Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, November 25, 1901, Image 2

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. - • ; — ~
The population of France, it Is
claimed, is increasing somewhat more
rauidly than it was 10 years ago.
Franco is not a dying nation.
The United States is rich enough to
have anything it desires, a college of
heraldry included. But coats of arms
will have to figure in American civili
zation as mere matters ot decoration
for some time to come.
A railroad automobile has been put
Into operation 011 one of the French
railways. It is a combination of en
gine and passenger car. Its total
length is SS 1-2 feet. The engine is lo
cated in tho middle and has 125 horse
power, and the vehicle will carry 80
passengers.
Paris leads the world in dressmak
ing. It is estimated that there are 7"
000 persons employed in the dress- I
making establishments of the cily, and
if one includes the workers who de
sign and make the materials used by
tho dressmakers, about 1,400.000 per
sons are engaged in tho struggle to
satisfy woman's love of chiffons.
Italy is now sending more emigrants
to tho United States than any other
country; Austro-Hungary next and
Russia third. The percentage of tho
total number of immigrants from these
three countries, in tho order named,
it 27.9, 23.2 and 17.4. Germany sent
31.7 percent, in ISB2, but now it sends
only 4.4 percent England sent 10.4
percent in ISS2; now it sends only 2.5
percent
The general land office has been
making a new examination of the pet
rified forests of Arizona. Tho silicified
logs lie in great abundance within ar.
area of eight square miles in Apache
county, in some places Ihcy lie more
thickly than tlicy could have stood |
while living as (reos, and it is thought
that they must have been carried there
by a swift current of water in the me
sozoic age.
The growth of United States trade
with China is set i'orih at length In a
bulletin just issued by the treasury
department. From various porls of
the empire statements ' eve been ob
tained showing decided gains in the
receipts of cotton piece goods and oth
er material from America. The total
value of American merchandise of all
classes entering China is now about
J2I,CC : i.OOO annually, while the United
States imports from the Flowery King
dom about $28,000,000 worth.
Of the population of the United
States 47.1 percent live in incorporated
municipalities, of which there are 10,-
602 in the country. Of these, however,
6819 have a population of less than 1000
and are really rural communities. The
states differ greatly in their policy
with regard to permitting small towns
to incorporate. Massachusetts, for ex
ample, lias but 33 incorporated towns,
while Delaware, with only one-fif
teenth of tho population of Massachu
setts, has 35. Illinois heads the list
with 930 incorporated municipalities.
California has 116.
We Need the Metric System.
Consul Hill reports from Amsterdam
that the necessity for United States
manufacturers to adopt the mertlc sys
tem in foreign trade becomes dally
more imperative. A firm in Holland
received this week a cable offer from
New York for 2,000 barrels of potatoes.
As this was a new business, the ques
tion at once arose how many pounds
were there in a barrel of potatoes-
American pounds, too. as the Dutch
pound differs from ours. A whole
day was lost before the answer could
bo wired. Had tho answer been
wired in kilograms, every business
man in the commercial world from
Vladivostock to Mauritius would have
understood it instantly.
Minnesota is called the "Bread and
Butter State." and rightly, too, for
last year her mills turned out 26,630,-
600 barrels of Hour and churned over
60,000,000 pounds 0/ butter
gHßßßa^a^iß33eßßlßßßßeßi3BiaS^^!taaßtaßWßlffi-'a
| THE APOLOGY OF ROBERTS |
v*S By Pliilip Verril flighels.
* —— HE rain descending on top ot
I tlio snow lind made Eoberts
I thoroughly wet. Standing in
side the mouth ot his tunnel,
he lighted a candle, and then gazed
out on the dreary scene presented by
the gray hills.
"It's an elegant Christmas." he
grumbled, "and nothing l'or a Christ
mas-tree this side of Sugar Loaf
Gulch." There was nothing green,
certainly, save a single scrub-brush
of mountain-tea. "I suppose I've got
to go," he added; "the kid don't ask
for much, and I reckon he's lonely,
poor little man."
lie started into the mine. On either
side upright timbers supported the
roof of the tunnel. Close to these, one
after another, the miner held his cau
dle, sweeping it slowly down the
length of each. Every one was bent
inward, a few were splitting, and
ominous cracks sounded along the line,
as the posts shouldered up the weight
of the saturated liill above. Huberts
understood the situation. Had the day
not been so far advanced he would
have gone to work at once to reinforce
tile mine against the impending cal
amity. As it was,-he cursed his luck
and walked rapidly in, to secure an
axe with which to cut a tree for his
small boy's Christmas. Having se
cured the implement, he leaned upon
it in contemplation of the end of the
tunnel, with its meagre vein of quartz.
"If it wasn't for that color of gold,"
he mused, "I'd let you go to the devil."
The crack of the timbers further out
made him start, lie shouldered the
axe, and returned toward the day
light.
A chorus of cracking and crunching
sounds greeted his approach; ho felt
a chill go down his spine. A moment
later a loud splitting behind him re
verberated down tlie tunnel, followed
by a thundering sound and a rush of
air. Ilia light went out.
Cra.-hir. . of timbers, gritting of
roots, and a groaning of wood made
11 terrifying din. The miner ran for
his life. The tumbling posts, the down
pouring earth, and the splinters of
splitting wood pursued him.
The tunnel's mouth—a warpiug
square—was now in sight. Axe in
hand the racing man tore along the
thundering liall ul' the fust-lilllug
tomb. Another leap, and he would
clear the place! The sill of the door
tripped and threw him on tho rock
floor. He scrambled away on hands
and knees. A single hunk of rock
crushed at llie heel of liis foot.
Hurt and limping, he arose, stepped
further along, and faced about. A
twisted scar in tho hill marked the
place where he had labored so long.
Even in the ruin 11 cloiul of dust was
slowly floating away. The axe was
buried.
"Didn't git mo!" said the man, in a
peculiar spirit of triumph. "But sure
enough, you've gone to the devil!" He
found himself surprised that the fur
row above the cave was so narrow
and shallow. It seemed utterly in
adequate to tlie work lie had expend
ed in delving. "No Christmas-tree now
for the kid," lie remarked. "I guess
this mountain-tea will have to do the
business."
He hacked off tlie stem of tlie brush
with his knife, and swinging it on his
hack, limped away.
The brush, with its candles. Its hits
of ribbon which the man bad cher
ished, and its odd array of "presents,"
pleased the seven-year-old child in
Roberts' cabin immensely. The little
chap was more than commonly lone
some, having been inordinately fond
of the mother, who had made him her
constant companion. Since her death
It had been her personal trinkets that
gave him the greatest pleasure. This
was the reason why tlio present on
the tree which delighted him most
was a gourd which his mother had
employed in darning stockings.
"Can I take it with me to aunty's!"
he inquired wistfully, holding it tight
in his hands.
"Why of course you can, If you
want; but you know you ain't coming
home for a week, and I wouldn't like
for you to lose it, little man."
On Christmas morning Itoberts car
ried the boy as far as the caved-in
mine, and started him off on his visit
to the camp over the hill.
"Don't forget to come hack to Dad
on New Year's Eve," he instructed.
"Start by four in the evening, sure.
You better uot come if it happens to
snow—savvy?" And he kissed the lit
tle fellow good-by.
CHAPTER 11.
Late on the last day of the year a
miner walked across the dump of Rob
erts' mine to another tunuel, which
had been locked up and deserted for
more than a year. He produced a key
which turned the rusted lock, after
which he lighted a candle and went
slowly in, recalling a score of inci
dents of days gone by, and so came at
last to the end of the drift. Here he
threw down bis roll of blankets and
stood inactive for some time, in medi
tation. At length be took up a pick
from a stack of tools, left as if but
the day before, and began to strike at
the rock.
Stroke after stroke he rained on the
face of the wall, stopping now and
again to take the candle and throw its
radiance in and about the hole lie was
forming, the clearer to see the trend
of a lead of crumbling quartz,
For an hour he worked unceasingly.
Presently the steel of tile implement
crashed through the shell of a sofler
substance aud all but disappeared. He
drKhifshihihAlHrKiHiHSt-W
1 littered a note of surprise, and throw
ing his weight on the handle of the
tool, pried as with a lever.
Suddenly a chunk of porphyry
bulged forth, the pick burst out, and
a gleaming cascade of gold came pour
ing from the orifice.
"Yowl" cried the miner in unre
straiuable delight, and, falling on his
knees, he gathered up the glinting
metal in both his roughened hands.
"Oil, no!" he roared, "wasn't it worth
coming back to claim the poor old
tunnel? Wasn't it worth a new loca
tion? Ain't we fixed?" And clutch
ing up his pick agaiu, he slashed and
tore at the pocket of precious metal in
a frenzy.
"Oh, say!" lie went on, stopping
again to gather up the golden store,
"won't we roll 'em now? Hoy! who's
there!"
He stood up and peered outward,
vainly, in tlie blackness of the mine.
A patter of feet broke the stillness.
Drawing a pistol and feeling bis way,
the miner gave pursuit. The sounds
diminished and were gone. Ho went
on out and looked from the tunnel's
mouth.
The darkness of night had descend
ed. Clouds were massed up hugely;
a keen blast was blowing. Here and
there a flake of snow shot downward
to the earth.
"Heh, hell, heh—wow-ow-ow," sound
ed weirdly from the brush.
"Coyote," said tlie miner. Satisfied
as to tlie nature of his visitor, he re
placed his pistol 111 his belt and re
turned to his treasure.
Creeping away from the spot where
tlie coyote-liowl had been sounded, a
supple figure arose anil glided down
the slope.
Roberts, in bis cabin, was cooking
bis dinner when this figure knocked at
his door.
"Conic in," lie called.
AVitii u grill, tlie man outside entered
and closed the door. The light revealed
au Indian face and head, on an In
dian body; yet tlie fellow's skin was
nearly us fair as that of the white
man.
"Hullo, Slink," said the miner. "The
kid won't come to-night, I reckon. I
told him to wait if tlie snow came on
nothing to you, though," and added
sullenly: "what do you want?"
"Nutlijii'," said tho Indian, eyeing
the food hungrily.
"You lie, half-breed," said the other.
"Take n bite if you want."
The creature jerked a sizzling chop
from tlie skillet, tossed it about to
cool, and soon was gulping it down.
Then he licked his lingers, with a look
of greed in his eyes,
"Well," said Roberts, knowing his
man, "what have you got to say?"
"Heap gold," said the Indian abrupt
"Gold? Whore?"
"Sturgis mine. Heap gold."
"Injun, you're a liar. You're up to
doing some dirt to Sturgis again, I'll
bet. There ain't been a man iii that
tunnel for over a year—not since Stur
gis left the diggln's, cuss him!"
"Sturgis, he's heap there," replied
the half-breed. "Slink, he's heap see
'lllll gold."
"Did you, sure? He's back then,
is he? I reckon ho came to locate the
claim over. To-morrow's New Year,
and that's his game. I ltnowed he
hadn't done his assessment work—any
man could luivo jumped that claim to
morrow. You said he has struck
gold?"
"Heap gold; Slink, lie sees 'tun
heap," repeated the creature, eyeing
Roberts narrowly.
"Gold! In that old tunnel, and mine
had to cave! I've got as good a right
as him to jump her to-niglit and lo
cate tlie whole works. He ain't done
assessment work by two hundred dol
lars!"
"Plenty gold," remarked the savage
inskluously.
"Gold, gold, gold! Well hang me,
I'll jump that claim to-night! He
ain't got no rights; he ain't stayed
hero and worked like me; and lie done
me up before. I'll jump her, sure.
Here Injun, take the meat. Now you
git!"
With the meat in his fingers the In
dian glided out, his eyes afire with
gleams of cunning. He had an old
score against Sturgis himself.
Iu hiss tunnel Sturgis worked dili
gently, breaking out the metal and
heaping It up with earessful hands.
His candle burned dotvu to a lump of
grease and gave up the ghost. The
uian groped his way to the outside
entrance, where he found half a doz
en tallow dips. The hill by this time
was covered with snow, which was
coming down in a blinding swirl.
"Nasty night," he muttered, looking
forth on the bleakness of the scene,
and was turning back when a feeble
cry came clearly on the wind. "Hul
lo!" said he. "What's up?"
"Pa—pal" came the shrill accents.
"Oh, pa—pa, pa—pa!"
"Well, I ain't your papa," said the
miner, putting up his collar at the
back of his neck, "hut X reckon I've got
to hunt you up."
He closed the door of the claim and
plunged away. Utter darkness was
prevented by the whiteness of the hill,
yet lie could scarcely see a good twen
ty feet ahead. lie stumbled north
ward, and was thrown several times
by covered roots. The cold cut through
his clothing keenly.
"Hullo!" lie shouted; hut the sound
seemed healcn to the earth. Not even
an echo made reply. He stamped his
feet to drive out tlia cold that crept
Insensibly up.
"Yellow-sand Ravine," he muttered
nt length; "it must have been on the
Pinto trail." Hunting till ho found
a narrow suggestion of a path through
the brush, be traveled for a time
westward, up the hill.
"Hullo!" he cried again, "ilcy, there,
hullo!"
This time a smothered moan was
borne on the wind.
"Across the gulch," he breathed,
and descended to the bottom of the
wrinkle in the mountain, and up on
the further acclivity. Forward and
back he plodded, calling repeatedly.
At length, nearly ready to give the
search over, he stood in the storm to
listen. Suddenly, less than three
feet away, a hump of snow stirred
slightly.
Sturgis stooped toward it instantly,
pushed off the blanket of ice, and lift
ed up a stiffening little form, cold and
helpless.
"By gracious!" said he, "but this is
too bad. The tunnel's the nearest
place to go, and maybe I can light a
lire."
"Divesting himself of his coat, he
wrapped it about the child, held him
close, and strode away in the path of
the storm. Floundering here, slipping
there, blocked under foot, confused
by the flight of snow, he wandered
for an hour, up hill and down. By
sheer good fortune he found himself
at last by the side of the uump of his
claim.
His hands were numb and as stiff
as wood; lie felt that hardly a spot of
warmth was left In his body. As he
labored up the side of the dump to
the top, lie was confronted by a
hunching figure—a man, who, like
himself, had just.achieved the scaling
of the pile.
Instantly the man stopped and drew
a pistol. It was Roberts. "Cuss the
cold!" he growled. His hands were
so stilt he could not cock the revolver.
He threw it down in the snow. "Stur
gis!" he growled, advancing; "git away
from here. Your claim is jumped.
You haven't done assessment. The
mine belong to me—savvy?—unless
you're better than me at a light!"
Sturgis staggered a trifle backward,
and placed his burden quickly in the
snow.
"You is it, Roberts?" lie chattered.
"Stand away!" lie tried to draw his
pistol, but failed.
Crouching, the men circled about,
their great numb lists awkwardly
swinging, like frozen clods. Rushing
heavily in, Roberts dealt the younger
man a blow iu the face, and they
clinched like bears, to struggle on the
rocky dump, scuttling the snow with
their frozen boots.
They broke away and circled again,
Sturgis silent, Roberts savagely growl
ing:
"Blame you, I'll learn you now!
Jlary would have made a good moth
er to my kid, if it lindn't been for you.
She liked mo first."
"You lie," answered Slurgis.
Roberts's bands were not so stiff as
those of his foe; he pawed in the
snow a second for the buried revolv
er. Sturgis leaped to strike with his
leaden list. Weakened and chilled,
however, his muscles all but refused
to act. Roberts met him, grasped at
his throat, and pulled out the pistol
dangling from the other's belt.
"Rook out for that!" breathed Stur
gis, as they surged about, and lurching
Roberts backward, he made him avoid
trampling on the child.
This action gave Roberts an opening.
Down came the butt of the pistol, and
without a sound the miner sank in the
snow.
"I told you—l'd do you—up, if ever
—you came to—Alder Creek," panted
Roberts, "and there—you are."
Pocketing the pistol, he moved to
ward the tunnel, uud stumbled over u
small heap in the snow.
"Huh," said he. "Blankets, hey? I
reckon I can use them myself." He
raised the bundle. It stirred; the coat
fell away from the white little face,
while a tiny band dropped limply
down, clutching a smooth round gourd
"Lord! It's my little kid!" cried
Roberts. "Hey, little boy—it's Dad.
God, you're cold!" he added, crooning
ly, "terrible cold," and he held the
child wildly and fondly to his breast.
"Sturgis!" he cried abruptly, "he
fetched you!—fetched my boy—and
where was I? He done it, sure —my
Lord, but you're cold!"
He stumbled toward the mine.
"He done it," ho went on moaning.
"I'll go and apologize—l will. I'll go
and fetch liim in. I didn't know—l
couldn't have knowed."
Hastening forth, after placing the
child on the warmer lloor of the tun
nel, l;e shambled forward. Out on the
dump the llgurc ol' Sturgis was weak
ly attempting to rise. Crouching near,
stealthily advancing, a knife held
ready for a deadly stab, was Slink, the
half-breed, Hearing the wounded min
er for a stroke.
"Hey!" roared Roberts.
Jumping ahead like a maddened hull,
ho threw himself on the savage. The
knife was batted endways, but the
Indian tripped up the white man's
feet, and together they rolled over
the snow-plated rocks, locked In a
deadly embrace.
The savage It was now whoso bony
lingers searched about the miner's
belt aud whipped out the pistol. Ho
rose 011 ono knee and swung the weap
on backward. Roberts, hot with rage,
butted liim a thumping blow with his
head, bowling him partially over.
The two struggled to their feet to
Wrestle and light for the weapon. The
Indian, writhing like a snake, eluded
the grasp of Ills foe, bent the miner
backward with a thrust-out hand, and
struck with the heavy revolver.
Roberts instantly dropped to a knee,
and clutching the leg of the trencher-
ou3 Slink, jerked It outward with a
vengeful haul.
The half-breed's blow failing to
land, and swinging him about, helped
to fetch him down. He struck on the
back of his head in the recks, with a
shiver, slowly straightened out—dead.
Bleeding and panting, the miner
stood for a moment, prepared for
further struggle. Then he made liis
way to Sturgis, who was sitting in the
snow, weakly.
"Sturgis," blurted Roberts, "I apolo
gize—l do. I didn't—know you bad
saved the little—kid. I'd like—to
shake your—paw and apologize—which
I never done—to any man before.
Here, I'll help. You've—got to git in
side. The claim's yours all—right
enough. I reekou you've—done your
whole assessment."—New Illustrated.
A FORTUNE IN APPLES.
Man Sells His Crop For Forty-six Thou,
sand Dollars Cash.
State Senator W. P. Sullivan, of
Christian County, was in Kansas Cliy
yesterday and told of a farmer down
there who sold liis apple crop the other
day for $40,000 In cash. The farmer's
name is Hazlcton, aud lie has 1100
acres of apples.
"He did not have to gather the fruit.
The buyer was glad enough to buy It
on the trees," said the Senator.
"Then land down your way is held
at a high value?"
"Not very. There is some to be
bought for $1.25 an acre. But it is too
easy to get. What American people
want is land where twelve men arc
fighting for each available farm, and
which will cost them a lot of money
to prove up. They do not like to go
Into a quiet country aud at their leis
ure pick out a place that in a few
years will yield SIOO per acre."
"Some do as well as that?"
"I know several orchards which
have sold this year at that rate."
"Then they average by failures?"
"Never have a failure In the
Ozarks, said Senator Sullivan wiih
asperity. When a southern Mlssour
lan has to own up to being from the
Ozarks he always gets mad. It is his
version of the travelers who, to kill
time, were telling what were their
native States. All confessed eagerly
but one man, who, when pressed, said:
"Now laugh, durn ye; I come from
Arkansaw." Ozark people are in the
same plight.
"All there is against us is our
name," pretested Senator Sullivan.
"We have some Bald Kuobbers and
rnzorbacks down there, hut we know
liow to raise apples and peaches and
goats. We have the best region In tlie
whole of the United States for these
things. It makes us tired when we
hear of forty bushels of thirty-cent
corn to the acre. We go in for SIOO
- apples. In ISBI and last year
we had a partial failure in some farm
products, but they do not include our
apples. Why don't emigrants turn
out when they get this far and settle
in Missouri? Confiscate all the dime
novels and yellowbacks and we will
live down that ugly name we have."
—Kansas City Journal.
Some Facts About Halt.
The production of salt for domestic
use and use in the arts Is now some
where near 10,000,000 tons annually,
and the consumption always runs
close to the production. Furthermore,
a perfectly natural demand would call
/or a far greater output. Salt is a
universal necessity for all living
things, and the human consumption is
checked by poverty aud taxes. Thus
the population of India pays a salt tux
amounting to eight millious sterling
and the consumption averages only
ten pounds per inhabitant. Nor does
the deprivation relate to a matter of
taste merely. On the contrary, it is
seriously reckoned as a prime cause
for the debilitated condition of the
people. Salt menus so much more
than savor that we are told that "(lur
ing the Paraguayan war of lStil-70 it
was observed that the men who had
boon without salt for three months,
when wounded, however slightly, died,
as their wounds would not heal."
Among European nations the con
sumption ranges from nineteen pounds
per head in the case of .Spain and
Portugal to sixty-two pounds per head
in the United Kingdom. Making al
lowance for the quantity used in the
arts, the British consumption is still
as high as forty pounds per head. At
that rate India would require 4,500,000
more tons annually, and, China would
take In a few millions extra also. The
consumption of salt in the United
States is forty-eight pounds per capita,
or second to the United Kingdom,
Canada being third.
A Dcspcrute Mail.
"No, Gladys McGooglc," ho said In
his deep and earnest voice, "life with
out you would be of little use to mo."
"Do you mean that you would take
the suicide route to escape it?" the
fair girl murmured.
"Yes," ■ho answered, "you have
guessed it."
"Revolver or rope?"
"Neither."
'Gas, then, or poison?"
Ho shook his auburn locks and
smiled at her baffled air.
"What, then, would you do?"
"Gladys," ha slowly answered, "If
you refuse my love I will take no
chances of failure. I have determined
to let a malarious mosquito bite me."
That fetched her.—Cleveland Plain-
Dealer.
Collection For Foreign Minsionn,
It is said that Mr. Evarts was onco
going up in the elevator at the State
Department with many applicants for
ministerships and consulships. "Well,"
said he to A friend, "this is the larg
est collection for foreign missions that
has been taken up for a long time."—
The \rgonawL
Fulfillment.
There was a man who worked all uay
And sat up late at nijjht,
And toiled and planned and scacmcq
away .
To gain the dizzy hes-it;
He longed to have the iv-rhfc to s. irul
High o'er the crowd and hear men -ay.
As, looking up, they saw him there;
"How great he is, how grand.
At last, when he was bent, when care
And toil had marred his y, ; ;:c, v. lien
The mold of time was on his hair.
lie stood high up o'er other men
And. listening, heard the passe:*.- -n;.' <t
bay lightly: *YVhat a queer oi l guy.
—Chicago Record-Herald.
Doesn't Work,
"Cheerfulness is riches." (
"Oh, no; if you enn't pay a bill, be
Ins; cheerful about it only ninUos tlio
other man madder." —Detroit Freo I
Press. J>
i
Enccois.
"What Is the key to success?"
"The ability to make people pay."
"Pay for what they get/"
"No; pay for what you tell iheml '
they are getting."—Chicago Post.
Getting; On.
The flood Man—'"Sao, Willie, you're
going to school, arc you? That's nice.
And what have yon learned so far?"
Willie—"To whistle without pucker
ing my mouth." —Chicago itecord-ilcr
ald.
Her Family.
Pbe—"She comes of a grand old
family, I believe?"
lie—"l'es, very! An ancestor of hers
was beheaded in the Tower during
the reign of the fourth Edward."
She—"How perfectly lovely."—Tit.
Bits.
No Surface Accomiillslimont.
Dorothy—"How would you define al
gentleman?"
Katharine—"Well, my idea of a gen
tleman is a man who looks and nets
like a gentleman even when lie isn't
dressed like a gentleman."—Chicago
P.ecord-lierald.
Resenting no Imputation.
Dicky—"l ain't got 110 use fur a kid
wot's too good to till his pockets wit*
apples when a barrel of 'em falls off
a wagon an' busts in do street."
Billy (with indignationi—"l wuzn't
too good. De copper wuz a-watch in*
me!"— Chicago Tribune.
Differences Promptly Disclosed.
"All people," remarked the earnest
citizen, "are born equal."
"Perhaps," answered the deliberate j
friend; "but they don't stay equal any
longer than it takes for their parents
to provide them with clothes and play
things."—Washington Star.
Concerning Industry. .
"Mike," said Plodding Pete, "did you '
know some people says your brain
works till de timcV"
"I don't believe it," answered Mean
dering Mike. "I'd rather do wit'out
sense altogedder dan have such a fool
ish brain."—Washington Star.
The Right Conditions.
Briggs—"They say that if llios were
left alone—that is, if all those that are
born were allowed to live—there would
be nothing else hut flies."
Griggs—"That is, supposing the
earth were nothing In the solar sys
tem but a big railroad restauraut."—
Lii'e.
Concealment.
"You say you are a detective?"
"Yes."
"But ought you not to conceal thai
fact to some degree?"
"1 do."
"How?" , j
"By not detecting anything."—Wash, jf<
lngton Star. '
The Motive.
"Do you write because of inspira- '
tion?" asked the idealistic young wotn
an.
"-N'ot usually," answered the eold
looking man with ink on his lingers.
"As a rule I write because of the ex
piration of the time for which the rent
has been paid."
Significant Philosophy.
"I am afraid Bliggius lias met with
reverses."
"What makes you think so?"
"He goes about with a gloomy look,
saying there Is no such thing as disin
terested friendship. That is almost a
sure sign that a man has been trying
to borrow money."
Two Girls. v
"It ten men should ask you to mar- : '
ry thorn, what would that be?" W"
"What would It be?"
"A tender."
"And if one should ask you, what
would that be?"
"I don't know; what?"
"A wonder."—Life.
Question F.r Question.
"Why do poets wear long hair?"
asked the young woman who is
anxious to learu.
"My dear," auswercd the young
woman who believes there is uo such
thing as modern literature, "If tliey
didn't wear long hair how would we
know tlioy are poets?"
In tile Future.
"Do yea keep an assistant to tlie
cook?"
"Yes."
"And do be the assistant have a
helper?"
"She lias." i i
"And have ycz a kitchen mnlil tot
clean up after the assistant's helper?" ;
"We have."
"Well, I'll give ycz a week's trial." J' <
.-Brooklyn Life. J