tgr ••• V OLUME XXI. xmconimiwicut!.i.r_s. BY JAMES K. yITZBOY. I have wept for beauty perished, its wounds -my-heart-has-bled have-mourned that idols cherished Should be numbered with the dead ; Yet my tears and all my mournings Were for things forever fled ! d that d Might be sumindaed back again; I have waited, weary-hearted, • sr-a-glad-stmeatie_nf_p: - . Yet my prayers and all my vigils Were, and everlnuit- I have hoped that clouds might vanish; That the rain might soon be o'er; I have wished the sun might banish —These hi ack-shadows_from my doom; Yet my hopes and all my wishes Shall be granted nevermore! Hopings, yearnings, aspirations— ens.e *74!e ye shadowy, vain creations'! Must ye come but to depart? Joy i-13, how thou quickly fadest I PMMTtRWRMZMI HAPPY WOMEN. Impatient women r as you wait In cheerful homes to-night, to hear Th e _ s o tt ud_o : • , - t.uum, asanuEic-to-ywtr,ear..: Forget yourselves a little while, And think in pity of the pain Of wonwn who will never smile, To hear a totniiig step again Dories that in th - iinad Ics sleep, Delon_ to ou in perfect trust; Think of the mother left to weep, Their babies lying in the dust And when the step you wait for comes, And all your world is full of light, 0, women safe in happy homes, onesome sou s ray or a IVllSiecioi..malk.w - i r . A LITTLE TOO PUNCTUAL.. • The hour was approaclungfr the depart ure of the New Haven steamboat from her berth at New. York, and the usual crowd of passengers, newsboys, fruit-venders. cabmen and dock-loafers were assembled on and a bourthe boat. We were gazing at the motley group from the foot of the deck stairs, when our atten tion was attracted by the singular action of a tall brown Yankee, in an immense brown hat, chocolate colored coat and pantaloons, and fancy vest. He stood near the starboard saddle-box, and scrutinizing sharply every female that came on board, every now and then consulting his enormous bull's eye watch, which he raised from the debths of a capacious fob, by means of a powerful steel chain—After_mounting—guard in this man ner, he dashed down the gang-plank and ap the wharf, reappearing again on board almost instantly, expressing the most intense anxie ty. This series of operations he performed several times, after which he rushed about the boat wildly, and hopelessly ejaculating:, 'What's the time of day ? Wonder if my repeater is fast? What's the Cap'n? What's the Stewart?. What's the mate? Whar's the boss that owns the ship?' 'What's the matter, air?' we ventured to ask him when he had halted a moment for breath. 'Hain't . seen nothin' of a gal in a blue sun bonnet, with a Canton crape shawl (cost fif teen dollars,) pink gown and brown boots, hey? Come aboard while I've been looking for the cap n, at the hind part of the ship— have ye, bey?' 'No such person has come on board.' 'Tormented lightninglr--she's my wife!' be screamed; 'married her yesterday ! All her trunks and mine are aboard, under a pile of baggage as tall as a Connecticut steeple!— The black nigger says he wont band it out to me, and I wont leave my baggage anyhow. My wife—only think of it—was to have com et half past font., and here it-is now most •el What's become of her? She can't' have e loped! We haven't been married long e—f nongh for that. You don't think she's been abdicated, do ye, Mister? Speak—answer— won't ye? Oh! I'm ravip' distracted. What are they ringin' that bell for? Is the old ship on fire?' 'lt is the signal for departure—the first hell; the second bell will ring in four min utes.' iThander,' you dont't say so! R bar's the Cap'n?' 'That gentleman in the blue coat.' . The Y a nkee darted to the captain's side. atop the ship for ten minutes, will 9 e ?' fCanot do it, sir,' 'But ye must, I tell ye; I'll pay ye for it. Bow much will ye take ?' . 'I could not do it.' teapzn, I'll give ye tew dollars,' gasped the Yankee. ... . The captain shock his head. give ye five dollars and a half—and a half —and a half he kept repeating, and dancing about in agony; like a mad bull. 'This boat starts at precisely five,' said the !OEM HERE-CARY Tbo only sale course for a young man who would retain his virtue and his correct prin ciples, is to keep away from temptation: flow many have fallen who merely ventured to look at vice in her gaudy colors! Her temptation was to strong for them to re- I silt. WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN coon PENNSHLVANIA,• FRIDAY MORNING, SEPTEMBER 6. 1367. captain shortly, and turned away. 'Oh, you stony hearted heathen mar. 'roared the Yankee, almost bursting into tears. 'Partin' man and wife, and we just one day married!' At this moment the huge paddle wheel be. gao to paw the water, and the walking beam descended heavily, shaking the huge fabric to the centre. All who .were not going to Now Haven went.ashore. The hands began, to liaul in the gang-plank; the-fastenings= were already. cut loose. 'Legge that plank,' roared the Yankee, col. -laring one-of the hands. 'Drop it like a hot _po aWorPli - throw - you into the - dock - ' --- 'Yo-yo!' shouted the men in chorus as they ..:••I II I 'Shut up, yebra — yin ; donkeys!' yelled till maddened Yankee, 'or there'll be ugly sor e of work!' :ut tie p .n: was go aioari, an. ie boat splashed past the - pier. In an instant the Yankee pulled off his coat, and flung his RIMMIWMTIUM _____!Are.you_drunk_or orazyr_cried _a. passen... ger, seizing him. 'l'm going to fling myself into the dock and swim ashore,' cried the Yankee. mum% leave , my Sairy Ann alone in New York city. Yeon may divide my baggage , among ye— et me go :in swim. lie struggled so furiously that the conse quences of his rashness might have been fatal had not an apparition changed his purpose. Ave y pret MI..III:1 llt :II bonnet, white Canton orape shawl, pink dress and-brown boots-came toward him. The-big i brown Yankee uttered one stentorian shout of- Sairy-A-nn;--clasping-her-in—his—arms—in spite of her struggling, and kissed her hear tily, right before the passengers. Whar did ye come from?' he inquired. 'From the ladies cabin,' answered the brideT 'You told me at half-past fou►, - but I thought I'd make sure and come at four.' 'A little too punetooal said the Yankee, 'but Ws all right neow. Go ahead steam ii• • *I -•, I • re—cm-mat _ . When the sun set, the loving couple were seen sitting in the upper deck, the big brown Yankee's arm encircling the slender waist of the young, woman in a blue bonnet and pink dress, We believe they reached their desti nation safe and sound. from Tem Thoy partook ofdie fatal glass—snatebed the gilded treasure, or gave themselves -41 to uncleanliness. None are secure who run in the ways of sin; who see how near they can venture on the threshold of vice, without entangling their feet in the net of the adversary. Have you never heard the story of a gen• tleman who advertised for a coachman? if not, we will repeat it. Three applicants were admitted to his room. He pointed out to them a precipice, remarked, 'How near the edge of this can you drive me, without any danger of an upset.' . 'The first applicant replied,' Within a hair's breadth; 'How near can you drive me?' inquired the gentleman of a seccond applicant. 'Within a hair's breadth,' he replied. Ae the third was about leaving the room supposing that he had no chance of compet ing with the other two, the gentleman stop ped him. 'Let me hear what you have to say,' said ho. 'Why, sir, I cannot compete with either of these; if I were to drive you, I .would keep as far off as I possibly could.' 'Yon are the man'for me' said the gen. tlen:kan, and he engaged him immediately. In regard to vice,' be only is safe who keeps away from temptation. Those who venture near are often upset and destroyed. We can point to individuals who are lost to virtue, who, when they took the first wrong step, resolved never to take another. It was the voice of a pretended friend, it may be, which urged them on, only for once ; but it proved their destruction. Ye who are now safe, whose hearts are un contaminated, listen to the voice of wisdom and go not where there are strong allure ments to vice. Keep away from the gaming table, the grog-shops, and the midnight par ty. 'Keep as far off as possible, and a life of integrity and virtue will assuredly be yours. ✓ SELESS M ()rim—A witticism by a distin• guished member of the bar, Sergeant 8., is going the rounds of the London clubs. Sergeant B. and Sergeant M. met in the rob ing-room of Westminster, when the latter bitterly complained of the amount of work which he was saddled with, declaring that it was killing him. 'Why, then,' said 8., 'do you work so hard? Give up some of your practice--you have made a lot of money, you know?' 'Yes,' replied M., 'but I have got into a groove and cannot get out of it.' groove!' retorted 8., 'yes a groove of love of money. But, remember M., you cannot take your money with you when you die, and if you could, in your case, it would be useless, for it would be melted in a minute or two.' A lady in Reading Mass., while conver sing with some callers, sudd slily turned pale, and sinking into a chair, exclaimed, 'Did you hear that gun? It affected me strange ly,' and she wept inconsolably. (ler visitors had heard no report, and it at terward appear ed that no gun had been fired at that time on the place. News came, however, that her brother, residing a hundred miles away, was at that very hour fatally shot by . the accidenfal discharge of Lis fowling-piece while hunting in .a grove near his house. Am. Ira.clevericleamt Warn.l.l:y Nelareoriziper. MAJOR ANDRE. One of the most melancholy incidents of the American Revolution, was the good yet unfortunate Major Andre. Tempted by the traitor Arnold, he thus committed a deed which brought him to his shameful end. I will give the reader a short sketch of the plot, which, if it had succeeded, would have crushed America; and, at the present day, we, like Ireland, would-be-ruled-6y-thi English tyrant. senediot Arnold'paced nervously his room, thinking of the dark deed which, was aboat to take plane. 'lt is too late for repentance, be ex— • aimedOthe-d-brireast Th e — British — mes- - se n ger, Andre, iv now here, and these letters and papers will unlock to him the-strong fort ress of the North. He was rnterruptcd by a servant who in. formed him that a visitor wished to see him. The servant suspected that somethin: was going wrong, an , 1 rno 6,, to lis great anger, saw it. 'Did I not, give you leave of absence to day ?' he asked, in an angry tone of voice. Arnold'dismissed him , telling him to con duct the visitor to his room. Major Andre soon entered—the noble youth stood before the traitor, who was about to send him on an errand that proved his death. We will not weary the reader with the conversation which passed between them; -sufErce it to say that the deed wa - s — d - .. But Andre, willingly would he give it up, -but-it- was - then - too - late — Alasi - how - sad these words—"too late!' The deed was -u rged-on-him-and-prompted-himla-ha d asked the hand of a lovely daughter of a proud father. It was refused by the father on account of his humble station. Yet he was bade to hope; and if the wild scheme suc ceeded, he would be the father's equal; for this reason he entered into this „dangerous plot. Major' ndre started on bie - errand. He : seed-to-the-eastern-eido=of=t-Us=H=uda i , -and-proceeded towards New --- York — by- - land; - But alas for human hopes! Near_Tarrytown_ be was stopped by three men by the name of Paulding, Williams and Isaac Van Wert. When Andrew was arrested he was very in dignant. and showed them Benedict Arnold's pass, and exclaimed, my pass! Lot me l o !' ut — they turned a eaf ear to his words as he wore a British uniform. After a little conversation they agreed to search him.— Andrew could not defend himself, therefore he allowed them. They were about to give up their search when one, more cunning - - - I • . • .1 of the boot 'lt must come off,' he said. to be faint; I'll help you 1' With this he drew off the boot, and sever al letters fell upon the ground. The letters informed them all they wished to knovr.— Major Andre was their prisoner. Ho offered them gold to be released, but they heeded him not. They said as. Gen. Reed said, 'Though we are . poor, your king is not rich enough to buy us.' • 'I honor and admire your hoble conduct. It is useless to fight against a nation of such men as you! Alas! I must die shamefully, 0 ambition! fatal ambition! Destroyer of my honor and my life! Why hast thou lured me by thy deceitful light until I have fallen? I will die bravely. Lead on! lam ready!' He was tried, found guilty, and sentenced to be executed. After the sentence, the of ficers of the court martial wrote to Gen. Washington for pardon, but their answer was as follows : To GEN. GREENE, AND ME OFFICERS OF THE COURT MARTIAL Gentlemen :—W ith deep regret I have perused the evidence produced on the trial of Major Andre, of his Brittanie Majesty's forces, also your arguments in his favor, ad ded to which a letter from the prisoner, re plete with sentiments of feeling and honor; but the state of our distracted country re quires that for tl'e general welfare an ex ample should be made of those who have al lied themselves in treason with the traitor Arnold. Were he successful, what would be the result to our half•acquired liberties ? Tyranny would again march forth, clothed in the gory habiliments of desolation, and all our cherished dreams of freedom, for which so many patriotic heroes have sacrificed their lives and fortunes, would vanish like a vision never to be recalled. And though it grieves my soul to be the cause of human suffering—he must die! To soothe the excited feelings of the many wa vering hearts, the occasion demands that the example of Andre's guilt shall make its full impression;' his request of mercy cannot be granted. From my heart I sympathize with Andre's situation, whose noble qualities have endear ed him unto friends and enemies, and I sin cerely pray that in another world he will find a reward and consolation for all his sufferings hero. Would I could pardon him but my duty to my country is paramount to my feel ings as a man! [Signed] . GEO. WAS GINGTON. The fetter crushed the last hope from Andre's breast. 'Cruel Washington!' he exclaimed, 'you too, resolve to take my life.' 'Not etuel, Andre,' said La Fayette, 'Washington is goodness itself.. All 'the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the friend and enemy, all bear witness to the kindness of that godlike man; who, in'freedom's sacred cause, with half fed troops, inferior numbers, and no hope save that of Liberty, so oft has fought and conquered the disciplined veter ans of England. °hell Unsay those words, unfortunate young man, or to all coming time it will be recorded that there was but one spoke against the goodness of Columbia's chief, and that one was Andre!' 'Forgive me the unthinking word,' said Andre; ''twas miseryforced it from me.— Weakness from this time forth is banished from my heart. Pardon prave son of France,' he continued, taking La Fayette's hand, 'the unkind word coming from my lips. but not from my heart.' Painful as it was, they led him to the ex ecution. Ho died as he had_lived—a soldier! Benedict Arnold—the destroyer of the young man's life—fled. He lived a miser able life in lonelyness, scorned by all who -knew-him. poloatiOm*amoimmool -he-manner-in-which=the-Southern-peo ple have been treated since the war, makes usforget that_they_rebelled against_the Gov ernment, and resorted to every means at their disposal to divide the Union which our forefathers had founded, and to establish on - a - portiorrofittrruine - a - eonfederacyi - travin: for its chief corner.stone the nefarious insti tution of African Slavery. No pe , 4 , !! were - ever -- more - deserving - of - Trunishm • nt-than those who attempted to destroy the free Gov- ern - ment of the United States. Treason a gainst a monarchy was considered, in past ages, as the greatest crime known to the law, yet this crime cannot be compared to a con spiracy against a republic, under which the conspirators, at least, and all those for whom they had any affection, or for - whose welfare they felt any interest, enjoyed all the rights and privileges- eompatib'.e with the stability nd-existe ace-of-a-El atien —Lat_us_ito t_for get that the men who are now clamoring for _proteotion at the hands_of_the _President, and who speak and act like a victorious rathei than_a_conquered_people,_were but recently engaged in open warfare against their coun try. They are traitors, and, buJor the len iency of their conquerers, would have suffer --e d - th - e - penal ties - of - treasou . One - eh ou Id - n ot forget that these men—at least the most in. flnential among them—have forfeited their lives and liberties, and that they enjoy their' present privileges solely through the msg -, • ~ i.. y if a- : • . , i .:- t I ' • nment.--The fazt_ that_the'se mem are traitors .should_be re_ membered: In every controversy it should be kept before our minds. They shotild - lie branded like the Tories of the Revolution:— The odium of "treasonshould be cast upon them. 1 It is an o1(1 saying that, when the cones uenees of an act or the omission of an act are nown, we can very easily see what should or should not have been done. ter an experience of more than two years it is very apparent what would have been the proper course to pursue towards the conquer ed Rebels. They should have been inform- wnr•ri7rli7"rio - h • •• :7 army.—that-certain-of-their - leaders should—be forever disfranchised; that colerd men, over the age of twenty-one, should be allowed to vote, and that such among them as were en titled to the ballot should, as soon as practi cable, hold an election throughout the sev eral States for the• election of officers, both State and national. Loyality would then have been rewarded and treason disgraced. The man who had been true to his country during the war, finding that he could vote, while an active Rebel could not, would have felt that it was some honor to have been a loyal man. But as affairs now stand in the Southern States, the traitor, not the loyal man is the honored individual, and such, we fear, will continue to be the ease, until the Government, in the exercise of its legitimate power, and by a strict enforcement of the laws recently enacted by Congress, shall show that treason is a crime, and must be punish ed. As long as the Government is lenient and forbearing, loyalty will be at a.discount. The - traitor who left the State of Maryland and fought under the Rebel flag is now, on his return, entitled to the same privileges as the bravo volunteer who fought to maintain the integrity of his country. Future gener ations can scarcely believe that such was the fact, its justice. We have said that in Mary land the traitor and the loyal man enjoy equal privileges. We can add that at this time treason in Maryland is at a premium.— To have been in the Rebel army is one of the best recommendations for office or posi tion of almost any character. Thomas Swann appoints no man to office who was not in the • Rebel army, or can give satisfactory evidence that he was an active supporter of the Con federate cause. When peace and good order is restored the hatchet should be buried; but we would not barter away.the rights so dear ly purchased mearly to soothe the feelings of .a few unrepentant Rebels. We wish the fact to be remembered that- treason has .been' committed, and that the men who are Planing so many obstacles in the way of Reconstruc• tion are traitors of the darkest character.— Bali. A nierican. 'You appear ANDY AND 1118 FRIENDS.-The Pittsburg Rpiddec, in commenting on what is called a conservative platform, discourses as follows: 'The first resolution reaffirms the necessity for a strict adherence to the Constittaqn! 'The second sets forth the consistent and patriotic ,clforts of the President to maintain the Constitution 'The third resolution avows that the safe ty of Republican institutions depends upon the preservance, of the constitution.' 'Wherever you bear a man prating about the constitution, spot him, for he is's trait or.'— Andy Johnson's speech in Tennes see. A funny case came before a Justice in Milwaukie the other day. A young woman who . had accepted the attentions and civili ties of a young gentleman for some time, at length was married to some one else, where upon the deceived individual sued for a bill of $204,25. the amount be paid in her be half in taking her to concerts, operas, pie nits, rides and ice cream saloons.— As an offset he credited her with,aundry kisses va laud at $L6,67i, and unreturned photograph and a ring, making in all a total cd• 537,75. lle recovered the bill, the Judge allowed the plaintiff the kisses at his own valuation. Mae Old Woman." Once she was 'Mother,' and it was 'Moth er, I'm hungry.' 'Mother, mend. my jack et,' and 'Mother put up my dinner.' and 'Mother.' with her loving hands, would spread the bread and butter, and stow away the lun cheon, and sew on the great patch, her. heart brimming with affection for the impel.. ions little curly pate that made her so many steps. and nearly distracted her with his boisterous-mirth. Now she is the 'old woman,' but she did not think then it would ever come to that. She looked-on-through-the-future _years_and eaw her boy - to - manhood-grown; and-he-stocr transfigured in the light of her own beauti ful-loveT---Never-was-there a more noble son than he—honored of the world, and the staff of her declining years. Aye, he was hersupport even then, bn she did not know it---Sh-e—e-ever—rigilito that it ,was her little boy that gave her strenlth for dail• toil—that his slender form was all that up s e er over 'tie ink of a dark despair. She only knew how she lov ed the child, and felt that amid the mists of age his love would beat her gently through its infirmities to the dark hall leading to the life beyond. But the son tas forgotten the mother's tender ministrations now. Adrift from the moorings of home, he is cold, selfish, heart Tess, and 'Mother' has no sacred meaning to the prodigal. She is 'the old woman,' wrink led, gray, tame Pity her, 0 grave, and dry those tears that roll dolvn her furrowed cheeks! Have com passion on her sensitive heart,' and offer it - thy - quiet - rest, that it may forget how-mucti it longed to be 'dear mother' to the boy it nour ished through a careless childhood, but in re turn for all its wealth of tenderous was:only given back 'reproach. The Eternal Word. No fragment of any army ever survived so maliy_battles as the bible; no citadel ever 1: -oo' e-manyeteges;-no-re • • aß—ever battered-by--so-many-storms.--.-And yet-it' stands.___lr has seen_the_rise and downfall of Daniel's four empires. Assyria bequeaths a few mutilated figures to the riches of our national museum. Media and Persia, like Babylon, which they conquered,_have_been weighed ia_the_balance _and long ago found wattling. Greece-faintly-survives in its his tonic fame—' Tis living Greece no more;' and the iron Rome of the Caesars is held in precarious occupation by a feeble hand. And yet the book that foretells all this still sur,v \ ives, while nations, kings, philosophers, s 'stems institutions have died awa • the bible engages now man's deepest thoughts, is examined by the keenest intellects, stands before the highest tribunal, is more read and sifted and debated, rm.° devoutly loved and more vehemently assailed, more defended and more denied, more industriously translated and freely given to the world, more honored and more abused, than any other book the world ever saw. It survives all changes, itself unchanged; it moves all minds, yet is moved by none, it sees all things decay, itself incorruptible; it sees myriads of other books engulfed in the streams of time yet, is borne along tri umphantly on the wave; and will be borne along, till the mystic angel shall plant his foot upon the sea, and swear by him who liveth forever and ever that time shall be no longer. 'For all flesh is as grass. The grass with ereth and the flowers fadeth away; but the Word of the Lord endureth forever.' A Singular Re-union. A few months - after-the-breaking out-of-the_, war in 184, a ,party ,of four ladies and four gentlemen were dining together at Delmoni co's in New York. During the dinner, in talking over the national affairs, the gentle men, one and all, solemnly agreed to volun teer and serve during the war. The ladies were very enthusiastic, and promisd to do all in their power to help the cause. They then signed a document, agreeing, if they lived through the struggle, to meet at the house of one of the ladies on a certain day, hour and year, and there relate their sever al experiences. The day named for the re union was the 14th of June, 1867, when they all assembled together once more. Two of the gentlemen had been promoted on the field for bravery; one was a colonel, and the other a major. The remaining two bad both been wounded, one having lost a leg, and the other au arm. As for the ladies, one was married to the gallant soldier who lost his leg, he having fallen in love with her while she was nursing the wounded in the hospital; another was engaged to the Colonel, and the third to the gentleman who lost his arm. The fourth young lady and the major assured the rest that they had arranged to live single the remainder of their lives. The evening was delightfully passodin listening to the many thrilling and a few amusing ad ventures each had. FELL ASLEEP.—The Norfolk Day Book tells the following:—.N. young gentleman from this city, who, is deeply smitten with a young and fair damsel on Ferry Point and who had fondly hoped that all his ardent at tachment was reciprocated, called on the fair Ferry Pointer yesterday. She looked lovely, and met him with such a winning smite that he had succeeded in awakening an iaterest for himself in her heart. Tinier this bliss ful delusion be sat down beside her, and with a tongue inspired with hia own ardent feelings poured out his love in what he supposed was her willing ear! By the time be had gotten through with the recital of his own devotion the lady was fast asleep, and the young gent retired, leaving the deeply interested (?) lady in the land of Nod. Ile declines to patronize the Ferry Point bridge any long er. Beware of a man who It tes everyboiy in his neighborhood. BOL.OO Par Yeti' Winnentore Ilting PHILADELPHIA, Aug. 20.—George W. Winnemore was hang this morning at 11 o'- clock at the county prison, for the murder of Mrs. Dorcab Magihon. When he reached the scaffold he ascend ed it without assistance, and stood erect up on the drop, when, in a voice, clear at first, but which gradually became husky and trem ulous, bespoke as follows: h- T;ENTLEMEN:-1 aro b - rought - hare on +be scaffold bo die, and you all expect me to say a few words r but one thing I want you to re -member; and that is that it is an ionticetit - m - au s Herr - tram aiburVikiog—one . whTi bad nothing to do with this crime, in word or deed. I have always tried to live up to the best knowledge I had of the right—al ways did so. How terrible it is to hang a man for this, although death has no terrors or me; it la a o sop ofhreat 'I know where I will go, and I know I will come back a_ain. lam firm, •oa see ,t:. though parting with my relatives 7irpl (••, basalmost_uunerved_ine___l...truly all persons, no matter who they are forgive Mr. Mann, the prosecuting I forgive the Governor for what h h e has and I hope it will be the last case like . • to be brought to a platform I did not >rr justice. I hope God will give me justice, and I forgive all. 'I have no.ill-will against any person. As Christ died for a principle, so do I die. Al firoul4FPD d du -- may . t — icri see itTit — will — tiot — trey long before you are aware of it I hope my memory and name will be proved innocent for thuseake of those I leave behind me. For - myselff oare nothing, iti,~s for The scoundrel was then hung. male Sensittvertes 'I don't wonder,'' ,says a lady correspon- dent of the California Mercury, 'that women are old maids, they are to wonderfully squea mish and particular that the very proximity of-an . in: : ; • :41. r -vervaus: One of these sort lately took r T on one _ ,assag of the river steamers - for Sacramento. I will teltyciu the story as it was - told — to — me. The young lady desired a state room for herself, but. unfortunately, they were all ta ken. She was so pertinacious in her desire - hcwever• that the gentlemanly clerk of —thi ' cone her use. On being onducted to it she star ted back in utter ho ror he trunks, coats,` bouts and el ceteras °Hire masculine occu pant so shocked the poor creature I `Oh. I never could sleep here unless those things are removed . - 'oh,_yes—take'em out,• — of course. The chap:MTh:laid proceeded to do so, but by acciient left a pair of pantaloons hanging behind the door. The lady was a gain summoned and had entered the state room without perceiving them, and t h e chambermaid shut the door. No sooner had she done so than she beard a scream, and turning about saw the lady emerging from the room in great agitation. 'Oh ! take them out—rake them out !' she exclaimed, cannot sleep in that place with those things hanging there 'The chambermaid, who was almost-burst ing with surpressed laughter, removed the last vestige of masculine apnarrel, when the delicate and sensitive young lady took pos session, 'turned in,' and no doubt slept with out even dreaming of 'those things.' Young ladies who are accustomed' to real oevispapers, are always observed to possess winning ways, most aimiable dispositions, ..hly make good wives, and always se good husbands. Invana 'Ain't it wicked to rob this chicken roost., Dick?' Dat's a great moral question, -Gum bo; and we ain't no time to arguefy it uowp hand down anoder pullet., 'Put out your tongue a little farther,' said a physician to a female patient; 'a little fur ther, ma'am, if you please—a little further still: 'Why, doctor, do you think there's no end to a woman's tongue?' cried the fair Dr. Holmes says that easy crying widows take new husbands soonest; tbore is nothing like wet weather for transplanting. I look with scorn upon the selfish great ness of this world, and with pity on the most gifted and prosperous in the struggle for of fice and power; but I look with reverence on the obscure man who suffers for right, who is true to a good but persecuted cause. A young man, by the name 31 .1 -;\ has been arrested in Albany for perpe.trt , --- a new 'dodge.' He fastened bristles (,0 tail of a rat, and then sold him"for a squirn , The purchaser was a gentleman from 1,1 m,: many. ••« • NUrSANCES.—Cross-eyed spinstera, miq chief-rnaking women, grumbling o a bacbe fors, dilapidated side-walks, squalling chil dren, frowzy wives, dirty postal currency, and a übseriber who neglects to pay for his Tommy, what does b-e n c-h shell?' Don't know, ma'atu."What! you little numskull, what are you sitting on?' • Tommy (looking sheepish) 'I don't Want to tell.' What is more lovely than to be kissed a beautiful younrP lady ? —Why to be kissed , by two, to be sure! .Sambo had been wh:pped for R tea ling his master's onions. One day he brought in a skunk in his arms, Raying: Mass'', here's de chap dat'steal do *one. Whew—swell him lima' When inalici.)aq tiarnes mathtl at - a tear n , Sataa e,tn atturd to tale a sne..ae. NUMBER 8 to •ive U
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers