
GO TOGETHER.
ua gt sewerage. or escaping
Ww. .
't have good air
oid iy To OIG your Er yeu
SANITARY PLUMBING
be de A a ie Te
boys: Our workmen are Skilled Mechanics,
no better anywhere. Our
Material and
Fixtures are the Best
vot a cheap or inferior article in our entire
prt LA And with good work and the
finest material, our
Prices are lower
tha an he lowelt grade of hing. For
the Best Work try
ARCHIBALD ALLISON,
Bellefonte, Pa.
56-14-1y.
A Set of Harness in Nickle or Imi-
tation Rubber, at.......... $12.85
This harness is equal to any $15 set on the
Genuine Rubber............ $14.85
which has no equal for less than $17.
To insure should
Address all communications to
E. N. SCHOFIELD,
Mall One tie Pa.
to which he will cheextully sive his prompt
LYON & CO.
We are unpacking every day fresh and new Sum-
mer fabrics in wool, silk and washable stuffs.
Our line is again complete in the Marquesettes;
all new light evening shades, black and white.
A new line of bordered Batiste, the latest designs
in dress goods; all colors; only 25c.
GLOVES.—New line of long Gloves in silk and
cotton. New line of short Gloves in silk and cotton.
TABLE LINENS.—Table Linens in all the new
designs in the bleached and unbleached, 72 inches
wide. Other grades in narrower widths in
white and turkey red; special price 25¢. per yard.
Napkins to match all the fine Table Linens.
SUNBURST SILKS.—We are sole agents for the
new Sunburst Silks; 36 inches wide; all new shades;
only 35¢c. per yard.
TRIMMINGS.—The finest line of Trimmings in the
town. Embroidery and Laces and colored Allovers in
silk and cotton, and Banding to match in white, black
and all the new shades.
FICHU AND COLLARS.—The new Neck Fichu
and Dutch Collars. All the newest styles in Neck
Fichu, Dutch Collars and Jabots in white and Persian
embroidery.
LACE CURTAINS.—Just opened a large aseort-
ment of new Lace Curtains. All new designs in Not-
tingham, Point Lace and Tambour Curtains, from S0c.
to $8.00 per pair.
CARPETS, MATTINGS, RUGS, LINOLEUMS.—
All new patterns, at lowest prices.
MEN'S and WOMEN'S SHOES.
New Shoes for Men.
New Shoes for Women.
New Shoes for Children.
At the lowest prices.
LYON & COMPANY,
Allegheny St. 47-12 Bellefonte, Pa.