I I it Vendredi, trente Mars, 0001 "I think that this place is really great. The stuff in here is really tehgnoligcally advanced. The machines use a lot of fuzzy numbers and qtliff " Dubya Cocaine, 206 Hand recount shows Blair by get out poop retiring chef It appeared after the 401-89 landslide in last year's SGA presidential election that there was no doubt that Jen Miles and Clint Skillen had defeated Demian Blair and Mike Frawley. But an unofficial hand recount done by the Bacon shows that the results should have been different. Despite the 312-vote deficit that Blair/Frawley had lost the election by, doubt surfaced on their campaign team that their ticket had really lost the election. The team claimed that there were many paper ballots turned in to the SGA Office during the hours of the election, which would likely give Blair the edge. SGA officials claimed that the paper ballots were not filled out in #2 pencils, which meant that, POLICE AND SAFETY REPORT 3/21/2001 11:00 17:50 3/22/2001 12:32 3/22/2001 01:15 3/23/2001 19:40 3/23/2001 00:18 3/24/2001 00:35 3/24/2001 03:57 3/25/2001 20:30 3/25/2001 11:40 3/27/2001 according to their constitution, the votes couldn't be counted. Despite efforts made by the Blair/Frawley campaign team to get these votes counted, SGA claimed it was unconstitutional and wouldn't be allowed. Blair/Frawley appealed the decision to Behrend's j -board, consisting of nine Greek members. They lost the vote 8-1 with the one vote coming from an undercover Bacon reporter pretending to be Greek. Blair's concession speech was inevitable, as he congratulated Miles for a well-fought election. Frawley, on the other hand, shared his thoughts through an article filled with profanity and Greek bashing. The paper ballots were delivered by the Blue Bus to the Glenhill Farmhouse for safe keeping. A parade of Police and Safety officers A complainant reported finding a shopping buggy with a young Jersey man blindfolded in it on the bridge to Almy Hall. Upon arrival man was found to be disoriented and talking about "Jay's mom". A missing persons report was filed for Jay's mom and man was pushed in the general direction of New Jersey. A herd of bovine looking mammals were spotted grazing on the lawn outside of the Reed Building Massive food posioning was reported in Dobbins Investigation later proved the food had been purchashed from the dumpster behind Aldi's. For second year in a row, Bacon staff reported to be unnecessarily provoking campus of Berhend. Staff was promised the return of the swear jar for ceasing and desisting. While on night patrol at the ARC, officer witnessed water polo coach apply massive amounts of body lotion while wearing street shoes on pool deck. Citation was issued along with a twenty five dollar gift certiciate to Bath and Body Works. Officers were dispatched to the apartment quad after a "Knowledgable " man was reported to be provok ing skunks with snowballs. The "d'oh" award was handed out. An officer was advised that a shopping buggy was overturned on bridge at Almy Hall. Student on duty at ARC reported riots among weight room characters. Complainant reported hearing farting noises coming from room 403 in Almy Hall. Students were found to be running underground illegal vinyl beanbag production shop. Citation handed out. A complainant reported a drunk managing editor of the Bacon running through the Wintergarden. He was reported yelling. "Me like boobies." Man was detained and held behind the RUB desk until State Police arrived. "Me like Boobies." Dean Lilley Lingerie, 20 QUESTION OF THE WEEK "I especially like the emergency exits over there by the wing." won 2000 SGA Election followed the Blue Bus for security until a call was made to report a crazed skunk running rampant in Perry Hall The ballots were just made available to the media. After one recount, the Bacon saw the Blair and Frawley had gained four votes, cutting the deficit to 308 votes. Upon further review, the Bacon found that specs of lead made from filling in a vote for Miles, had made their way to Blair's name. The SGA Constitution states that "any vote that is indistinguishable goes to the person contesting the election." These 153 votes would then be switched from the Miles column to Blair's. The lead was down to just 2 votes. Finally,the Bacon found that three ballots had holes punched in them for Miles. According to the SGA Constitution, "any person who votes NEWS Speeldogg Flight School, 08 by punching a hole in the ballot automatically has their vote switched to the other candidate for being so stupid." That final observation proves that Blair should have won the election by one vote. Blair stated, "I knew that my campaign posters, emails, ads, computer messages, phone calls, campaign flyers slipped under students' doors, and Greek disenfranchisement had to have paid off. I'm just disappointed that these results hadn't materialized earlier." SGA is currently coming up with a new system of voting that will more accurately distinguish the intent of the voters. Butterfly ballots are to go into effect for next week's election. SGA figures it will give the underdog more of a chance of pulling out the upset. Bacon staff member lives out liquid dream by I finally got a new starter In a recent agreement with the courts, Jennifer Lopez, a.k.a. "J -Lo," is now scheduled to appear at Behrend on April 19 in place of Shaggy and Baby Sham. The announcement follows a series of hearings that took place in Sandusky, Ohio, after alleged stalker Neil Makadia, assistant photo editor for the Berhend Bacon, was caught armed with a slingshot at Cedar Point where Lopez was performing. Lopez's lawyers stated in a recent press conference that Makadia has been following Lopez since January of 2000. Photos of Makadia, taken by Lopez's personal bodyguard Mike Frawley, were presented in court as evidence. Makadia was spotted in Lopez's pool, her dressing room, and the Grammy's, where Makadia, dressed as Lopez's former beau Sean "Puffy" Combs, assaulted Lopez's bodyguards with a pool cue and then ran to Lopez, holding her in his grasp. Lopez, not wanting to create a scene, smiled as the paparazzi admired her, and then turned towards Makadia, yelling, "Get your damn hands off of me!" Makadia appeared in court dressed in the same white suit he had sported at the Grammys, this time also adding a pair of sunglasses similar to those Combs frequently wears. As Makadia sat on the stand, he would periodically stand up and shout, "J- Lo! I want to have your love child!" After twenty minutes on the stand, Judge Robert Speel became frustrated and had Makadia removed from the court room in shackles. The trial continued as Makadia was forced to sit in the judge's quarters and watch old New Kids on the Block videos repeatedly until he calmed down. After nine days in court, a frustrated Judge Speel decided that Makadia is a lost cause. He told the court that if Makadia was incarcerated, it is likely he would bounce off the walls continuously making horny monkey sounds, hence driving the other prisoners to suicide. If he was let free without punishment, he would continue to stalk Lopez, thus interfering with her weekly !MIMI HONK. HONK HONK HONK. HONK HONK. HONK. HONK HONKETY HONK. Eh? Canadian Goose Speech Comm, 14 Random clip art and jokes for the insane box A cricket walks into a bar and says, "is the bartender here!" It's a riddle, get it? Bacon staff member, Neil Makadia, gets to live out his dream...before the judge put the restraining order on hint breast and buttocks silicone injections. To settle the dispute, Judge Speel ordered Lopez to perform at Penn State Berhend in place of Shaggy, with Makadia as her personal escort. However, it was also insisted on that Makadia wear a straightjacket at all times while within 1500 yards of Lopez. Surprisingly, Lopez was not terribly upset with the verdict. "Personally, I have always had a fondness for little guys from New Jersey. Also, I have been a Nittany Lion fan since I was a small girl... you know, since I was seven or eight years old." John Tesh, close friends with Lopez MIMI -a , - • &',. * ~,,...*., 4 • 10 ' • , ~ 1 'l4i t ; ~, 44 . ~.,..4 k "I think we should put this building into a lock box. You know, I invented this ARC." Al Bore Recounts, 537 What do you a fish with no A fsh and formerly stalked by Makadia, will open for Lopez with songs from his upcoming CD "Songs from an Alien." The Berhend Concert Committee is currently accepting applications for Lopez's personal fashion consultant. Applicants must prove to be agile with duct tape and silicone. Lopez will perform April 19 in the ARC at 8 p.m. Tickets are free to all Behrend students and their illegitimate children. Tickets will cost $l.OO for legitimate children, staff/ faculty, and the public. Beer and jello shots will be provided at the door for all students under 21. The concert is 8.Y.0.8. for those of age.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers