Tiie Forest Repablican RATES OP ADVERTISING! For On. Square, on Inch, on inertlon..I 100 b published every Wedaday, by J. E. WENK. Office In 8mearbaoga & Ca'i Building- ELM STREET, TIONE3TA, PA. Terms, - 31. UP ir var. Ho subscriptions received for a snorter period than throe month. Correpoadoo- tollon 1 from all parts of tb country. No noilo will be taken ol anonymous oonimualaailoa. EPUBLICAN, On .-quare, one inch, on month. .. oo m c-quam oo inco, um monuu. . Una .-quar, one loch, on year ...... two tSquaraa, one year.... Quarter Column, on year . . . BUO 10 00 15 00 80 00 Ml na Un Column, on yar.. . 100 00 Lal adTertiaeoiaoti ten cents par 11m rach insertion. Marriage and desth notice rati. All bill fory early advertisement collected quarterlr Temporary advertisement mutt be paid in adrano. Job work cash on deliver. amii wuiuaia, one year. VOL. XXXI. NO. 13. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 13, 1898. $1.00 PER ANNUM. R est According to Ziun'a Herald the Methodists in New England numbered 158,628 in 1897, a gain of eight per oeut. since 1890, "Westward the star of empire takes its way," Las been the watchword for centuries. The trend of events has not changed its course, although the Stars aud Stripes of the United States in their westward journey now hang over a portion of the Orient. Mexico's first cotton factory was started in 1831, ton years later here were fifty factories, where to-day there aro more than 100. In the majority of factories tho work hours are from six a. m. to nine p. m., with' two in tervals for meals amounting together to an hour and a half. . The yard number of the new battle ship Alabnma is 290, which was the yard number of tho famous Confed erate cruiser built iu an English ship yard during the war. If the new war ship achieves as brilliant record un der the old flag as her predecessor did against it, the name will bo historioin our navy, oomments the New York Commercial Advertiser. Under the unfavorable conditions that have so long existed the exports from the Fhilippines to the United States have amounted on an average to $1,000,000 per month, and accord, ing to Mr. Oscar Williams, until re bently United States Consul at Manila, this amount exoeeds that to all other oountriea combined, and this, too, in the faoe of tho fact that Germany is said to hold commercial supromacy in the islands. No incident of the present stirriug times is of more Uoi venal interest thau the drawiug together of Great Britain and the United States.. In New York one sees the Americau flag everywhere, tho lone star of Cuba fre quently, aud in many iustanoes hung ont in company with both of them the flag of Great Britain. In a letter from a friend of Harper's Weekly it is mentioned as an . iu stance of the way in which the British and the Ameri cau are getting mixed that Lord Sandhurst, who has held high com mands iu India and dealt with great efTlmniinT with Ilia nlniriiA in Ttnmhnv j "is a descendant of General Samuel Smith, cf Baltimore, who fought the British stoutly in two wars." - While interest in the Klondike has sulAided sinoe the war, the nature o' the developments there is such as would throw people during ordinary times into a fever of excitement and bring on a itisb. The spring clean-np began last April at Bonanza and El Dorado creeks, and there is no ohange in the early estimates of the yield. The adventurous classes of this conn try are too much absorbed in the war to leave for the frozen North while it is on, and by the time the Spanish trouble comes to an end it is likely to be too lato in ' the season to start. Besides, all but ono or two of tho roomy p.sanger vessels intended for the Alaskan route will become trans ports, and there will bo small accom modations for gold-field passengers. But look out for the summer of 1899 if the output of 1898 is what the ex perts say it will be. War being over, as we may safely hope, the rush north ward will fully make up for the lost time.' Says the Chicago Times-Herald: Feminine fashion as an effective ele ment in warfare is one of the unique is sues that have come to the front iu these history making days. The wo "men of Washington, it seems, have re solved themselves into a patriotio league for the purpose of inducing their fair fashionable friends all over the country not to bny French millinery. This .bellicose boyoott of the much adored Parisian bonnet is intended as international retaliation, inasmuch, as France has assumed a friendly attitude toward Spain in the present unpleasant ness. It will mean, it is said, an an nual Joss of 850,000,000 to French im porters. But they the women love theiracountry niore than the coveted piecos of headgear, and so this odd un dertaking of.the fair patriots progresses with a long list of prestiged patron esses in the National Capital. This is not th first time feminine headgear has played a part in history. As far back as 500 years ago it was a constant worry to the mandate-making sterner sqj. One conspicuous instance is the royal decree of Louis XL, who ex cluded the monstrous bat of fair - fad dists from both church and court. Woman's headgear is, without donbt, a powerfal piece of human ingenuity, aud this neoterio movement, as an in teresting demonstration of the relative influence of the bonnet and the bullet, may commend itself to the liberty-loving ladies of the land. THE REST Give every man his !aro Of sorrow or of glee. And bo will wonder where The other part can be. If pain be half bis lot He tries to make a jest of It. It serves to warn blra not; He wants to know the rest ot It. Give woman half a lilut Of bow the acandnl goes. And she will never stint When telling what she knows. One tellstbe story straight. Another what she guessed ot It; The other watob and wait. They want to know the rest ot It. THE WINGED DEATH. HAD been for some little time engaged, through a medical agency, in . doing substitute work in different parts of England, when I re ceived a summons by telegram to go and take temporary charge of a practice in the suburbs of Bradford. The ad dress was that of a Dr. Wolford, who had died suddenly two days before, but beyond this I had no information. was met at the Bradford Midland station by a surly looking individual, who, saying that his name was Rug den, and that he was the late Dr. Wolford'a dispenser, at once suggest ed that we should go and have a drink. I looked sharply at the man, and what I saw prompted me- to deoline, on the plea that I must look after my luggage. I have formed tiie habit (a dangerous one, by the way) ot judg ing by first impressions, and already I knew that I should dislike this man. I cononaled this feeling, however, and during the drive from the station en deavored to learn something about tbe tuanuer of Dr. Wol ford's death; bnt as I received only monosyllabic replies from my oompauion, I soou gave up the attempt at conversation. On our arrival at the house I was at once shown into the diniug room, where Mrs. Wolford was waiting to reoeive rae. "Oh, Dr. Meldrum!" sho cried, as she came forward to greet me; "you can't think how glad I am to see you. I've been counting the hours till you oould be here." The warmth of this welcome rather surprised me, but I murmured some suitable reply, and expressed my re gret for the sad occurrence which had made my presence necessary. At the mention of her husband's name Mrs. Wolford'a eyes filled with tears. "Yes," she said, simply; "it was very sadden, and very, very cruel." And then, with a sudden keen glanoe np into my face, she added: "Are you clever, Dr. Meldrum? clever in your profession, I mean; because there is a problem in this house to be solved that will need a clever man. Oh, Dr. Meldrum, I wonder whetheryou know what it is to be without a friend whom you can trust!" At this point she showed signs of breaking down altogether, bnt with a strong effort restrained herself. "You wonder why I ask you these ques tions?" she went on. "You think me hysterical but I'm not, doctor." . "No," said I, though in point of fact I did think so. "I recognise that you are anxious that your husband's practioe should be in competent hands, and from what I have seen of the dis penser " - She interrupted me with a gesture. "It's not that," she said, impatiently; and then, after a slight pause: "Dr. Meldrum, I'm afraid!" "Afraid?" said L "Of what?" "Afraid for my boy's life and my own." The terror in her voice as she said these words was very real. ' - . "Is your son ill?" I asked. "Yes. Will you come and see him now? There is just time before din ner." I expressed my readiness, and we went upstairs to tbe boy's bedroom. On the way Mrs. Wolford explained that this was her only child, ten years old; and added, tearfully that if she were .to lone him too, as well as her husband, she would die. We found the boy sleeping quietly; withont waking him I took his temperature, but found no indication of feverish ness, and this,, I pointed out to his mother, was, in a child, a fairly con clusive proof that at present there was not much the matter. . "Thank heaven for that!" she said, earnestly. "What do you fear?" I asked. There was a sound of some one opening and shutting the door of the room next to the one in which we were. The footsteps came along tbe passage and paused at onr door. In stead of answering me, Mrs. Wolford, who seemed to be listening intently, wrote with her finger on the counter pane the one word "Poison !" ' Then we heard the footsteps pass on, and go downstairs. "Come," said Mrs. Wolford, after a slight pause; "when you hare washed we will go down to dinner. Yon must be hungry, and I just now heard Mr. Sngden leave his room, so he'll be waitingfor us."" After my experience in the cab I quite expected that the conversation at dinner would be mostly between Mrs, Wolford and myself; but in this I was wrong, for Sngden who in the presence of the lady Beemed quite to have thrown off the eccentrio morose neBS of manner which I had pot down to semi-intoxication, talked continu ously and well, and proved himself an exceedingly interesting and well-in-formet companion so long, that is, as Mr. Wollord remained with us. As e4or, however, as she had left the OF IT. Give any growing boy A watoli, and there's do doubt Twill be bis vandal joy To turn It Initido out. He Isn't satlsned To merely be possessed of It, ' Tli" wnteh looks well outside; He wants to know the reet of It. And so the story goes Through all the alphabet. Mo wit or sulence throws A light upon It yet. The problem's In our hand. We ought to make the best of It. But still, you understand, We want to know tbe rest of It. room, his behavior underwent a com plete change. He became sullen at once, and did not trouble to observe even the ordinary courtesies of the dinner table for my benefit. One iucident I meution, because of its bearing ou the tragody which oc curred later. There was a big Persian cat in the room, which Sugdeu seemed to take a strauge delight iu teasing to a point of fury. Finally, in its strug gles to get away from his rough hand ling, the cat scratched his left thumb, deeply enough to draw a good deal of blood, and got a savage slap for doing it, and the dispenser got np and left me, slamming the door behind him as he went. Hardly had he left tho room when Mrs. Wolford returned, and in a low, frightened voice asked me to come at once aud see ber son. "Certainly," said I; "but what is the matter?" . . "He's in a fit of some sort. And, oh, Dr. Meldrum, I'm afraid horri bly afraid of that sinister man!" His nurse was standing by tho bed tide as we entered the boy's bedroom, holding his hand, and trying to keep him covered by the bedclothes, which iu his convulsive movements he con tinually threw off. At onr approach she made way for us and went over to the fireplace. The first glance I took at my little patient told me that it was no trivial child's ailmeut that I had to treat; the muscles of his face were drawn and set, and his limbs were stretchelont straight and rigid. I had hardljaVTuie to note these symp toms, however, before the paroxsym passed,' aud the boy lay panting and exhausted, and almost immediately dropped into a sound Bleep. "Send that woman away," I whis pered to Mrs. Wolford. "You oan go to your supper, Jane," said the lady. ' "Dr. Meldrum and I w;ti ... nr..-i r,.i i tvita owaj Willi IMIIOI-Ol AfcUlttMU. imipi "Now," said I, wheu the nurse haCJoh gone, "how many of these attacks wOat has he had?" "Three, to-day. The first came on about 11 o'clock, just after he had had his lunch." "What did he have?" "Some strawberries, which I bought for him myself." "No one could have tampered with them, I suppose?" "Qnite impossible," said Mrs. Wol ford, decidedly. "I brought them straight np to this room, aud he ate them about half an hour afterward. I did not have occasion to leave the room in the interval, so that the fruit was in my sight the whole time until he had it." "Strange," said I. "What else has he had?" "Nothing that I have not prepared for him with my own hands," replied Mrs. Wolford, emphatically; and then, with a little cry, "Haven't I told you that I, too, suspected poison? Doctor, what is the poison?" "Strychnine," I answered; "at least, I think so, but the symptoms are not absolutely characteristic. He had not had enough, fortunately, -to be fatal, provided we can prevent him having any more. But tell me what made you suspect poison?" "Because," said Mrs. Wolford, ."his father had a similar attack, though a much milder one, the night before he died." "But," said I, incredulously, "I was told that your husbaud died of heart disease." "Yes! he died of heart disease tbe doctors say so; but how am I to be sure that they areVight? He was found dead in his sldy chair. No one saw him die; and there will be no inquest." "But about your boy," said I; "why do you suspect Mr. Sugden of wish ing him harm?" At this question Mrs. Wolford, strangely enough, seemed confused. She hesitated, began sentences which she did not finish, and then, in a sort of defiant rush, gave me three or four very feminine and, to my mind, abso lutely unconvincing reasons for think ing as she did. I was puzzled by this peculiar change iu her manner. I said nothing, however, and a move ment on the part of onr patient put an end to what threatened to booome an awkward silence. The boy was awake and complaining of thirst. His moth er rail to a onpboard, and, opening it with a key which she took from her pocket, brought out a plate of calves' foot jelly. "I mode-tbis myself, doctor," she declared, "and have kept it locked up, so it will be safe to give him it." "There's a wasp having some of it, mummie,"' said the boy, and I was pleased to notice that the painful symptoms which had shown them selves before were now gone. The muscles of his' face were still Blightly drawn, but that was all. Mrs. Wol ford took a spoon and knocked the wasp, together with the part of the jelly which it had attacked, into the fire, and then fed the boy with the re mainder. After he had had it he went to sleep at once. Presently Mrs. Wolford went away to prepare some more food to be ready ' for him when he should wake agaiu, and I meanwhile undertook to stay with him. I was musing over the difficulties ot this peculiar case, when I suddenly became aware of a buzzing sound in the room, whioh I presently traced to another wasp which had somehow fonnd its way in. Now, I have an intense dislike to wasps, so when, after a few circuits of the room, the insect found the remains of the jelly on the plate by the boy's bedside, and settled down to enjoy this, I killed it with a flick of my handkerchief. Hardly, however, had I done so when I again heard a buzz ing, and it seemed to me that this time the sound came from behind a wardrobe iu one corner; it was not continuous, but was intermittently eandwiohed iu between intervals of si lence, as though auother wasp wore imprisoned there, and were making spasmodio efforts to get out. I went to reconnoitre, and presently tbe yel low insect crawled out, and escaping the blow which I aimed at it, Btarted in its turn to perform tbe irritatingly sonorous voyage of discovery round the room. Then a strange thought struck me. Why should there be this succession of wasps coming thus mysteriously into bedroom long after the hour when these insects, in the ordinary course of things, would be abroad? And why? I looked at the jelly. The third wasp had already settled upon it. Great heavens! was this tbe clue for which I had been seeking? I examiued the wardrobejagain. It concealed a door which communicated with the next room Mr. Sugden'e! My suspicions were being rapidly con firmed. With a feeling almost of elation I took an empty tumbler, and carefully inverting it over the jelly dish, im prisoned the busily feeding wasp, And then I rang the bell. Mrs. Wolford answered the sum mons herself. I showed her the wasp and explaiuing that I had formed a somewhat strange notion about it, asked her to stay with Ronald while I went to my room to test my theory. Tea minutes later I was in Sug den's room. I went in without know ing and, taking no notice of his pres ence, walked straight up to the door of commnnication between his room and Bonald's and examined it. Fixed in a corner of one of the panels I found a funnel-shaped piece of tin. My hypothesis was almost proved now, for this plainly was the path by which the wasps bad entered, and the an alysis I had hurriedly made of the fragments of jelly told me only too clearly the murderous errand on which they had been sent. A low, chuckling laugh behind me caused me to tnru sharply round, and old shiver ran down my spine at I saw. Sugdeu was oovering me with a revolver, and the gleaming bar rel was within six inches of my face! "So, Dr. Meldrum," he began, slowly, watohing me the while with an evil, cat-like alertness, "you have been spying upon me? No, I wouldn't try a rush, if I were you; you might get hurt. This revolver is really loaded." xle spoke quietly, but tnere was a gleam in his eves which I knew and feared, for I had seen it once before in a time of danger shining in the glances of a homicidal maniac "I must congratulate you. Dr. Mel drum," he went on, "upon your acu men, for I see you have suspected my little winged messengers of death. What, by tbe way, is the death which they carry? Did you find out? Strychnia? no, Dr. Meldrum, not that. It was something much more deadly than stryohnia, though its effects are, I grant yon, similar. What do you think of ptomaines the poison that is bred of put reaction? More artistic than your stryohnia, I think, and infinitely more deadly; for I've improved on the book methods of prep aration, I may tell you, and this lit tle 4-ounce jar (whioh contains merely a scientifically prepared putrefaction of a rabbit's brain) will kill you if you so much as dip a scratched finger into it." He had laid down the - revolver while lie spoke, and I thought I saw my chance. With a quick movemeut I tried to grab it, but he was quicker; and, almost before I had risen from my chair the revolver was in his hand, and he had me covered again. But he had not expected that I would make the attempt, and the start which he gave caused him to spill his horri ble liquid, which trickled lowly over his left hand, and fell in big, oily drops upon the floor. "loo bad of you, Dr. Meldrum," he said, with mock cbargriu, "to make me spill my elixir of death; before it has finished its work, too! Ah, well, it has not been altogether wasted, sinoe one victim has fallen already by its means. You doubt me? I assure you I speak tbe truth the late Dr. Wolford is my witness." "You sneering fiend!" I cried, in an access of hysterical fury, "you lie! He died of heart disease." "And shall I tell you why he died?" went ou the maniao, with rising ex citement. "I loved the woman he married; loved her for years; loved her long before he ever met her. She kuew this and she scorned me. "And now, Dr. McMrum, you have thought good to come in my way! Well, ' I have five shots in this pistol one for you, one for the boy, one for the mother, the fourth for my self and the fifth iu reserve, iu case any of the others should chance to miss. Shall I use them now? No, I'm in a quixotic mood to-night. I'll take you on level terms!" With a wild laugh he fired the five shots into the grate, and then, throw ing pistol to the floor, sprang, tiger like at my throat. He was a stronger man than I, and he bore me down: bnt, in a moment, even in the very act ot his rush, an agony of terror seized him. His grasp on my throat relaxed, he gave a wild shriek of tor ment, and then his mnscles quivered and stiffened, and his body bent back ward like a bow. His own vile drug, stealing into his blood though the opening door left by the scratch of a tormented cat upon his thumb, had seized him in its cruel grip, and before the ser vants, alarmed by the sound of the shots, had time to reach the room, be was lying before me dead, slain by the venom of his own brewing. Tit Bits. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. A newly discovered spot on the sm is said to be 30,000 miles in diameter. A microbe that lives and multiplies in strong alcohol has been discovered by Veley. Dr. Albert C. Peale reports to the Government that there are 8822 known mineral springs in the United States. Anthracite coal discovered at bis torio Kings Mountain, North Caro lina, shows an analysis of ninety-five per cent, of carbon. The German timber trade has in creased enormously with the advent of railways through the Black Forest, the Odenwald and theThuringenwald. Mahogany is now very generally substituted for hickory in the manu facture of wagon wheels in France, it being found cheaper aud quite as dur able. The number of stars visible to the naked eye is less than 6000. The num ber of Btars visible through the largest telescopes is probably not less thau 100,000,000. The cylindrical bales of cotton now shipped from the United States to Liverpool are pronounced a great im provement upon tbe flrst specimens, and also upon the old bale. The course of the blood-vessels in dead animals or birds is now examined by the X-rays. In order to make the arteries, etc., give a photograph, or "radiograph," they are first injected with mercury. Very beautiful results have been thus attained. There are twenty-six pencil works in Bavaria, of winch twenty-three are in Nuremberg, the great European centre of the lead pencil trade. These fac tories employ from 8000 to 10,000 workers, aud produce 4,300,000 lead and colored chalk pencils every week. The Snssman electrio miner's lamp, recently tried with success in Belgium, consists of a small accumulator ot two cells, with an incandescent lamp at tached. It burns for twelve or sixteen hours and give a light from two and a half to five times brighter than the ordinary miner s lamp. It keeps alight in any position and is not ex tinguished by a current of air or an explosion. Peat is treated in an English pro cess, patented by Mr. Blundell, by being formed into paste, molded into tubes four or five inohes through, then cut into sticks and dried for three or four weeks. Thus prepared, the ma terial can be need as fuel, or it can be more profitably made into charcoal in retorts. Three tons of peat make one ton of charcoal. The process is to be tested in Italy, where are large de posits of peat. English and American Workmen. The London Times, in a recent issue, publishes the report of a conversation between an English engineer and an American manufacturing engineei upon the relative industrial condition of the two countries, ondj comments ai some length npon the facts revealed. The American, as was to have been expected, dwelt npon the superiority of the American workman and ma chinery and on what an economic writer of ability characterized as the "cheapness of high wages." He al leged that the American workman re ceives higher wages, but the labon saving machinery makes possible a profitable export trade. As a matter of fact, the high wages, more than any other factor in the industrial life of the country, make ' the profitable ex port trade possible. The high wages command the services of the best mechanics in the world, and the greater the skill of the artisan the larger the produot of his labor and the less the waste from his work. The superior labor-saving machinery in this ooun try has a good deal to do with the growing exports of manufactured pro ducts, but the most important agency of all is the higher wages. Iudustrial World. The Use of Taraffln. The marked chemical indifference of paraffin and paraffin wax has led to its introduction in connection with large nnmber of industries. It is em ployed for lining wooden and metal vessels for acids) and voltaic batteries, in electrio insulation, iu coatin; splints and other applianoes subject to septic influences, as a vehicle foi fulminate in the manufacture ol matches, as a covering for cartridges, for preserving fruits and vegetables by forming a coating over their sur face, and for an almost endless varietj of similar purposes. It is also used extensively in tht manufacture of cau dles, for securing a high polish on clothes iu laundries, anl for water proofing paper and fabrics. On View of a Mooted Point. It may be said that the little word! "My" placed before the word "dear has a significance of its own. When used between the ladies thus: "Mj dear Mrs. A." it is to devote an extra amount of cordiality and friendliness, and again when a gentleman so write! to a lady of his acquaintance, it hai the same reading. On tho other hand, "My dear Mr. B." U seldom or nevel written by ladies to their men ac quaintances, "Dear Mr. B." being considered sufficiently affectionate. Elderly ladies, however, are outsid this rule, and write "My dear Mr. B." to men whom they have known at boys. Philadelphia North American. THE MEKRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. ISeforo nnd After The llace to Io k How Kumar Grow No Cauae Tot Alarm tier Hanger A Teat of IuOa. rnre Ml Lament, Etc., Ktc. When we were two by the summer son, Just one umbrella would do nh me! . Mow w nre one, anil when storms are rotiL-li, Even two umbrellas aro not enough. Chicugo llecord. The 1'lnco to I-ook. Tenspot "The dogs of war aro showing their teeth." Perkasie "You find them in tho caunou's mouth." Detroit Freo Press. Defore the Knemy. "But, Mr. Blossom, you wouldn't run away if tho enemy were ten to one, would you?" "Not if there was a handy hole to creep into, Miss Dolly." Piok-Mo-Up- No Cause For Alarm. Mrs. Youngwife "Mary, don't you put acid in the water wheu yon wash the clothes." Mary "Oh, yes'm, but don't worry rae hands is used to it." Harlem Life. A Teat of Influence. Irene "She seems to have very lit tle influence with her husbaud." Mary "Indeed?" Irene "Yes; she never can got him to spend more than he cau afford." Puck. ' How Rumor tirow. Bill "I understand that you told Gill that you raised some potatoes on your place as big as my head." Jill "No; I never said as big as your head; only as big as your brain." Yonkers Statesman. Her Hunger. "How do you find the oysters, Miss Fragile?" "They are simply delicious, and I am awfully huugry." "Walter, bring another plato of crackers." Boxbury Gazette. Her Beat Impreulon. "What office does your husband hold in the lodge?" "He's the secretary." "Reoording or permauont?" "Permanent, I guess. He's held it sixteen years." Chicago Tribune. Mot Like Other Debutante. "Has your daughter made her debut yet, Mrs. Green?" "I don't think she has. She ain't obliged to make her own things, you know. We can afford to bny the best." New York Commercial Advertiser. While Awheel. Nan "I was just thinking what a queer thing nature is. Now, of what use is that tail to the cow in winter time, when there are no flies?" Fan "It may be of no use to the cow, but what would wo do for oxtail soup?" Puck. Influence of Sympathy. "Why didn't you have the burglar arrested when you caught him in your hous9?" "My husband and he got to talking about the war, and as they held the same opinionB.uiy husbaud let him go." Chicago Becord. No Lark of Attention. Miss New "I cou't get my watch to keep time properly." Jeweler "Perhaps it needs regula ting." Miss New "Surely not. I move the regulator over the entire scale every day." Jew eler's Weekly. Her M tuition. Mr. Utter "You seem to be very fond of poetry, Ms Beacon; I am sure you must have written some." Miss Beacon "Oh, no, Mr. Utter, mine is a far superior mission." Mr. Utter "Indeed?" Miss Beaoon "Yes, I inspire it." Brooklyn Life. Partially Conoled. Girl with the Pink Shirt Waist -"So Jack has enlisted! Didn't you hate dreadfully to see him go?" Girl with the Ioe Cream Hat "It almost broke my heart. I don't be lieve I could have borne np at all if papa hadn't bought me a '98 wheel." Chicago Times-Herald. HI Claim to Originality. "I don't see anything extraordinary about him!" said one young woman. "How did he get his reputation for originality?" "Oh," repliod the other, "he's the .only man in our club who hasn't tried to make a joke on Admiral Dewey's name." Detroit Free Press. HI Lament. First Citizen "After all, it is a sad thing to see these men leaving family aud friends for the army, perhaps never to return." Second Citizon "Sad? It's terrible! Why, there's one man in the ranks that owes me three mouths' grocery bill. And as you say, the poor fellow may never come back." Boston Transcript. Hot If la Permanent Home. He had admitted that he didn't have much money, but that did not worry her at all. "You wou't need much," she raid. "We'll live in a nice little flat all by ourselves, and I will do the cooking. I cau make you lovely angel's food." "Angel's food!" "Yes. Isn't that all right?" "Oh, yes, of course," he hastened to iep!y. "But but I'M have to come down to earth once in a while, yon know." For fully ar. hour he looked as if he were still doubtful about something. Oliirjitro Poit THE YARN OF THE BO'SUN'S MATE, "I'll tell you a tale," Bald the bo'sun's mate, "I'll tell you a tale ot tbe sea; Many yarns I've told Of theoceun bold. Out tbe awfullest yarn that ever I told Ain't as bad as tbe tale I'll now unfold; And your balr'll be on end, and your blood run cold Your blood run cold," Haid he, said be; Said the bo'sun's mate, said be. "The good ship Jane," Said the bo'mn's mate, "Was as stanch as a ship could De; She sailed one night. With a cargo tight Of the yellowest gold, which shone 80 bright, That Its shilling blinded thesteerman quite, Aud be ran on a rock tliut was out ot sight Twas out ot sight," Bald be, said be, Bald tbe bo'sun's mate, said be. "Now there be was," Bald tbe bo'sun's mate, "Wlthtbesblp a lenkln'free; Ho our strength we spent, For to fix the dent But the lovely gold, overboard It went, Which lightened the ship to that extent, That we floated off but without a cent, Without a cent," Bald he, said be, 8ald tbe bo'sun's mate, said be. "Ob, we all folt blue," Bald the bo'sun's mate, "And we dasbed our eyes, did we; Such au awful fate, As to lose our freight, Was a fearful thing for to contemplate, When a great Idea struck my pate, And I says: 'Let's steal tho Golden Gutel' Let's steal tbe gnte," Bald he, said be, Said the bo'suc's mute, said be. "8o on we sailed," Bnld tbe bo'sun's mate, " Till the Oolden Gate we see; And I hope I'll die If I tell a He, When all was still and no one nigh, We yanked that gate off on the fly, And sailed from Ban Franolnoo sly; From 'Frisco sly," Bald he, entd he. Bald tbe bo'sun's mate, said he. "Now, what I say," Bald the bo'sun's mato, "Is as true as true oan be; A Jewelry store, Bought up tbe door It weighed a hundred ton or more And all of us had wealth galore Which shows you why I live asbore I live ashore," Hnld be, said he, ' " Bnld the bo'sun's mate, said he. F. M. Iianken, In Atlanta Constitution. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Clerk "It is just twenty yean eiuce I entered into your employ ment." Principnl "That shows how patient I am." Fliegende Blaetter. "Do you think it makes much dif ference which planet a person is born under?" "Not a bit, so long as he keeps on the earth." Brooklyn Life. Tom "Did your father-in-law set tle anything on you at your mar riage?" Benedict (dejectedly) "Yes; himself and his whole family!" Puck. "Men become what they eat," said Professor Graham. "Then I suppose pugilists are developed from a diet of scraps," replied a forward student. Harlem Life. She "I heard about the elope ment. Has her mother forgiven them?" He "I think not. I under stand she has gone to live with them." Boston Traveler. Sauce "I saw a man in a window making faces to-day." Simple "What was he doing that for?" Sauco "For a couple of clocks. He is a jeweler." Tit-Bits. Little Bonnie -"Papa, what does rcpeutauce mean?" Papa "Ropent ance is the sorrowful feeling that comes to the person after he gets caught at it." Chicago News. "Professor," said a graduate, try ing to be pathetio at parting, "I am indebtod to you for all I know." "Pray do not mention such a trifle," was the reply. Standard." Pedngogue-V'Conjugate the verb 'to do.' " Pupil "Do, Dewey, done." Pedagogue "Correct, my boy; you shall have a Manila hat next summer." Boston Transcript. In tbe autumn we lament the tree Which dies 'neutU skies so chill and grV, But now it's even worse to see Our oollars droop and fade away. Washington Btar. Polico Judge "This is the eighth time in a year you have been brought before me." Offender "I guess that's right; but it has always been a different policeman." Indianapolis Journal. Uncle John--"Yon don't meau to sayAh4sJfetty has taken up with that Uarblev liillim. Why, he's a regnlar cheap John." Aunt Jane "That's what I say, but he's very dear to Hetty." Boston Transcript. "It is said that people are not al lowed to whistle iu the streets of Berlin." "Great Samson! How do the people over there relieve their pent-up feelings when a popular song takes hold of them?" Chicago News. ."1 hate to bother you, pa," said the small boy home for the holidays, "but really I'd like to know" "Well, whot?" "How is it that baby fish don't get drowned before they've learned to swim?" London Tit-Bits. "Pshaw," said the man who didn't enlist. "I'm not afraid of war, aud while I didn't offer my services to my country I'm going to prove my courage by spending my vacation at a seaside resort." Philadelphia North Americau. "Paw," asked the little boy, "didu't you say in your speech thai you expected the map of the world tc be chauged soon?" "I think I did," said the orator.- "Then what is the use of my studyin' jograpby?" Iu dianapolis Journal. . Cawker "This war is affording op portunities for people to brush up tbeir knowledge of geography.' Cumso "Is it?" Cawker "It is. Only yesterday Sprocketts discovered that Hampton Boads wereu't good for cycling." Harper's Bazar.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers