Collegian short . stories Space Invaders of Sigma Draconis the second planet of Sigma Draconis, his spacecraft's computer alerted him to the As Scott Alan Wilson Pt esence of two ap entered the atmosphere of proaching interceptors. He By-Jay A. Exner _ o _~ Comedy dungeon By Jay A. Exner "Is this it, d'ya think?" Garbag anxiously asked the wizard, Dravel. Garbag stood before a massive iron door. He nervously shifted his considerable bulk from foot to foot, causing his specially fitted chain mail to clink. "My last spell showed writing on the door to the place we now seek, but we should inspect this room anyway, I think," replied Dravel thoughtfully. He ad justed his pointy wizard hat atop his pointy wizard head as he spoke. • Garbag grunted as he pulled on the plain, rusty door handle. As the vault like door, squealed open, a sickening odor floated out into the dark corridor on a draft that flickered the two adventurers' torches. They both froze. Before them towered a reptilian behemoth. Before they could react, the immense dragon inhaled with an audible hiss, then let loose, "Hyaaa...schoooo! !" The sound echoed through the dungeon for a long moment. Dravel retched in spasms onto the damp dungeon floor while Garbag stared at the awesome beast as if mesmerized. "Mother of God, that was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" gasped Dravel. "You disgusting swine, you could ,at least cover your mouth when you sneeze!" he screamed at the dragon Drava, gaining control of nimself, began wiping par ticles of dragon snot from his now soiled cloak. Gar bag appeared to be having a profound religious ex perience. The dragon was occupying itself in opening up a fresh box of Puff's tissues. To coax Garbag out of the cavernous room, directed the computer to mumbled, trying to undog take evasive action. Scott the lower hatch to get to the had not come 18.5 light- deadly cargo. It was jamm years just to get blasted out ed, probably from the im of the sky like a clay pigeon. pact. Scott thought of his- mis- Scott checked the integri sion. He was to destroy, the ty of his space suit. It ap- Dracs' home planet before peared to be in good condi they could take over tilt , ' tion. He worked the hatch Allied Colonies of Earth. open. He would have to get The Dracs exterminated to the bomb from the out humans; Scott was going to side somehow. exterminate the Dracs —at The hatch hissed as he their source. He had one an- pushed it open, since the at timatter time bomb aboard and was going to land, set the timer, and get away from the planet as fast as possible. The craft was now travel ing low over a large forest, away from any Drac cities. Unexpectedly, Scott's craft careened as if out of con- trol, crashed through dozens of "trees," and then impacted thunderously on the spongy alien .huMus. Dazed, Scott unlatched his g-harness and surveyed the cramped cockpit. His com puter console was dead; every electronic device aboard appeared out of commission "How did they overload NQ sense waiting around, my systems so fast?" he he thought. Scott crawled wondered aloud. Suddenly and climbed through a Scott realized that the mis- mass of tangled and broken sion had taken on new alien flora, until he was at meaning. The ship was the external port hatch. It dead. The Dracs were had been bent inward in the evidently very near. His crash, but he managed to mission to destroy the get his fingerg inside and Dracs had become a pry it open. kamikaze mission! Scott got the bomb from "Got to get the bomb," he its protective container in- within its chest, then detonated in an explosion of sound, smoke and fur! • A short while later, now at the next door, Dravel tug ged on an oxidized door han dle to behold a mongrel dog in the corner of 4 small room. The friendly-looking mutt bounded over to Dravel, wagging its tail. As the smoke dissipated and the fur began to settle, Garbag whined, "But nOOOO, it's no trap, not if Garbag thought of it!" Dravel put his hat back on his head, sneezed twice, and pulled a wad of fur out of his mouth. He said, "Well, let's see if the room we're look: ing for is nearby and stop this useless bickering, okay? ! " Dravel stepped into the corridor. He produced a "Let me pet 'im. Here, thin, square, white piece of poochie !" said Garbag as parchment from the sleeve he crouched before the dog. of his cloak. He then made The mongrel dog rolled onto, strange gestures with his all fours, its hackles rising. hands and spoke a foreign- The dog growled from deep sounding incantation. As he Dravel produced a pre cooked turkey drumstick from inside his sleeve and waved it before the elephan tine adventurer's eyes. Gar bag suddenly came to life and relieved the wizard of the drumstick. The dragon watched through bleary, red, hay-fever eyes as the two weary adventurers shuffled out of its den. "It could be a trap," sug gested Garbag. Dravel ig : nored the suggestion and started petting the furry mongrel's stomach, since it had rolled onto its back. Garbag stepped forward. "Mother of God, that was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen," "Got to get the bomb," he mumbled, "trying to unlock the lower hatch to get to the deadly cargo." mosphere of the Dracs' home planet was much denser than that of his cockpit. Scott climbed up and out of the spacecraft, then slid down the side to land firmly on the dark forest floor. side the compartment, and brought it out into the dif fused, orange, Draconian sunlight. He produced a key from his wrist pocket and inserted it into the top of the small, silver cylinder. He turned the key to the right and pressed the single red button below the key. A display showed the seconds counting down from 60. Scott relaxed, set the bomb down and turned around. He was facing a Drac ! The pathetically small, purple, mantis-like alien fired a' wand-shaped weapon and Scott was paralyzed. He fell over with a thud. The alien stepped ginger ly on - four legs over to the bomb and turned the key to the left. The display froze at 39 seconds. The Drac turned to Scott and fired the weapon again. Scott obligingly died. "C'mon Scott, you've been playing that game long enough. Take off that helmet so I can go home and make supper," said , Scott's slightly perturbed mother. "Oh, all right," said Scott, removing the game interface helmet. "But I'll stop those Sigma - Draco nians yet !", Scott stepped out of the game cubicle, set the helmet on the contoured seat, and .silently followed his mother out 'of the twenty-first century ar cade. finished, Dravel cast the parchment into the air. It quickly flitted down the cor ridor as if, under its own will, passing several doors to either side. Finally, the parchment came to a stand still before a single door, Dravel and Garbag trotting to the spot a few moments later. "This has to be it!" Gar bag shouted with a sense of urgency. Dravel sputtered between gasps for air, "Yes, yes! There are the M-runes and the double 0-runes. This must be the right door. Quickly, open it!" Garbag pushed the door open and ran inside, Dravel close at his heels. The door slowly swung closed, the runes on the door being visible to an empty corridor. The runes spelled out two words of great importance to the ex hausted adventurers. The runes spelled out "MEN'S ROOM.
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