Page 2 The Lion's Eye Pye on Campus September 26, 2005 Vampire, Pirates, Lion’s Eye Featured Columnist: - Saint Mort O When I was a small child, my teacher said that I had an over-active imagination. With that being said... Just a month ago, school was just about to start. The apples were grow- ing in the trees, teachers were leaving their drunken summer parties, and students were putting down the text- books that they had been "studying" all summer long. As always, the Weather was bi-polar. One day my thermometer read "Hot Blooded," while the very next day it said "Cold as Ice." It was then I realized that I had a thermometer that was actually a Foreigner fan. Many students see Penn State Delaware County (or Penn State Delco as they say on my corner of with trees, picnic benches, people of various colors, and free-range ten- point deer. Few see it for what it real- ly is, because few were there that dreadful night, the night that I learned the truth about the campus. I was in the basement of the library looking for a book that could tell me who would win in a fight, Jack Burton or Ash, when I heard a strange noise from the floor. I put my ear to floor to get a better listen when I heard a voice clearly say "Hey Saint Mort, I'm the evil creature that dwells underneath the school, did you know that this campus is full of evil creatures and only you have the superpowers necessary to fight them off. Do you accept this challenge?" I looked around to make sure no one was there, then said pridefully, "YES! I ACCEPT YOUR CHAL- Zombies - ers in the basement joined together to create a nerdy version of Megatron, which punched its way through the floor of the library. I ran over to the remaining hole and jumped in. The hole was dark and the tem- perature frigid, as out of the surrounding pitch black dark- ness came not just a vampire, but also two zombie slaves and a pirate. The Vampire said "ATTACK HIM," the Pirate said "YARR," and the Zombies said "BRAINS!" Oh, I don't need to tell you that I've yet to wear the very same pants that I wore that night. Then, I remembered that I was Saint Mort, the greatest Zombie, Vampire and Pirate slayer since Buffy the Vampire Slayer Married the Goonies. The battle raged on for many minutes until finally, all the creatures were destroyed. I left the library with not only a feeling of self-satisfaction, but now also a fear of my surround- town) as a beautiful landscape filled - LEGE!" It was then that the comput- ings. STUDENT J Ui Ah. A sophomore psychology major, Marc Jones graduated from Chester High School in 2004. He is presi- dent of the Martial Arts club, one of Penn State Delaware County's most popular clubs. Look for a demon- stration by the Martial Arts club on October 22nd, including board breaking and fight scenes. He enjoys reading and playing video {games when he's not studying. What ever happened to the "Karate Kid?" He's a restaurant chain owner now. Who would win in a fight: Bruce Lee or Muhammad Ali? It'd be a tie; Bruce Lee has the fighting disci- pline, but come on, Ali is Ali! Describe the ideal book that you would want to read. Well, it would have to have action and raw sex, some crime and drama, and angst- ridden characters. In short, this is a book | would read to my kids. What is the best club on cam- pus? Well | would say y'all [The Lion's Eye], but no. The Martial Arts Club is the best! Marc Jones Dr. David Macauley Oh My Could I be sure all the creatures had been destroyed? It was at this time that I saw a deer feasting upon an apple that had fallen on the ground. I thought to myself, "at last the world is in a peaceful place." How naive I was as the deer stood on its hind legs and yelled, "YOU'LL NEVER FIND THE SORCEROR'S STONE," then ran off into its evil lair in werewolf-infested woods. I warn you Penn state Delco-ians that this is real! These creatures are loose and it's up to you to protect yourself. Beware! Don't trust the deer! Kill them with Extreme prejudice! Don't trust anyone or anything that doesn't look like you! In fact, destroy all that you don't understand that's the only way to ensure that the world 1s safe again! If you were there that dreadful night, contact Saint Mort at mjk5039@psu.edu. TEACHER ~difmm————— Now in his third year at Penn State Delaware County, Dr. Macauley is a professor of philosophy. While the majority of his classes are in the field of philosophy, he has also taught courses in environmental studies and American studies. A graduate of William & Mary College, he holds a Master's and a Ph. D in philosophy. He enjoys distance running, biking and ultimate Frisbee.. What is your favorite class to teach? | enjoy teaching Asian philos- ophy. It's a subject that brings new concepts to students, in addition to blending philosophy and religion. Who would win in a debate: Socrates or Confucius? | think Socrates would persist until Confucius walked away. Confucius was more about understanding social cohesion. Do debates arise among students in your classes often? Yes, and it's a good thing. The debates are usually pretty tame, but sometimes they get heated. Describe the ideal book that you would want to read. | guess you could call it an "intellectual thriller" or creative non-fiction. A book where lots of ideas are thrown around, perhaps. eee e— Ln WN CW NN WON OH NW NN NM WN NW
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