THE TIMES, NEW ULOOMt'lELl). PA., PECKMltElt 2.5, t871). 7 rrol'osslonal Cards. J U.J UN KIN, Attorney. at Law. I New llinoimlcld. t'orryco., Pa. -OMoa Next clour to the residence oCludtfe J ii 11 k 1 11. )Cf AM. M AUKKI., Attorney-at-l.aw, New lliooinileld, 1'orry county, Pa. Oillee opposite the vlanslou House, aud throe djurs oust of Hit) Posl-OUlce. r 15W1H rUTTUK, ATTUItN EY AT LAW, NEW B LOOM Kl E LI), PEHRY CO..PA. ' "(Malms promptly secured collected 1 Writings aud all legal business carefull) attend ail to. dU yl II A III, ICS 11. HMII.KY, Attorney at Uw. New Hlnomllcld. I'errv Un. Pa. m oniisa two li.ini'H e.ut of Jimhi1i Hmllh's hotel. August U, 1H7J Wtl. A.Hl'ONHl.Kil, Altorney-at-l,aw, Olllce adoinlng li In residence, on East Malmtrect, New' llloom Held, Perry oo., Pa. Wi ly TM. N. HKIBF.UT, Attorney-at-Law, Vy New Uloomlleld, Perryoo.,Pa. Uloomlleld, 8 33lv. IKW1B I'OTTHK, notaki Pl'DMU, New Bloom. A Perry Co., Pa. Uceds, Hoods, Mortgages and Lease carefully prepared and acknowledgements taken. All kinds of Pension anil Mount y papers drawn and certified, will also take depositions to be reid la an V court In the United Mates. T lilly CI1AB. J.T .McTnTIKK, Attorney-at-Law, New Uloomlleld, Perry oo., Pa. All professional business promptlyandfaUh. fully attended to. 3 2 ly. -lir' A. MOItltlNOV, Y J I'M TICK OK Til H I'KACK and (1 ENKR, COl.LKOTOIt, NhwJrwmantown, Perry co ,1 KRAI . Pa. - llemltianeeswill be made promptly for all Collection made. T44 CIIA8. A. HAItNKTT, Attorneyat Law, New Uloomlleld. I'e.rrycn., Pa eHuOlllee on high ilreet, North side, nparlyop poulethe Presbyterian Church. 8 2 ly Mr,. i,K-Kii2rr. ktt minkt-at t.uv. iVawiiort, Perry Viiunty. Pa. Living perm inentlv located nt Newport;, will give prmiint and careful attention to all busl aim in liters 'loinm'tlfld to hi care. . iiili!H, No. I I North Second Street. Newport. April if 1878. D U. K. M. ALEXANDER, s vn geopt dkxtts r, New llloomllcld, Terry Comity, Pa. Olllce on Carlisle, St., one door Rontli of ,f. H. and .Indue .lintkln's law olllce Everything belong, lug loth profession done In the liet manner. Ai.i, Woiik Waiiuanteu. Terms moderale. 28 0. P. BOLLINGER, M.D , havlnfr 'ocated In Newport. offers Ills Profes sional services to all who may need them. Chronic diseases of every description cured. . 'HUje In Or. Shatto's building, 4tli Btreet March 4, 1878. I OLD AND RELIABLE. JDB. BANFOnD'S LlVEB IVlaOIl.vrOI'i is a Standard Family Rcraody for .liann.nfi fltn T.ii.j,,. Ql..v...1. ..li . 1 T" 1 TL T ' - . n a v '.i r '.v mu. a." ,8 mm WJ L. .1 BLl T - Invinnrntni ? ' has beeu usetli in my practice ' nnil lv thn nnliliV ? Jm i .i.. l o; 2 hh v "uio btii.ii uu jirnrE3,i SEND FOR CIRCULAR.? Si T.Vi SANFORDi M.D., NiswyoHKoirx t ANtDRl OlilSTnil.tTEI.L VOl IVSntPl TATKIV t SkttsVsVMsVsVsVsVsV June 24, 1870. ' We guarantee It In every case, matters not of how long or how deeply rooted.lt gives Instant relief, and cures most chronic cases. In from two to three weeks. It used as directed. Unlimited number of testimonials ean be Riven If desired. but all we ask Is a trial, to oonvi nee that It will onre when all other means have failed. Sob) hv all dealers In medlelnes, JS0 cents per bottle. Sent free on receipt of price, by JACOB WALTZ, (ieneral A Bent for IT. 8. and ;anadas. 1: Franklin Kt., Baltimore .Md. - All seniiine have trade mark and olenatitra of Dr. J. W. Dewitt on wrapper. 41Wly jjVegctnblo. It never Ul f JDobilitates It is C?V jCathartioand Wgi KS Wff ironic. fifH u iiir0. r inn I'hlliidolplila AdveittHCinenls Ready Mixed Paints ! LUCAS' UEADY MIXED PAINTS i NOWATER.NO CHEMICALS, NO P.EN7JNK, HUT A PUHB OIL FA I XT, HEADY FOH USE. fSiiiiipl OurtlM. 80 JIEAUTlkVUL SHADES OP .PAINT BENT BY MAIL. ITIH PUT ON I.IK R OTHKR PAINT. M AUK WITH LKAIJ AND OIL, VIZ I NICKLV UKUHI1KI) OUT. NOT KLOWliU ON 1,1 K IS WATKH PAINT. TRY IT, And Yon Mill Prove It to ho the lleHt Liquid fill ut iu tlio Market. J OH IV LUOAH At OO., Philadelphia, MANUFACTURERS OK Swiss and Iinpcilnl French (Jrocn, WHITE LEAD, COLORS, VA UN SI I ISS, &o t r" For Biimplo Cards ajiply to F. Morti mer, Now Ulooinllold, Pa., or to John Lucaa & Oo., Philadelphia. JpEIGLER&SWEARINGEN' SuecoBsors to 8HAKKNElt,ZIE()LEIlSCO.. , Importers and Dealers In Eloslei-y, j31uvim, ElUiboiiN, Numpeiidern, THREADS, COMBS, and evory variety of TRIMMINGS & FANCY GOODS, No. 39, North Fourth Stroet. - 1 LAI) EL I III A , PENN'A Agents for Lancaster Combs. w. H- KENNEDY TRIMBLE, BHTTON & Co., WHOLESALE GROCERS. No. 506 MARKET STREET, PHILADELPHIA. 71 gowER, pons &C0., BOOZSELLERS. STATIONERS, And Dealers I a CURTAIN & WALL-PAPERS. BLANK ItOoWft Always on band, and made to, Order. nor. 530 Market and 623 Minor Weets PHILADELPHIA, PA ALSO It, Publisher! Of Handers'New KeaH.r." nrf Brooks' Arithmetics. Also. Robert's Hiitnrvi the UnltedHtateB.Folton'ROutllne Maps.fco. JLOYD, SUPPLEE & WALTOR WHOLESALE HARDWARE HOUSE v No. 623 Market Street. Fhiladelphia, Penn'a. JANNEY & ANDREWS WHOLESALE GROCERS, No. 123 MARKET ST., Philadelphia. QRAYBILL'fc CO., Wholesale Dealer sin Oil Cloths, Carpets, Shades, Brooms, Carpet Chain, Wadding, Batting, Twines, &c, And a One assortment of WOOD and WILLOW WARE, No. 120 Market street, abort jtb, PHILADELPHIA. Philadelphia Advertisements, M. DARTLEY, with m. a. piupini it- co., PI 4IMI B'A Tt'ltl:ltl AND WIlUl.KHAl.K MKALKHH IN BOOTS & SHOES, 31 NOHTII Tlilltl) H I KICK 1', rim. iii:i,riiiA. i-Hpeelnl atlentlon Riven to orders. June.), limi.pd WAINWR1GUT ft CO. WHOLESALE GROCERS AND TEA DEALERS, North Kast Corner of 2nd and Aroh Street, Philadelphia Tenn'a. J. S. DOUGHERTY D. J. llOAIt & CO., WH0LBB1L BOOT AND S II O E WAREHOUSE, ia MAHKHT MTItKKT, Philadelphia, Penn'a. ALL, SHENK & CO., 41)5 & 407 Market Sh eet, riilluiSclphia, (')ld t-'tuml of Ilnreroft &t'o.,) WHOLESALE DEALERS IN I"I.Y OOClN. January, lHTw t KENDALL'S N1AVIN CURIO IBasiireciirefortipnvln. splint, enrb. callous, sprains, kwrelllims nulls. Iiinieness aud nil en liiiKeiiieiils of the J ilntsof IIiiiIm. It will com pletely remove a bone spavin without, blistering or causing ii sine, 1 1 is also a pood for mihii as for beast and Is used fuMsir nj.Hi. nt all times of the ye r, with perluat salety. Ai'iue whicli ve are kiiowIiik to Is a person who sullered IA y?nis with lilp Joint lameness and whs permanently curel I wo yours hko with Kendall's Hpuvln Cure. Itemember we claim It will cure a bone spavin and completely remove the bunch without blis tering Statement Made Under Oath. To Whom II May Concern ! In the'year 1875 I treated with Kendall's Hpavln Cure a bone spavin of several mom lis' Hi ow t It, nearly half as largo as a ben's egK. and completely slopped the lameness and removed he enlargement. 1 have worked the horse ever since very hard, and lie nev-r bus been lame, nor could I ever see any dllleieuce In the size of the hock Joints since I treated him wllh Kendall's Hpavln Ciiio. It A. UA1NLH. Kmisburii Kails V t.. Feb. 2i. M). Hwom unci subscrlbi d to before me this 2olh day February A U. INTJ. JinlN O J EN NE, Justice of the Peace. Olllce U' B. Marshall Westei n I)lst. of Mich., KalamHKoo, Apr. llll. ln9. II J. Kendall, Enosbui'K Kails. Vt. Dear Mi l I received the two bottles ot your spavin cure forwarcltd by express In January last. 1 am hap py to state that it performed all your advertise ment called for. In tlnee weeks after I commenc ed using It, the spavin was entirely removed and a valuable horse restored to usefulness. Very truly yours. JOHN PAHKEIt. Hend address for Illustrated Circular, which we think vlves positive in oof of Its virtues. No remedy has ever met with such unciiallllcd suc cess, to our knowledge, for beast as well as man. l'rlce (1. per bottle, or fix bottles for $f. All Oruci Klsts have It or can Ret It lor you. or It will be sent to any address on receipt of price bv the propri etors. Dlt. IS. J. KKNDAU, &(., Kuosbui'K Kails, Vermont, "Kendall's Hpavln Cure" Is now sold by all the lending wholesale druggists and a largo number of prominent retail druggists. K. MdiiT.MEH, New Bloomlleld, agent (or Perry Co., Pa. The Purrntana Host Medicine ever mmlt A oomblnntinn rtf ITmH. Tlnikr. llUK1Mi,. I in J lndclltin, with riftno Uutt aiuiiuui I, oiirtvl (Tt Hloud lurltler, Saver UeruInWru mud Lile ana iioaith lit'totorUnf Aifeiit cu oailh. no fUiCfuo or ui hcalt b can pomiMy oo(r xttit where Hon iilltm aiu uaecL uorai-ind &iui ipi t mo thelroperatloiiH, Tb7 ntw Urn aal Tttor to Um tad laftm. To oil whone employmont canm Insularity of thobowcln or uriiinry ortmnfi, or who rtjufro n A;(;wtlzt r,Trnic and mild Bllmulaut, IIop iiittern -u-e iuvaiuablo without lutvxlcaUug. No rtnttprwhat your fooiinirt or irymptomn r. wb:ir.l.ieuJ..iH6 or a lnicut in, una Hop liUU rw Don't wait unt 11 yoa am Hlrtr, tut It you only lol liudormlwrnhKu'S the lll'tcmatouoe. U nwj uare your life. ItluuBarodhundmln, AOO will bo mll fnrtMM tlwv rin nAf hclji, Ijo not niJer nor 1 t your frirndMiliiU'1 but iwo ana uiyo Uioia to use liup Iiittura, KAmrmbr,nopDinerBlinoTUe.dru(rirM,drimk nurtnim.Tmt tho Purent ana Uont il- iietno evi r iUMici 1.HO "inTAiia'a r rlrnd nnd Hope." mod no iwraoa or taiully vaouJU U wl tiiuut tuviu. tiai mm thli day. BSBHI llor Couaa Cuu In the woctcst, lafeat and best atO.istAna'luteandlrrwtiFtiblecurefordrunk uui-w uturxii opiuio, cooaooo and uarooUtsi fUnd for Clrcaltr. A 49 w URRCF Send 2Scents In stamps or currency nUIIC (or a w HOH8K HOOK. It treat all dlbewes. has 35 One engravings showing posi tions aenmed by sick horses, a table of doses, a RfifW large collection of valuable recipes, MUUI'tiii for telling the ageof a horse, wlih an engraving showing teeth of each )ear. and a large amont of oilier valuable horse Informa tion. Dr. Vm. H. Hall sayss "I have boueht books that) paid Jo and 111) (or which I do not like as wellas I do vours." HKNU FOB A CIK CULAK AliKNTH WANTtU. 11. J. KEN- JJALL, Enoliurgh Falls, Vt. 2U ly A MONTH guaranteed. 112 a I day at borne made by the Indus, trious. Capital not required: we will start you. Men, women boys i'iiiu pins maae money lasier at vork for ns than atanvlhitiff aIhm. he work la light and pleasant. . mu such as any i ns can go rigm at. Those who ate wise who see tills notice will send us tlielr addrtss at once and see for them selves. Cosily Oiikit and terms free. Now Is the time. Those alreaty at work are laying up large sums of money. AWress TKUE & CO., Augusta. Maine. V in lv 3 c (ponn H ii Mil II II I iiOSTEITEBV 1 1 li CELEBRATED 8 g A A stout backbone Is as essential to physical health us to political consistency. For cuk iichs or the lisck and dlrnnler of the liver and kidney, the tonic and moderate dietetic action of the Miters is tho one thing- need fill. He' member that the llnmach Is the mainstay of every oilier organ, and that by Invigorating; the digestion by this preparation, the spinal roinmn and all its dependencies are strength ened. For HiKtetter'a ALMANAC forlHHO apply to Druggists and Dealer generally 411 4t " THE SUNFOll 1880." ' THE HVIS willdciil wllh thfpvciitn nf tlip ymir iwo 111 Hh iwii liiflif'iu, linw i'ftly wi'll Ulifli THtmxl by ivir lii.ily, rrfim .lunittiry I uiitll lifrciiihcr ill. it will I'ltii'luct' il an ii ni'WripdpiT, wriltcii Jiithn JmihIIhU Irtiiwimift', mid prlntr l for Hi" t'iilf. Ah h iM'WHpiipi'i', Till! hljN Im-ju'vph Im ivHHit nil the mi'wh ft liiti wnnd pmiiipti', Hiid im hi-mHiik It In tli iii"Hi lnl.i )Mi Ul chitpf thu nlmpc tlitit will (Miiiblfl Uh rt'inl' in lu kffp well tthn'HHt ot tin rmii with tin lnint mi j pi'iMliiclhiM-K pel. dh ih'41 ol tiiiii. 'J'df MTi'iili Ht fnt-r--mI tn llit'MH'UtfHt iitiiiilwr- Unit Ih, the Inw (MtiitnUljiiif iin dully iniikc ii'. It mw huf H rlrciiiiilinii vry iiuhTi I- rcr lluiu thai f mil other Atttrrlcii.ii iiHWHpnipir,nti(l it.'yH um Incfitiic wliich U, in nt ll Iiisi pn par tt t(i p).-iid innTiilly tnr the ln iK iit i Mm rm.'t'. ivf.pltw.r Hil iMi'iMf.ii f I H 4, unci h II wnym IliinUin )miv htm I r.-il TIIK HUN : mill they ml d'-rlvo (-iitlHt.ir)lnii i.f 'tun. Mf n tioin iiH coliiiniiH, lor llit'y kvA'U on hiiviiiH nnd rcndlntf it. In Hh (iiiiiiii'titH tin niPimnd fifTiilrn, TIIK MI'N hf- Hl'VcM ttlilt till- only K'l"l" tit policy hIioiijiI In- i (iniiimit hciih", I inspired by Kt'inilntt Auicrlcnri i rlnclplcw uikI buclicil by houcHfy of purpoMH. r thin rciiKini It Ih, nnd will (MihHmuh t be. Hlw'tlutiMy titd'-pctiili nt nf piirlv, i-laHH.fllipic, nrwiiiilziitli.ti, nr lntntril, J t in (nr nil, but nf none. It will conliinic In pmlfH what I rrnnd and n-iirnlmtcwhut Ih 'vII, tiiltinw cbth tlmt It lUiM-mti in in tint pniiii mid pluln, ln-yninl Jm pnNyiblil. ly nt Iwltiu-itiiwiiiiiP-twIiM-d. It In lltillifliiciiccd by inn tlvi'H Hint d'Mi'it iippcnr nn the Hiirtitci) ; It Iiiih tiii'npin juiiH 1 1 h'I, vnxf IliO'H which may be hud ly liny pur chiiHf-r with twn rciitH, It linb-H inluHtic- nnn riiHcrility CVflt tunrc thilll II Itnt' X lltllieceMHiir V WnrdH, li ntjtl'M iriiiidH, pillfH tiHtiH, mid dcplorcH iiincniuiuxipH of every H pec ten. It will t.'oiitllilMt thrnilKhniit Uw yearJHWt t'n rhiiftlrii tin (IrHt cIuhh. ItiHtrm-t tlx HtrniMj.Hiid dlKcntiti teimtice the third. All linnint tnen, with (mn nt cm vie tl n, whtti.r miiiinl or MilHtjiken, an lt frt-nd. And TIIK HVS iiiuIich im bnucH of telling thi truth in Hh frietidM tind about IU irtt-utiH wlieiiever ucanlnij ariHcH for pluln upeiiltlnu'. Thift-an ttn prliiHplea nMin which THE will bii oonducN (1 dm Iiim tin' year tn ciiiiifi, 'J'Iip year ih-mi will Uh oiih in which no pntrlntln Amcrl can Hftonl tnehme hlHcyn-i tn public atlalm, Itiniin pnHHibh tn f xBufrate the iinpnrtaiici nf tint political (vent which it nan In Hlnrc.nr thfi hcccfnlty of rctn. lute vlwilnnct en thi part (f every vHiTu Who (Icnirc to pri'Hcrvc thw Government Hint ih fntitnlern fynve im. 'I'hfi debiiifH and BflH nt ( Innircn. the tittcraiM't'H ot the preHH, the exclllln rrniteHtd nf the )ppiihll-uii and Ieni ncrut jmrtief. now nearly enua) In nrrcuth throughout the (miintry, the vnrvlnv drift 1 public Heullnieiit, will all b ar directly and effectively mum the twenty fourth Presidential flection, to he held tn November. Knur yi iii-h titfo next NoveuitHT the will nf the nation, nn ex ireatedat the pnlln, waw thwnttcd by an nlwiultihlf ooiiMiiiiaey, the prnnintera aud beti iiclariea nf which fdtll hold tlieoMiccH theyfitnle. Will thecrhneof lttbe repeated In lfHi? The pant decade of yearn opened with a corrupt, extravagant and (iiooieut duilnlKtraMnn in trenched at WtwhliiKtmi. TIIK MIN did nomethlutf toward dtah'ditw (he run ami breahiim1 Ita power. The fame men am now tntrltrulnir to rent ore their leader nnd themnelveH to plaren fmui which they with (Ulven lty the liiitlirnatloti nf tlmdenpln. Mill Ihey nueeeed ! '1 lie eoiuliih year will brtmr the annwern to thewe mo luentnUH (pieHtionn. Tbf Him will bn on hand tnrhrou icle the ftwt an they are developed, and to exhibit them clearly and ftarlewnly lu their relatione to ctxpedtency and rhfht, ThuM, with a habit of phllrvonhleal if(od hnmnr Jn lonhliiir nt the minor allaira of life, arid In threat thlniH a elciidfaft purnoee to malntiiln the i-iKlitn ol the people and th irl?n I plea nf the tVuiMlitntinu nainM all nio rea anra, Tho Hnn la prepared to write a truthful, inntrue ttvc, aud at the aamn time eiitertHlnfny hib"ry of lw). Our rnti'a of aulrfmriptlnn remain unr-hauied. J'or the Onlly Hna a four-pare paper of 2 c')lunn . thn price, b) mall, poHt-pabi, in tiH centaa Diotith.orDO HO a year : nr, including tlie H"- day najier, an 8-par -'cet of bit onlitmiiH, tin price la 05 cvula a muiith, ur 7 70 a year. pohIbk' paid. The Hunda edlttoTi of The Han la alno furufahed aeimrately at tiO a year, 'ofiatfe paid, The price tlu Weekly Hon, eKht pairm. flfty-alx mlumiiF, ft a year, pntfiKe paid. For cluha of t u aeudiuv Sl we will aeud ail extra c vy free. Addreaa I. W. KNOLA NP. PubMnher nf TnK Huk, New York City. TTKATlTliU! IilUTliEllT" JU8T Itl'X'EIVED A. IV w Htoolt Ol HOI.K T.KATHEK, CAI K HK1N8, UPHEllH ANI KIFB,' which be will oiler for sale at the Uiwest prices forC'asn or Froduce. Also, Hardware, Drays, GROCERIES, WINES & LIQUOR, Paints. Oils, VARNISHES, GLASS, PUTTY, Oil Cloths. WINDOW SHADES, OAK AND Hemlock Sole Leather. CALF SKINS, MOROCCO, Linings, Bindings, TOPPINGS, TOBACCO, CIGARS, &C. 150,000 First-Class Brick At JL.O-W Price. COME ONE! COMF. AIM 8. M. BtlULKK, Liverpool, Perrjr Co., Pa. IMPORTANT NOTICE. -The subscriber late of the firm of Khoades Mi Hmltb, would respectfully inform the citizens of ISLAIN and vicinity, that he bas opened a WAGON MAKKHHIIOP. and I prepared to make uew waaons and repair old ones at short notice, and at from TEN to TWENTY per eeut. cheaper than the old firm. WUIve me a call. Satisfaction guaranteed. JACOB BM1TU. Blaln. August . 187! 66 A WEEK In your town, and no capi tal risked. You can give the business a trial without expense. The best opportunity ever offered for th se willing to work You should try nothloH else until you see for your self what you can 1o at the business we offer. ' No room to exolain here. You can dev te all your time or onlv your spare time to the business, and make great, pay for every hour that you work. Women can make as much as men. Send for special private termi aud particulars, which we mail free. fi Outnt free Don't complain of hard times while vou have such a chance. Address Ii. I1ALLETT CO. Port laud, Maine. idly cz N Sf S U M PTIO can be cured bv the continnet iiseof OSMUv'B COI LlVKKOII.aud LAUIO PHOSPHATE Of LIME, a cure fur Consumption. Couvh Colds, Asthma, llronchiiK and all Hcrnfulous diseases. AHk vmir (IrnvuUt ffkr OMUI.KM n.,.1 luL..... a.K er. If he bas not got It, I will send six bottles unywncrc on receipted is. Heud for Circular. CI1AS. A. OSMUN. 4Hw6m lttneveulh Avenue, fi. V. y f mm- A Troubled Dutchmnn, A cpntleinun f Teutonlo exlmotlon name Into our olllue tlie other tiny aud liKjulml If we were In. We reiilk'd we were, Said h, ' I viuhU tolmf my vlfe put It) de impcr." " How V" we lieiilKiily Inquired. " I vaudt to haf uiy vlfe put In tie pa per," lie repealed. "Olyoti wIhIi your wife adverted," we coiiHlderntely relumed. " Yaaa," he retorted. "You r.ee," lie explained, " vo haf loUdrooploalioudt dot poy Yawooli, he van me vlfe'a on hy hi own fitter, und I van toldt her, who vas dot fitter! und alie say 'dots not noom of your lilBiieHU,' utid she van (?edt niadt und dla morning rdie vendt uuf nilt her futerV hoime. Now I vanilt It In de paper dot .he not tdruidit any pceples on my aekoundt." " Him she left your bed and hoard without any ciiiiho or provocation V" we nytn pathetically asked. " Val," he said, ".ho dukes no jiedts nilt her und no lumper (oo." "You don't understand, I mean has she goneawoy without any reason," we said. 41 Oh val I don't know If she stay dare mldoiit hcioiii reesou oder not, aher I WBiidt her In do paher no sshe' dotidt vas eoom hack," said he. "How long sshe vas In lu pahcr before I can get marrlet again V" "You can't get married again with out first obtaining a divorce," we ex plulned. "Deforce! vatlshdotV" lie asked. " Why, you must bring her Into court and havo a lawsuit; then if the judge thinks she ought not to be your wife any longer and says so, then you are at liberty to marry again," we replied. " Got to haf a lawzult," cried he terl iled. " I'y a tarn zlght no ! I vandt no more lawzulj; she haf a lawzult on me ven ve vas marrlet, und If I dondt vas marrlet her she vas cosht me more ash twenty tollars. No py cracloua I vandt no more lawzult. I run avay mlt my pruder-in law's vlfe und cosbt me noth ing. Goot pye." And he was gone. Lawyer Turned Carpenter. The lawyer who "filed a bill, shaved a note, cut an acquaintance, split a hair, made an entry, raised a hall, got up a case, framed an Indictment, empannell edajury, put them In a box, nailed a witness, hammered a judge, chiseled a client, and bored the whole court," all in one day has since "laid down the law," and turned carpenter. f& An old Scotch lady, who had no relish for modern church music, was ex pressing her dislike for the singing of an anthem in her her own church one day, when a neighbor said, " Why that Is a very old anthem; David sang that an them to Saul." To this the old lady re plied : " Weel, weel, I noo for the first time understan' why Saul threw bis jav elin at David when the lad sang to him." tUT A little boy was told by his grand mother to turn down a leaf In the fami ly Bible every time he told a lie. At the end of the week the old lady asked him how many lies he had told during the seven days. He silently banded her the holy book. She turned over page after page, and at length said angrily : " Why you little brat, you've lied all the way from Genesis to Revelations, and half way through the Psalms.", O A shirt has two arms, the same aa pantaloons have two legs. Yet one is called a pair, and the other is only one. Isn't it about time tbat we let up on politics and pay a little more attention to the every day trifles that vex the clearest minds? 3T " Come, doctor, It's ten o'clock ; I think we bad better be going, for it's time honest folks were at home?" "Well yes," was the reply, "I must be oil, but you needn't go on that account." - y You never saw my bands aa dirty as tbat," said a petulant mother to her little girl. "No, but your ma did," was the reply. CJT An ignorant old lady was asked by a minister visiting her if she had re ligion. She replied: "I have alight touches of it occasionally." (3 Why is a chicken sitting on a fence like a cent? Because the head is on one side and the tail on the other I 0 There is no necessity of " keeping your powder dry," when you are loading a squirt-gun. 4m
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers