A Kansas City woman who speaks
feelingly on the subject says that the g
heaviest work any woman ever under- j,
took was light housekeeping.
L '! S
The Town Council of Mankato, Kan. t Q
may not he unmusical, hut it draws
the liuo at&omotunes. In 1894 it iw- s
jposed'a line of fifty cents on every per- K
son heard whistling or singing "After
the Ball," and now an ordinance has j 11
been introduced to silence "A Hot V
Time in the Old Town To-night."
_ T
The remarkable way in which civ- v\
ilization is increasingly coming to in
terfere with paganism is illustrated
by the fact that the car of Juggernut j ' ,k
cannot pass through the streets of !
Colombo owing to the interference of | *
the overhead telegraph wires. But' v
that paganism is not yet dead is evi- j Vi
dent to the New York Observer's sat- j
isfaetion, by the circumstances that >
petitions have been sent to the Gov- •
ernor by the Ceyloncse, requesting j '
that the celebration might proceed, as t
twenty-live persons desired to throw c
themselves under the idol's car.
There appears to the New York Com
mercial Advertiser "to be no reason
for the assertion that the Cuban insur- y
gents have violated the rules of war ic ;
the reported execution of Colonel Ruiz. | \]
That officer of the enemy was giver I >
every opportunity to avoid a fate upoß i
which ho rushed with blind foolhardi. |
ness. His correspondence with hit j
Cuban friend, Colonel Arauguren,
whose reported execution is now de
nied, carried to him exact - knowledge
of the general order condemning t.
death all emissaries bearing tk pro j
posal to accept autonomy. "When Rtii? v
persisted, his friend sent back to liim '
the order of General Rodriguez, 'lf hi "
offers autonomy, do your duty,' accoin- v
panied by the warning that if the pro i :
posed interview wa9 confined to i n
friendly chat, or to the independent '
of Cuba, all would be well; but 'if not J
for God's sake do not corno/ StiL j
Jtaiz persisted, and when he met hi* r
friend and pronounced the fatal woro 1
"autonomy/ he condemned himself tc j
death. There was no way to evade his j
execution, else tho discipline of the j
entire Cuban anuy would have been fc
destroyed."
* l®
However Mr. John Fox, Jr., may i
seem to maintain that Kentucky—bar
ring some counties in the mountains v
—is very much like other civilized j
districts, with differences in favor of t
Kentucky, things do happen down
there that surprise persons who are i
not centaurs or lineal descendants of *
Daniel Boone, writes E. S. Martin, iu
Harper's Weekly. The ardor with A
which eminent Kentuckians enter intc t
disputes i$ always somewhat astonish- *
ing to effete Americans in other States, j
Where else could have developed such 1
a difference as lately obtained as tc t
which of two Kentucky ladies should f
christen the battleship Kentucky? If 1
was settled finally, but not until the 1
din of it had penetrated the extreme (
confines of the Union. How painful i
it all was; Miss Richardson claiming, 1
under a patent from Secretary Her-
bert; that gentleman's embarrassed j
disclaimer; and Major Baruk Thomas's ]
lamentation over the loss of a quart ol j
Dan Swiggert 1855 whisky, consc- 1
crated by him to patriotic uses, and 1
believed to have been absorbed by the
Cleveland administration! Eheu; i
Alas! Why has Kentucky no Hans
Brcitmaun to put its epics into versei
Within the last few years the put
ting up of canned goods lias become
one of the most important industries
of the United States. Scattered
throughout this country at tho pres.
ent time there are not less than 200C
canneries, representing the cnornvma
capital of $75,000,000. Tho industry ,
is divided into four main branches.
First comes the canning of food prep
arations, such as meats, cereals,
eoups and the like, iu which branch
some 5000 persons are employed and j
capital amounting to $7,000,000 is
represented. Next comes the canning
of fruits and vegetables. In this im
portant branch of the industry not lens
than 60,000 persons are employed,
while tho capital represented amounts
to $30,000,000. This branch of the
industry is carried on mainly in Mary
land and New York. Btill another
branch is concerned with the canning
of preserves and pickles. In this
branch of the industry several thou
sand persons are employed. As to the
capital represented, it closely approx
imates $25,000,000. Last comes the
canning of oysters, salmon and other
kinds of fish, which employs some 15, j
000 persons, aud represents a capital
of $13,000,000. Tho hardships occa- '
sioned by the late war between the '
States greatly stimulated the canning
industry iu this country, but without
the least interruption since that time
the industry has steadily grown into
its present extraordinary proportions.
SEED SOWING
Bow tho seed of soothim? kindnoss,
To dispel tho irloom and pain:
Sow briulit words of warmth and welcome,
That o'or earth good will may reiga;
Sow upon a soil proline.
That shall bear an hundredfold,
Choking out tho thorns and briers^
Turning weeds to stalks of gold.
Scorn thou not. to sow. moreover,
On tho Holds less rich in loam;
Should it bear not many measures
It will have i-n harvest borne.
If tho power will but barken.
He will ' ear what God will kocp-
Whether good or whether evil—
What ve sow that ye shall reap.
Though the soil be peant and sandy.
And the rocks bo thick and keen.
With the hand of faith sow broadly—
Some str ty soil may lie unseen;
Tills may nourish sped sufficient
To bring hnrvest time around;
And tho hand or thrift may garner
From the uninviting ground.
What though wayside fowls fly over,
You enn cover well tho seed;
What thr >ug!i tares by sutauscattered
Should arise Iu evil greed.
Walt, if must be. till the harvest
Hi pens grain and tares in turn;
Then the grain thou mayest gather,
And the tares mav'st bind and burn.
Eow the seeds of !ove and mercy,
Worthy work for angel hands!
Sympathy end truth and justice—
Fitting thoino for heavenly bunds!
Eow good will among thy neighbors^
Heap reward for thee iu store;
O.i the sower that is faithful
Blessings be forever more.
—Virgil A. Pinkley, in Brooklyn Eagle.
;■ - TKE SIXTH
COMMANDMENT U
J}'Y\ /. S nothing to you
ty tll ' my whole
immune* lies at
Y'dlYiVyj '. your mercy? Am
V J only one more
t .. 'rjif ■ " r the many you
,/, . •• have llirtoil with,
/ V •••'- ""'I tji• ■: i smiled
aYJnn X* nside ns if they
were children? Ah! God never
createil any creature more cruel than
a beautiful coquette without heart! Do
not deny it! You have used every charm
you possess to make me love yon, and
have succeeded. You shall listen to
me now. I love yon! I love yon! I
love you! Kay, do not speak. I will
not take your html answer to-day. To
morrow I will come for it. All! if it
is Tes,' I swear that you sliull never
regret it. If it is 'No,' then you will
have sent one more man'to 'hell!'" aud
without another word Jack Armstrong
turned on his heel mid left abruptly.
Hilda l'hare look edjaf tor his retreating
figure with, a vogue sense of shame,
tvhe had wo.; the love of the "woman
hater," hut the victory was leaving a
sting in even her hardened coquette i
conscience, though she tried to feel I
herself aggrieved at his outburst.
"As if I can help men falling in love '
with in". 1 cannot marry them all. I '
certainly do like Captain Armstrong,
but I don't like matrimony, I want
to keep my lrecdom a little longer first.
A pretty girl can at any time easily get
engaged, but it requires an ugly girl
to easily get disengaged, so that even
beauty has its drawbacks," she con
cluded, with a little soft laugh. Then,
with the wucoufessed desire to drive
the recent interview from her mind,
she took up a society paper and soon
forgot all tho crumpled rose leaves of
her happy, careless life in tho pleas
ure of reading a description of the
dress tho "beautiful Miss Pliare wore
at tlie Queen's ball, where, as'tlie belle
of the season, she was the cynosure of
all eyes."
"-My dear Hilda, have you heard the
dreadful news?" The girl look up
from the comfortable wicker chair
where she was reclining lnxily under ,
tho shade of the old oak on the lawn, j
"No, what news?" she asked, indif
ferently, for her portly aunt's face j
looked more important than horrified, |
as she stood by her niece's side, hold
ing a largo white and green lined sun
shade over her bare bead.
"Mrs. Chester shot hor husband
and that pretty Miss Dene yesterday
afternoon, and then killed herself."
"Uh, how dreadful! What made
her do it?" exclaimed Hilda, thor- !
oughly roused now, us she sat bolt !
upright in her chair.
"Well, it appears that she caught I
him kissing this Miss Dene, to whom j
he had been engaged before he mar
ried his wife for her money. Fancy
shooting both of them like that!"
"What a wicked, cruel woman, Mrs.
Chester must have been. It was only
yesterday morning I rode over to Mill
Hall to see her new Paris uress. It is
' quite horrible to think that I have
touched the hand of a murderess/' and
the girl gave a shudder.
£s,"Yes, it i . indeed! lam f:o very
Barry for their poor little daught. r, but,
of course, f can never allow Jessie and
Pnssie to play with her again. I must
go now, for I want to write and tell
your Aunt Mary all about it. She
will he so interested—shocked, I
mean," and she returned to the house
with that feeling of pleasurable impor
tance wo all experience when wo are
tho first to tell the news of some
calamity that has befallen our ii iendr.
Left to herself Hilda sank back in
the wicker chair and tried by reading
to distract her thoughts ones more,
but ibis time from thinking of the
tragedy at Ilill Hall. Tho heat, how
ever, made her drowsy, and the paper
soon dropped on the grass from tho
nerveless lingers, aud tho lids Boon
i drooped over the beautiful eyes.
Suddenly a choking sensation
caught the sleeper's throat. She tried
jto move, but could not. Was she dy
ing—dying out there alone on the
j awn? She felt her breath coming
j quicker and quicker, her strength
I ebbing faster and faster. Then she
seemed to lose all consciousness.
"Where was she now? Who were
those?" she asked one standing beside
ber.
"They are the souls of We dead
waiting till tho day dawns aiip the L
gohlen gates are opened."
"Then I must be dead, and those I
must be the gates of heaven, that
beautiful place I used to like reading
about when a child. I will joia the
throng and go in with them."
And when the day dawned she also
pressed forward towards those golden
gates, guarded by angels, but though
many passed through, more were
turned away. At last only-Hilda and
another were left. That other was a
broken hearted woman, and tho girl j
shrunk back with loathing when she j
saw it was Mrs. Chester! As sho re- j
coiled an angel beckoned to the weep
ing woman, and she beheld her no I
more. But now the gates were clos- |
ing. Hilda sprang forward and 1
stretched out her hands to those I
white robed guardians.
"You have forgotten me."
"There is no forgetting here," came j
the answer.
"Then why do you not let me 1
through?"
"Tour sius expel you."
"My sins! My sins! What sins
have I committed? What command- ,
ment have I broken?" questioned tho i
girl, with the surprise of self-con- i
vinced innocence.
"The sixth commandment. 'Thou !
slmlt do no murder/
Hilda shrank back in horror, amaze- '
meut, anger.
"I commit murder! I, who could
never bear to see even a bird shot." j
"l'es, you arc a murderess," an
swered the ungel, sternly. "You
who recoiled from that woman are
much more guilty. She, in great
temptation, in great provocation killed
but mortal bodies; you, in mere vani
' tv, in mere idleness, have killed im
mortal souls! Thiukest thou there is
no margin to a commandment. Know
you not that though the text bo brief,
yet does it overflow beyond tho limits
of words on the broad margin of mean- j
ing labeling unwritten sins, and you 1
have broken a marginal command- j
ment, 'Thou sliait do no murder/"
"But I have committed no murder," ;
reiterated the trembling girl.
"Behold and see," aud the angel I
passed his hand over the eyes of tho ;
belle of the London season.
"Yes, she knows that young face >
again. He had been one of her hoy- j
isli suitors, whom she had flirted with I
and then laughed at. He is holding
a dicebox now in his shaking baud, and j
on that dicebox is written one word— i
'Hilda.' Ah! who is that drunken
man glaring at her with bloodshot
eyes? He lifls a glass of spirits, and j
oa that glass is engraved one word—!
'Hilda.'" * '
Ah! poor wife of a loveless marriage, j
! made by the husband in a moment of
1 pique. Her tears as they fall form |
j one word—"Hilda."
I Yet another face she sees—tho faco
;of a last year's flirtation. It is pale !
with tho anguish of death, and on the |
pistol by his side is stamped one word i
—"Hilda."
Then the girl falls at the-feet of tho j
angel with au exceeding bitter cry. j
"I am indeed a murderess."
Iler own hitter cry awakens Hilda,
and she starts up trembling in every i
limb, to find that the lace scarf around
her throat had caught in tho wicker
chair, which perhaps accounted for j
the choking sensation of her dream. !
The noxt day tho bell of tlie season
said "Yes" to Jack Armstrong, and
sealed with two loving iips tho death i
warrant of tho heartless coquette.
Oil tin? Mix. 1.-islppl illvcr.
The first vessels that ever entered
the Mbr/ssippi from tho sea were the
Pi . frigate Renommoe and Gir
i onde, January 6th, 1700. These ves-
I s; Is proceeded as far as tho Tenesas,
: whicti they reached. April 12. Tho
I first vessel built on the banks of the
Mississippi by white men was launched
in 1341, shortly after tho death and
burial of Do Soto. The boatmen and
early navigators of tho present century
were long iu danger from Indians and
pirates. A notorious resort for these
was Crows' Nest or Stock Island, uud
! many flat boats and crews were sacrificed
i there until these pests were exter- i
! minated by mob law, in 1809. Foi
! the five years following 1822, however,
• the destruction by snags on tho Ohio
' aud Mississippi amounted to $1,362,-
500, though the next five years showed
j hut $381,000 loss from the same cause.
; In 1812 there were 450 steamboats on
the Mississippi and its tributaries,
I 1 with an average burden of 200 tons
- and an aggregate value of $7,200,000. i
In op Tilting these boats about 35,*
i 750 pe/smis v.-ere employed. The
average value of t!io products carried
. each si;iiowas something like S2OO,- j
000, (,:• an nggiv; ate of $90,000,000 Up
I to 1842.
i Previous to tho adoption of steam ;
I navigation the whole .commerce from 1
. New Orleans to the upper country
was carried in about twenty barges,
. j averaging 100 tons each and making
hut one trip a year. There were not
. over 150 keel be.A on the upper Ohio,
. carrying about thirty tons each aud
, making the trip from Pittsburg to
, 1 Louisville and hack iu two months, or
. aliout three voyages a season. From
j 183 J. io 1850 573 boats were lost,
. ! valued at over $7,000,000. In 233
. cases the killed and wounded uggr>
[' j -'.iteu 4(530. The average ago of all
the boats lost was live years. From
, 1816 to 1871 there were A3 explosions,
i involving a lm i of life in each varying
, from Ito 1649.—Pittsburg Dispatch.
I
New York'-; First Water Supply.
[• | la 1798 tlie lu'st drinking ■water wp.s
x, procured at the Tea Water well. This
i ! well received its name from the fact
e I that it was the best to use in making
tea. It was twenty feet deep aud four
feet in diameter, 'i'he average daily
e supply was 14,300' gallons. In hot
e weather as many as 98,080 gallons a
day were sometimes used.—New York
il Herald.
-COWARDICE OF SHARKS.
BIG MANEATERS AS SEEN BY AN
OFFICER OF THE NAVY.
They Won't Attack Two 31 en Togol'ier—
A Splashing Scares Them—Friendlilp
of Shark* and l'ilot Fish—l linliiict of
Sharks in Cages of Death on Ship**.
•'I have had somo experience with
maucators," said a naval officer to a
New York Sun representative, "and I
believe with the Kanakas of Hawaii
that sharks are cowards. In the
space of twenty-five years of seagoing,
a good deal of it in shark-infested
waters, I have never seen or heard of
a case where a maneater, or a whole
school of them, for that matter,
brushed up enough nerve to tackle
two swimming, diving or castaway
men or boys when both stuck to
gether. The most ferocious of sharks
will attack a man only when ho is
alone in the water, and, even then, if
the man has sufficient presence of
mind to keep up a powerful splashiug
on the surface of the water, he has a
good chance to scare the shark off.
"Sharks don't like to tacklo any
thing that churns up the water.
They've got to turn upside down to
get at their prey, and this position
does not enable them to see very well
even when their prey is pursuing au
even or clear courso through the
water, or is quite stationary, in fact;
but when the object tlicy decide to
tackle begins to lash tho water into
foam and Riids, nine times out of ten
they will turn fin and drill out of the
way. Natives of the Pacific islands
are aware of this characteristic, which
accounts for the fact that you lievct
see a Pacific island native swimming
in the sea by himself. He always goes
in with one or more companions for the
sake of the lashing they can all
give tho water together in case
sharks begin to nose , around,
and also because they under
stand the fear tho shark has of attack
ing two or more human beings who re
maiu close together in the sea. Once
in a Avhile one of the swimming island
ilers carelessly permits himself to be
come separated from bis companions,
and this is the opportunity of the shark.
Under such circumstances the man
eater is foxy enough to get between
tho detached man and his companions
and to keep below tho surface of the
sea so that his tall-tale fin shall not
show above the water and reveal his
presence to the doomed native. Then
lie slips uuder his human prey, per
forms his little turning-over trick,
makes an upward swoop every bit as
swift as the lightning-like descent of
an eagle and grabs the native by the
leg, and when tho grabbed man's com
panions notice that ho is missing and
swim out in the direction where they
last saw him—keeping close together
and pounding the water pretty hard—
they find nothing but little eddies of
blood on tlie surface of the water. Tho
native is torn to pieces in a twinkling
by many sharks who, I verily believe,
wait below for tho pulling off of these
baggings.
"Man-of-war's men who have cruised
in tho Southern seas have caught the
trick of the islanders in avoiding swim
ming singly in shark-infested waters,
and in kicking up a great to-do in tho
water in case they become accidentally
separated from their shipmates when
in swimming. Swimming call is
sounded on United States men-of-war
about an hour before sundown on
ships cruising in tropical latitudes—
when the ships arc at anchor in port,
of course—and the men who want to
cool off jump offthe decks by the score.
I have seen old-timers who know sharks
and their cowardly ways hop by the
dozen right into big schools of lierce
lookiug maneaters. They'd all jump
into tho water at tho same time, and
iu less time than it takes for mo to tell
it tho sea a hundred yards away would
be dotted with sharks' lins. They'd
screw their way out of the neighbor
hood of the swimming men just as
quick as tliey knew how, and they
wouldn't come back, either, until tho
galley cooks throw their garbage over
board and thus attracted them back
again.
"Sharks become mightily attached
to the little pilot fish that guide them
around the waters of the sea in search
of eatables. In spite of apparent
energy and activity, sailors who have
made a study of the characteristics of
sharks declare that these cowardly
sea-devils are too lazy to hunt for food
themselves and that they would starve
to death if they were not led around
by their attending pilot fish. Every
full-grown shark has a pilot fish for a
guide, and these little chaps are cer
tainly faithful attendants and foragers.
The pilot fish sails along about ten
feet iu advance of the shark and is
about the uoisest little deep-water fish !
i conceivable. Sailors call tho pilot
fish rubber-neckera, on account of the
general air of curiosity that marks
their every movement through the
water in advance of their big pro
tectors. In return for the service
' performed for him by tho pilot fish,
the shark protects his little guide and
forager from the onslaughts of other
i natural enemies.
j "For t wenty year:-, or so I ridiculed
! the sailors' idea that sharks follow a
j ship on which a deaih is impending.
! We had a boy die of Asiatic cholera
i aboard our ship while wo were in
| Honolulu harbor two years ago last
I August. Jle died in less than ten
( hours after he was stricken. At dawn
of the morning he died the sea for a
j hundred yards around tho ship was
| literally covered with sharks, and wo
killed many of them from the poop
with lilies, hitting some of them half
a dozen times. There had been only
occasional sharks around the ship bo
fore tlmt. The incident convinced
tho men that, if sharks didn't know
when c death impended on a ship,
they haol a'way of finding out about it
*fter the death occurred."
START OF ONE MILLIONAIRE.
Earned Ilis First Ten Dollars Throwing a
Circus Hercules.
"Jlad X caught my train that night,"
laughed tlie man who liad nothing to
do for a quarter of a century but sit
and watch pine trees grow to swell his
bank account, "I would probably be a
farmer now, trying to raise a mortgage
and a few other things. I had gone
to a little town in lower Wisconsin to
see a colt there that a man wanted to
sell me. I was a good judge of stock
and shrewd on a trade, butn greener
country lad never broke into a town.
I would have walked back to the farm
after I found myself too late for the
train, but I saw a handbill announc
ing a show that night, and couldn't re
sist the temptation to see it, though it '
did cost a quarter.
"In my liilaric is appreciation I was 1
more of an entertainment than they |
had 011 the stage, especially as I war.
utterly oblivious to the fact that I did
not look like any one else in the audi- I
ence. Toward the end a huge fellow I
came out, tossed cannon Lulls and lift- !
ed heavy weights. After this showing I
of his prowess he offered $lO to any ,
one whom ho could not throw inside j
of two minutes. I was 'the crack
wrestler in all our section, though
none knew it, and I felt as though the '
challenge was aimed directly at inc. I j
turned hot and cold during a few see- I
onds of iutense silence. Then I !
sprang up, and as I came out of my
old blouse, shouted: 'l'll go you,
b'gosh.' There was a roar of laugh
ter, and then some of those about me
urged me not to go up there and have
ray neck broken. But one old man
told me to go in. It was a tough job,
but I finally threw the giant almost
through the floor with a hiplock.
There was a little hesitancy about giv
ing me the $lO, but the crowd shout
ed till I got it. Then the old man
took mo home with him,and in a week
I hail charge of ail the teams in his
lumber camps. In time I became a
partner, and he cleared the way to
make me rich. That was really at
match for a million."—Detroit Freo
Press.
licftlegod by Sharks.
Will Morrisey and Henry .Tones re
turned to Harper Springs, Fla., re
cently from a trip down the bay, hav
ing been imprisoned on a sand key for
nearly three days by sharks. They
left here nearly a week ago on a hunt
ing and fishing trip. The second day
they succeeded in harpooning a big ,
shark and after half an hour's work
got liiin close to the boat. One of the
boys hit him with an ax and his blood
dyed the water, calling up a score of
sharks from all directions.
The men saw they were in trouble
and they immediately set sail and tried
t) get away. The sharks' followed
thom and began attacking tho boat.
One of them leaped out of the watei
and fell across it, crushing it. By this
time the boat was within a few rods
of Mud Island, a small sandbed of
about an acre in extent. The men
finally got on the key, narrowly escap
ing the ferocious sharks. Their boat
drifted near the land and thGy were
ouabled to secure their provisions
from the water.
During tho night mosquitoes mado
life miserable for them. An inspection
early in the mprniug showed that they
were besieged, as they wero surround
ed by scores of sharks. They swam
around on all sides. Tho men set up
an oar with a shirt tied to it as a dis
tress signal, but it was not until the
second (lay that the crow of a fishing
schooner saw them and came to their
rescue. As the schooner camo to tho
land the sharks made an attack on the
boat, but tho sailors had several Win
chesters and they plied a merry war
for a few moments, shooting eight of
tho big sharks, tho others being fright
ened away.
Couldn't Do Fooled Twice.
There is a fox terrier of remarkable
intelligence installed as ruling factor
in a very happy and harmonious
household uptown, says tho New Or
leans Times-Democrat. One of tho
favorite amusements of tho terrier is
playing with a soft rubber ball. Tho
other day a member of tho family
filled the soft ball with wator. The
terrier pounced upon tho ball, chewed
down on it, squirted the water down
his throat and dropped the ball. After
repeatod efforts he emptied the ball of
water and enjoyed his play. The next
day lie again found the ball full of
water, and for a while seemed very
disconsolate as ho gazed sadly at the
toy. Ho left it for a few minutes, and
then, rushing at the ball, deliberately
stepped upon it with one of his front
i'eet and stood upon it until the water
was all squeezed out.
Squelclilng a Hare With Wit.
A bright answer is put down to the
credit of Dr. Fitchett, brother of the
editor of the Australian Review of Re
views. lie was a member of a Colonial
Parliament, wherein one day a certain
eccentric and elderly member named
Taylor insisted on making a speech on
education. The oration consisted of a
I hyperbolical eulogy of tho Board of
Schools in Mr. Taylor's constituency.
Dr. Fitchett interjected somo jocose
expression of doubt. "Why, sir,"
said tho irate Taylor, turning upon
him, "at this very moment I have a
school in my eye—"
"No; only one pupil, Mr. Taylor,"
retorted the doctor, and the orator's
eloquence was drowned in laughter.—
London News.
Eueh <Jet a Shoo.
A. D. Campbell and Comer Davies,
Northern Kansas editors, are each
minus a leg, Campbell tho right and
Davies the left. When one buys a
pair of shoes lie sends the odd shoe to
the other, both wearing the same size.
Saturday each presented the other
with a new shoo as a Christmas pres
ent.—Topeka telegram to the Chicago
Chronicle.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
When a Girl's Grown Up—A Solution of
the l'roblem—Not a Hopeless Cast-—.
His Line—Putting on Ifer Wraps—
A Fine Itccoinuieiuiution, Etc., Etc.
She has ceased to beliove thore's a roan in
the moon,
But she can't get out of her head
The old idea that there is one
In hiding under the bed.
—Chicago News.
A Solution of the Problem.
"No, YVillie, dear," said mamma,
"no more cake to-night. Don't yru
know you cannot sleep well on a Tu'l
stomach?"
"Well," replied Wellie, "I can sleep
on my back."
Putting on Her Wraps.
She (smiling)—" Your face is too
near to mine."
He—"lt's two inches away, and
that's as bad as a thousand miles."
Sho (poutingly)—"lt wouldn't he
for some men."—Harlem Life.
Not n Hopeless Case.
He —"I shall never marry until I
meet a woman who is my exact op
posite, mentally."
She—"Why don't you ask Miss
Floyd? She is considered oue of the
most intellectual girls in town."—
Truth.
Ills T,ine.
Miss Wabash—"Your friend who
has just left us is something of a
pessimist, I imagine."
Miss Halsted—"lndeed, he isn't.
He's an opticiun, and ho has the
cream of the West Side trade."—Chi
cago News.
Ilt r Assumed Name.'
Zira (in deep whisper)—" There gori
a woman who is living under an as
sumed name."
Zam (disgustedly)—" Bats! Why,
that's Mrs. Brown!"
Zim— "I know it." Her name was
Jones before she was married."
Marvellous Growth.
"Is your town booming out there in
the mining district, Slicks?"
"I should say "so. It's more won
derful than magic. I pitched my
tent in a hole in the ground one even
ing aud when I waked up I was in the
cellar of a union depot."—Detroit
Free Press.
There Were Other*.
Mamie (singing)—"My 'mother was
a lady—"
! Aggie (interrupting)—"Aw, shut
[ up! so wuz mo fadder."
I Mamie—"Wotcher givin' me?"
| Aggie—"Daw's dead right—lie wuz
! de bearded lady in a dime museo for
I t'roe years."—Puck.
A Fine Itecomtnendatlon.
I Her Father—"How do you know
j you love my daughter? You've only
been acquainted a few weeks."
Tho Suitor—"That is true; but I
I seo that you've just negotiated a loan
of $1,000,000. A man who can do
, that is the kind of person I want for
a father-in-law."—Chicago News.
To Please l.itllc Tommy,
Old Lady—"You said the train
| that X should take leaves at 10.30,
; didn't you?"
| Booking-Clerk—"Yes, madam; and
t think I've told jou that about teu
I times already."
I Old Lady—"Yes, "I know you
have; but mv little nephew says he
likes to hear you talk." —Tit-Bits.
Papa Gives Way.
Mamma (to Tiny Tot, who wants to
deprive her younger brother of a
delicacy they have both sot their
j hearts on) —"No, darling, you must
i let baby have it now, and when be
| grows up, aud you are a youug lady,
j he will havo to give way to you."
| Tiny Tot—"ls that why papa al
ways lias to do as you want, mummy?"
—Puuch.
Tho Newest "Safe."
Mr. Harl M. Flatte—"And this is
my music room!"
Visitor (in amazemout) —"Music
room! Why—er—isn't it—er—rather
peculiar?"
Mr. Harl M. Flatto—"Yes; slightly.
You see, when I close the door it is
hermetically sealed. When th ama
teur musicians iu tho neighboring
fiats oommeuce hammering on their
pianos and blowing on their cornets I
retire here, shut the door and am safe."
—Puck.
A Purist.
Boston Conductor—"Fare, please."
Passenger—"What is the fare?"
Conductor—"lt is the tariff or tax
levied by tho corporation owning and
controlling tho charter and franchise
of this streetcar lino on those persons
who avail themselves of the oppor
tunity afforded them by tho company
to secu.'ve moro rapid and agreeablo
transportation than pedal locomotion."
rassongor—"How much is the fare?"
Conductor—"Five cents, please."—
Detroit Free Press.
Conversation.
"Ho will ( come to-night," mused
Beryl.
With a sigh, sho drew back the cur
taius aud gazed out into the darkling
dusk; for lier father's house was built
with a view to convenience, and sho
could do that."
"Wbat shall I say to him?"
The horse show was 110 more; the
six-day bicycle race was a thing of the
past.
She did not understand football.
There was nothing left but the
weather and currency reform.—De
troit Journal.
Candles and Electricity.
Tho estimated total candle power ol
all the eleotrio lamps used in New
York City is placed at 60,000,000.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
'The Polar currents contain less sail
than those from the Equator.
There are 4000 muscles in th
body of a caterpillar, and the eye of i
dragoon fly contains 28,000 polished
lenses.
An international scientific associa
tion was proposed at the meeting o!
tlio British Association in Canada ii
1881, and it is now suggested that thi
year 1900 would be an appropriatt
time to organize such a society.
Some unfortunates, we are told hi
M. Phillipo Tissie, are "born tired*
in a literal sense. The condition i
one of nervous debility transmitted bj
a mother to her offspring as a result d
her own fatigue or exhaustion—a
of poisoning of the child through th*
vitiated blood of the parent.
Some scientists think that th#
earth's interior is composed of white
hot molten matter. Others are of th#
opinion that the pressure is so great
that all substances have been con
donsed beyond our powers of concep
tion. Dr. Young goes so far as to saj
that a block of steel ten feet squar*
would be pressed into a block onlj
two feet square if taken 4000 miles be
low the earth's surface.
Dr. Howard, the new Secretary oi
the American Association for the Ad
vancemeut of Science, writing of th*
manner in which seeds are carried to
great distances by birds, recited an
experience of Darwin which had *
curious result. Adhering to the lcj)
of a wounded partridge, Darwin found
a ball of earth weighing six and a hall
Dunces. From the seeds contained in
this ball ho raised thirty-two plant*
belonging to five distinct species.
The microbes of fevers may bo scab
tered, Professor Charles Tichborne bet
lieves, in dews from sewers. As th
sewer water is usually two or threo
degrees warmer than the cold air of
certain hours of the night, the watery
rapor rising through traps may bo
frequently condensed, when each parti
jle of dew is liable to become a raft OD
which microbes may bo carried foi
miles, to be finally deposited wherever
die dew is dissipated—perhaps in a
Iwelling reached through a warm
shaft.
The phosphorescent lamp on which
Puluj, an Austrian physicist, has been
it work for many years, lias a bulb
much like that of the ordinary incan
lescent lamp, with electrodes of alum
inum wire extending directly through
he wall of the bulb. The negative
pole terminates in a small disc. A
imall square sheet of mica, coated
with sulphide of calcium, hangs from
lie lamp globe and faces the disc.
When either one or both poles are
3onnected to an induction coil or plate
ilectric machine a stream of radiant
jleotricity is reflected from the disc to
he mica, causing the latter to glow
with brilliant phosphorescence.
Two Tcleplionu Stories.
A green-looking man jame to town
.lie other day with a small bucket ol
very white butter to sell, aud called
ju Will Mattliis to buy it. He said
He didn't want any at the store, but
lie would inquire if his wife wanted
nny. So he stepped to the telephone,
sailed her up aud talked for a few
seconds through the instrument. Then
turning to tho countryman, who was
standing with his hands in his poclc
sts, his eyes dilated and liis face very
red, he told him that liis wife said
she would not need any butter. Tho
indignant countryman blurted out:
"Look hero, mister, if you didn't
want any butter, why didn't you say
so? I ain't such a fool as to tfiinlc
that you've got your wife iu that lit
tle box."—Elizabethtown (Ky.) News.
Mr. aud Mrs. J. came to town the
jther day. Tho madam is a large,
muscular lookiug woman, and is evi
dently tho boss of the ranch; while
Mr. J. is a cowed, effeminate-looking
jreature who seoms to bo afraid wliou
tho madam is around. While Mrs.
J. went into Goldnamer's to do soma
shopping, tho little man slipped into
Bell's to get a drink. While ho was
down there he heard the telephone
ring, and inquired what it was. The
mysteries of the instrument were ex
plained and Mr. Bell offered to call
up his wife at Goldnamer's aud let
him talk to her. This seemed to
please him very much, but just as be
got the trumpet to his ear the light
ning struck the wire and knocked
him down. Staggering to his feet ho
said: "That's her; it sounds just like
her."—Louisville Dispatch.
Earthquake ltestored Speech.
Earthquakes as therapeutic agenoies
may yet form the subject of seioutilie
investigation. The recent disturbance
iu Helena was responsible for some
queer things, and the strangest o)
them all, perhaps, happened in the
home of Mr. and Mrs. Charles W.
Marden, where it brought speech tc
their daughter, Etta, who had beoD
silent ten years.
"X don't know whether it was the
earthquake or not," said Mrs. Marden,
"but something made Etta talk, for X
heard her. We were awakened by the
earthquake, which came at 2:30 o'clock
in the moruing. I did not know what
it was, and at tirst thought that some
thing had happened to Etta. I jumped
up and ran to her and said. 'O, Etta,
what is tho matter? To my surprise
sho replied, 'What?' It was only o
word, but it sounded sweet to me.
".Since then I think that Etta line
shown more interest in things.. At
any rate she is improved."—Helena
(Montana) Independent.
A Now Problem in Law.
A numb prisoner who can't read 01
write is providing c. delicate problem
in law for one of the London courts.
He can plc.nl neither guilty tiur no.
guilty, and ts unable to
with his solicitor, which is one ol Mi
privileges. So the question is raised
whether a special act of Parliament
trill be required.