133 0 117 V; lalair. VOLUME XXII. A L L NMI 11111/11110 el/ NOGYLAND'E GERMAN SITTERS HOORAH'S GNU TONIC, rowan* by Dr. - Jackson, Phttallebbla. Tbelr Introduction into this country from Germany iocurnid Ip VW& • - THEY CUBED YOUR FATHERS AND MOTHERS, AM will cure yen and your children. They are 3EI entirely different from the many preparatkma now In the country called 'Bitter" or Tonics. They.sra no tavern preps. ration, or anything 'thecae; but goad, honest, reliable medicine*. They are • . EeigievisiceilwOurn rigicaudgt Liver Complaint. .. DYSPEPSIA, iNervous Deblity, JAVEDION, Diseases of the Kidneys. ''' ERUPTIONS OF THE SKIN; lad all Diseases arising hem a Dim:W. dered Liver, Stomach, or IMPURITY OP TER BLOOD. Constipation, flatulence, Inward Piles. Fullness of Blood to the Head. Acidity of the Stomach, Nausea Heart. hurniisgust for Food. Fulness • Or Weight in the Stomach. Sour Eructations, Sink ing or Fluttering at the Pit of the Stoma ch_ , Swim ming of the Head, Hurried or _ Diftlonit_Breathing,--Fluttering at the Heart, 0 Choking. 02. Suffocating Sensations . 1 1rhen in p r, Dimness of Vision, Data or Webs before the Sight, Thlil Pain in the Newt_ Deficiency of Perspiration, 'Yellowness of the Skin and Byes, Pain in_the _ —Side. Ilimik - ,- . --Oheik -- I,lmlse, — TAe., - - - Sudden Flushes of Heat, Burn. ins in the Mesh, Constant Imaginings of Evil and Great Depression of Spirits. 41114hereindicare distase of the Liver or Digestive ...- -- Organs, combined with impure blood. Hoofland's German Bitters is entirely vegetable, and contains no liquor. It is a compound of Fluid Ex. tracts. The Hoots, Herbs, and Barks from which those extracts are made C o are _gathered I n Germany. All the meal einal virtues are extracted fr om them by a so lent I tie chemist. These extracts are then forwarded to this country to be used expressly for the manufacture of these Bitters. There Is no alcoholic substance of any kind used in compounding the Bitters, hence it is the only-Bitters — that can be used fa cases where alcoholic stimulants are not advisable. Hoofland's German Tonic s a combination of all Vie ingredients of the Bitters, with PCBS Santa Cruz Runs, Orange, etc. It is used for the same diseases as the Bitters, in eases where some pure alcoholic stimulus is required You mill bear in coifed that these remedies are entirely dliti.rent frog any others advertised for Ms cure of the diseases named, these being scientific preparations of medicinal extracts, while the others are mere decoctions of rum in same form. The TONIC is decidedly one of Me most plea. sant and agreeable remedies ever offered to the public. lii taste is exquisite. It is a pleasure to lake it, while its We•giving, exhilarating, and medietnal qualities hap. awned it to be known as the greatest of ati tonic. DEBILITY. There la no taialictro! equal to TToojrancrii Germaa Fml Sitters or Tonic in •ases of Debility, They - impart a tone andvigor to lhewhots Pistem, strengthen the appetite, cause (in enjoyment of the food, enable the ace mach to digest it, purify the blood, give a good, intend, healthy complexion, eradicate the yellow tinge front Ow eye, impart a Wein to the cheek; and change the patient from a allort•breathed, emaciated, weak, and nercous invalid, to ain't-fared, stead, and rigorous person. , Weak and Delicate Children are Made strong by using the Bitters or Tonic, In Met, they are Family Medi. clnes. They can be administered with perfect safety to a child three months old, the most delicate female, or a man ofninety. These Remedies are the best Blood Purifiers /MP known, and will cure all diseases resulting from L a bad Moat, Kerp your bloodpure; keep your /deer in order; keep your digestive organs in a sound, healthy condition, by the we ett these remedies, and no disease wilt aver assail you. The best men in the country recommend them. if years of honed reputation go for anything you mutt try these preparations. FROM RON. GEO. W. WOODWARD, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Penney'vents. PI4IILADILIPIIIA, March 16,1867. Ifind Hoo,lland's German Bitters" is nag an entoa fearing beverage, bat is a good tonie ' weful in disorders of the iligeshoe organs, and of great benefit in eases of debility and want of 'ferrous action, in the system. roars truly, CEO. W. WOODWARD. PROM HON. JAMES THOMPSON, Judge of the Suprorge Court of Penney Pronto. April 28. 1868. I consider . 66 *tooflandgs German tern» a rcduabte medicine in care of attacks of In digestion or Dyspepsia. I can certify this front my experience of It. Yours, with reseeet JAMES IVHIIIIIPSON. PROM REV. JOSEPII U. KENNARD, D. D., Pastor of the Tenth Ba_ptist Church, Philadelphia. De. JLCILSON--DICAR billt:-.-1 tom been frequently requested to connect m y name with recommendations of different kinds of m e dicines, but regarding the practice 48 out of my appropriate sphere, I ham in all cases de clined ; Liu with a clear proof in various instances, and particularly in my own/amity, of the uscfulneu of Dr. Itoeflantra German Bitters, I depart for once from my usual course, to express sayjaff conviction that for_ gen eral debility of the system and especially for Liver Complaint, It is asafe and vainahle preparation. In some cases it may fail; hut e usually, . I doubt not, it mid :NI be very ( Co those Who cram the ;those caws. Yours, very respeequily, suffer J. H.'KENNARD, Eighth, below Coate-sand. CAUTION. liesftanors dermon Remedies are eounterfdled. nu rowing hare Um sirsaiuns of C. RI. Jackson on thefront of the °Wade scrapper qf .aeh battle, and Umi wawa of the article blown in each kale. Ail others an counterfeit. • Price of the Bitters, $1 00 per bottle; Or, a half.dozen for $5 00. Pric *b a it e Tonle, 011 50 per bottle; Or,dozen for 07 so. • 'The tonic Is put up In quart bottles. Recalled that it , is Dr. itoeftatut's German Remake that are to universally used and so highly ream. 1:20 inended;.and do oot aileill the Druggasts to induce you to take anything du that he +nay nay it jell as good, because At Makes a targprprop on it. These Rena sties wilt be sent by expAsu to any /totality upon applior' s• ion As the PRINCIPAL OFFICE, Zia ifti ADM STRANX;PhiladepAira. CHAS. X. EVANS, Proprietor, Formerly C.. M. JACKSON de Co. 2'heso Remedial are for sale by Drag. glebe, Storekeepers, and Modbdno Deal. 2oro everywhere. • a m not forget to CMOS, 104 i ibi wade pm keg Co order toga the alit, 25-'6B. WAYNESBORO; FRANKLIN COUNTY; PENNSYLVANIA; FRIDAY MORNING, - -AUGUST 20; .18N W!C>I3EI I X I Xp43.X.2. ! • BOW THEY HAD 1: ..r. 1;0 Wheel I, was young. and, tender I had to mind and had to do Whatever mother bade mei She used to have a walitit'atiok Which kept me . ..on the And that was where she had me. When older grown, and quite a Among'the girlo,'hued to know - A Miss Priscilla Cadmy ; And with the help of smiles and nods I fell in love at forty rods, And there is where she had me. When I was older, say sixteen, I thought it time to have a queen. And asked her if she'd wed me; 'She said she didn't much, object, Or words to something that effect, And there was where she had me. But when, to make the matter straight, I went up to negotiate Affairs with Colonel Cadte~ — He said he 'didn't care to d_that-svasL-where-be-hadia I drowned my sorrow in the cup Until I got my dander up been.madder I couldn't When site proposed that we be one In spite of pa— the thing was done, And tint was where-I-had her. - Two lovely urchins on my knee I'm proud to say belong to me (That is, to me and madam); For when we left our native sod, We spent a year or two abroad— And that was where we had 'em, THE LIGHT AT HOME. The light at home-low-bright - it - beams. When evening shades around us fall ; And from the !attic far it gleams, To love and rest, and comfort all: When wearied with the toils of day, And strife for glory, gold, or fame, How sweet to seek the quiet way. Wlieloving lips will lisp our name Around the light at home ! When through the'dark7Ud stormy night, The wayward wanderer homeward flies, How cheering is that twinkling light, Which through the forest gloom he spies ! It is the light of home. He feels That loving henrts will greet him there, And safely through his bosom steals The joy and love thitt banish care Around the light at home. The light at home how still and sweet It peeps from yonder cottage door, The weary laborer to greet. When the rough toils of day are o'er ! Sad is the soul that does not know The blessings that the beams impart; The cheerful hopes and joys that flow And lighten up the heaviest heart Around,the light at home. Sounding the Wheels Often as I travel on the railroad, C per. ceive that our train never passes a certain station without stopping tour or five minutest, during which we bear loud ringing of ham. mere upon the wheels. A couple of men go from one end of the train to the other, one on each side, and with a large hammer strikes every wheel, to . learn by the sound whether it is in perfect order or not. For this rea son the sound is not an Unpleasant one, for it tells us that the company is giving proper attention to the safety of its passengers. Our life is like a railroad track, and here and there should be stations, not too far a• part, where we may stop a little while and sound the wheels. And what are the wheels? Habits. Lire's journey is chiefly made in the way of habit; a human action tends to run in grooves. When once fairly started it is easy to go on. But if the wheels of habit are not sound there will be a break down by and by. 111 temper is a badly cracked wheel, and makes an ugly ring. Take that wheel out. Gluttony and intemperance are bud wheels. If you find them switch off that oar and let it stand to one side. Have you a sharp eye for number one 7 In your dealings are you in the habit of making more than is honest out of your playmates Y Listen to the ring of that wheel! It gives a dead sound, which says plainly, 'Look out for danger ahead P Yes indeed ! If you keep -such wheels as there running, one of these days, in round.. ing some curve, or in passing through some tunnel, there will suddenly be agiving away under you and all will be lost / We say, then, to our young friends, sound the, wheels, sound the wheels ! Keep yourselvesi in good running order. VIRTUE AND' VICE —Virtue 1 the hum ble violet nestled away under RS broad, green leaves, over whose bead the atoms of ad versity may pass in safety; vice, the..gaudy, poisonous flower, one moment flaunting in fancied security, • the next, crushed to the earth by some gust of passion, to •be tram. pled upon and neglected, even by those who admire its dangerous beauty. Virtue is the brightest—vice, the blackest thread in the web of life. A. Johnson is now charged with a 'cata ract in the throat.' lam Tiactt?M:oeii3cle•-ist A itiniiimitio Love The Count de Bt.. Croiz,bclotiging love* of the noblest families in Preece, became en. gaged,: after" a )60g courtship, to a lady hie cutlet tn poii den , nod fortune, and, famous for her 'beauty, Shortlynfter. the happy day was appointed,• which was to tender two• 10- log 'hearts one, 60 Corot was ordered to the siege nf blevitstepeoli - en he 'girded on hie brit,'Sna othil regonettb initiated to the battlelekl. During the Count's ab. sencelt happened that his'beantifoLaffuntoed had ihe . sinall alter liovering between life and death, she - ieeovered, but fotind her beatitylitipeleasly lost.. .The disease' had as. Burned in her ease the most virulent - charms. ter, and left her not: only disfigured, 'bet 'seamed' and searedto stioh an eitent that slie became hidions 'to herself,' and resolved to .pass the remainder of her.days in the strict. est seclusion. A year passed away, Oita One day • the Count itiortediately Upon hie return to France, apooMpanied by his:Valet, fresented himself at the residence of his betrothed, and solicit ed an interview. • This Was refused. however„with the persistence of a lover, pressed his suit, and finally the lady, made her appearance, closely, muffled in a veil. At the sound of 'her voice the Count rushed for- Ward to embrace her, but stepping aside she tremblingly told him the story of her sor row, and burst Into tears. A heavenly smile broke—over—the-Count's handsome features, as raising his band above, he exclaimed !-- I am- blind-r ts , even - so,-1 ,ten — g ` y his regiment to attack, a cannon ball passed so closely to his we that, while it left their expression unchan g ed , and his countenance hbt=him - forto - It is almost unnecessary to add that their marriage was shortly after solemnized. It is said that, at this day, may often_ be seen at tbe Emperor's reception an officer leaning upon the arm of a lady closely veiled, and they seem to he attracted to the spot by their love of music. The Loafer If a man will only stop and reflect, and eon over his acquaintances, he will find there are a great many more loafers than he had supposed. Loafers may be divided into-sea-- - erid — elasses. The first is your genteel loafer; he dresses well, feels well, and assumes a good deal of officiousness on the streets, in condemning men and measures, and in try ing to mould public opinion. If you will in vestigate the affairs of the genteel loafer, you will find his bar bill, his shoemaker, his tail. or, and his landlord are unpaid. Loafer No. 2 is not quite eo genteel in apperance as No. 1; you . generally find him lounging a round the deer of a drinking saloon, wistful. ly waithig for same Orte who is fortunate . to come along and treat; a• whisky smash to him is meat and drink—it is joy, hope and happiness, and after a heavy slug he in a few minutes is ready for a repeat it another spooney comes along with the rhino and of. fern to treat him. lie can drink this way all day, and you never see him drunk—whisky seems to make no more impression on him than it would on a rat-bole if poured in to it. Loafer No 3 is a regular roostabout; he looks dilapidated and emaciated; he started out as genteel loafer No. 1, passed through that grade, and by a gradual process of deterior ation became the loafer No. 2, and from that, by the same process, reached No. 3, and in this last grade he is but one remove above the common beggar or the common thief.— Avoid loafing, forif you start at No. 1 you are certain to reach No. 3, and No. 3 insures a drunkard's death, or the penitentiary, which is about as bad. YOUNG MAN YOU'RE, WANTED —A lady writer under this heading hits off the men as follows.: 'A woman wants you. Don't forget her. Don't wait to be rich; if you do, ten to one you are net fit to be married. Marry while you are young and struggle up together.— But mark, young man, the woman don't want you if she is to divide her affections with a cigar, spittoon or whisky jug. Neither does she want you if you don't take care of her and the little 'after thoughts•' which are sure to follow. Neither does she want you aim ply because you are a man, the definition of which is too apt to helm animal that wears bifurcated garments on his lower limbs, a quarter section of stovepipe on his head, swears like a pirate, and is given to filthy practices generally. She wants you for a corn, portion, a helpmate—she wants you to have learned to regulate your appetite and pas sions; in short in the image of God, not in the likeless of a beast.' 'GOOD RULES —A good man once said : The longer I live, the more I. feel the im portauce of adhering to the following rules, which I have laid down myself in , relation to such natters : 1. To hear as little as possible what is to the prejudice of others. 2. To believe nothing of the kind until I am absolutely forced to it. 3. Never to drink in the spitit of one who circulates au ill report. 4 Always to moderate as far as I can the unkindoesswhieh is expressed toward others. .5. Always to believe that if the other side were heard, a very different account would be, given. =ZOE • ONE Of THE BOYS —'Where. were you, Charlie l" 'ln the garden; ma.' .Yo—you have been swimming—you know I cautioned you about going to tho creek. I will haire to correct you, ,Look at your hair how .wet " it is.Oh, no, ma, this is not water., it, is sweat."Ab, Charlie, I have caught you fibbing; your shirt is wrong side out.' Boy, triumphau'ly—'Oh, I did that just now, ma, climbing the fence.' Young ladies are generally holiest, but they will book dresses. The Value of Brains. "1. Working as an ordinary hand in-n Pbil adelphia shipyard; tiedl withlii a fery ..rtaras was man narked L. "Knowlton::ifis peculiarity was that *bile others of.bis' °lass were 'at: the,ale houses, or indulging in jolli fication, he was,incessaoli engaged in study ing, inlehanical combinations. - One of his -companions Eaeuied a poodle dog and spein eia months in teaching the quadruped fit *itc. eaate a jig upOn his hind legs.; Knowlten spent the same, period in discovering some method b which be Sonic' saw out ship tim ber in a beveled farm. " The first man taught his dog to—dsubv. , -- Knawiton- in the -same time disoOtered a _mechanical combination that enabled him to do in 'two hours the work that would - Occupy a doted ken; by slow and laborious process, afid . entiie day. That Ms* is now in rise in all the ehipyarda in the country.. It 'outs , : a beam to a curved , shape as quiCkly as an or dinary saw mill rips up,a straight plank. Knowlton contipsed his experiments.— He took no part in parades or target-'shoot ings, and in a abort time be secured a patent for a machine that tarns any material what ever into a perfectly spherical form. He sold a portion, of his patent for a, sum that is equivalent to a fortune: The machine was used for Cleaning oft cannon balls for the use of the Government. • When the ball comes from the mold the 'l4-arid—th7 surface - is - incrusted;arid4ii — otAMary pro. one of smoothing it was slow and wearisome. This-rnachine_alnosHn - awrinsteatO4ifdEVvitY Mathematical accuracy, peels it to the our. face of the metal, at the same time smoothing out any deviations from the perfect opheroi. dal form. _ e same una — ssuming tnan'has intented a boring machine, that was tested in the pres ence of a number of scientific gentlemen. It bored at -the rate of twenty-two--inches an hour through a block _of_ granite,— with pressure-of-but-threehundred pounds upon the drill. A gentleman present offered him ten thousand dollars upon the spot for a part interest in the invention in Europe, and the offer was then accepted. The moral of all this is that people who keep on studying are sure to achieve some- thing. Mr. Knowlton doesn't consider him. self_ by any means brilliant, but it once in spired with an idea, he pursues it' until he fel ces it into tangible shape. If everybody would follow copy, the world would be .less filled with idlers, and the streets_ with grum blers and malcontents.— 'Scientific American. IN EIOT WATE(t.-A ludicrous and amus ing incident recently occurred in cow:motion with the Gentile opposition to Mormon au thority. A men coming from the West stopped at the Hot Springs, just outside of the city, and having heard much of their medical properties, was about to bathe in one of-them After he had disrobed, and just as he was about to plunge in, a stranger ap proached and told him that he could not bathe in that spring. The western Gentle. man's ira became aroused at once and, think. ing that it was another instance of Mormon despotism he immediately replied. 4 1 can't_! I'd like to see old Brigham or any body alma stop me,' and in he plunged; but he got out sooner than he got in, for it was a boiling spring. His auger against the Mormons bad not permitted him to ask the stranger why he could not bathe there, hut he was deter mined to show Brigham that ho could not stop him from bathing. A Scotoh man and an Irishman happened to be journeying together through a most.in. tertnitrable forest, and by some mishap lost their way nod wandered about in a most phi abl condition for awhile, when they fortu nately came across a miserable hovel, which was deserted save by a lone chicken. As this was the only thing eatable to be obtained, they eagerly despatched_ and prepared it for supper. - When laid before them Pat con eluded that it was insufficient for the sup port of both himself and Swaney, and thpro. tare a proposition was made to hie compan: ion that they should spare the chicken until the next morning, and'the one who bad the moat pleasant dream should have 'the °chick. en, which was agreed to. In the morning Serum told his dream. He thought angels were drawing him to heaven in a basket, and he was never before so happy., Upon con. eluding his dream, Pat , exclaimed, gash, sure, and I saw ye going, and thoughtio wouldn't come back,' so I got up and eat the chicken .tnycielt' 'Well, I went to Albany.and took dinner at a tavern. Right beside me-sat a member of the LegislaVare from one of the bask towns:. Before his plate was a dish of pep pets, and be kept looking at them. Finally, as the waiter was very slow bringing on the things, he up with his fork, and in less than no time soused one into his month. As he brought down his grinders the tears came into his eyes. At last, removing the pepper into. his band, be laid it down by the aide of his plate, and with a voice that set the whole table en a .roar, exclaimed : 'Just lie there and cool !" =l= On the body of a yotieg man taken out of the Seine the other Alay was found a paper with the' following words . 'Nobody ie to be accused of my death; the accompanying pa• pers will establish my identity. I am an or, phan and hive so parents on earth. Young, and in command of aintoderate fortune, I had the weaktiess,to dissipate it in debauchery. To-day, without resource!, but habituated to a life of luxury, and idleness, I, km capable of nothing but to kill myself. And I.do so.'. .Mrs. Susan B.. Anthony; who sleeps alone from neoessity, devotes her paper to proving that it is unhealthy for two people to sleep together. It is the old•fable over again, says no exchange, of the sly old fox who had no tail, persuading all the other foxes that tails wore outlif fashion. • • - s t -trn! brtistijoti ipso*, • Iriige .Must ithete bean fthe - lifircireinif hie n' ei sowing of wild oats ? Some will,,dmiteddsti." And they will point to - the-dissipated, .reck less lenth& the• , piodigali front ''tiuth - and goodness add tospeonibility; ivhals4panding 'his eribstaitee in iiptoize - season' for Bowleg is at, hand--that, he . will settle down kradd To, such We.eomnieod i theatioverds t Oration un nown writ e r •• • . . -• nil the' 'Wide 'ridge of aooept,ed maxims there is none; take it for:sh, , diofil tlibriiiqh ly abominable than the.oniiiis,to thetiowtng - of wild oats. Look at iton - what side you will, and Lwill defy you to make anything but a devil's maxim out of js.- : What.ik.rna • sows—he he young, , middle-aged that shall he reap, The only "thing to do with oats is to put thein Carefully tote the hottest part of the fire, and get 'the' bilrifed to, dust,. every , seed of them ,l lf yciu.sow them, no matter-in what ground, they will come' up with-, long, tough roots; like the couch•grass, and luxuriant stalks andleaves, is sire as there is a sun in heaven—a..evop which turns one's heart iiiild to . thinic The devil, too.; whose special crop' they die, will see that they thrive, and you, sad do. body else, will have to reap them; arid, no common reaping will gat them out of the soil, which must be dug down deep again and -a gain. gore - , you can make the ground sweet again by your dyingAny.' - The other evening two Irishmen, new to the country and belonging to.the better,class of emigrants, arrived in . To ledo_late—i Mt - ou se They were shown to a room far up in the building, the gas lighted, and they were , left alone. The weather was hot, the windows open, and the two - gentlemen eat down to en joy a chat. Soon, attracted by the light anti the prospect of a square meal, a troop of •the hungriest of the hungry ,Toledo mosquitoes bore down on the ill-fated Hibernians, .They fought and bled, but the enemy constantly received reinforcements, and the travelers were in despair.' The clerk was au - otlined and asked agonizingly, 'ls thete no - defedse against these blood-thirsty craters P FI e told the travelers that if they put out their gas and closed their windows they would ex perience relief. They acted tion an d placed themselves between the sheets. Just as they began to doze a.light ning bug, which had strayed idto the room, caught the eye of one of the travelers. He roused bia companion with a punch : Jamie, it is no use. Here's one of the bloody divils sarehin for us wid a, lantern' FOR TIIE BENEFIT OF TIIS_,,FOOR —A lot of minstrels started out on a 'tower' recently. They went to a town not far away, and adver tised to give a performance 'for the benefit of the poor, tickets reduced to a dime.' The hall was crammed full. The next tnorning a committee for the poor called upon the treas. Urer of the concern for the amount said bene fit had netted. The treasurer expressed as tonishment at the demand. • , . thought,' said the chairman of the nom• mittee, 'you advertised this concert for the benefit of the poor ?' Replied the treasurer: 'Didn't we put the tickets down to ten cents, so that the poor Could all come ?' The committee vanished. An orator, appealing . to the bone and sin. ow, said : am proud to see around me the hardy yeomanry of the land ; for I love the agricultural interests of •my country; and well may I love theto r fellow citizens, for I was born a farmer—the happiest days ormy youth were spent in the peaceful occupation of a son of the soil. In fact to speak figura. lively, I may say I was born between two rows of corn.' 'A punkin by thunder 1' ex claimed an inebriated chap in 'front of the stage. •• 'An Irishmen, on arriving in this country, took a fancy to the Yankee girls, and WtbtO to his wile : 'Dear Norah—These tuclaa choly lines are to inform you that I died yes• terday, and hope you are enjoying the same blessing. I recommend you'to marry Jem my O's.ourke, and take care of the children. From your affectionate husband till death.' -A butcher presented a bill for the tenth time to an old skinflint. 'lt strikes me,' said the latter, 'that this is a pretty round 'Yes,' replied the butcher, .‘l've sent it round often enough to make it appear so, and. I have 'called noir to get it squared .' • The young mao of the period asp, ,there ie ono paiticulatty good point in a voyage across the 'Odeon, Which is, that one oan get as tight as he.pleises every day, and :every body thinks he's only sea-siok. Two Finglishmen travelled three days„ .to io a etage 7 coneb without exchanging a word. On the rcurth, day. one of thew ventured to letuark that it was a fine moo. ing. 'And who sa r i it wasn't ri was the re A man who cheats in small measure is a measureless rogue. It he gives short mos sure in wheat, then he is a rogue in grain.— If is whiskey,:theo 'leis a rogue in spirit. If he.gives a bad title to laud, then he, is a rogue' indeed: A friend asked a Hula girl: *WM& do you,love best, your cat or your doll r the , little girl thought some time before answer ing, and tben,wbispered is the ear of ~ .ber questioner ; Nve..my eat best, but please don't tell dolly.' ' Lots of things are dodo by niachinery'..in Ibis progressive age. A workman, itrt,Now York bad his shirt tukeo off by machinery in a tannery recently, and narrowly esoaped being taken off himself. ..rijl) • ' • 1: ",- • , /I.r isiiit'diei Right. I Stukt.,-- A S lond;' 'faith; entered ' a t'dtrig itiirelntddlted="" L"'" ' • 7 • 1 13 e you the druggerf"o' . (:7 . t; 'Well, I a'pose so; I sells drugs.' Wili!freli Ice nje,say 416 th ir belie Seen tire 04,4? the, gulfs, putsow their sedkerchect?' is:g . Pin"' t'O'6i3' ma rried;' , i 'iiionpetust Mid *Mkt the toltivekat this *hole imoisot in,seentia" stuff; set 'to APaitelher, owner, if. I weld find some to' suit; so. i£ you've ,a mind, just smell rouu(l4 . The Yankee erne lled around without !mink suited, until the Aruggist.gectired: of f :him, and taking dpvra,a bottle.of, .hartaboru. said : got ail - canting thae"will ' siuit yOu.' "A mogie drop on iota' hinilkiirotref . will last , for Weeks, and :" you , cau , 6 liiish• 'it 'out;,:but to.ge6 the atrength,:of it : you must ;hat So mister i• WO, just, hold on , a reietite, lilt I get mi_ breath, and When I Say iseciw i 'yaii put it 'butler my Theidirectiana. , were of course' followed, ,_ar:4 , thn:YAukeo,34.39 dearly knocked off his pink but recovering hierielf, exclsimed : ' ibfilittPlitatiie, 'Mr. Dt'agger !Is the top of I±4i 'don't want . not:his - I' like :that; it would break up a carsii.taaetie in You helot got the, right kind Of,Seeff.' tared writer if/quiresi_!_W_hat,is-therez uotieriteayen moriliumanizing, or,, if we bay "the lerin, more aogeliziug, than a fitte biaok eye in a 'lovely woman ?' Two black eyes hiljn_c_a-t -,rt,,,,i As birds sing oftener on lowly roofs than pafatie domes, and roses love best to dliuib o'er lowly• window sills and cottage eaves, s•) to the poorjlod's blessings come freighted with the dearest wealth, and to the humble heert Ills love is sweetest. • An lowa editor takes pains to tell his readers that be has had an introduction to •a, young lady . from Ohio, and says sbe, is all sorts of a losiely girls, sharp as a frosty morn ing, as full Of tricke as a deer, and happy as aloolc of snowbirds. 7* • M. Ple'ase, 'Mine Jones, what is the manning of 'suburbs r r• Governess (who is extrern'ely orinolined :) 'The outskirts of a place, ultdear! yuzin Miss J. by the Alress: bins Jones, are g„ there pat: suburbs ?' An Irish 'lnd complained 'the other day of the hank treatment he had received from his father : trntes me,' apid.be,mottrigulLy, 'as if 1' was' his eon by another father ,and mother.' ' • ' Our Devil says that the young lady , in town — who las caught smoking": a cigar ,re cently, gave as her reason for:the act, 'that it made the place smell as though there was a man around.' I=l= his ftund that women make the very best operators for the telegraph. The only dif ficulty is to prevent each young lady at either end of the Jine from having the last word. 'Papa, do horses ever kick with their foro feet ?' 'No, child ( they never do.' 'Well, if a horse should kick with one of his hind foot, woold.thot not.be ono of his four r An blishman, glazing with astonishment upon an elephant in a menagerie, asked the kepppr, 'what kind of a baste is that atin' bay with his tail ?' 'Attention men said a corporal to a di. vision of recruits, 'When your names are called you say, here, and he who is not hero, say absent.' A migrant wbo bad been fined regularly foi several weeks ler:drunkenness, requested the 'floe hiw by the year at ro• dined rates. ••' • ' '• ' Thai is a man . who libors Wader . the -de lusion that 'Hoe before a manna name standa. for hooest. , fle ought to be in the 1132801103. of ff Everi , yonoi couple Who desire to make a good atart in lite. , must keep two bears in the honse, , and, feed, then weli—bear and forbear. Sidoey . Smith compares the whistle of a locomotive to the squeal of, ao attorney, when Satanfirst gets a hold of him. 'Why can Anierieittui'Who eol.)r their hair never beeinnO rebels.? Bioause rather than wear 'the gray' they'll dye. • .. Young America thioicit matriage :inset be faveratite to longtivity; an'never lives CO be more than thirty.' ,=-:<"-- ,•'') • - The generality 'of men expeq , ..i;the early part of their Hoes itt contributing %'ti!- - rtitider the latter: part'utidetable.- Betrare-boaryen