t (THE TIMES, NEW KLOOM FIELD, PA. DECEMBER 17, 1878. 3 RAILROADS. PHILADELPHIA AND READING r7r ARRANGEMENT OF F A88ENGEK TRAINS. A'ov. lOtli, 1878. TRAINS LEAVE II AltHIHBUKO AS FOLLOWS For New York, at 8.20, 8.10 a.m. 2.00D. m., and 7.53 p. m. Fur Philadelphia, at 8.20, 8.10, (Uf a.m. 2.00 and 4 HO p. in. Fur Heading, at 6.20, 8.10, 0.45 a. m. and 2.00 4.00 nud 7.M. Fur Pottsvllle at 8.20. 8.10 a. in., and 4.00 &. m., and via Hchuylklll and Busquehauua ranch at 2.40 p. in. For Auburn via 8. & 8. Ilr. nt 8.R0 a. m. For Allniituwn, at5.20, 8.10a. m., and at 2.00, 4.00 and 7.53 p. in. The 5.20. 8.10 a.m., and 7.55 p. in., trains have through cars lur New Vork. The 5.20, a. in., trains have through cars for Philadelphia. SUNDAYS I For New York, at 5.2u a. in. For Allmitown unci Way Millions at 8.20a.m. For Retailing, Philadelphia and Way Matin unit 1.45 p. in. TRAIN 8 FOR II AHUI8IUTK0, LEAVE AS FOL l.OWH i Leave New York, at8.45 a. m., 1.00, 5.S0and 7.4;") p. in. Leave Philadelphia, at 9.45 a. in. 4.00, and 7.20 p. in. Leave Rend In K. at tl-40, 7.40, 11.60 a. in. 1.30, 6.15 and in. :)5 p. in. Leave Pottsvllle, at 6.10, 9.15 a.m. and 4.40 p. in. And via Schuylkill and Susquehanna Branchat 8.15 a. in. Leave Auburn viaR. ft H. Dr. at 12 noon. Leave Alleutown, at t-30d.MI, 0.0.) a. in., 12.15 4.30and.0p. ni. SUNDAYS: Leave New York, at 3.30 p. m. Leave Philadelphia, at 7.20 p. m. Leave Heading, at 4.40, 7.40, a. in. and 10.35 p. m Leave Allentown. nl2 30 a. m., and 9.05 p. m. J. K. WOOTI5N, Uen. Manager. 0. 0. Hancock, General Ticket Agent. tDoes not run on Mondays. Via Morris and Essex 11. It. Pennsylvania R. II. Time Table. NEWPORT STATION. On and after Monday, June 25th, 1877, Pas en ger trains will run as follows i EAST. Mlflllntown Aco. 7.32 a. it. dilly except Sunday. Johnstown Ex. 12.22 p. ., dally " Sunday Mall 6.54 p. m., dally exceptSunday Atlantle Express, ,9.51p.m., Hag, dally. WEST. Way Pass. 9.08 A. M dally. Mall 2.43 p. M. dally exceptSunday. Minilntown Acc. 6.55 p. M. datlyexcept Sunday. Pittsburgh Express, 11.57P. M., (Flag) daily, ex cept Biinaay. Faolllo Express, 6.17 a. m.. dally (flag) Trains are now run bv Philadelphia time, which Is 13 minutes faster than Altoona time, and 4 min utes slower than New lorK time. J.J. BARCLAY, Agent. DUNCANNON STATION. On and after Monday, June 25th, 1877, trains wlllleave Duncannon. as follows : JSASTWAKD. Mlflllntown Acc. dally except Sunday at 8.12i. m. Johnstown Ex. 12.53P. M., daily exceptSunday. Mail 7.30 P. M " " :lantlcExpresslo.20p. m., dally (flag) WESTWARD. Way Passenger, 8.38 A. u., daily Mall, 2.09 p. m dallyexceptSunday. Mitlllntown Acc. dally except Sunday at 6.1Hp.m. Pittsburg Ex. daily except Sundny (Hag) 11.33p, m. WM. C. KINO Agent. - .1: HALE'S HONEY OF HOREHOMD AND TAR FOR THE CURE OF Conglis, Colds, Infloenia, Hoarseness, Bifficnlt Erentttisg, and all Affections of the Throat, Bronchial Tubes, and Lungs, leading to Consumption, This infallible remedy is composed of the Honey of the plant Horchound, in chemical union with Tar-Balm, extracted from the Life Principle of the forest tree Aueis Hai-samka, or llalm of Gilead. The Honey of Horchound soothes ANi scatters all irritations and inflammations, and the Tar-balm cleanses and heals the threat and air passages leading to the lungs. Five additional ingredients keep the organs cool, moist, and in healthful action. Let no pre judice keep you from trying this great medi cine of a famous doctor who has saved thou sands of lives by it in his large private practice. N.B. The Tar-llalm has no bad taste or smell. PRICES 50 CENTS AND $1 TER BOTTLE. , Grent saving to buy large size. 'Pike's Toothache Drops" Cure in 1 Minute. Sold by all Druggists. N. CKITTENT0N, Prop., N.Y. T A rP'C'"'T,C obtained for mechanl L X V A. Jjj i lOral devices, medical or other compounds, ornienlal designs, trad D-marks, and labels. Oaveals,Asslgnnienis, Interferences, Suits for Infringements, and all cases arising un der the PATKM LAWS, promptly attended to. lNVENTIlOXSTUAT HAVE HIOF.IV REJECTED tlihtZL most canes, be patented by us. Being opposite the Patent Office, we can make closer searches, and secure Patents more promptly, and with broader claims, than those who are remote from Wash ington. INVENTOR S SB? "skeK your device; we make examinations free of charge, and advise as to patentability AH cor respondence strictly confidential. Prices low. and NO CHAKGK UNLEbS PATENT IS BE Ol' RED. We refer to officials In the Patent Office, to our clients In every State of the Uuion, and to your Senator and Representative In Con Bless. Special references given when desired. Address: C. A. SNOW & CO.. Opposite Patent Office, Washington. Ucan make money faster at work for us than at anything else. Capital not required 1 we will start vou ; 112 per day at home made by the Industrious. Men. women, boys and girls wanted everywhere to work for us. Now is the time. Costly oiitlit and terms free. Address TKDK ft CO., Augusta, Maine. 11 lyr THAT H0Q OF MINE. Ity A. 1IOOO KAYZKIl. WE LIVED In the West, Cynthia and I. We were born In the East, but, as our washerwoman kindly admitted when we bade her never mind tbe change from a dollar bill which we handed her in payment for seventy-five cents worth of labor, " People ain't to be judged too hard for the places they're born in." We were trying to keep house and keep up appearances on the salary of five hundred dollars which the prin cipal storekeeper in the town paid me for my services, and if Atlas had half 88 much trouble In keeping the world up on his shoulders in the good old times when men were always doing more than ten hours' work a day, I can only say that the ghoBt of Atlas lias my sincere sympathy. The little account book in which we kept our record of receipts and expenditures slowly became more terrible in our sight and our dreams than a collection of stories by tbe lute Edgar Allan l'oe would have been, and we dreaded its contents more than we did those of a certain great book which, as good church members, we should have been seriously concerned about. We resolved upon many stringent econ omies, but no sooner had we put one of them into practice than some unforseen but absolute household necessity came up to balance it. We .devised various plans of Increas ing our income, and I even sunk so low as to write a number of verses which I sent to certain popular magazines, with a request for a check as an equivalent. The only check I received was upon my own aspirations toward fume and for tune, for those poems came back with Buch unanimity that the (printed) let ters of declination which accompanied them gave us material for a years' sup ply of lamp-lighters. Matters went on in this way until they became worse, for by a method pe- cullar to young married people our fam ily came to consist of three people Instead of two, and the newest member, though by far the sweetest and best of the trio, soon became much the costliest. He could not walk, so we had to set up a carriage for him, his mere appearance brought with it a new bill (from the family physician) and he needed more new clothing before he was born than his mother and I had owned between us since we had been married. One evening, soon after my wife had recovered from the newcomer's ad vent, I sat moodily over our little account book, thinking of how. delightful it would be if figures could only lie, when Cynthia abruptly exclaimed : " I have a revelation." "So have I," I replied, pointing to tbe account book, "a whole book of rev elations, but there are'nt any golden streets in it." " Don't be irreverent," said Cynthia, "I am iu earnest. Let's keep a pig." " We have one," said I, pointing to the buby, who was rapidly resolving a bottle of milk into a hollow void. "Be sensible, Sam, there's a dear," expostulated Cynthia. "You know what I mean, a hog, a four-footed animal that is killed when he is big enough and fat enough, and that is turned Into hams, and bacon, and lard and things. We throw away enough of tuble-scrapB and leavings every day to keep a pig happy and fat." " You're an angel, my 'dear," said I, "and we will have a pig." And we did. There were several breeds of pies In the county, and I was at first at a loss from which of them to select my own private porker. I ex plained the cause of my indecision to Cynthia, and her womanly intuition came at once to my rescue. "Get the thinnest one you can find," said she. " The thinner he is, the less he will cost, and the more there will be of him to fatten. If we get a nice fat one, his weight won't Increase enough to pay for the trouble of feeding him." Thanking heaven for giving me such a wife, and determining to knock down the first man whom I heard saying that women were incapable of logic, I en quired among my employer's customers and soon learned that the thinnest pigs in the neighborhood belonged to an Irishman who never fed his swine, and who lived several miles from any forest where the animals could find nuts and acorns. It was held, by some, that this man's piga were thin because they had to exercise too much In getting their food; others, however, declared that tbey were not of the fattening kind, and that everything they ate turned to bone. The latter opinion Cynthia declared un reasonable. " There is an end to all things," she said. " After an animal has gained its full growth, Its bones can not go on growing; if they did, they would stick out through the flesh, like knobs on a bat-rack. Get a full grown pig, and whut he eats must turn to fat there's nothing else It can turn to.", In this course of reasoning there was not the leost perceptible flaw, so when I next saw the Irishman passing the store I called him In ond contracted with him for a pig, stipulating tliat he should be full-grown. The man was so overjoyed at the idea of getting some money that he promised to bring the animal at once, and when I reached home at supper time I found the pig, the Irishman, and the three sons of the latter, all in a tangle of ropes, sticks and profanity at my gate. I paid the man the money agreed upon and opened the gate. "Where do ye want the dhlvll?" asked the man. 'Just put him In the yard," I re plied. The animal's late owner guzed at me so strangely that my wife whispered he must have been drinking, and begged me to get rid of him at once. Bo I open ed the gate, the pig started In the oppo site direction, the man and two of the boys tugged at the ropes and the other boy plied a stick vigorously, the profan ity recommenced, and Cynthia clapped her fingers to her ears. "Let's be afther h'istln' him," said the Irishman finally. Then he grasped one of the pig's ears, one of the boys took the other, another seized the tail ; then they lifted the pig bodily over the low fence, while the third boy shut the gate. Then they loosened the ropes, gathered their slicks and departed, and Cynthia and I were left alone with our new possession. We made haste to con template him from the parlor window. Both of us kept silence for a moment or two, and then I remarked that he was not a beauty. " Very true," sold Cynthia, " but you must remember 110 one appears at bis best when suddenly placed amid strange surroundings." I admitted the truth of this plea, but was unable to perceive from what por tion of the anatomy he could exhibit beauteous line, even when surrounded by his chosen friends and every luxury that heart could reach. He was as long and lean as a Con federate blockade-runner which I had once seen brought Into a northern port, and when he was attending to business, which he speedily did under the attrac tions of a defunct cabbage, bis legs raked forward as sharply as the masts of the aforesaid vessel. His bead, by its shape and size, reminded me forcibly of a baby's coffin. His eyes were small, but alive with suspicious Inquiry, and his ears were as long as those of a rabbit. The bristles on the back of his neck and upon his shoulders seemed, in tbe gloaming of eventide, nearly as long as a peacock's plumes, and his ribs were as prominent as the hoops of a barrel. But, as Cynthia remarked, there was almost innumerable places about him where fat could be deposited. When he had finished the cabbage he espied us, and approached with the air of a modest interviewer (If the reader's imagination can picture such an indi vidual as possible). He stood under the window looking up,and suddenly thrust forth his snout. "Goodness!" exclaimed Cynthia, starting back a step or two, and getting behind me, " what's that V" " What's what, my dear V" " That funny, dreadful thing on the end of his nose. It looks like the new moon, only It isn't quite as big." " That's his snout," I replied, " he seems to be able to elongate or withdraw it at will, doubtless for some wise pur pose in the economy of nature." " Let's draw tbe shade," said Cynthia, shuddering. " I'm sure I'll dream about that dreadful thing." A good supper enabled Cynthia to re cover her self-possession, and we spent the evening in calculations of our prob able profits upon that pig. It soon be came evident, however, that even the most hopeful figuring would not enable the animal to make up the deficit which our exasperating account-book showed, so we determined to buy several addi tional pigs, and to do so before any one else should be as shrewd as Cynthia in determining what breed to select from. We arose early next morning to look at our new treasure, but the pig seemed to have been up several hours before us. Cynthia had scarcely reached our cham ber window when she exclaimed : " Why, who has been digging our po tatoes V 'Tis too bad, Sam some one has been stealing them during the night. Bee how irregularly they have dug." I looked, and my heart sank as I re alized my stupidity. How the hog bad learned that a fine crop of Early Rose's lay a few inches underground I do not know,but he had found them, and rooted up and eaten a great many. Fortunate ly every other garden crop had been gathered.so while Cynthia hastened into the yard and drove the hog into a cor ner, I went out and and hired a man to come at once to dig such potatoes as re mained. Then we ate breakfast. After the meal was finished I went into the yard and was thus accosted by my potato-digger : " Did you take him for a debt V" This, with a nod of his head toward the hog. "No," said I. "We got Mm to eat up our table-scraps ami kitchen-refuse." " He'll do it," said the man, " and," continued the potato-digger, who was an humble member of the same church with ourselves, " he'd clean out all the flesh-pots of Egypt, If you had 'em, without growlln' at being overworked." " Then he'd grow enormously fat," said I, adopting the aggressive form of argument, in my anxiety for a favorable expression of opinion about my live stock. "FatV" echoed the man, leaning upon his potato-fork, " why, all the fat of all them hogs that's lived since Noah turned their dud out of the ark wouldn't be enough to grease a rusty needle." "What what are they good for, then V" I meekly asked. "That's just the question," said the man, as he resumed his work. The man's apparent reticence annoy ed me somewhat, and I informed my wife of it. " Well," said she, " as we are going to have several hogs we can experiment with different kinds. Boppose we get some of those cunning, white, roly-poly pigs, such as we saw at the county fair. To be sure they're already fat, but If we buy young ones they will grow taller and broader." Again I blessed the star under which my sensible wife was born. That day I purchased two plump Bhoats which the seller assured me contained a very fine mixture of blood. Tbey wep in the garden when I went home to dinner ,and though they had Just arrived, they were busily examining the earth from which all potatoes were now removed. " That potato-digger," sold my wife as she met me at the door, " seems to be full of a cruel hatred for that hog of ours. If the anfmal just walked upon the grass-plat, which isn't near the po tatoes, the man threw great clods of earth at him. And I know they must have hurt him dreadfully, they made such a hollow sound." I promised to demand an explanation of the potato-digger, and we proceeded to dinner; after dinner, however, we looked into the garden and beheld our original hog and his two new compan ions all busily engaged in upturning with their noses the bit of grass which grew between the four clothes-line poles. "Oh, Isn't it dreadful 1" exclaimed Cynthia. "That first hog evident ly thinks there are potatoes under the ground anywhere, and he has taught the others to do as he does." Fortunately the garden was narrow, so I had three stakes driven in a "row behind tbe grass, sent down some fenc ing wire from the store,- and by night had the pigs fenced off In the back part of the yard, though not until tbey bad disarranged my grass-plat until it look ed like a highly magnified section of the moon's surface, with its abrupt cavities and elevations. But even then my trib ulations were not at an end. Around the yard, close to the fence, were hardy herbaceous plants which had died down to the roots, the autumn being well ad vanced ; there were also dahlias, gladioli and tuberose which had not been taken up; all of these were rooted up by my pigs, and some of them were destroyed. The new animals seemed to prefer soft ground, but the patriarch was above any such slothful tendencies; he in a single morning reduced a long section of garden walk to the condition of irregu larly plowed ground, and though his own walk was not straight and narrow as that of the righteous should be, he atoned for an occasional irregularity by his persistent industry. " What are we to do V" exclaimed my wife, as she tip-toed nervously in from the garden, holding at arm's length such of her precious plants as she had been able to rescue from the general ruin. " It's almost as bad as having the house ransacked by thieves."1 " I don't know, my dear," said I, "but I'll inquire." And Inquire I did, though the first result of my questions were counter-enquiries which compelled me to display my ignorance and its deplorable results. But one good-natured old fellow who had laughed heartily at my recital led me aside after I had concluded and said : " If you don't want a hog to make trouble you must treat it as you would a sweetheart give it a ring. Come around this evening and I'll show you how." There was a prayer-meeting that eve ning to which I should have gone, but I kept my engagement with the old man. He brought from a closet an odd looking pair of pincers, another and a larger tool which was a sort of combination of pin cers and tongs, and several little loops of coppered wire. " Now," said he, " you fit one of these loops of wire In the pincers, which you will notice are indented to receive tbe ends of these loops, or rings ; with the other band you seize the animal with the tongs, putting the smaller point un der his lower Jaw and the arched end across his nose ; while you hold Mm still with the tongs you hold the pincers so that one point of the loop Is Just behind the animal's snout, and the other as low on the nose as possible. Press the pin cers suddenly and firmly, and the loop bends, the points pierce the snout and meets Inside ; then remove the pincers, and you will see that your hog has a Triangular ring In his nose. Then whenever be tries to- root, this ring causes his nose to slide along the top of the ground; you could turn him loose In a field of newly plunted corn, and he couldn't get a grain." " But it's a cruel thing to do," said I, "It must hurt the poor brute dread fully." "Scarcely a bit," said he; " the snout of a hog 1b mostly cartilage, you know. The wound will heal almost instantly." I took my ringing appliances home and five minutes after I entered the yard in tbe morning the two Bhoats were admiring (or coveting) the ornaments in each others' noses. With the pa triarch I did not succeed so easily. Whether he had conscientious scruples against the use of jewelry, or whether he had peculiar Ideas on the subject of personal liberty, I do not know, but certain It is that Just as I gripped him with the tongs he gave his head a vigor ous twitch which threw me into a posi tion in which I could have rooted with ease had Providence endowed me with a nose of porcine peculiarity. Calling a neighbor to my assistance, however, and warning him to use both hands upon the tongs, tbe patriarch was speedi ly ornamented like his friends. He re tired to a corner for contemplation, and then, apparently realizing that time was precious, put his nose to the ground and attempted to root. He soon found that he could net thrust forth bis snout la in the usual manner, and for a moment or two his futile endeavors to see what prevented him, gave me my first im pression of a cross-eyed hog (with four legs). Suddenly the truth flashed upon him that I was in some way responsible for the Inconsequent manner in which his nose rambled over the ground; the sad, reproachful look he gave me then I shall not forget to my dying day. But that very day that hog of mine, that lean, capacious, loose-skinned hog, began to gain In flesh. Deprived of his customary exercise, and knowing no other, he devoted his entire attention to eating and sleeping. And now you have my story about That Hog of Mine, Big Words. Big words are great favorites with people of small ideas and weak concep- , tions. They are sometimes employed by men of mind, when they wish to use language that may best conceal their thoughts. With few exceptions, how ever, Illiterate and half-educated people Use more " big words" than people of thorough education. It is a very ' com mon, but very egregious, mistake, to suppose the long words are more genteel than the short ones just as the same sort of people imagine high colors and flashy figures improve the style of dress. These are the kind of folks who don't begin, but always "commence." They don't live, but "reside." They don't go to bed, but mysteriously " retire." They don't eat and drink, but " partake of refreshments." They are never sick, but " extremely Indisposed ;" and, in stead of dying, at last, they "decease." The strength of the English language is in the short words chiefly monosyl lables of Saxon derivation ; and people, who are In earnest seldom use any other. Love, hate, anger, grief, joy. express themselves In short words ana direct sentences ; while cunning, false hood, and affectation delight in what Horace calls verba sesquipeUalia words " a foot and a half" long. s3" We commend the following to our readers, and at tbe same time suggest that those to whom it specially refers commit it to memory and act according ly: "Some twenty-five years ago a young man just entered into business, was one duy reading a monetary article, when the follow paragraph- struck him with so much force, for its soundness, that he cut it out and pasted it over his desk in a position where he could see It whenever he sat down to write a letter. It is as follows: 'That man who is not content to loan his money at legal rates, but makes haste to get rich by embarking into hazardous enterprises, is a dangerous man to the community.' Twenty-flve years' experience and care ful observation strengthen my approval of this maxim." ' A Boy's Speech. A little Quaker boy, about six years old, after sitting in silence like the rest of the congregation, and being expected to speak first, as he thought, got up on the seat, and folding his arms over his breast, murmured, In a clear, sweet voice, Just loud enough to be distinctly heard on the front seat. " I do wish the Lord would make us all gooder, and gooder, and gooder, till there is no bad left."
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