61 Behrend Beacon O April 1,2010 till I www.thebehrendbeacon.com MY VOICE The importance of convenience These suggestions I am about to make are directed toward the majority of the students here at Penn State Behrend: an under classman living on campus with no regular transportation to get on and/or off campus. After all, this is a branch campus, no matter what mar keting strategy the good people of Behrend come up with. Also, the tearing down of the radio station office in the bot tom of Reed to put in a com mon hangout area is an idea long over due. For the students who cannot travel off campus to find enter tainment, mostly because of the lack of substantial entertain ment on campus on a regular basis, this is a huge step in the right direction. A suggestion of mine how ever, would be to do more than just implement a student lounge with TV's and video games, but to also add some of the more stereotypical game room activities. So far there are only two table tennis tables available to students who do not live in Ni agara (those tables being in the lobby of the now new dining hall). And for those students fortu- THE EDITOR’S BLURB Enough with the negative statuses! •am #. opinion editor 4701 Co "’ 9 n„ D ™ ,oh" pa 16563 The Behrend Beacon Executive Board Editor-in-Chief: Business Manager: Connor Sattely Bethany Long editor@psu.edu bjtso37@psu.edu Managing Editor: Faculty Advisor: Shawn Annarelli Kim Young kjylo@psu.edu Marketing Manager Katie Cook smaslB9@psu.edu Web Editor: Jeremy Korwek jdksoo9@psu.edu nate enough to live in Niagara, they are allocated a measly pool table (the only one on campus mind you) and a few other games in the basement. I would love to see some kind of entertainmem Reed. This used to no longer than a ago, and it w' popular. Why cl Other very mi tremely he! changes would to put a fe 1 treadmills in tin bottom of each dorm. This was tried in Ohio Hall, but they broke down from overuse and immaturity but that was reason to exti them! That is jus, call out that stu dents need more than the two dozen treadmills and elliptical ma chines in the Junker Center (A very long, cold walk in the win ter). Living in Lawrence I know for a fact there is bountiful Let me make this perfectly clear to all Facebook users. If I have to see one more cryptic, depressed, discouraged or unenthusiastic status update, I will personally hunt that per son down and perform neuro surgery on them with a screwdriver and a soldering gun. Everyday I log onto Facebook and am bombarded with 63 new updates from friends who incessantly complain about how crappy their life is. , Whether it’s a failed relation ship, a bad exam or just some ! mundane bulls«r *% that I don’t care about. The Face book community never fails to harsh my mellow. To those who frequently in dulge in the passive-aggressive attempt at attention/sympathy that is the “cryptic status,” 1 must ask you a simple ques tion: Is your life really that bad? Are you homeless? Are you starving? Is a Janjaweed death squad standing outside you door ready to rend, pillage and disembowel you in front of your family? News Editors: Ally Orlando acososl@psu.edu Rachelle Thompson rltso6s@psu.edu Ast. News Editor: Eric Peirce ewpsos2@psu.edu klcs293@psu.edu space available to put exercise equipment in the old psychol ogy labs, so why not fill that dust space with something? As for the other dorms, I’m sure there can be some space for a few ipecially in \t is Senate ALEC ITALIANO sports editor to campus would lighten the mood of many stu dents in the monotonous cycle of eat, work and sleep. Just last week I was forced to resort to the “mop” look be cause of the inconvenient trans- SEND I “C If you answered “no” to all of those questions, then please shut the hell up. You officially have it better then at least three billion other people on this planet. Now that I have taken my ex amples to the extreme, I hon estly want to say that I'm not trying’to be insensitive. I understand how stressful college can be and, I too, have had my heart broken. It sucks. I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt and demanded a re fund. However, let’s please keep in perspective how good we have it as college students. Every morning I wake up and usually the first thought that pops into my head is, “Damn it. I don’t wanna go to class.” I then procrastinate getting out of bed and my mind tends to wander. I worry about my classes, my future, my loans and how much I wish I could wake up next to someone who truly loves me. Then I think about how I’m not malnourished, I’m not nurs ing a bullet wound (or several), I’m not being sold on the black market as a sex slave, and I’m Editor* Sports Editors: Nick Blake npbso4l@psu.edu Alec Italiano ajiso37@psu.edu Opinion Editor: Neil James opinion@psu.edu >ming off as if a kid that iding every thing from ■ampus, but ract is Penn ite Behrend just too far way from ly shopping ea. Just have some imm o n es like a ter shop or ■ rental (something iple as a Red Box in Reed) close I Board Culture Editor: Shannon Ehrin sbesol7@psu.edu Copy Editors: Jeff Kramer jsksl6l@psu.edu Marcus Yeagley mjysol2@psu.edu Videographer: Mike Fultz mjfs2o4@psu.edu Photo Editor: Daniel J. Smith photoeditor@psu. edu Ast. Photo Editor: Stephen Fyfitch stlso26@psu.edu Engineering Editor: Ryan Frankouski r 515054 @psu. edu poitation provided by EMTA to Behrend campus. These are things such as a convenience store in Reed. It seems very logical to have a place to be necessity items that the average student on campus would need to bum a ride to Wal-Mart to get. Mercyhurst College of Erie has one of these stores in their main freshmen halls, and a common place for students who run out of things such as toothpaste and other toiletry items. I would like to see the con venience store sell everything a typical one would sell; yes, in cluding tobacco products. But that is an argument for a differ ent column. I was at first very skeptical about going to school here, but the voice from alumni were right, I fell in love with the cam pus. But, let’s take this campus to the next level; let us promote Behrend to the top. These simple changes will make Behrend a better place to live across the board. Then maybe in five years we can get a 30-foot connecting sidewalk from the back of OBS to the path to Bruno’s and we can see some grass grow there. not waking up to a bayonet in my stomach. I realize that I’m going to col lege, I’m healthy and have the rare freedom to live my life as I see fit. I realize that I have it pretty damn good and should get my butt out of bed and do something constructive. In everyone else’s defense, we all overreact now and then. I’ve posted my fair share of negative statuses. That being said, it really doesn’t do any good. It’s the Internet equiva lent of standing in front of Bruno’s, shouting into a mega phone and telling the entire campus about how your break up went. So please, stop making bla tantly obvious, attention seek ing Facebook statuses. Maybe your ex might see it and feel a slight twinge of guilt, but mostly, everyone else will see it and just get annoyed with how insecure you are. This might cause your trusty friend of the opposite sex (who se cretly wants you) to come run ning to your side, but even he/she can only take so much. Telephone: (814)898-6488 Fax: (814)898-6019 Business Editor: Akeom Mclntosh Any letters intended for publication must be addressed to the editor, be no more than 350 words, and include the nmSiA3ia)n<iu flrfii : writer s name anci P hone number. Letters may be edited for content or length at the editor in chief’s discretion. aomo i4J&psi*eau : Behrend Beacon does not publish anonymous letters to the editor. If students want their letters to be Humanities Editor. ; published, they must include their name. The Behrend Beacon intends for its Opinion page to be a forum for Adam Spinelli : discussion, not a screen to hide behind. Occasionally, The Behrend Beacon may request responses to online alsssB9@psu. edu ! queries in which responders will be identified by their username. ScionCO Editor The Behrend Beacon is editorially independent from the Penn State system. The Behrend Beacon operates par- Ran Pula ' : on Sludent Activity Fee, and partially on advertising revenue. It is published every Friday during the school nyan LiUia : y ear except for before and during scheduled vacations, with exceptions for special issues. rggso29@psu.edu j The editor-in-chief has the final authority on editorial decisions, including, but not limited to, all columns, edito : rials, and letters to the editor. Complaints regarding Beacon coverage of school events should be directed to the edi : tor at editor'" psu.edu. MY VOICE With April Fools’ Day occur ring on the day this article comes out to print, you might think an article about playing pranks will only be relevant for a day. However, there is one key rule to April have all of Apr people. Isn’t it obvio\ people expect 01 try and pull over on them o» Apr. 1 . They put their guard up, and they are just a bit more un believing of anything and everything you say. But Apr. 2? That guard goes down, and that is when your opportunity opens up. You want some pranks to pull on people? You got 'em. Prank #1: Tell your parents that you are pregnant. This one only works for the ladies, and it especially works over the phone. Heck, I’ll even volun teer my name as the pretend fa- ther. However, if you are actually pregnant, I ask you not to use my name. After all, just like in art class, I don’t take credit for something I didn’t create. Prank #2: Tell someone a fa mous person has died. Yes, it is cruel and heartless, but it cer tainly qualifies as an April Fools’ joke. Walk up to some one and tell them that Jesse James died. Then again, after cheating on Sandra Bullock Have something on your mind? ,) <■ Wantto respond to an article? Serid ail email to ppinion@jpsu.edtl Submissions must be less than 350 words in length. Check every week for our new section: -Letters to the Editor STAFF EDITORIAL This week's Beacon is all in good fun This week the Behrend Bea con runs its annual Bare End Bacon April Fools’ Day issue. The satire used in the A section of the Bacon is a means to ex ercise our collective satirical writing skills, as well as to en hance our sense of humor and yours. Satire is a major practice in the literary arts, in which the composer uses ridicule, irony and sarcasm to get a point, ob vious or subtle, across to the reader. Satirical literature is often used to criticize people or ob jects that the composer believes does not attain an acceptable standard. It may be practically argued that satire offensively attacks its subjects, which is not the principle the Beacon bases any of its content on. Well executed satire sends a message that a serious tone cannot. It can be constructive, which is what the Beacon aims to be. At the same rate, a significant portion of the Bacon’s content does not serve to attack or be constructive to its subjects. It simply provides hilarity in ref erence to its subject’s distinc tiveness and ordeals. Single copies of the Beacon are free and available at newsstands around campus. Additional copies can be pur chased with permission of the editor-in-chief for $ l .50 each. Opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of all students, faculty or University administration. Opin ions expressed in columns, cartoons, and letters are not necessarily those of The Behrend Beacon unless otherwise indicated. The tools to April Fools with a tattooed freak, you might not find anyone who would care. Prank #3: Replace your roommate’s shampoo with baby oil. While your roommate is away at class, sneak • oil into their lottle. Enjoy them come shower, with resembles taby penguin in oil spill. this one, 'ever, you ' to be on the out for a re :e prank. BRANDON BOYD leave them a park ing ticket, and charge them a decent amount of money for a college student, like, say, sls...wait a second, Penn State Behrend Police Services already uses this one. My bad. senior writer to strike Prank #5: Hide a few alarm clocks around the library; set them off in five minute inter vals. Librarians are notorious for yelling at people to be quiet. Imagine their pain when an alarm clock goes off and they can’t silence the noise. When they finally find the alarm clock, they can only enjoy the silence for a few short mo ments, when the next alarm clock goes off and what hap pens when that next one goes off? They’ll be adding an “it” to the end of that “Shh...” The central purpose of the Bacon is to sardonically poke fun at our campus and us, too. Hence the article, “Beacon pub lishes well-written, well-re searched, unbiased journalistically-sound articles.” While you read the Bacon’s April Fools’ Day section please take into account that you are reading dry humor written by poor-humored collegiate jour nalists. If you have already read it without a sense of humor please read it again with one. It is an absurd parody not to be taken seriously. It is our wish that the subjects and topics of the Bacon’s con tent and the readers of the Bea con recognize our attempt and hopefully the execution of tastefully utilizing satire in our Bacon April Fools Day content. The Bacon April Fools’ Day issue is a revived tradition for the Beacon after taking a hiatus from Apr. 1, 2000 to Apr. 1, 2009. April Fools’ Day issues are essentially a staple of colle giate newspapers across the country, a staple that the Bea con hopes to employ for years to come. ihotos taken b' inion ank #4: ike fake king tickets md put them in cars. Go ip to random cars and Shawn Annarelli for the Behrend Beacon Editorial Board Daniel Smith / Behrend Beacon
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers