i jm... l.i. li-Jj!;lM."-lXMiwa!g
ti'.iuis of Tin "Aiur.mcAX'
T. n. MASSF.K, 1 rHLinnf.m Ann
JOSEril EISE1.Y. S PnorBtKToni.
If. it. IMS.SEtt, Editor.
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Siiitbury, Koi'tliuiiilcHaiil to. Pa. Saturday, April 20, IS 1 1.
Vol. 4--o. aOM'holo o,
BMomxfs s r t n t t v a i-1 7. r. n,
FROM KIlfKIW.'s CCSI-KI. SONNfTS.
M'e are fir fioni advocating such ii)tiMnpr;itr I
use, cither of th.-pipe, segars without the pip-.
or tobacco in other forms, as we have seen. J
Hot the followine is a quaint st rt nji of useful i
thoughts. The author was a man of undo.ibt-
r,1 piety and creat religions inlluenee in Ins J Julin, 'do Von think thnt anv one should be do
day : son of the celebrated l!alrh Ersk.ne, no- , ,, W(trU f'r ft ,ivin(T
phoned for his bold dissent from the Scottish ni)r(.rtninv ,, ,,Ml , Mo to see then,
church in HHiJ. and brother to l-.lifirer l.rs- .
kine, nil equally celebrated Seoth secedcr.
The author of the following also published va
rious sermons and other works.
This Indian weed now w ithered quite.
Though meen at noon, rut down at ni;:ht,
Shews thy d cay ;
All lleli is bay.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.
The pipe, so lilv-like and wait.
Does thus thy mortal state bespeak.
Thon'rt even such ;
(lone with a touch.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.
And when the smoke ascends on high.
Then thou behold s! the vanity
Of woildly stiitf,
( lone with a pull".
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.
And when the pipe crows foul within,
Think on thy soul di-lil'd with sin ;
For then the f.re
It doth require.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.
And sect the ashes cast away ?
Then to thyself, thou (well; tuaycst say,
That to the dust,
TJ turn tiioi- nnwt.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.
From the Qswegn Whig.
TIIK FIII.VTKU.
jnow ye tho printer's hour of peace 1
Know ye an hour more fraught w ith joy
'Than ever felt the maid of ( ireei-e
When kissed by Venus' dnfrous. boy?
"J" is not when news of di e.idlul Jinfe
1 lis columns all wi'h minion till ;
:Tis not when brother printers quote
'J he eli'u.-inn of his stump-worn quill.
'Tisnot when in Miss Fancy's hiss,
I.oii" advertisements livel his eye.
And si-eio to whiper as they pa.s.
We'll rare your columns by and-hy,
Nor is it when with nntu'rou names,
llis lciijlhened re!l of v.llum swells.
As it 'twas touched by conj rer s wane,
Or rew by l.iiry's niaiic spells.
N'o. reader, no. the printei's hoar
llis hour of real sweet repo-e,
Is not wli"ii. by some in.iLiic power,
Ills li.-t of patio. l.i daily ylOW s
lut. oh! 'tis wh 'ii stern winter dienr
Cem.-s robed in sue.. v and rain and vapor. '
lie bears, in vhi.-ptrs sott and clear,
We'l l came to pay uu fur thepnjKr '
I. K H All W II I Kli F.US,
As o'er their w ine and v.ainnts fat,
Tall.in? of this and then of that.
'Two wiirhts. well b-aineil in the law
Tii.it is, well skilled to f.n.l a flaw
f-'.iid one i fir.paiurii to ihe otner.
"How is it. mo.-1 respected brother.
That you of late have r-baven nw.iy
'Those whiskers wn'ch for many a day
Had ovr.ar.ienled much your cheek ?
Sine, 'twas an idle, silly freak "
To w bom the other answer gave,
"XV il ii look half rneivy and half era ve-
"Thoupii others be by vhisk"is graced,
.1 tiwr;tr tnn't If fin bin fired .'
Xow tell n;e w hy.' the ether cried,
'In whiskers jo:i take so much pride;
Why such a n:as of .'?.v.ij;e "nair,
Vii your 'face divine' you wear ?''
To w hom the other answer pave,
T itii look hall' merry and half grave.
'For the fame reason that you say
Caused you to fchave yours all away :
Though some by whiskers are not graced,
A lawyer can't be too lltar fueed '
Max, hwu Soi'Tiiv, is a dupeable animal
. ,. . ,
diciue, quacks in religion, and
, , .
( nicks in mt
quacks in polclics ; know this, and act upon
the knowledge. There is scarcely any one
w ho may nut, like a trout, be taken by tick
ling. A Nrw Fkatire. The New Orleans Pica
vune eavs . "Everv dav brings e-nfitn;P..
r W ..
new. In "popping the n;:etion" noW u,c
ktneken individUal, i.- ofs8yinfff .iMlTO(
will you ma-r me y exclaims, 'Miss, are you
'.wfiVir of annexation 1"
Vrom thr Lowell Offering.
TIIK l'ACTOIIV IJIUI..
'Who is thai bountiful girl yonder !' ashed
Julia Stanwood of her friend, Ellon Morley, ns
thpy stood nt n window in the brilliantly light-
eil parlor of Mr. Seymour.
'What the one who stands opposite us, who
is dressed so plainly !' asked Ellon.
'Tho same,' wn the reply. 'I feci cotisi-
drr.'ibly curious to know who she is.'
And F presume it wi'l bo increased when I
toll you that she is a factory a. ill," was tho
FllrPrnj, reply.
,NV) 7 J;,," Il0W .. k ,
know their place, and not be always putting
themselves forward as though they were some
i body.'
1 'And nte they not fouvhothj, as you please to
1 term it !' asked Julia.
j 'Oil. yes certainly was the From fill reply ; 'or
I suppose they would be if'youcoi.ld Imveyoir
J will about it. I suppose yon would have the
! merchant's daughter stoop to associate with the
' ignorant and vulvar fictory girl, but I sh.tll ne
; verdoit; and I do not think Mr. Seymour
I shouid udu.it n girl of her standing to a jilace
like this, even if she is his ncice.'
i 'Well, J'llen, as the subject is painful to yon,
; we will drop it. at once ; anil see, yonder comes
, your brother, who, I think by his looks has
something' to communicate.'
j '(mod evening, M'ss Slauwood,' said Mr.
! Morley, ns he approached the window ; and af
j ter remarking upon the beauty of the evening,
j turned and asked if they had been introduced to
i the belle ot the evening.
'To whom do you refer !' asked F.Ilen 'I
1 do not know that I have noticed that one has
i received any more attention than another.'
! 'Is it po--ib!e that von have not noticed the
: presence of a stranger 1 asked F.dward.
I 'Ifyou mean the factory girl, I hare fern
( her' was tho reply ; but I did not know that
j she had received any marked attention; she
lias not from me any way.'
j 'Why, sister how can you spook so lightly of
j M iss Kmuions ; hut permit nic to introduce you
' toher.and I am euic your opinion will be chan
! B"-'
j 'I do not rrnrr. an acquaintance with her,'
j was the haughty reply ; 'hut if you are dei
I reus of giving me an introduction to her, I have
j no objection.' And taking hid arm she crossed
, the fcetn to (I. e place where Mts F, unions
, stood. She had before been charmed by her
; beauty, though unw.lling to own it; tint from
; the tune of her introduction a burning jealousy
j took possc.-sioil of her heart ; she feared that
: she shoe.hl now have a rival, for she had before
j been the reigning nttroct ion, anil could i;ut hour
; that another should usurp her place.
! A short time afterward Julia Stanwood recei
: ved an introduction to her; ami alter that eveu
! inq they wove hriMini friends. Julia bad tlu.t.
; evening obtained an msigl't into KlletiV char
actor, which was stilTicicnl to assure her tliat
; her friendship would be of little value.
Julia was not the only one w ho had enticed
I'T nnkiudness to the lovely girl. El ward
Motley had not been an inditl'i-rent witness to
; ins sister s ru.ton-ss. nnd he was surprised that
o:n- iMiom ne loye.i so wop, one t'nt he hail
' deemed so nearly perfect, should be guilty of
: such conduct,
With ho excepl ion ofthe above incident, the
I evening passed away pleasantly to nil parties,
' nnd they returned to their houses well pleased
, with thr evening's entertainment,
j Mr. Emmons was a wealthy merchant in
the city of New urlc, who had married ut t!i"
ago of twenty-one, Ihe youngest sister of Mr.
! SeVmour, a lovely girl of eighteen. Mary was
their only child, nnd their love tor her was m ar
ly nllivd to idolatry. Hy a sudden reverse of
iine liis property was swept away, and his
i Ihuii!) reduced to beggary. This was too much
, tor his proud spirit ; and, sinking into a rapid
, , , . i .i , . .iv
i dceone, he fniu niimhered in the dust. 1 heir
, nidden change or fortune, and the death of her
I i... i i i ..... ..t w .. . ... ... .1
husband followed each other so o-iick'v, that
Mrs. Euinions also fell a victim to disc;;.', and,
in less than three iiMtiths after the death of her
j hushnr.d, the grave Was opened to receive her
lifeless remains ( and Mary was !ctt an orphan
at the age of seventeen.
On hearing the dad news of the misfortune
which had just befallen them, Mr. Seymour lias-
j tened to New York, and arrived there just in
! time tu see the dying struggles ot the sister,
; , . , , , , , ,
i and take the lovely orphan under li s care. She
ly orpl
returned with him to his home, and accepted
his kind invitation to make it hers.
As the hearts of Mr. an i Vlrs. Seymour were
still bleeding un rX tllC rcCPIlt Bfl.c,j.,.,0 cf iho
death -JJ Uu,ir ot)y cr,ild, their txiVuctlons faUn-
ed upon this new object with ii.ereiisf'J strength
After remaining with them a year, s,'ll9 expres
sed a wibh to go to the fucury. They at flrt
attempted to dissuade ier from if, but she was
so earnefct iq her douire, that they titwliy euu-
united, ng she promised to ri'turn in a yenr.
During' her absence, as Mr. Seymour had busi
ness of importance in anotln-r p'irt of that stale,
ho removed to a town about eighty miles from
his former residence.
AMheendol the yenr Mary returned; nnd
wishing to introduce her to society, tin; party in
which wft have first presented her to notice,
was given for that purpose.
We will now pass over the period of three
months; during which time rummer had relin- !
quislied its lovely flowers for the sere (tdiage
of autumn. A cheerful firo was burning in'the
frale, in the back parlor of Mr. Seymour's man
sion. Mil ward Morley was seated upon the so
fa, bedding the hand of Marv Ivnmotis, and look
ing into her lace with an intense anxiety, ns if I
wnitin? for n sentenceof life or death.
At length she spoke nnd her voice trembled
like the aspen leaf as she answered, 'Mr. Mor
ley, I respect, nay I love yon, but under exis
ting ciicumstances, 1 ran never be yours !'
'And what, dear Mary, hascauscd this change
in Jove.'
'.Say not change,' she hastily replied, 'that
is unchanged unchangeable; but yon know
ll. r.,rlin. r c;.i. I......,.! .., ...! I ,
never could he happy in the vnhnrrincss of a- j
nother.' j
't know,' he answered sorrowfully, 'that fho j
has treated you with nnkiudness '; but it this i
can be overcome, will you then consent to be '
,nin0 ;
'I will,' was t!ie calm reply.
Wii bout saying another word, he took his
hat from the table and departed. When he
reached his home he found his sister alone in
the setting room. Sealing himself beside her,
he introduced the subject by telling her ofthe
prospects w hich he feared she had blighted for
ever. As he continued a frown gathered upon
her brow, nnd a hasty exclamation rose to her
li; but when he told her of the sacrifices
which the self-denying girl was about to make
to pride, her better feelings triumphed; nnd
covering her face with her hands, the pround
and haughty girl wept in bitterness of spirit.
Hastily rising she opened her writmg-desk,
nnd taking a pen wrote a note, and handed it :
to her brother saying, 'I cannot, goto her. but
give hrr this and tell her that to-inorrow I will
see her.' !
My sister, yenr ronscienco will reward you ;
for this, said ho ns he closed the door, nnd hast
ily retraced his steps. Without stopping to
ring for adinit'nnee, he entered and found Ma
ry sitting in the parlor where he bad letl her.
Traces of tears w ere visible on her cheok.'.btit
a smile quickly succeeded, as she saw the ex
pression of joy upon his countenance. Taking
the iicie from his lined, she perused it : nnd
then, looking him steadliistly in the face, asked
him if he believed it was the language of sin
cerity. 'Yes,' was the reply, 'and 1 know that she will
be proud ot such a sister.'
Iii we will here leave thcrn to the enjoy-
tnent of their new found happiness, for the scene
is too sacred for the eye of strangers.
A few days afierwai.l, Mrs. Seymour wns bit-
sily engaged in ornamenting a bride's cake, nnd
Mary Emmons and Ellen Morley were .rim-
minga white fatin dress, when a letter was
broj.,,t in ni, to Mary, who hastily pc
..,., i :, ,,,i t.,;,i n t,.,. i,..v
'Well,' said E'len, ! think you are rather sly
wilh your letter ; hut if I cannot lime the pr
ivilege o! reading it, I shall take the Y-inkee's
privile of guessing, find I guess that il came
from I.oweil.'
Wi ll I ratiier guess tint yoM have g-tesscd
right ; nnd ns yon vre si good at guessing I
! ejar-s- I will let you read it,' replied .Mary,
i laughiti".
'Well, Ellen, w hit do you think of my f.ieto
ry friend, askeJ Mury, os Ellen rcturc.ed the
letter.
.V,dl, Mary to tell y.vt the truth, I thinH she
j needs no better rceo,,no,da. em than her h g
nn associate of yours : but it'l -hotihi judge from
it- , .
this letter, I rhouM think that she. was one
i whom you might bo proud of.'
.... . .. ...
'Thank von li'i the compliment,' sai I Mary,
lalighif g,' and I nm proud of her, ne,,l of n:i.
others tiieie ; nod I s'.all net soon forget tin ir
kindness to me wlicn I was a stranger among
Ihem.' '
Mary was true to her promise, nnd as a mib -
stanti.il proof of their remembrance, they recei
ved a bhort time after this receipt of the above
letter, one from Mrs. Morley, accompanied ro
ller curd and a slice of cuke. And Lib',, jj. fm
ley never had occasion to regret that 'jrr ,ru.
ther haJ chocen lbr lus ce;nuani . c-.i
girl.
u IUW
r. a. l.
Ti'RMS or r.NDEAKME.vr. t'nele Moses h
P3r,'.lLuljr in his counsels to Eeui to beware of
the women, lie euys that he tried to court up
one once, and she called him all forts of foul
names. I.em inquired what those bi? iiuniea
m'ght be, 'Duck andthickyand euch' replitd
the vll bachelor, swelling up.
A COHI,Al.I.Gl STOMACH.
1 have been a stomach (or about forty years,
during all of which time I have endeavored to
do my duty faithfully nnd punctually. My
master, however, is so reckless, that I would
defy any stomarh of ordinary ability and capa
city to get along pleasantly with hfm. The
fact is, like almost, all other men, lie, in his
eating and drinking, considers his own plea
sure only, and never once reflects on She poor
"retch who has to be rc-Mii"ih!e for the dis
posnl of everything downstairs. Scarcely on
any day does In: fail to exceed the strict rule
of temperance; nay, there is scarcely a singlu
meal which is altogether what it ought to bo,
either in its constituents or itsgeneril amount.
')' therefore one id' continual worry and
tret; i am never oil '.he (irnitge trom morning
till night, nnd I hive not a moment in the
four-atid-twenty hours that 1 can cutely call my
own.
My greatest trial takes place in the evening,
when tny master has dined. Il you only saw
what a mess this sfl'd dinner is soup, fish, flesh,
fowl, ham, curry, rice, potatoes, tahlebi er, sher
ry, tarf, pudding-, cheese, bread, nil mixed up
niggieiv- f ggietv logr-m r. I am lieeustome
,,),il0 ,l''',-r' so ,""', r,',', ,""rh !'" ked ; but
m-v nns,, r himself would taint nt the sight.
"'""' "l'uty in ail rirrum-tnnres. I call
"'' l"rip,,, ""''ir Juice, and to it we set.
u ns ",,,, h '" wil1 if wr llfl(1 "' ""'"'l
agreeable task in tin; wcr'd before us. I!ut,
un'ui'k'ly, my master has an impression verv
firmly fixed up. u him, that our business is ant
In beval!y promcti c! l y an be.jror t wo's I'riok
ing : m he cont nines r,t table a niotovt his trie nils.
nnd jvnirs me i'ow n son e 1 rl! !e a nd a half of
w ine, perhaps of vnrii u serls, that hotl.ei (I t---tric
Juice and me to a lieyree w hich no one can
have any eofceptioii of. In ti.ct, this said wine
undoes our work almost ns fast ns we do i be
sides blinding Hud puisoniiii' us poor genii into
, the bargain. On many occasions I nm obliged
1 to give up my task for the time altogether ; lor
: while this vinous shower is goieror;, I would
; defy the most vigorous slonineh in the world to
! make nny ndvance in its business worth speak
i inr of. Sometimes things go to a much rrcn'-
pr n, (1.ll(,r . nv n)aHt,r ,vi
m in ,lls innllPr fr h.nrs. not nl
wny!.' indeed with wine, b-.t occasionally will,
pmich, one ingredient of which, the lemon, is
.nieularlv odms tons miui-'ers of the interior
All tl.i.i time I ran hear him jollifying nway at
a great rate, drinking health to his neighbors,
and ruining his own. My only relief trom such
visitation!) is usually derived from cofiee or tea,
two oh) steady allies, (or whom I have a great
regard. A cup of either of ihese beer.nes
generally hi los wonderfully to dispose of the
crude win"-drer.i'l.e;l nm-s which I have in
hands, nnd eiuib'es me to get the field cleared
in time for next aeti.ei.
i:
Ysit.. SiCiie er.i-'vol bi.-heh r
has uttered the fo'lowieg s'nmli rs ep.ui the
girl-. We
rl.-m't
,i-r. t ciulo-s
ot them we
j "They think of Hymen, and enn't help sigh-
When their hn -Vs or i',e tb- ni they
e.in'l help crying. 1 hey sit nt the w ind.e.v and
can't help sp ing into private matters they
' rati t help prying. In g.-t each a Loan tti"V
rA help try in
When together tiieit
i'dp plying. At the mirror.
; tongues tliey can t
tuc mirror they rau't hi lp fvi: -ling nnd nrn-
log and t ing. j ,n y screw up their c
bring on deep coiisuir.p'. i-'.n, mid can't !".i
ing-. i'-tir.t tf.
r-ets,
I lV
) ,t,t t,. .-I. .,'..., i , ,,i ' -,. ,m. -n
rea-on is iilain thev h i" e !i"'v!v t i'art'. their
f!ocii ir.es and iu:'f.d their dotln'S. They cati li j
fold and there i: n i one to make snge tea ; een- (
sequent'' they drop off. j
II" tl;ni loves for bea"tv, w ill rer.se tol. '.e ,
when benity ta les; win!
fei i,i that Wore i
,,f";7' 'j'',y. "",?( n. , "J''" '"""""r"1
"XZTX fi'-Hed ,e
! , ,' .' ., . .,. ' '
'pnii hre, an - w lUi.nt, I j: 1 1 w '!ih::i on tioirup-
' '
. , , .,
-v 'Ttt'.or nte r.r- (t: os, ' .ir, i ,.'.i;-cr a li'.n's
g i id p;ts to light '.tputi t!
res.
i ,,'-,! v.i.m.iis. '' ' yuu p iv a
s.t, m-.l are l- n! tin t! ,iriwing-re-.i, fill
j y.tir f.vk. t b.h.k it ,.,. riir,i bi-V.-l. Leuvo
i ,,'i,'ra a'10111 '.arioui place; oil jour way
home.
I ioosK Stoh . It is stated that some tiir.)
i fcince, sonic nu n t.s.k twenty-one geese, from a
' firm ynid in Enghind, belonging to a Mr.
I White. A gander whiidi belonged To the flock,
wasfou.td next inoming with a big tied round
his neck, containing twenty-one pence, and llie
following poetic excuse written on a slip of pa
per:
Dear Mister White,
We wish you good nicht,
W'c arc sorry we cannot stay longer ;
We have t..ken twenty-one geese,
At a penny a piece,
Arid left the amount witl.thv gander
Colonel Crocket In a Clnnndary.
"I never but onre," Mid the Colonel, "wns
in what I call a real genuine qunnd-ary. It tvaa
during my electioneering campaign for Con
gress ; at which time t etrolled about in the
woods so particularly pestered by politics, thnt
I forgot my rifle. Any mnn may forgot his ti
tle, you know ; but it isn't every man can
make amends for his forgetfulness by his in
venlive faculties, 1 guess. It chanced ni? I was
strolling nlonsr, considerable deep in Congrrs
sionals, tho first thing that took my fancy was
the snarling of some yonng bears, which pro
ceeded from ft. hollow free ; the entrance being
more than forty feet from the ground. mount
ed the tree; but I soon found that I could not
reach the cubs with my liands, so I went, feet
I'ormost, to see if I could draw them out with
tny to.s. I bung nn nt the tb,i of the hole,
straining with all my might to reach them, un
til at Inst my hands slipped, and down 1 went,
more than twenty feet to the bottom of that
black hole, and there I found myself almost hip
deep in a family of young hears. I soon found
that I might as v.cll undertake to climb up the
grensist part of a rainbow, as to gpt back, the
hole in the tree being so large, nnd its sides st
smooth and slippery from the rain. Now this
v as a real, genuine, regular quand-ary If
so he I was to shout it would have been doubt
ful whether they would hear mo at the settle
ment ; and if they diit hear me, the story would
ruin my election, for they were a quantity too
cute to vote for o tnn that Htid ventured into
lace that he couhl'nt get himself out of.
Well, now, while I was calculating whether
it w ns best to shout for help, or to Wait in the
hob-:mt il after tho election, I heird a kind of
' 1,1,1, ling and grumbling over brad; and, look
ing up, saw the old bear coming down stem fir
teoM upon me. My motto is always 'go a
b.M.l!' nnd ns soon ns she liad lowered herself
within tny leach I got a tight grip of her tail
in my !e!l hand, and w ith my little hitck-horn-bafted
penknife in Ihe other, I commenced spur
rieg her forward. I'll be shot if ever member
of Congress rose quicker in the world than I
did ! She took me oat in the shuke of a laniVs
tail."
f-;;nire S., of our village, has a very saga
cii us dog. He sits up like a rnan in a chair,
allows you to put a hat upon his head and a ci
gar in his month, and if any bystander chances
to give him a fip or a U-vy, the dog's owner is
the only person who can get it from him again.
IVesf. Uep.
A remarkably Fagacious animal, truly, but
not s.i good a financ or as the elephant we have j
heard of, who took in money on very special (
deposit.
'That's a wrry knowin' hanimel of yours, is
be r ,-aid a cockney gentleman to the keeper
ofthe elephant in question.
Very,' was the cool rejoinder.
He performs strange tric!;s hand 'inn ics, i
ikes be!' inquired the cockney, eyeing the an
imal through his glass.
SurprisiV !' retorted the keeper, 'we've
loavit him fo put money in that box you see
way up there. Try him with a dollar.' The
crrluiey handed the elephant f. dollar, and sure
;h, he took it in I, is trunk and placed it in a
IkiX high up out of reach.
'Well, that is wery hextraordinary haston
Uhin" truly V said the green one, opening his
yes. 'Now, let's see him take it out and 'and
it h ii k.'
' H'r neivr learns him that triih,' rclortcd
t'ie keeper, with a roguish leer, nnd then turn
' ed away to stir Cn the monkeys and punch the
! I
o. ems.
r.?jm Work. A vjrv eccentric clnrvmes
n.eied David Jones, who flourished in Goiha.i j
a few vears since, was n-.ss,n(r tl,roor, 'rirond'
' I 13 "r-" -
ar one morning, at an early hocr, wher, no
war rtartledby n Voice, apparenMy issu; hit fr.,n
j t!..; gutter, crying, 'Good morniti-;-, neighbor
l"T ' 0tthy KM '
Ion, h neighbor,' nr.d at b.,t discovered an eb-
: . n---.ii .
I ' -ft wallowing :n the Verif.el. Who is it,' said
' he, nhat ca'.Ta hip neighbor Jones!' 'Why
' , .. ,. . .
that cal.a hip neighbor Jones!' 'Why
ii-1. , ,,i,i ,- .n.floi.r ... . . i
. uov..,l(.L.l mc . , 11U com ei leu mc iiie ; tiling necessary 10 win me nve in a moiouh, uh
'.. Sunday ; Converted you! Oh yes : swered a suit of fine clothes, and a few do!-
very prnhab'e you look just like a piece of my
l' ' work. If ('od had converted you, I
thuuld'ut have found you in the gutter 1'
To rnom-i'K a i.Kjt io from two pomps.
Take two decanters, one containing pert, and
the other sherry. Knock thorn forcibly teve
rnl times against: eich other, and a liquid, will
i be iir.uu'uiatcly pr.Kluct'J
j pI VT lJVI:s.A Yankee lover once
told his mi.-tress that it he had us many livtsa
riutumtt, he would risk them all for hrr.
r.ni'AiTi ox AVARiciors mf.x.
At rest b.'in uth this eliiiri'h-) aid tone
Lie stingy Jciiiiiiy Wyatt
He died one morning j n.-t ut ten,
And saved a diniici by it
ArrrcTATtOH ExIRaorpinaht. "Manrnin,
pxclaimed a beautiful girl, who had FuffercJ af
fectation to obscure the litt'a intellect she. 'Jin
sesscd, "what is that long grectt thing
the dish before you!"
"A encumber, my beloved Georgians," re
plied the mamma, with a bland smile of appro
bation on her darling' commendable curiosity.
"A cucumber! gracious poodncss, my dear
mamma, how very extraordinary ! 1 always
imagined, until this moment, that they greV
in slices i"
To mark a mimic TEMpf.st. Before the?
tea things go out, tie a stout coTd across thij
kitchen stairs, aliout nine inches from tha
ground. Strew orange peel on the hall fic.r,
place a tub of water on the first landing, lmr
nrss the yard dog to the coal scuttle, shut the
kitten np in the piano, ring the bell for the ser
vants, and then wail for the result.
A Western editor snys, that not Unitl his dy
ing day, not even then, will he give up th
great principles for which he is contending.
This chap holds on about n8 tenaciously as did
the negro wlio fouglit the Irishman in Philn
delphin.
"Ye black vagabond," said Paddy, "houlr! 'tp
and holler ennfT. I'll fight till I die."
"So Will I," sung out the negro ; "I always
dors, 7ioss .'"
Taking a PoiniCAL I.icfnkb. In a church.
ynrd in tho North England is an epitaph oa
j(,,n Xewtown;
"Here lies (alas !) and moro's the pity,
All that remains of John New city."
The poet very handsomely acknow ledges ''ma
poetical license he has taken in the 'following
nota icne :
"The man's name was Ncwrs rt, which
wojld not rhyme."
Nr.w FrotiT A tavern 'Keeper in Ing ts
lnnd advertises a fatliog to be pucsxed for nla.
dollar a gtiess ; the pucsser guessing nearest
the weight of the hog to have him. We guess
tii is new game of skill will de adopted by that
incorrigible g.imester, old John Bull, and guess
ing become as much in vogue throughout tha
old England as it has been in the naw.
Ten CnF.AMs. I.nst winter, it is said, a zc:t
floated down the Mississippi on a piece of ice
and became so cold that she has milked nothie
bet ice-creams ever since.
Instinct. It tins been observed thai soma
rpiders, with instinctive sagncity, select as
places ot the greater security from disturbance
the lidsof the charity boxes ifi churches.
A Tarty. 'Ma, may I go to Gersh,-,i;t
tinmen' party this afternoon J' 'l'.irty ! iv-
dear ; his mother don't keep house ; how ii it
ho can have a party V He's paintr to Kr, it
in anall er hoy's entry ma.' 'Well, leso tuiirl
and keep your clothes clean.'
"Do you keep pins and needles V' inqu''
a strapping fellow the ether day at a dry ,,
store.
"Ye?, all sorts of pins and nccdleV replied
, j,tor, keeper.
"Then I'll take some ten pint .nd some trr-
Dr. Hcnniker being er.c day ir, ennverr '.'i m
with lird Chatham, was askrti ,y lordship
to define wit. "Wit," rer;ll(Mi .;,e ,h,ctor, "is
- ' ''k" wliatn pension wo-,,1,1 be, given by your
; hrdsiup ,o your Huin.00 servant, a good tiling,
wcV. aVplicd."
I . b t !U -'0,,,nn 'nwJ't,r. h0"S onco n"'e"
A - - a r i
Whn W0Vk might be done una holy day replied,
''11' which if left undone, would occu-tot.
r;.is.chief"
A clergytnan was censurincr a young ledy for
! ,Vlt ',acm, "Why." replied tho
' "you cou!d"not surely rccommeud t
1 , ,.., n;ct,m a-lm rlcri
i io jour parisiionirs. ,L 'r)
-
A philosopher bein- asked what
' 1 ' . .
young lady.
I tOOSE HAITt
Lman smiled.
A philosopher being asked what wbb the firs'
.... -.l. .1 c. .. nn
lurs.
1 A great many anecdotes are related of perso
nal brucry. Wo would like too see that ma"
I whn would deliberately allow a woman to c!ch
i
! him making mouths at her baby.
Tho mcchaivc who is a.iliained of hisaprcr.
or tho farmer who is ashamed of his frock, 1
hiiiK-tlt'a tdiamcto his profession.
The most disagreeable situation for a worth'
mnn, is to be unable to reconcile his heart an :
his conduct.
Why is a bustle like a romance 1 D y
give it up! II 'cause it is a tuil of fa.ii,.
founded on a ttrrn reality.
Whut is that which makes every ouo sick La
t:.oe who swallow il! Flattery.
9