o 3Bs^<|Ug|3Etir i BOOK WSmmS »bwtlfa«i paper. '• OwuSt ahere. dealrine to >■«». -tlinli'fc ”** I*»<*•« ■ > --- wl f«-.«rgaWf» toll •et «im, Harper’a ' ■ Scientific American ' i **66’i ; MS£nSS&- I eelieUntial bSJWH».ii> lion, PampUet Um w^jJP^niia. ■y moderate price*. P«r^L'<w>>dU - •to bind, wiUrecelreaUWalSJ!" 1 *! r ;(M *ent to w rk iT packed and returned fc*Stsjs , N. 9. ; ll r DBKN, at the IWfci* oS^T V iSP® all who eßtSM^^iSS* [««thWttg?. h i pc! | I Pi I II ! I S si 1 Bj i-3 < sS 2 .s R•« «*§| pifll I s I SSI 5 K|ly|:ii |i P wIS’S s If fo tS-aa; [j Ws<jKi i Ps;fef! R' ,; ! r jwie-j t £>* i| > 3 S Y AND BAJCE&Y! MJRBIGNED ANNOON. i»B» of Altoona .and Tieiany ik-. h. i large inroicee.of M -JiCnONAfiJBS, NUTS, SWOgg Iren Ac- eipretaly for thegein... 'RUNES, RAISINS, AC. II eee.one of the year. Sugar, Molasses, Bitter, > WHITS WHEAT FLOUR, I M-OPE, OORKMSAP.AC, for aale in large or email onaatitfca. i price my.lock , i a* any in town. JACOB WMK. IT QUESTION WHICH ihe -mind, of eTeriewlifcisa* it the beat article i|r|nH to other mattery the tempt to direct, bat if yon >linear ' "• ; ‘ ' OR SHOES amtnatimi of hla atock and wmh. I on hand an ataorjtmentdCßaolMkM whichhe offer. at tUr prices, al attention to cnatorn work, alio tied to gireaatlafiution. Nonetiattl faoo Virginia «tr—t, imirfiM jg-gfeßre. ' ; - JOUK H. ROBOTS. ETTINGER’S . ]S T ews Agency, No. 7, MAIN STREET. 30K8, BLANK BOOKS, y.mNFEcnm^ms S & 'TOBACCO, nONSIN GREAT VASIETT TARTLY .ON BAND. POLICE CAZ^FE niI prin»Ap4 U” «u the Otew Editorial* on aj*n»ne,t«ie*«»l tb >*l Batten, not fdtw'lnnaian; (2 per ennwpt JJLfcC jto.mwilli l . •• iben. (who and State «Sto tfariwdljfcklj.) To O. W. *ra*««.T.* OP- Jp’r. of New T(AMkI O*WJ"i EGTIONJEBY -STER SALOON, CRIBER- WOULD IN aieof Altoona and TidlwtT.ft** b i| ;or and fttciT groaEjn**"?; r bwt articles to be hadiaad 1» P* 1 an SR SALOON_ bi in wbickfeewDlaerre npfltffl* ll * .the ee»«on. iREAD d indtaloea lall. OFTfr***"- n-u .■. ■'■ .. . 3SLEE nepect&Or .•jrS# Ldliten* SSta; „ sj*i, t p-tt. ~*ndi ■r«na^ 9* Dh'W^j OLD 'O/3M, ■T .^ 1.-r —A' 1 ■ .‘ \ !i ■ t EDITOKS AND PRO; jIcCBUM & DERN, r OL- 7 THE ALTOONA TRIBUNE. ll- ' l^BU J l i ;iuMw' *CTVMPMK<>k<'' „ h r, invariably lu advance,)..,... $1,50. m am - Krootloued at «»• expiration of the time ill ' laid W' TfckUH OP j l insertion - do. do. t 26 » $ oO , nrliu** or le**;. : 50 76 100 )i«^u* re » !•.? h i ? e ' , | *"*. 100 16« 2^ io • ’> :. 160 200 2SO r l;^ [lW „ wMk.» , .d‘o” «l.au three month.. 2o cent. .iiiaM* 1 lur e “ cl1 U '”'r ,i ™ mnn the. 6 month.. I year. 1 160 *3OO *6OO 2 60 4 00 7 00 4 00 6 00 40 00 . 600 800 12 00 . 600 10 00 14 00 L.r * woo 14 00 20 00 JJ.U » column 14 00 25 00 40 00 One column ivvßrVit.ir. Notice. * by the ye»r, th«. proWowl'Jr o BuelnM' Card., not_ “ 5 00 latest will ho c h» r »' with the number of iu.er- I Se continued till forbid and-charged ac cording 'o 'be .bore Uu(j fQJ . t , ery m.ertlon. [ Butlnee. ten lines, fifty cent, a .quare I obituary notice, exceeumn J —» liu** [die squat* SK.'SSc'' rThe Only Place Where a Cure Can I xn y be Obtained. , Itmi JOHNSON has oiscovered the involuntary Snguor, Low Spirits. Confn.ion »rTou»n»* a > Heart Timidity* Trembling*. \ tb ° ££ D,moe« " r Bigui OII * of the hirer, Lnnge,Btom- Tbmt ’ n N Terribb' disorder. arUlng from the “* or Bo» e , Youth—those sioeet end solitary prac- Sohtsry it Tictinlß than the nong of Syren. to [ fatal t blichlinp their moat brilliant I fc - ini -T- ’ ■ young men •it «,),/, hftvf* become tli« victims of Solitary V tee. which annually sweeps that of y Men of the most to an untune yg brilliant intellect, who might other* " tale«t*«j with the thunders riAu'nee" “ «ked to ectasy the living lyre, .nay call with full confidence. marriage 1 or Young Moil cotempUting marriago, , oM&l£&»-. organic debility, defor "‘nV’who uuder the care of Dr. J, may re- JL Jy«. fide i« hi-honor a. a gentleman, and coufl. SSSSS^wstkl SgSSSSH^S* taaTtte aabiect will pretend to deay that tho power of poSfeation i. lost sooner by those falling into improper habits than by the prudent! Besides being deprived tho nleasurea of healthy offspring, the most serious and C” symptom, to both body and mind amt. The system becomes Deranged, the Physical and Mental Func tions Weakened. Loss of Procreative Power, Nervous Irri tability, Dyspepsia Palpitation of the Heart. Indigestion, SmsHtutional Debility, a Wasting of the Frame, Cough, Consumption, Decay and Death. r OFFICE, NO. 1 SOUTH FREDERICK STREET, Left hand aide going from Baltimore street, a few doors from the corner. Fail not tojobserve name and number. Utters must bo paid and coptam a stamp. The Doc lor's-Diplomas hang in his office A CURE WARRANTED IN TWO DAYS. jVb Mercury or Nuseons Drug*. DR. JOHNSON. t - _ , Member of the Royal College of Surgeon*. London, Grad uate from one of the most eminent College* In the United States, and the greater part of whose life has been spent In the hospitals of London. Pari*, Philadelphia and else where. has effected some of the moat astonishing cures that wore ever .known; many troubled with ringing in the I head and oar* when asleep, great nervousness, being alarmed at sadden sounds, bashfalness. with frequent blushing, attended sometimes with derangement of mind, were cured immediately. TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE- Dr. J. addresses all those who have Injured themselves by improper indulgence and solitary habits, which ruin both body audmind, unfitting them for either business. Htudy, society or marriage. x . A Tqksz are some of the sad and melancholy effects pro duced by early habits of youth, via: Weakness of the Back and Limbs, Pains in the Head, Dimness of Sight, Los* of Muscular Power, Palpitation of tho Heart, Dys n*psy, Ketvous Irritability, Derangement of the' Diges tive Functions, General Debility, Symptoms of Conaump MaktaUT.—-The fearful effects of the mind are much to j be dreaded—Loss of Memory, Confusion of Ideas, De prewton of spirits, Rvil-Forebodings, Aversion to Society, Self-Distrust, Love of Solitude, Timidity, Ac., are some of the eviU produced. , . . . . . ThootaßM of persons of all ages can now j udge what is the cause <if their declining health, losing their vigor, be coming weak, pale, nervous and emaciated, having a sin gular appearance abcut the eyes, cough and symptoms of consumption YOUNG MEN , . Who have Injured themselves by a certain practice in dulged in when alone, a habit frequently learned from evil companions, or at school, the effect* of which are nightly felt, even when asleep, and if not cured render* marriage imposlble, and destroys both mind and body, should apply Immediately. , What a pity that a young roan, the hope of his country , the darling of his parents, should be snatched from all prospects and enjoyments of life, by the consequence o deviating from the path of nature, and indulging In a certain secret habit. Such persons MUST, before contem plating MARRiAdEi reflect that a sound mind and body arc the most requisites to promote connubial happiness. Indeed, with-* out these,, the journey through life become* a weary pH grimace; the prospect hourly darken* to,lho«vlew; the mind becomes shadowed with despair and filled with the melancholy reflection that tho happiness ot another be come* blighted with our own. ' DISEASE OF IMPRUDENCE. When the misguided and Imprudent votary P*. e ®*'?T e hod* that he has imbibed the seeds of this painful dis ease, It too often happens tliat an ill-timed sense of shame; or dread of discovery, detershlm from applying te tno*e who, from education and respectability, can alone be friend him, delaying tUI the constitutional symptom of this horrid disease make their appearance, sach as ulcera ted sore throat, diseased nose, nocturnal pain sin thejiead . and limb*, dimness of sight, deafness, node* on the thin bone* and arms, blotches on the head, face and extomt twa, progressing with' frightful rapidity, till at t last the palate of the mouth or the hones of the nose fall in, ana the Tictim of th i* awful' a horrid object of commiseration, till death puts a period to his dreadful sufferings,by sending him to “that Undiscovered Country from whence no traveller returns.” - ’ It is a metancAoJtf fact that thousands fall victltos.to tbU terrible disease, owing to the unsklUfulness ofigno rsnt pretenders, who, by the nse of that Deadly Jfrrcury. ruin the constitution and make the residue of 1 ife miserable. STRANGERS , . Trust not year lives, or health to the care ofthejnnnv Unlearned and Worthless Pretenders, destitute of knowi ‘-’P'vnanu* or character, who copy Dr. Johnston’s adver tisements, or style themselves, lit the newspapers,- regu larly Educated Physicians, incapable of Curing, they keep you trilling month after month, taking their filthy and poisonous compounds, or ns long as the smallest ice can he obtained, and in despair, leave y«o with mined health to sigh over your galling disappointment. Or. Johnston is the only Physician advertising. Hij credential or diplomas always hang in his office. HU remedies or treatment are unknown to all others, prepared from a life spent in the great hospitals of Knrope. the first in the country and a more extensive Private Prac~ rtw than any other Physician in the world. INDORSEMENT OP THE PRESS. The many thousand* cured at tills Institution. yedr after year, and the numerous important Surgical operations Performed by Johnston, witnessed by the reporters of the “Sun, 1 ’ ‘•Clipper,” and many other papers, notices of which have appeared again and again before the public, besides his standing as a gentlemen of character 'and re sponsibility, is a snjßcient guarantee to the afflicted. v SKIN DISEASES SPEEDILY CURED, No letters received unless poet-paid and containing a stamp to be used on the reply Persons writing should state age andeeod portion of advertisement describing symptoms. Parsons writ lug should be particular in directing their letters to thW Institution, In the following manner: JOHN M. JOHNSTON, M. 0., Of the Baltimore Loot Hospital, Maryland. m- WLvd GA#- ANP ®kou« H. C. IIKRfJ “LIST OF THE KILLED." Mothers who alt In dumb terror «nd dread, Holding th»t terrible Hat. ■' Fearing to look leaet you aee niKl the dead The name of the boy you have kiaaed— . Kieaed e’en aa thoae in aagniahnd pain., Kias preciona lacee of clay. E’en aa yon wonld had you ahuddering lain. That dear one in grace- robea away. , I pity you, sitting with (acea aa white. , Striving to parry the blow; I know how that name will t >nnre your eight. Can fathom the depth of yoiir; woe. By the pang that rent my deftohu* heart. By this crushing weight of detpair, I know how you too will shudder and start. Reading that dear-lored name* there. ■„ I know you’ll hush that passlouate cry, Thinking of him as he lies, ; With beautiful face upturned :to the «ky. Death Telling the glorious eyes. “ Fighting he fell I” Does a feeling of pridt* Lighten your grief as you think. How brave was the boy that went from your side— How be wonld not falter or shrink ? The mothers’s love triumphs. Men call women weak, Ah, well, perhaps it is so! ; i I know there are tears e’en now on my cheek For the boy thatV lying so low. I know that I atari at each ate? on the stair. With a wistful glance turn toward the door. Thinking, perchance, that my darling is there— Peace, heart, h* can come ueTormore. But still there’s a thought that rovers my woe— Above there’s a glorified list: And one day I’ll hear with rapturous glow .The name of the boy I have kissed. JflMt HMsceUang. THE WISSAHIKOH CLIFF. Therk are days in Winter when the air is very soft and balmy, like the early days of Summer;,when, in fact, that glad mai den May seems to blow her warm breath in the grim face of February, until the rough old warrior laughs again. It was on a day like this .that the morn ing sunshine was streaming over a high rock, that frowns there, far above the Wissahikon. A high rock, attainable only by a long, winding path fenced in by the trunks of giant pines, whose boughs, in the coldest days of winter, form a canopy overhead. This rock is covered with a Carpet of evergreen moss. And' near this nook - this chamber in the forest, for it was noth ino' less—sat an old man, separated from it by trunks of the pipes, whose boughs concealed his form: ; ' That old man had come here alone, to think over his two sons, now freezing at Valley Forge—for though the father was a Tory, yet his children were Continent als. He was a well-meaning man, but some half crazy idea about the divine right of the British Pope, George the Third, to rule this continent, and murder and burn as he pleased, lurked in his brain, and kept him back from the. camp of Washington. And now, in this bright morning in February, he hadepme here alone to think ■ the matter over. And while he was pondering this deep matter over, whether George the Pope or Gebrge the Rebel was in the right, he heard the tramp of a war-steed not far off, and looking between the trunks of the pines, he saw a man of noble presence dis mount from his grey horse and then ad vance into the quiet nooks of moss-covered rocks, encircled by: giant pipes. And now, leaving the tory to look upon this man for himself, let us look also on him with our own eyes. As he comes through those thick boughs, you behold a man more than six feet high, with kingly form enveloped in a coarse, grey overcoat, a chapeau on his bold fore head—and beneath the skirts of that grey coat you may see the military boots and the end of the scabbard. An<l who is this man of kingly present*, who comes here alone, to pace this moss covered rock with drooped head and folded arms? Come my friends, and look upon him— let me show you—not this figure of mist and frost-work, which some historians have called Washington—but Washington, the living, throbbing flesh apd blood Washing ton. ° Yes, Washington , the man. Look upon him as he paces that moss-covered rock—see that*eye burp; that muscular chest heave under the folded arms. * Ah, ha is flunking of Valley Forge!— Of the bloody foot-prints in the snow—of those three hidden figures that sat down in the huts of Valley Forge together disease, and starvation, and nakedness. Look as those dark thoughts crowd on his soul, he falls on his knees, he prays the God of heaven to take his life as an offer ing for his native land. * And as that pray er startles the still woods, that grey coat Mis open and discloses the blue gold uni form—the epaulette and the sword hilb Then the agony ,of that man, praying there in the silent woods —praying for his country, now bleeding in her chains— speaks out, in the flashing of the eye, in the beaded sweat, dripping from his brow. Ah, kings df the world, planning so BY OEOKGE IJHTAIU). ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, MAY 29, 1862 cooly your schemes of murder, come here and look for George Washington, as he offers his life a sacrifice for his country. Ah; George of England, British Tope, and good-natured idiot that you are, now counting in yonr royal halls how many more men it will take to murder a few thousand peaceful farmers, and make a nation drink your tea, come here to this rock of the Wissahikon, and see, king and pope as you are, George W ashington in council with his God. My friend?, I can never think of that man in the wilds of Wissahikon —praying there alone, —praying for his country, with the deep agony in his brow—with out also thinking of that dark night in Gethsemane, when the blood drops started from the brow of Jesus, the blessed Re deemer, as he plead for the salvation of the world. Now look! As Washington kneels there on that moss-covered rock, from those green boughs steps forth another form-tail as his own— —c}ad in a coarse grey coat, with the boots and seen below its skirts, and a chapeau on his brow. , x That stranger emerges from the boughs, stands there unperceived, gazing in silence upon the kneeling warrior. A moment passes! Look! Washington has risen to his feet: he confronts the stranger. Now, as that stranger, with a slight bow, uncovered his forehead, tell me did you ever see a stronger or >a stranger re semblance between two men than between these two, who now confront each in silence under the shade of those^Kirk pines? And as these two men, so strangely alike, meet there by accident under that canopy of boughs—one wandering from Valley Forge, one from Philadelphia —let me tell you'at once, that the stranger is none other than the master-butcher of the idiot king — Sir William Howe. Yes, there they met —the one the im personification of Freedom, the other the tinselled lacquey of a Tyrant’s will. We listened to their conversation : it is brief, but important. For a moment the British general stood spell-bound before the man whom he had crossed the ocean to entrap and bring home, the 4-ebel who had lifted his hand against the right divine of the British pope ! fo that British general there was something aw ful about the soldier who could talk with his God as Washington had talked a moment ago. . ‘‘J cannot be mistaken I” at last said Sir William Howe ; “I behold before me the chieftain of the rebel army, Mr. Wash ington.” r- Washington coldly bowed his head. “Then this is a happy hour, for we to gether can give peace and freedom to this land.” 'At this word, Washington started with surprise, advanced a step, and then ex claimed: “And who, sir, are you, that thus bold ly promises peace and freedom to my coun try?” “The commander of His Majesty’s for ces in America!” said Howe, advancing along the wood-hidden rock toward Wash ington. “And oh, sir, let me tell you that the king, my master, has heard of your I virtues, which alone dignify the revolt with the name of a war, and it is to you hclooka for the termination of this most disastrous contest.” Thai Washington, whose pulse had never quickened before all the panoply of British arms, felt his heart flutter in his bosom as that great boon was before his eyes—.peace and freedom to his native land! • “Yes,” continued Howe, advancing an other step, “my king looks to you for the i termination of this unnatural war. Let rebellion once be crushed; let the royal name be finally established by your influ ences, and then behold the gratitude of King George to Washington L” As he spoke he placed in the hands of Washington a massive parchment—sealed with the broad seal of England, apd signed with the name of King George. Washington took the parchment—open ed it —read—his face did not change a muscle. And yet the parchment named Mr. George Washington “George Duke Washington of Mount Vernon, our well-beloved servant, Viceroy of Amer ica !” A live Yankee, from the Green Moun tains of Vermont, visited the city of Lon don. While passing through one of the principal thoroughfares of trade and travel, his attention was suddenly arrested by some beautiful specimens of writing-paper, exposed for sale at a shop window. See ing the proprietor of the establishment standing at the door, the Yankee civilly inquired of him what he did with “ them nice bits of paper.” / “ We keep them to tie up gape seed in,” said the cockney, snappishly. “O. ye du—du ye!” said Jonathan, while he looked as though he was invent ing a trick with which he intended to pay off the impertinent cockney in his own coin. ■ Passing down the street a few steps, our indignant Yankee saw another mer chant, who was not only an Englishman, but a gentleman also. “I say. mister, can yon tell me what that feller does for a livin’ what keeps them ere nice bits of paper at the window.” “ Yes, sir; he is a small dealer in paper, and a sort of scribe. He writes letters for those persons who desire his assistance.” “ I reckon he is a very mall dealer, and that he is & pharisee as well as a scribe.— De ye think he’d write a letter for me if I pay him for it 1 ?” “ Certainly he will and jump at the chanee. That is his principal occupation.” The Yankee thrust his hands (I might add arms) into his pockets almost up to his elbows, for he felt-the sting in the waspish words uttered by the paper dealer, and walked back to the shop where he had been so rudely treated. ' “.I say, mister, they say as how you sell paper and write letters for folks what can’t write. What will ye lax to write a letter to my sister Sally V' Here was a boon for the Virginia plan- ■ “ I shall charge you five shillings, re ter —here was a title and here a power for i plied the Englishman, softening his tone as the young man, who was one day strug- ; his government does • since it has heard of gling for his life away there amid floating 1 our great victories. ice on the dark Allegheny river. “ Will ye write jest what I tell ye, and For a moment the face of Washington i spell the words right, as we do in Var waa buried in the parchment, and then, in ; mount”?” inquired the Yankee, a low, deep voice he spoke: “To be sure I will. I understand my ‘T have been thinking” he said, “of the business perfectly.” ten thousand brave men who have been “Wellll don’t care if ye du; I guess massacred in this quarrel. I have been you may write to Sally.” thinking of the dead of Bunker Hill, Lex- The Londoner procured pen, ink and ington, Quebec, Trenton, yes the dead of paper, and the Yankee commenced dicta- Saratoga, Bjandywsne, Germantown—” ting_after the following style: !. “And,” cried Howe, starting forward, “ ‘ Dear sister Sally,’ “you will put an end to this unhappy , “ Hcv you got that down ?” quarrel!*’ ' “Yes.” “And your king,” continued Washing- “ ■ ’Rived in London last week.’ INDEPENDENT IN EVERYTHING.] ton, with a look and tone that would have cut into a heart of marble, “would have me barter the bones of the dead for a rib bon and a title!” And then, while Howe shrunk cower ing back, that Virginia planter, Washing ton, crushing that parchment into the sod with his warrior boot—yes,' trampled that royal name into one mass of rags and dust : “That is my answer to your King.” And then he- stood with. scorn on his brow and in his eye, his outstretched arm pointing at that minion of King George. Wasn’t that a picture for the pencil of an angel ? And now the British general, recovering from his first emotion, grew red as His uniform with rage. “Your head,” he gasped, clencning his hand, “your head will yet redden the trai tor’s block!” Then Washington’s hand sought his sword; then his fierce spirit awoke within him, it was his first impulse to strike the braggart into the dust. But in a moment he grew calm. “Yours is a good and great king,” he said in his usual stem tone. “At first he determined to Sweep a whole continent with but five thousand men, but he soon finds that five thousand men must swell to twenty-five thousand before he can even begin his work of murder. ■ Then he sac rifices ’his own subjects by thousands —and butchers peaceful farmers bv tens of thou sands—and yet his march of victory is not even begun. Then, if he conquers the capital city of the continent, victory is sure! Behold! the city is in his grasp, yet still the hosts of freedom defy him, even from the haunts of Valley Forge!— And now, as a last resource your king comes to a man whose head yesterday was sought, with a high reward to grace the gates of London. And yet that rebel crushes into atoms the name of such a king!”. Ah, never spaniel skulked from the kick of his master as that General Howe cring ed away from the presence of Washington —mounted his horse —was gone! One word with regard to the ancient tor)-, who beheld this scene from yonder bushes with alternate wonder, admiration and fear. That tory went home. “I have seen General Washington at prayer,” he said to his wife. “The man ’ who can trample upon the name of a king -as he did—pray to God as he prayed— that man can not be a rebel or a bad man. To-morrow I will join my sons at Valley Forge!” ~ A LIVE YANKEE IN LONDON, BY GEORGE W. BUNGAY “ Hev ye got that down and spelt right?" “ Yes—igo on.” “ ‘ Thought I’d go into the country and take a ride.’ “ Got that down right?” “Yes, yes -go on; and don’t detain me so.” > ‘I pay yc five shillings, don’t I, by arid bv?” “Yes, yes—but you need not detain me so.” “ That’s my business and not yourn. Wal the old mare baulked.’ “ Baulked is a hard word; can you spell baulked so that Sally will know what it means?” . ; “ To be sure I dan.” “ Wal I don’t care ef ye du.” She wouldn’t go, so I licked her.’ “Well go on.” “ • Licked her, licked her,-licked her.’ ” “What is the use of saying it so many limes?” “None of yer business. I pay you five shillings—‘licked her, licked her, licked her, licked her, licked her, licked her,’” “ This page is full of licked tier's.” “ Turn over ■ then; ‘ licked her, licked her, licked her, licked her, licked her. — She wouldn’t go then, so I got out and I kicked her, kicked her, kicked her, kicked her, kicked her, kicked her.’” “You are not intending ’to say,that as many times as you said licked her.” “None of your business. I pay you five shillings: ‘kicked her, kicked her, kicked her, kicked her, kicked her. She wouldn’t go then, so I sharpened the end of the whip handle, and T pricked her, pricked her, pricked her, pricked her, pricked her.’” i “I cannot see any sense in alLthis.” “ Never you mind, I pay you for what you do; ‘licked her, kicked her, pricked her, licked her, kicked her, pricked her, kicked her, kicked her, pricked her, iicked her, kicked her. licked her, kicked her, pricked her. She would not go then, so 1 got* in and I’” (here the Yankee made a chirrupping noise with his lipS which bids defiance to orthography.) “ r cannot spell that,” said the English man. “O, ye can’t spell that, ha? Wal, ye needn’t write any more for me, if ye can’t spell that.” “ Need not write any more,” said the cockney with a look of astonishment. “No more,” said the Yankee, perfectly composed. “ Not a word to close with ?” “ Nary a word;” i “You will pay me for what I have written ?” “Not a red. You didn’t write down all I told you tu.” “Well, sir, what am Ito do with all this paper I have spoiled?” “ Keep it to tie up gape seed in.” The correspondent of the London Times, who has made so many false predictions may now have his paper for a similar pur pose. Funny Breach of Promise; Case. —- The Pittsburgh Dispatch , of the 21st inst., tells the following:—A jolly Isishman, whose name we will not mention, was waited upon yesterday by one of the Sher iff’s officers, had a capias exhibited to him, and a short time subsequent foupd himself in prison, not being able to find bail for his appearance at the District Court, at a certain date to answer a marriageable fe male in a suit for breach of promise. The matter, however, was amicably arranged, by the plaintiff and defendant being made “ one flesh” in the jail office, a Catholic clergyman performing the ceremony in due form. ; 4 ; The defendant told the following story, in substance: Some time ago he was at a pa-arty, and in the midst of the hilarity of the evening a clergyman appeared collect ing money for religious or charitable pur poses. Addressing the defendant on the object of his visit, he received a reply about as follows:— Sure ’un if ye marry me I’ll give ten dollars. Reverend—Certainly; where is the lady ’ Guest —The nearest one tq me. (To whom he hail been paying close intention during the evening.) f Reverend—l’ll announce the banns on Sabbath next. The ten dollars' were givenj the matter dropped for the evening, and the next day was forgotten entirely, at least by one of the parties. Judge of the jolly Irishman’s surprise, yesterday, when the Sheriff’s offi cer waited upon him with a capias to answer for breach of promise, the suitor being the damsel who sat nearest him on i the evening of the pa-arty, and during his I colloquy with the reverend gcntlennan. (3* A young lady who had lately gave an order to a milliner for a bonnet, said: “ You are to make 1 it plain, apd at the same time smart, as I sit in a conspicuous place in church.” -I fa-The ladies may hot go much upon the higways, but they are complained of by their hiribandsas being yery much ad dicted to buy-ways. '• ; | THE KIH6 Alfl) THE 80UHSR. Frederick of Prnsia had a groat maina for enlisting gigantic soldiers into the Royal Guards, and paid an enormous bounty to his recruiting officers for getting them. One day the recruiting sergeant chanced to espy a Hibernian who was at least seven feet high; he accosted him^ in English and proposed that ho should enlist- The idea of military life and a large so delighted Patrick that he immediately consented. 1 ‘•But,” said the sergeant, “ nnle» you can speak German, the king will not give you so much.” “ Och, be jabers,” said the Irishman, “ shure it’s I that don’t know a word of German.” “ But,” said the sergeant, “ three words will be sufficient, and these you can learn in a short time. The king, knows every man in the Guards. As soon as he. sees you he will ride up and a* you how old | you are; you will say, twenty-seven; next how long have you been in the service, you must reply three weeks, finallyi if you are provided with clothes and rations, you answer both/* Pat soon learned to pronounce his an swers, but never dreamed of learning ques tions. In three weeks he appeared before the king in review. His majesty rode up to him. Paddy stepped forward with pre sent arms. “ How old are you V’ said the king. “Three weeks,” said the Irishman. “How long have you been in the ser vice,” asked his majesty, “ Twenty-seven years.” “Am I or you a fooll” roared the king. , _ . “ Both,” who was instantly taken to the guard house, but pardoned by the king when he understood the facts of the case. PEOVERBS OF AIL EATIQEB - is no better looking-glass than a faithful friend. , . The worst of the law is that one suit breeds a score. ' The abuse of riches is worse than -the want of them. The blood of the soldier makes the glory of the general. To whom you betray your secret you give your liberty. The head and feet keep warm, the rest take no harm. Trade and commerce are universally cheating by general consent. Try your friend with a falsehood ; if he keep it, toll him the truth. What good can it do an ass to be called a lion. _ . \ Wolves sometimes loose their teeth, but not their nature. Wise men learn by others’ harm —fools by their own. Whoever is servant to the fox must bear up his tail. Where the hedge is lowest men gen erally leap over. ' . Where every one takes care of himselt care is taken by all. , When good cheer is lacking, our mends will be packing. Who practice not virtue in youth can not fly sin in old age. Worlds are nothing but wind, but see ing is believing. . When a proud man bears another praised he thinks himself injured. Oriental Wit.— A young man, ©Wg » journey, entrusted a hundred demon to an old m*"- When he came back the old man denied having had any money depos ited with him, and he was hauled up be fore the Khazee. “ Where were you yopng man when you delivered this money ?” “ Under a tree.” “ Take my seal an summons that tree,” said the Judge. “ Go, young paan, and tell the tree to come hither, and the tree will obey yOu when you show it my seal.” The young man went in wonder. Af ter he had gone some time the Khazee sajd to the old man— “He is long. Do you think he haagot there yeti” . ' “No,” said the old man, “it is at some distance. He has not got there yet. “How knowest thou, old man,” cried the Khazee, “where that tree is?” The young man returned and said the tree would not come. ■ “He has been here, yonng man, and given his evidence. The money & thine.” Dixie-dom IK Tfcefwnd* cor respondent of the London Star wp • Vr. and Mrs. Slidell are personally well receiv ed irt private circles, and not received at all in the official world. Their manners are considered pleasing,, and their dhnters are aU that they should be. Bntstjll they are regarded as the representative of a fdave aristocrat*— a thing that foe , highest breeding and the best cook in thevrprw would not get over in the they win round to thmr cause.;-j™o *n mates of the United on the other hand, p»cee#igjy ferfamate ' in representing a popular cause, and hav ing thn name tha I restating it worthily. \ t ♦ WA •PRIETORS. NO. 17.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers