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GRAPE SKINS.
If :saw a man of portly estate
Walking the street with a regal gait;
Jos.t the man the - the eye will suit,
and nice from hat to boots.
tWerfect his coat, so neat his vest,
An exquisite taste was manifest;
And every one who chose to scan
Could only say—" What a tasty man !"
Alas for the glory of human pride,
As frail and fickle as the tide!
For the polish of blacking, and brush and o
One little spatter of mud may spoil.
E'en as he walked the pave along,
With head exalted and footstep strong,
tie trod on a grape skin in his. way,
And a mutt disgraced in the dirt he lay !
This moral 11 drew from what I saw:
There are men in the world without a flaw,
Who are in such robes of sanctity found,
And suck rare manes engirt them . round,
That we /nimble ourselves as we pass them by
With reverent and admiring eye,
Saying, while viewing such merits rare ;
" Bless us, what good men they are
nut, alas for the glow of human pride,
As (mil and fickle es the tide!
In the world of men they exalt their horn,
Aa though of a better clay they were born.
llut there in their path the grape skins wait
Temptations hidden perhaps till late—
One step of the foot—one curvetting lurch,
And down they come from their eminent perch
In dress or morals. 'tis much the same ;
And happy is he who wins his fume,
If he die at US zenith, nor has to wait
Till he slip and fall through invidious fate.
Ile tnay dodge the rock and shy the cloud
That threat kis step and bearing proud.
But Mt him not crow till danger's past—
by a grape skin be overcast.
INV FOR AIAriIEMATIC/AXS.-- "Fa.
ther," said a young hopeful the other
day, "how many fowls are there on this
table ?" "Why," said the old gentle
man, as he looked complacently on a
pair of nicely roasted chickens that were
smoaking on the table, "There are two."
"Two ?" replied the smart boy, "there
are three, sir, and l'll prove it." "Three!"
neplied the old gentleman, who was a .
plain matter-of-fact man, "I'd like to see
you prove it." "Easily done, easily
done. Is not that one r said the smart
boy, laying his knife on the first; ''and
that two?" pointing to the second ; "and
do not one and two make three ?"---
"Realy," said the father, turning to his
wife, who was stapified at the immense
learning of her son, "really this boy is a
genius, and deserves to be incouraged ;"
and then, to show that there's fun in old
folks as well as young ones, he added,
"Wife, do you take one fowl and I'll
take the second, and John may have the
third for his learning,"
— sr The tong contest as to which of
the two great States of Pennsylvania
and New York has contributed the
largest force to the army of the Union
has at last been decided by the govern
ors of these States respectively. Ac
cording to Governor Morgan's last
message, there are now is the field, from
the. State of New York, 89,034 soldiers,
and if there be added to this the volun
teers now in the State itself, an avail
able force of 103,307 is shown. Accord
ing to the last message of Governor
Curtin, there are now in the field from
the State of Pennsylvania, 93,577 men,
And if there be added to this force the
feivotAers now in the State of Fenn-
MlT** ea Available force of 109,615
Fien IS above, This is a highly grati
h'ing fact. Whexi we consider that the
population of p',etiesylvauia is one mil
lion smaller than that of the Empire
Atate.
ar d Country Clergyman., opposed
,to the use of the violin in church-sergitea,
wits overruled by his congregation, who
odetermined upon having one. On the
following Sunday, the parson commene-
Ad the service by exclaiming, in long
4rawn scoente, "You may and
p•i-n-g the fortieth psalm.
A Fellow advertised in Boston,
that for four shillings remitted, he would
send beantifujly engraved portraits of
George Washington and Benjamin
Franklin. A noodle sent on the
Pekes's.," awl received by return mail it
three an 4 * one cent postag* stamp
(
F_ L_ Saber, Proprietor_
VOL. 8.
How Peter Funk does Business.
"Burleigh," the New York corres
pondent of the Boston Journal, writes
the following leaf in the history of Peter
Funk and his doings :
Some time since a rural Colonel from
the West came to New York to make a
speech. He was met the next day by
a gentleman who .called him by name—
knew him well—was charmed with the
fever of his Western eloquence—with
the force of his oratory, with his un
faltering patriotism ; to all which the
Western orator .bowed in the lowest
humility, avowed his sense of unwcirthi
nese, and his inability to enlighten a
New York audience ; but expressed a
warm appreciation of the manner in
which the people listened to his poor
remarks. A. fellow feeling was at once
created, and confidence, that plant of
slow growth, seemed to come forth as by
a miracle. The pair reached a store in
Broadway, the ownership of which the
new acquaintance of the Colonel avow
ed. It just pdpped into the mind of the
Colonel that he had a lovely daughter
at home, fair as a prarie rosebud, which
soon was to bloom in a conservatory of
a waiting swain, who held in his im
patience to make the fair flower his own
till the Colonel should come home from
New York. Now the daughter needed
a gold watch, and he proposed to buy
one. The new friend or the Colonel
allowed that he kept watches in his
establishment, but had none that were
worthy the attention of the distinguish
ed gentleman and his fair daughter.—
Ile had some, it was true, but as they
could be sold for the paltry sum of $125
to $3OO, it was not worth while to look
at them. And, moreover, the city of
Ne..w York was a bad place fur stranger;
men got cheated every day, and he would
do well to look sharp at all men who
wanted to sell him anything, and be
espe . cially careful of the company he got
into. For all this he was profoundly
grateful, and persisted in going into the
store and taking a look at the jewelry,
as he knew a thing or two, and the man
would rise up early in the morning who
got the better of him.
Now let me say to the reader that
this friend of the Colonel was one of
the sharpest Peter Funks iu New York,
and his store the head-quarters of mock
auctions. So in the man went. An
elegant watch was shown the Col., one
of great value, worth $l3O, and cheap
at that. So a bargain was struck, and
had the Colonel gone on his way all
would have been well. But at this
moment two men came in—one a custo
mer and one a "down town" jeweller.—
The jeweller opened the business. His
friend, he said, was about to buy a watch
for $2OO, and like a wise man as he was
he would not purchase until some one
that knew all about watches had passed
judgment on it. So the watch was
handed out, examined and found to be
all right. A new thought came over
the Colonel. He would have his pur
chase examined. He would—and when
the back of the, seller .was turned, he
said in a wisper, don't take it. But the
money had "been paid. The jeweller
knew how to teenage that. The whole
stock was examined, only one found
that would suit. That hung , by itself
on a black velvet case. That could not
be had. It had been sold to a man who
was to " call for it at two, precisely."
It was a watch of rare value,' and could ,
not be had at all, and if it could it was
invoiced at $2OO. But that particular
watch the Colonel resolved t'o have.
The parties all waited till the City
Hall alarm bell rung out ,the hour of
two, when the Colonel demanded the
watch. The jeweller seconded the call.
The seller was in doubt; his conscience
was tender; he wanted to do the fair
thing; but concluded to hand the watch
over, and the additional $5O was paid.
The watch was hardly in the pocket of
the buyer, before panting with heat and
haste, the man for whom the watch was
kept, came running in—he had been
detained by the omnibus—•and demanded
his watch. West was his indignation
when be found it was too late. The
watch wail his ; he would have it ; it
was two till it was three ; would give
five dollars, ten, fifteen. But the Col.
would not yield; he did not trade in
watches; he had bought one, it suited
him, and $5O was no object. A quarrel
followed; glass was broke ; noses bled ;
the Tombs loomed up before the Col.,
and to keep the watch and make all,
square, $5.0 more was paid; and he de
parted.
111. trutt 4rt
vn 46ciudent c ( ptuns ll lbaitia lomat for It lainik girth.
MARIETTA, JANUARY 25. 1862.
Of course the reader knows that the
jeweller and his friend, and the panting
man running in too late to carry off his
watch were all bogus, and parts of the
establishment to carry on the. Peter
Funk business. On arriving at his hotel
the $2OO watch was found to be brass.
The Police were called in, but the
jeweller and the store . was closed. Eln
could get no relief. He concluded to
shake the dust of Gotham off his feet
and go home. In a frame of mind not
exactly Christian he took his seat in• the
car—left in a moment to go out ; came
back, found' an occupant in his seat,
ordered the interloper . out; as the cars
were crowded the new corner could not
see it. Viewing all men as conspira
tors, he took the law iu his own hands—
gave the intruder a beating, was arrested
and locked up in the Tombs, and left
for home, after paying in all $l,OOO,
with the fixed resolution that when the
party needed a speaker, he should not
come out to New York to make the
oration.
No FRONT TERTEL—A musician re
cently undertook to trade cows with a
certain neighbor H—, but after some
bantering .11—told the man that his
" old cow was not worth a song," .she
was so old that she had no teeth in her
upper jaw, and could not therefore eat
young grass. Singing friend laughed,
looked wise, and went off whistling.—
But the remark of H—preyed upon his
mind, and he accordingly went aad,ex
amined old brindle's mouth, and to his
horror and snprise he found that she
was entirely destitute of upper teeth !
Infuriated, he drove old brindle two
miles to the house of the man he had
bought her of, through a driving rain
storm, with mud up to his knees, and
after berating the surprised man for
selling him such a cow, demanded his
money back at once. .A,s soon as he
could get in a word edgewise, the farmer
told the angry man that cows never
wore such teeth on the upper jaw, and
to convince him, took him out to the
barn yard, when after examining the
mouths of a dozen or 'so cattle,young
and old, the singing man drove old
brindle into the road and trudged home
behind her, a sadder and a wiser matt.
A M ELANCHOLY ACCIDENT.—On Tues
day morning, the 13th inst., two little
boys, named Lowe and M'Nary, hitched
up a Newfoundland dog in a sled, and
went to take a ride upon the Scioto
river, near Columbus, Ohio, The ice
unfortunately broke, and both the little
fellows went under. When the boys
fell in, the dog made most frantic efforts
to save them. In the struggle he tore
himself loose from his toy harness, and
went crushing a perfect channel through
the ice to reach the bodies of his little
masters. Efforts were made to resusci
tate, but all availed nothing. The boys,
both of them bright, and beautiful child
ren, were gone. It is a most distressing
accident, that smites the parental hearts
of two most estimable families •with
unutterable grief.
EMIT CHILDREN AT A BIRTII.7—On the
2d of August, Mrs. Timothy Bradlee, of
Trumbull county, Ohio, gave birth to
eight children—three boys and five girls,
They are all living, and are healthy,
but are quite small. Bradlee's family is
increasing fast. He was married six
years ago to Eunice Mowery, who
weighed 273 pounds on the day of her
marriage. She has given birth to two
pairs of twins ; and now eight more,
making twelve children in six years.—
It seems strange, but nevertheless is
true, Mrs. Bradlee was a twin of three,
her mother and father both being twins,
and her grandmother the mother of five
pairs of twins. Mrs. Bradlee has nam
ed her boys after noted and distinguish
ed men ; one after the Hon. J. R. Gid
dings, Who has given her a splendid
gold medal ; one after the Rev. Hon.
Elijah Chacplain, who gave her a deed
of fifty acres of land, and the other after
James Johnson, who gave her a cow.—
Letter in N. Y. Tribune.
Cr Oliver Wendell Holmes calls a
kiss a limpid consonant. He should have
added that it usually follows a vo/ca/,
however consonant it may be to the
feelings.
a- Prentice pays, "Charleston was
shut in with a darn of stone, and the
next day she was nearly burned up..—
Like a dead sinner, she was first danald
and then, consigned to the flames."
Ter - rY)—C>n_e 3Dllar a '"Y"ear..
.A Ikea NEW Yeari's Gls-r.—lt is
stated; by those who. know, 'that among
the papers taken in the house of that
adroit and fearless rebel, Mrs. Rose O.
H. Greenhow, are .a number of most
interesting and piquant epistols • from
distinguished individuals. Mrs. Green
how is the widowof the *ell-known ex
plorer, Robert W. Greenhow, who re
sided in this city for a long time, and
afterwards removed to California, where
he died. She returned to WaShington
subsequent to his death, arid was engag
edin prosecuting certain claims in which
her husband was interested; alternately
appealing to Congress and the United
States Supreme Court. A handsome
person, pleasing address, good •education
and great conversational powers, gave
her considerable influence in certain
circles here and elsewhere, and, as she
was strongly' pro-slaVery, made her a
special favorite of the Southern states
men, and of all those who sympathized
with them. Thus, she not Only attended
to• her own affairs, but took charge of
the affairs of others. Mrs. Greenhow
was much more popular With the gentle•
men than with the ladies.
Her residence was the resort of those
now in arms against the Government,
arid if 'their tender missives to this
fashionable and dashing intriguante ever
see the light of day, some • amusing re
sults will ensue. I give it as a mere
rumor, that among her correspondents
the Venerable and virtuous ex-President,
of the United States, James Buchanan,
and the equally virtuous, but not quite
so venerable, President of the so-called
Southern Confederacy, Jefferson Davis.
I have not seen their letters, which are
supposed to be under the lock and key
of the Secretary of War,'but it is sug
gested that these two apostles of Seces
sion more than once prove that theiwere
not insensible to the great influence of
Mrs. G. Messrs. Breckinridge and Joe.
Lane, are also said to figure in this
interchange.of opinions, and the polish
ed and graceful Yancy adds some of his
choicest contributions to the collection.
General Cameron, however, is so pru
dent and
that
in regard to these
letters, that I presume,.they will never
be permitted to see the vulgar light' of
day.--Washington Correspondent of For
ney's Press.
PRESSED VEGETABLES.-A soldier writ.
ing from the Potomac about the "food,"
says : 'fWe get a substance for soup
called 'pressed, vegetables.' It looks a
goud deal like a big plug ,of 'dog leg'
tobacco in shape and solidity, and is
composed in part of potatoes, onions,
beaus, garlic, parsley, parsnips, carrots,
&c. I acknowledge eating two China
tin plates full without any convulsions
of nature, and can now speak the Ger
man language with fluency."
ttr Big Bethel, and all the country
between that and Newport New's bas
been deserted by the rebels. • A recon-
noiteriug party of 700 . frinn Newport
News, penetrated to the fortifications
on Friday last, and found, the place de
serted, though apparently occupied re
cently by some 3000 or. 4000 troops in
cluding 200 or 300 cavalry. It is sup
posed that they had gone to Yorktown
to assist in defending the place against
a Union attack which was daily expect
ed.
Cr We are glad to, hear that the
Secretary of State has decided to issue
no more passes to ladies to and from
Washington. It has been ascertained
that in nearly every instance where
these favors have been granted to wo
men, letters and other. documents have
been concealed in their clothes, convey
ing important information to the rebels.
In future, the crinolines who even ap
ply for passes will be searched ; but it
will 'be' futile to make such search,
unless it be particularly thorough.—
Their means of concealment are many.
Ur A Great, Fuss has been
. made a
bout "Dollar 'jewelry," but if you want
to make a really cheap preient to your
sweetheart, give'her a dime and pin:
Cr Let any, lady paint who. chooses.
If she raises a hue on her cheek, that's
no, reason you should raise, a hue and
cry:
ar Stupid People may eat, but
shouldn't talk. Their mouths will do
well enough as banks of deposit, but not
of issue.
gar A man that has no virtue in him
self envies it in others.--Bacon.
NO. 26.
A ROMANCE . OF REAL LIFE.-.—A _letter
from Rome gives an account of a re
markable suicide which has taken place
at Naples. A Mr. = Kenrick, an elderly
gentleman, appears to have been inti
mate with a Miss Gray, a young and
pretty, Englishwoman, with whom he,
has been living at Rome and at Naples.
It appears that Mr. Kenrick's relatives
in England, who are 'wealthy, paid no
heed, Under the circumstances, to his
applications for remittances, and that.
the two thereupon resolved on suicide.
From what Subsequently transPired, it
seems they must have gone directly to
the Public gardens of the Villa Reale,
on the sea-shore, where .the cafe being
open, they took a glass of or rosolio.
They then clinied over the low wall, of
the villa where a semic - irc — ular space
overlooking the sea is furnished with
stone seats, and descended on the beach
where MiSs Gray tied her dress round
her ankles, and filled it from the waist
with sand, Mr. lienrick effecting the
same purpose by filling, the besoni of
his shirt, his waistcoat, and coat-sleeves
with sand and stones, Miss Gray supply
log the necessary strings and tapes, from
her own dress. They, then tied them
selves together round the waist with,
their pocket-handkerchiefs, and deliber
ately lay down to die in the sea, which
at that point is not more than two or
three feet deep. They had the resolu
tion to endure suffocation, and their
corps were, seen in the transparent
water next morning at daybreak by a fish
erman. Mr. Kenrick's life was insured
for £3OOO, which his heirs lose from the
fact of his having committed suicide.
FUNERAL OP A CENTENARIAN.—On Fri
day afternoon the 3d inst., the funeral of
Michael Commins took - place from his
late 'residence, Tenth street, Phila
delphia. It was •attended by a large
number of the descendants of the de
ceased, to the fourth' generation. Mr.
Commins was born in Wexford, Ireland,
in the year 1757, and had attained vig
areas manhood at' the time of the Dec
laration of American Independence:—
he was over forty years of - age 'at the
time of the Irish Rebellion in 1798, in
which he took an active part. He has
always been gifted with excellent health,
and at the time of his death had a sten
torian voice. His wife is at present•
living, having attained the' ripe age• of
one hundred and three years: The
couple were married eighty -two years
ago. The old lady still attends church.
MR. RAREY IN SPAIN.-Mr. Rarey, the
horse tamer has arrived, at Madrid. A
letter from the Spanish capital. says.;
"Mr., Rarey" strange to say, does not ap
pear to have roused the curiosity of the
Caballeros, who, possibly consider their
knowledge of horse-flesh
,already superi
or to that of all others. However, he
did perform before her : Majesty Isabella
and her Royal Consort, if report speaks
truly, in white kid gloves and a dress
coat, and having successfully calmed the
fiery temperaments of two half wild
Andalusian colts, received a donation
of if,200, which must have sent him on
his way with a full parse and a light
heart. Moreover 'tis said he has chal
lenged the lovers of the bull ring to sub
'due, without the aid of matader weapon
or Toledo blade, the wildest bull they
can produce."
• of The Union Fire-arms Company,
'of New York city, whose principal
armory will be at Newark, N. J., are to
execute contracts for the n3anUfacture
of 90,000 stands of small arms, embrac
ing- 25;000 'of Marsh's breech and min
ale-loading rifles, and 65,000 Springfield
rifle muskets. The company, organized
under the laws of New York, with a
'capital of $400,000, will give employ
ment - to several thousand mechanics,
among whom will be many of the loyal
citizens 'of Harper's Ferry, who were
'thrown out of work by the destruction of
the national workshops.
for. The- best sometimes err, yet still
remain the best ; while the worst do
well at times, yet still, remain the worst.
ar He that is good will becoine bet
ter,- and he that is bad, worse ,; for virtue,
vice, and time, never stop.
Thwsight of a drunkard is a.-bet.
ter sermon against that vice,- than the.
best that ever was preached upon that
subject,
tifir A smile may be bright while the
heart is sad. The rainbow is beautiful
in the air While - beneath is the moaning
of the sea.
Row to Lean on a Gentleman's Arm.
A short essay might be written on
this subject, as one sees it practiced on
the evening and moonlight promenades.
Without knowing a single person, it is
possible to determine the enact degree
of relationship which they sustain by
this simple and involuntary indication.
There is the comfortable lock 'matrimo
nial, allowed only to stout, respectable
fathers and mothers of grown.up sons
and daughters—and the lounge confi
dential indulged in by cousins, and
sometimes, when there is mischief afoot,
and they aro sot fighting, by affection
ate brothers and sisters. Then there is
the gentle pressure of trust from a you,g
wife, and the daring pressure shameless
of a married flirt. The light' "foie ett young girl upon a strange coat sleeve,
and the tender fold of a lover and his
pretty fiancee. A hundred other meth
ods might be enumerated, especially if
one could follow them out , of the glare
of the gaslight and into the shadow of
the walks and avenues but -the most
disagreeable of all is the formerly fash
ionable juxtaposition, ~of shoulder .to.
shoulder, the gentleman's arm held at
au angle, to support the elbow of the
young lady. This close and confiden
tial style is still affected by some very.
loud talking and showy yormg,,ladies, but
whether gentlemenlenerally admire it
or not in young women, tis a doubtful
question. . •
GEN. MCCLELLA.I7'S STRATEGY.: The
Now York Post says, that the followieg
extract flora a letter reegiyed ip,that
city by a prcominont citizo, comes from
a responsible source•:
, ,
IVAstirsczox, 4 - armary, * The
night of the rebellion > has passeclotpd
the dawn is about ,brealting, Before
the present month has gone, these things
will surely come to pass :,Gen..lialleck,
with the great flotilla, and an army of.
one hundred thousand stpag,will sweep
like an avalanche dowtk the Mississippi.,
where they will. he joined by General,
Butler in New. Orleans and Mobile.—
General Buell, with nearly pr,quite the
same force, will march into, Tennessee,
capture Nashville, and cooperate with
the Union forces ina manner mid ,diree
tion it would not be Politinnow to poir4 ,
out. Generals Rosecrana
will advance from, Western 1 7 , - trginia
and do their share. in harmony with the
general plan. . Generals Bunke and
Stone will move in conjunction, with
the rest from the Upper Potomac.—
General Burnside will,,dolaia,oppointed,
work in - Virginia. Gen. Sherman will
explain by deeds, not words, his inaction..
General McClellan will force the rata
from their holes at 'Manatisati; attack
them at three points , at once,. and "fulfil'
his modest pledge; thit thecwar will be'
"short but despetate."" I do not' give
you more then the general outline
these simultanaous movements.'"'-The
details of the grand plan or this care
paign. will startle the world,' and vindi ,
rate Generid 'McClellan's`high repute-
tion for military strategy.- The men
and supplies 'are nnw , for the first time,
nearly ready. ThOdelays eteused'main-.
ly by "red tape" and imbecile fossifs
and out ofthe departments, and by. thiev,
ing, contractors
, and material men,
be accounted for, and the blame placed
where it belongs. A , prentatuie,Traove-,
merit would have deranged the plan of
the whole campaign, which is so perfect
that success is certain. A bad move r .
untimely made,. might • have hazarded
the game. The impending fate is, closer
at hand in a limitled-number of forced
moves. The loss of a piece here 6'
there, the defeat of one or another divi
sion of the army; cannot affect or pro--
long the result. The combinations al'e
so perfect that failure is impossible I"- .1
ihr A pretty girl was: lately com—
plaining to a Quaker friend that she
had a cold, and was sadly plagued in
her lips by chaps. "Friend," said Oba
diah, "thee should never suffer the
chaps, to come near thy lips,"
As flowers never put theft., best•
cloths for Sunday, but wear spot
less raiment and eMlale their Oder,every
day, so let your life, free from stain,
ever give forth the fragrance of the love
of God.
During an examination, &medical
Student being asked, "When doeg mor
tification ensue ?" he replied, Wien,
you pop tho question, and are, answered,
Cr Life has been called a iarefare.
Blessed, then, is the periodical emit**
of the Sabbath. It is only in the pauses
of the fight that we can see'how]the:
battle is going.
itir A lazy fellow begged alms, saying
he could not find bread' roc.
" Nor I," replied an industrionli Mechan
ic; "I am 'obliged to work for
gar Many a good', leg
, is 3wst., is
battle ; thousands of fello6 wa
proudly into a war andlop
ge The mind is like a trunk. Itweill
packed, it holds almoit everything
ill packed, next to nothing. 4
tEir II the petticoat government' is
not more oppressive now then formerly,
it is certainly donblein extent.