C. Resder Editorial: Why You Should Vote for Carter by Frodo Simton (Frodo Simton is a four-time Capitol Campus drop-out who is presently ma joring in basket-weaving). I would like to give you some very good reasons to re-elect President Carter, because I know there are some of you out there who don't support him right now. Oh sure, inflation is rampant and, yes, unemployment is no better, and I'll admit that every defense measure pre sented in the last four years has been cancelled, cut back or delayed but Jimmy is trying folks! He's trying real hard! What more can you ask than for a President who tries his best? After all, we're all only human. Yeah, the price of gasoline- has skyrocketed over the past years, but it just shows us that we were using too much anyway. Oh sure, there are Russian combat troops in Cuba, but how about that grain embargo, huh? Can you imagine how much it cost the Russians in paperwork, manhours, and long distance phone calls to find their grain somewhere else? That's what you call executive action! Yes, I'll admit that we: gave away a canal to a dictator of a banana republic because the little monkeys got rowdy, but what do we need it for anyway? And here's + best reason to vote for Jimmy Carte' Ronald Reagan. Editorial Reply: Why You Shouldn't Vote for Carter, But Should Vote for Reagan by Sidney Bonzo (Sidney Sonic) is a former circus per former presently working in the psycho logical laboratory and Vendorville). I would like to give you some good reasons why you shouldn't vote for Carter, but should elect Governor Reagan. Oh sure, he's pushing seventy, but some great people have turned seventy years old and have still led productive lives, such as Bob Hope, Laurence Olivier, and George Burns. And yes, Riagan spent a long time as a movie actor, but wouldn't you have liked to see John Wayne in the White House when those Iranian 'students' took our embassy? Oh Duke, we sure miss ya now. I'll admit that Reagan has advocated using U.S. troops on occasions when the incidents were later resolved by peaceful Lakshmi Anand will perform at the Indian Dance and Cultural Program on October 30 at 7 p.m. in the auditorium. Admission is $l.OO for students and $2.00 that if America had a more powerful military, those incidents wouldn't have occurred in the first place. And sure, there've been a few mis statements about Taiwan and China, but remember a treaty we had with Taiwan that Carter cancelled? Of course, China has a bigion people, but we ignored them before, didn't we? The best reason to vote for Ronald Reagan is —Jimmy Carter. Editorial Reply-Reply: Why Yo 9 Shouldn't Vote For Carter or Reagan, But Should Vote for Anderson by Lex Borrk (Lex Borrk is a Social Science major who has recently been released from a state mental hospital after being in a chronic depression for four months. Doctors say Mr. Borrk lapsed into that state after he learned that Leonard Wumke was not a viable candidate in last year's SGA election. Mr. Borrk now spends his time throwing `Day-Glo Frisbees, at Three Mile Island, and hurling darts at the General Electric logo). I'd like to give you some good reasons why you shouldn't vote for Carter or Reagan, but should indeed elect John B. Anderson. There have been many misconcep tions about how Anderson intends to cut Social Security taxes, increase the gas tax and balance , things and save the Social Security system and the tax payers' money. People haven't really heard what he's saying because his media coverage is so much smaller than what the other candidates got before this. The best reason to vote for Anderson is Reagan and Carter. (The C.C.Reader doesn't care nor is it responsible for what the foregoing peo ple have said. Instead, in maintaining professionalism and integrity, we refuse to endorse any of the Presidential candidates). by Lieutenant S.C. Anon (Whoever this Anon character is, psy chologists who have reviewed this text have determined that he is a paranoid schizophrenic with delusions of gran deur). Wednesday, September 24 I am in the second week of captivity here in this minimum security prison camp. Not too many of the oiler prison ers seem as concerned as am. I was out on work release for three months this summer, but last week I was forced to return and finish my sentence. I'll try to do• my time peacefully. I went to a party last night where some girl from Wrisberg Hall mocked my 'Nuke the Whales' t-shirt. I didn't get mad though -- I got even. I slipped into her room and took her vitamins. Twenty minutes later, I replaced them, or at least I replaced the bottle. Now every day she takes a testosterone tablet, although she probably won't figure it out for a while yet. Tuesday, September 30 The Campus Police have it in for me. Today I got a ticket for parking in a handicapped space. To escape the fine I considered handicapping myself, but remembered the wise words of Ashley Bongit, 'Did you know that if you cut off both your arms, you wouldn't be able to pick them up?' llntroday, October 23, 1980 Counseling Center News GRADUATE SCHOOL PREPARATION SEMINAR - OCT. 29 The Graduate School Preparation Seminar, the second in the "Directions Workshop 'BO-'81", is scheduled for Wednesday, October 29, 1980 in the Gallery Lounge from 1:30 to 3 p.m. Any student planning to do graduate or professional study should find this workshop highly informative and help ful. The workshop is designed to famil iarize students with the varied proce ures for entering graduate prograMs. Among the topics to be discussed will be: choosing the right graduate school; effective strategies and timetables for making application; securing financial aid; resources in the Counseling Center and on campus that can save time and money; and discussion of individual participants' concerns. If you are planning to go to graduate school, be sure to attend this seminar for many helpful hints. No pre-registration is necessary and all members of the Capitol community are invited to attend and participate. See you on the 29th in the Gallery Lounge. GRAD TESTING RESOURCES AVAILABLE Right now many seniors are thinking about applying to graduate school and will soon be taking the standardized tests required by many schools as part of their admission pro coss 4 To help you prepare for and become familiar with the types of questions asked on these tests, the Counseling Center has a supply of examination study guides which can be borrowed for a two-week period. We have the Barron's study guide for the GRE Diary of a College Revolutionary Dissuaded by that cerebral utter ance, I paid my fine •and emptied all the oil from a patrol car (making sure to disconnect the idiot light). My car failed inspection because of the bullet hole in the passenger window. I should have remembered to roll it down first. Wednesday, October 8 I went to see 'Humanoids from the Deep' last night. It was pretty crazy all the humanoid creatures romping and raping like mad. It looked like a lot of fun so I played humanoid on the blonde working the snack bar. The doctor says my stitches will be out Friday. I never noticed all those sharp rings she was wearing. I saw that girl who mocked my 'Nuke the Whales' t-shirt this afternoon. She appeared to be getting a five o'clock shadow. Her voice sounded a little deeper too. Saturday, October 18 (At this point, the writer's mental illness seems to have taken a turn for the worse). The squirrels are plotting against me. It's my nuts that they're after. And not only squirrels, but people plot against me too. Like last night at this party. Four guys (who had obviously been drinking heavily) approached me to inquire as to my 'Remember Gary Gilmore' t-shirt. (Graduate Record Exam), the GMAT (Graduate Management Admissions Test), the LSAT (Law School Admission Test), and the NTE (National Teacher Exam). We also have handbooks containing important information on graduate school requirements, financial aid, tui tion, and fees for specific programs such as Psychology, Law, Social Work, Bus iness, Political Science, and Health Ad ministration. If you're interested in Law school you might want to browse through a book entitled "So You Want to Go to Law School'?" Minority students ought to review a book called "Graduate and Professional School Opportunities for Minority Students." TESTING NEWS Prospective graduate students and law school entrants should keep in mind that the registration deadline for the December 13, 1980 administration of the Graduate Record Examination is November 7, 1980. The registration deadline for the Law School Admission Test, administered on December 6, 1980, is November 10, 1980. Students interested in Fall 1981 admissions to either graduate or law programs are advised not to postpone taking these tests, since score reports from subsequent test administrations may not arrive in time to meet many schools' admissions and financial aid consideration deadlines. The December 13, 1980 GRE will be given at Capitol Campus. Registration forms and bulletins of information are available in the Counseling Center, W-117. When I told them that Mr. Gilmore was the prisoner who requested and received the firing squad, they laughed -- and one of them threw up on my boots. Not to be outdone, I returned later that night (when all four were asleep), donned in my `Devo' radiation suit, and threw three captured skunks into the house, making sure to kick each several times around the room before leaving. Monday, October 20 The birds have it in for me too. The swoop down on my car and bombard i with splattering defecations that ob scure my vision and sometimes make through the bullet hole in the window They never seem to stay put long enough for me to get a good shot at them. I'm trying to psych myself with a new 'Happiness is a Confirmed Kill' hunting cap. I saw those guys who mocked my `Remember Gary Gilmore' t-shirt. They don't look too clean, but that's under standable because they have to live in that tent behind the house with the `temporarily uninhabitable' signs all over. I saw that girl from Wrisberg again. Her face was all cut from where she had tough spots shaving. Is Jimmy Carter the only peanut, farmer with no nuts?
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