rides 2000 The Dallas Post January 26, 2000 ® J By LEE LITTLEWOOD Copley News Service Wedded bliss? In reality, it's more like this: While most mar- ried people will say tving the knot is satisfying. it's not blissful all the time. Married life takes work. Being successlully. happily mar- ried requires a combination of luck. love. understanding, respect and lots of give and take. Going plural. becoming a “we.” does indeed require adjustment. Alter the glee of wedding and hon- cymoon, what can you expect from marriage? “No matter how close you think vou are when you're friends, lov- ers or engaged. there's something about becoming a family that transforms the relationship en- tirely.” says Bonnie Maslin, Ph.D... a New York psvehotherapist and author of "The Angry Marriage: Relinquishing the Rage. Reclaim- ing the Love” (Hyperion). "Making anclfort to understand this power of transformation can prepare you for the inevitable bumps in the road ahead.” Here are some changes vou'll go through following the wedding. Youll get domestic. Even if vou've been living together, do- mesticity is much more serious when vou're hitched: after all, now vou share a home with a welcome mat that reads. “The Robbins” or "The Radinsky- Joneses.” You'll have to learn to agree and compromise on furni- ture styles and whether or not to throw out old particle-board shelves and hand-me-down La- Z-Boys. Consider your partner's tastes before wallpapering vour bedroom in pink floral or covering every shelf with golf trophies. You buy a home. With condo or homeownership comes major re- sponsibility. Though it's cool to wander vour abode saying: "We own that window!” it's also seri- ous when vou've got to handle a mortgage and vard work. How do many newly marrieds handle house chores without becoming overwhelmed? By budgeting time cach month for repairs. installing jacks. raking leaves and mowing the lawn. Relationships with friends will change. Though no one really wants them to, some friendships wither during marriage. while oth- ers grow. The biggest difference is that when vou're married. you'll want to hang out more with other hitched pals. Most married couples love to check out how other married friends act. to see if theyre experiencing the same ups and downs. But it's also not smart to treat unmarried friends differently - theyre still valuable people in vour lives. You can stay close to all vour friends by scheduling the occasional girls’ or boys’ night out. “Going solo has an extra ben- happi efit.” says Susan Heitler, Ph.D., a Den- ver clinical psycholo- gist and author of "The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage” (New Harbinger). "It can fuel a marriage by preserving cach partner's indepen- dence.” Plus. isn't it more fun to pass the tissues among girl- friends at the latest chick flick than lis- tening to your hus- band snore through the opening credits? Some spouses for- get how to do laun- dry. Though many men, and women, are perfectly capable of cleaning up and cooking for them- selves when they're single, many forget how once married. Chore paralysis often seems to break down along traditional gen- der roles. Mixing up responsibilities can help maintain the peace. If vour hus- band is more me- chanical, have him fix the television or fuses while vou take over laundry. change. Now's the time to sit down and talk about how both of you want to handle your money. Unfor- tunately, there's no one-size-fits-all solu- tion. The goal. says Heitler. is to balance independence and coordination. You could write all the checks while your husband does the bookkeeping on in- vestments or you could have separate checking accounts. What's important is to stick to whatever arrangement you de- cide on. In-law relations can be sticky. No matter how intrusive your mother-in-law may be (most father- in-laws aren't partici- pating in the struggle for your spouse's soul); it's important to remember she's not your mother. Treat her with at least the same amount of respect and pleasant- ness you'd treat a co- worker. Try to main- tain a sense of hu- mor: this helps any situation remain Sex and intimacy get better. Right, you say. What's better about it? For one. you don't feel like you've got to impress as much and vou can simply snooze il vou feel like it. As Heitler says. “Although you lost the newness of discovery. you gain this really deep. incredible intimacy that you never had before.” Your financial mechanics will brighter. Gloria Call Horsley's "The In- Law Survival Guide” (John Wiley & Sons). is a witty, practical guide to preventing and solving in-law ly ever after you say 'I do' problems. Deciding if and when to have children. It's hard to stay happy in a marriage if you don't both agree on this one. One thing is certain, though. There's no right or wrong way to feel about pos- sible parenthood. It's normal to feel anxious, excited, ambivalent or even scared when contemplat- ing having children. While parenthood is an enrich- ing experience. there are many reasons. however, not to have children. such as because you're bored or lonely. because you want to save your marriage or please your family, because you plan on creating a genius or live out your fantasies through your children, and because you hate your job and are looking for something else to do. “What to Do After You Say ‘I Do,™ by Marcus Jacob Goldman and Lori J. Goldman (Prima Pub- lishing). reminds readers that “if your marriage is on firm ground, you'll have plenty of time to work through the issues of child-rear- ing.” Their wonderful book would make a thoughtful wedding shower gift. The Goldmans' re- source can help newly married couples ease into their lifelong commitment. Perhaps it's most vital advice may be that even if he, or she, frustrates you immensely with some minor pet peeve, Kiss- ing and making up. or listening and understanding. can bring you both closer together. Resolving differences takes time and pa- tience. lenox Waterford Lladro Orrefors Bellecek Baccarat 300 Spruce Street, Scranton Phone: 342-8241 ¢ 1-800-637-8495 Hours: Daily 10 AM - 5:30 PM Thurs. 10AM - 7:30 PM helen schwartz... gifts January 26, 2000 The Dallas Post Brides 2000 Registering By PRISCILLA LISTER Copley News Service Wedding gifts are surely one of the great perks of getting mar- ried. They literally are the icing on the cake. because even though someone accepted your invitation to join in the celebration. they are not absolutely obligated to send a gift. “In general. everyone who re- ceives an invitation to a wedding reception or to a small wedding in a hotel or home sends a gift,” says Elizabeth L. Post in "Emily Post's Complete Book of Wedding Eti- quette. Revised Edition” (Harper Collins). "An invitation toa church ceremony alone carries no such obligation. Neither does a wed- ding announcement. People receiving an invitation who barely know the bride. or perhaps have not seen her in years, should feel no compunction in refusing it, nor need they send a present.” Still, wedding presents are to be expected. and the bridal couple can help their guests choose wel- come gifts by registering at a wide variety of stores today. HELP YOUR GUESTS Registering for gifts has be- come a wedding tradition. "Registering is also a courtesy to guests - you spare them the time and effort of hunting for the perfect idea for you, as well as the possible disappointment of buy- ing you something you don't want or can't use.” say the editors of Bride's magazine in "Bride's Book of Etiquette” (Conde Nast Publi- cations). But wherever you register. do not announce any avarice (re- member: gifts are gifts. not obli- gations) by listing the store or stores on your wedding invita- tion. "A shower hostess can note the store name on invitations, but you would never print it on wed- ding invitations.” says the Bride's book. "Your mother, his mother and your attendants might also spread the word.” "Any mention of gifts, regis- Planning a Li ue $i 3 A Factory of Food & Fun! Unique Dining in an Interesting. Casual, Atmosphere serving Lunch, Dinner. & Late Nite Snacks Mon.-Sun. 1:30.10 1:00 a.) 675-7007 for gifts helps guest avoi Listing your home needs in a gift registry helps gift-givers avoid duplicates. tries, etc.. is improper with an invitation.” says Patty Sachs, wedding etiquette adviser on the Ultimate Internet Wedding Guide Web site. "An invitation does not command the giving of a gift ... so when someone says. ‘No gifts please, ‘We're, registered at... ‘Money preferred.’ it is presuming that the guest is going to give one.” If the couple marrying is older and really doesn't want or need gilts. Post advises that "it is not in good taste to write, ‘No gifts please’ on wedding invitations.” But the couple may ask family and close friends to spread the word. Or, if the bride and groom “are deeply interested in a cause or charity, she could write on the invitation, ‘Inlieu of gifts, we would greatly appreciate a contribution to the Leukemia Society.™ Of course, if someone asks you if you're registered and where, tell them. But also remember that many people prefer choosing gifts themselves, and any such effort should be genuinely appreciated. REGISTRIES TODAY Bridal registries today are no longer limited to major depart- ment stores. "Couples canregisterinall sorts of stores - camping goods, book- stores, wine shops, art galleries and museums. hardware empo- riums, gourmet supply stores - wherever their lifestyle or inter- ests lead them,” says the Bride's book. “Since we thought you could only register at department stores and we had everything we needed to set up a household together. we didn’t register.” says Leah Ingram in "The Bridal Registry Book" (Contemporary Books). "It wasn't until months after we got married that we found out my husband could have registered at Home Depot and the music fan in both of us could have registered for our favorite CDs at Tower Records.” Registration can really aid out- of-town guests who may be able to phone the store where you've registered. choose one of your specified wishes, and have it de- livered to you. instead of carrying it themselves to the wedding. - “Look into registering at a store that has a toll-free service so guests can do their shopping by phone.” suggests (beginital) WeddingBells (endital) magazine. Many stores today have branches nationwide or even on-line regis- tries and on-line purchasing. Ingram’s book also details doz- ens of bridal registry operations in specific department stores, specialty stores. home improve- ment stores, hardware stores and even unconventional stores. REGISTRY DETAILS It's perfectly fine to register at more than one store. “By registering at more than one store, you're giving your guests additional options in buy- ing you gifts,” says Ingram. And keep in mind a wide price range ol possible gifts. It is ex- tremely rude to register only for very expensive items, such as china settings that cost $250 apiece or a silver pattern in which a fork costs over $100. "By all means, register for a few expensive things if you think someone might actually buy them for you. But be sure you vary your registry list so your graduate stu- dent friends and retired aunts > dhower. Hhink oF the Nedona Roan: B.M.B.C. CATERING Catering to Your Every Need On or Off the Premises i] 1% featuring the Natona Room or for informal functions try our interesting Party Room overlooking Stax & Co. and uncles alike will be able to find something they'd like to give you and can afford to buy.” says Ingram. DON'T FORGETTHANK-YOUS "For every present received, whether the bride has thanked the donor in person or not. she must write a thank-you note.” says Post. To be sure you thank every gift-giver. make your own regis- tration list of all gifts received. You can even buy wedding gift record books that include stick- ers to assign numbers to cach gift received, then listing the gift num- ber with a description. giver, d the guessing game giver's address. when the gift was received, where it was purchased and when your thank-vou note was mailed. “In ordinary circumstances, all thank-you notes should be sent within three months of the date of the wedding.” advises Post. These thank-you notes should be handwritten and “as warm and personal as possible.” advises the (beginital) Bride's (endital) book. "Describe the gift itsell and how vou plan to use it. If it’s one of those inevitable ‘mystery gilts.” refer to it by color or material. It's much better to say thanks for a specific ‘blue glass piece’ than for a vague ‘lovely gift.™ WEDDINGFACTS Setting the date objective. was “popped” are good choices. or schoolteachers, etc. Remember: Numerous factors determine when the big day will be. Making both bride and groom happy is the main B Consider getting married on the same day as your parents, grandparents or other couple significant to both of you. The anniversary of a first date, a famous date in history or the date the question H Plan the date according to your bugget i If you are saving to pay for the wedding, fi the cost of the wedding and divide it by the amount of money you can save monthly. HM Consider your profession: April would be a bad month for an accountant to get married. © Summer would be a good time for professors BM Most vendors will give discounts for non- Saturday weddings and for those occurring off-season. B Holiday weekends are good if you will have many out-of-town guests. B Professionals recommend at least a year to plan a wedding. SOURCE: http://paweddings.com/WENDY gure illside Farms Hillside Rd. Shavertown So Providing Everything: from Bridal Bouquets to ReceptionCenterpieges. | Call 696-1j117 For Your Appointment Copley News Service/Dan Clifford reen “ 3 3 "A Back MEERA io
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers