I v OUK BUDGET OF HUMOR. II MM The Truth of It. Though grudgingly with many frowns, I He pays the bills for her new gowns. Mo husband over scorns to see His wife attit-ed becomingly. And when he notes with happy face , How well she looks in silk and lace, And proudly takes her walking through : The tnrongs upon the avenue, ! He feels a thrill of just content, I Nor cares a bang how much he's spent, a- . —Life. The Inevitable. ! "Still, she is undeniably older." "Yes; time has dealt with her kindly but firmly."—Puck. A Clear Conrte. "She says he is a man after her own heart." "Then I suppose he will get It."— Judge. Fully Credited That. He—"The trouble with you is you don't believe a word I say." She—"No such a tiling. I believe thoroughly what you just said."—Bos ton Transcript. or No Avail. "They say she is determined to marry a certain struggling young attorney." "Well, if she has made up her mind to marry bim I guess there is no fur ther use for him to struggle."—Puck. A Real Need. Out-of-a-Joh—"Don't you want to se cure the services of a reliable advance man?" Tyro Lecturer—"lndeed I do. One who can advance money to mo when I am stranded."—Baltimore American. Qnoer Thins About Girls. "Human nature's a queer thing, es pecially female human nature." "What are you thinking about now?" "For instance, if a young man tells a girl, any girl, that she's altogether dif { ferent from her sisters Bile always takes it as a compliment."—Philadel phia Press. Kellcb Wild Bear—"l ate three like you for breakfast this morning." Educated Bear "Well. I'm glad you've had your breakfast." New York Sun. Another Itoform lletnnnded. "Did you hear about that member of the Legislature who wants to pass a law requiring a physician's certificate before people can kiss?" said Maud. "Yes," answered Mamie, "and I think It's time they made a man produce proof that lie is sane before they let him Into the Legislature."—Washing toil Star. Congratulations. "I made an embarrassing mistake jnst now," remarked Van Major. "Con gratulated Miss Churchmouse on her engagement, Instead of giving her my best wishes." "Oh, that's all right," said Von Mi ner, reassuringly, "SIIC'B the one who Is marrying the money."—Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. Worried* 1 "I am very much afraid," said Mrs. Curorox, "that our daughter isn't rank ing the progress In musical culture that she ought to, considering the cost of lessons." "\Vhy not?" inquired her husband. "Sjie prefers a piece that cost only fifty cents to one that I paid a dollar for."—Washington Star. Expectation Fulfilled. ' Dickson "Remember that brllllnnt young fellow Tompkins, who was In our class at college? Wonder what be came of him. I always thought the world would hear from Tompkins." Richardson—"lt did. He became an auctioneer, afterward traveled as a barker for a sideshow, and is now beat ing the bars drum for the Salvation Army:"—Baltimore American. Answered by Telephone* Parker—"What's wrong? You seem •worried." Streeter—"l am. I wrote two notes one to my brother, asking him If he took me for a fool, and the other to Miss Goldlng asking her If she would be mine. While I was out somebody telephoned 'Yes,' and I don't know Which of 'em It was."—Chicago Nw. A Victim of Circumstances. V "I can't help feeling that you have a rather Ignoble view of the use of money In politics." "My dear sir," answered Senator Sor ghum, "like many other well-meaning people, you wrong me. I'd be only too glad to get on without spending a cent. But the people who control the votes groa't let me."— Washington Star. How Wild Anlmnl. Fight. In the pitched battles which some times take place between the great car nivora and the largest and most power ful of the ox tribe the forces of animal courage. desperation and bodily strength must be exhibited on a scale never elsewhere seen, says a writer In Leslie's Weekly. Such combats do occur, but have seldom been witnessed, and still less frequently described. Two or three lions sometimes combine In such an attack, but from the marks seen on buffalo It Is probable that sometimes there is a single combat, for It can hardly be supposed that the buffalo could escape from more than one lion. The number of foot-pounds of energy put Into such a struggle must be some thiug extraordinary. The efforts of a lion, which can strike a man's arm from the shoulder and leave it hanging by a strip of skin, or which can carry a cow over a high stockade, endeavor ing unsuccessfully in close grips, to drag down or disable a buffalo bull, must be on a gigantic scale, and the strength which can shake him off, and, it Is believed, occasionally crush the lion afterward, must be even more amazing. A buffalo bull has been cred ited with engaging three lions in mor tal combat, and making a good fight before he was disabled by one of the lions hamstringing him by biting his legs from behind. The Virtue, of the Eskimo Dog. Of the Eskimo dog I could write a book. In all probability descended from tht wolf, it Is the Eskimo's one domes tie animal, but It Is of as much value to him as all the domesticated animals of move favored races put together. It drags him and his family and their chattels from place to place; hauls to his door the meat of seal or walrus; leads him with unerring scent to the tiny orifice In the snow which indicates the breathing hole of a seal; drags him for miles in pursuit of the bear, and finally brings the huge brute to bay; rounds up the musk oxen till his mas ter can come up for the kill, and then, perchance, in the darkness of some long winter night, when tile hand of hunger grips the settlement relentless ly, he yields up his life to feed his mas ter and his family, and his coat to keep them warm. Though mixed now with other 6tralns. so that black and reddish and spoted dogs arc to be seen as well as the pure blooded grays and whites, tills animal still retains to a large de gree the strength, endurance and fierce lust for food when in pursuit of game that characterized its wild ancestors. Combined with these traits are an in telligence and faithfulness that make many of these animals the peer of any of their more favored brothers in more genial climates.—Commodore Robert E. Peary, in Leslie's Monthly. Easy to Tell Ten Leave.. "To tell positively a tea leaf from every otlier sort of leaf in the world there Is a simple method," said a tea expert. "You first steep your tea leaves, and then you take up one of them iu your hand. You unroll It (ten leaves nlways come rolled), and after you have spread It out in its original shape, you tear it very carefully In half. As you do this you keep your eye on the middle vein or backbone of the leaf. This vein should have running through Its middle, like the marrow in a bone, a fine thread almost as tough and elas tic as a rubber band. "You cau tear the leaf in half, but the thread still joins together the two sections of the middle vein, and you can pull these sections two, three, even four or five inches apart sometimes be fore the tiny thread will snap. Try this the next time you drink tea with oue of the leaves, and If the India-rub ber-like thread Isn't present you may rest assured that it Is not pure, una dulterated tea that you aro driukiug." —Philadelphia Record. "No Kick Coming." A railroad engineer who has been in the service so many years that his lialr has grown Iron gray and his visage as stern as a warrior's, while he has driv en Ills Iron monster over the parallels of iron, recently experienced his first collision. He came out of it with a badly demolished engine and a suffi ciently smashed-up leg for any occa sion. i The surgeons took him in charge, and by dint of splints, bandages, skill and patience, saved bis Injured limb and got It on the road to recovery. The other day he walked out for the first time, and as he hobbled along 011 crutches, the Injured member looking very uuwleldly Indeed, a friend hailed him with: "Hello, Jim! how's that leg of yours getting along?" The veteran has gray eyes, as clear and penetrating as a youth's, and they twinkled with u tonic effect as he said, laconically: "Oh, I can't kick."—New York Times. The Camera In Crime. "The camera is coming to take a more and more Important part In the conviction of criminals," said a private detective. "Therefore," he went on, "It behooves us all to learn photogra phy. A Chicago detective, one of the most progressive and expert of our younger men, haß a collection of crim inals' photographs that It would do your heprt good to see. He made these pictures himself. We should one and all be able to do the same. "One of my Chicago confrere's pic tures is of a pickpocket going through a drunken man. The drunken man lies In a deserted alley asleep. The crook bends over him, with one hand in the pocket of his trousers. The crook Is bending over a stocking machine to day at hard labor In Jolict prison. "So I urge on all detectives the study of photography, for the camera, intel ligently used, is one of the greatest of our modern crime detectors and convic tors."—Philadelphia Record. ROCUE CHARMS. Queer Thing. That finical. Carry In Their l'oekets. A Vienna professor of criminal law. Dr. Hans Gross, has published a valua ble book, "The Research of the Ileal Facts In Criminal Offenses," one of the most Interesting chapters in which is devoted to the part superstition plays in the lives of criminals and iu the courts of justice. Dr. Gross proves his assertions by facts. He saw a maid almost sen tenced to several years' imprisonment because her account of the way in which she came to posses a valuable opal ring that she tried to sell was not believed. She said that a lady that she did not know and had never seen before in her life gave her the ring In the street. One of her judges chanced to remember that opals were consid ered unlucky by women, and the affair was well looked into, with the result that the girl's story was proved true. The woman had inherited the ring and was told she could get rid of the 111-luck it would bring if she gave It to the first person she met on going out. A very frequent proceeding In Aus tria Is for those who have been robbed to accuse innocent persons on the un substantial testimony of fortune-tellers, who claim to lie able to tell from the cards wlrere to seek a thief. Crimes arc still committed because the old magicians' books are believed in. The belief that to drink warm hu man blood, obtained by a crime, cures epilepsy, is still very general. Other fits, according to superstition, are cured by chewing wood from nn old coffin. Not quite two years ago two German soldiers found an old book which gave the magic form by which it was as serted that a man's head could be cut off and put on again without hurting him. The promise was made that a man thus treated could find treasures wherever he sought them. One of the soldiers actually had his head cut off. The things which persons carry on their person are often a clue to their pursuits and character. Thus all poachers carry the roots of a fern, which resemble smajl hands and are called the hands ofi ft. .lohn. The mandragorn foot Is supposed to help one to open ticks, besides being an aid to lovers find gamblers. The latter, who hope to use false cards without being detected, carry the dried heart of a bat in their waistcoat pock ets. There are innumerable supersti tions according to which a man may swear a false oath and not be the worse for it. Some criminals put the left hand in their pockets and make a fist, or they twist a button off their trousers, or spit three times, or put small stones under their tongue. Some always have the leaves of mistletoe in their shoes to be prepared for a false oath at any time. But the most frequent way is called "conducting it through the body." While the right hand is raised, the left is held down, and the fingers of the left are held in the same position as those of the right hand. In this way the ontli "passes through" and does not signify. A New Scheme to Draw a Crowd. When the portly man coining out of n Sixth avenue department store ran down a little man who was trying to enter there was nn explosion. ■ "Why don't you look where you're going?" cried the little man, apparent ly indignant. "Get out of my way, you little runt," said the big fellow. "Do you think I want you running your head into me?" "You are no gentleman!" cried the little fellow. "You elephant, you!" "You miserable puppy, I just wish you were half tny size; I'd-—" And then a woman screamed, which increased the gathering crowd. There wns another volley of Invective. The crowd blocked the sidewalk to the curb. "There's going to be an awful fight," declared a woman. "There's not," said a man who stood near her. The two principals were edging to ward the curb, and finally got there. From under the coat of the little man came a case of cheap jewelry. The other man produced a bundle of foun tain pens. In a minute they were cry ing their wnres. It was just a new scheme to draw a crowd. —New York Tribune. Hobßon'l Choice. Sir. Harper tells us all there is to be told about Thomas Ilobson, the famous enrrier between London and Cam bridge, who died in 1631. It was from him that the proverb of "Hobson's choice," arose, meaning, of course, a choice which is no choice. "The saying arose from the livery stable business carried on by Ilobson at Cambridge iff addition to his carrying trade. He is, indeed, said to have been the first who mnde a business of letting out saddle horses. His practice, Invnrinbly fol lowed, was to refuse to allow any horse In his stables to be taken ont of its proper turn. 'That or none' wns his unfailing formula, when the Cam bridge students, eager to pick and choose, would have selected their own fancy in horseflesh. Every customer was served alike, without favor."—Lon don Telegraph. Prlntlnc From Celluloid. Italian publishers and newspaper proprietors are seriously Interesting themselves in a new process of print ing, for which important claims are made. The Genoese firm of Baciga lupi has acquired all rights in the new process, and a few days since all the newspaper proprietors and leading printers of Milan assembled to witness a series of practical tests, which are nil described as having been perfectly satisfactory. The invention consists in the substitution of celluloid for prep arations of lead and antimony, and gives an admirable reproduction from all kinds of plates and blocks.—Tbe Tribunal of Rome. THE CHILDREN ENJOY §|| i Life out of doors and out of the games which they play and the enjoy- W ~Y-t\j ment which they receive and the efforts which they make, comes the , Y'fi greater part of that healthful development which is so essential to their y / ft component parts are known to be wholesome and the remedy itself free from /if every objectionable quality. The one remedy which physicians and parents, i.ypyy\j jtj well-informed, approve and recommend and which the little ones enjoy, ' Vl{ because of its pleasant flavor, its gentle action and its beneficial effects, is— Syrup of Figs—and for the same reason it is the only laxative which should -fisy be ucd by fathers and mothers. .yjr cpv'* v Syrup of Figs is the only remedy which acts gently, pleasantly and naturally without griping, irritating, or nauseating and which cleanses the CX'W system effectually, without producing that constipated habit which results ***!s? /jWfrom the use of the old-time cathartics and modern imitations, and against Vj which the children should be so carefully guarded. If you would have them '.yV grow to manhood and womanhood, strong, healthy and happy, do not give them medicines, when medicines are not needed, and when nature needs ? ' assistance in the way of a laxative, give them only the simple, pleasant and Y g-entle—Syrup of Figs. £**" Its quality is due not only to the excellence of the combination of the ; laxative principles of plants with pleasant aromatic syrups and juices, but '•X' also to our original method of manufacture and as you value the health of i'g the little ones, do not accept any of the substitutes which unscrupulous deal- " & :r t? " ; ers sometimes offer to increase their profits. The genuine article may be \ \ bought anywhere of all reliable druggists at fifty cents per bottle. Please I \ '* to remember, the full name of the Company— .. / Y ...rVT* CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO.-is printed on $ - the front of every pack- „ 3 a ß e In order to get its 1 beneficial effects it is al- A bl jfr- V >IT ' •••- V fe. —I CAUGHT BY THE GRIP. RELEASED BY PE-RU-NA. Congressman Geo. H. White's Case. A Noted Sculptress Cured. LA GRIPPE is epidemic catarrh. It spares no class or nationality. The cultured and the ignorant, tne aris tocrat and the pauper, the masses and the classes are alike subject to la grippe. None are exempt—all are liable. Have you the grip? Or, rather, has the grip got you? Grip is well named. The original French term, la grippe, has been shortened by the busy American to read "grip." Without intending to do so i ASK YOUR DRUGGIST FOR A FREE Pi A. JACKS Rai*n mules and get rich. 22 1 ■■MHI Jacks for sale, 14 to 16 handa A high; good ones and money Kt inakera. Cheaper now than m Fw later on. Stock guaranteed. ■ /V Also some fine, large Jennys and mules. Write for prices. K R V. KI,K H'H JACK FARM* West Elkton. Preble Co.. Okie. ?| iwp^sps?! . A I . H I H IT word " "d Phrases with defl ll||l||l|| nitions. Instructive as well MUXIII Uas amusing. Price 1 o cents, stamps or coin. Slang Pub. mm—mmm—mm Co. MI Mb Irs. M. . a new word has been coined that exactly describes the case. As if some hideous giant with awful GRIP had clutched us in its fatal clasp. Men, women, children, whole towns and cities are caught in the baneful grip of a terrible monster. Pe-ru-na For (Irlp. Mrs. Theophile Schmitt. wife of the Ex- Secretary of the German Consulate, writes Two men and one woman living in Worcestershire, England, state that they are centenarians. If you want creamery prices do as the creameries do, use JUNE TINT BUTTER COLOR. There are two women of seventy-five years and over for every man of that age in the borough of Finsbury, England lam sure Plso's Cure for Consumption saved my life three years ago.—Mas. THOMAS Kon- Blßß.Maple at., Norwich, N. Y.. Feb. 17,1900. Dublin Museum now possesses a large atuffed elephant, the first mounted speci men ever exhibited in Ireland. the following letter from 3417 WabasH avenue, Chicago, 111.: "I suffered this winter with a Revere at tack of la grippe. After using three bot tles of Peruna I found the grip had dis appeared."—Mrs. T. Schmitt. Mrs. Celeste Covell writes from 219 N. avenue, Aurora, 111.: "Only those who have suffered with la grippe and been cured can appreciate how grateful I feel that such a splendid medi cine as Peruna has been placed at the door of every suffering person."—Mrs. C. Covell. Noted Sculptress Cured of Grip. Mrs. M. C. Cooper, of the Royal Acad emy of Arts, of London, England, now residing in Washington, D. C., is one of the greatest living sculptors and painters of the world. She says: "I take pleasure in recommending Pe runa for catarrh and la grippe. I have suffered for months, and after the use of one bottle of Peruna I am entirely well." —Mrs. M. C. Cooper. I). L. Wallace, a charter member of the International Barbers' Union, writes from 15 VVestern avenue, Minneapolis, Minn.: "Following a severe attack of la grippe I seemed to be affected badly all over. "One of my customers who was greatly helped by Peruna advised me to try it, and I procured a bott'e the same day. Now mv head is clear, my nerves are steady, I enjoy food und rest well. Pe runa has been worth a dollar a dose to me."—D. L. Wallace. Lieutenant Clarice Hunt, of the Salt Lake City Baracks of the Salvation Army, writes from Ogden, Utah: "Two months ago I was suffering witi so severe a cold that I could hardly speak. "Our captain advised me to try Peruna and procured a bottle for me, and truly it worked wonders. Within two weeks I was entirely well."—Clarice Hunt. Congressman White's Letter. Tarboro, N. C. Gentlemen:-1 am more than satis fied with rcruna and find it to bean excellent remedy /or the grip and catarrh. I have used it in my fam ily and they all join me in recom mending it as an excellent remedy. —George H, White, Member of Con gress* Mrs. T. W. Collins, Treasurer Independ ent Order of Good Templars, of Everett, Wash., writes: "After having a severe attack of la grippe 1 continued in a feeble condition even after the doctors called me cured. My blood seemed poisoned. Peruna cured me."—Mrs. T. W. Collins. If you do not derive prompt and satis factory results from the use of Peruna, write at once to Dr. Hartman, giving a full statement of your case and he will be plensed to give you his valuable advice gratis. Address Dr. Hartman. President of The Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus, Ohio. r-RU-NA ALMANAC. n ATSMTQAKtosrcafc |j AA I ■ n I circular. A good Idee ■ mm ■ ■■ ■ m u w may make you rick. w.'.£'";. d ..".!U Thompon' Eyi Wstir Mrs.Wlnslow's SoothlngSyrup for children teething,soften the gums, reduces inflamma tlon,allays pain,cures wind colic. 25c. a bottle One thousand five hundred and thirteen novels were published in EngUnd io 1901. FITS permanently cured.No fltsor nervous ness after lirst day's use of Dr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer. trial bottieand treatise free Dr IJ.II liuni Ltd..uai Arohßt..lblla..Pa.