i jm... l.i. li-Jj!;lM."-lXMiwa!g ti'.iuis of Tin "Aiur.mcAX' T. n. MASSF.K, 1 rHLinnf.m Ann JOSEril EISE1.Y. S PnorBtKToni. If. it. IMS.SEtt, Editor. CJJice in CcnireMeJin the rear of If. Ii. Mat ter' Mtrre. THE AMERICAN" is published every Satur day at TWO DOI.I.AKS per annum to be paid half yearly in advance. No paper discontin ui'il till all arreniagcs are paid. No subscriptions received fir i Inn period than six mo.iths. All communication or letters on l)tifiii-ss relating to the olfice, to insure attention, must he POST PAID. UNBUK.Y AMERICAN. AND SHAMOK1N JOURNAL: rnit i:s of ArrjiTiSLa. 1 iqnare 1 insertion, fO fiO 1 da 2 do 0 75 1 do 3 da 1 Of) Fivry subsequent insertion, 0 8fl Yearly Advertisements : one column, S5 half column, f 18, three sqnnrrs, f 13 1 two squares, f f) t one squitc, f.r. Half-yearly i one column, f IS liatr column, f 12 j three squares, $8 ; twe squares, (5f one squnre, $3 60. Advertisements left without directions s to tlm length of time they ro ti be published, will t continued until ordered out, and charffed accord inffly. (Hixtern lines make t square. Absolute acquiescence, in the decision of the ninjority, the. vital principle of Republics, from which there is no appeal but to force, the vitnl principle, and immediate parent of despotism .tErmnso. Siiitbury, Koi'tliuiiilcHaiil to. Pa. Saturday, April 20, IS 1 1. Vol. 4--o. aOM'holo o, BMomxfs s r t n t t v a i-1 7. r. n, FROM KIlfKIW.'s CCSI-KI. SONNfTS. M'e are fir fioni advocating such ii)tiMnpr;itr I use, cither of th.-pipe, segars without the pip-. or tobacco in other forms, as we have seen. J Hot the followine is a quaint st rt nji of useful i thoughts. The author was a man of undo.ibt- r,1 piety and creat religions inlluenee in Ins J Julin, 'do Von think thnt anv one should be do day : son of the celebrated l!alrh Ersk.ne, no- , ,, W(trU f'r ft ,ivin(T phoned for his bold dissent from the Scottish ni)r(.rtninv ,, ,,Ml , Mo to see then, church in HHiJ. and brother to l-.lifirer l.rs- . kine, nil equally celebrated Seoth secedcr. The author of the following also published va rious sermons and other works. This Indian weed now w ithered quite. Though meen at noon, rut down at ni;:ht, Shews thy d cay ; All lleli is bay. Thus think, and smoke tobacco. The pipe, so lilv-like and wait. Does thus thy mortal state bespeak. Thon'rt even such ; (lone with a touch. Thus think, and smoke tobacco. And when the smoke ascends on high. Then thou behold s! the vanity Of woildly stiitf, ( lone with a pull". Thus think, and smoke tobacco. And when the pipe crows foul within, Think on thy soul di-lil'd with sin ; For then the f.re It doth require. Thus think, and smoke tobacco. And sect the ashes cast away ? Then to thyself, thou (well; tuaycst say, That to the dust, TJ turn tiioi- nnwt. Thus think, and smoke tobacco. From the Qswegn Whig. TIIK FIII.VTKU. jnow ye tho printer's hour of peace 1 Know ye an hour more fraught w ith joy 'Than ever felt the maid of ( ireei-e When kissed by Venus' dnfrous. boy? "J" is not when news of di e.idlul Jinfe 1 lis columns all wi'h minion till ; :Tis not when brother printers quote 'J he eli'u.-inn of his stump-worn quill. 'Tisnot when in Miss Fancy's hiss, I.oii" advertisements livel his eye. And si-eio to whiper as they pa.s. We'll rare your columns by and-hy, Nor is it when with nntu'rou names, llis lciijlhened re!l of v.llum swells. As it 'twas touched by conj rer s wane, Or rew by l.iiry's niaiic spells. N'o. reader, no. the printei's hoar llis hour of real sweet repo-e, Is not wli"ii. by some in.iLiic power, Ills li.-t of patio. l.i daily ylOW s lut. oh! 'tis wh 'ii stern winter dienr Cem.-s robed in sue.. v and rain and vapor. ' lie bears, in vhi.-ptrs sott and clear, We'l l came to pay uu fur thepnjKr ' I. K H All W II I Kli F.US, As o'er their w ine and v.ainnts fat, Tall.in? of this and then of that. 'Two wiirhts. well b-aineil in the law Tii.it is, well skilled to f.n.l a flaw f-'.iid one i fir.paiurii to ihe otner. "How is it. mo.-1 respected brother. That you of late have r-baven nw.iy 'Those whiskers wn'ch for many a day Had ovr.ar.ienled much your cheek ? Sine, 'twas an idle, silly freak " To w bom the other answer gave, "XV il ii look half rneivy and half era ve- "Thoupii others be by vhisk"is graced, .1 tiwr;tr tnn't If fin bin fired .' Xow tell n;e w hy.' the ether cried, 'In whiskers jo:i take so much pride; Why such a n:as of .'?.v.ij;e "nair, Vii your 'face divine' you wear ?'' To w hom the other answer pave, T itii look hall' merry and half grave. 'For the fame reason that you say Caused you to fchave yours all away : Though some by whiskers are not graced, A lawyer can't be too lltar fueed ' Max, hwu Soi'Tiiv, is a dupeable animal . ,. . , diciue, quacks in religion, and , , . ( nicks in mt quacks in polclics ; know this, and act upon the knowledge. There is scarcely any one w ho may nut, like a trout, be taken by tick ling. A Nrw Fkatire. The New Orleans Pica vune eavs . "Everv dav brings e-nfitn;P.. r W .. new. In "popping the n;:etion" noW u,c ktneken individUal, i.- ofs8yinfff .iMlTO( will you ma-r me y exclaims, 'Miss, are you '.wfiVir of annexation 1" Vrom thr Lowell Offering. TIIK l'ACTOIIV IJIUI.. 'Who is thai bountiful girl yonder !' ashed Julia Stanwood of her friend, Ellon Morley, ns thpy stood nt n window in the brilliantly light- eil parlor of Mr. Seymour. 'What the one who stands opposite us, who is dressed so plainly !' asked Ellon. 'Tho same,' wn the reply. 'I feci cotisi- drr.'ibly curious to know who she is.' And F presume it wi'l bo increased when I toll you that she is a factory a. ill," was tho FllrPrnj, reply. ,NV) 7 J;,," Il0W .. k , know their place, and not be always putting themselves forward as though they were some i body.' 1 'And nte they not fouvhothj, as you please to 1 term it !' asked Julia. j 'Oil. yes certainly was the From fill reply ; 'or I suppose they would be if'youcoi.ld Imveyoir J will about it. I suppose yon would have the ! merchant's daughter stoop to associate with the ' ignorant and vulvar fictory girl, but I sh.tll ne ; verdoit; and I do not think Mr. Seymour I shouid udu.it n girl of her standing to a jilace like this, even if she is his ncice.' i 'Well, J'llen, as the subject is painful to yon, ; we will drop it. at once ; anil see, yonder comes , your brother, who, I think by his looks has something' to communicate.' j '(mod evening, M'ss Slauwood,' said Mr. ! Morley, ns he approached the window ; and af j ter remarking upon the beauty of the evening, j turned and asked if they had been introduced to i the belle ot the evening. 'To whom do you refer !' asked F.Ilen 'I 1 do not know that I have noticed that one has i received any more attention than another.' ! 'Is it po--ib!e that von have not noticed the : presence of a stranger 1 asked F.dward. I 'Ifyou mean the factory girl, I hare fern ( her' was tho reply ; but I did not know that j she had received any marked attention; she lias not from me any way.' j 'Why, sister how can you spook so lightly of j M iss Kmuions ; hut permit nic to introduce you ' toher.and I am euic your opinion will be chan ! B"-' j 'I do not rrnrr. an acquaintance with her,' j was the haughty reply ; 'hut if you are dei I reus of giving me an introduction to her, I have j no objection.' And taking hid arm she crossed , the fcetn to (I. e place where Mts F, unions , stood. She had before been charmed by her ; beauty, though unw.lling to own it; tint from ; the tune of her introduction a burning jealousy j took possc.-sioil of her heart ; she feared that : she shoe.hl now have a rival, for she had before j been the reigning nttroct ion, anil could i;ut hour ; that another should usurp her place. ! A short time afterward Julia Stanwood recei : ved an introduction to her; ami alter that eveu ! inq they wove hriMini friends. Julia bad tlu.t. ; evening obtained an msigl't into KlletiV char actor, which was stilTicicnl to assure her tliat ; her friendship would be of little value. Julia was not the only one w ho had enticed I'T nnkiudness to the lovely girl. El ward Motley had not been an inditl'i-rent witness to ; ins sister s ru.ton-ss. nnd he was surprised that o:n- iMiom ne loye.i so wop, one t'nt he hail ' deemed so nearly perfect, should be guilty of : such conduct, With ho excepl ion ofthe above incident, the I evening passed away pleasantly to nil parties, ' nnd they returned to their houses well pleased , with thr evening's entertainment, j Mr. Emmons was a wealthy merchant in the city of New urlc, who had married ut t!i" ago of twenty-one, Ihe youngest sister of Mr. ! SeVmour, a lovely girl of eighteen. Mary was their only child, nnd their love tor her was m ar ly nllivd to idolatry. Hy a sudden reverse of iine liis property was swept away, and his i Ihuii!) reduced to beggary. This was too much , tor his proud spirit ; and, sinking into a rapid , , , . i .i , . .iv i dceone, he fniu niimhered in the dust. 1 heir , nidden change or fortune, and the death of her I i... i i i ..... ..t w .. . ... ... .1 husband followed each other so o-iick'v, that Mrs. Euinions also fell a victim to disc;;.', and, in less than three iiMtiths after the death of her j hushnr.d, the grave Was opened to receive her lifeless remains ( and Mary was !ctt an orphan at the age of seventeen. On hearing the dad news of the misfortune which had just befallen them, Mr. Seymour lias- j tened to New York, and arrived there just in ! time tu see the dying struggles ot the sister, ; , . , , , , , , i and take the lovely orphan under li s care. She ly orpl returned with him to his home, and accepted his kind invitation to make it hers. As the hearts of Mr. an i Vlrs. Seymour were still bleeding un rX tllC rcCPIlt Bfl.c,j.,.,0 cf iho death -JJ Uu,ir ot)y cr,ild, their txiVuctlons faUn- ed upon this new object with ii.ereiisf'J strength After remaining with them a year, s,'ll9 expres sed a wibh to go to the fucury. They at flrt attempted to dissuade ier from if, but she was so earnefct iq her douire, that they titwliy euu- united, ng she promised to ri'turn in a yenr. During' her absence, as Mr. Seymour had busi ness of importance in anotln-r p'irt of that stale, ho removed to a town about eighty miles from his former residence. AMheendol the yenr Mary returned; nnd wishing to introduce her to society, tin; party in which wft have first presented her to notice, was given for that purpose. We will now pass over the period of three months; during which time rummer had relin- ! quislied its lovely flowers for the sere (tdiage of autumn. A cheerful firo was burning in'the frale, in the back parlor of Mr. Seymour's man sion. Mil ward Morley was seated upon the so fa, bedding the hand of Marv Ivnmotis, and look ing into her lace with an intense anxiety, ns if I wnitin? for n sentenceof life or death. At length she spoke nnd her voice trembled like the aspen leaf as she answered, 'Mr. Mor ley, I respect, nay I love yon, but under exis ting ciicumstances, 1 ran never be yours !' 'And what, dear Mary, hascauscd this change in Jove.' '.Say not change,' she hastily replied, 'that is unchanged unchangeable; but yon know ll. r.,rlin. r c;.i. I......,.! .., ...! I , never could he happy in the vnhnrrincss of a- j nother.' j 't know,' he answered sorrowfully, 'that fho j has treated you with nnkiudness '; but it this i can be overcome, will you then consent to be ' ,nin0 ; 'I will,' was t!ie calm reply. Wii bout saying another word, he took his hat from the table and departed. When he reached his home he found his sister alone in the setting room. Sealing himself beside her, he introduced the subject by telling her ofthe prospects w hich he feared she had blighted for ever. As he continued a frown gathered upon her brow, nnd a hasty exclamation rose to her li; but when he told her of the sacrifices which the self-denying girl was about to make to pride, her better feelings triumphed; nnd covering her face with her hands, the pround and haughty girl wept in bitterness of spirit. Hastily rising she opened her writmg-desk, nnd taking a pen wrote a note, and handed it : to her brother saying, 'I cannot, goto her. but give hrr this and tell her that to-inorrow I will see her.' ! My sister, yenr ronscienco will reward you ; for this, said ho ns he closed the door, nnd hast ily retraced his steps. Without stopping to ring for adinit'nnee, he entered and found Ma ry sitting in the parlor where he bad letl her. Traces of tears w ere visible on her cheok.'.btit a smile quickly succeeded, as she saw the ex pression of joy upon his countenance. Taking the iicie from his lined, she perused it : nnd then, looking him steadliistly in the face, asked him if he believed it was the language of sin cerity. 'Yes,' was the reply, 'and 1 know that she will be proud ot such a sister.' Iii we will here leave thcrn to the enjoy- tnent of their new found happiness, for the scene is too sacred for the eye of strangers. A few days afierwai.l, Mrs. Seymour wns bit- sily engaged in ornamenting a bride's cake, nnd Mary Emmons and Ellen Morley were .rim- minga white fatin dress, when a letter was broj.,,t in ni, to Mary, who hastily pc ..,., i :, ,,,i t.,;,i n t,.,. i,..v 'Well,' said E'len, ! think you are rather sly wilh your letter ; hut if I cannot lime the pr ivilege o! reading it, I shall take the Y-inkee's privile of guessing, find I guess that il came from I.oweil.' Wi ll I ratiier guess tint yoM have g-tesscd right ; nnd ns yon vre si good at guessing I ! ejar-s- I will let you read it,' replied .Mary, i laughiti". 'Well, Ellen, w hit do you think of my f.ieto ry friend, askeJ Mury, os Ellen rcturc.ed the letter. .V,dl, Mary to tell y.vt the truth, I thinH she j needs no better rceo,,no,da. em than her h g nn associate of yours : but it'l -hotihi judge from it- , . this letter, I rhouM think that she. was one i whom you might bo proud of.' .... . .. ... 'Thank von li'i the compliment,' sai I Mary, lalighif g,' and I nm proud of her, ne,,l of n:i. others tiieie ; nod I s'.all net soon forget tin ir kindness to me wlicn I was a stranger among Ihem.' ' Mary was true to her promise, nnd as a mib - stanti.il proof of their remembrance, they recei ved a bhort time after this receipt of the above letter, one from Mrs. Morley, accompanied ro ller curd and a slice of cuke. And Lib',, jj. fm ley never had occasion to regret that 'jrr ,ru. ther haJ chocen lbr lus ce;nuani . c-.i girl. u IUW r. a. l. Ti'RMS or r.NDEAKME.vr. t'nele Moses h P3r,'.lLuljr in his counsels to Eeui to beware of the women, lie euys that he tried to court up one once, and she called him all forts of foul names. I.em inquired what those bi? iiuniea m'ght be, 'Duck andthickyand euch' replitd the vll bachelor, swelling up. A COHI,Al.I.Gl STOMACH. 1 have been a stomach (or about forty years, during all of which time I have endeavored to do my duty faithfully nnd punctually. My master, however, is so reckless, that I would defy any stomarh of ordinary ability and capa city to get along pleasantly with hfm. The fact is, like almost, all other men, lie, in his eating and drinking, considers his own plea sure only, and never once reflects on She poor "retch who has to be rc-Mii"ih!e for the dis posnl of everything downstairs. Scarcely on any day does In: fail to exceed the strict rule of temperance; nay, there is scarcely a singlu meal which is altogether what it ought to bo, either in its constituents or itsgeneril amount. ')' therefore one id' continual worry and tret; i am never oil '.he (irnitge trom morning till night, nnd I hive not a moment in the four-atid-twenty hours that 1 can cutely call my own. My greatest trial takes place in the evening, when tny master has dined. Il you only saw what a mess this sfl'd dinner is soup, fish, flesh, fowl, ham, curry, rice, potatoes, tahlebi er, sher ry, tarf, pudding-, cheese, bread, nil mixed up niggieiv- f ggietv logr-m r. I am lieeustome ,,),il0 ,l''',-r' so ,""', r,',', ,""rh !'" ked ; but m-v nns,, r himself would taint nt the sight. "'""' "l'uty in ail rirrum-tnnres. I call "'' l"rip,,, ""''ir Juice, and to it we set. u ns ",,,, h '" wil1 if wr llfl(1 "' ""'"'l agreeable task in tin; wcr'd before us. I!ut, un'ui'k'ly, my master has an impression verv firmly fixed up. u him, that our business is ant In beval!y promcti c! l y an be.jror t wo's I'riok ing : m he cont nines r,t table a niotovt his trie nils. nnd jvnirs me i'ow n son e 1 rl! !e a nd a half of w ine, perhaps of vnrii u serls, that hotl.ei (I t---tric Juice and me to a lieyree w hich no one can have any eofceptioii of. In ti.ct, this said wine undoes our work almost ns fast ns we do i be sides blinding Hud puisoniiii' us poor genii into , the bargain. On many occasions I nm obliged 1 to give up my task for the time altogether ; lor : while this vinous shower is goieror;, I would ; defy the most vigorous slonineh in the world to ! make nny ndvance in its business worth speak i inr of. Sometimes things go to a much rrcn'- pr n, (1.ll(,r . nv n)aHt,r ,vi m in ,lls innllPr fr h.nrs. not nl wny!.' indeed with wine, b-.t occasionally will, pmich, one ingredient of which, the lemon, is .nieularlv odms tons miui-'ers of the interior All tl.i.i time I ran hear him jollifying nway at a great rate, drinking health to his neighbors, and ruining his own. My only relief trom such visitation!) is usually derived from cofiee or tea, two oh) steady allies, (or whom I have a great regard. A cup of either of ihese beer.nes generally hi los wonderfully to dispose of the crude win"-drer.i'l.e;l nm-s which I have in hands, nnd eiuib'es me to get the field cleared in time for next aeti.ei. i: Ysit.. SiCiie er.i-'vol bi.-heh r has uttered the fo'lowieg s'nmli rs ep.ui the girl-. We rl.-m't ,i-r. t ciulo-s ot them we j "They think of Hymen, and enn't help sigh- When their hn -Vs or i',e tb- ni they e.in'l help crying. 1 hey sit nt the w ind.e.v and can't help sp ing into private matters they ' rati t help prying. In g.-t each a Loan tti"V rA help try in When together tiieit i'dp plying. At the mirror. ; tongues tliey can t tuc mirror they rau't hi lp fvi: -ling nnd nrn- log and t ing. j ,n y screw up their c bring on deep coiisuir.p'. i-'.n, mid can't !".i ing-. i'-tir.t tf. r-ets, I lV ) ,t,t t,. .-I. .,'..., i , ,,i ' -,. ,m. -n rea-on is iilain thev h i" e !i"'v!v t i'art'. their f!ocii ir.es and iu:'f.d their dotln'S. They cati li j fold and there i: n i one to make snge tea ; een- ( sequent'' they drop off. j II" tl;ni loves for bea"tv, w ill rer.se tol. '.e , when benity ta les; win! fei i,i that Wore i ,,f";7' 'j'',y. "",?( n. , "J''" '"""""r"1 "XZTX fi'-Hed ,e ! , ,' .' ., . .,. ' ' 'pnii hre, an - w lUi.nt, I j: 1 1 w '!ih::i on tioirup- ' ' . , , ., -v 'Ttt'.or nte r.r- (t: os, ' .ir, i ,.'.i;-cr a li'.n's g i id p;ts to light '.tputi t! res. i ,,'-,! v.i.m.iis. '' ' yuu p iv a s.t, m-.l are l- n! tin t! ,iriwing-re-.i, fill j y.tir f.vk. t b.h.k it ,.,. riir,i bi-V.-l. Leuvo i ,,'i,'ra a'10111 '.arioui place; oil jour way home. I ioosK Stoh . It is stated that some tiir.) i fcince, sonic nu n t.s.k twenty-one geese, from a ' firm ynid in Enghind, belonging to a Mr. I White. A gander whiidi belonged To the flock, wasfou.td next inoming with a big tied round his neck, containing twenty-one pence, and llie following poetic excuse written on a slip of pa per: Dear Mister White, We wish you good nicht, W'c arc sorry we cannot stay longer ; We have t..ken twenty-one geese, At a penny a piece, Arid left the amount witl.thv gander Colonel Crocket In a Clnnndary. "I never but onre," Mid the Colonel, "wns in what I call a real genuine qunnd-ary. It tvaa during my electioneering campaign for Con gress ; at which time t etrolled about in the woods so particularly pestered by politics, thnt I forgot my rifle. Any mnn may forgot his ti tle, you know ; but it isn't every man can make amends for his forgetfulness by his in venlive faculties, 1 guess. It chanced ni? I was strolling nlonsr, considerable deep in Congrrs sionals, tho first thing that took my fancy was the snarling of some yonng bears, which pro ceeded from ft. hollow free ; the entrance being more than forty feet from the ground. mount ed the tree; but I soon found that I could not reach the cubs with my liands, so I went, feet I'ormost, to see if I could draw them out with tny to.s. I bung nn nt the tb,i of the hole, straining with all my might to reach them, un til at Inst my hands slipped, and down 1 went, more than twenty feet to the bottom of that black hole, and there I found myself almost hip deep in a family of young hears. I soon found that I might as v.cll undertake to climb up the grensist part of a rainbow, as to gpt back, the hole in the tree being so large, nnd its sides st smooth and slippery from the rain. Now this v as a real, genuine, regular quand-ary If so he I was to shout it would have been doubt ful whether they would hear mo at the settle ment ; and if they diit hear me, the story would ruin my election, for they were a quantity too cute to vote for o tnn that Htid ventured into lace that he couhl'nt get himself out of. Well, now, while I was calculating whether it w ns best to shout for help, or to Wait in the hob-:mt il after tho election, I heird a kind of ' 1,1,1, ling and grumbling over brad; and, look ing up, saw the old bear coming down stem fir teoM upon me. My motto is always 'go a b.M.l!' nnd ns soon ns she liad lowered herself within tny leach I got a tight grip of her tail in my !e!l hand, and w ith my little hitck-horn-bafted penknife in Ihe other, I commenced spur rieg her forward. I'll be shot if ever member of Congress rose quicker in the world than I did ! She took me oat in the shuke of a laniVs tail." f-;;nire S., of our village, has a very saga cii us dog. He sits up like a rnan in a chair, allows you to put a hat upon his head and a ci gar in his month, and if any bystander chances to give him a fip or a U-vy, the dog's owner is the only person who can get it from him again. IVesf. Uep. A remarkably Fagacious animal, truly, but not s.i good a financ or as the elephant we have j heard of, who took in money on very special ( deposit. 'That's a wrry knowin' hanimel of yours, is be r ,-aid a cockney gentleman to the keeper ofthe elephant in question. Very,' was the cool rejoinder. He performs strange tric!;s hand 'inn ics, i ikes be!' inquired the cockney, eyeing the an imal through his glass. SurprisiV !' retorted the keeper, 'we've loavit him fo put money in that box you see way up there. Try him with a dollar.' The crrluiey handed the elephant f. dollar, and sure ;h, he took it in I, is trunk and placed it in a IkiX high up out of reach. 'Well, that is wery hextraordinary haston Uhin" truly V said the green one, opening his yes. 'Now, let's see him take it out and 'and it h ii k.' ' H'r neivr learns him that triih,' rclortcd t'ie keeper, with a roguish leer, nnd then turn ' ed away to stir Cn the monkeys and punch the ! I o. ems. r.?jm Work. A vjrv eccentric clnrvmes n.eied David Jones, who flourished in Goiha.i j a few vears since, was n-.ss,n(r tl,roor, 'rirond' ' I 13 "r-" - ar one morning, at an early hocr, wher, no war rtartledby n Voice, apparenMy issu; hit fr.,n j t!..; gutter, crying, 'Good morniti-;-, neighbor l"T ' 0tthy KM ' Ion, h neighbor,' nr.d at b.,t discovered an eb- : . n---.ii . I ' -ft wallowing :n the Verif.el. Who is it,' said ' he, nhat ca'.Ta hip neighbor Jones!' 'Why ' , .. ,. . . that cal.a hip neighbor Jones!' 'Why ii-1. , ,,i,i ,- .n.floi.r ... . . i . uov..,l(.L.l mc . , 11U com ei leu mc iiie ; tiling necessary 10 win me nve in a moiouh, uh '.. Sunday ; Converted you! Oh yes : swered a suit of fine clothes, and a few do!- very prnhab'e you look just like a piece of my l' ' work. If ('od had converted you, I thuuld'ut have found you in the gutter 1' To rnom-i'K a i.Kjt io from two pomps. Take two decanters, one containing pert, and the other sherry. Knock thorn forcibly teve rnl times against: eich other, and a liquid, will i be iir.uu'uiatcly pr.Kluct'J j pI VT lJVI:s.A Yankee lover once told his mi.-tress that it he had us many livtsa riutumtt, he would risk them all for hrr. r.ni'AiTi ox AVARiciors mf.x. At rest b.'in uth this eliiiri'h-) aid tone Lie stingy Jciiiiiiy Wyatt He died one morning j n.-t ut ten, And saved a diniici by it ArrrcTATtOH ExIRaorpinaht. "Manrnin, pxclaimed a beautiful girl, who had FuffercJ af fectation to obscure the litt'a intellect she. 'Jin sesscd, "what is that long grectt thing the dish before you!" "A encumber, my beloved Georgians," re plied the mamma, with a bland smile of appro bation on her darling' commendable curiosity. "A cucumber! gracious poodncss, my dear mamma, how very extraordinary ! 1 always imagined, until this moment, that they greV in slices i" To mark a mimic TEMpf.st. Before the? tea things go out, tie a stout coTd across thij kitchen stairs, aliout nine inches from tha ground. Strew orange peel on the hall fic.r, place a tub of water on the first landing, lmr nrss the yard dog to the coal scuttle, shut the kitten np in the piano, ring the bell for the ser vants, and then wail for the result. A Western editor snys, that not Unitl his dy ing day, not even then, will he give up th great principles for which he is contending. This chap holds on about n8 tenaciously as did the negro wlio fouglit the Irishman in Philn delphin. "Ye black vagabond," said Paddy, "houlr! 'tp and holler ennfT. I'll fight till I die." "So Will I," sung out the negro ; "I always dors, 7ioss .'" Taking a PoiniCAL I.icfnkb. In a church. ynrd in tho North England is an epitaph oa j(,,n Xewtown; "Here lies (alas !) and moro's the pity, All that remains of John New city." The poet very handsomely acknow ledges ''ma poetical license he has taken in the 'following nota icne : "The man's name was Ncwrs rt, which wojld not rhyme." Nr.w FrotiT A tavern 'Keeper in Ing ts lnnd advertises a fatliog to be pucsxed for nla. dollar a gtiess ; the pucsser guessing nearest the weight of the hog to have him. We guess tii is new game of skill will de adopted by that incorrigible g.imester, old John Bull, and guess ing become as much in vogue throughout tha old England as it has been in the naw. Ten CnF.AMs. I.nst winter, it is said, a zc:t floated down the Mississippi on a piece of ice and became so cold that she has milked nothie bet ice-creams ever since. Instinct. It tins been observed thai soma rpiders, with instinctive sagncity, select as places ot the greater security from disturbance the lidsof the charity boxes ifi churches. A Tarty. 'Ma, may I go to Gersh,-,i;t tinmen' party this afternoon J' 'l'.irty ! iv- dear ; his mother don't keep house ; how ii it ho can have a party V He's paintr to Kr, it in anall er hoy's entry ma.' 'Well, leso tuiirl and keep your clothes clean.' "Do you keep pins and needles V' inqu'' a strapping fellow the ether day at a dry ,, store. "Ye?, all sorts of pins and nccdleV replied , j,tor, keeper. "Then I'll take some ten pint .nd some trr- Dr. Hcnniker being er.c day ir, ennverr '.'i m with lird Chatham, was askrti ,y lordship to define wit. "Wit," rer;ll(Mi .;,e ,h,ctor, "is - ' ''k" wliatn pension wo-,,1,1 be, given by your ; hrdsiup ,o your Huin.00 servant, a good tiling, wcV. aVplicd." I . b t !U -'0,,,nn 'nwJ't,r. h0"S onco n"'e" A - - a r i Whn W0Vk might be done una holy day replied, ''11' which if left undone, would occu-tot. r;.is.chief" A clergytnan was censurincr a young ledy for ! ,Vlt ',acm, "Why." replied tho ' "you cou!d"not surely rccommeud t 1 , ,.., n;ct,m a-lm rlcri i io jour parisiionirs. ,L 'r) - A philosopher bein- asked what ' 1 ' . . young lady. I tOOSE HAITt Lman smiled. A philosopher being asked what wbb the firs' .... -.l. .1 c. .. nn lurs. 1 A great many anecdotes are related of perso nal brucry. Wo would like too see that ma" I whn would deliberately allow a woman to c!ch i ! him making mouths at her baby. Tho mcchaivc who is a.iliained of hisaprcr. or tho farmer who is ashamed of his frock, 1 hiiiK-tlt'a tdiamcto his profession. The most disagreeable situation for a worth' mnn, is to be unable to reconcile his heart an : his conduct. Why is a bustle like a romance 1 D y give it up! II 'cause it is a tuil of fa.ii,. founded on a ttrrn reality. Whut is that which makes every ouo sick La t:.oe who swallow il! Flattery. 9
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers