ICfISTORIA BM For Infants and Children. CASTHRIA jThe Kind You Have Always Bought simitating the Fowl andßegula- ifl M I UngthcStonMchSahdßowelsof M BG£irS tILG M t Promotes DigeslionCheerfut- |] ness and Rest .Contains neither 9 n W g Opium.Morphine nor Mineral i&l 01 #(\ #\ if NOT KAHC otic. 1 #1 11 .'l/^ /*vr Of m-e O-.UHUU PtTCMta ■ |IAy fionpkiM Smti- ■ llf ■ Mx Strut* * | H 1 Jl j l KU I W&-- Id Jr ' n ; nMk T* || Aperfecl Remedy forConstipa- H| H t Uw U Ron, Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea HI lir Worms .Convulsions .Feverish- HI af !"#•* H H ness and Loss OF SLEEP. M \jH Py V II UR J FacSunile Signature oT |j|l '' 1 Thirty Years IHHQSBUSBEHIM TMt CINTAUA COMPANY. NEW YORK CfTY. TROUBLE IN THE OFFICE. It an Caaßcd liy the Editor'* Co nundrum. "Why is a woman like an umbrella?" asked the exchange editor. "Because she's made of ribs and at tached to a stick," replied the Informa tion editor. "Why Is"— "Wrong. Guess again." "Because she always has to be shut up when"— "Naw! You fatigue me." "Because she stauds In the hall und"— "Naw! It's nothing about standing In the hall." "A woman is like an umbrella be cause nobody ever gets the right one. Why Is" - "Ring off! That isn't the answer ei ther." "It's a better one than you've got." "Don't you reckon I know whether It Is or not? Whose conundrum is this— yours or mine?" "Well, she's like an umbrella be cnuse— It Isn't because she fades with age. is It?" "You ought to be ashamed of your self." "I am. Is it because you have to put up when It's cloudy and threatening— No; that can't be it. Because she's a good thiug to have in the house. Why IK"— "You're not within four counties of It." "Because you can't find any pocket In either. Why is"— "No choice. Vote agaiu." "I won't. A woman isn't like an um brella. There Is not the slightest re semblance. You go on with your work end let me alone." "I knew you couldn't guess it. It's because she's accustomed to reign." Then the Information editor rose in his wrath, and they were only pre vented from doing mischief to each ether by prompt—and wholly unex pected—work on the part of the labor editor.—Chicago Tribune. Prepared to Go. "Now, John," his wife said, gently pressing him back when lie tried to get up. "you must stay in bed today. I've telephoned for the doctor, and lie's coming right over." "All right," lie submissively replied Qg she threw his trousers out of reach, "you'll find my will and the insurance policies and so forth in that little tin box in the third drawer of my desk."— Chicago Times-Ileruld. Ice cold soda at Keipor's. Dyspepsia Cure Digests what you eat. It artificially digests the food and aide Nature in strengthening aud recon* structing the exhausted digestive or guns. It is the latest discovereddigest ant and tonic. No other preparation can approach It in efficiency. It In stantly relieves and permanently cures Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Heartburn, Flatulence, Sour Stomach, Nausea, Sick Headache, Gastralgia.Crampsand all other results of imperfect digestion. Pricesoc. and ti. Lnrsosimcontaini!H time, mall site. Book all abuu i d y spcpsia maliedtrve Prtpartd by E. C. DtWITT A CO' Cb'coge. Grover's City Drug Store. Classic. He—Which do you prefer, Homer or Virgil? Bho—Virgil. He-Why? She—Didn't he begin the ".Enid" with something about arms and the man?— Syracuse Herald. An Artfnl IlrßKar. Miss Believe—Beggars are all frauds. I met a blind man yesterday who said, "Please gimme a penny or two, lovely lady." Miss Behave—Yes. He said that to make you think he was really blind.— Chicago Chronicle. Popular Sou. .."id!.-! 'raliK' " Pill cogo News. Too Noon. "Whnt are the names of that newly married couple next door?" "Oh, we can't find out for a few weeks. They call each other 'Birdie.' " -Mirth. "fc>vr*paper Enjgllak." It is sweet to lieur Professor Loans bury, tb© bead of the English depart ment at Tale, saying a word In behalf of what some of his more pedantic brethren are pleased to call newspaper English. It Is Professor Lounsbury's opinion that while newspaper writing is subject to conditions which tend to impair Its excellence, Inasmuch as lit tle or no time can be allowed for ex amination or revision, it is generally marked by greater perspicuity and en ergy of expression than more labored literary work, and those who write it are as a class far superior to those who set out to be their critics and cen sors.—Boston Herald. Father of England's Civil Service. H. W. Chisholm, who died recently at the age of 93, was the father of the English civil service. lie was appoint ed in 18114 by Lord Grenville to a Junior clerkship in the bill department of the exchequer, In which his father was senior clerk before htm. The office hours in Mr. Chlshohn's early days were 11 to 2. a bright outlook compar ed with the 10 to 5 through which the civil servant has now to suffer euuul. Mr. Chisholm retired in 1877. after 53 years of service. He was tho father of Hugh Chisholm, for some time ed itor of The St. James Gazette and well known in London journalism. Onr Lady of the Snow*. Noting a suggestion that the British colonies be called kingdoms, the Mont real Herald says: "There is not in the world a more democratic community. In Canada we have neither the ap panages of a court nor the survival of a feudal nobility by which to be joined to the past. We have only a growing population of Industrious frecmeu, knowing no castes or classes, and a government that is truly by the people and for the people." Spring coughs aro spocially dangor ous and unless cured at once, serious results often follow. One Minute Cough Cure acts like magic. It is not a com mon mixture but is a high grade remedy. G rover's City drug store. YOUTHS' DEPARTMENT. CkHlirt Brrm In Hata— A Plah That Klnfacn—Barring a Rnaka Alive. Homebody has given na his Idea that we may know a good deal about men's characters by the sort of hats which they wear and the way they put them on. This Is very likely to be true. We might also learn, I dare say. about wo men's characters If we took note of the bonnets which they select, but I am not going to inquire into these. Again, I am sure you can find out signs of a boy's character If you notice how he ar ranges his cap on his head and how he treats it too. I have seen a boy kick ing his cap along a road na he might n football, which did not make me think highly of him. Who la a person of method and or der? Certainly the man who has a hat which sits squarely on his head, not tilting to the right or the left. Such a man you can trust. Yet there Is something to be said for the man whose hat always seems too large for him. He may be a bit cureless, per haps eccentric, yet several great men have worn hats decidedly big. For Instance, Mr. Gladstone's hat often Boomed inclined to come over his enrs. He who tips his hat to one side or the other Is apt to be conceited or else wishes to make himself remarkable. Then It Is supposed that those having hats which Been) always too small for them are mean or narrow minded. He who usually pulls Ills hat over liis eyes Is probably not truthful or be Is suspicious. Such a person seldom takes a cheerful view of people and things around. But the man who usual ly has his hat pushed ofT bis face deserves the kindly regard of his friends. Often he is merry, cheerful, ready to come out with snatches of song, though be whose lint leans to far back over his shoulders Is less to lie admired. He Is eccentric. —Cbat- tertior. A Flih That Pishes. Most remarkable of strange fishes Is the ungler fish, whose very name seems a paradox. The fishing fish is never theless a reality and a stern one to all that approach those awful jaws of his. With a hotly the color of mud, he generally lies In the shadow of some rock on the bottom of the sea waiting motionless for the approach of his prey. He Is provided with an odd kind of fin Just over the mouth, and this Is held out lu front of him to give warn ing of the coming of something to be swallowed. One taken alive was ex perimented on, and it was found thnt if tills projecting fin was touched with a stick, even though the stick did not come near the mouth, the Jaws closed convulsively. This shows that the fin by Rome provlalou of nature closes the Jaw as soon as It is touched. The mouth is tremendous, growing to the width of a foot wheu the whole fish Is only three feet long. One of these anglers was caught not long since, and, although it was only 25 inches long, a fish 15 Inches long was found sticking In Its throat. The an gler is provided with peculiar set teeth In double or treble rows along the Jaws and at the entrance of the throat. Some of these teeth are a foot long. He is not a pretty fish to look at, hut he attends strictly to business and will swallow anything that touches ills warning fin whether it be meant for food or not. All kinds of things have been found In the stomach of unglers from bits of lead and stone to fish al most as large as the angler Itself. Tills is without doubt one of the most peculiar and interesting fish lu the whole ocean. Snrylnß m Snake Alive. It would not seem u very easy thing to bury a snake alive, hilt that Is what a traveler through western Indian Ter ritory saw some prairie dogs doing. The story is told from Forest and 8t ream. The traveler was resting under a tree when he noticed a commotion among some dogs near him. They would run up to a certain apot, peep nt something and tbeu scamper back. Looking more closely, he saw 15 to 20 dogs about a rattlesnake, which presently went into one of the dogs' holes. No sooner had it disappeared thun the little fellows began to push in dirt evidently to fill up the hole. By the time they had pretty well covered the entrance the snake stuck his head up through the dirt, and every dog scam pered off to a safe distance, all the time barking. The snake slowly crawled to another hole about a rod distant and went in. This done, they proceeded to beat the earth down, using tlieir noses to pound It with. When it was quite hard, they went away. The traveler examined their work aud was surprised to find that they had packed the earth in solid with their noses and had sealed the snake Inside. Circle Ganri, There are what are called circle games. In "skip away" the children stand in a circle, holding hands. The player who is "it" runs around the cir cle and tags one of the players. The one tagged runs in the opposite direc tion to the player by whom he was tag ged, aud the player who first reaches the vacant place in the circle wins. "Slap Jack" is played the same way, except that when the two who are run ning meet they must stop and shake hands. "Shake tag in n circle," "drop the handkerchief," "slap catch" and "fox and farmer" ale very much alike. You will waste time If you try to cure indigestion or dyspepsia by starving yourself. That only makes it worse when yon do eat heartily. You always need plenty of good food propnyly digested. Kodol Dyspepsia Cure is the result of years of scientific research for something that would digest not only some elements of food but every kind. And it is the one remedy that will do It. Drover's City drug store. FOIt LITTLE FOLKS. An Elrphnut'a Appetite. Bolivar. the big elephant out at the St. Louis zoo, has an appetite that makes even the ostrich envious. Being strictly a vegetarian, his diet is of course limited to hay and grain, with a few vegetables. The small boy who de ludes himself with the belief that he is affording any gastronomic pleasure to Bolivar by throwing a single peanut into his cavernous mouth would be rather surprised to know that the ele phant regards 150 pounds of food in one day as a rather slim allowance. He would eat 500 pounds if that amount were provided. Iu fact, ho would eat all day and suffer no ill effects. All elephants are gluttons. Those that travel with shows would eat up all the profits were It not for the fact that showmen limit them to about 100 pounds of provender a day. This limit ed allowance seems to keep them in good condition, hut no elephant ever acknowledged he had enough to eat. Boya, Improve Yoar Chnncen. Many boys neglect chances of mental improvement. They do not realize what it is to have an education till they get into a company of boys when some thing comes up for discussion and find that they must sit still instead of tak ing an active part. After an experience of this sort they usually bemoan their fate and say they had no chance to learn. Some boys leave school sooner than they ought to either from choice or compulsion. It is usually the ones who stop from choice that grumble at fate. Wheti a boy stops going to school from choice, the main cause nearly al ways lies in his not being industrious or caring what the future has in store for him.—American Boy. A Tiny Vlollnlat. Maurice A. Warner, a 0-yenr-old boy living in Kansas City, is attracting at tention by playing on the violin. lie begun taking lessons two years ago. When not in the presence of his teach er, the boy plays no better than might be expected of one who had studied music as long as Maurice lias. When his teacher Is with him, however, and looks him in tho eye, the boy can play the most difficult pieces. Some people believe that the teacher hypnotizes tin little pupil and that this is what makes him play so wonderfully nt times. Precept and Rxnmple. "When you find yourself admitting a slang word or phrase into your vocabu lary, young ladles and gentlemen," earnestly exhorted the professor of rhetoric, "cut It out." Bless his old heart! lie thought ho was merely using a striking and ex pressive figure of speech. Chicago Tribune. .Vtmt Like a Policeman. "What's the charge?" asked the judge. "Impersonating an officer," answered the prosecutor. "What was he doing?" "I saw him helping himself to fruit and peanuts from a street vender's stand."—Chicago Post. Independable I'ndcr Clrcumatanceii, Minister (approaching baptismal font) —The eamlldnte for baptism will now be presented. Mother of Intended Candidate (in perturbed whisper to husband)— There! I knew we had forgotten something, Archibald. Bun home quick and fetch tlie baby.—Boston Courier. An Affront to Cupid. "Daughter, what makes you look so serious?" "Well, pa, what would you think of a young man who took advantage of Lent to drop from his customary $1 box of caramels to a 5 cent bag of pea nuts?"— Detroit Free Press. A Miracle. "I see it is maintained by some peo ple that miracles still occur." "So they do. One happened at our bouse last niglit. My wife discovered after It was too late to do any ordering that we didn't have a thing in the way of refreshments around the house, and nobody called."—Chicago Timoe-ller ald. "I have been troubled with indiges tion for ten years, have tried many things and spent much money to nn pur pose until I tried Kodol Dyspepsia Cure. I liavo taken two bottles and gotten more relief front them than all other medicines taken. I feel more like a boy than 1 havo felt in twenty years."— Anderson Klggs, of Sunny Lane. Texas. Thousands have testified as did Mr. Eiggs. Grover's City drug store. ri & ithJ a fffJl & mil m a rrtU a rrtu b inU a FftfftU [sil MCMENAMIN'S -3 pi [a] I Spring Stock | Iff] OF [Bjl I HATS, GAPS, SHOES, 1 PI UNDERWEAR AND 1 FURNISHINGS, § m Latest Plain and Fancy Shirts, Neckwear, Hosiery, Etc., I IS NOW te I Ready for Your Inspection. 1 si We claim to have the most complete prj seasonable lines of the above goods in the town. Our goods are at all times up-to date ralj and our prices are always right. We invite [®jl you to examine our stock. [fj [ffll MOMENAMIN'S | LSlioe ind Cents' Fiirnisbiiig Store. 1 86 South Centre Street. p] rrbUl'trfifa iTfcLiTgJ & jSSmmBSSSSSSS WILL A WK^I SONS \The Cure that Cures 1 p Coughs, k \ Colds, j I) Grippe, fk Whooping Cough, Asthma, J Bronchitis and Incipient A CJ' Consumption, Is mM f <3 The German £ Shttst-VtoA at\& &\aaases. J a\\ ;rits.... 13 Witkes-Barre *\ccoid Is the Best Paper in Northeastern Pennsylvania.... It contains Complete l.ocul, Tele graphic anil (ieneral News. Prints only the News that's fit to Print.... 50 Cents a Month, A DD " E ss, $6 a Year by Mail The l^ccord, or Carriers WILKES-BARRE. P 4 . Ccmdy 0. Boyle, dealer In LIQUOR, WINE, BEER, PORTER, ETC. The tin oat brands of Domestic and Imported Whiskey on mile. Fresh Koehoster and Shen andoah Henr ami Yeuntflirur's Puri r on tap. ilk Centra street M Best Tutm Good. Us® Mi RAILROAD TIMETABLES riKLAWAUK, SCBQCKHANNA AND A SCHI YLKILL KAU.ROAJ). Time tabic in eflect March 10, 1901. Trains leave Drifton for Jeddo, Ecklcy. Hazlc brook, Mock ion. Beaver Meadow Koad, Bonn and !l> zletoii Junction at IX) am, daily except Sunday: and 7 07 a tn, S/llf v ra, Sunday. Trains leave lJritton for Harwood, Cranberry, omhickcn and Demurer at HO u m, daily except Sunday; and 7"7 a in, 2X6 p m. Sun ' fining leave Drlfton for Oneida Junction ' Hsrwood Hoad, Humboldt Knud, Oneida ann heppton at a 110 an, daily except Sun , 'ay; and 707 a in, L' 'M p m. Sunday. i rains leave Ila/ieton Junction forHarwood. rxitburry, Toivhickcn and Deringer at U 36 a u, daily except Sunday; and 8 611 a m, ♦ £2 p m uiiday. Trains leave Hazleton Junction for Oneida 'unction, linrwo'id Koad, Humboldt Road, Riclda and Sheppton ai b W, I) 10 a in, 4 41 p ni, laily <-x<ept Sunuay; and 7 37 a in, 3 11 pm, Sunday Trains leave Dcrinifer lor Tornhleken, Cran berry, H. i wu d. Hazleton Junction and Roan lt " i' tu ' except Sunday; and 37 Trams ;-avt tor Oneida. Humboldt Koad, liarwo'xi hoad, Oneida Junction. Hazic ton Junction u d Uoau at 7llxm, 13 40, 6 p in, laily oxcep. undwy and Kl: an. HO pm, -tijuoay Trains leave -keppton tor Beaver Meadow Koad, Mockto . I.hJc Brock Kcklty, Jeddf and Drifi.ou at . o j. ni. daily, except Sutioav. mdHll m Sunday I rums r>,\ Hi.>.letoi> Junction lor bear*, •leadow -t... kp., I . U/|J l ie k, t.eUey, '■ < ' r.-i m . an. ,h wJ'J • ih hu. ~ !-. . rri , .f, h * rinVct i "an* for • Mii *■-.' r, or LOi"' t t JitWKi vvtirti x,wni,o b.v*. EIIK.ii valley KAii.777Ti7 Ma.cli 17, l01 IKHAAOKMI.XI Or I'AAHKNOXh i RA IRe LEAVE FbBKLAND. 12 a in for Weutherly, Mauch Chunk, Allcntown, hcihleht m. Huston. I'hila dclphiit, New lork and Delano and Potto ville. 40 a in for Sandy Hun, While Haven, Wilkco-Barre, Pittaton and Scrunton. 18 a in for Huzleton, Weatherly. Mauch Chunk. Alleutwn, Bethiebf-ui. Huston, Philudclpbia, New York, Delano and Potiaviilc. J 30 a in for llazlcton, Mahanoy City, Shen andoah, r. Curmel. Shamokin. . 20 pm for Weatherly, Mauch < hunk, Al. lon town, Uctlilcheiu, Eaoton, Philadel phia arid New York. ) 34 { n for Sandy Kun, White Haven. \v i Ikes- Bar re, Scrunton and all point# West. / 29 pi u for Ha/.leton, Delano and Potts ville ARRIVE AT KREELAND. 7 40 n m from Weatherly, I'ottarille and Hazleton. 9 17 nm from Philadelphia, Easton, Rrtble hem, Allcntown. Mauch l hunk, Weath erly, Hazleton, Mahanoy City, Shenan doah, Mt. C'arrnel and Shamokin. 30 a in from Scrunton, Wilkes-Burre and V\ bite Haven. 1 12 P ni from New York, Philadelphia, Huston, Bethlehem, Allcntown, Mauch Chunk and Weatherly. 0 34 P m from New York, Philadelphia, Ens ton. Bethlehem, Allcntown, Potta ville, Shamokin. Mt. Cnrmel, Shenan _ doah. Mahunoy City and Huzleton. 729 P m from Scrunton, Wilkes-Bur re and vV bite Haven. \ff° r t ' u cr inform ßtion inquire of Ticket KOLLIN 11. WlLßUß,General Superintendents JMCortlandt street. New York City. CHAS. S. LEE. General PaHseiifrer Airent, r . Oortlundt Street. New York City. G. J. GILD ROY, Division Superintendent, Huzleton, Pa.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers