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tba Ifcat liur-n paper. . <r<l *
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S price*. Klusld o, & *? *-
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SJCltlau.* Music. io, bound In
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giaw, PatouWet IjMm, uiod7n e,‘ l“i°
y niodmu; Pnc«. Per**,,,
Itn bind, aril! receirn a Bber.l ,1. ..“ s 1
Us aent to m
rt enliiuwd }-’-
ly packed and returned by ‘
Address F. L ' ~
IVJI j* DCRK. at tbe Tribune Mb a,,,
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WFJSJ,
■AND CONFECTIONER.
IWwms Srarar. ALTOOKjt, Pi^
ON HAND
■iAD, cakes, candies
o. Ills t'WpiimumTittniiv.wijic),
■pi, wli or retail. nt the most r>.- ...
sBs. K»REI . r V FRUITS, »uch as
ifes, LEMON A PINE-APPLES
ItSES. RAISINS, KUTSj &C, SC„
$ BAKED TO ORDEK.
■■■‘■ocm; ti-. on short uot:c« mid in tlw utti-
Hb if I" art.
RSand pries my stock and jo« »iil j.,,1
‘•n*ap.a« c«g -I* imrcl.nsed «l»rwW.
F ECTTONERY
RUYSTEB SALOON.
I - ■■ ■ - ■ l l> Lit \\ t) I Lx-* 3A -
Altoona ,a«a Ticlnitv that t: ►
jBiY.NUT KiiCIT •SToKJhh.alwr.M,
V »- / V ; to behnt?. HJi<t j|. jr“<'.f
iTKH SALOON
'in *h:c*h he will «frre up OTSTKJ:>
f d‘ f’JEJScdy&iyt <m htijtn.
Siam?* prejrtrw] to supply cake*. candid. & .
fmr<i>s. He hirite«'ii thHrt'ofpullic
that he c**ii render full satisfaction u>
and saloon is. <iDVirginiasttoe?,;vUr
Ifnll.' OTTO IIOSST
mi-tf
L FETTINGER’S;
p-1 Igency.
ihL, No. 7. MAIN STREET
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|fERY, (XINFJSCTIONARIES
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pU continue* the
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Bfn it<li«toiiUr' promptly attended to*
■»cri|>tk>B* compooudfd. [*-**•
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i'k in »pon tb?cHofc.e va6 <*««*»
it DHErSQ&m ,h
• *.»r ■■ MiurarAjuriK*.. ___
! Csr.of rilifaiußi
bii) LARD OILS, RAM- ,
r*e nnid, Clltai pa,
'D AT McCOiIMIC-K^ltore
hd «MortßU»Bt of BOBdyH>Udf
IBS. —A . LAlftlK > N,, )
iiAT. TOUT'H, SHAVIXJ.
SVS OF THINKING
iU/AS ANl> PARAbO^-
•* vggty, at
CAHFISTB*G
t«a*tw«mada» %J3ooa**»'-_
>;kal asmiktmknt of
[aS-ORT
«t WW 81 *!.
Olh,
\sm OF
- -■->}■ .-Li-Ui^"—! ’ "'
M, CRl r M A'DEBN,
VOL. 8.
irtE ALTOONA TRIBUNE.'
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BALTIMORE LOOK HOSPITAL
- -TWjiiuKO ASA rkfugkfrouquackkrt
* ihe Only Place Where a Cure Can
be Obtained*
Da. JOHNSON has discovered the
,au"t Ortain. Speedy and only Hffect oal Bernedy in
. ~ world r-ji all Private Disease*, Weakness of the Bari;
L mu* Strictures Affections of the Kidneys and Blad
“ r involuntary DUcharges,.lmpoteuey, Generall Debility.
wViuansss, Dyspepsy. Languor. Low Spirit*. Confusion
, lira* Palpitation of lb* Heart, Timidity, Tremblings,
u ‘ of Sight or Giddiness Disease of, the Head.
, ", ~u Sose or skin. Affections of the Luer, Lungs. S tom
* ,r Bowel*— those Terrible disorders arising from the
" li.n Habits of Youth—those sscast and solitary prac
more fatal to theit victims than the song of Syrens to
,‘ii. Mariners of Ulys-es, blighting their must brilliant
, |,„ or rendering marriag* -*c.. impost!-
YOUNG MEN
• Sctciall*. who hare Income the ficlims of Solitary Vice,
ir-iciful and dentuctire hebit which annually sweeps
unti ueU glare thousands of Yoong Meo of the most
.i idiei latent* and brilliant intellect, who might olher
law entranced listening Senates with the thunders
„f dequeues, cr wated to ectasy the liriug lyre, may call
e lk full confidence.
MARRIAGE
Hur.oJ Persons, or Young Aleu cotemplating marriage,
l# ;, ig H ware »f physical weakness, organic debility,defor*
ai -t „ speedilf cured.
‘i- n.‘;o places himnel! under the care of Dr. J. may re
lir..aj,iv ounfids in his honor as a gentlesian, and confi
f r v r*lv upon his skill as a physician.
f ORGANIC WEAKNESS
;x;ceauuiv Cured. *ud full Vigor Keslored--
L»isUes»iag Affection —which renders Life miserable
iai marriage jmjH.s s iMe->is the penalty b>» the
tut :ii-> y. improper indulgence*. Young persens are to
.Ji : -orumit exers e* from not being awate'of the dread*
t - w , ihat m.iy erur.u*. Now, who that under*
#U i j, tiic subject will pretend s deny that .the power of
-cati.-n is lo»t so-.ncr by those foiling into improper
L*:-.'» thau bv the prudent? Besides being deprived the
ires of healthy offspring. the most serious and de*
tiructie* svmptniaV to both body and mind arise. The
.v-rem becomes Deranged, the Physical and Mental Func
:';o:u Weakened. Los-* of Procreative Power. Nervous Irri
;*v,fit>. Dyspepsia, Palpitation of lh« Heart, Indigestion*
• Debility, a Wasting of the Frame, Cough,
'c.-1-.umpticn, Decav and Death.
OFFICE. NO. SOUTH FREDERICK STREET.
L.-r hau l side going from Baltimore street, a few doors
•: v a tuf- ..Mroer. Fail not came and cumber.
L-it-r, must be paid and contain a stamp. The Doc
rar * Dodomas hang In hi* office ‘
A CURE WARRANTED IN* TWO DAYS.
.Vo Mercury or Hustons Drugs.
DR* JOHNSON,
of the Royal College of Surgeons, London. Grad*
o..ie from one of the mo*t eminent Colleges in the United
Sut**, and the greater part of whose life has been spent in
ae hospitals of London, Paris, Philadelphia and else
where. has effected sOme of the most astonishing cures
ti.it were ever known; many troubled with ringing in the
and ears when asleep, great nervousness, being
v armed at sudden sounds, bashfulness, with frequent
b mhing, attended sometimes with derangement of miud.
*• re cured immediately.
TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE
hr. J. addresses all those whothare injured themselves
r-jproper indulgence tod solitary habits, which rain
! &' rh indy and mind, unfitting them for cither business*,
»;u.ly, society or marriage. J
fdKse are some of the tad and melancholy effects pro
lu:-d by early habits of youth, rix: Weakness* of the
Ba:k and Limbs. Pains in the Head, Dimness of Sight,
Lj'i ot Muscular Power, Palpitation of/the Heart. Dye
p-;»«y. Nervous Irritability, Derangement of the Dlgea
nr« Functions, General Debility, Symptoms of Consump
ti.-u. ic.
Msntaut. —The fearful effects of the mind axe much to
i* dreaded—Loss of Memory, Confusion of Ideas, De
p.'eision of spirits, Bril-Forebodlnga, Avers lon to Society,
isii- Distrust, Love Of Solitude* Timidity, Ac.. are some of
tu* evils produced.
Fsocsism of persons of all ages can now Judge what is
:b- cause of their decUoiog health, losing thrir vigor, be
;-,riiDg weak, pale, nervous and emaciated, having a sin
f-'*r appearance about the eyea, cough and symptoms of
consumption.
YOUNG MEN.
Who hate injured them wires by a certain practice in-
OJ!;rnl in when alone, a habit fteqoenUr learned from
«vii companions, or st school, the of which are
nijrhtlj felt, even when asleep. and if wot cured renders
untriuKe impMible, and destroys both- naiad mod body,
should apply immediately. :
What a pity that a young mas, tha hope of his eohntry,
tue darling of his parents, should be snatcheu from all
prospects aud enjoyments of life, by the consequence of
‘teriatiog from the path of nature, and Indulging is a
e**ru»n secret habit. Such persons xrsr. before contem
plating _ _ ■
MARRIAGE,
r?Q*ct that a senad mind and body are the meet necessary
requisite* to promote connobi t! happiness.' Indeed* with
out these, the journey through life becomes a weary pil
grimage;'the prospect hourly darkens to the view; the
mi ad become* tfaado wed with despair and filled with the
melancholy that ch* happiness ot another be
come* with our own.
DISEASE OF IMPRUDENCE.
When the misguided and imprudent votary of pleasure
Sadi that he bait Imbibed the seed* of this painful die*
ea»e. it too often happens that an ill-timed sense of shame.,
■r dread of discovery, deter* him from applying to those
wh-i, from education and respectability, can alone be
irieod him, delaying till the constitutional symptoms of
this horrid illssm* make their appearance. such as ulcera*.
tsd sire throat, diseased nose, nocturnal min • in the bead
tad Hmba, dlaneea of eight, deafness, tuples on the shin
oonee and arms, blotches on the head, fkoe and extremb
tie*, programing with frightful rapidity, UU at last the
palate of tpe month or the boae* of the. nose Call in, and
tb» victim of this awfal dime** becomes a ■horrid object of
eummiseratfam, till death put* a period to his dreadful
tutoring*. by sending hin tj “that DudiscoveyedCountry
from whence no traveller returns.” , ' l
It 1* a mdmetibljf /act that thousands fall victims to
this terrible dmeew, owing to the nnaktUfulnsto of igno
rant pretenders, who, by the nse Of that Deadly ibsson,
Mtrzury. ruin the constitution and make the residue of
life miserable.
T strangers
irim not your lives, vr health to the car* of the many
Ealearned sad Worthies* Pretender*, destitute of knowl
edge, asm* or character, who copy Dr: Johnston’s adver
timraenu. or style themselves, in the newspaper*, rogn
larly Educated physicians, Incapable of Coring, they keep
Jon trifling month after month, taking their filthy and
polftooous compound*, or *s Jong as U«* smallest fee can
I* obtained, and in deapjalr,,leave yon with mined health
to *igh over your gall Ink disappointment. •;
hr. John*toiris the only Physician advertising.
UU credential or diplomas always bang fa his/dßce.
Hit remedies pr treatment are unknown to all others,
prepared from a life epeiot fa the groat hospital* of Europe,
the first in the country land a more extensive PHtaU iVtws
tie« than any other Physician in the world.
_ v INDORSEMENT Of THE PRESS.
l he xoeny thousands cored at this institution, year after
* n< * **** numerous important Surgical operations
b - T Johnatoo. - witnessed by the reporters of the
j'J*®*” supper.” and many other papers, notices of
Jrl? *J« appeared again and again Defers the public,
miKiw hi* standing a* a gentlemen of character andre
tposeioiihy, is a sufficient guarantee totbsaflUetod:
“'«**« SPEEDILY CUBED.
*o letun ncired an!t.« po.t-p.id «d eooUißtnr ,
wsplobtuMdonthufiply Penan, wntinr ihoaM Mute
H;.M»«nd portion of ..It.rtlwment dwcriblng •rmptolM
LiJr?* Tf I *,”* Uioald b» p»rtkalw is dfreclio* tbeir
IJn *• <W» I.rtitotloß, in th. foUuwinc BUnr:
"• JOHNSTOM. M. 0.,
Ofth. »Uti»n.Xo«k*o,,itM,lUrJd»»d
Abater §®rtrj).
HOME.
loate to witerc ifiMtidas bind
; Gwntle ln aniaon:
Where the toteee til are kind,
HokUag sweet comm onion !
Hone to where the heart can rat
Safe from] darkening eorrow;
'Where the friends we iuve the beet
Brighten beery morrow 1
Hone to where the friends that love
To oar hearts are given;
Where the hi seei ng* from above
Make It seeip a Heaven!
Home to wh«re the aters wHI shine
In the skies above ns;
Peeping brightly through fb« vine.
Trained by those who love ns!
Yea! *tis home, where smiles of cheer
Wreathe the brows that greet u»:
And the onto of aU most dear
Kver come to meet ns!
Jtltrt llisteUang.
WHERE DOES OLD AGE BEGIN?
Left to the 'popular vote,' hardly any
two would agree as to the point of time at;
which yonth desert* us and old age mount? I
guard. That point of time Is nut an ar- j
bitrary one, but is governed by the cir- I
cumstances of : each case —some men at 45
being older than others at 60. The line
of demarkatiOfi, too, is oftener controlled
by the mental condition than we suppose.
The art of growing did gracefully, depends
solely upon the; disposition, and of all arts
is the one which should be the most studied.
Life is so short, that so far as possible, it
should be perpetual youth, and in keep
ing the affections and sympathies fresh and
green, much can be done‘toward securing
such halcyon days here below.
By breaking down the barriers between
youth and age; and establishing terms of
intimacy such as mark the intercourse, of
there can be a system of barter
carried on mutually beneficial Age will
bestow upon youth cheerful lessons of
wisdom, and in return receive the riser,
freshness and heartiness of the early years.
Thus, one will be strengthened and the
other invigorated.
In a late “ Atlantic,” the Autocrat of
the Breakfast Table has an article upon
the time when old age begins, upon which
' the Boston Courier admirably comments
thus:
“We cannot quite agree with pome of
the Autocrat’* notions, however. He
makes old age begin too soon. In our
childhood we used to hold such opinion'
ourselves. We remembered the time when
forty seemed a most venerable number of
years to have lived. But it was a childish
notiqn, and we have long since got rid of
it. Caesar, in a more exhausting climate,
called the Roman young tiJ 50. Forty
five, according to our present views,
matured by the reflection of many years,
is quite too early a period for the begin
ning of hoary i Age. It is a mistake to
suppose that (ess fuel is then consumed
than before. On the contrary, we have
found that moire is required to keep the
machinery in motion. The natural vigor
is not yet diminished; the hair is not*
gray* except in peculiar cases, which have
nothing to do with years.
“At 50, even, the appetites'are as
healthy and vigorous, the imagination as
lively, the dreams of ambition as absorb
ing, as at SO. No, no, friend Autocrat—
the earliest period we can allow you to
begin to call a man old, is 60; from 60 to
75 he ought tb enjoy a healthy old. age;
from that to the close of life, he should
gently descend the down hill, and so pass
away. Men grow old *arly because they
think they most. There is no necessity
no justification for such a proceeding. It
was hot so In: old times, or rather in young
times of the world’s history. We do not
speak of the age of Methuselah —that was
very well, bhi a little tedious —but we
call; up from our classical recollection an
example or two:
Isocrates;wus a moderate case; he had
a work on his hands, at the age of 93,
which his friends advised him to finish,
because something- might happen. He
finished it, and a year or two afterward,
when the “dishonest victory” of Chteronea
tried to “ kill, by report, the old man elo
quent,” it couldn’t do* it. He starved j
himaelf to death. Georgias, the sophist,
lived to 120 years, and died with an I
antithesis upon his lips. I
“But there is no need of multiplying
examples. The fact is undoubted that
the natural Commencement of old age is
not at 45, by a good deal. Let men but;
resolve to live out their days—let them di- j
vide their minds into reasonable and
! proper stations, instead of rushing at such
railway speed over thq road of existence,
and coming ;to the terminus before the
journey is half over, and then Ve shall see
the condition of mortality taking an en
couraging upward tendency. Then we
should not be in such a terrible hurry; we
shiould have iiime enough to accomplish all
oiir tasks deliberately and thoroughly,
and to repose on. our laurels, without
worrying ourselves with the fear that we*
shall lose our only chance to gain a sec
ond wreath ajt turn.
ALTOONA, PA., TUESDAY, APRIL 21, 1863.
HOW TO PROCURE A HTTSBAHD.
The following” true story might, per
haps, furnish a matter for a little comedy, i
if comedies were still written in England. ;
It is generally the case that the more'
beautiful and the richer a young female is,
the more difficult are both her parents i
and herself in the choice of a husband, ;
and the offers they refuse. The one is too i
tall, the other too short, this not wealthy,
that not respectable enough. Meanwhile
one spring passes another, and each year j
carries away a leaf of the bloom of youth, !
and opportuniij’ after opportunity. Miss j
Harriet Selwood was the richest heiress !
in our native town: but she had al- ;
ready completed her twenty-seventh year, i
and beheld almost all her young friends j
united to men whom she had one time or j
other discharged. Harriet began to be ;
set down for an old maid. Her parents
became really uneasy, and she herself |
lamented in private a position which is t
not a natural one, and to which those to
! whom nature and fortune have been nig- i
| gardly of their gifts are obliged to sub- |
|mit; but Harriet, as we have said, was!
both handsome and very rich. Such was j
' the state of things when her uncle, a
I wealthy merchant in the north of England,
I came on a visit to her parents. He was a
| jovial, lively, straightforward man, accus
tomed to attack all difficulties boldly and
coolly.
“ You see,” said her father to him one
day, “Harriet continues single. The girl is
handsome, what she is to have for her
fortune you know ; even in this scandal
loving town, not a single creature can
breathe the slightest imputation against
her; and yet she is getting to be an old
maid.”
“ True,” replid the uncle; “but look
you brother, the grand point in every af
fair in this world is to seize the right
moment; this you have not doiTe—it is a
misfortune : but let the girl go along with
me and before the end of three months 1
will return her to you as the wife of a
young man as wealthy as herself.”
Away went the niece with the uncle.—
On the way homS he thus addressed her:
| “ Mind what lam going to say. You
are no longer Miss Selwood, but Mrs.
LiAiley my niece, a young, wealthy, child
less widow. You had the misfortune to
lose your husband, Col. Lumley, after a
happy union of a quarter of a year, by a |
fall from his horsey while hunting.”
“ But uncle ; —”
“ Let me manage, if you please, Mrs.
Lumley, your father invested me with full
powers. Here, look you, is the wedding
ring given you by your late husband.—
Jewels, and whatever else you need, your
aunt will supply yoft with ; and accustom
yourself 1 6 cast down your eyes.”
The keen-witted uncle introduced his
niece everywhere, and the young widow
excited a great sensation. The gentlemen
thronged about her, and she soon had her
.choice out of twenty suitors. Her uncle
advised her to take the one who was the
deepest in love with her, and a rare chance
decreed that this should be the most amia
ble' andf opulent. The match was soon
concluded, and one day the uncle desired
to say a few words to his future nephew
in private.
“ My dear sir,” he began, we have told
you an untruth.”
“ How so ? Arc Mrs. Burnley’s affec
tions ”
“ Nothing of the kind. My niece is
sincerely attached to you.”
“ Then her fortune, I suppose is not
equal to what you told me. ?”
“ On the contrary, it is larger.”
“ Well, what is the matter, then ?”
“ A joke, an innocent joke, which came
into my head one day when I was in a
good humor, wc could not well recall it
afterward. My niece is not a widow.”
*• What! is Gol. Lumley living ?”
“No ; she is a spinster.”
The love protested that he was a happier
fellow than he had convinced himself ; and
the old maid was forthwith metamorphosed
into a young wife.
Good Adice ok Sundry Subjects—
Never cut a piece out of a newspaper
until you have looked on the other side,
where perhaps you may find something
more valuable than that which you first
intended to appropriate. Never put salt
into your soup before you have tasted it. i
We'have known gentleman very much en- j
raged by doing so. Never burn your
fingers if you can help it. People burn
their fingers every day, when .they might;
have escaped if they had been careful.-—■
Don’t put your feet on the table. True,
the Members of Congress do so, but you are
not a Member of Congress. If you form
one of a large mixed, company, and a dif
ferent stranger enters the room and takes
a seat among you, say something to him,
for heaven’s sake, even although it be only
“ fine evening sir!” Do not let him sit
bolt upright, suffering all the apprehensions
and agonies of bashfulness, without any
relief. Ask him how he has been ; tell
Huq you know his friend, so and so —
anything that will do to break the icy
stiffness in which very decent fellows are
sometimes frozen on their doubt before a
new circle.
[independent in evebtthing.]
When the world was created, and all
creatures assembled ti have their lifetime
appointed, the a?s first advanced, and asked
how long ho.would have to live ?
“ Thirty years,” replied Nature, “ will
that be agreeable to thee ?”
“ Alas !’’ answered the ass, “it is a
long while. Remember what a wearisome
existence will be mine; from morning
until night I shall have to bear heavy bur
dens, dragging corn-sacks to the mill, that
others may eat-bread, while I shall have no
encouragement, nor be refreshed by any
thing but blows and kicks. Give me but
a portion of that time I pray!”
Nature was moved with
and presented but eighteen years. The
ass went away comforted, and the dog
came forward.
“ How long dost thou require to live’
asked Natnre. “ Thirty years were too
many for the ass, but wilt thou be con
tented with them f”
“Is it thy will that I should!” replied
the dog. “ Think how much I will have
to run about: my feet will not last for so
long a )fme, and when I shall have lost
my voitee' for barking, and my teeth for
biting, what else shall I be fit for but
lie in the corner and growl’”
Nature thought he was right, and gave
twelve years.
The ape then appeared.
“Thou wilt, doubtless, willingly liye
the thirty years,” said Nature: thou wilt
not have to labor as the ass and dog.—
Life will be pleasant to thee.”
“ Ah, no!” cried He, “so it may seem
to others, but it will not be! Should pud
dings ever rain down, I shall excite laugh
ter by my grimaces, and then be rewarded
by a sour apple. How often sorrow lies
concealed behind a jest! I shall not be
able to endure for tnirty years.”
Nature was gracious and he received
but ten.
At last came man, healthy and strong,
and asked the measure of his days.
“ Will thirty years content thee
‘‘How short a time !” exclaimed man.
“ When I shall have built my bouse, and
kindled a tire upon ray own hearth—when
the trees I'sliall have planted are al>out to
bloom and bear fruit —when life shall
seem to me most desirable, I shall die. —
Oh, Nature, grant me a longer period.”
“ Then shalt thou have the eighteen
years of the ass, besides.”
“That is not enough,” replied man.
“ Take, likewise, the twelve years of the
dog.”
“ It is not yet sufficient,” reiterated
man ; “ give me more.”
“ I will give thee, then the ten years of
the ape, and in vain wilt thou claim
more.”
Man departed unsatisfied.
Thus man lives seventy years. The
first thirty are his human years, and pass
swiftly by. He labors carefully and re
joices in his existence. The eighteen of
the ass come next; burjlen upon burden is
heaped upon him ; he carries the corn that
is to feed others ; blows and kicks are the
reward of his faithful service. The twelve
years of the dog follow, and he loses his
teeth, and lies down in the corner and
growls. When these are gone, the ape’s
ten years form a conclusion. Then man,
weak and silly, becomes the sport of
children. •
A Sin Eater. —In the secluded moun
tain vales of Cannathenshire, this was
the custom not many years ago;—When
a person died his friends sent for the sin
eater of the district, who, for the small
sum of half a crown, actually took upon
himself the sins of the deceasejd, by a
simple process ot eating them. The plan
of operation was this:—A loaf of bread
was provided, which the sin-eater first
placed upon the dead person’s chest,
then muttering some incantations over it,
finally eating it. Will it be credited that
he was believed to have taken from the
defunct the heavy weight of his sins and
to appropriate them to himself, fojt which
act of kindness he was regarded by every
body as a' tabooed Outcast. Indeed, im
mediately after the ceremony was finished,
and he had received his pay, he vanished
in double quick time, it.being the custom
for the friends to beiitoor him with sticks,
if they could catch him.
Makino Boom. —It was Henry Clay, we
think, who, after he had finished his
studies went to a certain town with letters
of recommendation to an excellent member
of the bar and asked his advice and in
fluence in establishing himself in his pro
fession. The encouragement he received
was something like this: “I would be
very glad to render yon any assistance in
my power, Mr. Clay, but really there is
no room in this place for another lawyer.”
Mr. Clay, (if he was the individual,, for it
is a long tune since we beard the story,)
nothing daunted, straightened himself, and
with toe reply, “Then sir, I intend to
make room” left the house, The sequel
nqed not be fold.
fir The woman who never interfered
with her husband’s affairs arrived in fown
the other day. She is an old mud.
THE LIFETIME OF MAK.
COMICAL SPORT.
Many yean ago, in England, when
traveler* were wont to journey on horse
back, and slept two in a bed at taverns,
the following droll incident occurred at
Chester:
Two young bloods stopped at the Bed
Fox tavern, and while going up to bed
late at night (it being, hot weather,) they
discovered the door of one of the bed
rooms open. It so. happened that a
Sqptchman and Irishman were both asleep
in the bed; and the Irishman had ‘ kicked
the kirer off,’ and one of his legs lay
naked and nearly out of bed.
“I'll have* some sport, now,” said one
of the bloods to his mate, “if you’ll hold
the light a minute.”
The candle was held while the young
chap went in, and, taking up one of the
Irishman’s spurs (traveler’s , on horseback
wore spurs in those days,) buckled it on
the heel of Paddy’s naked foot He then
gave Paddy’s leg a pinch, and hid himself
behind the door. Paddy, though not
> awakened, drew his leg suddenly back, and
in this way sadly damaged the Scotch
man’s naked leg with the spur.
“ The de’el d—nyou!’’ exclaimed Don
ald, rubbing his leg, “an’ ef ye dinna
gang oot o’ bed and out yer toe nails, I’ll
soon be gettin’ up and throw yer oot th’
window yer loot!”
The Irishman yet slept soundly, and
soon put his leg back in its old position,
when the young joker, who had put on
the spur, stole'' up to the bed and pinched
his leg the second time. In went the leg
again, the spur striking the Scotchman's
leg, who now got in a terrible passion, and
began to pummel Paddy, exclaiming, as
usual,
“ Get oot o’ bed and cut yer toe nails,
ye loot! • Do ye fash a Christian mon to
stan’ such a rough diggin’?”
This waked up the Irishman, who at
that moment bringing the spur to bear on
his own other leg, vaulted out of bed.—
Having procured a light, he looked down
at the spur with the greatest astonish
ment.
“By 'my sowd,” said he, “what a
.stupid fool is the hostler of this inn ; sure
an’ he tuk off me boots when I went to
bed and has left on one ov me spurs..
Strange.it is I didn’t notice it!”
This explanation being -satisfactory to
Donald, harmony was restored, while the
author of the mischief sneaked out of the
room to bis own nest.
An Elopement and how it Ended.
—A Baltimoft correspondent of the Cleve
land Plaindealer relates an amusing _ ac
count of an elopement, which took place
in that city, a few days ago. It appears
that Mrs. Brown (husband living) fell in
love with Mr. Jones, but could not enjoy
his company, because Mr. Brown was too
much at home. Therefore Mrs. B. was
induced, without much coaxing, to elope
with the lover Jones. All was arranged
to leave on the early Washington train
last Friday. The husband got wind of
the affair, went down to the depot, on the
morning designated, and unobservingly lo
cated the two, then wentdown the track a
few rods, and waited for the train to pass.
As it came along, (die had the window
open—women always have windows open
when they should be closed,) Mr. Brown
took off bis hat and waved bis handker
chief, while yelling at the fop of bis voice,
“Good! Good!! I’m glad you’re going—
hurrah for me —good! riddance,” &c.
Mrs. Brown at first; locked amazed, then
sneered, then made very ugly faces, then
shook her fist and head; at Mr. Brown—
then outsiders lost their view, and in
siders relate that when; Mr. Brown was
no longer visible to the fhttoless wife, she
turned fiercely upon her seducer, and
almost pounded the face* off of him. He
was glad to get into the smoking car.
At the first station, Mrs. Brown got off
and walked back to Baltimore, a repent
ant if not a better woman- Sequel. —The
Browns are living together again.
Economy in Wives. -»A young mar
ried woinan, who has not had the op
portunity of profiting by the advice and.
example of a good mother, will find some
difficuityat first in spending her money to
the best advantage; foe there is really an
art in spending money, though it is get
ting rid of it. Some women will keep
house respectably mid plentifully on one
thifd less money than will be required by
others, and without meahifess or illiberal
dealing. But to do this, judgment, fore
thought and experience are necessary.
One woman will be aide to tell how much
her housekeeping costs to a shilling, while
another cannot guess within ten. The
former has a method, rule, regularity, and
a certain snm assigned to.her; with the
Other it is all hap hazard—it comes and.
It goes, she neither knows how, nor cares.
And this is almost sure to be the case if
the money is doled hut by her husband in
a few shillings at a time.
, ; A Powxbtdl Dbixk.-—An exchange,
speaking of a drink he once had occasion to
indulge in, says he could not tell whether
it was brand; or a torchlight procession
going down his throat. ;; ' .
EDITORS AND PROPRIETORS
THE MEDICAL USE OF SALT.
The Mtdical Wcrtd says, that in many
cases of disordered stomach, a teaspoonful
of salt is a certain cure. :. In a rio&nt
internal pain called colic, a teaspeonful of
salt dissolved in a pint of odd water,
taken as soon as possible, with a short
nap immediately after, is one of the most
effectual and speedy remedies known.—
The same will revive,a person who seems
almost dead frojn a very heavy fall. In
an apoplectic fit, no time should be lost i«
{touring down salt water, if sufficient sen
sibility remain to allow of swallowing; if
not, the head most be sponged' with cold
water until the senses return, when salt
will completely restore the patient from
the lethargy. In a fit the feet should be
placed in warm water, with mustard, ad
ded, aiid the legs briskly rubbed; all
bandages removed from the neck, and a
cool aperient procured if possible. In
cases of severe bleeding at the lungs, when
other remedies failed, Dr. Rush tound that
two teaspoonfuls of salt completely stayed
the blood.
WHY SALT IS HEALTHFUL.
From time immemorial, it has been
known that without salt, man would
miserably perish; and among the horrible
punishments entailing certain death, that cf
feeding culprits bn saltless food is said to
have prevailed in barbarous times. Mag
gots and corruptions hre spoken of by
some writers as the distressing symptoms
which saltless food engenders; but no acr
cident or uncbemical modem could ex
plain how such sufferings arose. Now
we know why the aninufl craves salt,, why
it suffers discomfort, and why it ultimately
falls into disease, if salt is for a time
withheld. Upwards of half the saline
matter of the blood—fifty-seven per cent.,
consists of common salt; and as this is
partly discharged every day through the
skin and kidneys, the necessity of con
tinued supplies of it te the healthy body
becomes sufficiently obvious. The bile
also contains soda as a special and indis
pensable constituent, and so do all the
cartilages of the body. Stint the supply
of salt, therefore, and neither will the
bile be able properly to assist digestion,
j nor the cartilages to be built up again as
fast as they naturally would waste. —
Prof. Johnson.
As there seems to be some misap
prehension in the public mind relative to
the rules by which the United States
Treasury Department is governed in the
redemption of mutilated treasury notes
and postage currency, we publish the fol
lowing :
1. Fragments of a note will not be re
deemed unless it shall be clearly evident
that they constitute one-half or more of
the original note; in which case, notes
however mutilated, will be redeemed in
proportion to the whole note, reckoning
by fifths.
2. Mutilations less than one-tenth will
be disregarded, unless fraudulent; but any
mutilation which destroys more than one
tenth the original note, will reduce the
redemption value of the note, fay one-filth
its face value.
3. Mutilated notes presented fur re
demption must be in sums not less than
three dollars, the original full face value.
The Philosophy of a Heabtt Laugh.
—No other exercise is equal to laughing.
Nothing acts so directly and happily upon
the organa within, both chest and abdo
men. Ten hearty laughs, real shouts,
will more to advance the greatest
health and vitality than an hour spent in
the best attitudes and motions, if done in
a sober, solemn spirit. Of course, I know
you can’t, laugh at will, so you must play
with the dog, play with your children,
introduce a hundred games which involve
competition and fun. Open the folding
doors, move back the center table, and go
it. ■ Play with the bags, run for the pins,
play any of the games which you jean
i recall ftom your early experience. : One
good laugh is worth more than medicine
to restore health.
have a little girl at our house
who glories at being nearly- five years
old. One day we hired a “ German” to
do some gardening.' Now Hans was a
great whistler, and liked this kind of oc
cupation very much. Mollie was watching
him in his labor when Hans commenced
whistling. Pretty soon, all agape, I
noticed Mollie, but thought it was.becaose
of Hans' superior whistling. When; ho
stopped, Mollie came running up to me,
nearly out of breath ami asked—
“ Mamma, is Hands Dutch ?”
I answered in the affirmative.
“ Why, mamma,” said JVCbllie, “ he don't
whistle dutch P'. !
Stcmting too Fak. —One of the best
jokes of the season is the statement that
one of the candidates for Governor, in New
Hampshire, who was “ stumping the
State”. got some thirteen miles into Canada*
making speeches to the k’nncks, before be
knew he was oat of his own “ bailiwick.”
WDU yonever see to-morrow % i
NO. 12