xX Won TES Say: The Dallas Post Dallas, PA. Wednesday, April 1, 1992 5 f= { Recent POLLS INDICATE 90% OF AMERICANS FEEL E\THER CANDIDATE WOULD BE A SUWTABAE ETON) don HALT . “a | IN f=» JW. ] \ Earth Day, read tape and red lights By, J.W. JOHNSON : As the euphoria of Earth Day is shunted away in our video tape mentality each spring—we can recall that we were concerned with it; just roll the tape—what is needed iscontinuing grass roots involve- @ in the real world fact that we ‘cannot continue to mortgage our environmental future. " And we have been doing so throughout history. Some back- ground... Scholars will tell us that civili- zation began with grain growers in ‘Mesopotamia, ending up today as what is now desert in the country of Iraq. How did it become desert? Our forebears developed irriga- tion systems which could not be sustained in that part of the world. Tke parallels today are continued ® forest destruction, and acid ‘ain, both caused by our economic activities. 4 Our basis for these economic &@¥cisions begins with our assign- ‘ment ofa higher value to a dollar of income we receive today than to a dollar promised for delivery a year {from now. We have a tendency to ‘discount’ the future dollar to a lower present value. In the same way we discount future costs. The further into the future a cost if delayed, the lower its'current value. We as a nation must convince our governments and our economic engines to stop discounting the future. We have only one planet, and we're only renters. Pet Peeves I don't know about you but the following really aggravates me: —The people who go into (gen- erally) an eating establishment, pick up a newspaper, read it, and then put it back on the pile without paying for it. —The folks (no doubt living in lower Slobovia for the last 20 years) who continue to be unaware that a right turn on red is permitted. —The morons who drive 25 miles per hour in a 45 miles per hour zone until, you guessed it, there is a passing zone. It's at this point that the world famous idiot driver's leg spasm miraculously strikes the driver, causing him or her to accel- erate to or beyond the speed limit until, you guessed it again, the passing zone is gone and you are stuck. This only happens, of course, on the way to the seventh and deciding game of the World Series, the birth of your first child, or the public lynching of those folks who won't turn right on red. And I'm sure none of us would want to miss that. —And finally, the folks who, after failing to turn right on red and after going 25 miles per hour in a 45 miles per hour zone get to town, then proceed to the drive-in win- dow (at any bank) whereupon a year's worth of banking business is conducted. There are times when I'm almost persuaded to join the NRA...almost. Readers are encouraged to anonymously send in Pet Peeves for publication in future columns. Construction Definitions A good friend of mine recently passed along the following definitions...and you know whoyou are: —~Contractor: A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. —Bid opening: A poker game in which the losing hand wins. —Bid: wild guess carried out to two decimal places. —Low bidder: A contractor who is wondering what he left out. —Engineer's estimate: The cost of construction in heaven. —Project manager: The conduc- tor of an orchestra in which every musician is from a different union. —Critical path method: A man- agement technique for losing your shirt under perfect control. —OSHA: A protective coating made by half baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and baloney, usually applied at ran- dom with a shotgun. —Strike: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken. : —Delayed payment: A tourni- quet applied at the pockets. —Completion date: A point at which liquidated damages begin. — Auditor: people who go in af- ter the war is lost and bayonet the wounded. ANY HOME EQUITY LINE OF CREDIT MAY SAVE YOU MONEY HERE.": 10a HOUSING (CELI ¥ EO ¢ 3 . i ’ «€ x 8 IN NB ' . NARROWS SHOPPING CENTER 283-0531 * Consult your ax advisor or specific information on inerest and deducfibilty. For a limited time only... 1 No closing costs on ines of credit fo SPECIAL LIMITED TIME OFFER ENDS APRIL 15, 1992 TRY US! EOPLES NATIONAL BANK West Sipe MALL 287-1235 25,000 Member FDIC Wrecked warship found in Harveys Lake By ERIC FOSTER Post Staff The wreckage of an ancient warship has been discovered in the murky depths of Harveys Lake. Norwegian explorer Bjorn Fjord discovered the wrecked ship Tues- day, March 31. To prevent suspi- cion from being aroused, Fjord has disguised the top of his submarine to look like a fishing boat. “There must be something spe- cial about the muck in Harveys Lake to have kept the ship so well preserved,” said Fjord. “The 13 bodies of crewmen we've found all seem to have died violently, but without any wounds. At this point, we're theorizing that the poor blokes drank the water." Fjord, a mystic, had fasted for seven years in the remote moun- Water Forum The Back Mountain Citizens Council, the League of Women Voters, and Penn State Wilkes- Barre are sponsoring the final session of a two-part seminar on groundwater on Friday, April 3, at 7 p.m. on the Penn State Wilkes- Barre Campus in Lehman. The first part of the series was held on March 24. The topic, "Groundwater Resources," covered 1991 DISTRIBUTOR INTHE WORLD HWY. 315 WILKES-BARRE (By The Race Track) taintops of his homeland until he recently had a vision of Harveys Lake. “I searched for pictures on post- cards for months before I found the right lake, Harveys Lake," said Fjord. “Along with the vision, there was a voice, so booming, so power- ful, I thought my eardrums would explode,” said Fiord. “The voice said ‘take SCUBA lessons!’ “ Fjord believes the 40-foot long wooden ship is Bristish, senton a secrel mission to recruit Native Americans to help repel the Span- ish Armada. “We have found certain docu- ments promising the Native Ameri- cans parts of Spain if they would help Drake repel the invaders,” said noted British archaeologist Sr. Truckle Stodgelichen, who is will continue April 3 at PSU] water tables, aquifers, and the effects of land use on groundwa- ter. Part two, a panel discussion, will focus on land use affecting groundwater, and proposals [or regulation and enforcement. Pan- elists include: Representatives George Hasay, Jr. and Phyllis Mundy; Larry Taylor, Susquehanna River Basin Com- mission; David Kaufman, PA Gas IE POOL | 3d 23 DRC) DIZ S10 )\ [RST \ 9) D3. ON ALL FOXXX INGROUNDS, ABOVEGROUNDS & SPAS ATT ia TI Jo 223 (NA 60 LAP {49 oI TCH 0) j 1 prone 824-7005 oa | assisting Fjord. ir Stodgelichen believes that the ship sailed across the Atlantic and up rivers until it found its way to Harveys Lake. a Fjord believes there is a telepor- tation device on the bids e lake, linking it with Loch Ness, and the Bermuda Triangle. UL PennDOT engineers are search- ing for the devices to see if they can be used to alleviate traffic conges- tion on Route 309. “i vi- Fjord sald he's had more sions, sent to him by people from the planet Neptune, telling him to goto Bermuda posthaste. And once again the visions have been ac- companied by practical advice, “The voice said, ‘Bring hard salami!’ It's a delicacy to them,” explained Fjord. ; —April Foo | & Water Co.; James Ward, geolo: gist and chairman of the Back Mountain Water Commission and Louise Wasserotl, president of the League of Women Volers. Modera- tor will be Ray Boyle, vice-presi dent of the Back Mountain Citi zens Council. The event will be held in the Center for Technology and the community is urged tc attend. Admission is [ree. 100% FINANCING 10.5; Stop "They Grow So Fast | Children & Maternity 1 Consignment Shop Opening April 1st... Accepting: Spring/Summer : Clothing & Accessories Hand-made crafts too! Make money on outgrown clothes. i They Grow So Fast | Dallas Shopping Cetner Memorial Highway Dallas, PA 18612 (717) 675-5911 by. .. “Com & FURNITURE GALLERIES HOME THEATER & ENTERTAINMENT CENTER The best furniture you can buy is your best buy! 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Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers