DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A PARODY - NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY Chart: the rise of Neil Peters ~00^*' Fire faked to energize Geering CONTINUED FROM FRONT PAGE. The Penn State Behrend adminstration or chestrated the Dobbins fire hoax for one explicit purpose: to make Geering feel better. Geering’s daily duties include several short early morning meetings, consulting various RA programs to oversee their steady progress, and wandering the campus to draw energy from the raw and unfair complaints of damn whiny col lege students After a steady decline in the amount of arbi trary hatred directed at Housing and Food Serv ices, Geering’s job became far too simple and empty. Geering became depressed. His normal peppy demeanor was a constant candle of happiness for the campus faculty. Without it, the campus administration lost much energy and morale. High level officials at Behrend took notice. In an effort to increase morale, the idea of faking a Dobbins fire was floated by. It took hold Since the grand illusion, Geering has been seen skipping on occasion, a direct result of the increase of complaints against Housing and Food Services. CONNOR SATTELY contributed reporting. UNPAG DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A PARODY - NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY Chart: Varying intensities of influenza viruses Source: CDC Meteor Flu
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers