Page 12
Hellraiser 111 : Hell on
by Rick Kastan
The Collegian
"/ have seen the future of
horror, and it's name is Clive
Barker"- Steven King
I can still remember first
hearing this quote about five
years ago. It was promoting the
release of Brit horror author/god
Clive Barker's directional debut,
Hellraiser. And, being young
and impressionable in those
days, I took those words to
heart.
I mean, Hellraiser wasn't just
your standard run-of-the-mill
cheesy horror flick, it had raw
power and a decidedly perverse
sexuality about it that made it
oh so attractive to frustrated
young'uns looking for
something new to gross-out
their girlfriends with. Hellraiser
had balls. It was severe. It
was cool, man. And if this
was the future of horror then
maybe we all had something to
look forward to after all.
So here we arc, five years and
three movies later. I'm older,
wiser, a bit better looking (if
*Ask for
Please present coupon before ordering. Not valid with any other discounts or offers
Limit 1 coupon per person
L
r
Expires: 9/30/92
Please present coupon before ordering. Not valid with any other discounts or offers;
you ask me - and you don't have
to), and more than just a little
heartbroken.
First came Hellraiser II:
Hellhound, Tony Randal's
quick-paced if dim-witted
continuation of Barker's ideas.
Then there was Nightbreed,
Barker's ambitious but tiresome
monster mash. By 1990 it
began to look like old Stcve'o
was talking about some other
guy named Clive.
Now we have Hellraiser III:
Hell on Earth and if this is the
future of horror you better sedate
me and let me watch Patrick
Swayze dance dance dance.
Hellraiser 111 begins in New
York City where the Lament
Configuration box (a.k.a.
doorway to hell, this time
contained in a pillar of lost
souls last seen at the end of
Hellhound) is once again being
your Student Discount Card
*Free Drink Refills
Double Cheeseburger
With the purchase of a
Double Cheesburger, any size fries and drink.
Good at: All Erie County Locations
Expires: 9/30/92
Free
WOPPER Sandwich
With the purchase of a
Wopper , any size fries and drink.
Good at: All Erie County Locations
Limit 1 coupon per person
"■ 9 Thursday, September 17, 1992
M<ntertainment
"...Hellraiser 111 : Hell on Earth and if this
is the future of horror you better sedate
me and let me watch Patrick Swayze
dance dance dance."
Free
sold to yet another unsuspecting
soul. The customer is J.P.
Morgan, owner of The Boiler
Room, a swank if not a bit
macabre after-hours nite-club.
Of course, you know it won't
be long before some nebby
minor character mistakes the
box for a Rubiks Cube and
plays with it, opening the
doorway to Hell getting himself
blowed-up for good measure -
and this is exactly what happens
(I for one was surprised). Enter
Joey, a repressed female
newspaper reporter, who hangs
around the city hospital ERs
looking for something she can
get on film and make into her
big break (future journalists take
note!).
Her big chance comes when
said minor character (pre
eruption) is wheeled into said
ER with said unexplainable
injuries. The only person who
saw anything is a young and
expendable nite-club floozie
named Traci, and she's not
talking.
But, after using some sound
journalistic techniques (and a
little bit of bribary) Miss Joey
gets some information out of
her and traces the carnage to
Morgan's Boiler Room where
another plot-line has been
taking place.
It seems ol' J.P. has been up
to no-good, seducing girls,
taking them back to his pad and
sacrificing them to his little
soul totem-pole after a bit of
pre-homicide sex - feeling if he
does this he can achieve Hell
and accomplish the ultimate
pleasure through ultimate pain.
As it turns out, he's not too
far off. Yes, it's not long before
everybody's favorite leather-clad
sado, Pinhead (leader of the
otherworldly Ccnobites) is
released again, this time into the
real world where 'the innoceni
are no longer free from pain.’
Soon, you know that all Hell’s
gonna break loose and old nail
noggin is going to create some
carnage to rival his complexion.
0.K., so you think the story
sounds a bit lame-brained.
Well, you ain't heard nothin' 'til
you've caught some of the
idiotic dialog that the actors
lucchetti-s^
FRESH DOUGH MADE DAILY
\ WE AISO SEU HOMEMADE FROZEN FOOD
Pi \ GNOCCMt - IAVtOU
V OPFN WFEKIT EGG SPAGHETTI
m GHSSi 4P M • NOODLES FETIUCCINE
W V and FROZEN PIZZA
Ftol Motion Styt, DtCdotn "0 DOtCf FIUA WHOIESAIIIRETAIL
Subi t SpojUtti lo Go 110 VI YOU"
FREE DELIVERY TO LIMITED AREA
898-1970
4021 Main Street
Lawrence Park
We Deliver to Behrend
1 $l.OO off any Large Pizza 1
! Lucchetti'sPizza {
• • 4021 Main Park >, I
”1“ mm mm mm mm mm mm 'mmmmmm mm
J
n
Film
have to force out. Writers
Randal and Barker should be
ashamed of themselves for
giving us such stupid characters.
I mean, our three leads throw
themselves into so many
dangerous situations that it's
near impossible to shake that
shit-like-this-just-doesn't-happen
feeling.
Other than the aforementioned
script problems, Hell on Earth
is a fairly professional piece of
filmmaking. Direction, from
Anthony Hickox (Waxwork,
Sundown ) is workmanlike and
shows quite a bit of flair and
acting is generally good
especially from Doug Bradly
(who always gives his all) as
Pinhead and the very beautiful
woman who plays Joey (she
reminds me of Kim Catrall with
talent).
In fact, it seems like the
whole crew put their all into the
film despite it's obviously
defective script. This is sad too,
because even with the extra
good intentions this flick is
unsalvageable. Too bad. Strike
up another loss for Clive Barker
in film history and add another
dark cloud looming over horror's
future. Somebody better tell
Steve.
□ □ □
Check Out the
latest sports
scores in the
Sports
section!!!
□ □□