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Sir "CPT . 131 stir.
VOLUMR XXII.
LA.I.I3ONIEBnaIa
DEALER IN
D-R-U-G-S
ic a Is-,
PATENT MEDICINES,
PREPARATIONS FOR THE HAIR,
OILS, PAINTS,
VARNISHES ES 9
ite. die.
...---w--0-..
Physici - a.ns - de.alt - with
at 20 per cent. discount.
WaynesbiiroUlotel
March 27, 1868.
CI MX 3111 AL 3P_
PRICH & 110EFLIEll
Announce to the community generally that they
have received their '
Second supply of
All kinds of Dry goods,
Groceries, Queensware, Cederware,
and invite the public to call and make an
examination of their assortment of goods:
Cheap
Government Overcoats, (Cavalry
end Infantry) Blouses and Blankets
at
Price & HodLoh's.
Furs for Ladies and Misses
Priee & Roeflich's.
Hoods of Fur and Zephyr in beautiful
styles at P. &
Plaid, Plain and Fancy flannels
at P. & Ws.
Buffalo .Robes
Beautiful line of Dress goods
PI & H's.
Large lot of Queeneware
at P. &
MUD—Heavy Boots, and Gum Shoes for
Cheese, Prime Coffee, Sugars, fresh
P. &. H'e.
Honey and a splendid article of Syrups
P. & H's.
Chinchilla Cloths for Ladies Sacks
. P. & ii's.
Winter Queen ebawle
P. dr.- Ws.
Todmordoo and Waterloo shawls
P. & H's.
Woolen Circulars and Shoulder shawls
Beaver Overeoatings
Muffs, Capes; Viotorines
Ladies Vests
Gents Underclothing
Beek Mite, Gloves and a great variety
of other gloves
P. & Ire.
Heaiy Drab and Black Cords and
Dreaduaughta
Blankets Grey and White
Thibot Shawls
110 V 271868.
Family Flour!
MBE. subscriber is now delivering a prime article
A of Family Flour for $9 per barrel. Also Corn
Meal and Mill Stuffs delivered at low rates. Terms
cash. Orders can be left at the Drug Store of J.
P. Kurtz or at the Post Office.
jou lfo—tf)
WAYNESBORO', PA.
P. & WS.
P. Az Wf3.
P. & H's.
P. & H's.
P. &. B's.
P. & H'B.
P. & H's.
P. & H'..
P. &.liPa.
DAVID LOUR.
WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA, FRIDAY MORNING, FEBRUARY 19, 1869.
P'O3EITICI.ELT-a.
MEMORY AND ROPR,
Oft at the hour when evoning throws
Its gath'ring shades o'er hill and dale,
While half the scene in twilight glows,
And halt HI sunlight glories still;
The thought of all that we have been,
And hoped and feared on Life's long way
-mbrances-of inv
cemenibrancesofjoy or pain;)
Come mingling with die close of
But, soft o'er each reviving scene
The chasening hues of Memory spread;
And smiling each dark thought-Letween,
Hope softens every tear we shed.
0, thus, when Death's long night comes on
And it's dark shades around us lie,
May parting beams from Memory's
_sun
Blend softly in our evening sky !
LIM.
When the flowers all are dying,
And the south wind sweet and low,
'dund-their-graves-a-d-irge-ia-sighin s ,
W ill it not be sweet to know
That, while autumn clouds are looming,
And the summer chorale depart,
There are sweeter flowers blooming
—ln-the-garden-of-the-heart!
the breath or evening lingers,
And the sun•rays softly steal
Through the vine, like rosy fingers,
Will it not be joy to feel
That,-while-we-in-wakeful-drea ming,
en moments roll,
There's a brighter morning beaming
Through the twilight of the soul 1
MIS CIMI.OO.i.ILN - X"..
A TALE 'OF TRUE LOVE. ;
OR, THE APPLE GIRL'S TALISMAN
Some years ago, when I was a rambler
through the streets of Cincinnati, for the
purpose of picking up trifles to interest the
readers of the local column of a city paper, I
often purchased_ apples, nuts and candies of
-a-you og-gi rl-who-had-a-stand-neat-th e jun°.
Lion of two business avenues.
— Shy the imornio;
ie was ncit - htuome in thit — tFotti:-__
ceptation of this much-abused word, but
there was an artlessness and yet a winning
grace in her manner which convinced me
that her station in life should be above the
one she then occupied. Her dress was in
variably a close-fitting pink calico one. I
felt that her parents must be very poor, and
as 1 saw her day after day in the same attire,
I had my suspicions that her wardrobe ()mild
not be very extensive ; yet as she always ap
peared neat and tidy, it was a mystery to me
how this striking neatness was secured, and
why there was not ever any variety in her
apparel. I saw that it was tasteful and be
coming, but I knew that the ladies are pro
verbial for a love in the variety of dross, and
I had an interest in knowing why this aim
ple girl was so marked an exception. '
have always delighted to study charac
ter, either in high or low life, and I took it
upon me to investigate the pretty apple girls
peculiarity. Her ft nit was ever clean and
tempting, but I often made purchases mere
ly for the sake of forming an acquaintance.
At length, known to her as a liberal patron,
she began to have less reserve with etc than
when I first noticed her, and finally I was
emboldened to make inquiries in reference
to her family. It was sometime before she
conversed freely, but by dint of perseverance
I learned that she lived with her mother in
a pleasant cottage on a quiet street in the
suburbs of the city. I knew the spot; its
attractiveness had often interested me, and I
now became more curious than ever to hear
the story of the apple girl in the pink and
calico dress.
I ventured to ask permission to call on her
mother, and make her acquaintance, under a
plea of a love of birds and flowers, with both
of which the cottage wasaurrauuded. I did
not receive the encoura ment I wished, but
#
still was left to hope th my curiosity might
some day be gratified. As obstacles to my
purpose increased, • I became more deter
mined, and I resolved to change my tactics.
I could not understand the girls dish:lolloa
tion to allow our acquaintance to bee , itne in
any respect familiar, but I knew that she
would not dare to treat me rudely, and watch
ing my opportunity one Sunday afternoon, I
addressed her as she stood at the gate of the
cottage, and as I admired some flowers which
grew in a bed near the house, she could not
escape, politely, from the necessity of invi
ting me to walk through the yard. Acci•
deutally we met the mother. I had an invi
tation to enter the cottage. Of course I ao
cepted with pleasure, and, finding the moth.
er inclined to be more communicative than
the daughter,
I managed to learn that they
were French folks although they spoke En
glish remarkably well. The cottage parlor
was furnished plainly, but elegantly. There
were upon the walls several pictures, and up.
on the mantle a number of delicate Works of
art, which I was satisfied could not have
been purchased by the limited earnings of
an apple girl.
Why a young girl who lived in such a cot
tage, with 60 much evident taste and mild
ration, should invariably wear a pink calico
dress, and sell fruits, nuts and candies on the
streets, was to me a perplexed inquiry.—
There was a web of romance weaving around
the mysterious apple girl, which became
more and more interesting, and every day my
resolution to unravel it became stronger.—
There was so much modesty in the girl's
ALra. ..rsacter) ere dolat Vla,ixtll3r Nervararvempeor.
bearing at her apple stand—she seemed so
much afraid of scandal, should any converse
with her longer than was necessary to make
purchases—that there was no way left for
me to solve the mystery of her life but by
visiting the cottage. Again I went without
an invitation, and boldly made known the
curiosity which led me to force myself upon
their acquaintance.
-- TM — daughter laughed heartily, and said
gaily. 'We have been just as much at fault
to understand your curiosity as you were to
reconcile our circumstances with our employ
ment.'
'Then we should be mutual confidants,' I
observed. ' I have been very frank with you,
.d hope yo will reciprocate.' -
'But our halloos — ere — n - or - sialilait.
archly replied. 'We are not responsible for
your curiosity, but you for ours,' -
'Why so?' I cried.
.'fuses forced upon cis
'lndeed, and was not mine forced upon me,
in such a manner, too, as left me no ..ehoice
but to seek out the mystery ? But a truce
to this bandying of tr..rds ; you will not take
advantage of myjraokness for any further
purpose than to reward it with full explana
tions ?'
She looked nt me a moment, as if ques
tioning my apparent honesty, and then sajci.
pleasantly :
ott-have-beeu-so-good-s-patron
of my apple stand, and you have taken such
pains to know the romance of my history, if
you will promise secrecy, I'll tell you.'
I'll aacept any condition that I can fulfill,'
answered, eagerly. _
'Walk with me into the garden, then,' said
the girl.
We had a pleasant seat under a 'rustic
arbor, when the lady remarked :
'Mother told you that we once lived in a
villaae near Paris.'
She -d idik-I-answerekon-rery - ffratiri:
'We were not doh, but we had a pretty
cottage, and an income sufficient to • support
us, Father died when I was a little girl.—
I had no brothers, but I had a playmate
Who was dearer to me - than a brother. As
we grew older, his parents, who were rich,
forbade him to visit our house. We met in
the fields. We loved each other, and would
not-be-separated - His father learned — that
we still met, and he was very angry Be
told his son -that if he visited me he could
not live at home. Our fathers had been
bitter enemies, but we could not understaad
why that should make us enemies when we
loved each other,and_Emile—deolared—that
he would-not - neglect me if his - fattier—did
shut his doors_against—him.--One—day—be
said to me. am going to run away, but
not from you—from father, and you shall
come to me, and then we shall never be part
ed.' It was hard to consent, but Emile in
sisted, and we took leave of each other, and
he did run away. It was a long time before
we heard from him; then we got a letter
which told us be was in America. I had
changed very much since Emile's absence,
and mother was afraid I would die.' I coax
ed her to let me,go to Kmerica. Emile toed
us in his letter that he lived in Cincinnati.
When we arrived in Boston, we enquired of
Cincinnati, and wore directed to this place.
Mother bought this cottage, and here we
have lived expecting to meet Emile.'
'Have you never heard from him ?' I en
quired.
'Only once,' she answered.
'Do you know where he is now ?
'No, indeed; if we did we would not stay
hero long.'
'Have you never written to him ?'
'We do not know his name. He has
changed it, as he told us in his letter, but
he neglected to tell us what name he now
bears.
'Do you think you will ever find him 7'
'Yes, indeed, I do. I dream about him
every night I know he is not dead and I
shall soon meet him.'
I made inquiry, hoping it might lead to
some explanation of the pink dress and apple
selling mystery. Shetinfierstood_Any _look
and tone of curiosity, and answered pleasant
ly:
'That will explain to you the remotion of
my dress and occupation. When &Ilibland
I played together in France, I often wore a
dress very much like this one. If he should
see me anywhere in this dress he would know
me. I might meet him and not know him,
but he would recognise me, and I would not
dress in any other style, for fear we might
miss each oilier.
'But why sell apples in the street ?' said
I, with a look of' admiration at her devotion,
which she could not well mistake ; 'there is
pert: idly no neoesmity that you should be so
occupied.'
'Yes there is,' she answered naively ,
must be where Emile could see me, if he
were to visit the city. I dare not be on the
street all thiq time, unless 1 am occupied,
and I never thought there was any disgrace
in selling apples.
'Certainly not, I exclaimed ;'but all who
know your history will honor you, Accept
my sincerest wishes that your devotion to
the lover of your youth may be fully re
warded by an early meeting and a happy re
union.'
'Thank you, thank you ; but be is my lov
er now as much as be was when we were in
France, and I know I am ping to see him
soon. I will show him to you here this
winter; I know I will. Mother tells me I
am foolish, but something tells me to hope,
and 1 do hope.
'May you not be disappointed,' I said in
voluntarily.
A few weeks after this interview, I missed
the apple girl in the pink dress from her ac
customed stand. • Fearing that she might be
sick, I resolved to call at the cottage in the
evening. When I went to my boarding
house at supper time, a note was handed are.
It contained these words :
'Dear Sir : Come to our house this even
ing. We have something more to toll you
about the romance (as you call it) of my
humble dress and ocoupation.
'THE APPLE GIRL.'
I went—the mother stood in the door to
welcome me, but the daughter ran to meet
me, and taking both of my hands in hers, in
a delirium of joy, she cried
'lle's come—he's come'
In her pink dress at the apple stand, she
had met Emile the day previous.
I stood that night a witness to their union,
and a happier wedding I never attended.
The devotfon of the simple girl was reward
ed—her faith . was not misplaced—her home
ly talisman proved a true one.
am a
ou an
at Home.
We are often addressed by young men and
persons of family for information in regard
to this, that and the other place, with a view
f •mi rating from their old home
new place. The most of these letters are
from the South, and their inquiries are in re
spect to the West and the Territories. In
answer to all of these inquiries, NV9_ would
say honestly and from experience, in the
words with which we head this article, '.lf
you can earn a living stay at home!' And
who cannot do best where he is best known
but a rascal? It is a delusion to suppose
that one can do better somewhere else than
troureTwhere-lre-w-a-s-rai-s-cdTer—b-a-s—bwg
lived—a delusion which experience fully es
tablishes in 99 eases in every hundred.—
Young men with small means can do no more
in the West than in the East, North and
Sou t liand-as-itt-too-often-the-casei-much
worse. It takes more money to make a liv
ing in the West, as a general thing, than
elsewhere. If the emigrant is a farmer, he
finds land but little cheaper, and the cost of
establishing himself, and of getting his pro.
ducts to market, much-greater than-in-more
iopu ous netg tor too. s •s to t e pas
fortunes are not acquired in the West hon.,.
orably at this age. The labor in the mines
is the hardest in the world and the return
'not as great as that earned by any good cit
izen in any of the cities. To make money
easy in the far West needs a large cash cap
ital, or a stook of mean whisky I Few are
doing so well in Colorado, Wyoming, Mon
tana, Utah and Nevada, or east of these ter
ritories—in lowa, Nebraska, Kansas an d
Minnesota— as, those who follow up the line
of construction on the U. P. R. R., and sell
rot-gut whisky to the hands employed. What
young man, who reads this, would give up
-his-friends - and - home in - the - South or East
to.make money by such means ? We know
- of - what - we - speak;when we sa,—y-tW-lill-th-Ttt
has been said of the flashy towns of the West
and the wondrous inducements held out to
emigrants, are delusions There is nothing
but deception in store for all who rely upon
the colorings put upon the West by those
whose interest it is to delude people into
emigrating westward. We say to all, if you
can earn a living at home, stay there. If
you MI make a living where you are, it is
perhaps more than you will make in the
West. 'Stay at home—do the best you can
—act honorably—be discreet and judicious,
and you will bo happier and wealthier •in
time than if you are led about by popular
deceptions.— Watchman.
RIM! WITHOUT MONEY.—Many a man
is rich without money. Thousands of men
with nothing in their pockets, are rich. A
man born with a good sound constitution, a
good stomach, a good head piece, is rich.—
Good bones are bettor than silver, and nerves
that flash fire and carry energy to every func.
tion. are better than house and land. It is
better than landed eitate to have had the
right kind of a father and mother. Good
and bad breeds exist among men as really a•
moog herds and horses. Education may do
much to check evil tendencies, or to develop
good ones, but it is a good thing to inherit
the right proportion of faculties to start with.
Tho man is right who has a flavor of wit and
fun in his composition. The hardest thing
to get along with in this life - is a man's own
self. A cross, selfish follow, a timid, care.
\ burdened man—these are all born deformed
inside. Their feet may not limp, but their
thoughts do. A man of fortune, on the
brink of the grave, would gladly part with
every dollar to obtain a longer /case of life
LIFE AND ITS END.—Remember for what
purpose yon were born, and, through the
whole of life, look at its end. Consider,
when that comes, in what will you put your
trust. Not in the bubble of worldly vanity
—it will be broken ; not in worldly pleasures
—they will be gone; not in great connec
tions—they cannot serve you; not in wealth
—you cannot carry' it with you; not in rank
—in the grave there is no distinction ; not
in the recollection of a life spent in a giddy
conformity to the silly fashions of a thought.
less and wicked world; but in that of a life
spent soberly, righteously, and godly, in this
present world.
Tug SICK Roolll.—Avoid as much as
possible whispering in a sick room. In many
instances the patient's senses are acutely
sensitive, and he will hear every word you
utter; but when this is not the case, he sel
dom avoids perceiving any mysterious signs
between those around him, and they erasure
to irritate and alarm him. Let your man.
ner to the invalid be kind, frank and cheer.
ful ; and whatever private communication
you make your follow nurses, make it when
you have left the sick room.
MO=
Glycerine bas many valuable uses, some of
which are well-known. Yet it may not be
so generally known that Ibis awoot substance
is obtained by subjecting lard and tallow to
the notion of steam, heated in a tight vessel
to a high temperature. The steam causes
the fatty acids to separate from the glycerine.'
One of the best remedies for obaped bands is
glyeerioe. When diluted with water it is al
so linkable drooling for the hair.
An Army of Monkeys.
'They are coming, and will most likely
arose the river by the rooks yonder, • ob•
served Raoul. -
glow, swim it ?' I asked. 'lt is 'a torrent
there!'
'Oh, no,' answered the Frenchman; 'mon
keys would rather go into fire than water
It they cannot leap the streani they will
bridge it.'
'Bridge it I and how ?' -
'Stop a moment, captain, and you shall
see.'
The half-human voices now mudded near
er, and we could perceive that the animals
were -
y I Prom
-
bank, headed by ailold gray chieftain, and
officered like so many soldiers. They were,
as Raoul stated, of the oomadreja or ring
tailed tribe.
. 013—.111:1 Ls . • i'll•-,1 'oh, ir T cou
perhaps—ran out upon a projecting rock,
and, after looking across the stream, as it
calculating the distance, scampered back,
and appeared to communicate with ,the load.
er. This produced a movement to the troops.
Commands were issued, and fatigue patties
were detailed, and marched to the front.- , ---
Meauwh& several of the oomadrelasei]•
giueers no doubt—ran along the bank ex
amining the trees on both sides.
1 - le - rigth th - ey aroun - L.
cotton-wood that grew over the narrowest
part of the stream, and twenty or thirty of
them scampered up its trunk. Oc reaching
a high point, the foremost—a strong fellow
—ran-out-upon-a-limbi - and- - taking — several
turns of his tail around it, slipped off and
hung head downwards. The next on the
limb, also a stout one, climbed down the
body of first, and whipping his tail tight,
ly round the neck and forearm of the latter,
, I-dropped -off-in -his -turn, and-hung-head -down-.-
t - ".anceuvre, lir
AIM repeat& he manoeuvre upon the
Beeond, and the fourth upon the third, and
so on, until the last one upon the string
rested his fore-paws upon the ground.
,The living chain now commenced swing
jog backward and forward, like the pen
dulum of a clock. The motion was slight
at first, but gradually increased, the lower
most monkey striking his hands violently on
the earth as be passed the tangent of the
oscillating curve, several others on the limbs
above aiding the movement.
This continued until the monkey at the
end of the chain was thrown among the
branches of a tree on the opposite bank.-
-fierei - after two - or tbree - vibrationsh - e Clutch.
— aid a limb and held fast. This movement
- waselt - te - d - titirditlyluisrat - the ou MUIR nog
point of the oscillations, in order to save the
intermediate links from the violence of a
too sudden jerk I The chain was now fast
at both ends, forming a complete suspension
bridge, over which the whole troop, to the
number of four or five hundred, passed with
the rapidity of thought.
It was one of the most comical sights I
ever beheld, to witness the quizzical expres
sion of the countenances along that living
chain I
Tho troop was now on the other side, but
how were the animals forming the bridge to
get themselves over? This was the question
which suggested itself. Manifestly by num•
bor one letting go his tail. But then the
point d'appui on the other side was much
lower down, and number one, with a half
dozen of his neighbors, would
.. be dashed
against the opposite bank or soused in the
water.
Hero, then, was a problem, and we waited
with some ouriopity far its solution. It was
soon solved. A monkey was now seen at
taching his tail to the lowest on the bridge;
another girdled him in a similar manner, and
another, and so ou, until a dozen more were
added to the string. These last were all
powerful fellows, and, running up to a high
limb, they lifted the bridge into a position
almost horizontal,
Then a sereatn from the last rootlike of
the new formation warned the tail end that
all was ready ; and the next moment the
whole chain was swung over, and landed safe
ly on the opposite hank. The lowermo-t
links now dropped off like a melting candle,
while the higher ones leaped to the branches
and came down by the trunk. The whole
troop then scampered off into the cbapperal
and disappeared.—Adventures in Mexico by
Lieut. M. Reid:
The other day a young lady stepped int()
a well•known established on Baliirnore street,
and inquired of a handsome clerk .
'Sir, have you auy mouse•colored ladies'
glov ?' •
'Mouse colored, Miss
'Yes, a sort of gray—just the color of
your drawers ;' meaning the store drawers,
whiob were painted gray.
''My drawers, Miss,' ejaculated the young
man, glancing down at his dress to -see rf
everything was right and tight. 'My draw
ers, Miss? wby I don't wear wey I'
We hoard an anecdote of a schoolboy the
other day. which illustrates the honesty of
the youth. The little fellow had a dirty
face, and his teacher told him to go and wash
it. Ile went out and stayed a few minutes,
and thou came hack with the lower half of
his countenance tolerably clean, and the up
per half wet and dirty. 'Johnny,' said the
teacher, 'why did you not wash your face ?'
did wash it,' said Johnny. 'Why did you]
not wipo it, then, all over ?"I did wipe it
as high as my shirt-tail would teach was
Johnny's conclusive reply.
A new hand in a barber shop was put on
to a customer who desired to be She ved.—
The new hand was rough, and put his viotim
through in a vigorous manner. Atter he
had finished, the gentleman inquired of the
new barber if ho had ever shaved any ono
beside himself. The barber replied that ho
bad. Will you permit me to inquire, then,
ij the man lived
119260003Pev,
. t ,
A Wtokid Fraud,
It.is seldom pleasant to tell . ou ooe"s sell,
but sometimes it is a sort of teller to a man
to make a sad confession. I wish' to un
burden my mind, now,' and yet I almost be
lieve that I ,tin moved to do it more because,
I long to bring censure upon another man
than" beeause I desire to pour b duct upon my
wounded heart. (I don't know what balm
is, but I believe it is the correct expression
to use in this connection—never having seen
any balm.) You may remember that f lee.
tured in Newark lately for the young gentle. ,
men of the Clayenion Society ? 1 did at any
rato. During; the afternoon of that day, I
" Jlking with or •
men_jAtstieferred' to,_and ho said ho had an
uncle, who, from some cause or other, - Seemed
to have grown permanently bereft of all emo
tion. And, With tears in his eyes, this young
wan said :
mord! Oh, it I could only see. him weep !'
I was touched. I never could a - id:mt.:lA
dktre.s. I said:
- 'Bring him to my lecture. I'll etart'im
for you.'
'Oh, if 3.0 u could but do it 1 If you could
but do it, all our family would bless you for
e'vVr—for he is very dear to us Oh, my
benefactor, can you make him laugh 7 Can
yett. i bting soothing tears to those parehvd
or s
I waErprofountily moved. I Eaid •
'''.llly son, bring the uld party a u - untl.
have got slime j”kes in that lecture that will
wake him I.ugh if there is any Bulb in him
id if the”—
—alit, they miss tire 1 have some ushers
that'll wake him ory or kill him, olio or the
Then the young man blessed me, and wept
on rny neek,_and blew his nose—on_tny__euat
tail ; and went after his uncle. Ile placed
EIIEMEE
es, 't tat night, and I begin on him. 1 tried
him with mild jukes; then with severe ones;
1 dosed him with bad jokes, and riddled him
with good ones; I fired old jokes into him,
and peppered him fore and-alt with red-hot
new ones; I warmed up to my work, and as
saulted him right and left, in front -md be
hind; I fumed and sweated, and charged and
routed, till I was hoarse tvid sick, and frantic
and furious—but 1 Dover moved him ouee—
I never started a 6wilo or a tear ; Never a
ghost of a 'smile,
,and never a stiopicion of
moisture! I was astounded. I (11,nd the
lecture at last with ono despairing sbriek—
with one wild burst of humor—and burled a
'olio of su creatural atrocity
never phased him ! The❑ I sat down be
erod and eahauste
The President of the Society came up and
bathed my heal with cold water, and then
said :
What made you carry oo so toward the
last ?'
'I said :
was trying to make that confounded old
fool lanai), in the second row .'
And he said :
'Well, you wcro wasting your time—be•
cause ho is deaf and dumb, and as blind as a
badger.
Now was that any way for the old man's
nephew to impose on a stranger and an or
phan like me ? I simply ask you, na a man
and a brother, if that was any way for him
to do I NARK TWAIN.
The following dialogue, which took place
in a street car, is too good to be lost.: Oue
of a couple of Teutonic gentlemen, sitting in
one end of the ear, seeing a flashy' dressed
fellow come in and take his seat at an oppo
site end from where they were sitting asked:
ish dat Hans ?' Oh, dat ish a
sphort." 'Vat ybu call sphorr, aye ?"You
not know vat a ephort ish, aye ?"No, vat
ish he ?"Val, lie is von of der fellers vat
shave all de hair off a pig, and' cover him
over wit soap, and bet 'a green Dutchman
five dollars he can't catch him.'
There is a man in Blaine, the owner of a
piece of crinoline, who shows decided pluck.
lle says that when the minister was hugging
nud kishing his wife, he peeped through the
crack of toe door and saw it all; and as lung
as he has the spirit of a man remaining, ho
will peep on smi t h occasions.
An exchange paper has the tollowing
'lt is said that there are more editors uu•
married than any mho class of r rotessional
men.' For the reason, we suppose, that the
majority of them are men of flue sentiment,
and do not wish to starve anybody's sister!
The followini Pentimont is attributed to
Napoleon Bonaparte: 'A handsome woman
pleases the eye, but a good woman pleases
the heart. The one is a jewel—the other is
a treasure'
Ike's last trial; was to throw Mrs. Part
ington's gaiter in the alley, and call the old
lady down from the third Boor to seo as
alley gaiter.
In Indium', bashful young men pop the
question by asking the lair to 'elide down
the hill of life iyith
A man who claims an extraordinary a
ni)unt of veneration says ho respects old age
in everything except chickens for dinner.
A forlorn editor estys it is bard to live
without a wife—no gentle heart to get up
tuoruings to build tna fire.
Why were they not hungry in the ark ?
Because tliPy 'bn.l • line eboartl.
Why would lawyers make good soldiers ?
Because they know how to uharge.
The has a wan makes of hionelf, the more
of a miku he is
-What port , is ?ought by every living Crea
ture? support.
NUMBER 3