0 U ¢O LE The Dallas Post Dallas, PA Wednesday, June 12, 1996 5 ne Mainstream | John William Johnson [8 He scratches his salt and pep- per beard furiously before speak- ing. But there's no doubt in Splinter's mind: “We should go in there (Columbia, Peru. Southeast Asia) and, first. Agent Orange the place, and then, second. salt the earth.” Dusty walks slowly (rom the office. “I think we ought to buy all the stuff,” she offers. “Look al how much money we'd save. I mean we're spending millions of dollars in fighting this problem. Why don’t we just buy all the stuff each country produces, destroy it, and that solves the problem, and we would spend only half the money we're spending now.” A Craftsman kibitzer clears his throat: “Shoot em.” he said. be- fore picking up yet another piece of scrap wood to examine. Da Vinci is listening to the de- bate. He looks up [rom sanding, while pulling off protective goggles. “1 have an idea.. .why don't we legalize it and sell il atl state stores...you know. just like liquor. Only you would be required to take a drug awareness course and ‘As I was Jack Hilsher ‘How many can remember their first family car? And those Sun- day afternoons in the 30s when it took you on sight-seeing trips? Boring, right? Except for those Burma-Shave signs along the highway. Kept you awake, didn’t they? They kept a lot of travelers awake, having the very first cap- tive audience in all advertising. Tooling along at 35 mph after the first of six signs grabbed your attention, the next one popped into view in three more seconds. Then four more, six in all, each three seconds apart. So that's 18 seconds you were gripped by their humorous message, far longer than anyone ever spent on a maga- zine or newspaper ad. Part of their charm was a com- modity called humor, something it took other advertisers over a generation to learn how to use. For instance: HE PLAYED / ASAX / HAD NO B.O. 7, BUT HIS WHISKERS SCRATCHED / SO SHE LET HIM GO / BURMA SHAVE Every sign series got the same atiention. Alexander Woollcott said it was as difficult to read just one Burma-Shave sign as it was Dr. Kaminski moves office to Fern Brook Dr. Peter Kaminski announces the relocation of the Back Moun- tain Foot Center to 46 Main Road. Fernbrook, next door to The Dal- las Post. The phone number re- mains.lhe same: 675-5006. New patients are welcome. Dr. Kaminski is board certified bythe American Board of Podiatric Surgery. Card of Chanks. ~ Your sincere expression ol sympathy is thank fully acknowledged ~and truly appreciated. In memory of Doris Spencer who passcd away. Thanks again & God Bless {~Sharon Wallace & Family. TS ONE YEAR po “ANNIVERSARY: 3 Wedding & smn Occasion Jewelry and Gifts Bridal “I rinkets bs 675-3105 "Rt. 415 Memorial Hwy, 2 Dallas, PA 18612 Legalizing drugs might be better than present controls be issued a license in order to buy al such a store, like a hunting license. The profits made [rom such stores—plus the money you would save by not spending it on fighting drugs—would then be used to fund drug rehabilitation.” The alternatives were argued back and forth for nearly an hour until Da Vinci chased us out with the fumes from the finishing first coal on a new mahogany table. Drugs are easily and cheaply available. The so-called war on drugs is not a response; it is a reaction. And as reprehensible and imperfect as it might be. one response might be to legalize mari- juana, cocaine and other currently banned drugs...tightly controlled, taxed and distributed, but legal- ized. Our society has—with its vora- cious consumption of drugs— made the enforcement of drug laws impossible by making the drug trade obscenely profitable. When a person [resh outof high school can make a thousand dol- lars a week as a drug dealer or courier, how can law enforcement personnel stop such a process? When leaders of drug rings can (and do) make billions each and every year, how can any drug enforcement agency—short ofour military taking over the country of production—stop it? The criminality of drugs is, in fact, the chief cause of terror and crime in our society today, with enforcement agengies having a vested interest in retaining crimi- nality. More than 70 percent of all persons in jail today are there for drug related crimes. Agreed...who doesn’t shudder at the thought of legalizing drugs? Of adding hard drugs to the al- ready existent hard drug, alco- hol? Bult the problem is already here. The wolf is already at the door. As long as drug profits are so high, and as long as we want to continue living in a country where the freedom of movement is rela- tively unconstrained, then we will continue to have a drug problem. Did Prohibition work...?? Hello??? Yes...education about drug use (including that insidious drug, alcohol, and its dangerous cousin, tobacco), and the potential dan- gers should continue, and be stepped up for our children. As Da Vinci said later that day. “It is becoming increasingly clear that as the death toll, terror, fi- nancial and human cost created by the criminality of drugs contin- ues to spiral upward, legalizing them just might be an alternative to a problem which has no perfect solution.” Those Burma Shave signs: homespun humor at its best to eat one salted peanut. Once the motoring public caught on that the signs were built around a sort of jingle-like cadence, and were usually memorably funny, they were addicted like no other ads ever managed. Burma-Shave ointment itself was a lucky development, because a family named Odell in Minne- apolis went through almost 300 forumulas with so-so results and even fewer sales. By accident their 143rd formula sat around months, aging in a jar, and some- one finally tried it, getting a better shave. Aging had done the trick. But the stuff still had to be sold. An Odell son, Allen, saw small serial signs advertising things like GAS /OIL/RESTROOMS and came up with the jingle idea. His dad got professional advice who said it would never work, but he gave Allen $200 just to shut him up. He and his brother Carl bought second-hand boards, sawed them into 3-foot lengths and went to work with stencil and brush. The first sign read: SHAVE THE MODERN WAY/FINE FOR THE SKIN/DRUGGISTS HAVE IT/ BURMA-SHAVE. They started to get repeat orders pouring in from druggists serving people who trav- eled the two highways they had posted. The Odells immediately incorporated and sold 49% of their stock in three weeks. Time for a few samples, from one of the country’s greatest suc- cess stories: SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH BY MISTAKE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS HER HUSBAND JAKE BURMA-SHAVE (LX J I KNOW HE'S A WOLF SAID RIDING HOOD BUT GRANDMA DEAR, HE SMELLS SO GOOD BURMA-SHAVE o00 SAID FARMER BROWN WHO'S BALD ON TOP WISH I COULD ROTATE THE CROP BURMA-SHAVE e000 HIS FACE WAS SMOOTH AND COOL AS ICE AND OH LOUISE! HE SMELLED SO NICE BURMA-SHAVE (XX THIS CREAM MAKES THE GARDNER'S DAUGHTER PLANT HER TU-LIPS WHERE SHE OUGHTER BURMA-SHAVE (1 1] HE ASKED HIS KITTEN TO PET AND PURR SHE EYED HIS PUSS AND SCREAMED “WHAT FUR!" BURMA-SHAVE Free medical clinic in Shavertown The Back Mountain Free Medical Clinic at St. Therese's Church, lower level, corner of Pioneer and Davis St., Shavertown, welcomes all who are need of medical care by competent doctors, nurses and staff. If uninsured or underinsured, we care to help. Come Fridays, time: 6:30 p.m. Confidentiality assured. FREE CARPET SHAMPOO ELECTROLUX | want to show you the Electrolux System. Call and I'll Shampoo any single room carpet in your home for free. Additional rooms are only $19.95 each, but there's absolutely no obligation. Liza Lettie 696-1959 By NANCY KOZEMCHAK The Back Mountain Memorial Library is having a special sale of paperback books, recent additions donated by friends. These books will sell for three for $1.00. These books are on a special shelf in the lobby of the library. In conjunction with the 50th library auction, we are selling gold bells for $2.00 each. These are paper bells that you write your name on and then we hang them in the lobby of the library. Also, antique chances are selling for $1.00 each; the items to be chanced off are in the main en- trance of the library. The special 50th auction raffle tickets are sell- ing for $1.00 each. Ist prize. Orlando trip; 2nd prize, Hardrock TV and 4th prize, The drawing for these items will Send The Post to a friend It makes a great gift Call 675-5211 for details Chances and paperbacks are on sale at the library: mountain bike: 3rd prize, cable car detailing. take place during the auction on Sunday, July 14. The antiques and new goods for this 50th auction promise to be extra special. Both of the com- mittees have been working extra hard to make this the best auc- tion ever. July 11 through 14, Thursday through Sunday. New books at the library: “The Broken Promise Land” by Marcia Muller takes us into the dark side of the music business, where the dashed hopes of both stars and wannabes become lost. Ricky is the hottest country singer in the business. He's on top profession- ally, but hitting rock bottom in his personal life. He has also been gelling anonymous letters threat - ening not only himself, but also his children. A tough case with family at risk. “Spooker”by Dean Ingisa chil. ing tale of murder and madness in his newest novel. Every deep- cover intelligence agent has-a spooker. It's his escape hatch--a hidden kit that contains false iden- tification, keys to a hidden car or boat or plane, weapons, and money—Ilots of money. « If you need to disappear fast, you need a spooker. Targets are agents and their spookers. 2a? “In the Dead of Summer” by Gillian Roberts tells of mellow old Philadelphia, where life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness have flourished for centuries and now has a new claim to fame. The City of Brotherly Love has been pro- claimed number one in the nation for hostility. A summer school teacher feels she fits right in with the hostility mode. A gripping story. Lake Twp. tax face value period ends June 14 Lake Township tax collector Ruth Orloski advises taxpayers that the face value period for county, municipality and per capita taxes issued in February end on June 14. 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Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers