JANUARY 18, 1982 Presley Waylon: "You Can Be A Millionaire Too "Doctor" Presley Waylon, famous country-western music singer and lover of money making barnyard expressions, - will be coming to Behrend on February 15. He will be backed up by his band of "Howlin' Waylons," and will give a talk on "How to become a country western singer, even if you're the opposite of what that implies." The "Doctor" granted the Col legian an advance interview, so that the students could better understand the media of popular music, and alio to boost ticket sales. Our rust question was "How did you get the name 'Doctor'?" "I made it up," Presley answered. "•I thought you'd be more interested in how I got the name 'Presley'." "You mean you were never a atOl t SOOW Ogi e lite -41*AtitiS ............................................................. Nanle • ZeP • City State phonetibe -07,piztkcksc pa4s P -\ • vtov..e of Immaculate co‘leg e shee t doctor?" we asked "I've never been a singer either. I just wear tight jeans and shirts with pearly snaps plus I got a manager who knows what he's doing. That's what my talk will be about on the 15th: It's about how anyone can be a millionaire country singer, simp ly by following certain rules." "What are those?" we asked. "First'," Presley, said, "you gotta talk with a drawl. It's easy. Just watch the 'Dukes' once or twice, or talk on a CB. I don't care if you're - from Glouchester Square, everyone's a bumpkin on CB radio. They, think it's cool. Plus it's a good skill to know, especially If- your album cover has you at a truckstop or a rodeo: Shucks, you might, actually be at one someday, and meet a real trucker who's crazy about your for is, Pto, y our is, sen St. 'Frand tit_ tilichae the isca_ lothactOate Corc Franceptioh, 948 'Troy-Ica% venue, Pittstmcgh, PP. 12.16. (412) 3411000 BEHREND COLLEGIAN music. Then you better play the part or end up face-down in a pool of diesel fuel." "That's interesting," we said. "Another thihg you gotta do is get used to tight boots with pointed toes. They should have in credibly high arches and heels that sould like the Rockettes with the runs. There's not a country singer in the whole world today who doesn't have deformed feet even Tammy Wynett. All the older stars, and I'm talking about real singers, like Gene Autry and Johnny Cash, all of them can barely stand for more than an hour or two. That's why live per formances are getting shorter. Who wants to see Hank Williams perforM in bed, except maybe his wife. They're _all crippled from those ridiculous boots. What do you think Johnny Cash was talk . ing about anyway when he wrote `I Walk the Line?' "Another thing you gotta do," Presley continued, "is sing the blues. Country life is sad. Crops are washed out, the TV won't work, the Grit didn't come, and the old lady runs away with the seed man while her husband's puking at the Grange. You have to identify with the morons who live the country life, and then Write songs they can cry over. But beautiful songs, so that they buy them because they want - to cry all rthe time It's a: • sad •-business,- 'but I'm getting by. Shucks; do you want to go for a ride in my Porsche?". "Do you really say 'shucks'?" We asked. "Am I really a doctor? Come on, I can't wait to get these boots off." Bored With Tennis? fro Q d t.S4 ar , k Discover I - V Father Flanagan: "There's No Such Thing As A Nymphomaniac" \ The founder of America's Boys' Town, Father Flanagan, recently disclosed plans to build a similar city for troubled females. Predic tably named Girls' Town, the housing complex will be located only six miles south of male lodg ings in North Dakota. "The winters have been pretty bad," said the aging 'priest in a press conference. "No boy should be punished by loneliness. That's why the female facility will be so close. Of course the kind of -girls we're talking about here are stub born, defiant, and corrupt as any boy we've had to handle. Shyness should be no problem." Flanagan faced charges that exposing the boys to women of "the "unwed mother" type would make for relations that could damage' a youth's formative Edinboro State Mortality Rate Fifth Highest In Nation A recent survey of on-the-job accidents, listing the top ten most dangerous jobs, has the average student at Edinboro State in a more dangerous position than a spot welder on a San Francisco highrise. The most dangerous career of . all, according to the-survey, is be ing a soldier in Iran. The second most dangerous occupation, abortion free pregnancy testbng confidential counseling - • 4 HEALTH SERVICES, INC. Downtown PMSOLoci , (412) 562-1900 Putt Putt Golf and Games Stimulants, I'. Diet Pills and Sleep Aids Department of Health Certificate #71893 ADULTS ONLY • 100% Legal OVER 18 Ginger's • Fast Deliv 814-898-3586 Erie, Pa. 'lOO per thousand - '3O per hundred years. He was accused of pro viding a haven for loose women. "I've said it before and I'll say it again," Flanagan replied, "there's no such thing as a nym phomaniac. I intend to prove that point myself, even if I have to get up-every morning and go to bed every night with my eye on those women. Flanagan admitted the plan was an effort to improv6 sagging conditions at Boys' Town. He cited the upsurge in runaways, increase in "junk" mail, and a peculiar interest in Renee Richards as being reasons for suggesting the near-coed com munity. A plan to change the Boys' Town motto to "She's not heavy, she's my mother," has been denied: ironically enough, is being a Rus sian soldier in Afghanistan. This is followed by a policeman in New York City , . a fireman in Philadelphia, then, in fifth place, a student at Edinboro. Courses such as "Settling Parliamentary Disputes with Common Kitchen Utensils," and "Naked Snowshoeing," are to blame for the rise in death rate among Edinboro students. Due to increased publicity, the deans of several colleges have made cur riculum changes. Starting next fall, Edinboro will no longer offer "Engineering Revenge 404," "Chemical Persuasion Equa tions," and "LSD Hanggliding." Sixth place among most dangerous jobs is welding skyscrapers in earthquake-prone San Francisco: This is followed by Pinto test drivers, Navy jet pilots, prison guards, and lastly, paperboys in Atlanta. FREE $5.00 - FREE: Buy $5.00 in game room tokens and receive $5.00 in tokens with this coupon. FREE $l.OO FREE: Buy $l.OO in game room tokens and receive $l.OO in tokens with this coupon. Open Year Round Putt Putt Golf and Games 4268 Buffalo Rd. . 898-1114 and 1225 Peninsula Dr. 833-1704 • .c,. THE , x v 4 ,; , e/( LARGE 5"• LION Smoking and Snuff • Acpessories Albums & Tapes 417 W. 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