I The Behrend Beacon A farewell letter from the editor *tear* By Mike Sharkey Co-editor-in-chicf Well. another semester has wine and g(me. With the end of this semester. I must hid you all adieu, for I am (hopefully) graduating this semester. With this transitional period in my life. I must sit hack and reflect on the past 4.5 \ ears here at Behrend. It start ed out with a hang. and by hang I mean fast and hard. As time and a half went hv, my aims and goals in Life began to form. and I started to tigure out what in the hell iny role was in this era/v ss orld. Unfortunately. 1 got it totally wrung. and Int still working on it The coming semester. The Behrentl Beacon will no longer have illy quirky and/or potentially o►ien sive photos, hut from what I've he a rd, Mr. J e remy Korwek will he taking over the Humor page in the Spring. and he's planning on bringing in some third r , , I ,\. 1 \I \ , 1 ....______ i\l ::-:•\ • i t -—1 1, s , 1 ` s ` "'-."•:. \ \ ' Krista Jones December 13, 2007 - rk.-...,..: i C.l . / ... ‘ .N\ . l. •\ "..L' 4 tt 4 ti ,* •?a* , . 4 e , . • , , / / - 11 --- -•-:1' 1 ''''-<--- - --1. \\ t r - '' i , 7 i i i • • >, so • k _ ~,,,, \ . -: I , ~_ I , 1 I F - , fr- . ___ ..,, ce .4' VI .' LAO IA , , , i . • E l 4 , ''111.4 t,74r '. •• 4 "?' ^ ; 14 ' IS 4 ~.- ~,, - AO "Smokin' In The Boys' Room" -By- Bryce Sayers 11/29/2007 '... ; 0 111 .. 41% sik: v d ; :Ay ../ '' ..V.., 1„1-110" 1 " . 4 1 4 .. * z• • , The Satirical Works of Simon Spiltz ;44iro:. ,; -4P' . , . , -The result of Relativity." .• - • ,"''''Wt;4 4u ,' ~ ) !W ' - Time seems slow. Time seems fast. Time to go! . 14 • • Nil l i ll1102 1: .l ~ . s ., Blah blah blah ' / 4.... Finals Week. 1 ,iO4llllll l o blah blah... 4* Vii. OF 1111} Oh Papa' Dn't shoot -1' • him' 4 IAN j * -4444 k1ik 11111114111*4L:111"1116 .....•• ..- 44. ill „.. . _ • ~...,.. I ~% Nope, no ARRRRRR! . _..... !Vs 4.4.- * * # * 0 ilt ik 0 • iF ii, * ULL - , ''.--- _ - - . -- i ****ripming**** .., , . ....„1- -- . 4, ~ on f? , at 1 1 0 * Minn* SF* * :, r' ' le . • 'lo**oo * * * * At lir 14 r 1,. v. c '°' ..... / 4:w ° , - ::::.,, ..•'` * • • , ......_ ; - - - CI& .4 Ititilo,m/ A survey for you, my faithful audience By Jerry Pohl Humor Editor for I. The hest Humor Page editor e er was A. Jerre Pohl B. Mike Sharkey C. Mike Butala 2. Jeff) Pohl has been 'lritine for thc Humor Page for A. Three years B. Ulterior moti \ es C. Too long 3. Jerry Pohl left The Beacon to become A. A journalist B. A pornographer C. Funny 4. The Humor Page k A. Funny B. Offensive C. A lame rip off of Thalia 5. Next semester, the Humor Page will be A. Edited by Jeremy Korwek B. Edited by Bryce Sayers C. Canceled t 44- -, 0, --";:-.`°-i, / V party materials... Like, stuff that is good enough to he published on the internet. Booyah. The next Humor editor is going to need all your support. If you have any funny ideas for a comic. Or if you want to contribute humorous articles in the Spring and just get your name out there, please feel free to email your materials to: content (Y thebehrendbeacon.com. Eve enjoyed m time here at The Beacon. Everyone has been awesome to work with. and I thank all the Beacon staff for all their support. I must thank Mr. Jerry Pohl for his encouragement and support. Without his help. I wouldn't have made it as far as I have. and I thank him for it. Also, without him. this page wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. I \\ ish e\ervonc the hest of luck in the future. and I hope that when l"in fail - ions. you'll he able to sell this ne \\ spaper on eliav and make lots of money. 6. If the Humor Page is gone in the spring. I will A. Not notice B. Not care C. Not read the Beacon 7. N.l, fin ()rite part of the Beacon is A. The Humor Page B. The ads C. It's ithsorhencv 8 The Beacon office is: A. A hastioo of journalistic integrity B. A hustling huh of information C. Usually empty 9. My favorite Humor Page article was A. Plagiarized B. Actually a cartoon C. Actually a plagiarized cartoon 10. This sun, ey is: A. An obscure historical reference B. A desperate cry for help C. At least nine questions too long When you're completed with this survey. you can either email your results to: behrendbeacon.com or don't I U.l [ o_ r E. The People Who Count Will Get It NET WORTH: Have a fun finals week, Behrendt To those about to laugh, we salute you By Jerry Pohl Once and future humor editor As with every passing semes ter, the humor page's future is uncertain. It's going to he up to you to keep it alive. I can't do it for you anymore. I'm in L.A. now and between the beautiful women and the endless job offers, I just won't have time. One of the tenets of journalism is to answer the six questions. so I will. What is the humor page? It's a plucky little page that's perpetu ally on the verge of cancelation. It's the last bastion of free speech and thought in an increasingly controlled world of media. It's the only place to publish what you did to your roommate after he passed out. Where can the humor page be found? It can he found in the heart of every true American, on the smile of every innocent child, Bill Gates. College drop out. OVER $56 BILLION. on the wet bathroom floor of the Reed building where a true American and an innocent child are using it as a blanket. When did the humor page start? It started with the first crudely drawn penis on the wall of a cave, with the first crudely captioned picture of a cat that Al Gore made himself, with the first crudely written filler that expand ed the Beacon's headline to more than, "Still cold." Who creates the humor page? It is created by those intrepid vagabonds who don't know the boundaries of good taste, those stalwart rogues who never learned basic human decency, those mildly retarded dangers to themselves who wouldn't apolo gize for their actions even if they could remember them. How is the humor page made? With the best pirated software, plagiarized jokes and borrowed Friday, December 14, 2007 time that dirty misused SAF funding can buy. Why does the humor page exist? Because you don't deserve any better. Because if you weren't reading this you'd probably be doing something unspeakable to a cute animal. Because they'd rather let us have this page than deal with what we'd do if we got bored. If this is the last issue of this page you read, rest assured some one will have a new issue to read some day. This page has been canceled more times than good shows have on Fox. This page will come back every time, because one thing will never change; writing some thing for the humor page will always be more fun than doing your homework. We now return your minds to their regularly scheduled boredom.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers