Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate? My grandmother died in April and since then my mom and her siblings have been busy cleaning, sorting, dividing, and delivery household items. It’s been an experience! Given the circum stances, I think everyone is doing fairly well. Thank goodness we’re all still friends. But dividing up a person’s assets can be very stressful. Divid ing financial inheritance is one thing, but distributing the other ry ; * items the yellow pie plate, the handmade quilt, the antique lamp the belongings that have immeasureable emotional worth is the part that requires planning and compassion. Unfortunately, some families don’t fair as well as ours has. Families who are settling an estate can follow a six-step pro cess to reduce the associated fric tion that may occur. Begin by rea lizig that “fair” distribution is nearly impossible for non-titled assets like dishes, furniture, fami- ly photos, etc. First make sure everyone that should be involved is where do spouses, siblings, life-long companions fit in? As a group, talk about any sensitive issues regarding previous distribu tions or assumptions about the pending task. Secondly, decide what the fam ily hqpes to accomplish. Is the top goal to preserve memories, to maintain family ties, to keep dis cussion about the property private, to contribute to society, or to be “fair?” Depending on the goalsT each family will select a slightly different plan. The third step is to agree on what would be “fair.” Is it receiv ing the same number of items? The same dollar value of items? Having each person get at least one “most important” selection? Having an equal chance to “purch ase” items? Getting back things you gave? Receiving items according to emotional need? Studies record that more conflict occurred when CLOSED SUNDAYS. NEW YEAR, rajSLgl EASTER MONDAY, ASCENSION DAY, WHIT MONDAY, OCT. 11, THANKSGIVING, fulfill CHRISTMAS A DECEMBER 26TH FISHER’S FURNITURE, INC. NEW AND USED FURNITURE USED COAL I WOOD HEATERS COUNTRY FURNITURE A ANTIQUES BUS. HRS. BOX 57 MON,-THORS. 8-5 1129 GEORGETOWN RD. FRI, 1-8, SAT. 8-12 BART, PA 17503 • Agricultural • Commercial • Residential mt om EXPERIENCE WORK FO] the distribution system was based on birth order, gender, marital sta tus, or close geographic location. People were more comfortable with plans that took pesonal inter ests into account Once a family has determined what is “fair,” advisers encourage the members to take time to share stories. “What memories does this piece hold for you?” “Why do you have an attachment to it?” “Which pieces would you long for most?” Believe it or not, in our family, three people tanked a “stone pig” (a stoneware container that, when filled with hot water, was used to warm up chilly beds) as their most-longed-for-item. Why? Because as youngsters, we had spent wonderful Thanksgiving vacations snuggled up in toasty beds at Grandma’s house thanks to the “pig.” After the storytelling, people being to realize that several mem bers may have attachments (of dif ferent intensities) to the same pieces. Now it’s time to begin the dividing. There is no one perfect method! Discuss the pros and cons of different systems. Remember to select a process that respects indi vidual sensitivities and that accomplishes families goals. Finally, agree from the outset to manage and discuss conflicts as they occur. Don’t allow grudges to Heifer Facility Featuring 12' Wide x 8' Deep Manure Storage System with Waffle Slats • Retaining Walls • Bunker Silos • Manure Storage, Etc. * ; 430 Concrete Ave., Leola, PA Lancaater Fanning, Saturday, November 23, 1096-B7 got mi * f t tTOMSTABHI INC. 717-656-2016 fester. Disbursing a lifetime of belongings and memories is a dif ficult, emotional one, but when handled with careful planning, it can achieve a reasonable, lasting result Because in some families the property distribution experience has been painful, some senior citi zens avoid addressing the issue. Actually, some of the best things to ease the process can be done while people are still living! When possible, encourage an owner to write down his/her preferences. Don’t tape pieces of paper to items (tape dries up and falls off). Tag ging items may not work well they can be switched or lost. Simply write your choices for recipients of your belongings in letter form. Ask people (maybe this week over Thanksgiving din ner), “What would you like to receive from our house?” Also share with them the items you had pictured giving them. You may be surprised that what a person wants most is not what you had intended to give. If you are willing, distribution of the “yellow pie plate” or the “stone pig” is much more easily done (and less contested) when you are alive and you are making the handouts. Granted, it does take time and energy. Finally, if at some point, an old er relative or friend gives you a treasured item from their life/ home, instead of saying “Oh no, you keep it for awhile more,” say “Thank you, I will treasure it and think of you often.” SINCE iwr * , * ; And, • * v iJgo«W . wVdpr Specifications V < > I ‘,H,» k? 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Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers