Freeland Tribune Established IBSB. PUBLISHED EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY, BY TUB TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY. United OrricE: MAIS STBEET ABOVE CENTBE. FREELAND, PA. SL LSSCLLI I' L LO-N RATES: One Year $1.50 Six Mouths 75 Four Months 5C Two Months 25 The itate which the subscription is paid to is on tne address label of each paper, the change of which to a subsequent date he roines a receipt for remittance. Keep the figures in advance oi the present date. Re port promptly to litis office whenever papef Is not received. Arrearages must be pall When subscription is discontinued. Mate all hum- y orders, checks, eto,,payable lo the Tribune printing Company, Limited. When you are thinking of making a short cut to success remember that there are very few guide-posts ofi' the beaten track. It is an ill wind that blows nobody good, and the Czar's drastic policy in Finland may send us a very industri ous nnd desirable class of immigrants. The wealth of the United States is estimated at one hundred billions of dollars, and yet there are hundreds of thousands of people in the United States who to-day are hungry and cold and ragged and hopeless. The St. Louis Republic says: "If Admiral Lord Beresford is correct m his assertion that tho British navy is as rottenly directed as the British army, then indeed does England need all the alliances she can lay her hands on." One often hears of queer trades, but perhaps the queerest is one which is | controlled in this country by one: man. This is the manufacture of j shuttle eyes. These are made of j porcelain an l require to be very care fully made. The solitary manufac turer has acquired his trade wholly by ihe care with which his product is turned out aud the perfect uniformity of his goods, as a result of which every shuttle eye fits the hole into which its predecessor was inserted. The division of statistics of tho United States Hepartment of Agricul ture has undertaken the publication for wide distribution of lists of free employment offices and other institu tions to which farmers may apply wheu in need of farm laborers. The co operation of many charity organiza tion societies, settlements, colleges, etc., has been secured, and it is hoped thus to facilitate communications be tween tho fanners who want help aud those who are in need of work for the summer mouths or for the entire year. Tho Swiss have no standing army, lint the whole population, from twenty to fifty, is enrolled iu three classes of the militia—the first and youngest for thorough training as recruits; the next for ordinary military service and the last for use in an extremity. The service is short, but the drill is thor ough, aud rifle practice is encouraged in all citizens by Government sub vention of private clubs. There is a permanent general staff and officers are taught in military schools and ap pointed and promoted by severe tests. The State provides arms and equip ment iu all services, which are ample for any emergency, aud of the most modem typo. Tho State of California, now per haps tho closest of the larger States of the country, has seven Representa tives in the Fifty-sixth Congress, but, notwithstanding the evenness of the division between the two parties, six of these Congressmen are Republi cans aud only one is a Bemoerat. Iu the Presidential election of 1890 the con test between the two parties was so close that the electors wero divided, MeKiuley receiving eight votes and Bryan one. Iu the Presidential elec tion of 1892 tho Republican plurality was less tban 150 votes, and so close was the State that Cleveland received eight of tho electors and Harrison one. California divided its electors in 1880 also, when the Bemocratic plurality was only 100 votes. Fnliter .~e,<h-d 1 itrntlnn. A very small girl sat at a table in the middle of the hotel dining room with her father and mother, relates the Washington Post. Father was obvi ously a business man, and he ate as if he had spent all his life in a su tmrban town, where people always eat an the jump and dash off to catch the train with the pastry course in their hands. The child watched with grow ing disfavor the way he made things (ly. At length she turned to her mother. "Mother," she said in her shrill, high, carrying voice, "can't you do something to father to make him stop eating so fast? You spanked me for It." And father's dinner suddenly ebok d him. THE DAY OF BATTLE. i Par I hear the bugle blow To call me where I would not go, And the guns began tho song, "Soldier, fly or stay for long." Comrade, if to turn and fly Made a soldier uever die. Fly I would, for who would not? 'Tis sure no pleasure to be shot. But since the man that runs away Lives to die another day. And cowards' funerals, when they come, Are not wept so well at home. Therefore, though tho best Is bad, Stand and do the best, my lad: Stand and tight and see your slaiu, And take the bullet in your brain. —From "A Shropshire L:ul," A. I£. llous man. DOGOOODOOGGOGGOGOOGGGGGGOO sfjelen Dacy's Lunatic. | Q O (30000330000000000C055000000 f HARMING Helen Bacy went to El gin— not because she was insane, but because she had a second cousin who was. Elgin is a beautiful town, but its street car ser vice is not good, I X i je'j [ and Helen walked IfSrl 111 l V v , u through the vil- I M III' f la S e U P <0 the V [j\, 111 pleasant park with IV t' 11 which the State -JY \, -h- it) has surrounded \\ Vl\ I "t® as y' um for the VV I f insane. It is a _} ) I l r| \ walk of consider able length from Cthe gato of the grounds to the building, and Helen was to encounter a melancholy sight. As she went along the serpentine pnth, a procession caine toward her. There must have been a hundred men in it and they moved slowly and most of them walked with bowed heads. Their feet appeared to press the earth heavily. At first Helen thought it must be a funeral procession, but a moment later she perceived that it was something more distressing. It was the walk of those who had sur vived tlieir own death. In other words, it was a body of insane pa tients, exercising the bodies thai held tlieic perished minds. Helen shrank aside and stood fascinated while they passed her. Some of them looked at her curiously, or with lack luster gaze, or wistfully. A sudden appreciation of her own youth aud health and sanity came uver her, and made her all the more pitiful toward these un fortunates. £ The procession had passed, and she was about resuming her way to the hospital when one of the men quitted the ranks and walked hurriedly toward her. None of the rest looked around. The attendants had not noticed his desertion, and his steps on the sward made no sound. Ho came with a rapid, gliding step toward Helen, showing his teeth in a broad smile. Helen decided that however imperti nent his intentions might be, at least he was in good humor. This was con soling, but it did not keep her hands from turning cold with nervous dread. As he approached he lifted his hat with courtly air. It was evident that the poor wretch had once been a gen tleman, but even the most gentlemanly of lunatics was not a companion to choose, and Helen moved behind a low lilac bush. She felt that she was white and that her eyes were wide stretched, hut she tried not to show her alarm. Confidence, she had always heard, was needed in dealing with the insane. The man moved more cau tiously and fixed an undeviatiug gaze Upon Helen. "Madam," said the man, in a par ticularly quiet voice, "it is a pleasant morning." Something in the words suggested a scene iu Hamlet to Helen, nud she bethought herself of an experiment. She would soon determine whether or not the man had a gleam of reason. "Is it?" she asked, turning her eyes to the sky. "What, indeed, I thought it was raining!" The man had a look iu his face akin to pity. "Perhaps you are right," he replied gently. "It may bo raining. It is not always possible for me to tell except when I see people carrying their umbrellas." "Sensory nerves are quite obtuse," thought Hcleu. "I hnve heard that it is common with degenerates." The man moved a little nearer, and Helen ventured to go still further around the lilac bush. He stopped still, and they faced each other over the iow shrub bery. AVhat au agreeable looking crea ture he was. with liis soft brown eyes, his| long,, lelicate face, and his high brow. He looked as if he might have been intended for a poet. Probably he had been, but had gone one step further. Helen had not read Loin broso for nothing. "Ho you ever write poetry?" she asked with genuine curiosity. The man blushed. Helen had not dreamed a lunatic would blush. "Wheu I fiud a fitting subject," he confessed. "Ah! And what should you con eider a fitting subject?" "Why—-you!" The words eauie out explosively. They did not seomtobe meant for a compliment. The man spoke pathetically. It seemed as if there we-a tears in his eyes. Helen answered as if he were a child: "Ho I seem so sad to you?" she asked. "Hoes it make thetearseome in your eyes to look at me, poor man ?" "Indeed, it does," ho replied quite simply. "I think you are the saddest thing I ever saw." "I wouldn't die for anything," she explained. "I like to live. I find plenty of things to laugh at." Andto convince his wandering wits that this was the truth she broke into a merry laugh, which astonished the melan choly spirit of the place. "If I give you my hand," said the mail kindly, "will you not walk back with me to the house?" To take his hand, to let him got a hold upon her! It was ghastly. He moved toward her. There seemed nothing for it but to run, and run she did, speeding over the soft lawn with a rapidity that astonished liorself. She could hear him calling to her, but she sped on, till, finally, a hysterical impulse, born of her fright and fa tigue, took hold of her. She begau to laugh again, and the musical, half weeping laughter floated behind her as she fled. Then, breathless, she stumbled in a ground mole's tunnel and fell flat. A second later two arms were about her and she was lifte 1 to her feet. She faced the lunatic. They wero of a height, and they stood looking at each other, both of them pale and trembliug, his arm still sup porting her. "Poor child," ho murmured, "how sorry I am that I frightened you. Per haps I ought not to have run after you. But I was afraid you would leave tho grounds and come to some harm." Bhe would have liked to have ex plained to him that one need not come to harm outside of their grounds, but perhaps it was as well that he thought otherwise. She would tell him the truth about herself. Perhaps he would understand. Ah, what a pity that such an engaging face should hide a ruined mind! "You must try to understand," she said, slowly, "that I do not live here in the—the building, you know, I came to visit a relative who is here. It seems a pleasant iflace. Have you been here long?" "My dear young lady!" cried he, '1 am also a visitor. I also came to visit au acquaintance, with whom I was walking a moment siuce. I approached you to ask if you knew when the next train went to town, but when I ad dressed you I judged from your reply that you were oue of the inmates." Helen sank gently down on the grass. "I think I must rest'a moment," she said. "I—l am much surprised!" Her tone indicated something more than surprise. It confessed to a great relief. She paid her visit to the asy lum, and she and Victor Law, her lunatic, went back on the same train together. To both of them the after noon seemed the most interesting of their lives. "Why were there tears in your eyes?" she asked before they parted, "when you talked with me at first?" "Why, it seemed to me that I had never encountered anything so sad as a shattered mind beyond eyes so— please, pardon me—so beautiful as yours. I know lam rude, but I must speak the truth. ]f you had been mad, I should have remembered you with sorrow all the days of my life." "Being saue, I suppose you will forgot me?" But she knew well that he would not give himself the opportunity. She was quite certain that she should see him often. It would have been a grotesque anti-climax not to have met aguin after that afternoon.—Chicago Becord. Kscape of a Ton of Fish. Pacific Fraukey, of Spring Valley, started in the business of fish farming aloug the Illinois Biver early last sum mer. He had been operating a bum boat, but sought to enlarge his income iu other directions. K Fraukey got a largo quantity of wire netting and inclosed a largo area of the river, so that when the water low ered he would have fish to supply by the hundredweight. He had two meu working pretty steadily all summer around that inclosure, and it appeared to be alive with fi3h. The netting was sunk down in the soft mud, and Paci fic waited patiently for tho harvest which lie confidently expected awaited him when the waters receded and fish became scarcer. But his plans turned out some different from what he ex pected. Tho wily carp wanted to get out of that inclosure, and they put their heads together aud planned their escape. They couldn't get over tho wire, but they wcut down into the soft mini aud dug holes under the wire aud through these holes fully 2000 pounds of lish, which Fraukey ex pected to ship to tho New York mar ket at a good price, all escaped into the deep river and weut their way re joicing.—Bureau County (111.) lie publican. Encouraging Ambition. "Yes, we get into county jails oc casionally," said the tramp* "but the trouble is they dou't keep us long enough. A jail is a home-like place, with plenty to eat, no work and good treatment. We are generally sen tenced for three mouths, but after about four weeks the Sheriff picks out three or four of us and says: " 'Now, bovs, them iron bars on that winder is loose and it's goiu' to be a i dark night. Ilev some ambition about you .* | "Au old tramp knows what that ! means, and lie is ten miles away be fore daylight. A tender-foot Aggers fo stay on, and next morning the Sheriff couies iu aud finds him there and says. " 'What, hain't you got no ambi tion! Then I'll give you some!' and he boots him out into the yard and sets him promenadin' around with a log fastened to his leg."—Washington Post. A Poultry Problem. A Somerville man borrowed a neighbor's hen recently ou the pre tense that lie wauted her to set. As soon as lie got the lieu lie broke tip the setting habit and got her to laying eggs. In tho next six weeks slio laid two dozen eggs. These he sold for fcyty cents a dozeu, and with the eighty cents that he got for them he bought tho lieu. Now, the question arises whether the original owner of | the hen was fooled or not.—Somer- I ville Journal.' Kto(eieie)eKKNotefeK3to)eieieieK3(ateio!aiiemK £ NEWS AND NOTES! f. FOR WOMEN. I L'*e For ISrocade Skirts. Old brocade skirts, that are now passe, may be made tilings of beauty by outlining the edges of the figures of tho brocade with tiuy sequins of cut steel or gold. Olive Oil For the Hair. To the well groomed woman the care of her hair is a subject of paramount importance, and every new recipe to prevent it from falling out, to keep it iu the necessary condition of wave, llulliness and generally well cared for appearance is hailed with joy and im mediately tested. Some well meaning persons have sworn by kerosene, aud many easily persuaded women have tried it, only to find themselves a nuisance to the family while the "cure" was iu pro cess, and in the end obliged to aban don its use from the very disagreeable after affects of the treatment.' All authorities on the subject of hair doctoring agree that the natural oil of the hair, judiciously augmented by an artificially applied oil, will be of material benefit in producing luxuri ant, glossy tresses anil prevent the long ends from splitting and the hair from falling out, for the reason that j the roots are properly nourished. Another reason why some good oil should be carefully applied to the roots of the hair is the necessity of keeping the scalp loose from the head, and by this means permitting the na tural oil of the hair to nourish it as nature intended it should. It has been found that the best, purest olive oil, purchased at some reliable grocery or in small quantities from the drug store, has all the medi cinal qualities of kerosene without any of its disagreeable after efiects. Only use very little at a time, dip ping the fingers into a saucer contain ing not moro than half a teaspoouful of the very best oil. Then massage the scalp thoroughly (uot letting the oil touch the long ends of the hair), until it is woiked in so completely that the scalp feels almost dry. This treatment applied once a week, witli a shampoo, the principal in gredient of which is the white of an egg, and then washed with hot water and white castile soap, aud afterward carefully and thoroughly rinsed with hot water once every two weeks, it is said, will prevent tho hair from fall ing out, will keep it Huffy and yet glossy, and those who have tried il say it. is one of the best of the many recipes recommended. The Popularity of Lace. This is a season of lace without doubt, aud lace, it must be confessed, is but another term for extravagauce, beautiful though it is. No costume is complete without tts touch of lace, and the most exquisite gowns of the sea son are those made entirely of the filmy fragile texture. One comfort about it, however, is that any sort of lace may be worn, and almost every woman rejoices in the possession of one or two pieces of handsome lace. One clever girl has converted an heir loom— a queerly shaped, cobwebby bit of exquisite handwork, which for merly served her grandmother as a cap—into a unique decoration for the front of a lilac silk waist. Another girl has two point lace col lars, such as were worn in the sixties. A skillful arrangement of these, fast ened separately in V-shape with pretty stick pins, gives her one evening waist of j)ink silk a really rich ap pearance. Square lace collars, the old-fash ioned kind, are coming in again, aud laco scarf, ties and boleros are seen in profusion. The long coats of Renais sance lace are the acme of extravagant elegance. No matter how expensive au opera wrap or fur cape may bo, they serve a purpose, and oue's con science is soothed with that comfort ing thought, but these lace coats are absolutely useless; they cannot well be kept on over gowns, for, of course, the whole of the beautiful frock must be shown. It is only on the stage that lace coats keep tho wearer warm. Designs in laco for applique trim ming increase in beauty and effect. Silver and gold threads run through the designs now, aud crystal or col ored spangles are frequently intro duced. Tho rose pattern is very popular. One exquisite set consists of large flowers for the skirt and small for tho j waist. The groundwork of the rose is white, with a delicate pink woven in the edges of the petal, and a heart of gold. These were to adorn a gown ol rose pink panne velvet. Butterflies of black lack are very ef fective on a gown of white mousseline do soie, iu a diagonal pattern from rhoulder to waist and wandering about the skirt with apparent simplicity of design. On * black chiflon frock those but terflies are spangled in green, blue and gold. Traulila Anions the Co-Eili. Pioports from Ann Arbor tell of rifts in the coeducational Into iu the Uni versity of Mishigan. The man stu dents and tho girl students do not cherish one another as cordially as fellow-studenta should, but for several years havo tended more and more to Hook apart. The girls don't go much to the games on tho athletic Held, and when they do go are apt to go in squads by themselves, unattended by men. So as to tho concerts of the Choral Union: the girl students go on i their own hook, and the man students make different arrangements. This I estrangement began, according to in | formation given in the Now York Evou- I ing Post, in tho neglect • ' girl stu dents by the men who manage the university hops. There were girls at the hops, bat almost all of them came from out of town, and were not coedu cational girls at all. The co-cds felt slighted, not unnaturally. Then there came certain clashes regarding rights. The boarding house peoplo charged the same rate for women as for men, but exacted of the girls that they should take care of their own rooms, whereas the men's beds were made for them. When the girls said that was not businesslike the men stood by thd landladies. Then the girls started au opposition to smoking about the col lege buildings, and the men said that the girls had no nollcge spirit; aud so it has gone, until apparently the men would as lief there were no girls in the university, and the girls feel that they could get on just as well if all the men were dropped. This is an interesting development. It will seem to some readers that a measure of estrangement between these young people is not wholly to be regretted. In the East, where mixed colleges are not so common as in the West, we are used to think that the danger of them is that the men and the girls will he too much interested in one another, rather than too little, and suffer from mental dis tractions in consequence. If we are right, the present condition at Ann Arbor is ideal, except in so far as there is danger of a revulsion of feeling, fol lowed by a season of intimacy all the more intense because of the period of aloofness which has preceded it.— ! Harper's Weekly. Feminine Chit-Clint. The first police matron in Texas was lately appointed at San Antonio. Ninety per cent, of American wom en spend less than S3O a year in cloth ing. Among the professional women hos pital nurses, it is said, head the lis! of marrying women. Miss Helen Gould has presented the sum of SSOOO to the Sheldon Jack sou College in Salt Lake, Utah. The wife of Colonel Pilcher, who beat the Boers at Sunuyside, is a sis ter of Maud Gonne, the so-called Irish Joan of Arc. One Now York woman lias obtained a verdict of SSOOO against another New York woman for showing the lat ter how to behave in society. At a recent reception in New York City Mrs. Henry Hnvemeyer had for decorations for one room two hundred dozen roses which wero bought at S3O a dozen. Queen Victoria lias expressed her willingness to act as patroness of the Canadian Patriotic Fund Association for the Canadian soldiers invalided in the war in South Africa. The faculty of Missouri University has among its plans for the near fu ture the establishment of cooking, sewing and housekeeping departments for the women students. A woman has just been re-elected i to the position of cashier in a national j bank at Huntington, Ind. She is said to bo the only woman tilling this posi tion in a national bank in the United ' States. Mr. Albert Fisher, of Fishervillo (Grafton), Mass., has caused to be erected in the village a beautiful foun tain, sixteen feet high, for horses, dogs, cats and people. It is sur mounted with an electric light. At a meeting of tho Genesee Chap ter, Daughters of the American Devo lution, of Flint, Mich., a resolution was passed to urge the authorities of the publio library to have it kept open one night in the week for the use of working girls. There is one woman who holds au j unusual position in the banking world. Mrs. Evelyn S. Tome, of Port De- I posit. Md., was recently elected Pres ideut of the First National Bank of j Eikton and the Cecil National Bauk of Port Deposit. Miss Melesin K. Sowles.who is only j sixteen, is probably the youngest | woman preacher in the world. Since j Juno last she has been preaching in tho Baptist Church, lloucy Creek, Wis. She speaks with great simplic ity and earnestness. Miss Marie Herndl lias tr.kon up i [ somewhat novel profession, that ol ! paiuting immense cathedral windows j after the fashion of the German school, j Tho work has been greatly in demand | for the last live years, aud Miss Ilerudl | has tilled many orders for tho Amer ican as well as the German churches. 1! lonnl it g* From the Shop*. Neck scarfs of printed panne to be worn beneath the coat collar. Girls' princess goivnn of velvet showing appliques of real Cluny lace. Broad assortments of real lace hand kerchiefs aud collars of tho most ex pensive types. Faucy boas made of laco or net, jabots, collarettes and ostrich boas in great abundance. Stock collars of folded chiffon with long scarf ends edged with chenille friuge attached. Children's cuter garments in a com plete range of jackets, reefers, gret cheus aud long coats. Ermine toques trimmed with blaek j tulle, jewelled buckles and long sweeps or paradise aigrettes. Black or white silk chenille fringe ■ in Vandyke point effects with taste- j fully knotted headings. Fine linen handkerchiefs with round i or Vandyok corners trimmed with j Valenciennes or Meehliu lace. Gloves in great abundance for I men's, women's and children's wear, I including staples and fancy shades ; and styles. Exquisite black lacos having tho j principal portions of thoir patterns I outlined with gold tinsel or vari- | colored jpaileltes.—Dy Goods Ecouo- ! mist. * i 5 SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. " 1 Since tbo new Tower Bridge, Lon -1 don, has been built, the old Thames " subway has fallen into disuse. It has been suggested that it be used for i growing mushrooms. It would be au j ideal spot for their growth. • i One eminent medical authority de r clnres that influenza undermines the • nervous system to a greater extent than almost any other disease, leaving all kinds ofuervous maladies, even in -1 sauity, as its dregs. He estimates | that a severe epidemic oJf influenza reduces the nerve energy of the eouu -5 try by nearly twenty per cent. t ; A French naturalist, Domingos i Freire, finds that on cultivation in ; suitable media several well-known I pathogenic bacteria can be developed | from the authors and stigmas of sev . : eral species of flowers. Moreover, he k found that several species of microbes, i termed osmogeus, reproduce the odors of the flowers in which they occur. i TA new species of mountain railroad has been devised in Germany. It con i sists of an electrically worked rope railway, the railway being iu sections, the cars being suspended on rollers. As it is not considered safe to allow a ! greater distance than 1000 feet between j the supports, intermediate stations i arc necessary, the passengers chang ' lug from the first to the second sec i I tion and so on until the journey is j completed. About seven minutes are | occupied in traversing each of the 4000-foot sections. An electrolytic method of sharpen* i | ing files has recently been devised, in which the cutting edges off the files ; are restored by dissolving of electro lytically a thin and even film of steel. A number of experiments with various ! electrolytes aud current densities have been made, and the results were care fully recorded photographically aud otherwise. Among the electrolytes used were cyauideof potassium, ferric chloride, ferric sulphate and solutions of sulphuric acid of different strengths, i The best results were obtained with a solution of ferric chloride and using ' high current densities. i It curious that when China is just I on ihe eve of introducing Western ! methods of engiueeriug she should i threaten to demolish the greatest eu- I gineering work she posjesses; that is ! to sav, the Great Wall, erected 200 years B. C. for the purpose of keeping back the Tartars. It is stated that an American eugiueer is en route to China in behalf of a Chicago syndicate which is expected to take a share in the contract to be giveu out by the \ Chinese Government for the demoli- 1 tion of the wall. The Engineer states lhat one French, two British, and three German firms are also bidding for the work, payment for which is to be in the way of rich concessions. She Bought Him Oft. "It's one pair for three cents or two j for five, you know," said the shoe string faker, "aud the profits are so j small that but for an occasional bit of i | luck I'd bo bard put for three meals ; a day Just now, however, I'm not 1 worrying over the next three weeks. The other day a motherly-looking old lady bought two pairs of strings from me, and then asked about my sales | and profits. When I gave her straight good she said: " 'Young man, are you ever tempted to crime?' "'Yes'm, I am,' nays I. 44 'But you always resist the ternpia* 1 tiou?' 44 'I always have, but I can't promise . for the future. I'm getting tired of i ! this shoe-string business.' 44 'Do you think you might turn ! j burglar?' 41 4 I do, ma'atu. That's what I shall | j go into if I make a change.' 4 4 4 Ho\v soon might you become a j i burglar?' 3he asked after looking me \ j over. 44 'I may begin to-night,' says I. i 44 'Look here.' says she in a whisper, j 'l'm mortally afraid of burglars, I'm going to California with my daughter [ in about two weeks, aud I'll tell you I what I'll do. If you will not turn I burglar for a fortnight I'll give you : 44 'lt's a very small sum, ma'am, bul j ! being it's you I'll strike hands oil it ' ! aud keep my word.' "Aud she outs with a five," laughed j ) the faker, "and handed it over, and I if you hear of any burglaries within i the next few days, you can be sure I | didn't have a hand in the business. I I'll wait till the old lady gets on the • other side of the United States.''— j j Wushiugton Post. A Delnyoil Wedding Fee, j It is easy to sympathize with a cer* j I tain Yorkshire clergyman who, after I ! pronouncing a couple man ami wife, I j was asked by the groom what the t charge was. The parson, according to Spare Mo ments, told him that there was no fixed charges in such matters, but ■ that he might give what ho thought proper. "Parsou," said the young man, "I I have five greyhound pups at home. I I ask a sovereign apiece for them, but i I'll let you have one for half a sow" The clergyman protested that ho I could not accept a fee of such a ! character. It Mould be quite inipos j Bible. I The bride and groom went home, 1 and the marriage must have turned | out very happily, for before a month was over the parson received a crate containing a line greyhound pup, ac companied by a note from John, say ing that Marie had proved such a : treasure that be was glad to give the j dog for nothing. The North Carolina penitentiary ] was self-supporting last year, and re* ; turned to the State $50,000 borrowed i during the year. HER REJOICING. Bhe said, "I had ? 'ch a tlruo with Jack For three long J irs and over! Though no one kn- 'v it, the boy had been My dally persistent lo*er. "Ho followed me here, he tracked me there; Though I did not, at all, dislike him, Ho bored mo to death; —You know wbal men are; But that tbcught never seemed to strike him. "I refused him n dozen times, poor boy! And now he writes, (did you ever!) To say he's engaged, and the happiest man, And she is 'so awfully clover!'" Said the Innocent listener, "You, no doubt, Are rejoiced. I am sure the release in—" "Rejoiced? I would like to tear that giil i lu a thousand million pieces!" —Madeline S. Bridges, in Puck. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Lay up something for a rainy day, j but do not be so foolish as to invest ! all your money in umbrellas.—El ; liott's Magazine. "Did you say the man was shot in the woods, doctor?" "No, I didn't; I said lie was shot in the lumbar re gion."—Yonkers Statesman. The Little Man—"You have stolen my thunder!" The Great Man— "Yes; but it was very distant thun der until after I took it."—Puck. "There's no place like homo," she warbled, As u singer she wasn't a bird; The audience agreed with her, it seems, And went hoiue without n word. —Chicago Record. Restaurant Patron (musingly, as ho rises to go)—"Chauge is written on all things." Waiter (looking at palm of baud)—"l don't see it."—Boston Courier. • "What is a hand-writing expert, Cousin Jule?" "Oh, he's a man who can read other people's writing when he cau't read his own."—lndianapolis Journal. Daughter—"Would you object to my marrying without your consent?" Rich Father (significantly)—" Not at ail. I'd save money by it."—Phila delphia Record. Jlogau—"Do you belave in dreams, Mike?" Dugan—"Faith an' I do! Lasht night I dremt I wur awake, an' in the mornin' me dream kem thrue." Princeton Tiger. "Dorothy," said the mistress of the ; establishment, happening in just as I the gardener went out, 44 who is that I man?" "Only a hoe beau, ma'am," I replied the kitchen maid, blushing ' rosily. | "Yes," said the returned volunteer, j "wo were often forced to skirt our native town during a drenching rain." j "Sort of a rainy day skirt," giggled the girl who shops without au um brella.—Chicago News. "Remember," said the master, "that when I was a boy I wouldn't even pass a pin without picking it up." "It's the first time I kuew you went barefooted," shouted a boy with the dunce's cap on iu the corner.— Stray Stories. Inquiring Child—"Father, there's a lot in this book about Othello. Who was Othello?" Father—"Othello! Why, bless me, my boy, do you mean to toll me you go to Sunday-school and don't know a simple thing like | that? I'm ashamed of you!"— Ti t 44 Who is your favorite author?" in quired the young woman who is col lecting autographs. "I don't know what his name is," replied Agniualdo; "but the mau who wrote 'Ho who fights aud runs away may live to fight auother day' certainly knew ki3 busi ness."—Washington Star. Oltl Lu<l/ Could Not Bo Fooled. Miss Elizabeth Alden Curtis, the talented niece of United States Attor ney-General Griggs, aud one of the latest versifiers of the Rubaiyat, has a penchant for scientific pursuits, and takes great pleasure iu mountain climbing, forest-searching aud geolo gizing. Last summer while rusticating at Lake George she went walking with a party of friends, chiefly college men and women, and came across some ol the beautiful minerals which abound in that district. They picked out a number of specimens which they car ried back to the hotel. Hero they exhibited their treasure-trove to tho other guests, more especially a piece of rose quartz iu which were inary flakes of plumbago. Miss Curtis, aftet explaining, left the veranda, giving the quartz to a bcnevoleut-lookiug, spectacled old lady. She had scarcely departed when the latter, who had been scratching the specimen with hex scissors, broke out: "The girl is either fooling us ot else she is crazy. Plumbago, indeed' It is nothing but an old stone witt some black pencil lead in it.—Phila delphia Saturday Evening Post. A Judge ill TeurH. The unusual spectacle of a judge in tears was witnessed at Cardiff, Wales, when Mr. Justico Bnoknill pro nounced the capital sentence for the first time in his judicial career. Tho sentence was on a woman, and the Judge, whose voice was very shaky from the first words of the sentence, entirely broke down at the end and burst iuto tears. The scene, espec ially after the pathetic appeal of the prisoner for mercy for the sake of her children, was almost without parallel in the annals of trials. Even the leading counsel were obliged to use little subterfuges to hide their emo tion. —Tit-Bits. The Worst Crime. Iu senteucing a prisoner to be hanged for the murder of a soldier, Lork Eskgrcve dilated upon tho crime as follows: "And not only did you murder him,whereby lie was bereaved of his life,but you did thrust,or push, or pierce, or project, or propel the lethal weapon through the bellyband of his regimental breeches, which were his majesty's!"— Argonaut.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers