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PENNSYJNANIA, , PRIDAY MORNING,. .ULI - -, 9 7',1806i , •- , .i ., . ;-• ... :, ~ ,
i. , ~..
'
... - . .
NEW SPRING
:, .
l_bAnlgirlir3Dssg
ORGE STOVER
RETURNED FROM PRILADEL
I MI WITH . A SUPPLY OF
By GOODS,
NOTIOAS, QEEE\SITHE
ROCERIES,
To which he invites the attention of
patrons and the public generally.
rch 30, 1866
RICAN LIFE INSURANCE AND
TRUST CD,
Corner Fourth and Walnut Streets, Philadelphia
Incorporated 1853. .Charter Perpetual Author
' . - A ze d Capital, ;1;500,000. Paid Up Capital, $250,000
r • Philadelphia, Feb. 4. 1864.
The Trustees have this day declared a Dividend
of FIFTY PER CENT, on all premiums received
upon Altrusf. Pawns during the year ending De
cember 31st, 1863, and in force at that date, the a
bove amount to be credited to said Policies, and
have also ordered the Dividend of 1800 on Policies
isAted during that year to be paid, as the annual
pn mimes on said Policies arc received.
OFFICERS.
President—Alexander Whilldin..
Secretary and Treasurer—John S. II ilson.
Actuary—John C Sims.
BOARD OF TRIJSTEES.—Alexander Whill-
din, J. Edger Thomson, Guorge Nugent, Hon. Jas.
'ollock. Albert C. Roberts. P. B. Mingle, Samuel
rk, William J. Howard, Hon. Joseph Allison,
;San nal T. 13oline, John Aikman, Charles F. Heaz
litt. sane Hazlehurst.
v, M. G. lisEn, Cliamhersburg Pa., is the general
' 2l 'Agent of the American Life Insurance and Trust
oc°infamy for Franklin Co.
Joe. llouaLits. Agent for Waynesboro' and vicin
ity.
1; C FEHENCES.—Jontr Filmes and WILLIAM
H . uticomaans.
Call 'and got a pamphlet.
JOs DOUGLAS, A
EAGLE HOTEL.
Central Square, Hagerstown, Md
TF.: above well.known and established Hotel
tins been re-epened anti entirely renovated, •by
the undersigned. and now otTers to the public every
comfort and attraction found in the best hotels.-
THE TA ULF; is bountifully supplied with every
&Henry the market will afford, THE SALOON
contains the liquors.and is constantly and
;skilfully attended. ?I'll E STA BLE is thoroughly
epairetl, and cnr , ful - Osilera always ready to ac
omit:iodate custom.rs.
JOHN FISHER, Prnpriotor.
. ,
Hagerstown, June 2- tr.
. ,
Mentzer's Horse & Cattle Powder.
j.:• M.- STONER. _having purchased of Mr.
iMortizer, the ,recip y z for- making the oboist
-lamed Horse and - Gattle'Powder.' fir Pennsylva
, 'ant nt : Maryland; 'Sakes this method , of -informing
i ,
. faiersolrovera,Ac.; :that he has on hand.and
ends 'keeping a good supply always on hand.—:
unity merchants and others keeping such articles
sale, woulddo well to,SUpply,:ilunriaelitis' with s
tity. I t will salt on conuaisaidn'-ar'frir cash
.. p. ,Orders will be lIIIIICIIrIIy ritienirit'Aco "
adIIIIQU'3I' ' . . ' ' . -."
• -
AND
xmcizamixt:Ll&.mi.
WARS AT
0, the lohg,•long nights; the weary nights!
That come and that come again ;
o,•the long, dark nights, the dretry nights;
That swell with their nameless pain.
can go through the day with its busy cares,
I can wear on my face a smile,
And the crushing' woe that is bearing me down,
I can master that little while.
But when the night with its flood of stars,
Comes bursting above the hill.
Then that worldless woe sweeps up the vale
. With the roar of the distant mill :
And it sinks deep in my heart and brain,
And lords with a tyrant's sway
My weary soul and my sleepless eyes,
Till the dawn of another day.
0, the long, long I•sghts, the dark, dark nights!
How long, how !Ong will it be
Ere the Angel of Death, with his merciful breath,
Shell say to my spirit, "Be free !"
How tong ere the 'grief that has broken my heart
And is wearing my life away—
How-long - cre - tho - night - o•Fmy - sunless life
• Shall merge'in the endless day ?
How long, how long ere my folded hands,
And the lids of my sightless eyes,
And my.pulseless heart shall go down to rest.
By the grave whcro my darling lies
How long, 0 God, ere my poor, pale lips '
§hall sing as the angels have sung,
In the countless years that have passed away ?
;40, Father, Illy will lie done
•••••
T 0• DAV.
Up. sluggard, lift thy drowsy head,
"fis time thy work were well btgun!
These seams of gold, those Veins of red,
Are heralds of the rising sun!
A-way, and take the rusting plow! -- -
'Upturn the the fertile fields of clay!
There is no time .for toil but now--
No promise lenn3 beyond To DAv.
Thou child of genius—gifted one--
Come forth, the quarry waits thy tread
The form 'thou scest in the stone
Must tire from out her ro•ky bed!
Trke up thy chisel, backward throw
The folds that on her bosom weigh,
And bid her lips with beauty glow !
This is thy work—begin TO DAY.
Miner s withitt the cells of Thought,
Come forth thy dream-secluded land !
Where 'faith is wafting to be caught .
And turtored by the cunning hand !
Gather the random shafts of light '
That fall unhrcded on thy way,
And pierce the foreheid of the night !
Arouse, begin thy work 'to- DAY.
35/11SSiOMIJMN.A.MTIr.
Nothing Lost by Kindness
Nearly half a century ago, when a coach
ran daily between Glasgow and Greenock,
by Paisley, on a forenoon, when a little past
l3ishopton, a lady in a coach noticed a boy
walking barefooted, seemingly tired an d
struggling, with tender feet. She desired
the coachman to take him up and give him
a seat and she would pay for it. When
they arrived at the inn in Greenock, she in
quired of the boy what was his•object iu
coming there.
lle said he wished to be a sailor, 'and
hoped some of the captains would engage
him.
She gave him half a crown, wished him
success, and charged him to behave well.
Twenty years after this the coach was re
turning to Glasgow in the afternoon, on the
same road. When neat Bishoptou, a sea
captain observed an old widow lady on the
road, walking very slowly, fatigued and wea
ry. He ordered the coachman to•put her in
the coach, as there was an empty seat and be
would pay for her.
Immediately after, when changing horses
at Bishopton, the passengers were sauntering
about, except the captain and the old lady
who remained in the coach. The lady thank
ed him for his kindly feeling towards her as
she was now unable to pay fur a seat. To
which the captain replied :
"I have always sympathy for weary pedes
trians, since I myselt was in that state 'when
a boy, twenty years ago, near this place,wben
a tender-hearted lad ordered the coachman
I to tike me up, and paid for my seat."
"Well do I retiember that incident," said
abe. "I am that lady, but my lot in life is
changed. I was then independent. Now I
em reduced to poverty by the doings of a
prodigal son."
"I ew happy am said the captain,
'•that I have been successful .in my enter
prises, and am returning home to live on my
fortune; and from tins day I shall bind my
self and heirs to supply you with twenty-five
pounds per annum till your death."
':rout TUBE, AND 10."--There is BO olri
tale, of which, though idle in itself, the u.e
my be pod. A-certain man Would never
.go to church, and . wben be beard the saint's
bell, would say, to big wife, "Go thou to
church, and pray for thee, and me." One
night he dreamed that both. .he end his, wife
werc.,dead; and that they knocked together.
of heaven's gate for' entrance. St. Peter
(by the legend) is the porter,' and suffered
the, wife to. enter in, but k ept, the husband.
o, answering bitty ." She,,ts gone in both . *
herself and thee ..As thy.wife went to nhttreh.
ler thee, so she must ao to heavonfli•'thee."'
To the Apprentieci.
Aspiting apprentice, a word or two in inui.
ear. It you desire success' in anY:inialer
pet.taining,to this life of tho Coining,: you
must.have a purpose—a determination, that,
God helping you; you. will achieve 'success.
You may be. poor, friendless, utiktioivo-•-
your clothing' scant, your stomach half filled
—your place may be at the foot of the lad
eer; no matter. Whatever your position May
be, do your duty in it, stoutly and persooo
- with your eye fixed far ahead and ups
ward.
Keeping the purpose before you that you
will rise, be obedient to your employer, at-.
tentive to your business, obliging to your
shopmates, and courteous to strangers
and seize , every opportunity to improve pill
heart, your mind and your workmanship
Do everything'well—no slighting, no hiding'
defects, aiming alwitys at perfection. Watch
those who are skillful, and strive to equal or
excel them. Secure the friendship of all by
deserving it. Allow no opportunity to ren
der a service to pass without improving it,
even if it cost you some labor and self deni
al. Be of use to others, even if in a small
way; for a time may come when they may be
of service to you. A selfish man may get a
head faster than you; but selfishness is con
temptible—and you 'need not envy his suc
cess; when you achieve your object 'nobly,
you will enjoy it, and be respected.
Always bear in mind that character is cap.
ital. To gain this you must be so scrupu•
y honest that_you will be s_
willing
put live coals in your pocket as a penny that
is not yours. Never run in debt; do with
out what you cannot at once pay for, even
though you should suffer. somewhat. No
matter what the amount of your earnings
may be, save a portion every week, and in
vest it in a saving -bank of good standing; it
will grow and will stand you in good stead
some day, Better temporary abstinence and
constant plenty afterward, than unearned
present comfort and future perpetual want.
Never lie openly or covertly, by word or
action. A liar may deceive his fellows—
God and himself never. Conicious of falsii- -
ty, a liar can have no self respect; without
self-respect, reputation cannot be achieved.
With a noble purpose as the end of all
your actions, and with action becoming your
purpose, your success is merely a question
of time—always provided you have some
brain and abundant common sense.— The .4.
merican Painter.
The Dove
The form and manners of this bird so Dear
ly resemble those of a pigeon, that a partic
ular account of her is unnecessary. They
are only different spnei . es of the same fami
ly, and exhibit the same general character,
although they differ in some particulars
The voice of the turtle is hoarse and plain
tive, and heard frequently in the woods. -It
is pleasing to the ear of the husbandman,
and to the lover of nature, because it announ
ces the arrival of spring, so dear to the tea
ants of the forest. The sacred writers occa
sionally refer to the dove. "Rise up, my
fair one, and come away; for 10, the winter is
past; the rain is over and gone; the flowers
appear on the earth; the time of the'singing
of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle
heard in our land." The turtle dove never
admits of a second mate, but lingers out her
life in sorrowful widowhood. To this re
markable circumstance, these words of David
are, thought by many to refer: "0 deliver
not the soul of thy turtle dove into the mul
titude of the wicked; forget not the congre
gation or thy poor forever." As the turtle
cleaves to her mate with unshaken fidelity,
so these interpreters say. Israel adhered to
their God.
The dove is a harmless and simple crea
ture, equally destitute of skill and courage
for combat, and smallest of the family. She
is the most proper emblem of the national
imbecility into which the people of Israel
had sunk, in consequence of the numerous
iniquities with which they had long provo
ked the God of their fathers.
Lincoln's Grave
A letter from Springfield, 311, in deseri.
bing the grave of the late President, says:—
. The vases and smooth stones of the tomb
are already written over in pencil with the
autographs of pilgrims who visited his shrine
witha view to renew their devotions to coun
try and liberty, and the remarks which each
ono adds are expressive of the most tender
affection and confidence; such as • , "I fought
three years under his command, and would.
fight three more for the same cause under
the same commander." "We all loved him."
"He was beloved by all his soldiers," and
many others of similar import.
Since the burial of Mr Linenln within
the precincts of "Oak Ridge," it has become
indend n "Met tvh.ther
to renew their vows of fidelity to a.tuntry, to
humanity and to God. Already the visi
tor's book, at the Curator's, contains the
names of over 24,00 Q devotees from all parts
of the world; while tbo sexton is confident
that the number does Dot represent a tithe
of those Who have been drawn thither out
of respect for the memory of the deceased.
TitEITMENT OF TAN A GED.-A little
thoughtful attention, how harpy it makes
the old! They have outlived most of the .
friends - of early . youth . . , How lonely
their hours! Often their partners 111 life
have long filled silent graves; often i
dren they have followed to the tomb. They
stand solitary, bending on their staff, waiting.
till the same call shall reach
too they must think of absent, lamented - 1a..:
ees; of the ; love whieb,,.eherished ;hem, and_
the teara . of svmpatl4. that' tell with: theird
w`
no all gone! Why. should,: nut _the 40nng
cling around and 'comfort :them,.. Cheering
their gloom ~i . w ith songs nod happy siiiile!"
" • •
- When n b6Orm.pirci.r 0 1
; 1 /.
boot,
Lc 1 ar . .101&- tli , lo
. ,1
Goof. Thing:
Un - der the alir;iire 'captieri* thO lE46oolis
.(Ind) Journal prints the fohoWing trancla
tion•from tho..:Unsere Zeit, a German radical
sheet, of that city. It was about tbelleit
:take off on the - absurdry ridienlous ltraddle
'seat from Fortress Mrinroe regarding Jeff.
Davis, that wefiave seen: •- ' • '
OFFICIAL *BITLLETrss !hulletins
regarding the health of the.' distinguished
prisoner.. Jefferson Davis, which were recent
transmitted to his Mousier Veto,
as per ordei: .
• „
' "FIRSTBULLETIN. •-•
"Foitiitiss MiTaiyu, May 23-9 A. III:
"His Excellency," Ei , Prosident• Jefferson
Dayilphas just-been pleased to awake and a
rlse fiom his couch. Although the distin r .
guished captive had an unbroken rest foi
twelve hours ,he yawned, twice within fife
minutest after dvitakening, which • - causes me
much uneasiness."
"SCOND BULLETIN -10 A. M.
"With much pleasure I have the honor to
send you the Cheering intelligence that-the
'diatingutshedf prisoner sneezed st five minutes
`twenty-three seconds of ten. The . important
occurrence justifies the heat hopes.",
"THIRD BULLETIN -10i A. .111
"I regret to infoim you, that my anticipa
tions were too hasty. When I observed the
prisoner at breakfast I noticed that he could
dispose of only one beef stake, one spring
chicken, one dish of asparagus, and ono plate
u u o
green peas.
"FOURTH UULLETIN-12
"Great excitement prevails in all parts of
the fort. Notwithstanding 'the close atten•
tion whiCh I constantly bestow upon the il
lustrious prisoner, I could not prevent his
injuritig himself in the upper joint of the
left index' finger, while fastening his breast
pin. The loss of blood was terrible. Ac
cording to my superficial calculation, be
Must have lost five and a half drops."
FIFTH BULLETIN-4
_"The illustlious prisoner, having his wound
dressed had a good rest fo - r three hours. I
do not think that it will superinduce death.
To prepare for the worst I would recommend
that tWelve assistant surgeons be sent down,"
"SIXTH BULLETIN-5 P.
"The distinguished prisoner's condition
causes me more and more anxiety. A half
an hour ago he desired to read the
genccr, which Contained your last speech and
that of your Secretary of the Treasury.—
That hie eyesight might not suffer I preps-,
red 'VI read the speeches to him. I had
scarcely finished when the illustrious prison
er (for the first time since long) spat out—
in my opinion, a very bad sign . I consider
it absolutely necessary the Surgeon General
investigate the spittle, for which reason I
'shall transmit it, hermetically scaled, per
next steamer:
t‘G EORGE E• COPPERFiEAD.
Surgeon U. S. A."
The Mute Detective
"No dogs admitted, sir," said the porter
to a gay assemblage, as a young man and
his dog appeared at the entrance. '•Yout
must leave him behind you if you go in."
"Very well," said the youno t' man; "stay
about here, Prince, till I comeback!"
And he joined the crowd within.
By-and-by, the young man wished to re
fer to his watch, when, behold! the chain
had been snapped in two, and the valuable
time-piece was gone. Ile considered the
case a moment, and then a sudden thought
flashed through his mind.
So stepping out, he whispered the fact to
the porter, a nd gained permission to take
the dog-in for a minute or two.
"Look here, Prince," said-be, ''yon know
ing dog, my watch is stolen," and he show
ed him the empty pocket and the cut chain.
"Do you understand, old fellow? In there,
sir, is the thief. You MI it, my good,dog
gic, and I'll got you • a famous treat. You
understand, do you?"
Prince wagged his head and tail, and gave
his master a wonderfully knowing and acute
look, and then the two stole quietly into the
place.
Quietly the dumb detective glided around
among the people, smelling away at this one's
coat and that one's chain until . at last he set
his teeth firmly into the coat skirt of a geo
teel looking man, and could not be shaken.
off.
The young man quietly Made known the
Ataso to the bystanders who gathered around
him, and had the thief's pockets duly search
ed. Six other watches wore found upon
him, which he had gathered up in the course
of the morning, and which their rightful
owners - - glad tr thr* hp ids '
Panel
ilk a twil
and gave it to him joyfully. It would have,
taken a very keen policeman to do the work
so neatly and quickly and all agreed that he
merited as,good a dinner as a dog could have.
A good beef bone and a bowl ot milk, how
ever, abindantly satisfied art his• wants, and •
he was just as ready to do the same favor o
ver again:
A geatioman writing from 'Lafayette, In
dims, to a friend in Boston; says:
,“1-called the other Any - upon tr bride' in
this vicinity, worth in her own right not less
than $BO,OOO, old, found her, in faller sweet
simplicity, barefooted' in the: mow, :looking
for ego's. 'That old , hen,' said - she, 'has
been clacking around-lore' for a week:
have got twenty-six - eggs, and. she will have
to,
,spread'licrself, I'botryoul
There lives a man in the suburbs of New
I r Orf city' who has grows so' bitter'.agiinst
abolitionism, and every' thing • • atilt savors of
eopny..that be - eren went so , far as se cut
:Walnut tree Which
lvaits}iad iii fof many .sears'. •
•.
....; • ~; i *Ritif Rbcorli;
TOB Aivenon OF iorg...
Hail Friendsh'ip's thrill; :and stifini
With light and 'cheerful tone,
Tho'kindlir we' love so well,
*bon speaking with its own;,
But *midi of lenilerest symiith?,
And smiles Of pertily
Cannot illume the brolonlbr.art,
Or bluish - sonow's night,
A deeper fountains's swelling title
For wretchedness and 'sin,
Still on*ard'fbws, to heal our woes,
And, make us pure within;
Here may the weary soul repose,
And bathe in seas oflove,
Till Christ, enraptur'd with the sight,
- Calls• the bright one above.
O Seldom ! can a 'wretch like me
•
Find pardon in thy grace ?
For why should 1, condeinted to die:
seek thine insulted face;
He comes! he comes ! the conqueror comes,
lie bids my sorrows fly,.
And by his spellers life on earth,
Instructs me how to die.
Spirit of 'a Burglar
The pranks of the spirits are very peculi
ar, and'some of them are really innori3pre
hensible: The most recent exhibito
s t at we 'aye met is one that was play.
ed upon a young man who was in his first
comfortable snooze when a clinkiitg noise in
the direction .o f the door awoke him— .
He listened attentively; the noise was stilt
going on; very like the raps of thit spirit on
the table, indeed! •
'Who's there?'
There was no answers and the noise stop
ped.
'Anybody there?'
No answer
'lt must have been a spirit,' he said to
himself. g I must be a medium. I'll try.—
[Aloud.[lf there is a spirit in the room, it
will signify the same by saying 'Ay'. no that's
not what I mean. If there is a spirit in the
room, it will please to rap three times?'
Three distinct raps were given in the di
rection of the bureau.
it the spirit of my sister!'
No answer.
'lt is the spirit of my mother?'
Three raps.
Are you happy?'
•
Nine raps.
'Do you want anything?,
A succession of very loud raps.
'Will you give me a communication if I
get up?'
No answer.
'Shall I hear from• you to-mar ow?'
Raps very loudly again; this time ,in the
direction of the door. Ile waited long for
an answer to his last question, but none came.
The spirit bad gone; and after thinking on
the extraordiny visit be turned over and fell
asleep.
On getting up in the morning lie found
that the spirit of his mother had carried oft
his watch and purse; his pants' down into
the hall, and his great coat altogether.
A Soup Story
At a very excellent hotel, not a hundred
miles 'from our parts, they were one day short
of a waiter, when a newly arrived Siberian
was hastily made to supply the place of a
more expect hand.
"Now, Barney," said mine host, "mind
you serve every man with soup the first thing
—serve soup first."
"13adad, I'll do that sam," said the alert.
Soup came out, and Barney, after helping
all but one guest, came up to the last one.
"Soup,'sir 7" said Barney.
"No soup for me," • said the man.
"But you must have it—it's the rules of
the house."
"D—m the rules of the house !" exelaitn:
ed the guest. "When don't want soup I
won't eat it."
"Well," said Barney, with all due solem
nity, "all I can say is just this, its the regu
lations of'the house, and divil the drop else
will ye get till ye's have finished the soup
The traveller gave in and the soup was
gobbled 1"
CROW EATING.-A worthy old farmer re
siding in the vicinity of Lake Nahopeck, was
worried to death fast summer by boarders
They found fault with his table and said ho
had nothing to eat.
"Darn•it," said old Isaac, ono day, "what
a fuss you're making. I can eat anything."
"Can you eat a crow ?'' said one of the
lers.
-cs r -I-ken-eat-a-crow I"
Jet you a hat," said the pleat.
The bet was made, the crow Caught and
niooly.roastod. but, efore serving np, they
contrived to season it with a good dose of
Scotch snu ff . Isaac sat down to . the c row.
Ile took a good. bite, and began to chew a
way.
ell'es, I. ken eat prow ! (another bite, and
an awful lima/ ken eat crow , ' but I'll be
darned if / hanker arter it 1"
The accredited 'correspondent of the 'New
York Nation,' who so graphically 'delineates
the "South as It Is," tells us in.a'recent let.
ter, that in Mississippi, theseventy, teachers
in the colored sehools are requested to re
port, every month to the Freedmo's Bureau,
specifying, among othei things, the number
of pupils ohnixed blood. In. the 12 schools,
which happened to.stand at the bead of the
list, there are returned 287 'children of mix
ed blood. '
The 4 , 4 tlmi old Southernlandsmen" must
-hags genera' fallen .from grace, o ,have
brought about sueh mixture. .
i„ Jest °OH : This is worse
abate which they bond tie mach.'”
v . :l= ;3
agaiClGlEMe.te-
An amusing incident •oedtittred
the polls' in the runiilliettiOtein' Pike :wish.
By the Xect,ltegietiation
,ry Min must sign his name to.
.mofig other candidates-a late rebel eaittithi - g! - 1
the confederate :.service presented
rind being unable to *rite, he made his mark' •
alierttipon the registry man tailed in a cow -
pie of niggers aWivitneases,, who , both' wrote .
their names in, a legible -band. "No you, •, ,
,don't," said the captain, "I've got scruples, •
Elgin taking that' bath; there is tee much nig;
. ,
ger about it." • . •-•-•• , • • • '
A. Dutobman's .temperance leetufet . , - "I
shall.tell you how it vas., I put mine hand .
oulnine head, and there was von pig,bain.—
Then I put urine op Mine pody" aria
there was anoder. There was Much brans
in all mine pody. Then I put mine handle
mine pocket, and there vas nothing: So
joined-bait de terherance.. Now there vas no
more bain in mine head. The bain in Mine
pody vas all gone away, I put wine hand, in
taloa - pocket, and there vas twenty.dollars.—
So I shtay wit the tetnerance.
An old fellow of the ultrd-inquisitive or-
der asked,alittle girl on board a 'train, who
was sitting by her mother, as to her name,
destination, eta. After 'learning that she
was' going to Philadelphia, he.askedr "What
aware is ; taking you thither, my dear?" "I
believe they call it, the loco=motive, Sir,"
was the innocent 'reply. The "intrusive
" •as ca-tingaishe,l. •
Let a man live as long. as he will, the first
thirty years of his life will always seem the
longest, and the daily routine of, after years
pass like the sounds of .a eloeir, while the
hands on the outside and the movements
within mark - the passage of time to others
till the weights have run down and 'the pen
dulum stands still.
=l=
A horticulfuralist advertised t he
would supply all sorts of fruit trees and
plait" - , especially pie-plants of all kinds. r•A
gentleman thereupon sent him an order for
one package of custard pie seed, and a dozen
mince•pie plants. The goo tlenian promptly
filled the order by,sending him four goose
or, and.a small dog.
.
To PRESERVE CITTER.-0-de of the ladj \--
readers of the "Maine Farmer" 'tells how to
preserve eider sweet and clear. To one bar=
rel of cider add one pound of mustard seed,
two pounds'of raisins, and one fourth of a
pound of cinnamon in: the stick. This frill
preserve the cider finevy.
,
A man, who was exceeding — corPtilin,
coming late qne evening to a fortified town,
asksd a cOuntryfean whom.he met; "if he
could get in at the gate?" "I should think" .
you might," replied the peasant, surveying
his proportions, "1 saw a load of hay go in
this morning."
The Leavenworth Bulletin ph ces at the,
head °tits editorial columns the fillowing
ticket: Fur President in 1868 Ulysses' 8:
Grant, For Vice-President—A man we'cius`
trust."
A suh.seriber writes to a Western editor
—"I don't want your paper any longer."—
To which the editor replies: "I would ooh
make it any longer if you did; its present
iength suits we very well."
One of the dupes of a New York adierti
t' -
sin ,, swindler,. who seat the requisite amount
of fractional currency for the purpose of
learning a "certein and quick mode of get
ting received the reply—"work like
the devil, and don't spend a cent!"
A man was once asked, when dying, if he
bad lived an upright and creditable
"Well, no—not exactly," said be, "but then.
I must say I've bad a good time."
Great is the might that slumbers in a peo
ple's arm, but far greater azi nobler that
which never sleeps nor slunMers , in their
heart.
A • young lady who is compelled 'to weiir
cotton what-do-you-call-!ems, roust be a, deti,
(led la.
When you are in danger from erierriti
enemies, look OUT. When die peril' is ft.it:Mk:
your own unbridled passions, look IN. t , •,
Why is the felling of a hell like the' pitly::
A
er of a hypocrite? Arm—Remus° it hi-
solemn sound by a thoughtless toogee.%
0 ----,--.4••••------.-- .
What is the difference between a Int* .
girl and a nightcap ? Ans.-1--One is boroP
to wed, and the other is worn
What kind of horn is easiest se
us.-- green
A courteous wag, in the excess of his
liteness, never swallowed an oystir without
Saying "Good -4, vtave." ' '
If a man flatten you, • calculate that lie ,
considers you a fool.
• -
The life-pre.ervers of the greatest we .0,0-the
the battle-field are simply
,a -pair; of long
bgs.
To kill your enemies— r Treat them oo tan. ,
whiskey.
What thing is-that . aT,ioh Ithe .more
cut it the low; it
,grows?. A ditple.., ,1,`;!
.
No matter how long - -you have. teen mi4:- . ;1;
riecl i . never neglect to , court our Rife,
• tie wbo is a 'tiiii:. in liii . ii*tijilnitilt i :
'generally' a shaitr . in • aoniotp.'::' ' l , '- .:?, -•
.•11' ' ..;r
. 44 tive,,
If you ace a - iiniett, dan't pii ' -,- chaii4 , ..
to diatnitrAlrtit'itzai 4 6f thifiTiPiigt*
~- .1. :, i. , -•!:.Tu., , ,i. , ,1 1 - :11 ii::•ii , ',,,, , ,,,,::.., '.---
Don't titre fnp.m'llot!mt• - • 4 ;aiiirit ,7- 4 . ''.
-
of yOtir ne4a6iihr -I : iilc= reoleot4ilf, , - ' , l ,'"i * --,. -:
: - -- :•" , -- r `M::'',- , :. 1 1 0 ,. ,'.i;
....:.:<,--:::::,_:12-7,1:.•.,,',.
; •
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MBER