British landlords are said to own 20,000,009 acres of land in this coun try. Germany's proportion of suicides is larger than that of any other Euro pean country. Years ago Prince Bismarck used to spell his name without the "<\" The present spelling does away with the monetary significance of the name Bismark—two marks. The London Echo gives a list of large land owners in Australia. Cue of them has 020,000 acres, another 1,200,000, a third 3,690,000, while the Union Bank owns no fewer than 7,800,000 acres. According to the annual report of hie Interstate Commerce Commission the amount of railway capital in em- j ployment June 30, 1896, was $10,550,- 805,771. This is about thirteen times the size of the present national debt. i The London police are muoh worried over the problem of what to ito with drunken men when in charge of elec tric cabs. They don't know exactly how to stop the cab and they don't know what to do with the cab when it does stop. Florida expects to send 200,000 boxes of oranges North this season, about double the quantity shipped last year. That, however, is but ten per cent, of the yield before the great freeze and will not count for much in the market. An Ohio poultrvman says that the best way to prepare high-bred chickens for poultry shows is to pluck them in the summer. He says he plucks them clean and then rubs the birds with grease. By fall they have a beautiful second coat of feathers. He adds that It doesn't hurt the birds a bit. The birds didn't testify personally. Tlie social democrats in Germany, which means everybody who objects to Emperor William's absolutism and believes in a greater share in the gov ernment for the people, are preparing to get representation in the Prussian diet. They already poll more votes and have a larger number of repre sentatives in the reichstag than any other party in Germany. A member of the British Parliament can not resign. When he wishes to resign he accepts the stewardship of the Chiltern hundreds, a nominal oflicc in the gift of the crown, and paying a salary of twenty shillings a year. No member of Parliament can remain in bis seat after accepting a Government appointment other than a Cabinet posi tion, and this fiction of the steward ship has thus been perpetrated for at least GOO years. The increase of the British army is evidently very seriously considered by the present administration, and the Solicitor General of England, speak ing at a public meeting in Scotland, said that as a large increase in both the army and navy might become necessary, conscription may be intro duced. The statement has called forth comment in all the London papers, for there has been no conscription in Great Britain since the battle of Water loo. The destruction of an Abyssinian Army in Soiaalilanil is a striking.bit of Fate's stern irony. The Italians invaded Abyssinia anil were over whelmed by those who were far le --ueath them in the scale of civiliza tion. Then the Abyssians in turn invaded Somalilunil. and were like wise vanquished by those who were as far below them as they were below the Italians. Complete fitness now re quires the Somalis to get beaten by some still lower tribe, if such can be found. They might, for example, suggests the New York Tribune, in vade Amliara and full prey to the baboons. It is an unusual compliment that the German Government has paid to David San ford, engineer of the Connecticut Shclllish Commission. At the urgent solicitation of the Germans he goes over there to present to Ger man scientists in a series of lectures the results of his study of the oyster anil its enemies. Mr. Sanford will take with him his collection of oysters and their destroyers, said to be the most complete in the world, and tell of the methods followed in cultivating the oyster and destroying its enemies by the planters of Long Island Sound. Germany is trying to restore to its waters the oyster beds that were once a source of considerable income to German fishermen, but that neglect has practically ruined. Mr. Sanford will investigate the trouble and try to find a remedy to suggest to the Ger man Fish Commissioners. FIELDS OF ADVENTURE. THRILLING INCIDENTS AND DARINC DEEDS ON LAND AND SEA. Farmer Lloyd's Oniric Shot Prevented II IK Little Son ISeinjj Carried Oil Uy a ltljt Kaffle-HotanUt Saved From a Monster liaUleanake by a Companion. It wan just inside the New York of tlie future a mile within tho bound aries of the great city. The dusk was closing in upon a perfect day. From somewhere out of tho bound less expanse of blue that marked a cloudless sky. says the New York World, a tiny specie appeared, grew larger, blacker and became the like ness of a gigantic bird. In wheeling circles it flew ever nearer to tlie earth, uttering fierce screams ot hunger every now aud then, and ever coming nearer to the earth. It was an eagle, as wild and savage as any that have brought terror to the Andes. Y'et it was hunting within the circle of Greater New York. Bound and round it swung on pin ions that seemed motionless, in a spiral which meant death to some poor creature. As it reached the lower stratum of air above the present village of (,'edarhurst, in what will soon be the Borough of Queens, there came a sudden and mighty clamor of crows. They rose from wood aud harvested field, an army of frightened and vocif erous enwers, for they knew that a terrible enemy was near. Their alarm probably saved a human life. Right over the farm of prosperous Thomas M. Lloyd the eagle hovered, looking for prey. Soon its sharp eyes found it, for there back of tlie barn was playing little James Thomas Lloyd. He nasa boy of three, fat aud chubby, a most delicious morsel for bird or cannibal. Above him the fierce bird hovered, preparing to de scend, its talons drawn up to strike. Yet the fierce bird hesitated, for there were men in sight. Its hesitation was fatal. While it was hovering undecided the cawing of the crows attracted the attention of the farm hand Max. He thought some hen hawk must he menacing the poul try yard and ran out to see what was the matter. He almost fainted when he beheld the ponderous bird circling above the child of the house, the only sou. "The gun—the gun!" he screamed to Farmer Lloyd, who was luckily not | far away. Anil then he ran toward i the child, swinging his arms and shouting. A moment later Mr. Lloyd appeared at the door of the barn, a shotgun in his hand. In au instant he had taken in the scene. His nerve did not de sert him. He saw the eagle swoopiug toward his boy. He saw the latter on his knees, looking upward without fear, wondering at the big bird over him. Anil then he let Hy the contents of the gun straight at the savage bird. The charge entered its wing and the eagle Hopped, floundered and then pitched headlong to the ground, j The foxy bird closed its eyes, laid its head upon the ground and feigued that it was dead. "Go get a bag," said Mr. Lloyd to Max. The huge bird never opened its eyes nor made offer to move while the hired man was gone. But when he came back with a potato sack, and the two men started to throw it over the head of the bird, it suddenly came to life again and fought with a fury of beak j and talons that left red streaks across I the hands of its human enemies. It was caught at last and placed untamed and savage in a large hen coop. Farmer Lloyd was completely un nerved after the excitement was over. He took his little boy in his arms and wept over him like a child. "What was it, papa, a snipe?" asked the little fellow, looking up in wonder at his father's tears. He had often heard the latter talk about going out to shoot snipe, and he thought that j this must be one. An attempt was made to measure ! the pinions of the bird, but it fought j so fiercely that its captors were glad : to let it go. It was estimated that they ! would measure full twelve feet from 1 tip to tip, aud poihaps even more, it was a monstrous bird. The eagle made short work of a woman visitor's pet dog that tried to make friends. The bird reached out a hungry bunch of talons between two slats of the pen and the dog was trans lated to the happy hunting ground. ClinrmfMl by a Itattlcdnake. Professor Charles Rice, the botan ist, had a thrilling experience with a monster rattlesnake one day last week, and it was only his coolness and pres ence of mind that saved him from death. Frofessor Rice and Doctor Ty nan, the bugologist, were lip in the higher altitudes of the Sierras in search of rare specimens, and were camped at a place called Moore Creek. They had a small tent with them, which they had pitched near a stream of water that was fed by a spring higher up on the side of the mountain. Friday evening of week the professor and his companion, who were completely woiu out with their day's tramp in search of rare flowers and bugs, retired to their tent, rolled themselves up in their blankets, and ' were soon in dreamland. Just as daylight was breaking the professor was awakened from his slumbers by feeling a soft and clammy substance crawling over his face and down onto liis che t, and on raising his head a little to his horror he discovered it was a monster rattlesnake. The reptil i had coiled itself, with its head raised about a foot, and ready r.t the least movement made to strike. Cold drops of perspiration oozed from every pore of the Professor's body, while his muscles became as rigid as bars of iron, and bis eyes be ! came fixed with a stony glare as he gazed at the head of the monster, which was about six or seven inches from his face and swinging from one side to the other with the regularity of a clock pendulum. The suspense was becoming unbearable, but still lie knew that the least move that he made meant death in the most horrible form. How long he remained in this terrible position he does not know, but it seemed ages, when suddenly he felt his muscles re lax, his vision grow dim, everything around him became dark, and in a few seconds he was oblivious to everything around him. The doctor was quietly sleeping a few feet away, unconscious of the terrible danger of his companion. When he awoke the sun was brightly streaming into the tent, and as he rolled over in his blankets toward his companion his blood seemed to chill in his veins at the sight presented to his view. His companion was stretched at full length upon the ground, with his eyes closed and his face as white as a piece of marble, while coiled upon his breast was a huge rattlesnake, ap parently asleep. He quietly seized a shotgun that was standing near by, aud, both barrels, raised it to his shoulder and was about to lire, when he realized that if he did he would probably in jure his companion. Just at this mo ment his companion moved a little, when the snake gave a rattle and again raised his head. The'doctor, seeing his chance, lired, aud at the report of the gun his companion gave a yell and jumped to his feet, throwing the rep tile some three or four feet away from him in its death struggle. The doc tor's aim was true, for the reptile's head was blown completely oft*. On being measured it was found to be four feet nine and a half inches in length and had seventeen rattles and a button. The professor's nerves were so shattered by his terrible experience that he was hardly able to walk, and the following day, in company with his companion, lie returned to this place, where he is at present recuperating under the doctor's care.—Calaveras (Cal.) Chronicle. A Hero of Chitral. Charles Lowe contributes to the Century au article entitled, "The Story of Chitral." Mr. Lowe says. It was 7.15 when the fort was re gained by Townsbend's party, and at eight o'clock Surgeon-Captain Whit church also returned, staggering along under the burden of poor Cap tain Laird, who had been mortally wounded early in the action; hence the failure of his Hanking force of fifty men to co-operate at the expected moment with that of Towushend in a bayonet rush upon tho loopholed vil lage. But'for the most unfortunate wounding of the gallant Baird, the Chitral drama might have taken a very different course. Whitchurch hail brought in Baird by a circuitous route of nearly three miles, in the face of great difficulties and dangers. With a little guard of a dozen devoted Ghoorkas, several of whom were killed anil wounded, they had to tight their desperate way back to the shelter of the tort. Repeatedly had they to set down their wounded charge and rush with the bayonet on suugars, or stone breastworks, thrown up right across their path, Whitchurch himself frequently using his revolver with effect. Bairil was again twice hit by the bullets. That the little party reached the fort at all was re garded as a miracle. But a still greater miracle, almost, was the coming in, or rather creeping in, two hours later, of .Temidar (Lieu tenant) Bab Nawaz Khan, of the Fifteenth Bengal Lancers, —Robert- son's political news-writer, —who, in crossing the polo-ground, had been set upon by the enemy's swordsmen, and received no fewer than eighteen tulwar slashes, but who lived to tell the tale and positively thrive upon his wounds. Out of the oue hundred and fifty of Townshoud's two hundred men who had actually been engaged, twenty-three were killed and thirty-three wounded. What the corresponding loss of foe was could not be ascertained; but the British expenditure of ammunition on this disastrous day had been 15,935 Snider rounds, or about 100 cartridges per man engaged, though much of this was lost through the men lying down with open pouches. A Cougar Shot in III* Doorway. "If T had left my house live minutes later one morning not long since I should have stepped upon a seven-foot cougar in the vestibule," said T. F. Drew, *a mining man from the West. "It was not a camp in the wilderness, hut my house on Pike streetin Seattle, Washington. It was a misty morning when I walked out at the door to go to my place of business. Five min utes later I heard several shots fired back of me in the direction of my house. It was not until my return at noon that I learned that, the shots which T had heard had killed a cougar in my doorway. "The beast had got lost \n the fog and wandered into the town. He was first seen just after I had left the house by the motorman of an electric car, crouching by the wayside in readi ness to spring at the car. The motor man sounded the gong and cracked on speed, and at that the cougar turned, ran into the vestibule of my house and crouched at the doorsill. The motor man hailed my neighbor, Mr. Chapin, now President of a leading bank, and told him about the cougar. Chapin stepped back into the house, got a Winchester rifle and shot the creature where lie lay. It was rather an odd combination, a booming city, the elec tric cars and a cougar crouched in your doorway, but things quite as strange happen now and then in the towns that spring up overnight." Death has all seasons for his own, but the football season is undeniably one of his favorites- liuttcr WuHhiiig. Years ago it was generally supposed that in order to make really tine but ter one must not allow a drop of water to touch it. Of late years, since we began to hear so much about granu lated butter, we have been instructed to wash it in successive waters until this was drawn off clear, or clear from milkiness. It is my opinion that neither one of those policies is the right one to follow. J have tested this matter of wash ing butter for a number of years, and have come to the conclusion that either extreme is to be avoided. To wash it, oven in granular form, until the water runs off clear will give us a butter that will not decay or turn strong so soon as that not washed so thoroughly, but it washes out much of the flavor. On the other hand, while the flavor is enhanced by the washing, the buttermilk left in after working will tend to putrefy, for, as we all know, there is nothing which more quickly spoils and becomes ill sinelling than buttermilk. To work out all the buttermilk breaks the grain and makes the butter salvy. Of course we do not want to do this, so we will wash it in granular form through two or three waters (depending upon quantity of water used and also upon temperature of the butter), work in the palt until thoroughly incorporated, and call it finished.—Mrs. E. R. Wood, iu Jer sey Bulletin. Thi Hoof of the Ho rue. Dr. D. S. White, of the Ohio State University, writes: The hoof is sep arated into three distinct parts. First the wall, which is that portion form ing the front and sides of the shell. Second, the continuation of the for mer reflected inwardly at the heel and extending forward in converging lines as two strengthening bars of bone and known as the "bars." Third, the sole, which is the floor of the hoof, oc cupying the space between the wall and the bars. The hoof-horn is secreted by the continuation of the skin of the body which extends beneath the hoof and covers the tendons, bones and liga ments, like the sock on the human foot. Horn is simply modified hair. Though to the casual observer the hoof may appear a simple piece of an atomy, we find it to be one of the most complex and beautifully arranged ap paratuses of the whole body. About ninety per cent, of the cases of lameness iu the horse find their seat iu the lioof, and as nearly one half our horses become lame after five years of age, it is seen that the care of the hoof is second in importance only to proper feeding and stabling. The caro of the hoof should begin with the foal. In case of irregular wearing away of the hoof, they should be rasped into proper shape. With colts kept in the stable the wall-horn becomes too long (high) and the lay ers separate, resulting in the "hollow wall." The wall near the heel be comes bent under the sole, producing "hoof-bound." The timely and intel ligent use of the hoof-knife is the remedy. The outer edges of the hoof should he rounded off carefully to pre vent splitting of the horn. In paring the hoof we must have regard for the natural form and positiou of the foot. Iu very young animals irregularly shaped legs can be improved by judi cious paring. Shoeing colts to young interferes greatly with the growth of the hoof. . The shod hoof of the adult horse needs even more care than that of the barefooted colt. Shoeing at best is an evil, but it must be resorted to. The shoe should be removed every four or six weeks and the hoof short ened. The popular demand for "plenty of foot (hoof) under the horse" is a grave error. There may be argu ments in favor of allowing the hoof to grow to abnormal length to gain in length of stride, but such a procedure must, in time, lead to disease of the hoof, i. e., the tendons and joints. Moisture is very essential :for the proper development of the hoof. Smearing the hoof with fat is benefi cial. It requires 110 specific formulas or patent ointment. Pure lard suffices, ulycerine should never be applied, as it dries it. Salves should never be pat ou a dirty hoof. Wash first. No ointment can directly stimulate the growth of the hoof, though some'may contend to the contrary. In very wet weather add a little turpentine or wax to the lard. This prevents the hoof from becoming too soft. Use very lit tle oil and apply with a cloth to the upper part of the hoof, to tlio sole and frog. • Farm aiul Garden Notes. You can not afford to let those in ferior apples go to market with the good ones. Saving the old mulching and using it a second time? Don't! It's loaded —with insects and fungi. Burn it. Orcliardists who are using bolts to keep apple trees from splitting claim the boring and boiling does not injure the trees. . Crested ducks are a snost attractive poultry novelty. The birds are not quite as largo as Pekins, but are pure creamy white, and the drake is epe cially gamy and stylish. Professor Bailey says that an annual application of potash should be made on orchards. If muriate of potash be used, it should be applied at the rate of 500 to 700 pounds per acre. There is a rapidly increasing num ber of fanciers with fowls on exhibi tion. The quality of fowls has been in creasing equally fast, however, so that the honor of winning at the show is worth going after. Peach trees should have the ends of long shoots shortened in, that bushy specimens may result, A bushy tree yields more fruit than an unpruned one, and nicely shapped trees are pleasing objects to look upon. Experiments in grafting the apple at the Kansas Station developed the conclusion that whole root-grafted ap ple trees are of no greater value to the buyer than trees grafted on piece roots of live, four or 21 inches in length. Not only does exercise promote egg production, which consequently gives the poultryman the expected profit, but the health of the entire flock will amply repay the little trouble and ex pense of providing them with a place where they can work for their living. It is not so much the kind and amount of food as it is the way it is fed that brings the profits. It sometimes comes handy to utilize a row of shade trees for fence posts (and they make good ones, more rows of trees should be planted with this end in view). The wires should not be stapled directly to the trees, but laths an inch thick and two or more inches wide should be first nailed or bolted to the trees and the wires stapled to the laths. It is very often that the nest in which the ohickens are hatched is so foul with parasites that the chick has a hard time getting a start. This is one ad vantage of artificially hatched chick ens, for they come iuto the world with rarely a bug or insect upon them. This alone helps to reduce the loss by death, and aids in building up u strong and healthy flock. It seldom pays to retain strawberry plants more than two years. 8. Pow ers, strawberry specialist to the Flor ida Experiment Station, says thnt a careful, energetic grower, can turn his beds under every spring and re plant them outright in the fall more cheaply than he can fight crab-grass all summer, laboriously scrape and pick it out of the beds in the fall niul refill the many missing places. To adopt this bold course he should make sure of a generous provision of vig orous young plants early in the fall or late summer, then he may do it fear lessly. Alaskan Vegrtatloii and Climate. "I was surprised to find thnt a large number of things are grown in the section of Alaska which I visited, and I am certain a number of other things could be grown if interest would be taken in this respect. People do not seem to wish tif bother with agricul tural pursuits. They are willing to pay $25 a ton for hay, when they might raise it there themselves. It has to be obtained from San Francisco or Puget Sound. •'I found a large number of native berries growing in the part of tlie country I visited. These comprised blueberries, cranberries and straw berries. The latter havo the finest flavor for the wild variety I ever tasted. "I found that sontheast Alaska is very thickly timbered. In the interior and southwestern section grass grows luxuriantly. Most of the timber is sjiruce. ' 'There is a generally mistaken idea in regard to the climate of the south ern coast of Alaska. The popular idea is that it is very frigid. The coldest it gets in tlio coast region is only ten or twelve degrees below zero. The cold est I ever heard a report of there was thirteen degrees below zero. The an nual temperature is not much colder thnn it is here. Of course, this is only the coast region, where the Jap anese current washes and warms things by its tropical heat. It seldom gets down to zero in that region. "Fish and game are pretty plenti ful. There are two syndicates en gaged in the salmon canning industry, and they have their seines all through the waters."—Washington Star. Steering lly the Nose. French newspapers are suggesting a new system for the prevention of marine accidents, which proposes to place strongly smelling chemicals in floating receptacles to be attached to the existing light buoys and bell buoys. Cliffs and dangerous shoals are very often hidden by thick fogs, which does not allow light to pene trate nor sound to be heard until too late, while the strong smell of some chemical substances would be carried far away and would indicate to the seafarer with a keen olfactory sense at great distance that he is Hearing a dangerous coast. There are a number of strong-smel ling salts that might be used, but it is feared that the distribution of the odor would depfend too much upon the wind. While sound travels, at least to some extent, in an opposite direction to that of the currents of the air, the odor of aromatic chemicals would never be wafted any other way but that the wind was blowing,— Philadelphia Record. WISE WORDS. If a man lias kin it is equivalent to having troubles, i A dollar in a man's pocket is worth ten that he owes. "No man ever distinguished himself | who could not bear to be laughed at." A torn jacket is soon mended, but ' hard words bruise the heart of a child. The trouble about sowing wild oats is, that the same hand that sows must [ do the reaping. A man's cyncism is bounded on the north by his vanity and on the south by his digestion. There is nothing that helps a man in his conduct through life more than a knowledge of his own characteristic weakness. The diligent fostering of a candid habit of miud, even in trifles, is a mat ter of high moment both to character and opinion. You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make earnest effort to confer that pleas ure on others? It takes a life-time experience 'to teach us that we *are our own best friend; tlfat we are our own worst enemy we never learn. A character which combines the love of enjoyment with the love of duty, and the ability to perform it, is the one whose foldings give the greatest promise of perfection. Pleasant retrospections, easy thoughts and comfortable presages, are admirable opiates. They help to assuage the anguish and disarm the distemper and almost make a man des pise his misery. When a healthy body helps to make a healthy soul, the reverse is yet more true. Mind lifts up, purifies, sustains the body. Mental and moral activity keeps the body healthy, strong and young, preserves from decay and re news life. One mounts to eternal life now— not in some vague to-morrow, but to day. Eternal life is a condition, not a period. Live in immortal energies, in noble purpose, in true lift of soul, and one lives at once, and here, the immortal life. His soul has already put on immortality. Development is nowhere so conspic uous as in the history of human in ventions; the gun, the watch, the steam engine, have all passed through many stages of development, every step in which is historically known. So it is j with human, social and political iusti- j tutious, when they are at all advanced. What io a Creole? What is it Creole? A oreole, proper ly and in strict sense, is the child of any foreign parents who is born on ! American Boil. The accepted use of the term, however, is one who is born of French parents in the Franco-Latin .States of the South, especially Louisi- ! ana, Alabama and Florida. In these ; States the creole is the high-caste na tive, but the term has been misued to designate the mixed mulatto races, j descended from French or Spanish 1 fathers and Indian or other native \ mothers; but this use is incorrect in toto. The word comes from the Spanish "orillo," or the word "criada," signifying "born here.' 1 In the gulf coast region the generic term "Day- I go" (a corruption of the Spanish name, ' "Diego") is used to cover all the . mixed races except the creole proper, j He is the very Hidalgo of the coast country; the F. F. V. of the South, as ' it were. He is ever prond of his blue blooded descent, and not infrequently comes from an old and titled family. He is proud, gracious, fond of cigar- ' sttes and sometimes absinthe, and has an inborn boycott 011 labor. The ere- ) cle women have a languid and sinuous beauty and grace of their own, rarely equaled by those of colder blood and skies. It is a fad with the old creole families of Now Orleans not to mix socially with the American society. A type of the class is Madame Latour, in De Leon's novel, "Creole nnd Puritan," 1 a grnnd dame of eighty, who knows no ! word of English and has never crossed ' Canal street.—Atlanta Journal. The Decrease of Immigration. The report of the Treasury Depart- ! ment for the last lise.nl year shows that the tide of immigration is at the I lowest point since 1882. While tho j diminution of the number of the most , undesirable classes of immigrants is gratifying, it is not reassuring to I know that the most accepable classes, | those from Germany, England, Ire- I land, Sweden and Norway are becom ing fewer each year, and that their places are being taken by Russians, Poles, Italians and Huns. The changed conditions mean that the su perior nationalities are giving xvav be fore the inroads of the inferior ones: I that literacy is yielding to illiteracy in j immigration; that instead of the better classes of Europe coming to us to be come citizens, the bad and indifferent I classes, who do not propose or desire to become citizens, are pouring into our ports. No immigrant is a desirable one who is not healthy in mind and body, and who docs not intend to be come an American citizen in fact as well as in pretense.—Atlauta Constitu- ' tion. Passing of a Historic Spot. Washington Point, one of the old landmarks of the Palisades of tho Hudson, which tradition says was where General Washington watched the deportation of the American Army after it had crossed the Hudson in its retreat from Fort Washington, is rap idly disappearing, being blown down by a firm of street contractors for use as macadam for roadways. The point was purchased by these road contrac tors some time ago, and the blasts re move from 100,000 to 000,000 tons of it at a time. A blast is being pre piltod now which will dislodge GOO,OOO tons of rock. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Just Like Her— Profitable Patient—Llter nry Note—Selflsli—Another Use of It— Consolation Clinlnless Joke Out of 11 i class—A Last Resource, Etc, "I never shall love again," he cried; ''All, yes you will," said she; "A year fro in now you will wonder how You could ever have worshiped me." Fie went his way—when a year had passed He hud learned to love again. And it made the girl who had sent him hence "As mad as a settin' hen." —Chicago News. Profitable Patient. She—"l'm sorry to hear you've lost four patient, Dr. Jones." He—"But he was ill a long, long time."—Punch. Literary Note. "What wonderful guides and coun j Belors books are." j "Yes; especially bank books."—De | troit Free Press. Another Use of It. "Oh, dear! I wish I hail money 1 enough to be charitable." j "And if you bad?" "I'd take a trip to Europo on it."—- Life. Chainless Joke. He—"You won't know me when T get my new chainless wheel." She—"Why?" He—"Because I'll bo riding around incog."—New York Sun. Out of Ills Class. Schoolma'ara (encouragingly)— "Come, now, Harold; spell chickens." ! Harold—"Please, ma'am, I'm not old enough to spell chickens; but you can try me on eggs."—Judge. Hellish. She—"You pay fifty dollars a month for cigars, and yet you grumble when I want ten or fifteen dollars for a new : hat." ! He—"Well, I don't smoke hats." A Last Resource. Rev. Mr. Dullboy (who is calling)— "Can I help you with that wakeful baby?" Mrs. Wearywife—"Yes, you can. Preach a sermon, please."—The Yel low Book. Emptied. Mrs. Newwed (proudly)—"l knew nothing of house-keeping when we were married, but it didn't take me long to get my hand in, did it, John?" Newwed—"Not according to my empty pockets."—Life. Consolation. "There is one idea that every spin ster secretly cherishes." "What is it?" "That lots of men wish they had married her instead of the girls thej did marry." —Chicago Record. To Part Forever. He (trembling)—"l have one last wish to ask you before we pa-part for She—"Wha-what is it, George?" He—"Wi-will you meet meet on Th-Thursday. as usual?" She —"I will, George."—Judy. Repartee. "Where can a man get a shave around here?" asked the stranger. "I get shaved on my face"' an swered the policeman. "Indeed?" replied the other. "That barber is taking chances when he trusts you."—New York Journal. Eurlv American IllHtory. "A door," said Aaron Burr, "is not a door when it is ajar." "There are many points to that joke," was the comment of Alexander Hamilton, as ho sipped his port, "be cause it is a chestnut, Burr." The duel followed.—lndianapolis Journal, An Explanation. "Miss Passeigh says she thinks flowers are the most suitable birthday remembrance that a friend can give," remarked Willie Wisliington. "Yes," commented Miss Cayenne. "She wants something that won't last from year to year."—Washington Star. The End of Her Earth. "Before we were married," she pro tested, "you declared you would go to the end of tho earth to make me happy I" "Yes," he replied, coldly. She shuddered. Had he already run through her real estate?— Detroit Journal. What They Ho. "What does your Auxiliary Society at the church do?" asked Mr. Haw kins of Mrs. Hawkins, when that good lady returned from the meeting. "We take the garments made by the young girls in the St. Jonah's Guild and make 'em lit to wear," replied Mrs. Hawkins.—Harper's Bazar. Her Uncertainty. Ethel—"Oh, deal ! I don't know what to think! Algy asked me last night if I wouldn't like to have some thing around the house that I could love, and that would love me." Edith—"Well?" Ethel—"Well, I don't know wheth er he means himself or whether ho is thinking of buying me a dogl" —Tit-Bits. The <Jualillcation. Her Father—"You have the nerve to ask mo for my daughter, sir; the joy of my old age, the priceless jewel in my diadem?" Her Adorer—"That's what—and I want the jewel and the diadem thrown in." ' Her father—"ln that case you can •have her. I'm looking for a man with for her."—Tha Yellow Book,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers