CAPiTOi ' »k Bimderv gS3J^i,“»»w«4t. . _//arn«&STy, p 4, ttHsh«u-Bt is t-fiiefly devnw *«OT uf<tt«nJ; Buok» fc r ■ '-" -tfa* /**&!& By* >.:. a MVfR.: ~ «J*ruTX AttOTBCT* •jwi. '•' MH«.;n*dp au4- to ( V J <•' • fer****"; *c, *» f |>UiM,jni«l m..d U.nßd u <mw ,! H' tba Ifcat liur-n paper. . <r<l * , S price*. Klusld o, & *? *- fc#W«»» «**<*. Harper's «**),)» {,•.**»*• S»fll«w, sci-miCr American. ‘Usnrf.i,, J(l - hipMd in «Jiy;*t,vie rctfnired, Uariw-.i, L.|Cnleker’Kwskp-. Jliackwooii'3 ..LT SJCltlau.* Music. io, bound In jrali and substantial Jwlf bTodw BeuS . giaw, PatouWet IjMm, uiod7n e,‘ l“i° y niodmu; Pnc«. Per**,,, Itn bind, aril! receirn a Bber.l ,1. ..“ s 1 Us aent to m rt enliiuwd }-’- ly packed and returned by ‘ Address F. L ' ~ IVJI j* DCRK. at tbe Tribune Mb a,,, v ®Uti»y. The, »m «s ; o& it t i & si > If S - =■ K, e| .? |f-§ 2 2«|l I; J s 2Ni 3^4- e ©. r S < O § * - *..&&ig r- OQ. I*3 ~ ; ■— ■£ ss - ’ "as § fc £ ,-2? £< o. £ r 'Osie^ :• I .iJa:|£- J 00 R ,l£ Bh*. i t-. te WFJSJ, ■AND CONFECTIONER. IWwms Srarar. ALTOOKjt, Pi^ ON HAND ■iAD, cakes, candies o. Ills t'WpiimumTittniiv.wijic), ■pi, wli or retail. nt the most r>.- ... sBs. K»REI . r V FRUITS, »uch as ifes, LEMON A PINE-APPLES ItSES. RAISINS, KUTSj &C, SC„ $ BAKED TO ORDEK. ■■■‘■ocm; ti-. on short uot:c« mid in tlw utti- Hb if I" art. RSand pries my stock and jo« »iil j.,,1 ‘•n*ap.a« c«g -I* imrcl.nsed «l»rwW. F ECTTONERY RUYSTEB SALOON. I - ■■ ■ - ■ l l> Lit \\ t) I Lx-* 3A - Altoona ,a«a Ticlnitv that t: ► jBiY.NUT KiiCIT •SToKJhh.alwr.M, V »- / V ; to behnt?. HJi<t j|. jr“<'.f iTKH SALOON 'in *h:c*h he will «frre up OTSTKJ:> f d‘ f’JEJScdy&iyt <m htijtn. Siam?* prejrtrw] to supply cake*. candid. & . fmr<i>s. He hirite«'ii thHrt'ofpullic that he c**ii render full satisfaction u> and saloon is. <iDVirginiasttoe?,;vUr Ifnll.' OTTO IIOSST mi-tf L FETTINGER’S; p-1 Igency. ihL, No. 7. MAIN STREET jL BOOKS. BLANK BOOKS. |fERY, (XINFJSCTIONARIES VRS & TOBACCO, •fOTIOXS IS GREAT VARIETY ICO.3iSTA.STij OS HASB. iISOT. iILO YD & CO., ALTWHA, PA STON, JACK &CO., [I- BOttIDArSBBMO, PA.. ISTKpZJRJS, Uitil, Johnston, Jack $ Co ”) rs ON THK PRINCIPAL kl Siit-r «p.l (*<>M for ■«!«.- rwiTed on dk|>oisit«. payable bn deai*nd, • or upon with Interest »t fiUrrete*. IK ESSLER PR ACTIO Al - respectfully iuilioubcos,^^^^£ ■ Altoona und tin* jmbUc pU continue* the m> *h*n he k*eps constwUj BKhI IIiKKXCALS, OILS* VABJOSA- trfioD to business, and* desire |© reader ««* ■-regards price, and quality. he bop** to Hi* share of public'patrooage. K'gierchauts supplM ob' pensenaU* term*, Bfn it<li«toiiUr' promptly attended to* ■»cri|>tk>B* compooudfd. [*-**• ri>Y FRIENDS WOULP DO i'k in »pon tb?cHofc.e va6 <*««*» it DHErSQ&m ,h • *.»r ■■ MiurarAjuriK*.. ___ ! Csr.of rilifaiußi bii) LARD OILS, RAM- , r*e nnid, Clltai pa, 'D AT McCOiIMIC-K^ltore hd «MortßU»Bt of BOBdyH>Udf IBS. —A . LAlftlK > N,, ) iiAT. TOUT'H, SHAVIXJ. SVS OF THINKING iU/AS ANl> PARAbO^- •* vggty, at CAHFISTB*G t«a*tw«mada» %J3ooa**»'-_ >;kal asmiktmknt of [aS-ORT «t WW 81 *!. Olh, \sm OF - -■->}■ .-Li-Ui^"—! ’ "' M, CRl r M A'DEBN, VOL. 8. irtE ALTOONA TRIBUNE.' 4 H He CHUM. - - ■ H.C.'DEBM. SDITOK* *?M> P«OP»lKTO»l. aonum, (payable inrariaMy in adranee,) $1 SO ill paper* diacontinned at tb* eipirationof the time paid tor mxs of loratTuxse 1 Insertion 2 do. 3 do. Ji0 „orl». * » » mi * » , (8 1ine*)............ #*) *5 : W ** - , i 6 •- ) i ou i nr 2 vo i*“ ■• }«> - » 1 » ■ 2‘« S » * , , v; -r three week. tunl less then three month*, 25 cents w n»r» for «ch iMertion. - 3 inoatha. 6 months. 1 yeer. J lie $ 3 00 $5 00 ..... 3 SO 4 00 T 00 4 00 6 00 10 00 ■■ - 5 00 * 00 13 00 V“ . .. 6 DO 10 00 14 00 . coinmn . »-«r moo » 00 M 00 » 00 40 00 . . ulUi i # traior* and Executors hotk*s *•—*»' I 10 echini* adterditog by the year, three aqua res, *,tb liberty to Chang® I— 10 00 or Bosineea Cards, not exceeding e line® f it‘i paper, per year ; b 00 iVuimuaications of a political character or iudividoal r«!.i will be charged according to the above rates. A ivrrtipenwjQts not marked with the Hamper ef laser je*ired. will be continued till forbid and charged u> the above terms. 4 notice* fire cento per line for every Insertion. •jiHtuarv notice* excoedinp ten lines, fifty cento a square. 5,x iioe* <> r I**- square BALTIMORE LOOK HOSPITAL - -TWjiiuKO ASA rkfugkfrouquackkrt * ihe Only Place Where a Cure Can be Obtained* Da. JOHNSON has discovered the ,au"t Ortain. Speedy and only Hffect oal Bernedy in . ~ world r-ji all Private Disease*, Weakness of the Bari; L mu* Strictures Affections of the Kidneys and Blad “ r involuntary DUcharges,.lmpoteuey, Generall Debility. wViuansss, Dyspepsy. Languor. Low Spirit*. Confusion , lira* Palpitation of lb* Heart, Timidity, Tremblings, u ‘ of Sight or Giddiness Disease of, the Head. , ", ~u Sose or skin. Affections of the Luer, Lungs. S tom * ,r Bowel*— those Terrible disorders arising from the " li.n Habits of Youth—those sscast and solitary prac more fatal to theit victims than the song of Syrens to ,‘ii. Mariners of Ulys-es, blighting their must brilliant , |,„ or rendering marriag* -*c.. impost!- YOUNG MEN • Sctciall*. who hare Income the ficlims of Solitary Vice, ir-iciful and dentuctire hebit which annually sweeps unti ueU glare thousands of Yoong Meo of the most .i idiei latent* and brilliant intellect, who might olher law entranced listening Senates with the thunders „f dequeues, cr wated to ectasy the liriug lyre, may call e lk full confidence. MARRIAGE Hur.oJ Persons, or Young Aleu cotemplating marriage, l# ;, ig H ware »f physical weakness, organic debility,defor* ai -t „ speedilf cured. ‘i- n.‘;o places himnel! under the care of Dr. J. may re lir..aj,iv ounfids in his honor as a gentlesian, and confi f r v r*lv upon his skill as a physician. f ORGANIC WEAKNESS ;x;ceauuiv Cured. *ud full Vigor Keslored-- L»isUes»iag Affection —which renders Life miserable iai marriage jmjH.s s iMe->is the penalty b>» the tut :ii-> y. improper indulgence*. Young persens are to .Ji : -orumit exers e* from not being awate'of the dread* t - w , ihat m.iy erur.u*. Now, who that under* #U i j, tiic subject will pretend s deny that .the power of -cati.-n is lo»t so-.ncr by those foiling into improper L*:-.'» thau bv the prudent? Besides being deprived the ires of healthy offspring. the most serious and de* tiructie* svmptniaV to both body and mind arise. The .v-rem becomes Deranged, the Physical and Mental Func :';o:u Weakened. Los-* of Procreative Power. Nervous Irri ;*v,fit>. Dyspepsia, Palpitation of lh« Heart, Indigestion* • Debility, a Wasting of the Frame, Cough, 'c.-1-.umpticn, Decav and Death. OFFICE. NO. SOUTH FREDERICK STREET. L.-r hau l side going from Baltimore street, a few doors •: v a tuf- ..Mroer. Fail not came and cumber. L-it-r, must be paid and contain a stamp. The Doc rar * Dodomas hang In hi* office ‘ A CURE WARRANTED IN* TWO DAYS. .Vo Mercury or Hustons Drugs. DR* JOHNSON, of the Royal College of Surgeons, London. Grad* o..ie from one of the mo*t eminent Colleges in the United Sut**, and the greater part of whose life has been spent in ae hospitals of London, Paris, Philadelphia and else where. has effected sOme of the most astonishing cures ti.it were ever known; many troubled with ringing in the and ears when asleep, great nervousness, being v armed at sudden sounds, bashfulness, with frequent b mhing, attended sometimes with derangement of miud. *• re cured immediately. TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE hr. J. addresses all those whothare injured themselves r-jproper indulgence tod solitary habits, which rain ! &' rh indy and mind, unfitting them for cither business*, »;u.ly, society or marriage. J fdKse are some of the tad and melancholy effects pro lu:-d by early habits of youth, rix: Weakness* of the Ba:k and Limbs. Pains in the Head, Dimness of Sight, Lj'i ot Muscular Power, Palpitation of/the Heart. Dye p-;»«y. Nervous Irritability, Derangement of the Dlgea nr« Functions, General Debility, Symptoms of Consump ti.-u. ic. Msntaut. —The fearful effects of the mind axe much to i* dreaded—Loss of Memory, Confusion of Ideas, De p.'eision of spirits, Bril-Forebodlnga, Avers lon to Society, isii- Distrust, Love Of Solitude* Timidity, Ac.. are some of tu* evils produced. Fsocsism of persons of all ages can now Judge what is :b- cause of their decUoiog health, losing thrir vigor, be ;-,riiDg weak, pale, nervous and emaciated, having a sin f-'*r appearance about the eyea, cough and symptoms of consumption. YOUNG MEN. Who hate injured them wires by a certain practice in- OJ!;rnl in when alone, a habit fteqoenUr learned from «vii companions, or st school, the of which are nijrhtlj felt, even when asleep. and if wot cured renders untriuKe impMible, and destroys both- naiad mod body, should apply immediately. : What a pity that a young mas, tha hope of his eohntry, tue darling of his parents, should be snatcheu from all prospects aud enjoyments of life, by the consequence of ‘teriatiog from the path of nature, and Indulging is a e**ru»n secret habit. Such persons xrsr. before contem plating _ _ ■ MARRIAGE, r?Q*ct that a senad mind and body are the meet necessary requisite* to promote connobi t! happiness.' Indeed* with out these, the journey through life becomes a weary pil grimage;'the prospect hourly darkens to the view; the mi ad become* tfaado wed with despair and filled with the melancholy that ch* happiness ot another be come* with our own. DISEASE OF IMPRUDENCE. When the misguided and imprudent votary of pleasure Sadi that he bait Imbibed the seed* of this painful die* ea»e. it too often happens that an ill-timed sense of shame., ■r dread of discovery, deter* him from applying to those wh-i, from education and respectability, can alone be irieod him, delaying till the constitutional symptoms of this horrid illssm* make their appearance. such as ulcera*. tsd sire throat, diseased nose, nocturnal min • in the bead tad Hmba, dlaneea of eight, deafness, tuples on the shin oonee and arms, blotches on the head, fkoe and extremb tie*, programing with frightful rapidity, UU at last the palate of tpe month or the boae* of the. nose Call in, and tb» victim of this awfal dime** becomes a ■horrid object of eummiseratfam, till death put* a period to his dreadful tutoring*. by sending hin tj “that DudiscoveyedCountry from whence no traveller returns.” , ' l It 1* a mdmetibljf /act that thousands fall victims to this terrible dmeew, owing to the nnaktUfulnsto of igno rant pretenders, who, by the nse Of that Deadly ibsson, Mtrzury. ruin the constitution and make the residue of life miserable. T strangers irim not your lives, vr health to the car* of the many Ealearned sad Worthies* Pretender*, destitute of knowl edge, asm* or character, who copy Dr: Johnston’s adver timraenu. or style themselves, in the newspaper*, rogn larly Educated physicians, Incapable of Coring, they keep Jon trifling month after month, taking their filthy and polftooous compound*, or *s Jong as U«* smallest fee can I* obtained, and in deapjalr,,leave yon with mined health to *igh over your gall Ink disappointment. •; hr. John*toiris the only Physician advertising. UU credential or diplomas always bang fa his/dßce. Hit remedies pr treatment are unknown to all others, prepared from a life epeiot fa the groat hospital* of Europe, the first in the country land a more extensive PHtaU iVtws tie« than any other Physician in the world. _ v INDORSEMENT Of THE PRESS. l he xoeny thousands cored at this institution, year after * n< * **** numerous important Surgical operations b - T Johnatoo. - witnessed by the reporters of the j'J*®*” supper.” and many other papers, notices of Jrl? *J« appeared again and again Defers the public, miKiw hi* standing a* a gentlemen of character andre tposeioiihy, is a sufficient guarantee totbsaflUetod: “'«**« SPEEDILY CUBED. *o letun ncired an!t.« po.t-p.id «d eooUißtnr , wsplobtuMdonthufiply Penan, wntinr ihoaM Mute H;.M»«nd portion of ..It.rtlwment dwcriblng •rmptolM LiJr?* Tf I *,”* Uioald b» p»rtkalw is dfreclio* tbeir IJn *• <W» I.rtitotloß, in th. foUuwinc BUnr: "• JOHNSTOM. M. 0., Ofth. »Uti»n.Xo«k*o,,itM,lUrJd»»d Abater §®rtrj). HOME. loate to witerc ifiMtidas bind ; Gwntle ln aniaon: Where the toteee til are kind, HokUag sweet comm onion ! Hone to where the heart can rat Safe from] darkening eorrow; 'Where the friends we iuve the beet Brighten beery morrow 1 Hone to where the friends that love To oar hearts are given; Where the hi seei ng* from above Make It seeip a Heaven! Home to wh«re the aters wHI shine In the skies above ns; Peeping brightly through fb« vine. Trained by those who love ns! Yea! *tis home, where smiles of cheer Wreathe the brows that greet u»: And the onto of aU most dear Kver come to meet ns! Jtltrt llisteUang. WHERE DOES OLD AGE BEGIN? Left to the 'popular vote,' hardly any two would agree as to the point of time at; which yonth desert* us and old age mount? I guard. That point of time Is nut an ar- j bitrary one, but is governed by the cir- I cumstances of : each case —some men at 45 being older than others at 60. The line of demarkatiOfi, too, is oftener controlled by the mental condition than we suppose. The art of growing did gracefully, depends solely upon the; disposition, and of all arts is the one which should be the most studied. Life is so short, that so far as possible, it should be perpetual youth, and in keep ing the affections and sympathies fresh and green, much can be done‘toward securing such halcyon days here below. By breaking down the barriers between youth and age; and establishing terms of intimacy such as mark the intercourse, of there can be a system of barter carried on mutually beneficial Age will bestow upon youth cheerful lessons of wisdom, and in return receive the riser, freshness and heartiness of the early years. Thus, one will be strengthened and the other invigorated. In a late “ Atlantic,” the Autocrat of the Breakfast Table has an article upon the time when old age begins, upon which ' the Boston Courier admirably comments thus: “We cannot quite agree with pome of the Autocrat’* notions, however. He makes old age begin too soon. In our childhood we used to hold such opinion' ourselves. We remembered the time when forty seemed a most venerable number of years to have lived. But it was a childish notiqn, and we have long since got rid of it. Caesar, in a more exhausting climate, called the Roman young tiJ 50. Forty five, according to our present views, matured by the reflection of many years, is quite too early a period for the begin ning of hoary i Age. It is a mistake to suppose that (ess fuel is then consumed than before. On the contrary, we have found that moire is required to keep the machinery in motion. The natural vigor is not yet diminished; the hair is not* gray* except in peculiar cases, which have nothing to do with years. “At 50, even, the appetites'are as healthy and vigorous, the imagination as lively, the dreams of ambition as absorb ing, as at SO. No, no, friend Autocrat— the earliest period we can allow you to begin to call a man old, is 60; from 60 to 75 he ought tb enjoy a healthy old. age; from that to the close of life, he should gently descend the down hill, and so pass away. Men grow old *arly because they think they most. There is no necessity no justification for such a proceeding. It was hot so In: old times, or rather in young times of the world’s history. We do not speak of the age of Methuselah —that was very well, bhi a little tedious —but we call; up from our classical recollection an example or two: Isocrates;wus a moderate case; he had a work on his hands, at the age of 93, which his friends advised him to finish, because something- might happen. He finished it, and a year or two afterward, when the “dishonest victory” of Chteronea tried to “ kill, by report, the old man elo quent,” it couldn’t do* it. He starved j himaelf to death. Georgias, the sophist, lived to 120 years, and died with an I antithesis upon his lips. I “But there is no need of multiplying examples. The fact is undoubted that the natural Commencement of old age is not at 45, by a good deal. Let men but; resolve to live out their days—let them di- j vide their minds into reasonable and ! proper stations, instead of rushing at such railway speed over thq road of existence, and coming ;to the terminus before the journey is half over, and then Ve shall see the condition of mortality taking an en couraging upward tendency. Then we should not be in such a terrible hurry; we shiould have iiime enough to accomplish all oiir tasks deliberately and thoroughly, and to repose on. our laurels, without worrying ourselves with the fear that we* shall lose our only chance to gain a sec ond wreath ajt turn. ALTOONA, PA., TUESDAY, APRIL 21, 1863. HOW TO PROCURE A HTTSBAHD. The following” true story might, per haps, furnish a matter for a little comedy, i if comedies were still written in England. ; It is generally the case that the more' beautiful and the richer a young female is, the more difficult are both her parents i and herself in the choice of a husband, ; and the offers they refuse. The one is too i tall, the other too short, this not wealthy, that not respectable enough. Meanwhile one spring passes another, and each year j carries away a leaf of the bloom of youth, ! and opportuniij’ after opportunity. Miss j Harriet Selwood was the richest heiress ! in our native town: but she had al- ; ready completed her twenty-seventh year, i and beheld almost all her young friends j united to men whom she had one time or j other discharged. Harriet began to be ; set down for an old maid. Her parents became really uneasy, and she herself | lamented in private a position which is t not a natural one, and to which those to ! whom nature and fortune have been nig- i | gardly of their gifts are obliged to sub- | |mit; but Harriet, as we have said, was! both handsome and very rich. Such was j ' the state of things when her uncle, a I wealthy merchant in the north of England, I came on a visit to her parents. He was a | jovial, lively, straightforward man, accus tomed to attack all difficulties boldly and coolly. “ You see,” said her father to him one day, “Harriet continues single. The girl is handsome, what she is to have for her fortune you know ; even in this scandal loving town, not a single creature can breathe the slightest imputation against her; and yet she is getting to be an old maid.” “ True,” replid the uncle; “but look you brother, the grand point in every af fair in this world is to seize the right moment; this you have not doiTe—it is a misfortune : but let the girl go along with me and before the end of three months 1 will return her to you as the wife of a young man as wealthy as herself.” Away went the niece with the uncle.— On the way homS he thus addressed her: | “ Mind what lam going to say. You are no longer Miss Selwood, but Mrs. LiAiley my niece, a young, wealthy, child less widow. You had the misfortune to lose your husband, Col. Lumley, after a happy union of a quarter of a year, by a | fall from his horsey while hunting.” “ But uncle ; —” “ Let me manage, if you please, Mrs. Lumley, your father invested me with full powers. Here, look you, is the wedding ring given you by your late husband.— Jewels, and whatever else you need, your aunt will supply yoft with ; and accustom yourself 1 6 cast down your eyes.” The keen-witted uncle introduced his niece everywhere, and the young widow excited a great sensation. The gentlemen thronged about her, and she soon had her .choice out of twenty suitors. Her uncle advised her to take the one who was the deepest in love with her, and a rare chance decreed that this should be the most amia ble' andf opulent. The match was soon concluded, and one day the uncle desired to say a few words to his future nephew in private. “ My dear sir,” he began, we have told you an untruth.” “ How so ? Arc Mrs. Burnley’s affec tions ” “ Nothing of the kind. My niece is sincerely attached to you.” “ Then her fortune, I suppose is not equal to what you told me. ?” “ On the contrary, it is larger.” “ Well, what is the matter, then ?” “ A joke, an innocent joke, which came into my head one day when I was in a good humor, wc could not well recall it afterward. My niece is not a widow.” *• What! is Gol. Lumley living ?” “No ; she is a spinster.” The love protested that he was a happier fellow than he had convinced himself ; and the old maid was forthwith metamorphosed into a young wife. Good Adice ok Sundry Subjects— Never cut a piece out of a newspaper until you have looked on the other side, where perhaps you may find something more valuable than that which you first intended to appropriate. Never put salt into your soup before you have tasted it. i We'have known gentleman very much en- j raged by doing so. Never burn your fingers if you can help it. People burn their fingers every day, when .they might; have escaped if they had been careful.-—■ Don’t put your feet on the table. True, the Members of Congress do so, but you are not a Member of Congress. If you form one of a large mixed, company, and a dif ferent stranger enters the room and takes a seat among you, say something to him, for heaven’s sake, even although it be only “ fine evening sir!” Do not let him sit bolt upright, suffering all the apprehensions and agonies of bashfulness, without any relief. Ask him how he has been ; tell Huq you know his friend, so and so — anything that will do to break the icy stiffness in which very decent fellows are sometimes frozen on their doubt before a new circle. [independent in evebtthing.] When the world was created, and all creatures assembled ti have their lifetime appointed, the a?s first advanced, and asked how long ho.would have to live ? “ Thirty years,” replied Nature, “ will that be agreeable to thee ?” “ Alas !’’ answered the ass, “it is a long while. Remember what a wearisome existence will be mine; from morning until night I shall have to bear heavy bur dens, dragging corn-sacks to the mill, that others may eat-bread, while I shall have no encouragement, nor be refreshed by any thing but blows and kicks. Give me but a portion of that time I pray!” Nature was moved with and presented but eighteen years. The ass went away comforted, and the dog came forward. “ How long dost thou require to live’ asked Natnre. “ Thirty years were too many for the ass, but wilt thou be con tented with them f” “Is it thy will that I should!” replied the dog. “ Think how much I will have to run about: my feet will not last for so long a )fme, and when I shall have lost my voitee' for barking, and my teeth for biting, what else shall I be fit for but lie in the corner and growl’” Nature thought he was right, and gave twelve years. The ape then appeared. “Thou wilt, doubtless, willingly liye the thirty years,” said Nature: thou wilt not have to labor as the ass and dog.— Life will be pleasant to thee.” “ Ah, no!” cried He, “so it may seem to others, but it will not be! Should pud dings ever rain down, I shall excite laugh ter by my grimaces, and then be rewarded by a sour apple. How often sorrow lies concealed behind a jest! I shall not be able to endure for tnirty years.” Nature was gracious and he received but ten. At last came man, healthy and strong, and asked the measure of his days. “ Will thirty years content thee ‘‘How short a time !” exclaimed man. “ When I shall have built my bouse, and kindled a tire upon ray own hearth—when the trees I'sliall have planted are al>out to bloom and bear fruit —when life shall seem to me most desirable, I shall die. — Oh, Nature, grant me a longer period.” “ Then shalt thou have the eighteen years of the ass, besides.” “That is not enough,” replied man. “ Take, likewise, the twelve years of the dog.” “ It is not yet sufficient,” reiterated man ; “ give me more.” “ I will give thee, then the ten years of the ape, and in vain wilt thou claim more.” Man departed unsatisfied. Thus man lives seventy years. The first thirty are his human years, and pass swiftly by. He labors carefully and re joices in his existence. The eighteen of the ass come next; burjlen upon burden is heaped upon him ; he carries the corn that is to feed others ; blows and kicks are the reward of his faithful service. The twelve years of the dog follow, and he loses his teeth, and lies down in the corner and growls. When these are gone, the ape’s ten years form a conclusion. Then man, weak and silly, becomes the sport of children. • A Sin Eater. —In the secluded moun tain vales of Cannathenshire, this was the custom not many years ago;—When a person died his friends sent for the sin eater of the district, who, for the small sum of half a crown, actually took upon himself the sins of the deceasejd, by a simple process ot eating them. The plan of operation was this:—A loaf of bread was provided, which the sin-eater first placed upon the dead person’s chest, then muttering some incantations over it, finally eating it. Will it be credited that he was believed to have taken from the defunct the heavy weight of his sins and to appropriate them to himself, fojt which act of kindness he was regarded by every body as a' tabooed Outcast. Indeed, im mediately after the ceremony was finished, and he had received his pay, he vanished in double quick time, it.being the custom for the friends to beiitoor him with sticks, if they could catch him. Makino Boom. —It was Henry Clay, we think, who, after he had finished his studies went to a certain town with letters of recommendation to an excellent member of the bar and asked his advice and in fluence in establishing himself in his pro fession. The encouragement he received was something like this: “I would be very glad to render yon any assistance in my power, Mr. Clay, but really there is no room in this place for another lawyer.” Mr. Clay, (if he was the individual,, for it is a long tune since we beard the story,) nothing daunted, straightened himself, and with toe reply, “Then sir, I intend to make room” left the house, The sequel nqed not be fold. fir The woman who never interfered with her husband’s affairs arrived in fown the other day. She is an old mud. THE LIFETIME OF MAK. COMICAL SPORT. Many yean ago, in England, when traveler* were wont to journey on horse back, and slept two in a bed at taverns, the following droll incident occurred at Chester: Two young bloods stopped at the Bed Fox tavern, and while going up to bed late at night (it being, hot weather,) they discovered the door of one of the bed rooms open. It so. happened that a Sqptchman and Irishman were both asleep in the bed; and the Irishman had ‘ kicked the kirer off,’ and one of his legs lay naked and nearly out of bed. “I'll have* some sport, now,” said one of the bloods to his mate, “if you’ll hold the light a minute.” The candle was held while the young chap went in, and, taking up one of the Irishman’s spurs (traveler’s , on horseback wore spurs in those days,) buckled it on the heel of Paddy’s naked foot He then gave Paddy’s leg a pinch, and hid himself behind the door. Paddy, though not > awakened, drew his leg suddenly back, and in this way sadly damaged the Scotch man’s naked leg with the spur. “ The de’el d—nyou!’’ exclaimed Don ald, rubbing his leg, “an’ ef ye dinna gang oot o’ bed and out yer toe nails, I’ll soon be gettin’ up and throw yer oot th’ window yer loot!” The Irishman yet slept soundly, and soon put his leg back in its old position, when the young joker, who had put on the spur, stole'' up to the bed and pinched his leg the second time. In went the leg again, the spur striking the Scotchman's leg, who now got in a terrible passion, and began to pummel Paddy, exclaiming, as usual, “ Get oot o’ bed and cut yer toe nails, ye loot! • Do ye fash a Christian mon to stan’ such a rough diggin’?” This waked up the Irishman, who at that moment bringing the spur to bear on his own other leg, vaulted out of bed.— Having procured a light, he looked down at the spur with the greatest astonish ment. “By 'my sowd,” said he, “what a .stupid fool is the hostler of this inn ; sure an’ he tuk off me boots when I went to bed and has left on one ov me spurs.. Strange.it is I didn’t notice it!” This explanation being -satisfactory to Donald, harmony was restored, while the author of the mischief sneaked out of the room to bis own nest. An Elopement and how it Ended. —A Baltimoft correspondent of the Cleve land Plaindealer relates an amusing _ ac count of an elopement, which took place in that city, a few days ago. It appears that Mrs. Brown (husband living) fell in love with Mr. Jones, but could not enjoy his company, because Mr. Brown was too much at home. Therefore Mrs. B. was induced, without much coaxing, to elope with the lover Jones. All was arranged to leave on the early Washington train last Friday. The husband got wind of the affair, went down to the depot, on the morning designated, and unobservingly lo cated the two, then wentdown the track a few rods, and waited for the train to pass. As it came along, (die had the window open—women always have windows open when they should be closed,) Mr. Brown took off bis hat and waved bis handker chief, while yelling at the fop of bis voice, “Good! Good!! I’m glad you’re going— hurrah for me —good! riddance,” &c. Mrs. Brown at first; locked amazed, then sneered, then made very ugly faces, then shook her fist and head; at Mr. Brown— then outsiders lost their view, and in siders relate that when; Mr. Brown was no longer visible to the fhttoless wife, she turned fiercely upon her seducer, and almost pounded the face* off of him. He was glad to get into the smoking car. At the first station, Mrs. Brown got off and walked back to Baltimore, a repent ant if not a better woman- Sequel. —The Browns are living together again. Economy in Wives. -»A young mar ried woinan, who has not had the op portunity of profiting by the advice and. example of a good mother, will find some difficuityat first in spending her money to the best advantage; foe there is really an art in spending money, though it is get ting rid of it. Some women will keep house respectably mid plentifully on one thifd less money than will be required by others, and without meahifess or illiberal dealing. But to do this, judgment, fore thought and experience are necessary. One woman will be aide to tell how much her housekeeping costs to a shilling, while another cannot guess within ten. The former has a method, rule, regularity, and a certain snm assigned to.her; with the Other it is all hap hazard—it comes and. It goes, she neither knows how, nor cares. And this is almost sure to be the case if the money is doled hut by her husband in a few shillings at a time. , ; A Powxbtdl Dbixk.-—An exchange, speaking of a drink he once had occasion to indulge in, says he could not tell whether it was brand; or a torchlight procession going down his throat. ;; ' . EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS THE MEDICAL USE OF SALT. The Mtdical Wcrtd says, that in many cases of disordered stomach, a teaspoonful of salt is a certain cure. :. In a rio&nt internal pain called colic, a teaspeonful of salt dissolved in a pint of odd water, taken as soon as possible, with a short nap immediately after, is one of the most effectual and speedy remedies known.— The same will revive,a person who seems almost dead frojn a very heavy fall. In an apoplectic fit, no time should be lost i« {touring down salt water, if sufficient sen sibility remain to allow of swallowing; if not, the head most be sponged' with cold water until the senses return, when salt will completely restore the patient from the lethargy. In a fit the feet should be placed in warm water, with mustard, ad ded, aiid the legs briskly rubbed; all bandages removed from the neck, and a cool aperient procured if possible. In cases of severe bleeding at the lungs, when other remedies failed, Dr. Rush tound that two teaspoonfuls of salt completely stayed the blood. WHY SALT IS HEALTHFUL. From time immemorial, it has been known that without salt, man would miserably perish; and among the horrible punishments entailing certain death, that cf feeding culprits bn saltless food is said to have prevailed in barbarous times. Mag gots and corruptions hre spoken of by some writers as the distressing symptoms which saltless food engenders; but no acr cident or uncbemical modem could ex plain how such sufferings arose. Now we know why the aninufl craves salt,, why it suffers discomfort, and why it ultimately falls into disease, if salt is for a time withheld. Upwards of half the saline matter of the blood—fifty-seven per cent., consists of common salt; and as this is partly discharged every day through the skin and kidneys, the necessity of con tinued supplies of it te the healthy body becomes sufficiently obvious. The bile also contains soda as a special and indis pensable constituent, and so do all the cartilages of the body. Stint the supply of salt, therefore, and neither will the bile be able properly to assist digestion, j nor the cartilages to be built up again as fast as they naturally would waste. — Prof. Johnson. As there seems to be some misap prehension in the public mind relative to the rules by which the United States Treasury Department is governed in the redemption of mutilated treasury notes and postage currency, we publish the fol lowing : 1. Fragments of a note will not be re deemed unless it shall be clearly evident that they constitute one-half or more of the original note; in which case, notes however mutilated, will be redeemed in proportion to the whole note, reckoning by fifths. 2. Mutilations less than one-tenth will be disregarded, unless fraudulent; but any mutilation which destroys more than one tenth the original note, will reduce the redemption value of the note, fay one-filth its face value. 3. Mutilated notes presented fur re demption must be in sums not less than three dollars, the original full face value. The Philosophy of a Heabtt Laugh. —No other exercise is equal to laughing. Nothing acts so directly and happily upon the organa within, both chest and abdo men. Ten hearty laughs, real shouts, will more to advance the greatest health and vitality than an hour spent in the best attitudes and motions, if done in a sober, solemn spirit. Of course, I know you can’t, laugh at will, so you must play with the dog, play with your children, introduce a hundred games which involve competition and fun. Open the folding doors, move back the center table, and go it. ■ Play with the bags, run for the pins, play any of the games which you jean i recall ftom your early experience. : One good laugh is worth more than medicine to restore health. have a little girl at our house who glories at being nearly- five years old. One day we hired a “ German” to do some gardening.' Now Hans was a great whistler, and liked this kind of oc cupation very much. Mollie was watching him in his labor when Hans commenced whistling. Pretty soon, all agape, I noticed Mollie, but thought it was.becaose of Hans' superior whistling. When; ho stopped, Mollie came running up to me, nearly out of breath ami asked— “ Mamma, is Hands Dutch ?” I answered in the affirmative. “ Why, mamma,” said JVCbllie, “ he don't whistle dutch P'. ! Stcmting too Fak. —One of the best jokes of the season is the statement that one of the candidates for Governor, in New Hampshire, who was “ stumping the State”. got some thirteen miles into Canada* making speeches to the k’nncks, before be knew he was oat of his own “ bailiwick.” WDU yonever see to-morrow % i NO. 12
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers