Theie'a isn't a man in the German Enr-ivo who coultl eh nib into Bis marek's chair a:i<l sit down in it with out feeling wabbly and lonesome. The nrarest approach to the £290,- 000,000 earned by the American hen last year is offered by the tutal value of milch cows, they representing an in vestiu: ut v -ldf), closely fol lowed by th • entire c flto'.i crop, valued at 3259,171.010, with wheat, the money standar-l of. the farmer and the bread stuff of t*ie nation, a weak fourth with its offering in round figures of £233,- 000,000. They have queer ideas of taxation in Hamburg, ( i many, where dogs are taxed according to their size. It might be more fitting to levy upon the canines according to the volume, or jutcli, of their barks, or as logical to tax them according to the respectability of their appearance. Whether there are more small dogs proportionately in Ham burg th in in other cities, the census informs us not. 1:11i:c v rv midst of ail exciting war the United States issued 8200,000,000 of bond ■ at the low rate of three per cent. They were all taken up at par by the people without the intervention of any syndicate or any bank. And so great is the country's credit that with the war : till on these bonds rose to 101 even before their issue. That is to say, investors are so eager to get the.n thai they are willing to surren der u year and a quarter's interest for th it purpoac. Was there over such nut? >ua\ credit in the world as ours? An interesting decision on the sub ject of "compulsory" tips lias just been made by the Higher Court at Vicuna. The suit arose out of a (lis- ; pate between a gentleman who had passed a considerable time at a sum mer resort and a hotel porter. A Mr. I)., who, with his family, had stayed for thirty-eight days at the hotel, pre sented the servant who conveyed the baggage to the station with six florins, about 82.50. This tlio man emphati cally decliucd to accept, demanding instead ten florins. On the depart ing guest declining to give that amount, the servant refused to part with the visitor's baggage, which ho carried back to the hotel and deposit ed with the manager, Mr. D. then brought, through the Public Prose cutor, a charge of extortion, accom pauied with threats and injury to property, against the porter. The Lower Court acquitted the servant on all the accounts. Then the suit was I carried to the Higher Court, which has confirmed the previous decision. The | charges of threats an l injury to prop- | erty the court considered unproved, and declared that the servant, who re ceived no wages, was thrown for his sub. isteuce upon tho generosity of the visitors; that of this Mr. D. was aware; and that personal service for thiriy-oight days, according to the local usuage, at ton kreuzers a day, I amounted to at least twelve florin?, to wi.i -h the man had a legal claim; nr. 1 that he was quite within his rights in retaining tho baggage to secure him self flora pecuniary loss. When Charette, a Merrimno hero, : was asked by n Spanish officer in San. ' tiago the object of that intrepid action, • lie said, standing at attention: "Sir, • i:i the i nite 1 St ites Navy it is not the | cus' om for a seaman to know or to a-k ! to know the object of his superior of- ! licer." yi words, these—in. tin t | with the qualities that make nations j entirely grc.it —end yoc not liner than I the nets tbey have voiced so nobly tlr.T.i -li many a trying year. Dircip si< ' devt ti >ii to the fin r, these :ra the I - on . ■ ht as tho beginning ' an l end of duty t > the American of lic r and 1,1 ua jacket. Both accept this S, If-elTacemeat and denial with out qu • uh,n as to their rea jona' !en. .• s in as •' io of livin j which s > c-s.ea t&.y <• ii i bigli . rr.var.l than the love it cor. ; rv, TiuireU a jiathos in b:■an It ro mly come tn it irial fl- Va • nu :1, t! • plaudits i adm; i in nival nnn: Is. But laro i;. loi i it that the blue j i-hiet may count w■ , more th \:\ th - hand grips of his ah'.] • mates, the u forgotten dory of g - hint deeds, the blurred tradition oi nacriflc- that should have been death less. And yet knowing this and ac cepting this as a part of the duty im posed he never falters, never questions, and whore the fight is hottest and the chance is least lie goes forward, cagr-i to prove that what hie brain and brawn may achieve belongs not to himsell but to the nation. Honor them, then --care for their. —for these nameless heroes in blue aro the vanguards oi American liberty on every sea. AT THE TURN OF THE ROAD. A moment's rause for longirg and for The memory of a touch,' warm, trusting, dreaming, clinging, A moment's looking backward on tho The memory of that touch grown cold as way; ice; To kiss my hand to long-past turrets gleam- A voice hushed that was sweet as wild iif-T, bird's singing, To stand and think of life of yesterday. A love whose bright flame burned in sac- A little time to dream of sunlit hours Spent where white towers ri?e against the Only a grave! Life of to-day will teach me _, . „ Its .stream fleets fast for sorrow and regret. To tread agniu that path of too sweet flow- Beyond this turn its sweeping wave will To lu-ar ng in tho greeting and good- I must go with It, as wo nil goi Yet— .. ~ A moment's pause for longing and for What is there, say you, in that far off dreaming. A moment's looking backward on the Of my pest living and past loving, loft way. Wrapped la iu its golden haze, to stir my To kiss my hand to long-past turrets gleam- P'ty i ng, And call the bitter sigh of the bereft? To stand and think of life of yesterday! —Donahoo's. i i M® M © MM® MM J PROVING HIS WORTH. 4 y ADMUNII W. DENNETT. A- py- fR ff. M . ,v o ..&■&) HE thing I would | like to know, Papa *" Hun, is when I may ask the snpeviuteu- j ___—! tleut for an office?" i 1 i anil Lyle planted 1 1 his sturdy fourtcen year-old legs far apart as he leaned back against the telegraph table, for once heedless of the insistent, metalio clattering of the little brass instru ments. "When yon are old enough,my son," | was the mechanically given answer. "Oh, that's tho same old answer," disgustedly. "To tho same old question," calmly. "You know you said yourselt that there was nut a better operator on the whole road than I." "Yes." "And I do so want my name on the pny roll," pleadingly. "Are you not my assistant at a stated salary?" asked Mr. Loomis, looking up from his desk for the first tinio during the conversation. "Yes, Papa Han, but that is just 'make-believe.' I asked the paymas ter last payday if my name was on the rolls, and he only smiled and said it would he some day." "Should that not satisfy you, my boy?" and a look of pain came into Mr. Loomis' eyes at this repeated sug gestion of tho inevitable parting, Lyle slowly shook his head. Bat now that it came to broaching his se cret plans to his father ho could not talk so lluently as ho had thought. Something would keep rising up in his throat, but finally he said: "Papa, if you will let lue go and see Mr. Chelton, tho superintendent of telegraph, and ask hiiu for an office I will he satisfied." This was not nearly so elaborately Btnted ns Lylo had planned, but it was straight to the point. Mr. Loomis drummed a moment on his desk and then said. "Very well, my sou, you may take the down train for tho city iu the morning and seo Mr. Chelton." For one ecstatic moment' Lylo doubted his ears. Then, as he finally realized what this permission might mean, his nimble feet (lew together, and as he dived out of the open office door he cried: "Hurrah for Papa Han!" Mr. Loomis arose and stepped to the window in time to see Lyle's sturdy form skipping from the end of tie to tho end of tie as he went down the track to the big curve, where a long bridge was being built across tho deep gorge. He could not but smilo bit terly as ho thought how, in his anxiety to have his boy always by bis side since tho death of Lyle's mother three years before, he had defeated that very de sire. Ho had at first interested the boy in learning telegraphy to keep liiin in tho office by his side, and now the lad wanted to try his now-found wings. "To-morrow! To-morrow, my name on the pay roll!" buzzed and bounded through Lyle's busy brain as he bounded along to tho edge of the gorge, whore the bridgomou weie working. All that night his mind was busy i with the approaching interview with I the superintendent. He thought the train would never come, and the ride , to the cily, ncross the sky-pierciug ; mountain, was hut a blur. In some way that was never quite j dear to him he found himself in tho superintendent's office, staring at the 1 In. r. I i i k of a man ho knew to be j t'no superintendent. An audlenoe with | tiie K'.iii or of nil the Russians would j not have h n half so terrifying to him. Hlov. iy liio chair aud its occu-1 pant turned or au.l. Then, iu whai sounded even to him: "If ns a very small \ nice, Lyle made his errand "Want a pmibon, eh?" asked gruff John Chelton, alowly, looking poor Lylo over -ahe id to foot '"I be li-. i-e that we i : : not in need of any met ■ a jer boys at present "I do not wisha position ns messen ger," sai.l Lyle. "1 aui an operator." "An operator! An operator! Hold on, let i i ' have a witness to this in t■ rvicuv," touching a small call bell on : his desk. Then as a man answer.-1 j the call he turned to Lyle and nodde . fur him to proceed. I "Yi , sir; lam an operator," s.; 1 ; Lylo, us boldly as be might. ' "Well," eyeing him again fromhctl i to foot, "when did babies take Iu j learning telegraphy and wanting posi tions, I should like to know?" and Mr. Che'.t ■ i sto nl up iu nil the tower ing h'dght of his six feet and stared down at the boy. Lylo felt his woeful lack of nature more than lack of age, bal raid bravely, if n little shakily: "Yo-u m-ay text me, if you don't be lieve me." I "That, s fair, at least," said the su perintendent, with a small wink at the man. "Here, Hoskius," addressing j the man who had answered the bell, j "sit down aud test this bo— young man." Yow, Hoskius prided himself on his ability as a sending operator, and he seated himself with a determination to "rush" the joungster. Ho gave the "key" a few preliminary rattles and I smiled grimlj as he called up a uivi- I sion office where there was a first-class j man aud commenced to dispatch some I accumulated business. | Lyle's pen staggered and floundered | over the first few words, aud then he steadied down into the swinging i "copy" of the old-timer. This was ■ ; nothing now to him—ho thought he i was out at Las Palomas copying for practice! Hadn't ho copied Hoskius s by tho hour before for practice! Ho always did like Hoskius' Morse—it I was so even and well spaced! When i lie finally looked up he saw a kindly ; light in Mr. Cfieitou's eyes that he had not noticed there before. But his ris t ing hopes were dashed by the first - words of tho superintendent. i "I couldn't put tho lives of whole : trainloads of people in tho hands of one so young, my boy, now, could I? But I will remember you; I promise you I will," and that was all he would do. "I did so want my name on the pay roll for suro and certain," said Lylo. "It will be there in time, my boy." "That's what yon all say," said Lyle, suppressing a sob as he'raufrom i the office. Soon tho Las Palomas train was ready, and as Lyle took his seat in the coach his heart was sore with disap pointment. "They all want a fellow to bo as big aud as old as tho mountains before they will let him do anything," he thought, bitterly. Tho crew on the train was a "plains" crew, compelled to tako the run over the mountain on account of a washout : beyond Las Palomas. They were very unsociable and "grumpy" on : this account, us well as on account of their engine not steaming well. At Placitas a mountain "helper" was added, and the tortuous climb to the summit was commenced. • Tho summit was capped by a tall moun tain, pierced by the longest tunnel on the road. Two-thirds of tho way through tho tunnel was up a very sharp grade, and it was not to exceed a rail's length before they pitched down ns steep nu incline into Las Palomas. All the way up the wiudiug moun tain side Lyle watched the "double header" freight following tho passen ger within the ten-miuute limit. One moment tho freight would be iu plain sight, the next hiddon by some jut ting point, only to appear later far to one side, seeming almost that it was on another track, aud again it was going in an entirely different direc tion, so winding was the road. The passengers stopped at Rossitn, half way up tho mountain, to take water. As Lyle was standing at the open telegraph window listening to l his beloved instruments clicking so i merrily, the nose of the freight on j gine pushed around the curve, aud : Bon Parr, engineer of tho big uioun i tair. engine, waved a friendly greeting | to Lyle as he stood a moment beside j his eugine, oil can in hand. Then ; Lyle's attention was attracted by tiro familiar sound of his father's send | ing, and as the train started slowly he | caught these words of the message: I " —delayed twenty minutes in Suin i mit tunnel—account wet, slippery rail —" i Lyle know the tricks of tho tunnel, and that at times it was comparatively dry and at others would be dripping wet, and this without any apparent : connection with th" rainfall upon the I mountain above. This report gave . him no concern, though, uajjl they passed Fierce, tli9 last telegraph sta tion on that side of (lie tunnel, with out being notified of the condition of ' the tunnel. i Then he became uneasy. Hal ho not heard every train crew on tho mountain say they feared Summit tunnel when the rail was slippery and another train following them? Ho felt that he must speak to tho con ductor of the message he had heard, and when he did so that official looked him over very coolly and said: i "My son, I ran trains before yon • were born. I will seo that yon are not carried by your destination," i which showed the conductor held the - information very cheap. 1 | All the while watchful Lyle could ! s see that the passenger was losing a , few minutes' time, and tho freight, j while staying strictly within her time, • 1 was gaining on them slowly. To add I to bi3 feelings of uueasiuess the shades j <of nigbt were creeping down the | elopes ami out from every gulch and gully. The headlights of the freight were flitting from side to side of the high walled pass like a will o' the wisp, and finally to Lyle's excited mind they seemed to take on a sinister and pur suing glare. He could stand it no longer, so he mr.de hold to address the brakeniau, who snapped: "My very precocious kid, I know how to protect the rear of this train without any instructions from you." Lyle sank hack in his seat and the blood fled to his face to think he had been so misunderstood. "He don't understand," Lyle whis pered to himself, "how different it is flagging a train after you're Btalled in Summit tunnel." "If I don't protect this train," said the brakeniau a moment later, with a sueer, "you'll he ou hand to do it." Lyle walked back to the rear conch and stood outside on the platform to hide his shauic. They were almost at the tunnel's mouth, and the grade was very steep. " —lost twenty min utes—" rang iu his cars. Why* if this train lost half of that ia the tuuuel the freight would crash into them. Then, as the engines struck the tunnel, Lyle saw from the quickly slacking speed that they would lose more time iu its passage, if they did not come to a full stop, with that badly steaming engine. "If I stop that freight, and there is uo need, the boys will never let mo hear the last of it," he thought. Then: "I am save that Hen Parr will not blame me for being too careful," he whispered to himself as he grasped a red light sitting just inside the coach and swung nil' of the now slowly mow ing train just as it was swallowed up' in the black darkness of the tunnel. Even then ho was iu doubt, but stumbled back a few rail lengths iu the thickening gloom. "Well," ho said aloud to himself, half covering the red danger signal with his baud, "if the freight is far enough back I will not Hag them,"and then he shuddered to think of letting the train by him and that black tun nel between him and home! Then a great roar filled the rocky cut and a flare of light lit up tins blackness. The freight was upon him, botli massive engines working in powerful unison and running much faster than the passenger had been. A few frantic swings of tho lantern brought an answer f 'om Ben Parr that was music to Lyle's ears, and with a shower of sparks flying from the re versed engines' wheels they soon came to a panting stop. "What's tho matter, little one?" asked cheery Ben, as ho saw who the flagman was. "No. 3 will hardly got through the tunnel without stalling, so I flagged you down, Ben." "I don't see anything of lier rear lights," said Bon, peering out into the black darkness, and his tone held a touch of irritation. "Didn't they have a crew on that train to do the flagging?" asked tho fireman. But just then a little speck of light, such as a firefly would make, was seen wavering in the tunnel's black mouth, and soon tho brakemau staggered out into the fresli air, choked almost to fainting with the smoke made by the two pulling engines in the narrow space. Coughing up black soot and smoke tlio brakemau said: "If you hadn't stopped you would have beeu into us, sure," aud then lie swore at being sent over such a division with a "lame" engine. And old Ben Parr took out his watch, and patting Ben on tho head, said: "You have probably made a present of their lives to several people this day, mv boy. God bless you!" And the brakemau peered up at him from his watery eyes, caused by the smoke undoubtedly, and said: "Y'ou here! I know an old lady back East who will thank you for keep ing her son from being a murderer through carelessness." Strange how tliiugs will leak out. A few days later Lyle received a handsome autograph letter from Mr. John Cbeltou, "begging" him to accept the position of assistant oper ator at Las Palmas, under his father, who was being "eutirely too hard worked," and containing assurances of promotion as opportunity offered. "But why did lie change his mind so suddenly, papa?" asked Lyle. "On account of your bravery," with a look that implied he could tell more if he would. "Oh, that tunnel matter," said Lyle. "That did not take half the courage it did to ask him for a job." "I guess it depends on the point of view," said hi i father. The "iv.li-reo Silkworm." Ten tons of silkworms' eggs are re ported by the British Consul at Batoum to have been brought into that port during 1807, representing a money value ol .••31' . 120. Tlio cultivation of the mulberry and tho silkworm is destined to he one of the great indus tries of Northern Italy. Tho bears arc raid to be tlio greatest enemies of the trees, which they break down to cat the fruit. Pedigree silkworms are much sought after. Some breeds are renowned for quantity, others for quality, and others for resistance to disease. Gut la Perch n Arllllclal Teeth. Artificial teeth that have become i firmly implanted iu tho jaws of dogs i and men have been made by Dr. Zauiesky from gutta percha, porcelain or metal. Holes are made in tho base of the tooth, which is then placed in o cavity formed in the jaw, and in n short time a soft granulated growth enters the boles in tho tooth aud, gradually hardening, firmly holds it in place. A Sorvlctsaiile Stablo Floor, A stable floor that is cheap and ser viceable may be made of stiff clay by adding one-third ole.au gravel not larger than a marble. Mix to the con sistency of thin mortar, put it on tho floor or ground surface, after smooth ing it down well, eight or ten inches deep and pound down hard. Go over it every few daya iiud pound down solidly any portion that shows a ten dency (o crack, until all is hard. Such a floor will last for years, and if plenty of bedding is asod is not apt to get muddy. lisnewring Hnsphcrry rntclica. A raspberry patch, of tiie black-cap varieties, needs to be renewed every four or live years, as tlie red rust comes in una will injurs so many of the plants that the plantation will cease to pay. The black-cap raspberry will not last FO long as this if it has been grown from Backers. Those grown from the tip ends of this year's shoots will keep i'reo from disease longest. Bat after four or live years it is too much labor to keep the plantation free from weeds, and a new plantation, after the first year, will give more fruit, with less cost of labor in caring for it. Preventive For llloat In Cuttle. If the farmers would haul a load of dry hay or straw into tho clover pas ture there would be no danger of los ing cows with the bloat. If the cow is already badly bloated let her get where she can eat the hay or straw, ami it will cure the worst case. While this knowledge was gained by accident it has nevertheless been tried since with the best of success by my brother. Ho never turns the cattle into a clover pasture without first hauling a load of dry hay or straw where the cattle have free ac cess to it, and has never lost a cow with the bloat since using this precau tion.—Mrs. W. C. Lane, in Agricul tural Epitomist. Foul 15rood anil Its Treatment. In Cowan's guide for the English beekeeper he suggests as a treatment for foul brood the thorough disinfec tion of hives and utensils. When a diseased hive is to be treated and not destroyed bo recommends that the liivo be washed out with phenol— phenol two teaspoonfuls, water one quarter gallon—and the diseased brood frames sprayed with a weak solution—one-hall' teaspoonful to one gallon of water. From other frames the honey is to bo extracted and boiled and the frame treated like the brood frames. The bees are to be fed a syrup containing phenol at the rate of one-quarter teaspoonful to one quarter gallon of syrup. If it is ac cepted by the bees more phenol should be added. Palis Orflon For Squash Tlororj. One of the worst pests of the garden is the squash or cucumber stalk borer. All its operations are confined to apart of the main stem near the root, or at most not more than two or three feet from it. Once inside the stalk the borer is safe from any outward ap plication. But if his presence is seen quickly enough, tho borer may bo dug out with a knife and the plant will bo saved. Prevention is better than cure. If a strong solution of Paris green in water is spread over the squash or other vine stem for two or three feet from its roots, tho parent fly will lay her eggs as usual, and when these hatch out, as they do in two or three days, when the young borer begins eating hi? way into tho stalk, his first mouth ful will be his last. C nvcnlenl Has 11 old w. Sketched here is a simple and in expensive arrangement for holding bags or sacks, one that will lie espe cially useful when handling grain. Strong hooks fasten the box to the bin while smaller hooks in either corner and in front hold the bag. The box may bo easily made by anyone handy with tools, and the arrangement will j j _ \ / y\_^r H UW'DT ANR.AXVI FOR BAAS. greatly facilitate handling grain when ino man has to do all the work. This box is ail improvement on the funnel j sometimes usod by millers, which is j only handy when a second person can ! atteud to shirring the string that holds the bag about the lower end of the funnel. Use of Dust For Poultry. Tho fine dry dust on the roads, which is sucli a nuisance to the trav eler, is a blessiug to the poulfcryman. It is an admirable absorbent, and used under tho roosts and mixed with the droppings, it preserves the volatile I properties of the ben manure, inereas ins hi a very material degree the fer | tilizer made by the flock." Used in a dust bath, it penetrates the feathers of tho fowls and stops up the air pas sages of the parasites that.dwell upou the bodies and hido among the feath ers of the heus. thus promoting the health and comfort of the fowls. Used on the floors and about the house, it assists in destroying little mites that hide in tho cracks and corners of the building, removes noxious odors and exhalations, and makes the poultry house a healthy home for its feathered occupants, instead of a disease breed ing prison. It pays to gather and ; use road dust, which is plentiful I everywhere. A Convenient Cart, j It is the utilizing of little things on i the farm that makes agriculture a pleas* . ant as well as a profitable pursuit. A ; hand or push cart, for instance, is of i incalculable value, and the one pic j tared herewith can be used with com parative ease for conveying light loads of material from one place to another, such as grains and feeds, garden sauce, tools for fence repairiug, small quantified of fruit and vegetables, as apples, potatoes, turnips, carrots and the like, and various other things never dreamed of until the moment of their removal has arrived, elimiuat- A USEFUL PUSH CART, ing thereby the necessity of harness iug up the loam or one's undergoing extremely heavy lugging—lugging which is good for no man, in that it stiffens his joints and bends him over with premature age. Have you any old wagon wheels that aro still capable of doing good service? Well, then you possess the chief requisites for this cart, the body of which can often be made of a box obtained at the grocery or drygoods store; and in such a case all that re quires,being done is to prepare a prop er axle for the box to rest on, first constructing the frame, however, and inserting into the handles of it pieces of very heavy wire (that which is twisted is preferable) vertically for the purpose of keeping the whole up right when 110 one has hold of it. This mode of constructure renders the cost quite small, but not olio iota does it detract from the availability of the cart. Nicely painting tho cart add 3 to its attractiveness, and also makes it more durable; and if it is only properly housed and looked after, as it always should be, it will endure much service and last for a lifetime. Nexr York Tribune. Tlio Farm Garden. The farmer who neglects tho gar den and fails to grow ail ample supply ol' vegetables for the use of his family falls short of his plain duty. A diet of which meat is the principal part is not wholesome, and those who dwell in cilies and towns know this and eat largely of vegetable foods while too many farmers' families live the year through oil pork, beef, bread und po tatoes. The farmer cau consume moro pork and other meat than almost any other man, because ho works hard in tho open air and can digest heavier food than the man who is shut iu the houso most of tho time. Of all men the farmer should be the last to suffer from rheumatism, dyspopsia aud other diseases that arise from the blood. A diet composed largely of vegetables insures immunity from all such dis eases yet they aro very prevalent iu tho families of the farms of this coun try. There Is hardly a single one of tho vegetables that is not medicine as well as food. .In Iho spring comes aspara gus first of nil, which is a sovereign remedy for kidney complaints, all of which aviso from tho presence of a particular aoid in the blood, Boon after come tho various greens that grow abundantly in country places, and later tho berries aud fruits which purify tho blood and invigorate tlio system e.l a time in tlio year when the hot weather enervates and makes languid those who labor out of door. Beets, onions, green peas, string beans, celery, tomal >. t all possess important medicinal virtues and all come at a time iu the year when we need a cool ing and hood purifying diet. During cold weather we can consume quanti ties oi fat meat with benefit, because fats used as food ; ro.lnce beat and help us to withstand cold, but with tlio .temperature as high as it gets iu this country during tho summer, wo really need but little meat, aud vege tables are all that we need to supply us with strength topevform the heaviest tasks. If the meats consumed in sum mer were mostly mutton or poultry, with eggs, we would be better off than we are as consumers of so much fal pork, but none of these take the place of au unlimited supply of fresh vege tables and fruits sneli as any farmer in the land may produce at tho cost of a small amount of labor devoted to theii cultivation.—Farm News. OUR RUDGET OF IIUMOR. LAUGHTER-PROVOKING STORIES FOR LOVERS OF FUN. A Bravo Soldier Girl—Not Always tlie Same—None But the Brave Would Apply—What She Wan Afrahl Of—ln I'se—A Wny to Learn—A Suro Sign* film was deckel with soldier buttons, Sho wns clad la army blue, And she wore a martial emblem On her natty sailor, too. "But alas! a little sj filer Crept across this maiden's band, And with all her warlike trappings She screamed to beat the bund. —Tacoma (Wash.) Lodger, None But the Brave Would Apply. "The man I marry," said the Blond "Wirlow, "must be a hero." "He, will be," remarked the Savago Bachelor.—Cincinnati Enquirer. Not AltvnyH the Same. His Grandson—"A ration is what tho soldier gets to eat at on 9 meal, isn't it?" Tho Veteran—"lt is what he is sup posed to get."—Puck. What She Wns Afraid Of. Mamma—"Aro you afraid of the dark, Bessie?" Bessie—"No, mammn, I ain't fwaid of tho dark, but I'm awfully fwaid of 'lings 'at's in tho dark 'at you tun't see. A Hltrionle Triumph. "What did the stage manager sav to you?" "He said he wished I would act as emotional on tho stage as I do when I strike him for more salary."—Chicago Record. Empty Tall;. Higgins Hall—"Have you heard that empty box story?" Rustic Bridge—"No." Higgins Hall—''lt's just as well you haven't; there's nothing iu it."—Chau tauqua Assembly Herald. A Sure Sign. Smith—"Brown is evidently finan cially embarassod." .Tones—"Why do you think so?" Smith—"Ho is beginning to live extravagantly and dresses bettor than formerly."—Chicago News. Iu Use. Mamma (at the breakfast table) — "You always ought to use your nap kin, Georgie." Georgie—"l am usiu' it mammn. I've got tlio dog tied to tho leg of the table with it."—Chicago Tribune. At tlio Jungle Picnic. First Monkey—"Did you ever see an animal chango himself into another animal?" Second Monkey—"No." First Monkey—"Well, there's the elephant making a hog of himself!"— Fuck. Fln-dc-Slecle* Old Lady—"Didn't I toll you uevei to coiuo here again?" Up-to-Date Tramp—"l hope yon will pardon me, madam, but it's the fault of my secretary; ho neglected to strike your name from my visiting list."—Tit-Bits. A Wny to Learn. "The only way for a man to lenva all about women is to get married." "And study the ways of his wife, eh?" "New. Listen to what she tells him about the other women."—ln dianapolis Journal. An 111-lire! Hug. Mrs. Faddlo—"l thought you war ranted that dog I bought of you well bred?" Dog Denier—"Bo it is, mum." Mrs. Faddle—"Oh, no, it isn't; it holts its food iu the most vulgar man ner!"—Pick-Me-Up. Just I.ikc Her. First Domestic—"There's Mrs. Cameron, that you live with, over on the other side of the street." Second Domestic—"Gracious! I hope she won't see me. It will be just like her to go aud get a bonnet like mine."—Boston Transcript. One of Many. Thompson—"You look pale and thin, Johnson. Why will you persist in killing yourself working night and day such weather ns this?" Johnson "I am trying to earn money enough to pay the expense of a week's rest iu the country."—New York Weekly. Cross Examination. Attorney—"You reside ?" Witness—"With my uncle." Attorney—"And your uncle lives Witness -"With me." Attorney—"Exactly. And you both live ?" Witness—"Together."—New York Journal. Beneath Contempt. Mr. l)c Broker —"I am a defaulter, and I want 3*oll to defend me." GreafrLawj'er—"Certainty, Mr. De Broker, I'll get you oil' all right. Have 110 fear. How many millions is it?" . Mr. Do Broker (with dignity)— "oir, T am short on!}' a few thousand, aud I hope to pay that some day." Great Lawyer (to ofiice boy) "James, show this vile scoundrel the door!" Rclf-Sacrllice. A small hoy belonging to a family ol fivo cauio into the houso one day with live stones, which 110 cheerfully ex plained were to be tombstones for each member of the family. Later his little sister, counting them, said: "Hero is a tombstone for father dear! Hero is the baby's; but thero is none hero for Katie, the nurse." Then she quickly added, "Oh, well, never mind; Katie cau have mine, and I'll live."—Life.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers