I v
OUK BUDGET
OF HUMOR.
II MM
The Truth of It.
Though grudgingly with many frowns,
I He pays the bills for her new gowns.
Mo husband over scorns to see
His wife attit-ed becomingly.
And when he notes with happy face
, How well she looks in silk and lace,
And proudly takes her walking through
: The tnrongs upon the avenue,
! He feels a thrill of just content,
I Nor cares a bang how much he's spent,
a- . —Life.
The Inevitable.
! "Still, she is undeniably older."
"Yes; time has dealt with her kindly
but firmly."—Puck.
A Clear Conrte.
"She says he is a man after her own
heart."
"Then I suppose he will get It."—
Judge.
Fully Credited That.
He—"The trouble with you is you
don't believe a word I say."
She—"No such a tiling. I believe
thoroughly what you just said."—Bos
ton Transcript.
or No Avail.
"They say she is determined to marry
a certain struggling young attorney."
"Well, if she has made up her mind
to marry bim I guess there is no fur
ther use for him to struggle."—Puck.
A Real Need.
Out-of-a-Joh—"Don't you want to se
cure the services of a reliable advance
man?"
Tyro Lecturer—"lndeed I do. One
who can advance money to mo when I
am stranded."—Baltimore American.
Qnoer Thins About Girls.
"Human nature's a queer thing, es
pecially female human nature."
"What are you thinking about now?"
"For instance, if a young man tells a
girl, any girl, that she's altogether dif
{ ferent from her sisters Bile always
takes it as a compliment."—Philadel
phia Press.
Kellcb
Wild Bear—"l ate three like you for
breakfast this morning."
Educated Bear "Well. I'm glad
you've had your breakfast." New
York Sun.
Another Itoform lletnnnded.
"Did you hear about that member of
the Legislature who wants to pass a
law requiring a physician's certificate
before people can kiss?" said Maud.
"Yes," answered Mamie, "and I think
It's time they made a man produce
proof that lie is sane before they let
him Into the Legislature."—Washing
toil Star.
Congratulations.
"I made an embarrassing mistake
jnst now," remarked Van Major. "Con
gratulated Miss Churchmouse on her
engagement, Instead of giving her my
best wishes."
"Oh, that's all right," said Von Mi
ner, reassuringly, "SIIC'B the one who
Is marrying the money."—Cincinnati
Commercial Tribune.
Worried*
1 "I am very much afraid," said Mrs.
Curorox, "that our daughter isn't rank
ing the progress In musical culture that
she ought to, considering the cost of
lessons."
"\Vhy not?" inquired her husband.
"Sjie prefers a piece that cost only
fifty cents to one that I paid a dollar
for."—Washington Star.
Expectation Fulfilled.
' Dickson "Remember that brllllnnt
young fellow Tompkins, who was In
our class at college? Wonder what be
came of him. I always thought the
world would hear from Tompkins."
Richardson—"lt did. He became an
auctioneer, afterward traveled as a
barker for a sideshow, and is now beat
ing the bars drum for the Salvation
Army:"—Baltimore American.
Answered by Telephone*
Parker—"What's wrong? You seem
•worried."
Streeter—"l am. I wrote two notes
one to my brother, asking him If he
took me for a fool, and the other to
Miss Goldlng asking her If she would
be mine. While I was out somebody
telephoned 'Yes,' and I don't know
Which of 'em It was."—Chicago Nw.
A Victim of Circumstances.
V "I can't help feeling that you have a
rather Ignoble view of the use of money
In politics."
"My dear sir," answered Senator Sor
ghum, "like many other well-meaning
people, you wrong me. I'd be only too
glad to get on without spending a cent.
But the people who control the votes
groa't let me."— Washington Star.
How Wild Anlmnl. Fight.
In the pitched battles which some
times take place between the great car
nivora and the largest and most power
ful of the ox tribe the forces of animal
courage. desperation and bodily
strength must be exhibited on a scale
never elsewhere seen, says a writer
In Leslie's Weekly. Such combats do
occur, but have seldom been witnessed,
and still less frequently described.
Two or three lions sometimes combine
In such an attack, but from the marks
seen on buffalo It Is probable that
sometimes there is a single combat,
for It can hardly be supposed that the
buffalo could escape from more than
one lion.
The number of foot-pounds of energy
put Into such a struggle must be some
thiug extraordinary. The efforts of a
lion, which can strike a man's arm
from the shoulder and leave it hanging
by a strip of skin, or which can carry
a cow over a high stockade, endeavor
ing unsuccessfully in close grips, to
drag down or disable a buffalo bull,
must be on a gigantic scale, and the
strength which can shake him off, and,
it Is believed, occasionally crush the
lion afterward, must be even more
amazing. A buffalo bull has been cred
ited with engaging three lions in mor
tal combat, and making a good fight
before he was disabled by one of the
lions hamstringing him by biting his
legs from behind.
The Virtue, of the Eskimo Dog.
Of the Eskimo dog I could write a
book. In all probability descended from
tht wolf, it Is the Eskimo's one domes
tie animal, but It Is of as much value
to him as all the domesticated animals
of move favored races put together. It
drags him and his family and their
chattels from place to place; hauls to
his door the meat of seal or walrus;
leads him with unerring scent to the
tiny orifice In the snow which indicates
the breathing hole of a seal; drags him
for miles in pursuit of the bear, and
finally brings the huge brute to bay;
rounds up the musk oxen till his mas
ter can come up for the kill, and then,
perchance, in the darkness of some
long winter night, when tile hand of
hunger grips the settlement relentless
ly, he yields up his life to feed his mas
ter and his family, and his coat to
keep them warm.
Though mixed now with other
6tralns. so that black and reddish and
spoted dogs arc to be seen as well as
the pure blooded grays and whites,
tills animal still retains to a large de
gree the strength, endurance and fierce
lust for food when in pursuit of game
that characterized its wild ancestors.
Combined with these traits are an in
telligence and faithfulness that make
many of these animals the peer of any
of their more favored brothers in more
genial climates.—Commodore Robert E.
Peary, in Leslie's Monthly.
Easy to Tell Ten Leave..
"To tell positively a tea leaf from
every otlier sort of leaf in the world
there Is a simple method," said a tea
expert. "You first steep your tea leaves,
and then you take up one of them iu
your hand. You unroll It (ten leaves
nlways come rolled), and after you
have spread It out in its original shape,
you tear it very carefully In half. As
you do this you keep your eye on the
middle vein or backbone of the leaf.
This vein should have running through
Its middle, like the marrow in a bone,
a fine thread almost as tough and elas
tic as a rubber band.
"You cau tear the leaf in half, but
the thread still joins together the two
sections of the middle vein, and you
can pull these sections two, three, even
four or five inches apart sometimes be
fore the tiny thread will snap. Try
this the next time you drink tea with
oue of the leaves, and If the India-rub
ber-like thread Isn't present you may
rest assured that it Is not pure, una
dulterated tea that you aro driukiug."
—Philadelphia Record.
"No Kick Coming."
A railroad engineer who has been in
the service so many years that his lialr
has grown Iron gray and his visage as
stern as a warrior's, while he has driv
en Ills Iron monster over the parallels
of iron, recently experienced his first
collision. He came out of it with a
badly demolished engine and a suffi
ciently smashed-up leg for any occa
sion.
i The surgeons took him in charge,
and by dint of splints, bandages, skill
and patience, saved bis Injured limb
and got It on the road to recovery.
The other day he walked out for the
first time, and as he hobbled along 011
crutches, the Injured member looking
very uuwleldly Indeed, a friend hailed
him with: "Hello, Jim! how's that leg
of yours getting along?"
The veteran has gray eyes, as clear
and penetrating as a youth's, and they
twinkled with u tonic effect as he said,
laconically:
"Oh, I can't kick."—New York Times.
The Camera In Crime.
"The camera is coming to take a
more and more Important part In the
conviction of criminals," said a private
detective. "Therefore," he went on,
"It behooves us all to learn photogra
phy. A Chicago detective, one of the
most progressive and expert of our
younger men, haß a collection of crim
inals' photographs that It would do
your heprt good to see. He made these
pictures himself. We should one and
all be able to do the same.
"One of my Chicago confrere's pic
tures is of a pickpocket going through
a drunken man. The drunken man lies
In a deserted alley asleep. The crook
bends over him, with one hand in the
pocket of his trousers. The crook Is
bending over a stocking machine to
day at hard labor In Jolict prison.
"So I urge on all detectives the study
of photography, for the camera, intel
ligently used, is one of the greatest of
our modern crime detectors and convic
tors."—Philadelphia Record.
ROCUE CHARMS.
Queer Thing. That finical. Carry In Their
l'oekets.
A Vienna professor of criminal law.
Dr. Hans Gross, has published a valua
ble book, "The Research of the Ileal
Facts In Criminal Offenses," one of the
most Interesting chapters in which is
devoted to the part superstition plays
in the lives of criminals and iu the
courts of justice.
Dr. Gross proves his assertions by
facts. He saw a maid almost sen
tenced to several years' imprisonment
because her account of the way in
which she came to posses a valuable
opal ring that she tried to sell was not
believed. She said that a lady that
she did not know and had never seen
before in her life gave her the ring
In the street. One of her judges chanced
to remember that opals were consid
ered unlucky by women, and the affair
was well looked into, with the result
that the girl's story was proved true.
The woman had inherited the ring
and was told she could get rid of the
111-luck it would bring if she gave It
to the first person she met on going
out.
A very frequent proceeding In Aus
tria Is for those who have been robbed
to accuse innocent persons on the un
substantial testimony of fortune-tellers,
who claim to lie able to tell from the
cards wlrere to seek a thief.
Crimes arc still committed because
the old magicians' books are believed
in. The belief that to drink warm hu
man blood, obtained by a crime, cures
epilepsy, is still very general. Other
fits, according to superstition, are cured
by chewing wood from nn old coffin.
Not quite two years ago two German
soldiers found an old book which gave
the magic form by which it was as
serted that a man's head could be cut
off and put on again without hurting
him. The promise was made that a
man thus treated could find treasures
wherever he sought them. One of the
soldiers actually had his head cut off.
The things which persons carry on
their person are often a clue to their
pursuits and character. Thus all
poachers carry the roots of a fern,
which resemble smajl hands and are
called the hands ofi ft. .lohn.
The mandragorn foot Is supposed to
help one to open ticks, besides being
an aid to lovers find gamblers. The
latter, who hope to use false cards
without being detected, carry the dried
heart of a bat in their waistcoat pock
ets. There are innumerable supersti
tions according to which a man may
swear a false oath and not be the
worse for it.
Some criminals put the left hand in
their pockets and make a fist, or they
twist a button off their trousers, or spit
three times, or put small stones under
their tongue. Some always have the
leaves of mistletoe in their shoes to be
prepared for a false oath at any time.
But the most frequent way is called
"conducting it through the body."
While the right hand is raised, the left
is held down, and the fingers of the left
are held in the same position as those
of the right hand. In this way the ontli
"passes through" and does not signify.
A New Scheme to Draw a Crowd.
When the portly man coining out of
n Sixth avenue department store ran
down a little man who was trying to
enter there was nn explosion. ■
"Why don't you look where you're
going?" cried the little man, apparent
ly indignant.
"Get out of my way, you little runt,"
said the big fellow. "Do you think I
want you running your head into me?"
"You are no gentleman!" cried the
little fellow. "You elephant, you!"
"You miserable puppy, I just wish
you were half tny size; I'd-—"
And then a woman screamed, which
increased the gathering crowd. There
wns another volley of Invective. The
crowd blocked the sidewalk to the curb.
"There's going to be an awful fight,"
declared a woman.
"There's not," said a man who stood
near her.
The two principals were edging to
ward the curb, and finally got there.
From under the coat of the little man
came a case of cheap jewelry. The
other man produced a bundle of foun
tain pens. In a minute they were cry
ing their wnres. It was just a new
scheme to draw a crowd. —New York
Tribune.
Hobßon'l Choice.
Sir. Harper tells us all there is to be
told about Thomas Ilobson, the famous
enrrier between London and Cam
bridge, who died in 1631. It was from
him that the proverb of "Hobson's
choice," arose, meaning, of course, a
choice which is no choice. "The saying
arose from the livery stable business
carried on by Ilobson at Cambridge iff
addition to his carrying trade. He is,
indeed, said to have been the first who
mnde a business of letting out saddle
horses. His practice, Invnrinbly fol
lowed, was to refuse to allow any
horse In his stables to be taken ont of
its proper turn. 'That or none' wns his
unfailing formula, when the Cam
bridge students, eager to pick and
choose, would have selected their own
fancy in horseflesh. Every customer
was served alike, without favor."—Lon
don Telegraph.
Prlntlnc From Celluloid.
Italian publishers and newspaper
proprietors are seriously Interesting
themselves in a new process of print
ing, for which important claims are
made. The Genoese firm of Baciga
lupi has acquired all rights in the new
process, and a few days since all the
newspaper proprietors and leading
printers of Milan assembled to witness
a series of practical tests, which are
nil described as having been perfectly
satisfactory. The invention consists
in the substitution of celluloid for prep
arations of lead and antimony, and
gives an admirable reproduction from
all kinds of plates and blocks.—Tbe
Tribunal of Rome.
THE CHILDREN ENJOY §||
i Life out of doors and out of the games which they play and the enjoy-
W ~Y-t\j ment which they receive and the efforts which they make, comes the ,
Y'fi greater part of that healthful development which is so essential to their
<X'£■•?)£ / happiness when grown. When a laxative is needed the remedy which is
l - rx / / given to them to cleanse and sweeten and strengthen the internal organs
/// on which it acts, should be such as physicians would sanction, because its f* > y
/ ft component parts are known to be wholesome and the remedy itself free from
/if every objectionable quality. The one remedy which physicians and parents, i.ypyy\j
jtj well-informed, approve and recommend and which the little ones enjoy, '
Vl{ because of its pleasant flavor, its gentle action and its beneficial effects, is—
Syrup of Figs—and for the same reason it is the only laxative which should
-fisy be ucd by fathers and mothers. .yjr
cpv'* v Syrup of Figs is the only remedy which acts gently, pleasantly and
naturally without griping, irritating, or nauseating and which cleanses the
CX'W system effectually, without producing that constipated habit which results ***!s?
/jWfrom the use of the old-time cathartics and modern imitations, and against
Vj which the children should be so carefully guarded. If you would have them
'.yV grow to manhood and womanhood, strong, healthy and happy, do not give
them medicines, when medicines are not needed, and when nature needs ? '
assistance in the way of a laxative, give them only the simple, pleasant and Y
g-entle—Syrup of Figs. £**"
Its quality is due not only to the excellence of the combination of the ;
laxative principles of plants with pleasant aromatic syrups and juices, but
'•X' also to our original method of manufacture and as you value the health of
i'g the little ones, do not accept any of the substitutes which unscrupulous deal- " & :r t?
" ; ers sometimes offer to increase their profits. The genuine article may be \
\ bought anywhere of all reliable druggists at fifty cents per bottle. Please I
\ '* to remember, the full name of the Company— .. / Y
...rVT* CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO.-is printed on
$ - the front of every pack- „
3 a ß e In order to get its 1
beneficial effects it is al- A
bl
jfr- V >IT ' •••- V fe. —I
CAUGHT BY THE GRIP.
RELEASED BY PE-RU-NA.
Congressman Geo. H. White's Case.
A Noted Sculptress Cured.
LA GRIPPE is epidemic catarrh. It
spares no class or nationality. The
cultured and the ignorant, tne aris
tocrat and the pauper, the masses and
the classes are alike subject to la grippe.
None are exempt—all are liable.
Have you the grip? Or, rather, has
the grip got you? Grip is well named.
The original French term, la grippe, has
been shortened by the busy American to
read "grip." Without intending to do so i
ASK YOUR DRUGGIST FOR A FREE Pi
A. JACKS
Rai*n mules and get rich.
22 1
■■MHI Jacks for sale, 14 to 16 handa
A high; good ones and money
Kt inakera. Cheaper now than
m Fw later on. Stock guaranteed.
■ /V Also some fine, large Jennys
and mules. Write for prices.
K R V. KI,K H'H JACK
FARM* West Elkton. Preble Co.. Okie.
?| iwp^sps?!
. A I . H I H IT word " "d Phrases with defl
ll||l||l|| nitions. Instructive as well
MUXIII Uas amusing. Price 1 o cents,
stamps or coin. Slang Pub.
mm—mmm—mm Co. MI Mb Irs. M. .
a new word has been coined that exactly
describes the case. As if some hideous
giant with awful GRIP had clutched us in
its fatal clasp. Men, women, children,
whole towns and cities are caught in the
baneful grip of a terrible monster.
Pe-ru-na For (Irlp.
Mrs. Theophile Schmitt. wife of the Ex-
Secretary of the German Consulate, writes
Two men and one woman living in
Worcestershire, England, state that they
are centenarians.
If you want creamery prices do as the
creameries do, use JUNE TINT BUTTER
COLOR.
There are two women of seventy-five
years and over for every man of that age
in the borough of Finsbury, England
lam sure Plso's Cure for Consumption saved
my life three years ago.—Mas. THOMAS Kon-
Blßß.Maple at., Norwich, N. Y.. Feb. 17,1900.
Dublin Museum now possesses a large
atuffed elephant, the first mounted speci
men ever exhibited in Ireland.
the following letter from 3417 WabasH
avenue, Chicago, 111.:
"I suffered this winter with a Revere at
tack of la grippe. After using three bot
tles of Peruna I found the grip had dis
appeared."—Mrs. T. Schmitt.
Mrs. Celeste Covell writes from 219 N.
avenue, Aurora, 111.:
"Only those who have suffered with la
grippe and been cured can appreciate how
grateful I feel that such a splendid medi
cine as Peruna has been placed at the
door of every suffering person."—Mrs. C.
Covell.
Noted Sculptress Cured of Grip.
Mrs. M. C. Cooper, of the Royal Acad
emy of Arts, of London, England, now
residing in Washington, D. C., is one of
the greatest living sculptors and painters
of the world. She says:
"I take pleasure in recommending Pe
runa for catarrh and la grippe. I have
suffered for months, and after the use of
one bottle of Peruna I am entirely well."
—Mrs. M. C. Cooper.
I). L. Wallace, a charter member of the
International Barbers' Union, writes from
15 VVestern avenue, Minneapolis, Minn.:
"Following a severe attack of la grippe
I seemed to be affected badly all over.
"One of my customers who was greatly
helped by Peruna advised me to try it,
and I procured a bott'e the same day.
Now mv head is clear, my nerves are
steady, I enjoy food und rest well. Pe
runa has been worth a dollar a dose to
me."—D. L. Wallace.
Lieutenant Clarice Hunt, of the Salt
Lake City Baracks of the Salvation Army,
writes from Ogden, Utah:
"Two months ago I was suffering witi
so severe a cold that I could hardly speak.
"Our captain advised me to try Peruna
and procured a bottle for me, and truly it
worked wonders. Within two weeks I
was entirely well."—Clarice Hunt.
Congressman White's Letter.
Tarboro, N. C.
Gentlemen:-1 am more than satis
fied with rcruna and find it to bean
excellent remedy /or the grip and
catarrh. I have used it in my fam
ily and they all join me in recom
mending it as an excellent remedy.
—George H, White, Member of Con
gress*
Mrs. T. W. Collins, Treasurer Independ
ent Order of Good Templars, of Everett,
Wash., writes:
"After having a severe attack of la
grippe 1 continued in a feeble condition
even after the doctors called me cured.
My blood seemed poisoned. Peruna cured
me."—Mrs. T. W. Collins.
If you do not derive prompt and satis
factory results from the use of Peruna,
write at once to Dr. Hartman, giving a
full statement of your case and he will be
plensed to give you his valuable advice
gratis.
Address Dr. Hartman. President of The
Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus, Ohio.
r-RU-NA ALMANAC.
n ATSMTQAKtosrcafc
|j AA I ■ n I circular. A good Idee
■ mm ■ ■■ ■ m u w may make you rick.
w.'.£'";. d ..".!U Thompon' Eyi Wstir
Mrs.Wlnslow's SoothlngSyrup for children
teething,soften the gums, reduces inflamma
tlon,allays pain,cures wind colic. 25c. a bottle
One thousand five hundred and thirteen
novels were published in EngUnd io
1901.
FITS permanently cured.No fltsor nervous
ness after lirst day's use of Dr. Kline's Great
Nerve Restorer. trial bottieand treatise free
Dr IJ.II liuni Ltd..uai Arohßt..lblla..Pa.