J - THE FOREST REPObScAN la pahHahed every Wdt1aj, by J. E. WENK. O III 09 In Smenrbaugli & Co.' Building JELM 8TRKKT, TIONESTA, th. RATES OP ADVERTISING. One Bqwire, one Inch, one lnfrt:op..........l 1 0 One Square, one Infh, ene month t 00 One Square, one Inch, three months. One Square, one hicli, on year 1 M. Two S-'qimrfi, erne year li (jmrler Column, one jear Sfl 00 Half Column, on year M M One Column, one year ...........1M to Legal advertisements tea cenn i er Hi In fcrtloa. Starrlaee and death notices gMtlt. All bills for yearly adv-erUnemaata Hectad qaar terly. Temporary adrariiawnanU noil b paiu la advance. Jok work cash on dtUTcrr. Torm, SI. 00 per Year. No .ntiacTlptlnns received for a shorter parlod than tbrMHiDtilJii. OvrrnpeiKloiire inllcHeA from ill parts f tha country. Mo noilca wlU bt taken of anonrmoii. comuiualcalloua. VOL.IVIII. NO. 8. TIONESTA. PA.. WEDNESDAY. JUNE 10. 1885. $1.50 PER ANNUM. THE BALLAD OF THE BABY. Bald of head and red In tlio fan, I'm only a baby, weak and small; A bundle of flannel and bib nnd lace; But don't, I bog, Into error fall, For there's not a thing on this earthly ball, Or big or little, or old or new, That holds the world in completer thrall; Come, list to the deeds that I can da I can shriek a shriek to rond all space, Can choko myself with my broiderod shawl; Can send my nurso on a frantic chase For pins that were never there at all ; I can make my pa, so bravo and tall, Bay curioua words, just one or two, As be walks the floor to hush my squall; Come, list to the deeds that I can da lean coo and coo with a tender grace, And bring my subjocts at bock and call With cunning smile and a soft embrace, While Into mischief I straiRhtway crawl; My mamma's anger I can forestall, I can patty -cake ami enn peek-a-boo, I can charm, enslave, delude, appal; Come, list to the deeds that I can do. With my tiny. hands I can build life's wall As true and strong as the skies are blue; I am the monarch of hut and hull ; Come, list to the deeds that I can do. Carlotta Perry. V, uncle Alien rnoriiECY. "Yes, Robert, I know it's a poor place, but I don't feel willing to give it up. It's been my homo as it was my father's bo fore me; and I did hopo " with sigh "that you'd hit' taken to it, and made it us good as 'twas in his time. Your own poor father never had any luck with it." "Kor do I expect any, mother. It takes a natural liking and a natural tal ent to succeed nt any business, and I'vo none for farming. I wish I could per suade yon to toll tho placo, and let mo set un a store at the cross-roads. We could mako moro there, without the lu bor and care that it costs us here." "I nin'tc suro of that, Hubert. Pcr- .-iiaps jfi-a mnrry and settle down horc7 Wnn a godjl managing wifo to help you, you'd do better and be better satis fied; and if it; weren't Tor old David Gardner's obstinacy you and Lcftv--" . "Knough, mother I" interrupted Rob ert, flushing all over his handsome, sun burnt face; "it's no use to say anything more on that subject. I'll never n'sk any woman to marry me so long as I know that I couldn't afford her a suitable help, or so long as there's a mortgage hanging over the roof that I'd bring her to. A father's hardly to be blamed for saving t ' that his daughter shall never marry a poor man, to break herself down as her mother did, with work. So that's set tled." His mother lookod at him anxiously over her spectaclos. "If it wa'nt for tho mortgage," sho said, slowly, "we might get alonir. ( 'Twas that worried your father into his grave that, and not finding the gold- N streak " Her son made an impatient movement and she added : "Don't you think you could get a little more time allowed us, Robert. Maybo when the crop's sold, and the apples and cider " "Mr. Davis won't hear of it, mother, I saw hiai yesterday and talked it over, but he insists it must all be paid by the first of August ah, here he comes nowt" A ' Robert went out to meet the well 4 dressed, sharp-eyed man in his hand some buggy, while his mother remained on the buck-porch, with sleeves rolled up, .mixing dough for the poultry. "There ain't mnnyof Yin to feed now," sho said, talking nlpud to herself, as she had been accustomed w ith her late husband. "What with cholera and gapes in the chickens, and weak legs in the turkeys, 1 hain't had any but ill luck w ith the lot of 'cm this year. Then there's old Speck missing the best layer of 'em all, and Gold streak's fit for nothin' eence her leg's broke. Ah, me! I'm mightily afeared that she's the only gold-streak we'll ever know on this place!" "What's that about a gold-streak, Mrs. Langly?" exclaimed a clear, young voice. And a girl with a sweet fuce and bright brown eyes and a blue-striped chintz dress fitting perfoctly to her trim figure, stood smiling before her. Mrs. Langly's face brightened imme diately. "Why, Letty, how you do always manage to tako one by surprise, us if you'd risen out o' the yearth or dropped down from the clouds! Well, child, you're welcome! And how's your mothert" Letty made a suitable reply, nnd ex plained hovy she had been sent by her mother on somo little business connected with quilt-patterns, for the invention of which Mrs. Langly was famous. "You shall have my gold-streaked pattern." said tho old lady, promptly. "It's the handsomest of all, and I've never before given it away not even to the minister's wife, who was so taken with it." "Gold-streaked again!" said Letty. smiling. "That appears to be a favorite name with you." "Ah. my dear, I've cause to think a heap of that name! Maybe it would In; better if I hudn't; nnd maybo again well, nobody tun tell yet." There was a moment's silence, when she resumed : "I dare Bay, Letty, you've thought me obstinate uud selfish in opposing Rob's wish to sell the farm. Put I had a rea son, child, more on his uccount than mine; and I think I may's well tell it to you. I know you're to be trusted not io go and spread it around among the neigh bors, who would no doubt be hinting that I'd better be put in a lunatic asylum. Maybe you'll think so yourself, but at any rato I'll let you judgo. "You see," sho continued, as she slowly worked in another handful of corn-meal, "tho Langlys come of Scotch stock, and it's been said that Rob's grcnt grand'ther Langly, over in Scotland, had tho gift o' socond-sight that is, see ing and knowing things that are go ing to happen. I've heard a good deal of talk about it in tho family, but never did think much of it, though my hus band poor departed .Teems believed in it as firmly as ho believed in summer and winter. Ho said these things come by a mysterious law of na tur'. Well, about eight years ago old Uncle Alick Langly paid us a visit on this farm. I hadn't neen him but once before in my life for ho lived down to Tennesseee, a long wav from here. Him and .Teems, they walked nil ovcrjtho farm, and it was a far better cultivated place then than now, though nothin' com pared to what it, was in my father's time. Jcems' I'nclo Alick didn't seem to think much of it, though. Then he went over the country looking up lands to buy for his son, Alick, who thought of coming this way to settle, if a good prospect of fered. But in the end ho gave up iho idea, as ho couldn't find jest what ha wanted." Here sho began slowly and deliber ately to clear tho dough from her hands. Letty, seated on the top step of tho porch, looked up with quiet, expectant eyes. "Tho day that ho went away," con tinued Mrs. Langly, with a long-drawn breath, "ho was stauding here yes. right hero where you are a sitting and looking all around him on the farm. All of a suddent he says, 'Jemmy Jemmy and Mary' turning to mo 'I've one thing to say to you before I go. Stick to your farm, for there's a streak of golden luck in it.' Of course I asked what ho meant; but all he would say was, 'I've seen it I've seen it by the power that's given us to look into the future. I've seen a streak of gold-luck running through your land that's to bet ter your fortunes in good time. Don't part with it until your luck's found.' And that same day ho went away, and the first we heard of him after ho got home, was that he was dead." There was another pau9e, and Letty said : . "And you think there is really vein of gold to be found on your farm?" "Jcems thought so. To his dying day he believed in it. Goodness 1 how much ho thought about that gold-streak I Why, half his time he spent in hunting, and digging, and scratching around; and at last he went off to tewn and tried to get two men, that was used to the bus iness, to come out and examine the laud to diskiver gold. "But they only laughed at him, and said no gold would ever bo found in Pike county. And then ho thought maybe there was gold money hid some where on tho placo; so he dug under all tho rocks, and looked in tho holler trees, and was speshly keerfulin digging in tho garden. "But no pot of gold ever turned up; and, meanwhilst.the farm got neglected, and it seemed that more bad than good luck was a-coming to us. Still, almost on his death-bed, he said to me: " '.Mary, don't you sell the farm if you can help it. I believe, as faithfully as I believe in anything, that that streak of gold-luck will turn up some time. No Langly ever yet prophesied what didu't coino to pass.' "That was what he said; and so now, Letty, you know, as Robert knows, why I am unwilling to sell the farm." "And what does Robert think about itf" inquired tho girl, with a faint flush on her cheek. . "Oh, he thinks it all nonsense about the gold, and the second-sight, and all. And as for me why, sometimes I can't but agree with him. And then, again, there's a feeling that there may be some thin' in it, after all and that it may be given to some folks to see what's going to happen in the future. Just as wo know there were prophets of old, to say nothing o' the Witch of Endor." Just at this moment they heard Mr. Davis' buggy roll away, and Robert came around the corner of the house. He looked a little excited; but that might be lrom finding Letty there. Ho walked home with her across the fields to tho next farm. When he returned he said, quite abruptly : "Mother, .Mr. Davis wants to buy tho farm. He's ottered more for it than I ever dreamed it would bring. He seems quite anxious to get it : and when I told him that you objected to part with it, he actually olTcred to let us oft. with tho balance of tho mortgage, provided tho business is settled at once." "Why, Robert, what can he meant" "I don't know. There's something in it I don't understand; but, if you've no objection, I'll go over to G to-morrow and sco Lawyer Punnell about it." Robert had expected to be oulv one day from home; but ho stayed three. And, meantime, the one hired boy, going to bring the cows from the meadow, re ported that there were a number of men passing through tho farm, locking about, examining the ground, and acting in a very strange and unaccountab o manner. "Good gracious!" thought Mrs. Lang Iv. "They surely can't be suspicioning the gold streak?" Shu was very unxious for her son's re turn. When he did como she noticed the bright glance, and tho brisk manner in which he dismounted from his horse and camo straight toward her, as she stood at the steps to welcome him. "Well, Rob, I see you've got good news." "The best of news, mother," he an swered, cheerfully. The tears camo into her eyes. "1 shall hate to give up the old home, after all." "You need not give it up, mother. We won't sell the farm. Mr. Davis was sharp," he added, contemptuously, "but fortuuately wo escaped the trap he bait ed so nicely." "AVhy, what is it all about, Ttobertt' "Why, only this, mother: They aro going to run a new railroad through our farm." "What I" exclaimed the old lady, in dismay. "Cut our farm in two with a railroad and spile it completely? So that's what's those men were after when they camo trespassing on our place yes terday I But I'll see whether they'll ever venturo to do it again! Surely, Robert, you'll not submit to see the farm ruined and" "Hush, hush, mother!" ho said. "Calm yourself, and let me explain." And when he made it all clear to her how the passing of tho new railroad through their farm would make them comparatively rich and how there would probably be a station established in their neighborhood, and even perhaps on their very land, which would ten-fold increase its value and how in that case he might establish a store there, and after awhile a postoffice, already needed, with various other prospective advan tages his mother could scarcely realize the idea of such good fortune. But her first words showed how much she had the happiness of her son at hci motherly heart, when she said, with mois tening eyes: "You and Letty can marry now, Rob ert!" Some few months after this time, Mr. Robert Langly stood with his mother on one side, and his wife leaning on his arm on the meadow-slope, watching from a distance the busy laborers throwing up a clay embankment, where the new railroad was to be laid. The sun was slowly sinking to the horizon, and his almost level rays shone redly on the yellow clay, freshly turned up and gleaming in a long, bright line against the green fields beyond. "Dear me!" said Mrs. Langly, "I never knew there was so much clay on the land ; for all father's talk about a clay substratum over there, and his plowing in clover and marl. How red nnd yellow it looks 1 and how that long line of wet clay shines in the sunlight, like a streak of gold." At this, Letty turned with bright eyes, full of a sudden surprise. "A streak of gold? Oh, Robert, how strange I Can this be the streak of gold luck that your father's Uncle Alick fore told?" Mrs. Langly sank on the grassy bank, quite "shaken," as she declared, with this realization of the fulfillment of the prophesy. "Maybe," she said, presently, "ho did r'aly see it by tho gift o' second-sight; or maybe, being a clever, far-sighted man, he might have got an idcar that a railroad would have to run from G to L some time, and pass right through tho farm, or maybe, he might have heard somebody say as much, when he was speculatin' round the country. I'd like to know which it was." And to this day she has not made up her mind on that point. S. A. M'ciis. Wild Game In Afghanistan. in the valley of the Ivushk Rud we saw deer of various kinds, wild boar, and the goorkal, or wild ass. A large drove of them pnsscd our line of march one morning, but wo saw little of them except the great cloud of dust they turned up as they hurried off to higher ground. I understand that there is little difference between the goorkal nnd the kyang, or wild horse of Tibet. Marmots are also very plentiful, they have bur rowed their holes into the ground every where, and it is dangerous to horses, as their feet sink into the honeycombed earth. These marmots may be said to be now the real possessors of the land, for there is scarce a yard of it which is not occupied by them. Partridges are also in considerable numbers, 'and in the Kushk valley some of our party found pheasants plentiful, and wild pigs are still more numerous thero than on the higher ground. There are large spaces on the sido of the stream covered with tall reeds, nnd the pigs find cover in them. One morning on the march I saw a drove of about thirty pigs led by a large boar, walking up the sido of tho hill. They had been disturbed by the baggage animals passing. They went up the hillside, and about half a mile to tho north they descended again into another bed of reeds. They camo down in Indian tile, forming a long straight line, led still bv the boar, and as they descended their speed became greater, till they disappeared in the reeds. While J watching tho drove as it came down hill, it was impossible not to recall an event described in the Gospel of St. Mark. The boars are ferocious, as some of our party found who hud attacked them, nnd were attacked in return, and not hnving the right kind of pig sticking spurs, flight was deemed necessary. Not being able to deal with the boars has in some instances interfered with the pheasant shooting, for it would be awkward to be caught by one of these huge tuskers in a jungle of tall reeds with only a fowling piece in your hand. London Telegraph. Boiling Water In a Sheet of Paper. Take a piece of paper and fold it up, as school boys do, into a square box without a lid. Hang this up to a walk ing stick by four threads und support the stick on books or other convenient props. Then a Limp or taper must be placed under this dainty cauldron. In a few moments the wuter will boil. '1 ho only fear is lest the threads should catch lire and let the water spill into the lamp and over tho table. The flume must therefore not be too large. The paper does not burn, because it is wet, and even if it resisted the wet it would not be burned through, because the heat imparted to it one side by the flame would be very rapidly conducted away by the other. Mature. IN THE CHINESE CAPITAL what a iadt saw ijt tee citt of pekiit. A Place Knrolr Visited hy Travel. er Views) frntn llic City Walla 1 lie Shops and Street Life. One of the most entertaining of mod ern lady travelers, Miss Constanco P. Gordon Cuming, a sister of tho great explorer and "lion slayer," G. Gordon Cumiug, has lately written a narrative of a visit to Pekin, the Chinese capital. Her first impressions of tho city are re corded as lollows: ! Thero is just one wny by w hich to ob tain quite an illusive impression of Pekin namely, by looking down on the city from its majestic walls. Then all the squalor, dirt and dust, which are so fearfully prominent at all other times, seem to disappear, and, as if by magic, you find yourself overlooking rich bowers of greenery, tree tons innumer able, from which, here and there, rise quaint ornamental roofs of temples or manaarins' houses, with roofs of har monious gray tiles, or of bright, glazed porcelain, gleaming in the sunlight. Then you realize how many cool, pleas ant homes wealthy citizens contrive to reserve in the midst of the dingy, gray, densely crowded streets, of which you only catch a glimpse here and there, just enough to give a suggestion of life to the whole scene. Such a glimpse I first obtained one morning at early dawn, ere the dust clouds had begun to rise with the day's busy traflic, and the beauty of the scene struck me more forcibly from the con trast betwixt the bird's-eye view and tho reality when seen on the level. In truth, when standing on the south wall, which divides the Tartar city from the Chi nese, it is scarcely possible to realize that one is looking down on the dwellings of about l,oOO,UOO human beings. Of these 900,000 inhabit the Tartar city, which, seen from the walls, is.apparently a beau tiful park, richly wooded, and now clothed in its densest mid-summer foli age. To the south of the city wall stretches a vast enclosure, called the Hai-tsy, or Great Sea-like Plain, which is the emperor's private hunting ground, inclosed by a high brick wall forty miles in circumference. On the other side, looking into the Tartar city from the ele vation of about fifty feet, the brilliant, yellow-tiled roofs of the imperial palace are most couspicuous, and very beautiful as they rise above the masses of dark green foliage. A considerable number of ornamental buildings, all yellow roofed and gleaming like burnished gold, are scattered in every direction through the imperial pleasure grounds, and with tho aid of good opera-glasses one can distinguish details very fairly. Of course, as you travel round the walls the view changes considerably, one lot of roofs gives place to another so that you obtain a birds-eye view of the situation of most of the points of interest in the city. It would, however, take a really good walker to go" the whole round of the walls, as tho Tartar city forms a square four miles in every direc tion, and the Chinese city is an oblong, thirteen miles in circumference. Impos ing as the castellated towers and walls appear when seen through the dust clouds.'a closer inspection proves that they are not made of stone but of large gray bricks (about twenty inchts in length by nine in width); so that, after all, t.heso enormous bastions are just the universal dust in a baked form. The municipal system of watering the streets is on an exceedingly limited scale, being confined to a few buckets of drain water brought by the official scavengers when not engaged in carrying the most abhorrent sewerage from the houses to the fields. Kach householder is required efery evening at sunset to water that section which is before his own door. At this moment, therefore, all the slops are brought out from every house and are sprinkled over tho highway. If there is auy stagnant sewer, drain or pond with in reach, no matter how foul its waters, a few extnJbuckets are drawn from theuce, and the happy population who seem de void of all sense of smell, rejoice in the sudden cessation of the suffocating dust. The miracle is to see tho people thrive on tho poisonous atmosphere which they must forever inhale nnd which makes us positively sick. In the narrowest, most crowded street, where the air is most pestilential, where there are foul open drains under their very windows, theso people look just as fat und healthy as in the open country. Being on the inside of the great gate way, nnd therefore in no danger of being locked out at sunset, we were able to re main on the wa'ls till the street-watering was over, und so gained impressions of evening street life as we walked home in the twilight. Of these the most curious were the second-hand clothes auction at the open booths, w here the stall men were rupidly turning their wares and shouting out their pn.;cs at the top of their voices. Then there is the incessant din of street cries, while as a deep bass to these comes the grunting chorus of the coolies, who, in the middle road, art urging on their heavily laden carts, and t.'ie never ceasing stream of the terrible springless carts, w hich take the place of mbs uud carriages for the greatest mandarins as well as for the humbler folk. Riders ou mules and donkeys go jingling along to the music of their own hells. Clearer and most melodious is the tinkling o.' the square bell which hangs frwm the teck of the last camel in the long tiles which now aud again more slowly up the str ,'et with soft, silent tread and gliding move ment. Some are laden with tea; others bring fuel for the city a compound of clay and coal-dust made up into bulls, which, being burnt in common portable stoves mude of clay, iron, or bias, give out much heat and no smoke. At one pluce we passed some nionte banks, whoso butfoon called forth loud laughter, i another a denser crowd tempted us to press forward to see the object of special interest, and, lo! it was a Chinese Punch and Judy, of much the same character as our own. At an early hour the open air cook shops ply tho busiest trade. Somo are shaded by huge umbrellas, beneath which nre spread the dressed dishes, for which a thick sprinkling of dust docs duty instead of pepper. There are street ovens wherein all manner oi pies are baked strange compounds of unknown animal nnd vegetable substances, which nevertheless smell rather inviting; at least they would do so were it not for the ever present all-pervading fumes of tobneco nnd opium, the one coarse, tho other faint and sickly. Bean pudding in a crust of mashed potatoes fried in oil seemed to bo in great demand, as also little pies of vegetables, and nicely boiled sweet potatoes. We watched the owner of a portable oven dispens ing these to a hungry circle on receipt of some absurdly small coin while many other men supplied them with hot tea. Various preparations of Indian corn flour were also in favor, especially when baked in the form of tarts, with a little dab of treacle. There was also an enor mous consumption of cakes of ground millet, sprinkled with scorched millet seed. As to what we understand by bread, it does not exist, the substance being heavy dumplings of flour, which is steamed instead of being baked. They are not so bad, however, when toasted. The favorite food here is a cake made of bean-curd. Common small beans are ground between two granite millstones like a hand quern. As the upper is turned, water is poured on, and a creamy white fluid ooses out, which flows into a tub, and is boiled with salt. Tho froth is skimmed oil, and the curd is tied up in a cloth, put under pressure, and so formed into square cakes, which really taste much like our own curds. There is also an immense consumption of macaroni, which is made by knead ing a thick dough of wheat flour, rolling it into very thin, stifl sheets, and cut ting these into narrow strips, which are then boiled. This is eaten hot with chillies, and you see men swallowing yards of it, very much like tho Neapoli tan beggars, except that the Celestials use chop-sticks instead of fingers. How Vaccination Works. Professor Tyndall says in Popular Sci ence Monthly: Pasteur had little difficulty in establishing the parasitic origin of fowl-cholera; indeed, the parasite had been observed by others before him. But, by his successive cultivations, ho rendered the solution sure. His next step will remain forever memorable in the history of medicine. I allude to what he calls "virus attenuation." And here it may be well to throw out a few remarks in advance. When a tree, or a bundle of wheat or barley straw, is burned, a certain amount of mineral matter remains in the ashes extremely smell in comparison with the bulk of tho tree or of tho straw, but absolutely es sential to its growth. In a soil lacking, or exhausted of, the necessary mineral constituents, the tree cannot live, the crop cannot grow. Now, contngia are living things, which demand certain ele ments of lite just as inexorably us trees, or wheat, or barley; and it is not diffi cult to see that a crop of a given parasite may so far use up a constituent existing in small quantities in the body, but essential to the growth of the para site, as to render the body unfit for the production of a second crop. Tho soil is exhausted, and, until the lost constit uent is restored, the body is protected from any further attack of the same dis order. Such an explanation of non-recurrent diseases naturally presents itself to a thorough believer in the gcira theory, and such was the solution which, in reply to a question, I ventured to of fer nearly fifteen years ago to an eminent London physician. To exhaust a soil, however, a parasite less vigorous and da structive than the really virulent one may 6utlice; and, if, after having by means of a feebler organism exhausted the soil, without fatal result, tho most highly virulent parasite be introduced into the system, it will prove powerless. This, in the language of tho germ theory, is the wholo secret of vaccination. Remark able Grottoes. The Fish River caves, near Sydney, in Australia, are among the most remarka ble limestone grottoes in the world, and take rank with the Mammouth cave in Kentucky, and the Luray cavern in Vir ginia. The Pish River caves, which liavo been recently explored, are remark able for a kind of filigree glass-work and stalactic drapery, which hangs like arras from the walls and roofs. In one part of tho cave a pond of clear water was found, "its bottom glistening with pearls and other concretionary forms like nodules, marbles, birds' eggs, etc., interspersed with patches of diminu tive coral forms." In the Shawl cave there are curtains from ten to twenty feet loug, some nearly white, others striped with pink, yellow aud brown. A fresh grotlo lias also been discovered quite recently at Durgali, in Sardinia. Thb grotto commences with a iargo hall with sixteen columns rising from the alabaster floor, and apparently sustaining the pure white roof, which la wreathed and festooned with flowers aud figures , oi uuunals in limestone. J lie most won ! derful thing in the hall was, however, I the petrilied skeleton of a majestic stag, I which was partly destroyed Wy visitors, i uud the spine of which has been sent en t tiro to u nrofessor of naturul history in Cugliari. The grotto consists of six other largo chambers full of natural curi osities. Wlipn thn mnn tnlil lna lmwlluilv ek fed him wooden biscuits, she didu't ret ( inau.oii.no.biiosmiu'u ami toia nim uouim wS so cheap that the story is too sad to' conclude. Merchant- TraxtUr. UNDER A CRAZY QUILT. He slept, and dreamt that the kangaroo Had given a fancy ball ; The elephant came with the festive gnu, The mouse with the eetrich tall. A funny giraffe, that did nothing but laugh, Dropped In with a centipede; And a cricket and fUa, that had Just been to tea, Waltzed round with remarkable sjieedL A wasp and a bumblobee had a chat Just over bis little nose: And a boa constrictor, upon the mat Dressed up in bis Sunday clothes. A crow and a raccoon, in afire balloon. Paused over his bed to sing; And a neat armadillo crept up on his pillow To dance the Highland fling. Then all, ere they left, made a graceful bow, And out in the moonlight sped; Except a ponderous brindle cow, Which stopped to stand on its head. The little boy woke, and grinned at the joke; Sprang out of bed with a lilt " I will dream it all over," said he, "if they cover ' Me up with a crazy quilt" George Cooper. HUMOR OF THE DAT. A pair of pants Two tired dogs. Man is like a potato never sure when he will get "into hot water." When the ironclad was invented then came the tug of war. Picayune. Many a dandy before marriage be comes sub-dude after it. Boston Budget. Great feat on the rollers Those that require No. 12 skates. St. Paul Herald. Can the tailor's nag be properly called a clothes horse. HoUon Commercial Bul let in. Miss-fortunes come to some men when they get married, and they don't mind it a bit. Texat Silings. "A soft answer turneth away wrath,' but a stout kick frequently annihilates it. Pittsburg Chronicle. Aeronauts are often very much taken up with their profession, like tramps and housebreakers. Boston Timet. A new magazine is called the WomanU Age. This is unfortunate. It will never become generally known. Keu York Journal. "Only a match box," remarked Fogg at the theatre the other night, referring to the seats where the young lovers sat. Boston I'ranscript. A. poet says: ;"Tis moro brave to live than to die." That's the reason poets send their effusions by mail to the editor. Xew York Journal. "A good name is better than tons of gold," says Cervantes. Wre don't know about that. We have never bad more than ono ton of gold at a time. Graphic. "Were you at the ball last night?'' asked Jones of his friend Brown. "You bet I was at tho bawl," replied Brown, "nnd I stnyed all night. Baby had tho colic." TttM Sifting). A farming exchange says: "A fair average profit for a hen seems to ianga from $1.50 to i a year." If a hen can make a profit of $150 to i a year Bhe ought to bo able co lay up something. Drake's Magazine. Japanese dentists use only tho thumb and forefinger in pulling teeth, and if they drag their victims around the room half an hour before the molar comes out they don't charge anything extra. Jforristown Herald. "We had quite a discussion at the club last evening," said Fcnderson; "I made the closing speech, and I think I made mvself clear." "Ah I" returned Fogg, "then I have been misinformed. I was told you made the others clear." Boston 2'ranscript. "How did you feel?" a man was asked, after telling how he was caught by the cowcatcher of a locomotive and thrown over the smoke stack into the tender. "Well, I didn't like it, although 1 must say I was very much taken uu with it at first," he replied Yrk Journal. When the philosophic gentleman Attends the roller rink And pensively sits down, my son, Does be sit down to think) Hatchtt Bhe was a miss of summers ten And did not care a snap for men, But only loved her poodle. And when she got into her 'teens biie did not cart for men of ipeuns, But loved a sickly noodle. She's thirty bow and has more sense, And knows what money is, and heno Her love must have the "boodle." KoatuivlUe Argus. How to Become Deaf at Will. Some years ago, owing to illness and long residence in the tropics, 1 became morbid, sensitive to noises of every kind, aud procured complete relief in tho fol lowing way: I placed some spermaceti ointment in the center of a little square of thin, limp cotton, brought tho corners together, tied them with thread, and in serted one of the little plugs well into each ear, aud after a little kneading and gentle pressure found that I was abso lutely deaf to all ordinary noises, such as the loud barking of dogs and the loud rumbling of heavy carriages in the street. A couple of points must lie carefully at tended to. The ointment must not bo too soft, the quantity about tho si.u of a small pea. aud the hi tie bag must be somewhat larger than its contents, to al low tho plugs to ta1o the bluipe of the auditory caual. If the bag bu too small, or its contents larger iu size than a pea, it cannot be inserted into the ear, and if applied only to that orifice it entirely fails in its object. This littlo experiment is easily tried, aud a daily experience of over tweivu mouths wariants me iu bay ing that it will be fouud iuvaluable iu the r.ick room. London Lancet.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers