Freeland Tribune Established 1888. PUBLISHED EVKRY MONDAY AND THURSDAY. xIY THE TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY. Limited Office: Mai* Sthekt Above Ckntbe. FITEELAND, PA. SUBSCRIPTION RATES: One Year $1.50 Six Months 75 Four Monihs 50 Two Mouths 25 The date which the subscription is paid tu Is on tne address label of each paper, the change of which to u subsequent date be comes a receipt for remittance. Keep the figures in advance of the present date. Re port promptly to this oflice whenever paper is not received. Arrearages must be paid when subscription is discontinued. Mah e all nu n< y orders, checks, etc,,payable to the Tribun Printmj Company, Limited. If this country continues to drain Europe of its surplus gold much longer, as it seems likely to do, the result must bo to make New York in stead of London the most powerful financial centre ill the world-the centre of the world's surplus of capi tal and credits, predicts an English expert. Germany is about to wholly re form her consular service, now orga nized on linos suited to the needs of the nation when Germauy was an agricultural state, without colonics and without any export trade to speak of--a sydem wholly inadequate to the demands of a modern, progressive and manufacturing country. With all our devotion to hurry, there should be a long pause before slow transit of the canal is given up. Where these channels are owned by the state they are an important check upon railroad rates for carrying certain bulky materials. A turbine system gaining its power from a trolley wire gives hope, too, of greater speed with a minimum of bank-washing. An over head cable is also a promising possi bility. The fact that Missouri is building up a big trade in poultry in Hawaii, I having lately couti acted to send! 200,000 live chickens there, is full of! suggestion to small tanners. Chickens I thrive in Hawaii, but the pe jple there ; do not care enough about bothering with them to go into the business on a lurge scale. As a result both eggs ! and poultry are dear. The opening j in all the is'auds for chicken ranches | is one that is bound to attract atten tion among the class that wants to | find use in Hawaii for small capital i and hubits of outdoor industry. A writer to the New York Sun says in a recent visit to Loudou he counted nearly 200 workmen's clubs with an I average membership of 000 each. , They are managed and owned abso lutely by working men, who elect ! their own officers, pay every dollar of j the club's expenses, and at least some- \ times, at the end of the year have a snug balance in the treasury—the "balance sheet" of one of these clubs | for the last financial year shows a surplus of over S2OOO. Each of these clubs is as independent and self-re specting as the "I*liion League" or , the "Manhattan." The automobile is the machine to j watch. It iias reached a stage in the | process of evolution which renders it ' decidedly interesting, and which ex- ] cites our curiosity and also the spirit of prophecy. It is rut her crude at present and a bit difficult to handle, an I, moreover, there is an element of insecurity abmt it which furnishes just enough of danger to stir the blood. At times it is gentle as a lamb, and then again it resembles the mule, especially the two hind legs thereof. What you want it to do, it do ;s not; what you want it not to do, it does. But it is being tamed, and utter a few improvements have been made it will be docile and obedient. Some figures have receutly been compiled showing the amount of sugar consumed per capita by the different countries of the globe. These figures are based upon official returns made within the past few years. Given in proper order the list reads as follows: England,9l.3l pounds; United States, 59.30 pounds; France, 31.02 pounds; Germany, 30.22 pounds; Austria, 17.84 pounds; Russia, 12.01 pounds; Turkey, 7.08 pounds and Italy, 0.28. Since sugar is one of the luxuries of life, it will be observe 1 that in those countries where wealth most abounds sugar is consume 1 iu greatest quanti ties. In the Unite 1 States 4,400,000,- 000 pounds of sugar are consumed an nually. This at the rate of 50.30 pounds per capita. Of the total amount of sugar thus consumed, 1,446,243,000 pounds are produced in the United States and in the colonies, while 2,053,757,000 pounds are imported from other countries. SEPARATION. There be many kinds o! partlQg—yos, I know, Some with fond grieving evea thnt overflow, Some with brave hands that strengthen as they go; Ah, yes, I know, I know. But there bo partings harder still to tell, That fall In silence like an evil spell. Without one wistful message of furewell— Ah yes, too hard to tell. There is no claiming of one sacred kiss, One token for the days when life shall mls9 A spirit from the world of vanished bliss; Ah no, not even this. —Martha Gilbert Dickinson, in "Within the Hedge." [ A SPRIG OF ROSEMARY.I < I 5 BY JULIA SCHAYER. ? It was at the corner of Blank street I and Broadway. An old womau was standing on the curb looking uncer- , tainly about her —now at ihe endless chain of street cars, now into the faces of the passers-by. She was a countrified old woman, stout aud , plain, yet with such goodness iu her face, such simplicity, such all-em bracing humau kindness, as to make it, for eyes that really see, lovely to j look upon. It was a hot mi nine afternoon, and she was too warmly ciad iu dark, | homely garments. Near her feet on the curbstone was a large enamel- ' stone satchel, with a robust cotton umbrella strapped to it. On her left arm hung a good-sized basket filled i with growing plants-old-fashioned things seldom seen outside of farm house gardens. With her right hand | incased in a gray cotton glove, she ' was fanning her heated face with a corner of her black shawl. Her pleas ant gray eyes wandered from faco to face of the hurrying throng,as if seek ing symj athy, but few gave her even a casual glance, aud of those few only now and then one gave her a second look lit up with momentary curiosity or amusement. The woman was so obviously out of place!—as much so as an apple tree or a clump of cinnamon roses would have been. The guileless wistfulness of her bright old eyes pierced the hard crust of worldliness and conventionality I and <rept into their hearts, and more j than one was moved to ask the strang er if she needed help or information, I but the little crevice closed quickly; j aud they passed on. Only the look | remained imprisoned in their bosoms, j aud they recalled that day things they ' had not thought of for many a year. ; The woman had arrived on a noon j train, expecting her nephew, William j Henry Earner, to meet her at the sta- I tion. She had waited a long time for | him; then, thinking her letter had ! miscarried, she decided to go to his house up town. She had beeu there before and knew how t > reach it, but she was timid about going alone. William Henry was her only brother's child and had grown up on a ; farm. He was a smart hoy aud bad ; grown up into a smart man. He was ! a prosperous provision dealer in New i York now, married to a nice girl from ; his own township, and living comfort- i ably in his own house out Harlem j way. Whenever there arose a domes- ! tic emergency in his family—and ihey ; arose with astonishing frequency— Aunt Abbv came on to nurse William Henry's wife. For that matter they would have liked to keep her with them all the time, but Aunt Abby > would uot leave her home—the home I of her humble farming ancestors for several generations. She was essen tially of the soil, a country woman in every flbjr of her being. The city i was to her a monster, splendid, but ! full of terror, whose glittering scales pained her eyes, whose incessant I roar hurt her ears, accustomed to the : quiet fields and woods. Not for i worlds would she live in the city. 1 But she dearly loved William i Henry and Lucilla and the children, and was glad to come and stay with them in emergencies like the one pending. Lucilla was a country girl, too, and loved the old place,and when Aunt Abby came in she always brought with her something from her old home. This time it was some plants for Lu cilla' h window-garden from the place where William Henry's folks used to j live. She had left a good deal of soil about the roots, and that made the . basket very heavy. Her arm ached sorely, but she would not set tlie basket down for fear some one might tread on it or steal it when she was not looking, and she kept a sharp eye | also oh the black sa 4 chel. Aunt Abby , read the | apers, and her opinion of ! New York morals was not high, j She began to feel very tired, and wished William Henry had nor missed i her. and wondered how she happened : to leave her palm leaf fan on the train, j "I'm gettin' all bet up!" she said to , herself, wearily. J She had thought that she knew j just which kind of a car to take to get to her nephew's house, but they came : along so fast and looked so much alike that she was getting doubtful, j She was morally certain that, once on j the wrong car, her doom was sealed, i There was no knowing to what dread ful den she lnighi bo lured.l oblied aud murdered, and no one would ever know what became of her. She had read of numbers of people disappear ing mysteriously that way. So she let car after car pass until she could feel (piite, quite sure. When she ha I been standing there some time in the hot snu a handsome coupe stopped near her, and an old gentleman stepped out. He was a fiue looking old gentleman indeed, clean-shaven, rosy and somewhat pompons. His hair was silver white, aud so were the heavy brows under There Is no rising ere the birds have sung Their skyward songs, to journey with the sun— Nor folded hands to show that life is done, Ah no, for life is young. There are no 9eas,no mountains rising wide, No centuries of absence to divide- Just soul space, standing daily side by side; Ah, wiser to have died ! Hands still clasp hands, eyes still reflect their own; Yet had one over universes flown. So far each heart bath from the other grown, Alone were les9 alone. which were eyes as hard and bright as polished steel; his mouth was the mouth of a man who loved pomp and pleasure, but it was not altogether a cruel mouth. As he stepped on to the curb he noticed the woman stand ing there with her basket of country plants, looking vaguely about her, \ and fanning herself wearily with the j black shawl. He had a quick sense of the pic turesque, this smooth-shaven old gen- 1 tleman, and he was one of the few [ who looked a second time. His eyes softened a little, too. It was as if a breath of clover fields and orchards had been wafted to him by that bit of black shawl in the cotton-gloved hand. Some one in passing had broken off a spray from one of the plants, and it lay wilting on the hot curbstone. The gentleman stooped, picked it up and carried it into his office in the great stone building on the corner. When he was seated at his desk it was still in his hand. He looked at it curious- I ly. It had large, oval, dull green j leaves, delicately serrated; a pungent, wholesome odor rose from it, prevail ing over the other odors in the room —odors of Russia leather, of tobacco and of the street. The gentleman inhaled its fragrance long and deeply. "What is it?" he asked himself. "I seem to remember—ah, yes! I have it. It is—rosemary! Yes. That's what it is. Rosemary!" The steely eyes softened still mote, and fixed themselves like those of one hypnotized. The full, proud mouth grew tender. "There was a clump of rosemary in mother's garden," so ran his thoughts, "and near it was a great mat of clove-pinks. They bloomed in June. 1 cnu smell them now. There was a huge bush of southernwood j there, too, and some tawny lilies, and spiderwort, and monk's-hood, and striped grass. Strange how the old names come back to me! The lilac bushes in the corner were like trees ; to me iu those days. I used to sit | under them aud play at matching I blades of grass with sister Mary, and | wonder why her hands were so white, J and why mother never let her work j hard, i know now. She faded away aud died, and theie was only me loft. I remember those Sundays in slim mer when I was not allowed to play or run about. How long they were and how hot! Like today, but with such a difference! Mother always had u spray of rosemary and a piuk folded in her handkerchief when we started for the meeting-house, and some caraway-seed in her pocket, wki h she gave me now and then dur ing the service when she saw I was almo-t asleep. I taste them now, and smell the rosemary and the pinks, and ; the pine odors coming in at the open window, and the varnish on the pews, all miugled together. And I hear the creaking of the women's fans, and the horses whinnying under the shed be hind the meeting-house, and the min ister's droning voice—how it all comes buck to me! "And Abby—Abby Grover her folks' pew was across from ours, and 1 used to try my best to make her laugh in meeting, but I don't think I ever succeeded. She was a nice girl, Abby was. Not pretty,lmt with some thing about her that was better than beauty. And her eyes and hair were really lovely, I remember. "Abby generally wore a sprig of rosemary pinned to her dress when I went over to see her Sunday nights iu summer. That was after we grew up. We used to sit on the orchard wall and talk until the whippnorwills began crying, and Abby's mother would come to the door and say tiie dew was falling and she guessed we better come in. "1 fancy I did most of the talking, though, for Abby was one of your si lent, deep sort. I told her all my plans for getting away from' the farm a,id making mv fortune in the city. And she would listen patiently,though I must have boon a terrible bore, and look at me with her nice, clear eyes, and say, 'How ambitious you are, Joey!' Joey! Fancy anyone calling me 'Joey' now! "And how proud she was of mo when I began to get on in the world —and she helped me, too, Abby did. She lent me her little savings from school teaching, aud later on when the farm came to her, she raised money on that to start me in business. Ls there anything a woman will not do for the man she loves?" At this point the color deepened on the old gentleman's forehead, aud a deep breath like a sigh expanded his glistening shirt front. "Of course I paid her back every dollar with interest," went on his thoughts, "and I meant to keep my promise of marriage, too, It was Abby herself who broke the engage ment, when she found out that I loved another girl better. It was the right thing to do, certainly, and Abby al ways did the right thing. She did not eeem to take it much to heart, either; 1 but she never married. At least, I never heard that she did. It is 25 years or more since I saw the old place. There was nothing to draw me there after the old folks died. I wonder—l wonder what became of Abbyl Dead, probably. She would be an old woman if Bhe were living; not so very old either. She was two years younger than I, aud I am not yet turned 05 - " A clerk came in and laid a telegram ou the desk. The old gentlemau took it. The steely look came back to his eyes. The old woman in the blac; shawl was still standing on the street cor ner. She looked tired and anxious, and the plants in the basket had wilted sadly. The cars looked more alike than ever, and she did not dare to stop one. A policeman ou the other corner had scowled at her unpleasant ly two or three times, and Aunt Abby felt almost ready to drop, what with the heat and the fatigue and the dread that the policeman might speak to her, and she be hopelessly disgraced there by. Suddenly her face broke into a de lighted smile. A ruddy, youngish man came hurrying up to her. "Wall, there!" exclaimed Aunt Abby, as he shook hands with her and kissed her,aud began asking questions and auswering them all in the same breath. "W all, there, now, William Henry, if that don't bent all!" Then she told how she had waited in the station and then on the street corner, until she was "all het up," aud had left her palm-leaf fan ou the train, and wondered if the plants would come up again, uud asked how Lucilln was, etc., etc. Meantime the man had picked up the black satchel aud the basket, and bustled Aunt Abby good-naturedly iuto the car, aud the two were gone. And the sprig of rosemary lay for gotten on the floor under the old gen tleman's feet.—Waverly. QUAINT AND CURIOUS. Artificial legs and arms are now so perfect that with them a man can walk, skate and even cycle. There is a story also of a man who, injuring liia sphie in a railway accident, was fitted with a steel casiug for his back bone, and so enabled to walk aud ride. The most expensive biok ever pub lished is the official history of the civil war, which is uow being issued by the United States government, at a cost up to date of $2,800,000. Of this amount nearly one-half has been paid for printing aud binding, the remainder to be accounted for in sala ries, rent, stationery, and miscellane ous expeuses, including the purchase of records from private individuals. It has taken ten years to complete this work, which consists of 112 vol umes. There is a famous restaurant in the town of Robinson Crusoe near Paris I where rustic diuing-huts are built far j up ou the limbs of each tree. For 50 years or more men and women have made excursions to this place and j eaten in the trees like squirrels. One of the trees is three-storied, the din- | ing rooms and kitchens being con- j neoted by stairways. A waiter is stutioned on each floor aud the food huuled up to him by means of a bas ket aud rope. It is a uovel experi- ! ence to be eating away above the world in this fushion. Kent county, Md., has a peach tree that is believed by State Entomologist W. (t. Johnson to be the largest tree in the United States. The tree is on the farm of Allen Harris, on Eastern Neck Island, and is of the Crawford variety. It has a full crop of peaches this year, aud has never failed to bear a crop since it began growing. It measures (57 inches in circumference and 22 iuches in diameter. Three of the limbs are 22 iuches, 29 inches and 80 inches in circumference, respect ively. It is seldom thut the large trees are the best bearers, but the case of this Maryland giant proves to be an exception. Omaha lins a man who has worn a woman's dress for twelve years. This is Mr. Henry Snell, and his home is a little cottage, surrounded with great tall cotton wood trees. A woman's dress is the only costume Mr. Snell I can wear with any comfort. Five times in his life he has been overcome by heat. Added to this, he has a se vere cane of rheumatism, which,added to Blight's disease, makes life misera ble for him. To wear trousers but toned up tight around the waist, and to put on the tightly fitting coat and vest, would be more than he could stand. So twelve years ago he donned woman's attire and has worn it ever since. His outside gown is made on the principle of the hygienic one piece gowns worn by dress reformers. How llor*et Are Kleacheil. One of the most interesting and uovel schemes that is resorted to when it comes to "doctoring" up a horse for sale is "peroxiding." Horses just suitable for carriage work, save that they do not quite match in color, are now " he ideally blundered" to the tint desired in the t winkling of an eye. A "peroxided horse" shows what has been done to him soon after his new owner takes him away, and frequently he lias to be "touch d up." This bleaching does not injure the horses any more thau it does the average girl; hut the chemically tinted coat seldom looks weU when closely examined, the dark roots of the hair showing on careful inspection. Yet it deceives the average buyer, and so answers its purpose.—London Sport. PARABLE OF TRUSTS. HOW THE GREAT MONSTERS ROB YOU. The Son and Air About All That Ar Now Loft to the Feoplo—Overproduction and Underconsumption—The Hanna* and RockfeUers Mightier than Klnga. Now, In the days when the people had chosen a new king over the Amer- Icanltes, and men stood upon the walls of the cities and cried aloud for "sound money," there came a great overpro duction upon the land of America. And the overproduction was of such exceed ing dimensions that all men were taken with It. And because of the great overproduction many men hungered and thirsted, and there were those who had not raiment with which to cover themselves, and there were those who wore bare feet because that there was an overproduction of sandals. And the peopre found much fault with the overproduction, and they gathered themselves together and cried one to another: "Behold, here am I. I have not food, yet there Is an over production of food." And the wise men of the party answered and said unto them: "Verily, this is because of thy under consumption." And the people were amazed and departed each into his own hovel, saying, "Verily, the Re publican party doth live." Now, it came to pass that there was a certain rich man, who had great wealth and precious stones and pos sessed many slaves, even unto those whose votes and influence In legisla tures he had purchased. And that man's name was called Rockefeller, because he was possessed of much rocks. And he came unto the wise men of the legislature, saying: "Be hold, there Is a great overproduction on In the land and the people are cry ing against it. I will relieve them of the burden by taking unto myself the oils, that they may not cause an over production and burden the people." And the wise men of the legislative halls had much joy and cried aloud, saying: "Oil hail, Rockefeller, for In him do we put our trust." And the people, hearing the loud rejoicing, caught up the words and cried: "Trust, trust!" And henceforth was Rocke feller known as "Trust." And It came to pass that Rockefeller waxed mighty and fat. And he took the oil of the country and stored It In tanks that there wae no overproduc tion. And those of the people who failed to give over their oil were cast Into prison and their oils were taken. And when the oils had been taken the men who had gathered oil were idle and were sent to hunt for other labor. But there came upon the land a great overproduction of coal. And so great was the overproduction that few men had fuel for their fires. So there came a good Samaritan out of the wilder ness, crying: "Behold, I come to re lieve you of your overproduction of coal. As my brother Rockefeller has done, so will I do likewise.". And he bought up many wise men of the leg islatures and went about and gathered together all the coal into his bins and warehouses. And the people and those who sat in the market places again took up the cry, saying, "Trust, trust!" And there came men from every land seeking to relieve the overproduction, for the glad tidings had spread abroad. And the coal trust begat tho railroad trust, and the railroad trust begat the steel trust, and the steel trust begat the gas trust, and the gas trust begat the sugar trust, and the sugar trust begat the tobacco trust, and the tobac co trust begat the whisky trust, and the whiskey trust begat the electrical trust, and the electrical trust begat the telephone trust, and the telephone trust begat the paper trust, and the paper trust begat the ink trust, and the ink trust begat the Associated Press news trust, and the news trust begat the tire trust, and the tire trust begat the tack trust, and the tack trust begat the food trust, and the food trust begat the medicine trust, and the medicine trust begat the coffin trust and the cemetery trust begat a certain centurion—one Mark Hanna. And when It was come to the time when no more trusts might be formed j and the overproduction still was, Mark Hanna called the trusts together, say ing: "Behold, we have it all. We are but waiting for an air trust and a sun trust and it Will be completed. But the people see not that we are good and kind, and are crying for St. Bryan, who will not deal in trusts. "Therefore, let those of us who can, go out into the highways and byways and cry aloud. 'Down with the trusts!' And the people will again be with us and will vote with us. and will say: 'Verily, we have killed tho trusts!' " And the trusts did as was bidden and all was well. And a certain man of the sugar trust, who was called Have more because he was exceedingly greedy, became scattered from his fel lows and became a wanderer and was lost. And certain of his tribe took him up into a temple and sat him upon a seat. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: "Verily, I have taken from the people many cubits of shekels. I am the sugar trust. I am a wise dingbat. Blessed are the trusts, for they shall inherit the earth! Lay not up treasures for yourselves, but give them to the trusts." And the people marveled at these teachings, and they grew afraid of trusts, and said: "Verily, we have not yet killed the trusts!" And the centu rion, Mark Hanna, departed into other lands and said unto the natives: "Even a trust hath much troubles, and the way of the Republican party is hard." So the people set themselves together to swat the trusts upen their helmets. and many strange things are written In the First Epistle of Plngree to Al ger. And the last of the trusts was the beef trust, which begat Eagau, for this was the limit, and the people slew It. These things came to pass in the third year of the anti-trust law. Selah! Hum. and Fords n Price.. The big American meat combine la now selling meat In England cheaper than It Is at home. Beef from our own packing houses brings less In London than It does In Omaha, says the Non conformist. In England the meat trust comes Into competition with Austra lia and has to sell cheap In order to hold its trade, and then It puts on at home all the traffic will bear In order to clear up a tremendous profit on the whole trade. The packers transport their products 4,000 miles and then sell them cheaper than at meir own doors. They have the American peo ple in their power and there Is no de fense against their extortions. The re tailers of Omaha have recently made a big advance In prices, and they say they are not to blame; that the pack ers keep forcing up the price, and they have to keep up with the procession or bust. Many of us would not care for this advance if the farmer who raises the cattle got his share of the rise, but he doesn't. Cattle on the hoof have advanced but little. The meat has to be killed before It can fly; stick a knife Into It and it soars out of sight. Half a dozen firms control the meat supply of seventy-five millions of peo ple, and they have no defense against robbery and extortions. In Chicago thousands of people have quit eating meat because they can't find the price, and It may he that the most of us will have to become vegetarians. The pack ers who lost much of their foreign trade because they poisoned our sol diers with embalmed beef and rotten canned goods, are now recouping their foreign losses by wholesale robbery at home. Ratio IVlunt Stand. "We do not hold the ratio of 10' to 1 to be, like the law of the Medes and Persians, unchangeable. It Is neither sacred nor supernal; It Involves no fundamental principle. What we want Is to open our mints to the free and in dependent coinage of both gold and silver at some precise ratio. We be lieve the parity of the two metals can be maintained at the ratio we propose. We want to try It. We want to begin where we left off, and determine by careful and guarded experiment wheth er we are right or wrong. At all events, by experiment, and by experi ment alone, we will reach the ratio at which gold and silver dollars can he coined on equal terms and kept at par. The American people must soon deter mine whether they will have bimetal lism or abandon it. If we are to have It, we must begin it, and the difficulty of beginning it Is augmented by every year it is delayed." Wo regret to say that the extract Is from Mr. Stone's speech, delivered on Saturday evening, Aug. 19, at Bunce ton, Mo. Mr. Stone has evidently for gotten that the ratio of 16 to 1 cannot be eliminated from real bimetallism. There are three reasons why the ratio cannot be eliminated: 1. It Is the legal and long-established ratio. 2. It is the ratio of production on a basis of 500 years' experience. 3. Any attempt to change It would depreciate the present full legal ten der standard silver dollar, of which there are now some 340,000,000 In ex istence. The commercial ratio Is the least Important of all of the alleged obsta cles to remonetization of silver. It would at once adjust Itself to the natural and legal ratios In answer to the inflexible law of supply and de mand. To assert that there is a doubt on this point is equivalent to denying the whole principle of bimetallism.— Ex. An African llank. As an Item of Interest which seems so far to have escaped the attention of writers on Africa, I may relate that the natives of that part of South Afri ca which, to a great extent, is inhab ited by Bushmen and Hottentots, have a peculiar system of banks and bank ing. These Kaffirs, among whom this curious system of banking obtains, live near Kaffraria, in the south of the Colony country. The natives come down south from their country to trade in the several villages and towns in large numbers, stay with the Boers foi a time, then return to Kaffraria. Theii hanking facilities are very primitive, and consist entirely of banks of de posit alone, without hanks of discount or issue, and they have no checks. But still they enjoy banking privileges, such as they are. From those who trade, of their own number, they select one, who for the occasion is to be thelt banker. He is converted Into a bank of deposit by putting all the money ol those whose banker he Is Into a bag, and then they sally forth to the stores to buy whatever they want. When an article Is purchased by any of those who are in this banking arrangement, the price of the article is taken by the hanker from this deposit money-bag, counted several times, and then paid to the seller of the article, after which all the bank depositors cry out to the banker in the presence of the two wit nesses selected, "You owe me so much!" This Is then repeated by the witnesses. The general accounting comes between the banker and his sev eral depositors when all desired pur chases have been made, after which all the natives depart for their north ern wilds. —Allien Bell in Anglo-Amer ican Magazine. There are no reserved seats In I heaven for rich people TEE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. After Many Yearn—Kohlml the Times-* What It Is—The Only Sailor That Erer Said It— Hlo Status—A Plausible It en* on—When lie Unit, Etc., Ktc. The grandfather Bnt In his easy chair, And the grundson laughed •'Hoi Hoi" While repeating the very latest Jolce, But It filled his heart with woe When the old man sadly smiled and said: "My boy, that's a good joke, I know; I laughed myself when I heard It ttrat. Borne flfty-odd years ugo." Kelt lud tli o Tunes. She—"l took a spiii on my wheel last evening." He—"liideed! I thought spinning wheels were out of date."—Harper's Bazar. What It Is. "What is concentration?" "It's the way a man sticks to the subject he wants to talk about, while you fctick to the subjeot you want to talk about." The Only Sailor That Ever Said It. Stubb—"l tell you that old retired sailor said the right thiug when the cyclone shook his house." Peun—"What did ho say?" Stubb—"Shiver my timbers." His Status. Askington—"Poor Gabbleby doesn't appear to have any too much sense, does he?" Grimshaw—"No, his lack of hrain9 seems almost inoxhaustiblo."—Life. A Plausible llcnson. "Why you go to the mountains instead of to the sea shore?" asked Mrs. Bunting. "Because tho mountains wouldn't come to us," replied Mrs. Gazzaoi.-~ Harper's Bazar. When He <Jult. "Is Mr. Goodheurt still paying at tention to your daughter?" "Ho isn't payiug her any attention at all." "Indeed! Did she jilt him?" "No; he married her."—Phila delphia Bulletin. The Ileal Thing. Mr. Stockaubond (who has been playing tho bear market in Wall street) —"Great Scott! I think the brute recognizes mo."—Judgo. Hl* Circle of Headers. Blunt—"Who rends your poetry, anyhow?" Billets—"Why, my clear sir, all the prominent magazine eilitors ot the country, and many of the leaser lights on the daily and weekly papers."— Philadelphia North Amorican. Faults of Early Training. "Flossie Blufkins believes in rein carnation." "She is too lazy to believe in much of anything." "Yes; she says she can't help it she need to be a princess on the banks of the Nile." —Chicago Itocord. The New Servant's Occupation. "That new servant of ours," said Wigwag, "reminds me of the Euro pean powers." "How so?" asked his unsuspecting wife. "Because she's principally engaged in the disruption of Chinu."—Phila delphia Record. When They Wrote on Stone. "What's that monolith in your coat tail pocket?" asked tho ancient Egyp. tian, in a casual way. The other ancient Egyptian paled, "That's a letter my wife gave mota post!" he exolaimed. "Thank you, old man, for reminding me of it!" Whence we see that while customi vary from time to time, man in his es sential [nature does not.—Detroit Journal. An Kusy Win. Tom —"Great news!" Diok—"What's that?" Tom—"Harry Penniless won a prize of SIOO,OOO by correctly answering a simple question." Dick—"Kubbish!" Tom—"Not at all. The officiating clergyman asked him, 'Wilt thou have this woman'—meaning Miss Giltedge, the banker's daughter—'to be thy wedded wife?'—and he answered, 'I will,' and—and that's how it hap oened. you see."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers