T11H TIMES, NEW 11L00M FIELD, PA.. MAY 1878. u lint you liitve fluked Bonmcli to imiubpsh und follow mo." " 1 will follow you wllh plonsure," xalJ I , " If It were tlio world over;" for tlia Inorcnsliig light Hhowed me a lovely u omit ure na ever the buii slioue upon ; 'but an for tlio silver, you must excuse me there; I never stole anything before, :ind please Heaven I never will agnln." " Hurely you are an extraordinary per noli," snld the young lady suddenly, for the light seemed to bring a revelation likewise ;" you neither look nor talk like a robber.'' " Nor am 1. I am not even a robber -t am nothing and have not property in the world to the value of these arti cles of plate." "Then, If you are not robber, why miv you here t Why creep In at the area window, appropriate other people's hpoous, and get looked up all night In heir house V" " For no other reason than that I was hi a hurry. I had come home from tinrcelona, and was going to my gunr dlnn's next door,when your unfortunnte urea window caught my eye, with the llte on the table Inside. In an Instant 1 was over the rails and In through the window like a hnrleuln, with the In tention of giving the family a pleAsant surprise and my old monitress, Pinter Laura, a great inornl lesson on the Im propriety of her leaving her plate about tn so careless a manner." "Then you are (lerald, my denr (.aura's couhIii, so longingly expected, so beloved by them all." Here the young lady blushed and east down her eyes. What these two glrl9 could have been saying to each other about me I never found out, but there was a secret, I will go to death upon it. Phe let me out so quietly that neither Jier father nor the servants ever knew a syllable about the matter. I need not nay how I was received next door. The Governor swept down another sob with another blessing and another kiss ; and Laura was so rejoiced that she gave me another hearty cry and forgot to give me another lecture. My next four years were spent to more purpose than the first. Being in less hurry I took time to build up a nourish ing business In partnership with Laura's .husband. As for the baronet's daughter for we must get all Into the concluding tableau, why, there she Is, that lady cutting bread and butter for the children with as matronly an air ns Werter's Char lotte; she Is my wife, and we laugh to I his day at the oddity of that first inter view which led to so happy a denouement. Mow he was Caught. AilAIlDWAHEmanon Main street, the Rochester Sunday Jlcrald says, lately took an agency for a new kind of ice box for preserving cold victuals. It was a pretty good thing he thought, and it was only necessary to enlighten the public regarding Its real merits and indisputable advantages over everything else of the kind to cause a tremendous rush of customers eager to purchase ; so he eounseted with himself and tolilo quizedthusly : "That refrigerator must be brought before the people, and I am just the man to do it. Don't talk to me about your newspaper advertisements. I'll hhow folks how to advertise without cost. You don't catch me paying a paper for advertising, not I. I'm too old for that, and I'll show folks an Idea. Expect I'll make a fortune yet with my genius," and he laughed a satisfied laugh, aud at ouce set about making a practical test of his new method of diffusing Information. Ho mixed up a pot of black paint, procured beveral large sheets of card Iward, and after much experimenting aud repeated attempts, finally succeeded in producing two signs that read as follows : " Fifty dollars to the man who can prove that any two things put Into this ice chest will taste one of the other." He had a refrigerator rim out to the curb-stone, hung a sign over each side, and retired Indoors to wait the expected rush of customers. People passed up and down the street, jostled each other in their hurry, glanced at the ice box and its signs, and went on. After some hours of disappointed hopes and ex pectations the dealer saw a pedestrain halt, calmly peruse the wonderful an nouncement, aud rather hesitatingly advanced to the door. " Do you mean it V" he Inquired in an anxious tone, pointing over his fahouldcr to the Blgns. " " Yes-sir-ee," emphatically responded the dealer. 11 Put up your money V" insinuated the stranger. "No, sir," replied the dealer lu pom pouB style, " my word Is as good as the cash." " All right, I'll take you," responded the stranger as he departed. Some time after he returned with a box under each arm. " Stick to your agreement J"' lie lueried. "Of course I will," answered the dealer, wondering what III the Hume of Christopher Columbus the man had In view. The stranger set his box down on the sidewalk, and a crowd begun to collect. He told the dealer thnt he was afraid that he ( the dealer) would back out of the bargain, but the latter again asserted his readiness to put up the stamps if necessary. The stranger opened a box, lifted a cat out and placed her In the re frigerator; then he opened the other box and took therefrom a wire cage contain ing a large rat. " Now, mister," said lie, ."you Just shut that door In a hurry when I Hop this rat Inside, and I'll go you another fifty that one will taste of the other In loss'n live seconds. . The crowd yelled, and the dealer slammed the refrigerator door and slid into the stove, with a remark in Huh. slan about swindlers. He still refuses to recognize the stranger's lulm to the fifty dollars, but he has taken his sign in. Dried Apples. A few days ago a young lady resolved to show some of her knowledge of cook, ing. Dried apples, or "snltz," came under her immediate attention and there was a pound of them. These she emptied into a half gallon crock, poured water in upon them and placed them upon the stove. Not long after, while attending to other matters, her attention was drawn to tlio " suit.." They were trying to get out of the crock, and many of them did get out. This surprised her somewhat, but, concluding that there were too many in the crock for comfort she " dipped" a lot of them out. Not long thereafter she discovered that more of them wanted to get out of "hot water." Thinking it would be unwise to let so many escape, she clapped a lid over the top of the crock and covered it with a brick. She, of course, thought she had the " snltz" Imprisoned beyond escape; but she deceived herself in giving credence to that thought. This, however, was not her fault, for she possessed no kuowledge whatever, re specting the expansive qualities of "snltz." She thought she had things fixed, but the "suit," thoughtotherwise, und a loud noise Boon announced that something had happened. The cook's eur told her quite distinctly where the noise came from, and her eyes corrob orated the fuct. In brief, the " snltz" had kicked out the bottom of the crock and were crawling all over the stove lu quest of dry weather. This was too much for the new cook's patience, al though it was only her first effort at stewing dried apples. She didn't know what to do toward saving the lively, nutritious food and stood, hesitated loo long, and by the time she was able to collect her senses the " Biiltz" were not ouly spread all over the stove, but oc cupied almost every square inch of floor, thereby Illustrating the fact that one pound of dried apples, well watered, can go a great way in a house. Scene In a Police Court. " Take off your coat, Gihlta" Before Judge Snell.) " Where did you find this colored man, ofllcer V" asked the Judge. " I found him last night hanging around A. Saks & Co.'s clothing store," replied the officer. "A. Saks has had a good deal of clothing stolen lately, and I brought this man in on suspicion." " What is your name, prisoner 5"' the Judge asked. " Napoleon Bonaparte," answered the prisoner. "What is your occupation'!"' asked the Judge. " I'se traveling agent for do new pat ent whitewash brush, sab," said the prisoner. " Take off your coat, Oibbs, demanded the Judge. " I hope you 'scuse me, sah," said the prisoner, " I'se been troubled lately with the 'fluency In de head de 'zootlc, sah. I'se very bad." " Take off your coat, Oibbs." (Gibbs takes oir his coat slowly.) "Ah! Another coat under that!" exclaimed the Judge, " Nothing like being well wrapped up, as they say In Alaska when they go a skating. Take off your coat, Oibbs." "I Isn't well, I Isn't sah," De doc tors say, Napoleon, you wear plenty of clothes. De 'fluency, sah." (Takes off his coat.) "Ah! What have we here V" asked the J udge. " A swallow tail. Take off your coat, Glbbs." " Dls yere won't do, Judge," said the prisoner. " I'se got a stiffness in the borax ; I'se very bad." (Takes off his coat.) " Ah ! A double-breasted frock," ex claimed the Judge. " Take off your coat, Oibbs." " Bars gwlne to be a funeral here, dar Is sah," said Glbbs ; " I feels the stuff ness rising in de Wax." (Takes off his coat.) " What's this y A shooting-jacket.by the soul of Kim rod ! Take off your coat, Glbbs." " I'se gwlne for a kcrpus I'se getting cold," said Glbbs. Dls yere Is murder lu the first degree." (Takes off his coat.) " A linen duster, eh V" said the Judge. " I think I've you down to hard pan. Your crime In any community deserves punishment. In this one, however, doubly so ; for hero Is the house of Unit benefactor f the male race, Haks, by the very cheapness of his prices, lias often induced us to send detectives to ascer tain where he stole his cloth r whether the tailors who made them lived by their needle or not. A jnan who would steal of such a man deserves no mercy at our hands. Here officer, take him down. Gently, ofllcer, for he Is a Illy of the ral ey. He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Holomon In all his glory was not clothed like him. A Wondorful Lamp Chimney. WHEN Grandfather Liekshlngln heard It read from a newspaper that Mrs. Peter Klpley of Hhcrniun.N. Y., had a lamp chimney which they had used for thirteen years, he rapped sav agely on the floor with his cane and suld : "Now, what the dickens Is the uscofpultlu' such stud as that In a newspaper? If they want some Infor mation about lamp chimneys, let them come to me and get it. When me and your grandmother broke up house-kecp-iu' we had a lamp chimney that was a lump chimney. But you can tell your aunt's folks that It wasn't madoiii these shoddy times. I paid three cents in gold for It the day after we were mar ried. That was away back somewhere In 1700. We used it night and day for seventy-nine years and eight" " Why, grandpa, you didn't have to use It in daytime, did you V" " Didn't have to-no! But we did. Used It at night on the lamp, and lu the daytime we used it to drive nails with. Sometimes the girls cracked hickory nuts with it, aud the Street Commission er borrowed it several times to pound rocks on tlio street. One day he thought sure he had lost it. His workmen had left it on the track, and the street car ran over It seventeen times before it was found. "This lamp chimney had been In a rullroad collision, twenty-two lumps had exploded under It in its time, a mule kicked it through the side of a stable, and It camu'outof It all without so much as a crack. But It's broke now," said grandfather, with a heavy sigh. " Then you were foolish enough to al low the hired girl to attempt to clean It, were you ?" asked mother. " No, but we might as well. When we quit kecpin' house I gave it to a friend who lived In Boss county, Ohio. He was hard of hcarin,' an wanted it for an ear trumpet. One day Willian Allen tried to tell my friend that a greenback currency was the only tiling that would save this country, and busted the chim ney Into a million pieces," and grand father hammered the floor with his cane, and said it was a sad, sad day for this country when old Bill Allen was bom. A Milk Man's Trouble. When Thomas drove up to a house on Elizabeth street lutely, to deliver the usual quart of mixture, the gentleman of the house kindly Inquired : " Thomas, how many quarts of milk do you deliver V" 'Ninety-one, sir." "And how many cows have you V" " Nine, sir." The gentleman made some remarks about an early spring, the close of the Eastern war, and the state of the roads and then asked : " Say, Thomas, how much milk per day do your cows average ?" "Seven quarts, sir." "Ah urn," said the gentleman, as he moved off. Thomas looked, after him, scratched his head, and all at once grew pale, as he pulled out a short pencil and began to figure on the wagon cover. " Nine cows is nine, and I set seven quarts down Under the cows and multi ply. That's sixty-three quarts of milk. I told him I sold ninety-one quarts per day. Sixty-three from ninety-one leaves twenty-eight and none to carry. Now where do I get the rest of the milk ? I'll be hanged If I haven't given myself away to one of my customers, by leav ing a darned big cavity in these figures to be filled with water." Accommodation Paper. An Interesting case was recently tried in St. Louis, involving the responsibility of the maker and indorser of what is called accommodation paper. In the course of the decision the Court reiter ated the following as the legal rule iu such cases, which cannot be too well understood by all who have anythiug to do with notes or drafts for which not the maker but the endorser receives the proceeds ; " If the holder ot the note is informed that the maker is only nominally such, but actually an accommodation maker for the Indorser, he must deal with the paper and the parties with reference to their true relationships (o the obliga tion." In the present case , the makers were really sureties, and an extension of time to the actual principal, who was the Indorser of the original note which, In this Instance, was accom plished by discounting a new note, un indorsed, and retaining the original note without the assent of the surety, was held to be a discharge of that surety." - . - Noblemen In Business. COUTTH' bank may be token as a conspicuous Instance of the alliance between business and nobility. The daughter of the head of the firm, Miss MhJoi lhiinks. was lately married to the earl of Aberdeen, and one of the part ners U Mr. Dudley Kyder, a son of the carl of Harrowby. At the time of great commercial crisis the aristocratic ele ment has been singularly and sadly re vealed. Such a crisis was that of the South Sea Bubble company, lu which an Immense number of noble families were Involved. The same may be said of events of a very recent date the bubble companies of ltol, the railway year of lM.r,, and the disastrous financial years of 1H17 and IHtin. In fact, our no ble houses have never felt any reciit ance or compunction for being concern ed In commerce. It was perhaps something different with the old noblcHM in France. Sterne has a pretty story lu his Sentimental Journey of a baron or count who, In tending to go Into business, laid up Lis sword In the public archives until such time that he should make his fortune lu trade and reclaim It. He reclaims It at last and drops upon It one of those hap py tears which Sterne always had at his disposal. At the present day no noble man would think sword or escutcheon dimmed by contact with gold earned In commerce. Indeed, as the estates of many of our great nobles have develop ed In value aud connected with Indus trial pursuits, the nobleman who wishes thoroughly to understand his own pos sessions must have certain business and commercial qualities. Some nobles spend the best part of their lives in a business ofllco, and work steadily, with a brief Interlude for biscuit and sherry, from ten till four. They have to keep ledgers and day books ; haive stewards and sec retarics ; be bothered with lawyers and architects; and, on the whole, have rather a hard time of It. Some of them like It, and think that life would be very tolerable "if it were not for its amuse ment;" but, upon the whole, the inces sunt contemplation even of one's in tense solvency must be monotonous. A man's life does not consist In the abun dance of his possessions. ; . Looking Down the Chimney. It Is said of a man who looked down his neighbor's chimney to see what the man was cooking for supper, not only did he not find out, but was nearly blinded by the smoke. When you hear men say, "I have watched those who profess so much re ligion, and I don't see that they are any better than those who do not make so high a profession," depend upon It they have gob smoke in their eyes, and those whose eyes are full of smoke cannot sec very clearly. Denominational smoke is about the most blinding smoke we know of, and prevents the Gospel from taking hold of the masses more than any other agency. Were we to sit down by our neighbor's Are occasionally, instead of looking down his chimney, we would see many good points In his character that smoke will surely obscure. Influence of Climate on Race. Attention has been called to a curious instance of climate influence on race. In 1818 several hundred Wurtemberg families emigrated to Trang-Caucasla, and took up their abode in the neigh borhood of Tiflis. They were remarka ble for a broad, square build, fair or red hair, and blue eyes. The next genera tion changed somewhat, and brown hair and black eyes were seen. In the third generation the type of the original col onists was hardly recognizable. Black eyes and hair were the rule, the round face lengthened, the form gained slender ness and elegance. Inasmuch as they never Intermarried with another race, it is contended that climate alone must have effected the change. An Anonymous Letter. Perhaps of all the actions into which the evil passions of humanity are led, there is none more base than that of writing an anonymous letter. It is a moral assassination committed by a masked murderer, a lie without an au thor, the mean-spirited act of the disrep utable coward, In whose heart gall has replaced the wholesome blood.and whose malice, jealousy, and revenge vent themselves In slander. I would as soon trust my purse with a thief, my friend ship with the hangman, my name with a coquette, take a serpent in my hand or a liar to my heart, as hold communion of love, friendship or interest with the despicable writer of an anonymous letter. V14GKTINE FOIt DiiorsY. Central Kails, R. !., Oct. II', 177. Dr. 11. tl.'Ktevensi It Is a pleasure to give my testimony for your valuable medlelne. 1 was sink a lung time with Dropsy, tinder the doetors flare, lie nll It Water between the beartand liver. I rreelved no tienelltmitll I ooimneiined taking Vefietlnet III fact. I was growing mirn. 1 have trleu manv remedies) they did not help mo. Veaetliia Ik the iiiedlnina for Dropsy, I heKan to feel better alter Inking a fnw bottles. 1 dure taken thirty bottles In all. I am perfently well, never fell better. Mi (Hie call feel moro tliankhil than I do. I am, dear sir, gratefully your. A. 1. WHEEl.Kll. VKflRTf NR. When the blood becomes lifeless and stagnant, either from change of weather or of climate, want of exercise, Irregular dint, Or from any other cause, the Vegetlne will renew the hlook. carry on the putrid Iinmors.eleansn the stomach, regulate the bowels, and Impart a Inn (if vigor to the whole body. VEGETINE. For Kidney Complaint onrf. Ai.rvovn , , ' . Debility. Isleboro, Me., Deo. 2. 1H77, Mr. Htevens i Hear fslr. I bad tiarl ft eongli, for fllgliteen yearn, when I commenced taking the VegetlnP. 1 was very lows my system was debilitated by dis ease. 1 had the Kidney (!omiliiliit, and was vrv nervous eon vh bad, lungs sore. When I bad taken one bottle I found It was helping nii It was helping me; It has helped my cough, and it strengthens me. I am now able to do my work. Never Have found anything like the Vegetlne. I know II li everything It la recommendedtn be. MHH. A. J. I'KMDLKTON. ' VKdKTINK Is nourishing and strengthening! purines the blood: regulates the bowels; ijulrfs the nervous system: arts directly upon the secre tions; mid arouses the whole system to actiou. VEQETIN-E. I'Olt SICK IIEAUACIIH. Kvausville, lnd Jan. 1 , 187S. Mr. Btnvens : lleiirHlr. I have used vour Vfiitlit fi uuv Headache, and have I wen greatly ticiiHtlled there. bv. medicine, i nave every reason 10 ueueve It to be ag'Hcl Yours verv resn M&8. JAM KH CONNKft. 411 Third Ht IIKAIiACIIK There are various causes for headache, as derangement of the circulating sy. tern, of the digestive organs, of the nervous sys tem. c. Vegetlne can be said to lie a lure rem edy for the many kinds of headache, as It act directly upon the various causes of this com plaint. Nervousness, lndlgestlou,4.'ostluess, Itlietx mathm, Neuralgia, 1IIIoiisiichk. &c. Try tl. Vegetlne. You will never regret It VEQETINE. IHWTOH'S JtEl'OltT. Ir, Chas, M. Duddenliausen. Apothecai v. Kvausville, fnd. The doctor writes: 1 have a large number of good customers who take Vegetlve. They an siieak well ol It. J know It Is a good medicine for the complaints for which It Is recom mended, Jlec. 27, 1S77. ' VKflETINK Is a good Panacea for our Sge.f fathers and mothers: for It gives them strength, pilets their nerves, und gives them Nature' sweet sleep. ri:)iiixi:. HOCTOK'B ItKI'OKT. . il. It. Htevens: I ear Hlr, We have been selling your valuahW Vegetine forS years, and we ft rid that It give perfect satisfaction. We believe It to lie the besr, blood purltler now sold. Very respectfully, Uh. J. K. BHOWN & CO.. Druggists, I'nloutowii.Ky. - . . , Vegetlne has never fulled to effect a cure, giv Ing tone and strength to the svsicm debilitated by disease. May v i: a i : i' i in i ; Prepared H. K. STEVENSjJoston, Mass. . Vegetlne Is Mold by all Draggisbi. jyjUSSER & ALLEN f CENTRAL STORE, NEWPOIIT, PENN'A. Xow offer the public A HAKE AND ELEGANT A9.SOKTMEM V DRESS GOODS ; Consisting sf all shades suitable for the senou. If LA CK ALPA CCAS AND Mourning Goods A SPECIALITY. BLEACHED AND UKBLEACHEI MUSLINS, AT VARIOUS PRICKS. ) AN END I.E39 SELECTION OF- PRINTS! ' We sell and do keep a good quality of SUGARS, COFFEES & SYRUPS. And everything under the head t GROCERIES ! Machine Keedles and oil for all makes of Machines. To be convinced, that our goods are CHEAP AS THE CHEAPEST, IS TO CALL AND EXAMINE STOCK. tBf No trouble to show goods. Don't forget the CENTRAL STORE, Newport, Perry County, Pa.' J. M. tiigvis. J. If. Gmvm. J. M. GIRVIN & SON., FLOUR, GRAIN, SEED &l PRODUCE Commission 3Ierthants, o. 64 South ;nj, St., BALTIMORE, MD. We will pay strict attention to the sal? ot l. kind of Country Produce and remit the amount-, proruutly. , 451vr. ' " J. M. GIRYTX SOX.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers