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NKS, RAISINS. &C,
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CfrrtttUfactiou. None trot tb
TirfinU street, immftdbflri
JOHN H. &OBEST&
.. 7, MAIN STREET ■
D 5, BLANK BOQKB,
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McCEUM & DERN,
THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE. '
B> PCBUSOEEB AND PROP&IXTOBS.
, auuum, (payable invariably in advance,) $1.60.
aucontinued »t the expiration of the time
TKBM* (it ADVKMI^JIO.
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tdmlnisttabir* and kaecutor* Notices. 1 ?5
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Wrertiwmen * not marked with the number of inser
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•nrdinc to the above terms:
Business notices five cents per line for every insertion,
iiliitoary notices exceeding ten lines, fifty cents aaquare
BALTIMORE LOCK HOSPITAL
ml ESTABLISHED AS A REFUGE HBOM QUACKERY.
The Only Place Where a Cure Can
Dll. JOHNSON has discovered the
uiodt Certain, Speedv and only Effectual Remedy .in
the world for all Private Diseases, Weakness oT the Buck
of Limbs, Strictures, Affections of the Kidneys and BhwN
j er involuntary Discharges, Impotency, General Debility,
ScrVouiness, Dyspepsy, Languor, Low Spirits, Confusion
if Ideas, Palpitation of the Heart, Timidity, Tremblings,
Dimness of Sight or Giddiness; Disease of the Head,
Throat, Xo*e or Skin, Affections of the Liver, Lungs, Stom
»ch or Bowels—those Terrible disorders arising from the
Solitary Habits of Youth—those secret and solitary prac
tices more fatal to their victims than the song of Syrens to
tin- Mariners of Ulysses, blighting their most brilliafat
hupis or anticipations, rendering marriage. Ac., impoasi
K»|nn:taUy. who have become the victims of Solitary Vice,
that dreadful and destoctive habit which normally sweeps
j.> an untimely grave thousands of Young Men of the molt
uihalte 4 ! talents and brilliant intellect, who might other-
have eiitranced lUtening Senates with the thunders
of eloquence, or waked to cctasVthe living lyre, may call
with full confidence.
Married Persona, or Yeung Men cotemplating marriage,
being aware of physical weakness, organic debility, defor
mity, ic.. speedily cured.
He who places himself under the cure of Dr. J. may rp
iici"ttflly confide in his honor I ‘.as a gentleman, and confi
dently rely upon his skill as a physician.
Immediately Cured, and full Vigor Restored
This Distressing Affection—which renders Life miserable
;md marriage impossibly—is the penalty paid by the
victims of improper indulgences. Young persons are to
apt to commit excesses from not being awaie of the dread
ful consequences that may ensue. Now, who that under
stands the subject will pretend to deny that the power of
procreation is lost sooner by thdse failing into improper
habits than by the prudent? Besides being deprived the
pleasures of healthy offspring, the most serious and de
structive ; symptom* to both body and mind arise. The
system becomes Deranged, the Physical and Mental Fane
tioni Weakened. Los* of Procreative Power. Nervous Irri*
lability, Dyspepsia. Palpitation of the Heart. Indigestion
Constitutional Debility, a Wasting of the Frame, Cough’,
Consumption, Decay and ..Death.
OFFICE, NO. 7 SOUTH FREDERICK STREET,
Lefr hand side going from Baltimore street, a few doors
from, tbe corner. Fail not to*oWrve name and number.'
Letters must be :paid and couiain a stamp. Tbe Doc*
tor’s Diplomas bang in his office
A CURE WARRANTED tN TWO DAYS.
JVb Mercury or JVu&ons Drugs.
Member of the Royal College of Surgeons, London, Grad
uate from on© of the most eminent Colleges in the United
States, and the greater part Of whose life has been spent In
the hospitals of London, Paris, Philadelphia and else
where, has effected some of the most astonishing cures
that were ever known; many troubled with ringing in the
head and ears when asleep, great nerronsness, bein£
klarraed at sudden sounds, bashftilnese, with frequent
Muahing, attended sometimes with derangement of mind,
were cured immediately.
n n -take particular notice.
Dr. J. addresses all those who have injured themselves
|>y improper Indulgence and solitary habits, which ruin
both body and mind, unfitting them for either business,
study, society or marriage.
Thus are some of the sad and melancholy effects pro
■meed by early habits of youth, viz: Weakness of the
Back, and Limbs, Pains In the Head, Dimness of Sight,
Lou of Muscular Power, Palpitation of the Heart, Dys-
PWi Nervous Irritability, Derangement of the Diges
tive Functions, General Debility, Symptoms of Consumn
Mmtallt.—The fearful effects of the mind are much to
l* dreaded—Loss of Memory', Confusion of Ideas, De
pression of spirits, Evil-Forebodings, Aversion to Society,
Mf-Dwtrust, Love of Solitude, Timidity, Ac., are some of
the evils produced.
Tbou&awds of persons of alt ages can now Judge what is
the cause of their declining health, losing their vigor, be-
L-otaing weak, pale, nervous and emnclated, having a sto
ptilar appearance about the eyes, cough and symptoms of
. YOUNG MEN
»ho hive injured themselves by a certain practice in
dulged In when alone, a .habit frequently learned from
companions, or at school, the effects of which lire
nightly felt, even when asleep, and if not cured
marriage imposible, and. destroys both mind and body,
should apply immediately.
.What a pity that a young mao, tbe hope of hla country,
the darling of, his parents, should be snatched from pul
pn.vspects and enjoyments of life, by -the consequence; of
uemting from the path of nature, aad indulging in a
rmsm secret habit. Such persons bust, before contem
. MARRIAGE, •
2l!f S* * a wind snd body are the most necessary
P™® ol ® connubial happiness. Indeed, with
ow these, the journey through life becomes a weary pH
sniMge; the prospect hourly darkens to the view; t|ie
I *»dowed with despair and filled with the
eiaUcholy reflection that the hdppinessot another be
comes blighted with our own.
m«.i, Dls . E^?/.OF imprudence.
« n !t. .i? “ i4 £ nMe d »nd Imprndi-nt rotary of pleanire
omh thjtbe ha. imbibed the wed. of thte palnfnl <s%-
. to ® happens that an ill-timed sense of shame.
whT # discovery, deters him from applying to those
frl education and respectability, can alone be
thi. kJ-S'?.* a^n * the constitutional symptoms'of
twi disease make their appearance, soch as ulcera
nnd diseased nose, nocturnal pain s In the bead
dimness of sight, deafness, nodes on the shin
tim fcrrns * blotches on the head, feco and extremi
-otu£l^s^ttlnK^ ttln K with frightful rapidity, till at last the
mouth or the bones of the nose fall In, and
commit ?f aw^u i disease becomes a horrid object of
«n«SkI ert V on » death puts a period to his dreadful
from Sf*’ ending him to “that Undiscovered Country
fr g heD( ? no teller returns.” ‘ • r
thi« foci that thousands fall victims to
rantV!!. . liea,e »owing to the anskillfuiness of igqo
iff>*^t ten, l er9 * hy toe use of that Deadly ito’son,
life r ?^ n and make the residue of
Trait .. STRANGERS
lnl«.i. ot < )rour lv ra. or health to the cate of the ninny
«ii» n^ 10 ' 1 Pretenders, destitute of knowl
tUeeU».. or '“teeter, who copy Dr. Johnrton’s adter-
themaelvoa, in the newspapers, rego-
Jou M«1? tt(l ri , y , kh>n», of Coring, they keep
poiJSlr™® month after month, taking their filthy and
KohS? mp ?“ nd '> or »» tong as the smallest fee can
to Itiri, an ' i t® fiespair, lease yon with rained health
J)r Jnhe!!. r ' mr disappointment.
hit cnJ«i?i D th . e onl J r Physician advertiaing.
HU or Hiplomas always hang in his office,
prepared “ treatment are unknown to all others,
™ first in i? * '* spent in the great hospitals of Rnrope.
(ire than lml » more extensive Private Proa
“•c »ny other Physician In the world. ;
Thenu!l!?st R ® E M ENT OP THE PRESS.
>«ar.? h l h ”'!“ d * eu »f d »t this Inntitotion, year after
l*rfotmedh»%!li?ll!f rim !_ ! important Surgical operations
by the JeporteS of the
»hirh hare armenred d , al ’ > ; ot^ r P»l>ers, notices of
hesidts hU ” d and R S ain before the public,
'PmuibSk.^ 1 "*-" a . fichtlemen of character and r£
ty, is a sufficient guarantee to the afflicted. f
No le!tl!!£!il£5 8E ? SPEEDILY OUREO. , i
Tnuu u ™ following manner:
,H. C. DKKN,
NO FLAc BUT THE old flag.
No flag but the old flag—the red, *hite and blue,.
With the stars of a Union unbroken and true;
AriJp and defend It! ye sons of the brave,
Whose blood bought the banner your valor most save.
Wo! wo! to the traitor who drags to the tnlre,
The flag crimsoned deep with the blood of bis sire
If be rose np the legions on land and on sea.
Who are ready to fight for the Flag of the Free!
Up! op with the'Starsand the Stripes, and go forth
To save our great Union, breve men of the North!
Nor rest till the Star Spangled Banner ye see
Triumphantly float from the .Palmetto ?re«!
God bleas the old flag, an He bath done
Since he atrengthened the arm of our own Woahinirton;
And God bless the freemen,, devoted and true,
Who are ready to die for the Ked White and Blue!
CAPITAL STOUT OF HUMAN HA
The long walk down town from Madi
son street, where Mrs. Jefferson lived,
could be very much shortened by passing
through a dirty alley, designated “ How
ard street.” Mrs. Jeffereon seldom availed
herself of the advantage this cross-way
offered, but one day being in great haste,
she said to herself: ‘-I think I will ven
ture to go through this dirty lane.”
Accordingly she drew down her face to
its greatest possible 1 length, and with a
frown upon her brow, set her pretty gai
tered foot upon the walk.
Passing along, bewailing necessity
which subjected her: to the annoyance of
such miserable spectacles and offensive
odors, she approached a group of boys
amusing themselves with pop-guns. Half
a dozen shouted “ Pop goes the weasel,”
apd the potatoes from the guns of the ac
curate marksmen came in contact with
Mrs. J.’s nose. Darker grew the ' frown
on her brow, and darker still as she re
ceived the unmistakable evidence that the
aim was taken at her back. expres
sion of disgust mingled with Mrs. Jeffer
son’s frown as she discovered a dirty little
child smiling at her through a cobweb
curtained window. The baby’s sister saw
the look on her face and treated her to a
splash from a mud-puddle near the door.
“You nasty thing!’’said Mrs. Jefferson,
but was interrupted by.another splash from
a puddle near the door.
Some boys were making miniature loco
motives of mud on the walk. They did
not notice the lady’s approach until her
fretful voice inquired : .
“Can I pass?”
“ Yes, just as quick as we get this |njine
done,” said one.
“Let her go by, Bill. Only don’t tip
the cars over with your hoops,” said an
The boys considered this a very witty
remark, and they sent forth long and bois
terous shouts, which were anything but
Howard street was full of dirty, ragged
saucy children; and it needed only a pass
ing glance to 1 see that they lived in places
too filthy to be honored with the name of
Mrs. Jefferson was glad, enough when
she reached the broad and decent thor
oughfare, but she could not help seeing
the mud splashes on her dress; she feared
the potato from the pop-guns had; left its
mark on her face, and her; gaiter boots
had not been at all improved by'coming in
contact with the dirt. The faces of those
“ horrid children,” seemed to haunt her,
She went home the furthest way round,
resolving whatever her haste might be,
never again to try to save time by passing
through Howard street. Just behind her
tripped along her little neighbor, Mrs.
“ Bather uninviting,” she said to herself,
as her happy face looked down the dingy
alley, “ but I’ll try and see how many
smiles' I can get from the dirty .little
With grateful feelings in her heart, that
God had drawn her lines in pleasant places,
she reached the pop-gun marksmen, who
had just taken such successful aim at Mrs.
“Now for my smiles,” thought Mrs.
Baldwin, as she greeted the boys with
such a frank, genial look that if won pleas
ant answering smiles from all bat one.—
He tyas so busy getting his pop-gun into
running order, that he did not see her face
until the other boys exclaimed:
“Hold on, Tom. Don’t shoot that
lady?” ■ .- ,
Tom looked up with an expression which
said, “ I will if I‘ have a mind to.” But
the lady gave him such a merry smile that
he drew back a little and Mrs. Baldwin
heard him say:
“ Well, I’d rather not shoot her, i 1
The dirty baby was still peeping through
cobwebs. He caught a glimpse of her
sunshiny face, and instantly commenced
such a crowing and capering, that the lady
had to stop and low ait him and say
aloud: ■ ' -
“ What a dear baby you are.”
BY JENNY PAKKEB.
ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, JUNE 5, 1862
Baby’s sister saw the admiring look and
heard the praise bestowed, and hurried to
the door, broom in hand, not this lime to
improvise a shower from the mud puddle,
but she said:
“The walk is so dirty for your nice
dress, that 1 want to brush it off for you.”
The little engine makers were engrossed
with their mud toys, and hesitated about
leaving their work long enough to let the
lady pass;; but she said pleasantly:
“These are'very nice locomotives, boys.
I’ll try and not come in. collision with
The boys made way for her right quick
ly, and from the voice of mure than one
of them came a “ beg pardon, ma’m.”
Every little child was ready to give back
smile for smile, and it was with a face ra
diant with happiness that she greeted her
friends as she passed down Main street. —
Mrs. Baldwin told her hiLsband all about
the walk, and her adventures, and he,
(silly fellow,) kissed her and said:
“Bless your heart, wife! You are a per
fect sunbeam. Who, besides you, could
find anything but wretchedness in Howard
Mrs. Jefferson thought she would never
go near the dirty alley again ; but on talk
ing to some ladies of a benevolent associa
tion ol the degradation of its inhabitants,
she consented after considerable urging, to
go as a missionary to the “ poor miserable
creatures.” She supplied herself with a
bundle of tracts, and taking care to wear
clothing that would not suffer the least in
jury from dirt, she sailed forth on her mis
“Dear, dear me!” she said, as she en
tered a wretched domicile, “I should
think you would infect the whole city with
fevers and cholera. Don’t you know it is
shamefully wicked to be so dirty ? Are
you a friend of the Savior ?” she added in
a simple tone. ’v
"I don’t want to be, if you are,” was
the reply. V
“ Here are ■some tracts I would like to?
have you read, if you can.”
The woman snatched the tracts from
her hand, tore them to pieces,, and threw
them in her 'visitor’s face.
Shaking the dust from her feet, Mrs.
Jefferson passed from that house to anoth
er, making, similar remarks, and meeting
with a similar reception.
“Here 'comes that cross woman, that
looks so ugly at baby’s sister and compan
ions,” and she slammed the door in Mrs.
“ I should think you would be sick, and
I should think your husband would drink,”
says Mrs. J., to a pale, feeble-?looking
woman. ;“ lam not surprised at it at all.
You oughn’t to live in this miserable
Mrs. Jefferson did her duty in distribu
ting her tracts, but she had the satisfaction
of seeing themost of them follow her into
the steet, and the rest consigned to the
“Those Creatures are hopelessly de
praved,” said Mrs. Jefferson. “ There is
no use trying to do anything for Howard
Mrs. Baldwin could not help feeling an
interest in the children who responded so
readily to her kind looks, and so, without
telling even Mr. Baldwin what she pro
posed to do, she set out to make some
calls upon them.' .She thought she would
call first wherp the baby lived, for she felt
quite sure of a kind reception.
“ ’Twas a joyful welcome they gave her,
for the baby’s sister exclaimed :
“ O, here is the pleasant lady who stop
ped to look at Patsy the other day! O,
She is coming right in here!”
“It is too dirty a place, for the like
o’ye,” said Patsy’s mother.
“ Never mind,” said our sunshiny Mrs.
Baldwin, “I (felt like dropping in and I
thought I would take the liberty.”
“ Bless ye fork! lam ashamed to have
a rale lady to see my house. Things did
not used to go so wid me. No indade!”
and the poor woman poured her life’s his
tory into the Stranger’s ear.
Tears filled the lovely listener’s eyes,
and she replied: “ I think I can under
stand your’ feelings, my good woman. A
poor, weary;body must require rest after
she has been out over a wash-tub all day ;
but this smart little girl, who swept the
walk so nicely the other day, could make
.a capital house-keeper lam sure. Wen’t
you try it, hiy little girl? Won’t you
place everything, and scrub everything up
dean, and keep nice anfi tidy? Try, so
when I call again, I can see how nice you
look Ifere. \ Wash your dear little baby
brother’s face and brush his hair, and have
his clothing clean, and I shall love to tend
and kiss him, for he is a beautiful baby I
Mrs. Baldwin called upon 'every family
in Howard street that afternoon. None
treated her rudely, and many opened their
hearts to her, as the baby’s mother had
done. They promised to follow the advice
she while her tears fell with theirs,
and the kind .looks and encouraging words
left sunbeams in the cheerless home after
she had gone.
In two or three weeks Mrs. Baldwin
called again. Baby’s sister bounded to
meet her, exclaiming with delight: “The
(INDKPKNIiKNT IN EVERYTHING.]
sweet lady has come at last! she’s come at
The “ sweet lady” could hardly believe
it was the same place where she had called
‘before. The cobwebs had been brushed
down—the old broom, instead of doing
service in the mud-puddle, had swept and
scrubbed the floor. Everything was in or
der. A few weeds and common flowers
formed a boquet for the table, and the
crowing, capering baby was perfectly be
witching in his wholesome cleanliness.
“ Well done my brave little girl! I hope
you will keep on.” .
“Keep on! indeed an’ I will keep on,
ma’am. Father says he won’t stop away
nights as long us everything is so nice and
pleasant here—and my mother says she
can rest a great deal better when she comes
home, and her face looks so happy, too.—
O, ain't it nice to be clean!”
Some had failed to carry out their plans
of reform, but others had succeeded, and
testified to the delights of a neat, orderly
home. The indolent and discouraged house
keepers were roused by the good example
of their neighbors, and one by one they
followed suit, until at length the leaven
had leavened the whole lump.
After two or three such friendly visits
Mrs. Baldwin took some tracts with hdK
They were not only kindly received, but
different families met together to hear
them read—not so much for the good they
might get as for the kind lady’s sake. The
tracts produced good effects, however, and
from time to time were added to the vari
ous city churches from the inhabitants of
Howard street such as shall be saved.
It was two years ago that Mrs. Baldwin
made her first call at the dirty alley, and
now the walk which shortened the way
down is lined with neat cottages, with
flowers in the yards, and vines curtaining
the windows—the homes of sober contented
working men and women. Mrs. Jefferson
wonders, and many others, what can have
wrought such happy changes. Mrs. Bald
win has never blazoned her successful
work abroad, but she thanks God thaThe
made her the instrument of beginning the
work in Howard street.
A Wokd to the Giuls. —Girls, you
want to get married, don’t you ? Ah!
what a natural thing it is for young ladies
who have such a hankering after the stern
er sex! It is a weakness that woman has,
and for this reason she is called the weak
er sex. Well, if you want to get married,
don’t, for conscience sake, act like fools
about it. Don’t go into a fit of nips every
time you see a hat and a pair of whiskers.
Don’t get the idea into your heads that
you must put yourself | into the way of
every young man in the' neighborhood, in
order to attract notice; for if you don’t
run after him he will bei after you. Mark
A husband hunter is the most detesta
ble of all young ladies. She isfull of starch
and puckers; she puts on so many false airs
and she is so nice, that alie appears ridicu
lous in the eyes of every decent person. —
She may generally be found at church or
meeting, coming in, of course, about the
last one; always at social parties, and in
variably takes a front seat at concerts. She
tries to be the belle of the place, and thinks
she is. Poor girl! You are fitting your
self for an old maid, just as sure as the
Sabbath comes on Sunday. Men will flirt
with you, and flatter you simply because
they love to do it; but they have no more
idea of making you a wife than they have
of committing suicide. Young men should
have no more to do with such fancy wo
men than they would with a viper.
A Hint fob the Young.— The Rev.
Sidney Smith, in one of the ablest of his
“I know of no principle which it is of
more importance to fix in the minds of
young people, than, that of the most de
termined resistance to the encroachment of
ridicule—not up to the ' world, nor to the
ridicule with which the .world enforces its
dominion over every tijifiing question of
manner and appearance! Learn in your
earliest days to insure - your principles
agifinst the perils of ridicule. If you think
it right to difier from the times, and to
make a stand for any valuable point of
morals, do it, however antiquated, how
ever pedantic it may appear; do it not for
insolence, but seriously and gradually, as
a man who wears a soul of his ownjn his
own bosom, and does not wait till it shall
be breathed into him by the breath of fash
ion. Let me call you mean if you'know
you are just; hypocritical, if you are hon
estly religions; pusillanimous, if you feel
you are firm. Resistance soon converts
unprincipled wit into sincere respect; and
no after time can tear you from those feel
ings which every man carries within him,
who made a noble and successful exertion
in a virtuous cause.”
*** Wife, I thought you said you were
going to have a goose for dinner!”
“So l did; and I’ve kept my word.”
“Where is it?”
“ Why, my dear, ain’i you here?”
Smith couldn’t see the point of that
GIRLS* IDEAS OF MSH.
At sixteen, a girl considers no man good
enough to be her husband. Shemust have
a teal, live archangel, with “humid orbs,”
a “marble brow,” on which “dieter wavy
tresses, black as the raven’s wing f’a mous
tache of silken softness, and ebon hue; in
a word, no human being, of flesh and blood
qualities, but an altogether sweet and love
ly 'and ideal creature, in purple and linen
with plenty of money and no small vices.
Unfortunately, no such person exists. He
is a pleasant myth of the butteisthunder
school of romance, and has no; material
form in this world of comer lots, dry goods
arid gas bills. At eighteen, the girl dis
covers that unwholesome truth, and chan
ges her view accordingly. She is probably
in love by that time with some decent,
looking and sensible young fellow, who,
though hardly an archangel, does very well
to idealize. Then it must be a great man.
A Judge of the Supreme Court might do;
a great general would be very acceptable;
the President of the United States would
be just the thing; or a foreign Prince or
Count might find a welcome if genuine.—
Put Tom or Harry utterly refuses to be
come either a judge, a general, a president,
or a foreign nobleman. He remains good
looking, penniless and clever, and the as
piring yoking lady loves him as much as
Finally, when the affair is settled, she
either weds him at twenty, settles down
into an excellent matron, and enjoys her
life ; or breaks her heart, and marries a tal
low-chandler, bald, but wealthy, at twenty
five, and regrets it at her leisure. Such is
the general history of maidens who set
■forthwith the idea of marrying'nothing
short of a novelesque hero.
Be.vutifui. Sentiment. —The following
extract is taken from “Nott’s Address to
Young Men.” It is a gem of brilliancy and
beauty. We have seen the extract publish
ed once or twice before, but sp altered
from the original as to have lost much of
its freshness and purity:
“I would frown on vice; I would favor
virtue —favor whatever wopld elevate,
would exalt, would adorn* character, alle
viate the miseries of my species, or con
tribute to render the world I inhabited
like the heavens to which I looked, a place
of innocence and fidelity. Though I were
to exist no longer than those ephemera
that sport in the beams of the Siunmer’s
mom, during that short hour I would
rather soar with the eagle, and leave the
record of my flight, and fall, among the
stars, than to creep in the gutter with the
reptile, and bed ipy memory and my body
together in the dunghill. .Hpwever short
my part, I would act it well, that I might
surrender my existence without disgrace,
To Take the Scent out op Clothing.
—Sitting on thC piazza of the Cataract
was a young, foppish looking gentleman,
his garments very highly scented, with a
mingled odor of musk and cologne. A
solemn faced, odd looking man, after pass
ing by the dandy several times with a look
of aversion which drew general notice,
suddenly stopped and in a confidential tone
“ Stranger I know what’ll take that
scent out of your clothes; you—”
“ What! what do you mean, sir!” said
the exquisite fired with indignation, start
ing from his chair.
“ Oh, get mad now—swear, pitch round
just because a man wants to do you a
kindness!” coolly replied the stranger.—
“But I tell you I do know what will take
that smell out —phew! You just bury
your clothes—bury them a day or two.—
Uncle Josh got afoul of a skunk, and he
At this moment there wentfup from the
crowd a simultaneous roar of merriment,
and the dandy very sensibly “ dented the
coop” and vanished up stairs.
Blow Youb Nose. —Jones went to ser
enade his lady-love and could only sing
after the following manner: ;
“ Cub, oh, cub, with be,
The boob is beabin;
Cub, oh, cub with be.
The stars are gleabin,;
And all around above
With beauty teabin; ■
Boodlight hours are beet for lub.”
Jones felt that he was an unfortunate
being when a small boy opposite: where he
was singing cried out, “Blow your doze,
you dab fool.”
'O' “ Ma, I want some liquid generosity
oi) my bread and butter.”
“Some what, my child?**
“ Some liquid generosity.”
“What in the woj-ld does the bqy mean
by liquid generosity! What is it, njy son?”
“Gosh.roam don’t yon know? Why
it is molasses to be sure.” ; '
“Here, Bridget, spank this boy and put
him to bed.” ,
CT A doctor went to bleed a dandy who
languidly exclaimed, “Oh,
a good butcher?!” to which the Raptor 're
plied, “Yes, Tin good at sticking qalvesl”
EDITORS AND PBOPBIETQBS.
A BEAUTIFTH, APPEAL
We copy the following beautiful appeal
from the Nashville. Union of the 17th inst.
The appeal is applicable not only toTen
nessee, but also to those from every other
State whp are now fighting unoer the
banner of rebellion:
“ Wanderersfrom the fold of patriot
ism, who have gone from the protecting
shadow of the flag of your coutatty,cOrae
home; oh, come home! Thousands of your
fellow-citizens, your relatives, your neigh
bors, stand with outstretched arms and ea
ger eyes tearfully awaiting your return:
Do you not hear the clansmen of the
Union rallying once more along the hills
of Tennessee 1 Break not on your ear the
familiar strains of Yankee Doodle, Hail
Columbia, and the Star-Spangled Banner ?
Do you not behold the same old flag which
floated over Lundy’s Lane, and Lake
Champlain, and Monterey, and Chepnltepec
and Buena Vista, flying at the hfead of
triumphant legions and victorious navies?
Do not yOur hearts warm within you at
the recollection of a thousand holy and
patriotic memories? Come back td the
Union. Desert the black flag of a fidfibg
and ignominious rebellion. Fly ftom the
rebel camp as from a city cursed with the
leprosy or the plague.”
Tbcth.— Eveiy word of it Cotit dot
and leam it by heart:
We should make it a principle ttt extend
the hand rtf fellowship to every manwho
discharges faithfully his duties, and main
tains good order—who manifes&a" «fa»j>
interest in the welfare of general society—
whose deportment is upright, ahdwhdee
mind is intelligent—without stoopingto
ascertain whether he swings a hammer or
draws a thread. There is nothing so dis
tant from all natural claims as the reluc
tant, the backward sympathy, die farced
smile, the checked conversation, the neces
sitating compliance, the well off are apt to
manifest to those a little lower down, with
whom in comparison of intellect and prin
ciples of virtue, they frequently rank- into
Mk. Snipe’s Lixant.— From doctor’s
bills, western chills, and other ills, deliver
• From want of gold, wives that sedd,
maidens old, and sharpers “ sold,” deliver
From lady flirts, tobacco squirts, and
short tailed shirts, deliver us.
From stinging flies, and greenish eyes,
and bakers' pies, and: babies? cries, a man
that lies, and cloudy skies, and love that
dies, deliver os.
From bearded females, strong
women, (this won’t jingle,) female lectu
rers, and all masculine ladies, deliver*tts.
From modest giris, with wav|ng <«ilB,
and teeth of pearls, oh 1 never tfmd'deliv
<f Who made you?” inquired alady
teacher of a lubberly boy whotadjust
joined the class.'
“ Don’t know,” said he.
“Don’t know! You might, to be
ashamed of yourself aboy fdur|oeny<sira
of age. There’s little Flinton—he Is mfly
three—he can tell, I dare say—cdme hero,
who made you?”
“Dod,” lisped the infant prodigy;
“There!” said the
“ 1 k“ew -he oughter,” said die Stupid
“ Why sot” /
“’Cause ’taint but a little time ago
since he was made I”
A Good One. —Eat was helping Mr.
Blank to get a safe into his tm ily
and not being acquainted with the article,
inquired what it was for.
“To prevent papers and other aztldes
which are placed in it from beiiar bilirnt ih
case of fire” said Mr. B.
“An’ sure, will nothing ever bum that
you put in that thine?”
“ Well, thlb, yer honor, ye*dbe£ter be
after getting into that Bantethihg ye
Mr. Blank “ wilted.”
_ tV What a world this would be if all
its inhabitants could say withShaksp&ire’s
shepherd: “Sir, I am a true labour; I
earn what I wear; I owe no mahahate;
envy no man’s happiness-glad ofothrt
men’s good, content with myfarin.”
tV Carrying politeness to excess is said
to be raising your hat to a younglacly in
the street, and allowing a couple o¥ ! dirty
collars, and a pair of socks to fall out upon
tvA parson once pre&oed his sermon
wWi, “My friends, let nsirtyafeww&ds
before we begin.” This is equal to the
chap Who took a short pap
*V“ Well, John,” saida doctor toa lad
whose mother he
her; illness, -ihr■
“She’s dofld, I thank ’