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33* 1717.
VOLUMR XXIL
ALEX. LEEDS,
Next door to the Town Hill, has 12 - 3N4 on hand
a fine assortment of
CLOCKS.
Selected by himself with — grcot core, a large and
well selected assortment of .
utavalaaap
of Swiss, English, and Ameiican Illanufaiiture ;
EWELRY
cheaper than ever before sold in Waynesboro', all
the latest styles kept constantly on hand.
Every variety of Cufl buttons. A fine assort
ment of
FINGER AND EA.R
Solid Gold. Engagement and
WEDDING RINGS,
Silver Thimbles and sheelds,' Castors, Forks, and
Spoons, Salt Cellars, end Butter Knives of tho cel
ebrated Roger Ntanufacture,at reduced rates.
SPE CTACLE S
To suit everybody's eyes. New glasses pia in old
frames.
Clocks, Watches, and Jewelry promptly and
neatly repaired and warranted.
ALEX. LEEDS,
Nell; door to the Town Hall, under the Photo 31
31 ph
Gallery. July .
LA. S. Di3HEBITE
DRUGS,
Chemicals,
PATENT MEDICINES,
PREPARATIONS FOR THE HAIR,
OILS, PAINTS,
TABNISiIESES,
Ace.: tte.
-0-
tr'Physicians dealt with
•
at 20;per.cent. diseourtr
Ir4iiiesboro' go.fel
Marcy 27, ;AP...,
WAIMESBORO','
t r
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNI'Ii, PENNSYLVANIA, FRIDAY MORNINO, JUNE :11,.
po to 4 ~.
COMB, IN 'IRAQI!' It DRRANS,
George D. Prentice bee written many, pretty things,
but never anything - more quietly beautiful than the
following.:-_ „
Come, in ,beautiful dreams love,
Oh.l come• to me eft, •
When the light wings of sleep
On my bosom lies soft:
h-l-come-when—t
In the niocin's gentle lighti.
Beats soft on the air,
Like the pulse of the night—.
When the shy and the wave
Weir their loftiest blue,
When the dew's on the flower,
And the stars on the dew.
Com'. in beautiful dreams, love,
Oh ! come and we'll stray
Where the whole year is crowned
With the blossoms of May—
Where each sound is as sweet
As the Coos tifit (10vPil ; '
And the gales are as spa •..
As the breathings of lave ;
Where the beams kiss the waves,
And the waves kiss:the beach,
And our Warm, lips may catch,
The sweet lessons they teach.
Come, in 'beautiful dreems,love,
Oh ! come and we'll fly
Like two winged spirits
Of love, through the sky ;
With hand clasped in hand.
-On our dreammings we'll go
Where the starlight and moonlight
Are blending their glow;
And on the bright clouds well linger,
Of purple and gold, • , . .
'Till theangels shall envy
The-bliss-they—baha
TRUST.
The child leans on its parent's breast,
Le&ves there its cares, and is at rest I;
The bird Bits singing by its nest,
And tells aloud
His trust in God, and so is blest
'Neath every eloud
He bath no store, he sows no seed,.
Yet sings aloud, and doth not need;
By flowing streams or grassy mead,
He sings to-shime
Men, who forget, in leer of need,
A Father's name
The heart that trusts forever singe,
Ana feels as light as it had wings4l
A well of peace within it springs,
Come good or ill.
Whate'er to-day, to-morrow brings,
It is His will!
il kip • trz-r...) nt ii, irirtvii c.c'it , 41
VICISSITUDES OF A MILLION
At •the time of our story there was an auc
tion store near the Bourse, Paris.
The viscount Bober N. de P—, was 25
years of age, with an income of 25,000 liv
res, with good looks, an il'ustrious name,
and could have made a very brilliant mar
riage. He ought to have been the happiest
man in the world. He had only one regret.
He had nothing to do. He was unhappy
at his business. He needed a little bitter
in his cup of perpetual sweets, but heaven
refused to grant it to him. He resolved to
fly to other lands, there to seek the fatigues,
the sufferings and the novelties . he lacked
So, five years ago, he entered by chance,
an auction room, just as they were putting
up a capital portable writing desk. lie
was just about to travel, it was just what
he needed; he bought it.fot three hundred
trance. It probably cost mare than ten times
that sum.
In the interior were compartments for
everything, and a plate bore the name of
Lord one of, the - richest peers of
England. He was enchanted with his pur- .
chase and carried it home in triumph.—
Some days after he set out for Spain. As
he went from Madrid to Cadiz, be was
stopped by thieves, who completely robbed
him. The only thing he missed was his
desk. He prayed them to return it. They
refused, but their chief, Don Jose Maria,
promised to send it after him to Cadiz on
receipt - of a ransom.' Robert promised 200
reals, and gave';_he address of the hotel where
he meant to stop when at Cadiz. Ho sent
the money and got the desk. 2.
In America, in the wilds or.Meliiiticibiit'
desk was carried. ofilby ,:the Mexicans. He'
tktught-it-was lost. Four months afterward
he saw it ina shop in Vera Cruz, and paid
fi'v bitirdred franes for it. " '
10.1.,liaViirtg returned' to France, he
giought of gninig to Baden. Ho :passed
the summer there, and went to Paris„Tim:
iting Cologne and -Ais-la Chapelle' .en the
Sri}vipg et, Me i which - scpitfates
Franco ,frord,,kiplgiuto,lic
of the custom house officers. Seine days
befOre, some' skilful fellows had 'defrauded
the of a ciinsiderchle amount, cense.
cfuCally tbC''officers'ivere on 'their guard.
• •.The search matt long, and the vineonnt be
came furious., . • , ,
'What do you here r be asked angrily,
, .191 t, sir, i3bject‘i of gitiat'Vaiut can be ,
concealed to a stualispaeo.' •
'Rave I the air of ,a siougglet? he asked,
'No, but there aro ambassadors who wan
gle without scruple.
liaclol3en Weivocrssrstriems. '7,
The search was continued,. and the • via-,
count was astonished to see the officers find
apartments in his desk, of the existence of
which he was ignorant. At last, full of im
patience, he wished to reclaim it.
'Now, that you have seen all,' said he, 'bit
us not prolong this unpleasant investigation:
- 'What do you say ?' • ° •
said that you have seen all, and know
that I have nothing contraband.'
'Your coolness, sir, makes me pity you.—
Have you nothing to bring forth ? If yen do
so, you will 13e free by paying the dues; if
not, and I find anything, there will be both a
confiscation and a fine. '
•
'But yon have seen all.
'Perhaps.'
, 'What-do-yon-mean-by-perhaps-?'
It is well made. Any one but Myself
might have been deceived.'
. 'But I swear to you that you have seen
all.' . . _ _
'Why deceive me? lam going to prove
the contrary'
ill you find anything else, I will swear to
know nothing more .of it.'
,'A poor excuse. I warn you that I, do
not bolieve . you. ,
'Let us finish, bad job as qitiek'as pos.
Bible' ,
and so much 'the worse for nu.'
And with a nail the officer pressed.ag t ainst
what was apparently a little ornament, which
flew back, disclosing a drawer in which• was
a paper parcel:
The 'lithe's? took. it out, looked at iti• 'put
it back. • •
'That is not contraband,' said ho, with a
bow, 'and with so much money, I was wiling
to accuse you.'-
Thit the viscount was- stupefied with as
tonishment.
• 'Bank notes! but I did not put there there.'
'You are very fortunate, sir, if you eon for
get a million so readily.'
In foot, there was a million pounds ster
ling.
I ; & The viscount took the notes and counted
th-ern;-replaced-thetorand-determined-to-find
the owner. •
Arrived at London, he sought out Lord
N—, whose name was engraved_insid•
e noi einan affirmed that the money was
not his. lie had, given. this desk to a for
mer valet of his, whose address he gave the
viscount.
This valet
. was now a wealthy shopkeeper
in Pall. He told the viscount that he knew
naught of the money, but while in liAly had
sold the desk to count Luigi Settimauai, who
was immensely rich, and in whose service he
then was.
The viscount set out for Italy, and went
to Revenue, where Count Settimauni lived.
He recognized the desk, but avowed that he
bad never placed any money in it. He sent
the viscount, however, to the Signora Laura
a former prima donna of the San
Carlo, at whose house, in his gay days, he
had orgotten his desk.
The Signora Laura recognizdd, the desk,
and related that she had given it to the Rus
sian Prince Alexis P—, in exebange.for
a pearl collar.
The viscount set out for St. Petersburg.
He was very happy, now he had something
to do—to find the true owner of the hidden
money. He placed it at interest in order
that it might not run the risk of being lost:
Prince P— knew the desk, bmt - declared
that he hod never concealed a bank note in
it. He told the viscount that on leaving It
aly, he. had given the desk so a &mouse of
the opera, Louisa P who was not in the
habit of concealing money.
Robert returned to Paris. There ho learn
ed that after a life of gallantry and luxury
Louisa P— had died in misery and that
-her furniture was sold by her creditors. It
wa4 at that sale then that ho bought the
desk.
What to do now! He could only ,think
that the maker of the desk had placed the
tuoney there, or that it watt there deposited
by the Spanish robbers who stole it.
The maker in London wrote that ho knew
nothing Olt, and the viscount learned that
the Spanish robbers had all been hung.
- Ah I perhaps it bad been deposited there
by the Mexicans. Ho went to Mexico,
whence be returned two months ago.
He discovered that one of those into whose
hands it had fallen was a trapper, who car
ried on considerable trade in skins with the
Americans. This was sufficient. He must
have been the ma* who concealed the bank
notes.
The viscount continued his search, and at
last ono day found at Vera Cruz a very prat.
ty young girl of seventeen, the daughter of
the Mexican by a French woman, who had
come to. Vera Cruz as a milliner. In answer
to his 'question she told him that she know
nothing of her father, but that he was killed
by a Texan ranger.
She was , excessively pretty, and like a seri
sibl& fellow, he married her, and having at
faiit'seen`etbing 'to do, returned to Frince With
Ater te:onjoyibe fortdne•of which d singtilar
oluitiee tiad lifougli t• m'itild (pbssesZion.
INTIMACY WITH CIIILDIt . EN.-4 wise
'frithbriiiid 'pure mother , if they have secured
the• tiocpcionae* of thriir childrefiand 'this
,can only . be seemed by hitim'tiOyj—neerT' 'not
Yinthfurindiser'etioti- will never
ho prolonged into vice, for the least'aot on
tbe.liett offspring will, be. DO eooncr
committed i tb.ap imparted to the parent, whe
will thus be able to.ehick youthful, impru
dence, end, interpose
,his experienced wisdom'
as a baerier between the couimission of.
single'impropriety and the formation of a vi•
cious habit - . Many a youth Who has been
lost might have' been.'saved if parents' had
cultivated a greater 'intimacy With children'
. An old lady being in a store at' Water
bury, Conn., reliantly, deliberately iit'dewn
and reached her - balf-frozm feet to the iron
safe, remarking she 'ewe did like those air
tight stoves.
`Howie Life .
11 id
,
one o th er day .1: olianend to enter .
A. frieMre
house.. He-did not know,l ;mein the parlor;-
add I. overbenrd.his:,conversation.. ; lie , was
•very- !terabit' hisodeating with his ,
He was 'out of sprite, that , morning. 'The
wind was east:, and the east wind hiew into
his lungs, and into' his saul, and soured his
mind, and soured his heart, end, so, like a
base misercantits he was, he-vented hid, bad
temper on his wife and children. . It is a bad
habit some men have. - ,
This man was talking in ti hard, nitobris•
Han Manner=talking as no father should
talk. Ile had lost his temper. Re was say
ing what he would be sorry for in ,a few mo
ments. And then the servant announced my
eseacn
be could not help it :.'The boy teased
toe I He 'did what I cannot endure, and on
the impulse. of the moment, Ispoke , my,
anger: I could not control myself.'
There was a-frown, en his face; hat'
. when
I was announced, being more or fese of a
stranger demanding of him certain courte
sies, he at oncesmoothed bis face as thou gh n
nothing : had. hapioned7rAts *though ibis sun
was shining brighildu,the,beavenhand the
w indwas south,
,andnot, east. : „Ile mine kite,
the r oom where I was, and, in the most ,cor.
dial and courteous way possible., gave. me. his'
hand, and smilingly . bade me Welcome.
He could not contiOl hifitieli,' simply be
catisti he did' ncirltiifficieatlY appreciate his
family; and because he thetightthat his•home
was a den in which he could roar with im
punity, and not the great temple of Clod,
where be.should walk as priest and king.
And yet I, almost a stranger, was strong
enough in my presence, to,cause him at once
to cool down into Courtesy, into affability,
into politeness! '
• I tell you, that many and many a • man,
and many and many a woman in this strange
world of ours, in which many things seem to
go wrong, will be gentle, and kind, and char
-itablerand full of_ smiles outside of their
houses, with strangers, for whose opinion
- they - do - not-care--one-H- F or-onc_tittle, and its
the house, where all the happiness of years
depends upon their sweetness of soul, and
-wise re-th ey-are-oons tan tly-e hed d ing--influe •
ces that will ripen into the good or bad life
of a boy or girl, will yield to a pettishness
and peevishness, unworthy of them as men
and women, and wholly unworthy of them as
Christians.— Hep worth.
A Touohing Story.
The following bfittntiful and touchingsto
ry was related by Dr. Schubly, of Maryland,
at a meeting held in New York, to hear the
experience of twenty reformed drunkards :
A drunkard who had run through his
property, returned home one night to his
unfurnished home fle entered his empty .
hall—anguish was gnawing at his heart
strings, and language is inadequate to ex
press his agony as be entered
_his wife's a
partment, and there beheld the victims of
his appetite, his lovely wife and darling child.
Morose. and sullen, be seated himself with•
out a word ; he could not speak, he could
not look upon them. Tha mother said to the
little angel by her side, 'Come, my child, it
is time to go to bed ; and that little babe, as
was her wont, knelt by her mother's lap, and
gazing wistfully into the face of her suffer
ing parent, like a piece of chiseled statua ry, slowly , repeated her nightly orison; and when
she had finished, (but four years Of age) said
to her mother, 'Dear ma, may I not offer np
one more , prayer ?,' 'Yes, yes. my sweet pet,
pray.' -And she lifted up her tiny- hands,,
closed her. eyes and prayed. 'Oh God, spare,
oh spare my dear papa l' That prayer was
wafted np with electric rapidity to the'throoe
of God. ' It was heard •, it was heard. on
earth.. The respoasive burst from
the father's lips, and his heart of stone , be.
came a heart of flash. Wife sod child were'
both clasped to his boson), and in penitence,
be said, 'My child, you have saved your fa.
ther from the grave oft drunkard. sign
the pledge.'
TIIE QUIETUDE OF MATURITY.—Have
you ever watched a young girl as she sits and
thinks ? The pleasant smile stealing round
her lips—no frown of anxious care on her
forehead—no pained look in her eyes. Oh,
my poor weary-hearted render, who his' like
me gone through life's struggle, what would
you not give to.be.like her, to be as you once
were.; but that with many other joys has
. passed away`from you forever. You are on.;
lit too glad now to sit awhile and enky•tO,
day's peace, and you have no trembling hopes,
no feverish longings ,for ,to-morrew. It does
seem too bad that- ns we grow older all faith
in the future vanishes, and anticipation, and ,
itself a pleasure, leaves us. . The time comes
to as all when thinking is only pain, for it is
either a sad, sad retrospect, for a foreshadow
.of corciingliduble. Ton that are young'prize
the 'Sim'nyalays 'that 'ere pawing like a breath;
"enjoy - tfieni'Whilif you P4n:-lor bdsrooditberci
•Ii a a tlreat'Y wairct!"-I4 _My :Own "Sedryl ,l ': , • l
;I:, it •
Iran. wholves turelo get . ..dim:lk ;Oma
ha went to• to treivaseonti 'day 'retaining' home
in his 'cart in State "of •intokication. Hie
cattle atoiiped Ton , the Way; tidcitsome one who,
was.paseingi.soeiegt•the ,reason ;of the deten,
tion, unfastened tho cattle from the cart, and'
started thorn toWnid home., Sare.T. 2l ,houirs
afterward, the man , aroused ' fronyhislittipor,
•rubbediiis'eics aneloriked Omer. • , ‘Vrell,'
"said:he, , scime one has lost a yoke-of cattle or .
I hare found a cert.', . • ,
The-grasS should not be allowed to grow
around young trees aft& being planted; as it
stunts their growth and utterly ruins , theni.,
Thi groiidd should bo kept clean and iJOBO
irOun'd them; iintit;titidist they ariof bear
jug 0436.:
The London. R&M . saYs•.that . ,w,ashiag, a
horse when in. a sweating state is grateLutitud
benefioutito the animal When washed , wipe
dry and blanket bite.
The-Child-and the Infidel.
iielebratifti flutite` woe diningit the
bonne' of an intimate friend. After •:dinner,
the ladies withdrew, and in - the course cif i nen..
venation, Mr. Hume made some assertion
which caused a gentleman present, to observe
i l c l ,2`lt you can advance, such sentiments_
as 'those, yon are eciitatnry' what the World
gives you the oreditqf being, ad infidel '
~ A little girl, wh om the , philosopher had
often noticed, and with whom be had become
'a favorite', by bringing her little preieibte of
toys 'and sweetmeats, happened to bo playing
about the room unnoticed.; she, bowever
listened to the conversation and, on hearing
-tho-abOve'exprcitision, left; the.room, tient to
her mother, and asked her, 'Mamma, what is
it - 11 - 141/' An. Infidel,
her mother ,
why Shoultlyou ask such a quest
tion ? An Infidel -is' n 'character,
thst yeariely, kii 3 OW how to answer
'Oh,' do tell inatnita," ietirried the.ohild;
'I must kat:4f What - an ibfidel is? , Strnek With'
her eagerness; her anotber , at length- replied,
',o, 40114 is,ope, that .belieyea r that : there is
no God, no heaven, no hell, no hereafter.'
Some days afterward, litnrie'tigain visited'
thehouse of his. :,friend. • On , heigg il intro• -
duced ilae parlor, he inand, an one there
'hut hie faiorite !IMO ;'be wBfif Id' her,
had attempted W0;104 her uPlu hitt trios end
kiss her, as he had been used to de ; , but the
child shrunk with horror from his touch.—
'My dear, baittle,'rvhit id the matter, -L-do
hurt-you?':- 'No ; ', she ,replied,. 'you do not
hurt.me, bat I .cannot, kiss ioni I , pa,nnot
play with yon.' Why not my dear ?'', 'Be•
cause you are an infidel !"An Infidel! what
-is ,that r 'One • believ,es_ there is bon
God, no heaven, , na , hell, no. herealter!.i-:
'And are you' pot, very aoriii: for ''nid;; my
dear ?' asked' the fittoidalled• philohopher.—
'Yes indeed, I am eking.? Teturned the
with solemnity; 'and I pray to God for you.'
'Do you, indeed ?—what do -you say ?' I say,
'0 God, teach this man that.• thou art A
,Sriking illustration of the words of sacred
Writ, 'Out Of the inouthiTathabes - and - suck. ,
ling _thou has ordained_etrength because of
thine enemies, that thou tuightest the
enemy and avenger.
Value of Self-Exertion
The value r— of self-exertion appears no
where.more decided, than when we follow
the track of those who heoamo eminent with
out having the advantage ground of instruct
tion from which tnstart.' There is seareely
anything more gratifying to the mind than
the well-Written life of a person whose krug
gles_through every di ffi culty, arising from
want of books, want of patronage, and who,
notwithstanding these impediments,
,contin.
nes to struggle till be merges into notice.—
Art surrenders some of her choicest secrets,
science smiles, and fame or emolument, or
'both, places the snC4essful experimenter far
above collation names. Not scantily are 'the
niches in the temple of Fame cemented with
lasting memorials of persona thug claiming
their well deserved hondre-toetsons who have
been the .boast. and blessing. of their day
by dint of unsubducci Tatience, fortitude,
and vivacioits genius. Every department of
art'and science Is filled , With them. The
stimulating examples are on every band.—
From the lowest rank in life they-start forth.
They break all the 'shackles of ignorance.—
The repulsive frowns of the crowd cannot
daunt them. The fears of the timorous they
do not listen to. Their native energies urge
them forward in the honorable career till
success, more at less complete, drowns their
glowing efforts.
Get an Early Breakfast•
A bad custom is prevalent in many famil
ies, especially among farmers, of working an
hour or tiro before breakfast, attending to
°bores', hoeing in the garden, cutting wood,
mowing, eta: ' • This is 'con4enient . on many
accounts,hut not conducive to health. The
prevalent opinion is, that the, morning air is
the purest and most healthy and bracing;
but the contrary is the tact. At no hour is
the air, more filled with dampness, fogs, and
miasmas 'than about sunrise. The heat of
the min gradually dissipate§ 'these Miasmatic
influences as the day advances. An early
meal brtices,up the system against these ex
ternal influences.' Every i nno knows the lan
guor and faintness often experienced Air the
first Wont in the morning, and that it is in.
creased by exercise and the went of food.—
We do_ not agree - with the boarding-bonse
regime irhich prescribes along walk before
breakfast as a means -of-progioting health.—
Probably . the, best custom would be, to fur
nish every' member of the family, especially
'those who labor out Of doors, 'with'u cup o f
warm :toffee,/ well mixed, Immediately after
rising from bed Then let them attend to ;
chores, or moivingylming,, etc., for an hour
OT fwo, while the' fegids - are-feeding dud thiP
breakfastßproparinga her willifeel better;
•andtda.utore.—A,ricuiturist.... ,, • . --;
41Otevjuiy. with verdiot. .I , Ve find the
prisoner; ao Irishman, gliiffy of murder '
the find degree, nod would' recommend him
to the clemency of the court.'
The Judge, after , pronouneing the death
'Berift . thee;addreitred Pat es follows : •
, 11- 1 1fou.:liavo heard ;pons sentence, but boing'
!an._old.map,theso..urkgraute you the privilege
of olieoing - youroianner of dtath.'
'il Can't` bd. eartleat,'` said
93y ray-hon.or. as Judge,' was the reply •
Pat, 'and thou VII, be akar dy
iug, by, good old age ici,tuy bed.'
A.yoong prince, whose mind had learned
in Somit . degre'e to value religois truth, asked
bis;tutor him suitable.; nett 'lotions,
that he might be prepared for death.:'
Plenty of time for that when you are old
er, tens the reply. ' :
"Thavebeen t 6 the
ehurehysidaud- measured; the:graves, and
there are many shorter , rban 1-ara,",
• ~ afiaoo:7Ni,em
=EMI
Atiggleils on.,fi t aalimsortp . .
Aseesoo.re , ore very nice top'', in private
Jiro, btit'zie'son eas giy . geitilib - offieet they
become infernal, ; • ".
I. never knew a nian to be elecitod
itinnibdiatoly lionifbeinied to poke hie
ociite.tuto Other peciplo's bosh:Tea with ?the
energy' °Calk 0,4 ~maid. ~ ( 1„ :
They all have ao eoqui:ilogAurn mind,
and would make
log:committee,•
Thou go around ,and bold apinqueet vet
. f ,
,peoplp pproperty. _ . . •
' They dsk more quo i stiorii tilan a tiiitecti
out Tinkie: Inteirogatiori 'pOitile atter - out
all over them
I don't want any of 'em in mine . .
This of exposhietl , fellow's property,
once a year in played' out..it. ruins ,4i4 i sreolit.
pass off for alnillionnito if 4 waau't
for these aikissors. "
I' had a call fi6in eine at them . ' the - other
dny t . when' the following conversation 'en
sued : •
Assessor-410w many horses have you
00' '
:,::Goggles—"One-4 saw , horse,; 'two r'leg,s
br 1 ken., .i , • ~. ~ ' ; . .
ttlo ?' -
1 wo false sallies, reit fed.
A.- 2 : l Aveitigil Value of nierehandise 7'
G.—' ; Three cede ,
..
A.—::'Vatue *of property owned ad broker 7'
• G-:/l:•:''FienSially spoil my things when I
break them' I got 'dead broke' once, and
I've been a ruined ; man ever since ', ~ r
A.—'Value of monies and credits 7'
,G,—'No money; and haven't got credit
enough to'bni a red herring.'
, A..—‘l 7 ilne of 'money invested in bonds,
stooks; Sto 71, : , ,
G.— 41.25 for a marriage license, and two
days iq the stocks.'
A..---‘lolite at personal property net eon•
inersted'P •
G.— 'Amite aud fourteen,children a pen
knife with blades broken out, a pair of pants
with a-hole-in-the-ktiee; a corkserew,_a_pair_
of old bootS, with the legs cut off, cent with
a hole in it, a peeket•book full of brown
paper, bull pup, bottle of constitution bitters,
ink - telling - '2Oll-ways-to get. riub."
• I got tired ;of answering questions, and to
save the assessor any further trouble, I vol
inteered the information that I bad the
measles, cut my back teeth when I was four
days old, had the whooping-cough, fever and
ague,•eleven feet anti--fivinenWes high, weight
,two hundred and a quarter, was kicked by a
-horse when I W3s . ten years old, can read, rite,
rithtnetie, em a free American citizen of the
I:Tieited' Stale& of America, voted for license,
never run for
. office, of good moral character
and bad habits.
Signed, eeided, and delivered
.A loafer, while stopping at a tavern ; up
the country, used to lounge about the bar
and drink other people's liquor.; Not aglass
could be left caloile for a moment,
would slip up and drink ite entire contents.
One day a•stage driver came io, and Called
fors stiflPhOio 'Or 'brandy toddy. Jehtt im
mediately played possum by leaving his bran
dy while he-stepped-to the door. The bait
took. On returning he saw his glass empty,
and exclaimed with all the diabolical horror
he &mid effect:
'Brandy and opium enough to kill forty
men I Who drank that pima ?'
stnmmered loafir, ready to give
up the ghost with affright.
'You are a dead man said the driver.
'What shall I do ?' beseeched the other,
who thought himself a gone sucker.
'Down with a pint of lamp oil, or you're a
dead man is three minutes answered the
wicked driver. And down wont the 'lamp
oil, and up came the brandy and opium, to
gether with his breakfast. The joke was
told and he has never drank other people's
liquor since.
'Dar are,' said a sable orator, 'two roads
through this , world. De one am ,a broad and
narrow road dat leads to perdition, Ind: de
other am a narrow and broad road dat leads .
to sure destruetiom"lf that am de , ease,'
said a sable hearer, 'die ou/led individual
take to do woods.
A Western paper says 'Wanted, at this
office, an editor who can please everybody.
Also, a foreman who can so nreange the
piaper so as to allow' every. rose's advertise
meat, to head the column.' : • i „
An editor repOrta'all Odd Obj.:etioli 'made
to hirroper by a gossip-loving old lady ; 'E
like your paper very muds., lhavo.only ono
objection, to jC , it hasn't deaths enough, ,
"My boy,! tiniti: a' . dig+tintnitglied: , m arch n t
to h s son 'whcplivae , meditating• mntrimony.
; be ettre,:in making your Aeleation . -to , get holt:
of apiece of ! goodp, that tvi4,lc,taik.
What shonht-a gonna moo carry . With him
when calling upon bin affiance'?—Affection
in hie heart, perfection in hie ! planners, and
confeations in his pockets.
A medical• student says he has never beet
able to discover, the bone of toutention, and
wants to no
,w ‘ bether it, is not . , situated very
near the jaw bone....
, •
A hiuli seliool kiss beiogill, deemed it
. 0 . , ,
vulgar to say she Was 'bilious,' so she 'own
plainri of being 'Williamous:' May br that
was the matter with - bor.. , .
says if a, quart of strong
,mullen
ea is 11.._,Vadtt te a , .
hiirse 'afflicted with the bots
t will' never fair to . affect •a, cure:.
Green—The grass, trees and„ shrubs, shrubs, and
he rain who dont advertise. •
Wanted—A cement for filling the decayed
teeth of saws.. -
=l=El
IgiBIBER
Goaaim.
1 A Good Joke.
5 5.