133 0 117 V; lalair.
VOLUME XXII.
A L L
NMI 11111/11110 el/
NOGYLAND'E GERMAN SITTERS
HOORAH'S GNU TONIC,
rowan* by Dr. - Jackson, Phttallebbla.
Tbelr Introduction into this country from Germany
iocurnid Ip
VW& • -
THEY CUBED YOUR
FATHERS AND MOTHERS,
AM will cure yen and your children. They are
3EI
entirely different from the many
preparatkma now In the country
called 'Bitter" or Tonics. They.sra
no tavern preps. ration, or anything
'thecae; but goad, honest, reliable medicine*. They
are
•
. EeigievisiceilwOurn rigicaudgt
Liver Complaint.
.. DYSPEPSIA,
iNervous Deblity,
JAVEDION,
Diseases of the Kidneys.
''' ERUPTIONS OF THE SKIN;
lad all Diseases arising hem a Dim:W.
dered Liver, Stomach, or
IMPURITY OP TER BLOOD.
Constipation, flatulence, Inward Piles.
Fullness of Blood to the Head. Acidity
of the Stomach, Nausea Heart.
hurniisgust for Food. Fulness •
Or Weight in the Stomach.
Sour Eructations, Sink
ing or Fluttering at the
Pit of the Stoma ch_ ,
Swim
ming of the Head, Hurried or
_ Diftlonit_Breathing,--Fluttering
at the Heart, 0 Choking. 02.
Suffocating Sensations
. 1 1rhen in p r,
Dimness of Vision, Data
or Webs before the Sight, Thlil
Pain in the Newt_ Deficiency
of Perspiration, 'Yellowness
of the Skin and Byes,
Pain in_the _ —Side.
Ilimik - ,- . --Oheik -- I,lmlse, — TAe., -
- - Sudden Flushes of Heat, Burn.
ins in the Mesh, Constant Imaginings
of Evil and Great Depression of Spirits.
41114hereindicare distase of the Liver or Digestive ...- --
Organs, combined with impure blood.
Hoofland's German Bitters
is entirely vegetable, and contains no
liquor. It is a compound of Fluid Ex.
tracts. The Hoots, Herbs, and Barks
from which those extracts are made
C o
are
_gathered I n Germany.
All the meal einal virtues
are extracted fr om them by
a so lent I tie chemist. These
extracts are then forwarded to this
country to be used expressly for the
manufacture of these Bitters. There Is
no alcoholic substance of any kind used
in compounding the Bitters, hence it is
the only-Bitters — that can be used fa
cases where alcoholic stimulants are
not advisable.
Hoofland's German Tonic
s a combination of all Vie ingredients of the Bitters,
with PCBS Santa Cruz Runs, Orange, etc. It is used
for the same diseases as the Bitters, in eases where some
pure alcoholic stimulus is required You mill bear in
coifed that these remedies are entirely dliti.rent frog
any others advertised for Ms cure of the diseases named,
these being scientific preparations of medicinal extracts,
while the others are mere decoctions of rum in same
form. The TONIC is decidedly one of Me most plea.
sant and agreeable remedies ever offered to the public.
lii taste is exquisite. It is a pleasure to lake it, while its
We•giving, exhilarating, and medietnal qualities hap.
awned it to be known as the greatest of ati tonic.
DEBILITY.
There la no taialictro! equal to TToojrancrii Germaa
Fml
Sitters or Tonic in •ases of Debility,
They - impart a tone andvigor to lhewhots
Pistem, strengthen the appetite, cause
(in enjoyment of the food, enable the ace
mach to digest it, purify the blood, give a good, intend,
healthy complexion, eradicate the yellow tinge front Ow
eye, impart a Wein to the cheek; and change the patient
from a allort•breathed, emaciated, weak, and nercous
invalid, to ain't-fared, stead, and rigorous person. ,
Weak and Delicate Children are
Made strong by using the Bitters or
Tonic, In Met, they are Family Medi.
clnes. They can be administered with
perfect safety to a child three months
old, the most delicate female, or a man
ofninety.
These Remedies are the best
Blood Purifiers
/MP known, and will cure all diseases resulting from
L a
bad Moat, Kerp your bloodpure; keep your
/deer in order; keep your digestive organs
in a sound, healthy condition, by the we
ett these remedies, and no disease wilt
aver assail you. The best men in the country recommend
them. if years of honed reputation go for anything
you mutt try these preparations.
FROM RON. GEO. W. WOODWARD,
Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Penney'vents.
PI4IILADILIPIIIA, March 16,1867.
Ifind Hoo,lland's German Bitters" is nag an entoa
fearing beverage, bat is a good tonie ' weful in disorders
of the iligeshoe organs, and of great benefit in eases of
debility and want of 'ferrous action, in the system.
roars truly,
CEO. W. WOODWARD.
PROM HON. JAMES THOMPSON,
Judge of the Suprorge Court of Penney Pronto.
April 28. 1868.
I consider . 66 *tooflandgs
German tern» a rcduabte
medicine in care of attacks of
In digestion or Dyspepsia.
I can certify this front my experience of
It. Yours, with reseeet
JAMES IVHIIIIIPSON.
PROM REV. JOSEPII U. KENNARD, D. D.,
Pastor of the Tenth Ba_ptist Church, Philadelphia.
De. JLCILSON--DICAR billt:-.-1 tom been frequently
requested to connect m y name with recommendations of
different kinds of m e dicines, but regarding the practice
48 out of my appropriate sphere, I ham in all cases de
clined ; Liu with a clear proof in various instances, and
particularly in my own/amity, of the uscfulneu of Dr.
Itoeflantra German Bitters, I depart for once from my
usual course, to express sayjaff conviction that for_ gen
eral debility of the system and especially for Liver
Complaint, It is asafe and vainahle
preparation. In some cases it may
fail; hut
e usually, . I doubt not, it mid
:NI
be very ( Co those Who
cram the ;those caws. Yours, very respeequily, suffer
J. H.'KENNARD,
Eighth, below Coate-sand.
CAUTION.
liesftanors dermon Remedies are eounterfdled. nu
rowing hare Um sirsaiuns of C. RI. Jackson on
thefront of the °Wade scrapper qf .aeh battle, and Umi
wawa of the article blown in each kale. Ail others an
counterfeit. •
Price of the Bitters, $1 00 per bottle;
Or, a half.dozen for $5 00.
Pric *b a it e Tonle, 011 50 per bottle;
Or,dozen for 07 so.
•
'The tonic Is put up In quart bottles.
Recalled that it , is Dr. itoeftatut's German Remake
that are to universally used and so highly ream.
1:20
inended;.and do oot aileill the Druggasts
to induce you to take anything du that he
+nay nay it jell as good, because At
Makes a targprprop on it. These Rena
sties wilt be sent by expAsu to any /totality upon applior' s•
ion As the
PRINCIPAL OFFICE,
Zia ifti ADM STRANX;PhiladepAira.
CHAS. X. EVANS,
Proprietor,
Formerly C.. M. JACKSON de Co.
2'heso Remedial are for sale by Drag.
glebe, Storekeepers, and Modbdno Deal.
2oro
everywhere. • a
m not forget to CMOS, 104 i ibi wade pm keg Co
order toga the
alit, 25-'6B.
WAYNESBORO; FRANKLIN COUNTY; PENNSYLVANIA; FRIDAY MORNING, - -AUGUST 20; .18N
W!C>I3EI I X I Xp43.X.2. !
• BOW THEY HAD
1: ..r. 1;0
Wheel I, was young. and, tender
I had to mind and had to do
Whatever mother bade mei
She used to have a walitit'atiok
Which kept me . ..on the
And that was where she had me.
When older grown, and quite a
Among'the girlo,'hued to know -
A Miss Priscilla Cadmy ;
And with the help of smiles and nods
I fell in love at forty rods,
And there is where she had me.
When I was older, say sixteen,
I thought it time to have a queen.
And asked her if she'd wed me;
'She said she didn't much, object,
Or words to something that effect,
And there was where she had me.
But when, to make the matter straight,
I went up to negotiate
Affairs
with Colonel Cadte~ —
He said he 'didn't care to
d_that-svasL-where-be-hadia
I drowned my sorrow in the cup
Until I got my dander up
been.madder
I couldn't
When site proposed that we be one
In spite of pa— the thing was done,
And tint was where-I-had her. -
Two lovely urchins on my knee
I'm proud to say belong to me
(That is, to me and madam);
For when we left our native sod,
We spent a year or two abroad—
And that was where we had 'em,
THE LIGHT AT HOME.
The light at home-low-bright - it - beams.
When evening shades around us fall ;
And from the !attic far it gleams,
To love and rest, and comfort all:
When wearied with the toils of day,
And strife for glory, gold, or fame,
How sweet to seek the quiet way.
Wlieloving lips will lisp our name
Around the light at home !
When through the'dark7Ud stormy night,
The wayward wanderer homeward flies,
How cheering is that twinkling light,
Which through the forest gloom he spies !
It is the light of home. He feels
That loving henrts will greet him there,
And safely through his bosom steals
The joy and love thitt banish care
Around the light at home.
The light at home how still and sweet
It peeps from yonder cottage door,
The weary laborer to greet.
When the rough toils of day are o'er !
Sad is the soul that does not know
The blessings that the beams impart;
The cheerful hopes and joys that flow
And lighten up the heaviest heart
Around,the light at home.
Sounding the Wheels
Often as I travel on the railroad, C per.
ceive that our train never passes a certain
station without stopping tour or five minutest,
during which we bear loud ringing of ham.
mere upon the wheels. A couple of men go
from one end of the train to the other, one
on each side, and with a large hammer strikes
every wheel, to
. learn by the sound whether
it is in perfect order or not. For this rea
son the sound is not an Unpleasant one, for
it tells us that the company is giving proper
attention to the safety of its passengers.
Our life is like a railroad track, and here
and there should be stations, not too far a•
part, where we may stop a little while and
sound the wheels. And what are the wheels?
Habits. Lire's journey is chiefly made in
the way of habit; a human action tends to
run in grooves. When once fairly started it
is easy to go on. But if the wheels of habit
are not sound there will be a break down by
and by.
111 temper is a badly cracked wheel, and
makes an ugly ring. Take that wheel out.
Gluttony and intemperance are bud wheels.
If you find them switch off that oar and let
it stand to one side. Have you a sharp eye
for number one 7 In your dealings are you
in the habit of making more than is honest
out of your playmates Y Listen to the ring
of that wheel! It gives a dead sound, which
says plainly, 'Look out for danger ahead P
Yes indeed ! If you keep -such wheels as
there running, one of these days, in round..
ing some curve, or in passing through some
tunnel, there will suddenly be agiving away
under you and all will be lost / We say,
then, to our young friends, sound the, wheels,
sound the wheels ! Keep yourselvesi in good
running order.
VIRTUE AND' VICE —Virtue 1 the hum
ble violet nestled away under RS broad, green
leaves, over whose bead the atoms of ad
versity may pass in safety; vice, the..gaudy,
poisonous flower, one moment flaunting in
fancied security, • the next, crushed to the
earth by some gust of passion, to •be tram.
pled upon and neglected, even by those who
admire its dangerous beauty. Virtue is the
brightest—vice, the blackest thread in the
web of life.
A. Johnson is now charged with a 'cata
ract in the throat.'
lam Tiactt?M:oeii3cle•-ist
A itiniiimitio Love
The Count de Bt.. Croiz,bclotiging love*
of the noblest families in Preece, became en.
gaged,: after" a )60g courtship, to a lady hie
cutlet tn poii den , nod fortune, and, famous
for her 'beauty, Shortlynfter. the happy day
was appointed,• which was to tender two• 10-
log 'hearts one, 60 Corot was ordered to the
siege nf blevitstepeoli - en he 'girded on hie
brit,'Sna othil regonettb initiated
to the battlelekl. During the Count's ab.
sencelt happened that his'beantifoLaffuntoed
had ihe . sinall alter liovering between
life and death, she - ieeovered, but fotind her
beatitylitipeleasly lost.. .The disease' had as.
Burned in her ease the most virulent - charms.
ter, and left her not: only disfigured, 'bet
'seamed' and searedto stioh an eitent that slie
became hidions 'to herself,' and resolved to
.pass the remainder of her.days in the strict.
est seclusion.
A year passed away, Oita One day • the
Count itiortediately Upon hie return to France,
apooMpanied by his:Valet, fresented himself
at the residence of his betrothed, and solicit
ed an interview. • This Was refused.
however„with the persistence of a lover,
pressed his suit, and finally the lady, made
her appearance, closely, muffled in a veil. At
the sound of 'her voice the Count rushed for-
Ward to embrace her, but stepping aside she
tremblingly told him the story of her sor
row, and burst Into tears. A heavenly smile
broke—over—the-Count's handsome features,
as raising his band above, he exclaimed
!-- I am- blind-r
ts , even - so,-1 ,ten — g ` y
his regiment to attack, a cannon ball passed
so closely to his we that, while it left their
expression unchan g ed , and his countenance
hbt=him - forto
-
It is almost unnecessary to add that their
marriage was shortly after solemnized.
It is said that, at this day, may often_ be
seen at tbe Emperor's reception an officer
leaning upon the arm of a lady closely veiled,
and they seem to he attracted to the spot by
their love of music.
The Loafer
If a man will only stop and reflect, and
eon over his acquaintances, he will find there
are a great many more loafers than he had
supposed. Loafers may be divided into-sea--
- erid — elasses. The first is your genteel loafer;
he dresses well, feels well, and assumes a
good deal of officiousness on the streets, in
condemning men and measures, and in try
ing to mould public opinion. If you will in
vestigate the affairs of the genteel loafer, you
will find his bar bill, his shoemaker, his tail.
or, and his landlord are unpaid. Loafer No.
2 is not quite eo genteel in apperance as
No. 1; you . generally find him lounging a
round the deer of a drinking saloon, wistful.
ly waithig for same Orte who is fortunate . to
come along and treat; a• whisky smash to
him is meat and drink—it is joy, hope and
happiness, and after a heavy slug he in a few
minutes is ready for a repeat it another
spooney comes along with the rhino and of.
fern to treat him. lie can drink this way all
day, and you never see him drunk—whisky
seems to make no more impression on him
than it would on a rat-bole if poured in to it.
Loafer No 3 is a regular roostabout; he looks
dilapidated and emaciated; he started out as
genteel loafer No. 1, passed through that
grade, and by a gradual process of deterior
ation became the loafer No. 2, and from that,
by the same process, reached No. 3, and in
this last grade he is but one remove above
the common beggar or the common thief.—
Avoid loafing, forif you start at No. 1 you
are certain to reach No. 3, and No. 3 insures
a drunkard's death, or the penitentiary, which
is about as bad.
YOUNG MAN YOU'RE, WANTED —A lady
writer under this heading hits off the men as
follows.:
'A woman wants you. Don't forget her.
Don't wait to be rich; if you do, ten to one
you are net fit to be married. Marry while
you are young and struggle up together.—
But mark, young man, the woman don't want
you if she is to divide her affections with a
cigar, spittoon or whisky jug. Neither does
she want you if you don't take care of her
and the little 'after thoughts•' which are sure
to follow. Neither does she want you aim
ply because you are a man, the definition of
which is too apt to helm animal that wears
bifurcated garments on his lower limbs, a
quarter section of stovepipe on his head,
swears like a pirate, and is given to filthy
practices generally. She wants you for a corn,
portion, a helpmate—she wants you to have
learned to regulate your appetite and pas
sions; in short in the image of God, not in
the likeless of a beast.'
'GOOD RULES —A good man once said :
The longer I live, the more I. feel the im
portauce of adhering to the following rules,
which I have laid down myself in , relation to
such natters :
1. To hear as little as possible what is to
the prejudice of others.
2. To believe nothing of the kind until I
am absolutely forced to it.
3. Never to drink in the spitit of one who
circulates au ill report.
4 Always to moderate as far as I can the
unkindoesswhieh is expressed toward others.
.5. Always to believe that if the other side
were heard, a very different account would
be, given.
=ZOE
• ONE Of THE BOYS —'Where. were you,
Charlie l" 'ln the garden; ma.' .Yo—you
have been swimming—you know I cautioned
you about going to tho creek. I will haire
to correct you,
,Look at your hair how .wet
"
it is.Oh, no, ma, this is not water., it, is
sweat."Ab, Charlie, I have caught you
fibbing; your shirt is wrong side out.' Boy,
triumphau'ly—'Oh, I did that just now, ma,
climbing the fence.'
Young ladies are generally holiest, but they
will book dresses.
The Value of Brains. "1.
Working as an ordinary hand in-n
Pbil
adelphia shipyard; tiedl withlii a fery ..rtaras
was man narked L. "Knowlton::ifis
peculiarity was that *bile others of.bis' °lass
were 'at: the,ale houses, or indulging in jolli
fication, he was,incessaoli engaged in study
ing, inlehanical combinations. - One of his
-companions Eaeuied a poodle dog and spein
eia months in teaching the quadruped fit *itc.
eaate a jig upOn his hind legs.; Knowlten
spent the same, period in discovering some
method b which be Sonic' saw out ship tim
ber in a beveled farm. "
The first man taught his dog to—dsubv. , --
Knawiton- in the -same time disoOtered a
_mechanical combination that enabled him to
do in 'two hours the work that would - Occupy
a doted ken; by slow and laborious process,
afid . entiie day. That Ms* is now in rise in
all the ehipyarda in the country.. It 'outs , : a
beam to a curved , shape as quiCkly as an or
dinary saw mill rips up,a straight plank.
Knowlton contipsed his experiments.—
He took no part in parades or target-'shoot
ings, and in a abort time be secured a patent
for a machine that tarns any material what
ever into a perfectly spherical form. He
sold a portion, of his patent for a, sum that is
equivalent to a fortune: The machine was
used for Cleaning oft cannon balls for the use
of the Government. •
When the ball comes from the mold the
'l4-arid—th7
surface - is - incrusted;arid4ii — otAMary pro.
one of smoothing it was slow and wearisome.
This-rnachine_alnosHn - awrinsteatO4ifdEVvitY
Mathematical accuracy, peels it to the our.
face of the metal, at the same time smoothing
out any deviations from the perfect opheroi.
dal form.
_
e same una — ssuming tnan'has intented a
boring machine, that was tested in the pres
ence of a number of scientific gentlemen. It
bored at
-the rate of twenty-two--inches an
hour through a block
_of_ granite,— with
pressure-of-but-threehundred pounds upon
the drill. A gentleman present offered him
ten thousand dollars upon the spot for a part
interest in the invention in Europe, and the
offer was then accepted.
The moral of all this is that people who
keep on studying are sure to achieve some-
thing. Mr. Knowlton doesn't consider him.
self_ by any means brilliant, but it once in
spired with an idea, he pursues it' until he
fel ces it into tangible shape. If everybody
would follow copy, the world would be .less
filled with idlers, and the streets_ with grum
blers and malcontents.— 'Scientific American.
IN EIOT WATE(t.-A ludicrous and amus
ing incident recently occurred in cow:motion
with the Gentile opposition to Mormon au
thority. A men coming from the West
stopped at the Hot Springs, just outside of
the city, and having heard much of their
medical properties, was about to bathe in one
of-them After he had disrobed, and just
as he was about to plunge in, a stranger ap
proached and told him that he could not
bathe in that spring. The western Gentle.
man's ira became aroused at once and, think.
ing that it was another instance of Mormon
despotism he immediately replied. 4 1 can't_!
I'd like to see old Brigham or any body alma
stop me,' and in he plunged; but he got out
sooner than he got in, for it was a boiling
spring. His auger against the Mormons bad
not permitted him to ask the stranger why
he could not bathe there, hut he was deter
mined to show Brigham that ho could not
stop him from bathing.
A Scotoh man and an Irishman happened
to be journeying together through a most.in.
tertnitrable forest, and by some mishap lost
their way nod wandered about in a most phi
abl condition for awhile, when they fortu
nately came across a miserable hovel, which
was deserted save by a lone chicken. As
this was the only thing eatable to be obtained,
they eagerly despatched_ and prepared it for
supper. - When laid before them Pat con
eluded that it was insufficient for the sup
port of both himself and Swaney, and thpro.
tare a proposition was made to hie compan:
ion that they should spare the chicken until
the next morning, and'the one who bad the
moat pleasant dream should have 'the °chick.
en, which was agreed to. In the morning
Serum told his dream. He thought angels
were drawing him to heaven in a basket, and
he was never before so happy., Upon con.
eluding his dream, Pat , exclaimed, gash,
sure, and I saw ye going, and thoughtio
wouldn't come back,' so I got up and eat the
chicken
.tnycielt'
'Well, I went to Albany.and took dinner
at a tavern. Right beside me-sat a member
of the LegislaVare from one of the bask
towns:. Before his plate was a dish of pep
pets, and be kept looking at them. Finally,
as the waiter was very slow bringing on the
things, he up with his fork, and in less than
no time soused one into his month. As he
brought down his grinders the tears came
into his eyes. At last, removing the pepper
into. his band, be laid it down by the aide of
his plate, and with a voice that set the whole
table en a .roar, exclaimed : 'Just lie there
and cool !"
=l=
On the body of a yotieg man taken out of
the Seine the other Alay was found a paper
with the' following words . 'Nobody ie to be
accused of my death; the accompanying pa•
pers will establish my identity. I am an or,
phan and hive so parents on earth. Young,
and in command of aintoderate fortune, I had
the weaktiess,to dissipate it in debauchery.
To-day, without resource!, but habituated to
a life of luxury, and idleness, I, km capable of
nothing but to kill myself. And I.do so.'.
.Mrs. Susan B.. Anthony; who sleeps alone
from neoessity, devotes her paper to proving
that it is unhealthy for two people to sleep
together. It is the old•fable over again, says
no exchange, of the sly old fox who had no
tail, persuading all the other foxes that tails
wore outlif fashion.
• • - s t
-trn! brtistijoti ipso*, • Iriige
.Must ithete bean fthe - lifircireinif hie n' ei
sowing of wild oats ? Some will,,dmiteddsti."
And they will point to - the-dissipated,
.reck
less lenth& the• , piodigali front ''tiuth - and
goodness add tospeonibility; ivhals4panding
'his eribstaitee in iiptoize
- season' for Bowleg is at, hand--that, he . will
settle down kradd
To, such We.eomnieod i theatioverds t Oration
un nown writ e r
•• • . .
-•
nil the' 'Wide 'ridge of aooept,ed maxims
there is none; take it for:sh, , diofil tlibriiiqh
ly abominable than the.oniiiis,to thetiowtng
- of wild oats. Look at iton - what side you
will, and Lwill defy you to make anything
but a devil's maxim out of js.- : What.ik.rna •
sows—he he young, , middle-aged
that shall he reap, The only "thing to do
with oats is to put thein Carefully tote the
hottest part of the fire, and get 'the' bilrifed
to, dust,. every , seed of them ,l lf yciu.sow
them, no matter-in what ground, they will
come' up with-, long, tough roots; like the
couch•grass, and luxuriant stalks andleaves,
is sire as there is a sun in heaven—a..evop
which turns one's heart iiiild to . thinic
The devil, too.; whose special crop' they die,
will see that they thrive, and you, sad do.
body else, will have to reap them; arid, no
common reaping will gat them out of the soil,
which must be dug down deep again and -a
gain. gore - ,
you can make the ground sweet again by
your dyingAny.' -
The other evening two Irishmen, new to
the country and belonging to.the better,class
of emigrants, arrived in . To ledo_late—i
Mt - ou se
They were shown to a room far up in the
building, the gas lighted, and they were , left
alone. The weather was hot, the windows
open, and the two - gentlemen eat down to en
joy a chat. Soon, attracted by the light anti
the prospect of a square meal, a troop of •the
hungriest of the hungry
,Toledo mosquitoes
bore down on the ill-fated Hibernians,
.They
fought and bled, but the enemy constantly
received reinforcements, and the travelers
were in despair.' The clerk was au - otlined
and asked agonizingly, 'ls thete no - defedse
against these blood-thirsty craters P FI e
told the travelers that if they put out their
gas and closed their windows they would ex
perience relief. They acted
tion an d placed themselves between the
sheets. Just as they began to doze a.light
ning bug, which had strayed idto the room,
caught the eye of one of the travelers. He
roused bia companion with a punch :
Jamie, it is no use. Here's one of the bloody
divils sarehin for us wid a, lantern'
FOR TIIE BENEFIT OF TIIS_,,FOOR —A lot
of minstrels started out on a 'tower' recently.
They went to a town not far away, and adver
tised to give a performance 'for the benefit of
the poor, tickets reduced to a dime.' The
hall was crammed full. The next tnorning a
committee for the poor called upon the treas.
Urer of the concern for the amount said bene
fit had netted. The treasurer expressed as
tonishment at the demand. • , .
thought,' said the chairman of the nom•
mittee, 'you advertised this concert for the
benefit of the poor ?'
Replied the treasurer: 'Didn't we put the
tickets down to ten cents, so that the poor
Could all come ?'
The committee vanished.
An orator, appealing . to the bone and sin.
ow, said : am proud to see around me the
hardy yeomanry of the land ; for I love the
agricultural interests of •my country; and
well may I love theto r fellow citizens, for I
was born a farmer—the happiest days ormy
youth were spent in the peaceful occupation
of a son of the soil. In fact to speak figura.
lively, I may say I was born between two
rows of corn.' 'A punkin by thunder 1' ex
claimed an inebriated chap in 'front of the
stage. ••
'An Irishmen, on arriving in this country,
took a fancy to the Yankee girls, and WtbtO
to his wile : 'Dear Norah—These tuclaa
choly lines are to inform you that I died yes•
terday, and hope you are enjoying the same
blessing. I recommend you'to marry Jem
my O's.ourke, and take care of the children.
From your affectionate husband till death.'
-A butcher presented a bill for the tenth
time to an old skinflint. 'lt strikes me,' said
the latter, 'that this is a pretty round
'Yes,' replied the butcher, .‘l've sent it round
often enough to make it appear so, and. I
have 'called noir to get it squared .' •
The young mao of the period asp, ,there
ie ono paiticulatty good point in a voyage
across the 'Odeon, Which is, that one oan get
as tight as he.pleises every day, and :every
body thinks he's only sea-siok.
Two Finglishmen travelled three days„ .to
io a etage 7 coneb without exchanging
a word. On the rcurth, day. one of thew
ventured to letuark that it was a fine moo.
ing. 'And who sa r i it wasn't ri was the re
A man who cheats in small measure is a
measureless rogue. It he gives short mos
sure in wheat, then he is a rogue in grain.—
If is whiskey,:theo 'leis a rogue in spirit.
If he.gives a bad title to laud, then he, is a
rogue' indeed:
A friend asked a Hula girl: *WM& do
you,love best, your cat or your doll r the ,
little girl thought some time before answer
ing, and tben,wbispered is the ear of ~ .ber
questioner ; Nve..my eat best, but please
don't tell dolly.' '
Lots of things are dodo by niachinery'..in
Ibis progressive age. A workman, itrt,Now
York bad his shirt tukeo off by machinery
in a tannery recently, and narrowly esoaped
being taken off himself.
..rijl)
• ' • 1: ",- • ,
/I.r isiiit'diei Right. I Stukt.,--
A S lond;' 'faith; entered ' a
t'dtrig itiirelntddlted="" L"'" ' • 7 •
1 13 e you the druggerf"o' . (:7 . t;
'Well, I a'pose so; I sells drugs.'
Wili!freli Ice nje,say 416 th ir belie Seen tire
04,4? the, gulfs, putsow their sedkerchect?'
is:g . Pin"' t'O'6i3' ma rried;'
, i
'iiionpetust Mid *Mkt the toltivekat
this *hole imoisot in,seentia" stuff; set 'to
APaitelher, owner, if. I weld find some to' suit;
so. i£ you've ,a mind, just smell rouu(l4 .
The Yankee erne lled around without !mink
suited, until the Aruggist.gectired: of f :him,
and taking dpvra,a bottle.of,
.hartaboru. said :
got ail - canting thae"will ' siuit
yOu.' "A mogie drop on iota' hinilkiirotref
. will last , for Weeks, and :" you , cau , 6 liiish• 'it
'out;,:but to.ge6 the atrength,:of it : you must
;hat So mister i• WO, just, hold on , a
reietite, lilt I get mi_ breath, and When I Say
iseciw i 'yaii put it 'butler my
Theidirectiana. , were of course' followed,
,_ar:4 , thn:YAukeo,34.39 dearly knocked off his
pink but recovering hierielf, exclsimed :
' ibfilittPlitatiie, 'Mr. Dt'agger !Is the top of
I±4i 'don't want . not:his - I' like
:that; it would break up a carsii.taaetie in
You helot got the, right kind
Of,Seeff.'
tared writer if/quiresi_!_W_hat,is-therez
uotieriteayen moriliumanizing, or,, if we
bay "the lerin, more aogeliziug, than a
fitte biaok eye in a 'lovely woman ?' Two
black eyes hiljn_c_a-t
-,rt,,,,i
As birds sing oftener on lowly roofs than
pafatie domes, and roses love best to dliuib
o'er lowly• window sills and cottage eaves, s•)
to the poorjlod's blessings come freighted
with the dearest wealth, and to the humble
heert Ills love is sweetest. •
An lowa editor takes pains to tell his
readers that be has had an introduction to •a,
young lady
. from Ohio, and says sbe, is all
sorts of a losiely girls, sharp as a frosty morn
ing, as full Of tricke as a deer, and happy as
aloolc of snowbirds.
7* • M.
Ple'ase, 'Mine Jones, what is the manning
of 'suburbs r r•
Governess (who is extrern'ely orinolined :)
'The outskirts of a place, ultdear!
yuzin Miss J. by the Alress:
bins Jones, are g„
there pat: suburbs ?'
An Irish 'lnd complained 'the other day of
the hank treatment he had received from his
father : trntes me,' apid.be,mottrigulLy,
'as if 1' was' his eon by another father ,and
mother.' ' • '
Our Devil says that the young lady , in
town — who las caught smoking": a cigar ,re
cently, gave as her reason for:the act, 'that
it made the place smell as though there was
a man around.'
I=l=
his ftund that women make the very best
operators for the telegraph. The only dif
ficulty is to prevent each young lady at either
end of the Jine from having the last word.
'Papa, do horses ever kick with their foro
feet ?' 'No, child ( they never do.' 'Well,
if a horse should kick with one of his hind
foot, woold.thot not.be ono of his four r
An blishman, glazing with astonishment
upon an elephant in a menagerie, asked the
kepppr, 'what kind of a baste is that atin' bay
with his tail ?'
'Attention men said a corporal to a di.
vision of recruits, 'When your names are
called you say, here, and he who is not hero,
say absent.'
A migrant wbo bad been fined regularly
foi several weeks ler:drunkenness, requested
the 'floe hiw by the year at ro•
dined rates. ••' • ' '•
' Thai is a man . who libors Wader . the -de
lusion that 'Hoe before a manna name standa.
for hooest. , fle ought to be in the 1132801103.
of ff Everi , yonoi couple Who desire to make a
good atart in lite. , must keep two bears in the
honse, , and, feed, then weli—bear and forbear.
Sidoey . Smith compares the whistle of a
locomotive to the squeal of, ao attorney, when
Satanfirst gets a hold of him.
'Why can Anierieittui'Who eol.)r their hair
never beeinnO rebels.? Bioause rather than
wear 'the gray' they'll dye.
• ..
Young America thioicit matriage :inset be
faveratite to longtivity; an'never
lives CO be more than thirty.' ,=-:<"--
,•'') • -
The generality 'of men expeq , ..i;the early
part of their Hoes itt contributing %'ti!- - rtitider
the latter: part'utidetable.-
Betrare-boaryen<beoomo personal; an in
sult offered .to accident or deformity is rarely
forgiven, and never forgottoo. '
• There was amen •eo intensely polite that
as, he passed.a hen •on :her -neat,' he said:
'Don't rise ma stn.' •
poorest, use a tuao 'eau put . time and
taleutl . toi„ 4+,10-waste tuetu iu ehasiug• a lie,
to Eeo who • „ . - • •
Leisure is street to those who have eareed
it, btu hurilausoute to albs° Who 'get it - tur
: 1; • - •
• • "
If fiiinatiAtelino scidltitig to you 'ditrin7
this wirutitea,hof —Your sham certainly wtll
not.
A Western genius - bite itiveu;kci n-ois'i►inp
to wake obi:stouts out of .I,lreot
NIMBER 6
MIMI