1. You're idea of a romantic date is: a. Burger King: Two burgers, two fries and ice water for $2.22 b. Dominick's: 2:30 a.m.; two meatball omelets and ice waters bigger than your head c. Crowley's: Steak on the grill prepared sensuously by your lover and you together 2. At the end of the night you expect: a. Sex b. A kiss goodnight c. "Can we do this again next week?" 3. How do you know you're going to get lucky? a. You paid for dinner b. You bought a case of Beast Ice c. You've been dating six months 4. What is appropriate wear for a date? a. Casual and sexy b. Whatever smells the least c. Something hootchie 5. When you introduce your date to others you: a. "Look what's going home with me!" "This is my cousin from Union City." Skip the group, buy some wine and get to know each other 6. Your favorite pick up line is: a. "I wanna do bad things to you." b. "Is it too early to tell you I expect sex tonight'?" c. "Can I brush your hair with my tongue?" (ACTUAL!) GRAND OPENING BUY GET BUY 1 TAPE OR CD AND GET A TAPE OR CD SINGLE FREE! .....• , "1 ... ....." ....... % ........... ......-- ;b ....... ow % % % ......--+-+ 11 t ....• ......... .......".."' ...... . Pr i " "l % \ i % IllY CD i% % a n 1 % ‘ 1 t . 1 % ill 05 , , . ........, , , S i ng lesWit , .i„, °they ------- --------- i % -- mmo -kr lid " `"--".- ---- --- %......-- % ........------ ,------ I 1 piV isf-oii° I %.,....,..........- 1 % %, % .pe , I ~, Si of f s oy , , •..,....„.ed. , , ~,,,.... ........ S ingles other dies. . ---- a wl ow. .. v a t with , - Not I ..... I ....... '''' ‘..... •"'""' Collision Date Quiz 2 TAPES & ONE FREE! How do you rate? 7. Date activities: a. The Pub b. Dinner, a movie and BLAW c. Anything sweaty 8. Things not to do on a date: a. Anything involving your personal gas expulsion b. Pick, scratch or adjust an orifice c. Talk about your plans for the future together 9. You know you're serious when: When you wake-up in the morning, you know who is next to you Sex without having to buy Holding each other is enough 10. Terms of affection: a. "Hey baby - turnout the #®l•&% lights and lets go to town." b. "You're wearing THAT?" c. Anything that sounds like something you would say to a two year old 11. Mood music: a. Nine Inch Nails b. Marilyn Manson c. Keith Sweat 12. Wine to share: a. Cisco b. Chardonnay c. Mad Dog 20/20 13. Food to share: a. Nothin' but you, me, wax paper and no-bake cookies b. Edible Underwear c. Strawberries, Champagne and you 14. Kinky is: a. Bubble wrap and an oily surface b. In the buff outside in the rain c. With your roommates.. . 15. How to say good-bye: a. "Hey, hit the highway!" b. "Do I know you?" c. "There's a bun in my oven and it ain't yours." Find out how you did: 1. c (3) a (2) b (1) c (3) b (2) a (1) 9. c (3) b (2) a (1) c (3) a (2) b (1) 10. a (3) c (2) b (1) a (3) c (2) b (1) 11. c (3) a (2) b (1) c (3) a (2) b (1) 12. b (3) c (2) a (1) a (3) b (2) c (1) 13. c (3) a (2) b (1) c (3) a (2) b (i) 14. a (3) b (2) c (1) c (3) a (2) b (1) 15. a (3) b (2) c (1) 0-14 SPAM: YOU! Out of the gene pool! Lower than the scum on the pool, you're not even a meat! You're a pasteurized processed meat product that shouldn't reproduce. Get lost, loser - we'd rather starve. 15-23 STEAKUM: You have potential but could use A LOT of work. We recommend picking up a few issues of Cosmo and trying some new beers. 24-34 HAMBURGER: A date to look forward to, you understand the fundamentals of dating but could probably use a little help in the area of class. Pay close attention to close lovers around you and take notes. 35-45 GRADE 'A' STEAK: Primo. You not only have it right, but you calendar Is full until the year 2000. Are you busy Friday night? APPLIANCES NECESSARY. ‘ INQUIRE WITHIN. MUST BE I WILLING TO PUT UP WITH ‘ DISGRUNTLED BIOLOGY MAJORS AND FAILING JOURNALISTS • ` IT'S TOUGH BEING A FARCE. WANTED: BOOKSTORE EMPLOYEES AFTER THE RECENT BLOODSHED ERUPTING OUT OF A VIOLENT ARGUMENT OVER BOOK PRICES. INTERESTED STUDENTS SHOULD INQUIRE IN FULL ARMOR AT THE BOOKSTORE. TELL SECURITY YOU'RE THERE TO SEE HELEN. FOR SALE: A HOUSING CONTRACT IN APARTMENT 701. SPACIOUS LIVING WITH ALL FOR SALE: NEWSPAPER. STAFF INCLUDED. CALL 898-6488. WANTED: POLICE AND SAFETY IS IN NEED OF SOME FEMALE PANTIES. THOSE WHO CAN GIVE, SHOULD. The dashing Dean Dating tips from the pro: Provost and Dean John Lilley explains the finer points of dating. His tips include bathing, spending a lot of cash and Bacardi 151 with a Mist. "Slick Willie Lilley," as he was known in his college years, presented "Dating 101: Getting to First Base" yesterday in the Reed Lecture Hall. Dr. Ursula Davis and Dr. Rob ,Speel, Collision advisors, illustrated "Dating Don'ts: How to get slapped in the first 15 minutes." Dr. Chris Reber, Dean of Students, joined in this segment as an expert on losing the game of love. Dating don'ts included bringing your mother, chewing with your mouth open and Reber's advice that "Not tonight doesn't mean try again later." Reber was unavailable for photo due to a black eye. . NEEDED: I NEED A JOB. GOT ONE? GIVE ME A CALL: 898- 6111. FOUND: I FOUND A PARKING PERMIT - WILL SURRENDER TO OWNER FOR $159.95. ON SALE TODAY!! NEEDED: BARBIE DOLLS, FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT MELISSA BENDER OR DIANA HUME GEORGE IN THE ACADEMIC BUILDING. SLIGHTLY USED: SLIGHTLY USED BLOW-UP LIFE SIZE DOLL • FEW MILES AND GREAT BODY. PRICE NEGOTIABLE. MAIL INQUIRIES TO BOX 1610. WANTED: STOMACH PUMP NEEDED DESPERATELY. MUST BE PORTABLE; WILL BE IN THE Real music on WPSE The administration has decreed that WPSE can spin the hits and trash the talk. In an announcement late last night, Dr. Chris Reber, Dean of Students, said that Behrend's radio station will change formats this weekend. Musical selections will be chosen by Reber, whose favorites include Barry Manilow, Michael Jackson, the Spice Girls and Milli Vanilli. Reber, who is tone deaf, said he can't wait to dust off his dancing shoes and "do a little dance." Fred Anzivino, former WPSE head, pictured at the left, will return to run the station. Anzivino was unavailable for comment due to whipped cream in his ears. GORGE DAILY TO INSPECT ANY POSSIBLES. FOUND: ARE YOU MISSING A CONDOM? FOUND OUTSIDE APARTMENT 702. STOP IN TO IDENTIFY. FOR SALE: SLIGHTLY USED HISTORY 001 AND 002 TEXTBOOK& USED ONCE TO PROP OPEN THE DOOR OF OUR ROOM BECAUSE OF THE GAS. WILL TRADE FOR USED GUM AND A RIDE TO THE MALL NEEDED: A UFE. WILL INTERVIEW ANY POSSIBIUTIEIL MUST BE ALIVE AND .CONVERSANT IN BASIC ENGLISH. GOOD UNTIL THE END OF THE MILLENNIUM. FOR SALE: KEGS OF BEER. STOP IN THE GORGE TO GET ONE. HURRY ONLY A FEW DAYS LEFT ON THIS AMAZING OFFER.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers