Tiie Forest Republican U published every Wedanaday, by J. C. WENK. Office In Smearbaugh & Ca'i BuiUIin j KLMSTIIEBT, TIONE8TA, PA. Tenm, - l.ooler Year. No subscription received for shorter period than throe months. Correspondence solloito from all pirtt of ' lb oouutry. No noiloe will bo taken ol anonymous ooaimualaations. RATES OF ADVERTISING! One Square, one inch, one liuerttoo. .1 1 00 One Square, oue inch, one month . . 8 00 Oae Square, one inch, tUree months. . 5 00 One Square, one Inch, one year..... 10 ) 1 wo Squares, one yetr 15 00 Quarter Column, one year............ SU00 Half Column, one year. BO 00 One Column, one year 1U0UU Leal advertisement tea cent per line each insertion. Marriages and death notices gratis. All bill for yearly ad vertisetnenU collected quarterly Temporary advertisement must be paid in advance. Job work cash on deliver. Fore EPUBLICAN. VOL. XXXI. NO. 21. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 7, 1898. $1.00 PER ANNUM. R -A If thero are auy blowholes in Amer ican armor plate Spain can't prove it. Of 8700 American war pensioners residing in foreign countries at tbo time of the last report, tea only re sided in Spain. "Billiugsgate," to describe bad language, is uo longer a correct term, the vocnbnlury of London's great fish market having been improved by tho exertions of the London City Mission. It is said that a pal ion t in a Dela ware hospital had thirty-one epileptic ilts in two days and "apparently ex perienced no uuplcusaut effects from them." This socms to be a clear case of the survival of the fittest. The Loudon Saturday Review says: "Tbo lesson of all our conflicts with America wan that the American soldiers . and sailors shot markedly better than onr own and won astonishing victor ieH. It looks as if the old lesson holds good to-day." No higher tribute could be paid to a warship's crow than that paid by Captuiu Evaus to the men of the Iowa: "80 loug as tho ouoiny showed his flag they fought like American sen men, but when the flag came down they were as gentle and tender as American women." In that pregnant sentence is the wholo philosophy of military heroism. The recent establishment of a whale oil manufactory on Notre Dame Bay calls attention to tho fact that whaling is now a paying veuture off the coast of Newfoundland. Beceutly seven whales, worth nearly J 1000 caoh, were captured by a company of Norwegian whalers. A company has been formed to carry on the industry. This ought to make the old llshermen around Amagausett prick up their ears. Pos sibly tho old shipyard of Cold Spring Harbor, which lilted out the whalers of tho lust century, may resume busi- . noss. . 1. - - 1 The Philadelphia Commercial Mu seum says that Porto ltioo is well adapted by soil and climate not only for the growing of cotton, but for the manufacture of cotton fabrics as well, though for the growth of the plant it will be necessary to engage native labor or to secure help from Cuba. Of the more than one thousand streams upon the island sixty aro navigable, and many of them conld be utilized to furnish power, which is an important consideration, since all the coal used 'must be brought from this country; and all tho chief towns are connected by railway, though communication with the interior is only possible by ox teams. In speaking of the recent popular war lounthe Baltimore American says: Not since the wonderful alacrity with which, in July, 1871, tho French peasants and the working people of Paris went down into their stockings and subscribed in a day $400,000,000 to meet the first installments of tho big war iudomuity with which the German invader was bought out of France, has thero been so impressive a demonstration of the latent resources of a great natiou, or of its patriotic confidence in its Government. It will be to European Governments as signi ficant a proof of tho enormous re served strength of tho American peo ple as all our military and naval suc cesses put together, brilliant though : they are. The wealth of a nation and its ability to raise money within its own territory on moderate terms is a main element in its fighting capacity. '' More and more is the maohine en croaching upou tho fields where formerly the bamlworker held full sway, says the Dry Goods Economist. This not entirely now observation is suggested by our latest advices from Paris as to fall and winter styles. It seems that trimmings of all kinds will be profusely used in costume and gar ment decorations, and that this style has been brought about largely by the dressmakers in an endeavor to bring into popularity something thut could not be produced by machines. Judg ing from present reports, however, they reckoued without their host; for tho modern mechunical devices uro capable of reproducing even tho tiuest and most delicate designs wrought by the cuuning hand of the seamstress or maker of embroidery. Of com sc. there are some applications and figures that caunot be made on machines; but nevertheless such a high state of per fection hos been attained in this direo . tiou that thero is but precious little in his line that the machine caunot re produce with a fidelity to handwork that ia startling, and so close is the imitation in many instances that only the expert eye cun detect the difference. IN RUSTIC WAYS.' bt ban But M'oimr. 5K The blackbirds whistle all day long, I rhythmio gladness In their souk; knd night aud morning; down the lane Drifts by tbe cow-bells' rudo rufraln. The flicker dips on golden wings, lad far across tho mondow swings; The swallow skims la linns ot grace Like to the ourvos the palutors traco. above, below, and everywhere k sense of living thrills the air; Spring's mossage through the silence soot, With earth and wood uud sky is bluut, . , RESCUED FROM THE TRACK, s 13y MARY A. H Eudory!" cried Mrs. Stebbins in her high nasal voico, and the clat ter of spoons in the next room stop ped sudden ly, after which slight assurance that she was heard, Mrs. Htebbins commanded, botweon the energetio splashes of her churn: "I want you to come right out here an' put up the men's dinner an' take it down to 'em. They ain't goiu' to take the time to come home, 'cause father's foot is achin' this morula', an' he wants to git in all tbe hay afore the storm. Come along now! Them spoons is going to keep." There was no answer this time either, but the door was pushed far ther open, aud a girl came silently into the kitchen. llcr fingers were black, as if she had been cleauiug very dirty silver, and she walked over to the sink, poured some water into a tiu basin aud begau to wash them with a deliberate slowness which made her mother's tliin lips tighten and the churn fairly hop about tho floor with the vigor of her strokes. Mrs. Stebbius could not tolerate slowness. She conld not understand how it was possible for a person to be cither slow or silent, and nothing made her so angry as the exhibition of either characteristic iu her enly daughter a fact which I am 6orry to Bay Eudora discovered and mado use of at a very early ago. It was the ouly way iu which sbo could, us the expressed it, "get square" with her overbearing mother, and she had cul tivated it till the slight natural ten dencies iu those directions had be come actual habits. ' As she stood there now, seeming to wash aud dry each soparato finger by itself, she did not look like a person who would be trod upon without find iug some way to turn. She was dark, with a strong, hand some face, heavy brows that met above a very determined nose, a beautiful chin and bright, brown eyes, but the most notable thiug about her was her height. Tall, taken in the ordinary sense, would not describe her, for she stood six feet one iu the lowest heeled shoes she could buy, aud the neighbor declared that though over twenty she was growing yet a fact which filled her pareuts with pride, her brother with envy and herself with fierce rebellion. Hue detestod the curious looks that followed her when she went to town, the inevitable jokes about the state of the atmosphere "up where sho was, ' and references to "the long and the short of it" or the probable diminutive height of the man sho would marry. Hue was thinking of it now, as she saw how far she had to stoop to reach the basin, and the little fit of auger attendant on tho thought made her even moro deliberate than usual, so that at last Mrs. Stebbius broke forth iu spite of herself. "You've took five minutes for every finger now," she exclaimod wrathfully. "If you wash the palms the same way, I'll be able to do the butter aud git down to th' field ahid of you. If it takes all big things so loug to move, I'm glad the boys didn't grow no more!" Eudora flushed and threw out tho water with a more hurried motiou. That last was the only taunt that ever had the least effect upon her. Then she went into the pantry a?d began to cut a loaf of bread. "You better cut it all," her mother called, " 'cause there's four of them to-day pa's got Joe Sampson helpiu', too an don't forgit to leave the mustard out o' Joe's sandwiches, either. Put in lots of pickles, and take the apple pio Eu-do-ry! Do you ho-ar me?" as uo sound but tho rattlo of dishes came from the depths of the breezy pautry. "Yes,x ma," said Eudora, shortly, and for a few minutes the churn had the floor entirely to itself. But presently Mrs. Stebbius broke out again. "What'd you get them spoons out for anyway?" she demanded. "If plated nns aiu't good enough for Gus Sanderly, why he'd better stay away, that's all. lie ain't no better'n my boys cr Joe Sampson. If you ouly wasn't so plumb cracked on height, you'd know there wasn't as much good in the hull length of him as in little Joe"s thumb nail. Eu-do-ry, do you he-ar me?" "Yes, ma," said Eudora, and silence reigned once more. In a moment she came out of the pantry, carrying a big tin pail full of dinner, and set it quietly down on tho table. Her mother looked up to see if there were any signs of wrath in the girl's (ace, but was met by the quiet blank- Ml The hedge-row blossom stains tbe sod, Tbe south winds uiake the grasses nod, Aud woolly lambs In awkward play Down the groen blllsldo ambling stray. Along the blue horlzon-rlm The lights and shadows link or swim, And punollod faintly on tho skies A ghostly balf-moon's crescent lies. The blackbirds chant the whole day long, A rythmic madness in tbelr song; And dusk and duwo along the lauo Echoes the cow-bells' rude refrain. Ladies' Home Journal. DICKERSON. ness that always exasperated her. "I wish you wouldn't go round looking like sich a graven image," she ejaculated. "You won't catch auy feller at all if you don't look out. You better make some giuger water to take down too. It's awful hot to-day, an', mind you, if you ask Gus Sanderly up to tea to-morrow, I'm goiu' to ask Joe Sampson too," and theu nothing more was said as Eudora took down her old sun hat from behind the kitchen door and, taking the pail iu one hand aud the pitcher iu the other, stepped slowly out iuto the warm light of the glowing slimmer noon. When the house was hidden behind the turn of the little lane, she stopped a moment to set her burdens down. But she rose agaiu, stretching out her lithe yonug figure with a feeling of Utter freedom and relief. She found her head well up in the low hung bows of a stanch old opplo-tree, whose twigs slapped saucily at her cheeks and sent the big hat flying rakishly down over the tip of her determined nose. She gave au angry little cry, and as she disentangled herself her face flushed hotly. "That's it," she cried, "always my height my awful height! What other girl is there in this whole State who has to walk around with her head up iuto the trees? And it's just so every way I wish ma would be sensible about Gus Sanderly. Goodness knows I don't think he's much to brag of either, but can't she see he's the ouly fellow rouud I don't look silly with? If there was only an inch or two dif ference between Joe and me now but a whole foot," and as she nicked up the pail and pitcher oncmore she gave a really tragio little groan, for Joe Sampson, tho only son and heir of their next door neighbor, was gen erally acknowledged to be the hand somest, "smartest" aud best young man iu the couuty, aud a devoted ad mirer of Eudora Stebbins only, aud it was a very big only, too, as Eudora was the tallest girl for miles arouud, so ho was the shortest man, measuring but five feet one in the very highest heeled boots that ho could by auy moans buy or wear. Eudora had remarked after he had takeu her home from a party one night that she felt very much like pioking him up in her arms and telling him "not to bo scared of the dark she'd corry him safe homo," aud after that night sho systematically refused to walk or dauce or ride with him under any circumstances, by daylight or by dark, so causing the poor little man great anguish of soul. Ho knew just as well as she did how ridiculous they looked together, aud his hoight was even a greater cross to him thau hers was to her, but he was quite willing to sacrifice these personal feelings on the altar of his love, and he thought she might bo, too. But Eudora was firm, aud drove both Joe aud her family nearly frantic by her evident preferonco for the lazy bones of the town gigautio Gus Sanderly, who allowed his mother to support him from tho proceeds of her little candy store, and accepted the worship of silly young women as if it had been his by divine right. At present he had really done Eu dora the houor to fall slightly in love with her, and she was not at all sur prised when at the next turn of the winding country lane a tall, broad fig ure rose from the corner of the snake fence and, do (Dug its correct straw hat, came quickly toward her. "I thought you'd be coming down to-day," he said in his soft, deep voice. "Let me carry those things for you well, the pitcher anyway," aud as she let him take it from her she looked up iuto his lazy blue eyes with a feeling of pleasurable relief. It was so good to be able to look up at anybody at all. lie was the only person sho knew with whom she could do it, and even if he had been the worst kind of a .bad fellow, which he was not by auy means, she would have enjoyed his company for that reason alone. They made a magnificent pair as they walked on side by side both so straight and tall, so handsome and so healthy, aud poor little Joe Sampson realized it with a sickening catch in his throat as he stopped to push his broad hat from his heated forehead aud saw them coming toward him. He had made his futher very angry that morning by insisting upon going over to help the Stebbiuses with their belated hay instead of going iuto town with a load of their own, and ho had done it simply because he knew the men would not be likely to leave the distant field for dinner and that iu that case Eudora would bring it down to them and wait until they were through, to carry back the pail and cups again, and he knew from former experiences how considerate Mr. Stebbius and the boys would be about leaving them alone, and that under those circumstances, away from all prying or joking eyes, Eudora would unbend and talk aud laugh and i 1 I be sweet aud friendly with him. Taking all this into account it is not to be wondered at that the sight of big Gus Sauderly, who was all he wished to bo and was not, walking down in close aud evidently pleasant converse with Eudora should turn all Joe's thoughts to bitter one's and make his handsome eyes grow dark with anger. He was not even molified when Eu dora produced the pilo of sandwiches made expressly for him, without a bit of mustard, or when she gave him the biggest quarter of the pie, and when the two visitors started to pick up the debris and journey back aguin to their own dinners ho determined to go along with them. Eudora was iu a mood that day which made this arraugement suit her very well. She thought it would be rather amusing to see the two men glare at each other a little louger, aud she even started homo by auother road in order to extend the episode. You see there are some things in feminine nature which do not not need cultivation or experience they come by nature. But, contrary to her expectations, talk languished, aud when tbey struck tho path that led along top of the rail road cut and the chimneys of the Steb bius house rose up almost beside them nobody was saying anything at all. But as they rounded a sudden curve Eudora guve a little start of surprise "Why," she cried, "there's Daddy Hunt down on the track! How do yon ever suppose he got there?" Daddy Hunt was an old blind col ored mau who lived alone iu a tumble down hut near the railroad, refused to go to tho poorhouse and wpuld have died of starvation long before had it not been for Mrs. Stebbins, who was wont to declare that she hated beggars in general, never gave thein anything and hoped this one in particular would die, with the very same breath in which she asked what clotheB he needed or gave him the run of her or chard or kitchen garden. The old man stood in the middlo of the tracks, tapping fearfully about with his worn old cane and grasping by legs a lively and defiaut chicken, who was persistently doing her best to bewilder aud aunoy her present owner. "Guess he must have tumbled in," said Gus languidly, as he pointed to a place where the embankment gave evidence of a recent slide. "Hello, Daddy, where'd you steal .that chicken?" "I didn't steal him, " replied the old man indignantly, "Mis' Stebbins just dun gib him to me, au I wisht you nns 'd come down here aud kill him. I darsen't le' go m' stick, au he gits 'twe n m' legs so's I can't walk no how. Keep still dar!" Aud he gave the olfeuding fowl a shake which sent it into a series of frantic squawks and struggles. "Throw her away then, Daddy, she's no good," suggested Gus, aud the young folks laughed as the old man set up a loud aud indiguaut protest. But as the sound died away they turned to each other with strained white faces, for coming toward them was auother sound, aswittly rushiug roar that deafened every other noise about as it raug out from tho nar row cut below them. Daddy heard and understood it too. "De train, de train!" they heard him cry. "Which way, which way? and ho turned helplessly round aud round, groping iu his pitiful blind way with both stick and chicken. "To tho right, Daddy, to the right," cried Gus Sanderly wildly, as he leaned down over the bank, for each one knew it was too late now to climb down and lead him safely off. . Mechanically the old man turned, his bauds relaxed with fright, the chicken felt it, made a last dash for liberty, aud as he grasped to save her tho shutHiug feet stumbled, aud he fell just in the track of the advancing train. He was up iu a moment, but so frightened that as Gus shouted frantically at him to move, move but a yard and he would be safe, he merely turned his sightless eyes im ploringly toward the voico and stood silently facing them. Eudora saw the engine rushing rouud tho curve, then with a cry threw both arms before her face and sank down on the path, whilo Gus stood by her, motionless with fear and horror. And then, above the rush and roar and rattle of tho train, Eudora heard not the shriek of awful agony for which bIio waited, but a wildly ring ing cheer, and when sho looked again the cars were rushing swiftly by, and sho and Gus were standing all alone upou the bank for little Joe had vanished. "Where" sho began, and then she saw the train had passed, and she Baw him saw him lyiug helpless on the further track, side by side with Daddy Hunt, and the next moment she had slid, stumbled, rolled she knew not how - down the steep bank and was bending over him. "It was the bravest thiug I ever saw," Gus Sanderly was saying brokenly. "He jumped, yon kuow, just as the train was almost there, lie jumped right down before tho engine, aud the force of it knocked him and Daddy both safe over here. But, George it was a close shave," aud the big man gazed admiringly down at tho little one, who lay bruised and bat tered and almost senseless below. But old Daddy, though rather shaken was unhurt. "He uus saved my life," he admitted grumblingly, "but 'o might V been more gentle like about it 'o knocked dat chicken clean out'n my ban's an 'e's gonel" Eudora turned about with flashing eyes. "Daddy Hunt," she exclaimed, "if I ever hear you say anything like that again I'll never let ma give you another thing. Bemembernow! Mr. Sauderly, you help Daddy homo, I'll take care of Mr. Sampson." And I this time she really and truly did lift i her littlo lover up into her strong young arms, and, walking down to where the cut ended, just below nor own home, she disappeared from view, leaving big Gus stricken dumb with wonder and amazement. Not once did she falter. Past two grinning boys she stalked, past their curious "hired help," past her aston ished mother, never stopping till she had laid her precious burden down upon the sacred surface of the best spare bed. Then she leaned close over him with a strange new light in her dark eyes. "Joe," she said softly, "Joe, I don't think any more that it's the outside of a man that counts it's only what's in him. And and Joe I I think I'll have to marry you, after all, just to to take care of you, you know." And somehow, for all his broken arm, Joe Sampson "came to" with astounding rapidity. Cleveland Plain Dealer. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL The total area of the coal fields in the world is estimated at 471,800 square miles. The eyes of the birds that fly by night are generally about double the size of those of day birds. Experiments have been made show ing that a dark hair will bear a weight of 112 grammes, while a blonde hair tears if seventy-five gramme.) are at tached. The increased use of aluminum in the arts is being recorded constantly in the technical press, and possibly its most recent application is for print ers type. An Australian physician, C. J. Mar tin, has expressed his conviction that it will soon be possible to procure a serum that will neutralize the poison of snakes. A product resembling common wood en yarn is now being made iu Sweden from mixed peat fibre and wool in the proportion of seventy-live per cent, of the former. When subjected to great pressure wood pulp takes an extraordinary hardness. It has been found avail able as a material for paving bricks, drain tiling and conduits for electrio cables. According to the "nndulatory the ory," which is now generally accepted, light is the vibration, or undulatory motion, produced by a luminous body iu au elastio, weightless, everywhere proseut medium called ether. These waves travel at the rate of 183, (W0 miles a second. r A scientist has discovered that elec trical currents in the form of waves rapidly succeeding ono another can produce insensibility to pain and cold in tbe flesh, acting as an autcsthetio like ether. When the currents wefe applied to the finger and thumb by wires the fingor could be pricked with a pin without pain. The Dragon Fly. No one could fail to be struck with the singularly perfect adaptation of the iusect's structure to a life of aerial piracy. The four wings are large, and, in proportion to their weight, enorm ously strong. Each is supported by a wonderfully arranged network of slen der ribs, which give the uecessary rig idity to the thin, transparent mem brane forming its basis. The muscles by which the wings are moved are massive and powerful, and are so ar ranged among themselves that the ani mal is capable of steering Its course with an unerring accuracy which any bird might envy. In this power it is largely aided by a marvelous keenness of sight; for, in addition to the two great, gorgeously colored compound eyes which make up so much of the head, the insect possesses three small er "simple" eyes, making five eyes in all. The prey when overtaken is seized and devoured by means of powerful, sharply toothed jaws. An animal which lives such an active life naturally requires a very perfect breathing apparatus, and this is amply provided by a fcystem of holes on the sides of the body which opeu iuto au elaborate network of air tubes, ap plying every part of the system. The air in these tubes is constantly re newed by the regular compression and dilatation of the body by special mus cles. Chambers' Journal. Coffee la an Injurious Drink. In auswering a correspondent in the Ladies' Home Journal, Mrs. S. T. Borer writes that sho considers "coffee, as it is usually made iu the American family strong and from the pure bean an injurious drink, especially for nervous pooplo. No doubt the student to whom you refer can study better after taking a cup of coffeo, but the new energy is caused by a stimulant, the effects of which will soon pass off, leaving- him lower in nervous force. That is tbe reason he has headache and feols so misera ble when ho is without coffeo. If it in only the hot drink he requires why not take a cup of clear hot water or a cereal coffee? Children should driuk cold water. " lied. White and Itlue Tree. New Haven has a novel exhibition of the national colors. On oue of the avenues there is a plot of land with a frontage of perhaps 800 feet aud with a row of large trees extending along the eutire front. These trees have all been whitewashed from the ground up to a height of mybe eight feet. Around the top of the white trunk has boon laid a foot-wide band of red, theu comes a white baud of the same width, and below that a foot-wide band of blue. The bauds are painted on at a uniform height, aud this long unbroken line of large trees thus painted presents a striking appear ance. The treos in front of another place in the neighborhood, of less frontage, are painted iu like manner. New York Hun. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. That Same Old Gat A Setback Causa and Effect A Substitute Intellectual I'rlde No Option Cause For Shume Appreciated lie's the Ouly One, i.to There are things that can be hastened In this droll old world, we know; You can Imrry up a dinner, You can muke a motor go You can speed a train or vessel, Horse and wheol you niny control; But no plan has been invented Which will rush a lovers' stroll. Chicago llecord. A Setback. "Father, can't I go abroad and have my voico cultivated?" "No not for the world; it is bad enough now." Detroit Free Press. Intellectual Pride. ne "I suppose it's the prido of intellect, but I can't help despising a man that knows less than I do." "I don't see what else you could do." Life. Cause and Effect. "Doesn't Tompkins look quite oreezy this afternoon?" "Decidedly. I dare say his wife has been blowiug him up again." Philadelphia Bulletin. A Substitute. She "I shall never marry agaiu, bnt I think I shall adopt some orphan instead." The Rejected "Dear lady, how fortunate. I am au orphan." rick-Me-Up. No Option. Barber (pausing iu the mutilation) "Will you have a close shavo, sir?" Victim (with a gasp) "If I get out of this chair alive I shall certainly consider it a very close shave." Baltimore Jewish Comment. He's the Only One. "What an exceptional person that man Bigley is?" "In what way?" "He doesn't seem to know anybody that just missed going on that boot which was sunk." Chicago News. Cause For Miame. Perry Patettio "I have been on the road fer years, but I've never done anything to bo ashamed of." Wallace "I should think you would be ashamed of never doiug anything. " Cincinnati Enqnirer. Woman's Wit. Gorryman (at the mirror) "Put a monkey before the looking-glass, tbey say, and he will look behind it." Miss Sharpe "But a mau kuows better. He knows he won't find any thing funnier there thau the face ho sees before him." Appreciated. The Victim "Confound your im pudence! Trying to take a snap shot at me?" Amateur Photographer "I'vo got it, thauksl Much obligod for tho atti tudo and expression! It'll bo au iu-. teresting picture, I'm sure!" Puck. Looked That Way. The Comer-Bock "What has be oome of Billighoss? When I went away be scorned to bo a pretty big gun." The Stayer-at-IIomo "He dropped out of sight. I guess he was oue ot those disappearing guns." Cincinnati Enquirer. Preliminary Charge. ' Doctor "I have concluded to go to the war as a surgeon, and as a conse quence I need all tho money I cau col lect." Patient (examiniug bill) "If you charge the enemy as you havo mo, they will certainly retire in disorder." Boston Courier. Answering Mechanically. Judge "And what did the prisoner say when you told him that you would have him arrestod?" Complainant "He answered mo chanically, yer honor." Judge "Explain." Complaiuant "He hit mo ou tho head with a hammer." It Was Tough. Customer "If you evor soud me another piece of meat like the last ono, I'll take away my custom." Butcher "Whut's tho matter with it?" Customer "Why, it was so tough that when it was cooked I couldn't get my fork even into the gravy." Ho Had Forgotten. "As the immortal William otice said," remarked Priuce Henry," 'there's a divinity that shapes our ends, otigh hew them how wewill.'" "It cally, now, Heinrieh," suid th kaiser, as lie overheard tho remark of the prince, "that is quite clever, but when did I say it?"- -Cincinnati En quiror. Adopted to the Service Shopper "I seo thero ure no name plates on those bicycles." Dealer "No, they are a lot we have got out for kitchen maids and butlers." Shopper "For kitchen maids aud butlers?" Dealer "Yes. They'd bo sure to break the platos, you know; so we leave them off." Boston Transcript. An t'ngratrful Father. Father-iu-Law "Look here, young man, don't you think it's about time you wero going to work, or do you ex pect mo to support you tbo rest of your life?" Son-iu-Law "It would be no more than just, after what I have dono for you." Fathor-in-Law "I'd like to know what you ever done for me." Son-in-Law "Why. didn't I take your daughter off your bauds?" Chi cago News. JOLLY US ALONC When we, without or with desire, Are tangled tn the law, A lawyer, then, we needs must hire To And the needful (law. Our splendid case commands bis seal (Whether 't Is right or wrong); With writ, adjournment, stay, appeal, lie jollies us alongl When we perchance have fallen sick, And fever racks or pain, Then send we for the doctor, qutck, To bring us health again. . "A marvelous casol None ere so 1111" (Tbe same old cuckoo song); With lotion, mixture, poTTon.-plll, - lie jollies us alougl But Lawyer Sharp and Dr. Wise, Who work for needful pelf, Cun never hope to take the prize When matchod with one's own self. With power or wealth or fame in sight. We struggle In tbe throng; While hope keeps trimmed her luring light And jollies ns along! Hunter MacCulloch, la Fuck. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Walter "Did you give anything to the fresh air mission?" William "Yes, I sent them a draft." Ethel "Why is Bessie so angry with Tom?" Mae "He sent her a bunch of red and yellow roses. Softleigh "I woudah what makes mah eyes so weak?" Miss Mabel "They're in a weak place." lUfife. Marie "Then you don't care to listen to soft nothings?" Buth "Not unless they mean something." Puck. He never told his love. Later ad vices indicate that he wishes he had, instead of writing it. Cincinnati En quirer. "I guess it's nothing but an idle ru mor." "Idle? I guess not. It is the busiest old rumor that ever happened." Brooklyn Life. "I am summoned to another climb," said the bell boy as the indicator an nounced a call from the top floor. Philadelphia Record. Bacon "Are the flies so bad upyour way?" Egbert "J think not. A great many of them seem to go to church Sundays." Yonkers Statesman. "Maud married a man a good deal older than she, I hear." "Older? He is twice her real age and three times her given age." Indianapolis Jour nal. "I should think that you would hes itate about getting such au expensive present for your wife." "Not at all. If I hesitated I wouldn't get it." Life. "Come and have a quiet game ol tennis," said Johnson. "Can't," re plied Thompson; ''never could play tennis without a racket." Boston Bulletin. Jimmy "Is your annt on youi mother's or your futher's side?" Tom my "Sometimes on one aud some times the other. It depeuds on whe is getting the best of it." Tit-Bits. "Tell us," cried the group ol maidens, "how to remain always young and attractive." "That is easy," re plied tho sage. "Get a fortune and stay single." Indianapolis Journal. Visitor "I havo looked all through the history and catalogue and I can not find 'Great Naval Victories ol Spaiu." Librarian "You'll find il iu tbe fiction list." New York Jour nal. Mr. Watts "It seems queer that elephants should be so afraid of mice." Mrs. Watts "I dou't see anything queer iu it at all. The elephant is one of the most intelligent of quadrupeds." Cincinnati Tribune. Mr. Scrimp "My dear, I don't see how you had this counterfeit bill passed on you." Mrs. Scrimp "Well, you don't let me see enough real money to enable me to toll the differ ence." Harper's Bazar. Anxious Mother "How is it that you have so much trouble with your housekeeping? You told me yout wife could cook." Adult Son "She can." "Then what is the matter?" "She won't." Now York Weekly. "Bobby," cried Tadley to his young hopeful, angrily, "my father used to whip me when I behaved as badly at you are doing." "Well," answered Bobby, thonghtfully, "I hope I'll never havo to tell my little boy that." Truth. "What might be your business?" asked the passenger. "I am a writet of short tories, sir," replied his seat mate, with a touch of pride. "I place my work with whatever publication will accept it." "Oh, a sort of odd job feller, eh? I got a brother that makes his livin' that way, too. He is in the tinware mendin' trade." Locust Tozlu. An Euglish scientist who had been delegated by tho English Government to experimeut with locust toxin re ports as follows: As the inoculated locusts died they were kept aud dried aud afterward having beeu given time to mature they were ground into pow der. A swarm of locusts, which were two hours in passing, weut iuto a five acre mealio patch, aud some of these locusts were saturated with a solution from the ground-up powder and set loose again iu the swarm, which couple of days afterward was visibly affected. A littlo later they were all dead. If this story be true it would bo difficult to cxaggerute its import ance to farmers iu countries affected by tho locust pest. Pathfinder. language of Southern Spain. Iu southern Spain language has been much degraded iu pronunciation, aud by the admixture of gypsy and other slang; but differences go aeoording to the provinces, not according to the rank or social positiou. This uniform ity of language is, as it were, the out ward aud visible sign of a cortain so cial equality which prevails among the Spaniards. It is perfectly compatible with tbo recognition of otllciul rauk or sociul distinction. But this is given among tho Spaniards, as it is among the oilicors of au army, without servility. r
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers