I The Behrend Beacon
A farewell letter from the editor *tear*
By Mike Sharkey
Co-editor-in-chicf
Well. another semester has wine and g(me. With
the end of this semester. I must hid you all adieu, for
I am (hopefully) graduating this semester. With this
transitional period in my life. I must sit hack and
reflect on the past 4.5 \ ears here at Behrend. It start
ed out with a hang. and by hang I mean fast and
hard. As time and a half went hv, my aims and goals
in Life began to form. and I started to tigure out
what in the hell iny role was in this era/v ss orld.
Unfortunately. 1 got it totally wrung. and Int still
working on it
The coming semester. The Behrentl Beacon will
no longer have illy quirky and/or potentially o►ien
sive photos, hut from what I've he a rd, Mr. J e remy
Korwek will he taking over the Humor page in the
Spring. and he's planning on bringing in some third
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December 13, 2007 -
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A survey for you, my faithful audience
By Jerry Pohl
Humor Editor for
I. The hest Humor Page editor e er was
A. Jerre Pohl
B. Mike Sharkey
C. Mike Butala
2. Jeff) Pohl has been 'lritine for thc Humor Page for
A. Three years
B. Ulterior moti \ es
C. Too long
3. Jerry Pohl left The Beacon to become
A. A journalist
B. A pornographer
C. Funny
4. The Humor Page k
A. Funny
B. Offensive
C. A lame rip off of Thalia
5. Next semester, the Humor Page will be
A. Edited by Jeremy Korwek
B. Edited by Bryce Sayers
C. Canceled
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party materials... Like, stuff that is good enough to
he published on the internet. Booyah.
The next Humor editor is going to need all your
support. If you have any funny ideas for a comic. Or
if you want to contribute humorous articles in the
Spring and just get your name out there, please feel
free to email your materials to:
content (Y thebehrendbeacon.com.
Eve enjoyed m time here at The Beacon.
Everyone has been awesome to work with. and I
thank all the Beacon staff for all their support. I
must thank Mr. Jerry Pohl for his encouragement
and support. Without his help. I wouldn't have
made it as far as I have. and I thank him for it. Also,
without him. this page wouldn't have lasted as long
as it did.
I \\ ish e\ervonc the hest of luck in the future. and
I hope that when l"in fail - ions. you'll he able to sell
this ne \\ spaper on eliav and make lots of money.
6. If the Humor Page is gone in the spring. I will
A. Not notice
B. Not care
C. Not read the Beacon
7. N.l, fin ()rite part of the Beacon is
A. The Humor Page
B. The ads
C. It's ithsorhencv
8 The Beacon office is:
A. A hastioo of journalistic integrity
B. A hustling huh of information
C. Usually empty
9. My favorite Humor Page article was
A. Plagiarized
B. Actually a cartoon
C. Actually a plagiarized cartoon
10. This sun, ey is:
A. An obscure historical reference
B. A desperate cry for help
C. At least nine questions too long
When you're completed with this survey. you can either
email your results to:
behrendbeacon.com or don't
I U.l [ o_
r
E.
The People Who Count Will Get It
NET WORTH:
Have a fun finals week, Behrendt
To those about to laugh, we salute you
By Jerry Pohl
Once and future humor editor
As with every passing semes
ter, the humor page's future is
uncertain. It's going to he up to
you to keep it alive. I can't do it
for you anymore. I'm in L.A. now
and between the beautiful women
and the endless job offers, I just
won't have time. One of the
tenets of journalism is to answer
the six questions. so I will.
What is the humor page? It's a
plucky little page that's perpetu
ally on the verge of cancelation.
It's the last bastion of free speech
and thought in an increasingly
controlled world of media. It's the
only place to publish what you
did to your roommate after he
passed out.
Where can the humor page be
found? It can he found in the
heart of every true American, on
the smile of every innocent child,
Bill Gates.
College drop out.
OVER $56 BILLION.
on the wet bathroom floor of the
Reed building where a true
American and an innocent child
are using it as a blanket.
When did the humor page
start? It started with the first
crudely drawn penis on the wall
of a cave, with the first crudely
captioned picture of a cat that Al
Gore made himself, with the first
crudely written filler that expand
ed the Beacon's headline to more
than, "Still cold."
Who creates the humor page?
It is created by those intrepid
vagabonds who don't know the
boundaries of good taste, those
stalwart rogues who never
learned basic human decency,
those mildly retarded dangers to
themselves who wouldn't apolo
gize for their actions even if they
could remember them.
How is the humor page made?
With the best pirated software,
plagiarized jokes and borrowed
Friday, December 14, 2007
time that dirty misused SAF
funding can buy.
Why does the humor page
exist? Because you don't deserve
any better. Because if you weren't
reading this you'd probably be
doing something unspeakable to
a cute animal. Because they'd
rather let us have this page than
deal with what we'd do if we got
bored.
If this is the last issue of this
page you read, rest assured some
one will have a new issue to read
some day. This page has been
canceled more times than good
shows have on Fox.
This page will come back
every time, because one thing
will never change; writing some
thing for the humor page will
always be more fun than doing
your homework. We now return
your minds to their regularly
scheduled boredom.