The Greco-Turkish disturbance has had the effect of making Friday after noon in the conntry school fairly redo lent of "Marco Bozzaris." Twenty years ago a new postmaster in New York City would have the pow er to appoint 2000 subordinates, while now there are but two positions not oovered by the civil service rules. The Louisville Courier-Journal says: Viewed from nearly every standpoint the outlook for the farmer is becoming more encouraging. We have divine assurance that seed time and harvest shall not fail, and if our crops do not continue in over-abundance we are sure of enough and to spare. The misfortunes of India and of the Le vant will inure to our benefit. Un questionably a better day seems dawn ing for our great agricultural interests. Mr. Germain, United States Consul at Zurich, Switzerland, reports that within a year the price of aluminum will fall to about twenty-seven cents a pound, so that only three commercial metals—iron, lead and zinc—will be cheaper. Last year the output of aluminum, owing to its comparatively high price, was 14,740 pounds daily, of which 4193 pounds daily were pro duced in the United States. This year the plants will be increased to bring the daily product up to 42,400 pounds. Says Professor Davidson in the Forum: "The true test and proof of Greece's indomitable spirit of culture is her educational system. I have visited Greek schools throughout the land, from the infant school kept by the peasant in the open air, against a sunny hovel wall, to the Arsakeliou, or girls' academy, and the noble univer sity, with 2200 students. Greece is aui l>ly able to govern and civilize the lauds now wasted by Turkish misrule. The sums of money given by rich Greeks for schools, and the hardships under gone by the children of the poor in re mote districts to avail themselves of these, have no parallel anywhere, save in the United States and Scotland." The managers of a Massachusetts watch factory are trying to replace high-priced men in what has hitherto been an exclusive employment with low-priced women, states the New Or leans Picayune. The finishing work in a watch factory is said to he a trade secret, and the possessors of the secret are forbidden by their trades union rules to teach the process to women. Some one has, however, been teaching women secretly at the factory. For a number of weeks past several girls have been employed in what has been known as the "emergency-room," which has been shut oft' from view. A number of finishers were taken from the main room and put to work there in order that the girls might observe exactly how the work was done. Tt is stated that there is only one woman finisher in this country, and she learned the secret from her father in Switzerland. Women are well adapted for the work, and it will be only a short time before they will become expert finishers. The strangeness of truth has often been commented upon as exceeding the most fanciful flights of fiction. An illustration of this is furnished in the career of John Joseph Nouri, who has been crowned patriarch of the Chal dean Pontifical Cathedral at Trichur, Malalar, and is ruler of the Syrian Chaldeans. Four years ago he was committed by Judge Walter H. Levy to the asylum for the insane at Napa, Cal., and there he remained until Sep teinber, 1893, when, by the efforts of M. M. Foote, President of the Cali fornia Association for the Protection of Persons, he was restored to liberty. When released from the asylum Nouri claimed to have been robbed of four medals studded with diamonds, valued at S2OOO, the gift of the Chaldean Greek church, of a negotiable note for $2500 and of his credentials. Dr. Chalmers Eaaton believed in him and helped him on his journey eastward. Later on he displayed his knowledge of Greek, and in Washington, D. C., at the Smithsonian Institution trans lated the hieroglyphics on some tablets there with surprising ease. Intent on making his journey around the world, he traveled on to London and from there came in May, 1894, the storj that he intended to sue the United States Government for $5,000,000 dam ages for his ill treatment while on hie sojourn here. Now comes the climax to the story in the letter from Rev. John H. Barrows, of Chicago, who is travel ing in India, declaring that John Jo seph Nouri, the deposed King of the Chaldeans, has been restored, that hit claims have been recognized and thai the man who was booked as "unkempt and with lack-luster eye of a lunatic" is living in spleudor in a palace in Tri chur. - • " """ She Said She Would Be Bo**. The candidate for Superintendent of Fublic Schools in Henry County, Ken tucky, is a bright young Southern girl, whose past record shows her to possess many qualities necessary for such a position. Miss Rose Jessie—that is the candidate's name—began her public career at the age of fourteen. To as- | sist her mother in supporting a large family she succeeded in getting a posi tion as a teacher. Her opening speech , at the beginning of the school term was worthy of the daughter of a gallant Colonel in the Confederate Army. It has become historic. "I will be boss here," she said, "and I need no assistance from any one." This was said before the assembled parents of her young charges, and, his tory says, gave them particular pleas ure and confidence iu her methods.— ! New York Times. Mrs. Benton McMillin. Mrs. Benton McMillin, a Louisiana lady, is the daughter of James M. Fos ter, of Louisiana, the largest cotton planter iu the world. Under a single fence he has more than 11,000 acres of rich alluvial land, and his annual out put exceeds 10,000 bales. He is a strong manager of men, and upon his rich domains his word is law. Before daylight on Monday morning he leaves his home in the city of Shreveport, and for a week his home knows him no more. He spends his days and his nights on his magniticeut plantation. His children have had every advantage that money would bring. One son graduated at West Poiut and died shortly after his service iu the army began. Mrs. McMillin, who was Miss Lucille Foster, was educated where Mrs. Cleveland enjoyed similar ad vantages, and every element of culture became hers by right of honest, hard work. Mrs. McMillin is a prospective heiress to the extent of half a million, and the Tennessee Congressman has a helpmate who is both intellectually and financially far above par.—New Or leans Picayune. Loudon Women Americanized. i London society has become Ameri canized iu tone in the course of the , last quarter of the century. The rest- ful and domesticated women who were content to sit at home and work em- , broidery by the square mile survive j now only in the country,'.if they are to be found even there. To them has succeeded a new generation, which 1 loves not rest and adores actiou. The fair ones of our time love to be up aud doiug. Like their American sis ters, they are endowed with a high 1 proportion of nervous energy, which has to be worked off ouce in the the twenty-four hours. They have an infinite capacity for "getting through things." They will do as much in the morning as would have satisfied their grandmothers for a week, and then are prepared to skate or pay visits all the afternoon, drive out, and go to a succession of parties in the evening. To women of this calibre what would have seemed to the ladies of a preced ing generation a whirl of dissipation is merely a common round which serves just to occupy the day. With less they would be dull. They are pre pared to do twice or thrice as much in "the season." And the second reason is like the first. During the quarter of a century re ferred to above there has been grad ually growiug up in the upper strata of the social system a change similar to that which came over Europe in the Renaissance period, aud again in the middle of the seventeenth century.— London World. The New Woman in n New Role.l~ The new woman will not be afraid of spooks, that is one comfort, and consequently that infautile supersti tion will die out, which will be a great gain. It is related, in this connection, that 011 Tuesday, at Mills Valley, in New York, Egbert Sears was beaten and severely injured while masquer ading as u ghost at the residence of Julia and Etta Hart, two maiden sis ters living alone. Sears secreted him self before daylight in the woodshed dressed in the conventional white robe and with his face painted a ghastly hue, aud gave out some ghostly groans. When the sisters appeared upon the scene, the ghost stated in a hoarse voice that years ago he had been mur dered near the place, and that his spirit would haunt it forever. Did the timid sisters scream and faint? Not much. They simply armed themselves each with a heavy cudgel from the woodpile, fell upon that poor ghost and beat him to unconsciousness. Then they proceeded after the usual fashion to resuscitate him and to send him to his home in the neighborhood, where he is receiving medical atten tion to heal his numerous wounds and bruises. The sisters are not a bit sorry, either, that they punished him so roundly. They think it will be a salutary lesson for him, as well as for other practical jokers who think it a smart thing to try to frighten unpro tected women. "And so say Ave all of us."— Trenton (N. J.) American. Gossip. * The Colorado Legislature has passed a bill making women eligible for the militia. Manual training for girls is to be 1 introduced in the public schools of Chicago. Iu actress Avhuihas turned evange- list has been holding meetings in To peka, Kan. There were only 563 women among the 15,740 physicians in the Russian empire on July 1, 1895. Connecticut has fifty-four women who are daughters of soldiers who fought in the revolutionary war. A few women have served as letter carriers in England for several years and have given general satisfaction. Methodist conferences # in New Hampshire and Maryland have voted in favor of the admission of women as lay delegates. Mrs. Charles Howard, of Baltimore, Md., is the only surviving child of Francis Scott Key, the author of "The Star-Spangled Banner.' An amiable English woman is ex pending her energies on the formation of a society for the encouragement of cycling among domestic servants. In NeAV York City the other day a young woman while bending over a wash tub was killed by a corset steel which broke and pierced her heart, f Mrs. John Sherman is exceedingly well-read and deeply interested in cur rent events. Next year she and Sec retary Sherman will be able to cele brate their golden wedding. Elle Scarlett, the elder sister of young Lord Abinger and daughter of the former Miss Magruder, of the United States, has begun the study of surgery at the London Hospital. Mrs. Georgia A. Stebbin has been keeper of the North Point Lighthouse, Milwaukee, Wis., twenty-three years, and is one of the oldest women iu poiut of suoli service in the world. Miss Mary A. Ingleton, of Newark, recently deceased, bequeathed S3OOO to the New Jersey Historical Society, the income to be expended in indexing and cataloguing its books and records. A Philadelphia woman suffragist has prepared a flag which she calls the "woman's flag." It is a blue field, with four white stars —one star for each State where woman suffrage pre vails. The will of Mrs. Maria Grout Moen, widow of Philip L. Moen, of Worces tcr, Mass., bequeathed SIO,OOO to the Hartford Theological Seminary and numerous smaller sums to other insti tutions. A marble bust of Frances E. Will ard is to be presented to the North western University, at Evanstown, 111., by Mrs. J. C. Shaffer, of Chicago. Miss Willard is an alumna of that in stitution. Lady Foley, the last of Queen Vic toria's bridesmaids, save Lord Rose bery's mother, the Duchess of Cleve land, has just died. She was a How ard, the daughter of the thirteenth Duke of Norfolk. Mrs. Jessie Benton Fremont, widow of the once famous "Pathfinder," is living at Long Beach, Cal., and still keeps up an active interest in the phi lanthropic work to which much of her life has been devoted. Only three ladies of the royal rank survive who lived in the Tuileries. They are the Empress Eugenie, the Princess de Joinville, and the aged daughter of Louis Philippe, the Prin cess Clementine of Saxe-Coburg. Nowadays, when women are just venturing to ride horseback astride, it is interesting to know that QUeen Anne, consort of Richard 11. of Eng land, was the first woman to ride a side-saddle, previous to that women riding as did the men. The Empress Frederick is rapidly completing her plans for making the old Sehloss at Krouberg a historical museum, which she will present as u gift to the town of Krouberg. It is being restored at great expense under her supervision, and art treasures will be added. Fashion Note*. Foulard silks are among the very fashionable summer fabrics. Canotier cloth is a new fabric used in making yachting costumes. Turkish red is the latest shade o! this extremely fashionable color. Cloth and silIT and wool costumes in tailor style are just now receiving special attention. Tabs of white lace of white chiffon or mousseline-de-soie, edged with lace, are also popular. There is an indication that the col | ored-ribbon stock has had its day and [ that its popularity is on the wane. ; Black lace over colored silk is once I more in vogue, and the organdies and [ transparent lawns are sufficient tc tempt the most austere of women in [ extravagance. I Some of the new tauor tTOstumes t have bolero fronts and narrow postilion i backs. The vest is a fitted blouse of i fancy silk, laid in soft folds across the - front or else tucked to form a deep i yoke. Many waists and vests to wear un f der open-fronted jackets are made with inch wide or even wider tucks, across the yoke portion, a fashion verj , favorable to slender figures, but by nc means becoming to those who need " nothing to accentuate width. Hori zontal trimming is most popular, but, R as just stated, it is better suited to tail 1 shadow women than to those whose inches are fewer and whose breadth if - considerable. HOUSEHOLD .AFFAIRS. Fried Bread Instead of Vegetabled. Cut some bread, which, though stale, is still light and soft, into lingers half au inch thick; dip them in' milk and let them drain for a while. Dredge a little flour over them and fry thein iu a little hot butter in a frying-pan. Pile them, pyramid-fashion, in a hot dish and serve with gravy. Oxtail* and flow to UHP Tliem. V First always cut the tail into neat joints and soak for an hour in salted water. Next set in a stewpan, cover with cold water, add salt, and bring slowly to a boil. Strain off the water, rinse the pieces of meat in warm water, and set in a stewpan sufficiently large for the oxtail to lie over the bot tom, add vegetables to flavor. Cover with water and stew very slowly for three hours. After that time remove the smaller joints and allow the larger to cook for another hour. It is very necessary, when preparing oxtail, to let it cook slowly.—Chicago Record. An AHi.nrajfus Omelet. Eggs seem to have a peculiar affinity for asparagus, their combination being possible iu a number of ways. An asparagus omelet is one of them. Boil a pint of asparagus tips, cut in pieces a half inch wide, in salted water for twenty minutes, drain, and keep on a hot plate; beat six eggs until tliey are light and foamy, add one-lialf tea spoonful pepper and one cup of milk. When the walnut-size lump of butter is hot in the ehaling-dish or omelet pan, put iu the mixture, cover, and let stand till firm, folding in the asparagus just before turning out oil a hot platter.—New York Post. _ Brain Cake*. Wash about five ounces of calves' brains in cold water, then set in a a stewpan, cover with cold water, sea son with salt aud two sage leaves. Set the pan on the stove, and when it comes to the boil skim the broth thor oughly and simmer for ten minutes, take out the brains and put on a plate; when the brains are cold cut into Huiall pieces and mix with three ounces of bread crumbs; wash some parsley, squeeze dry and chop a small tea spoonful. Place a level teaspoonful of butter in a stewpan, put it on the fire, and when melted add one ounce of Hour, half a teaeupful of stock and the chopped parsley. Stir the sauce till it boils and thickens; add the bread crumbs and chopped brains to the sauce, and season with grated nutmeg, pepper and salt. Beat the yolk of an egg, add it to the sauce and stir over the fire till cooked, then turn the whole mixture onto u plate aud let it cool. After an hour make the mixture into cakes of equal size, dredging them with flour to prevent their sticking. Brush over with egg, roll in bread erumbs and set in a frying-basket, nook in boiling fat until a golden brown; this will take about two min utes, aud the cakes must be touched very little with the hand. Stand 011 thick paper to drain near the fire. To serve, arrange tastily 011 a hot dish aud garnish with fried parsley. ... . Household Hints. -.c,a. Vegetables that have been a little touched by the frost may frequently be restored by soaking them for a time iu cold water. Put a tiny bottle of flaxseed in th traveling bag. Should a cinder be blown into the eye a flaxseed will soon And it, and may save a great deal of pain and an inflamed eye. A cooking teacher says that the Whites of eggs can be beaten most quickly if a pinch of cream of tartar in the proportion of an eighth of a tea spoonful to each egg he first added. Fruit brought from a cellar to lie eaten unpared should be rubbed vigor ouslyjjwith a damp cloth to remove the invisible germs of bacteria which flourish iu a damp, close atmosphere. Clean finger marks from painted walls with a damp cloth dipped in whiting. Rub discoloration* caused by scratching matches with a cut lemon, followed by the damp cloth dipped iu whiting. Keep u box of powdered borax near the work table. Add a little to the water in which the dish towels and dish cloths are washed. They will wash easier, keep sweet longer, and the borax will aid in keeping the hands soft. Brighten the colors in a carpet by sweeping it with a broom flipped in salt water, shaking well to remove all surplus water. The broom should be damp, not wet. Use damp earth to remove the dust when carpets are lifted. Before broiling steaks open all the draughts to make the coals bright and clear. Hold the meat a few minutes at first close to the glowing coals, then turn. This will seal the juices, when it may lie finished at a distance of sev eral inches above the coals. From a broiled steak little or no juioe should escape. Loops for hanging up garments are always wearing out and breaking, par ticularly with children's cloaks and coats. To make a serviceable loop cut a strip of kid from an old glove, roll in it a piece of coarse string, ami sew the edges of kid neatly together. This loop, fastened securely to the gar ment, will stand any amount of pull ing without wearing or breaking. Wash silver that is not in daily use in soapy water, wipe and dry a few minutes in a warm oven, then wrap in tissue paper. Do not allow one piece to touch another. Place tissue paper between, Put the teaspoons and other small pieces in a quart can and her metically seal. Put knives, forks and tablespoons in a two-quart can. They will not tarnish, and will require no polishing when wunted for use. A healthy man or woman averages seventy steps a minute in walking. Artichoke*. The wonderful productiveness and ease with which the improved arti choke can he produced is always a surprise to those who cultivate them for the first time. They are excellent food for cattle, sheep, hops and horses, and one of the cheapest and heultbiest foods raised for hogs. For milk cows they exceed any root grown for increasing the flow of milk. Last winter they were testwl ut the! Fremont. Creamery on a small scale : and the report was good. The nutrition of an urticlioke is in the form of sugar in solution, there fore always ready ionise with very lit tle internul preparation on the part of the user. They are highly important because no insect, blight or rust lias yet struck tliem, and the tops make a fodder superior to corn when prop erly handled. All acre will keep from twenty to thirty hogs during the fall and winter months. The improved variety is very easy to be eradicated after once being planted. My plan is to keep the bogs in the patch a little late in the spring; they will take the last one in the ground. The variety I grow is the Improved White French; they grow to be about six feet high, and in tlie fall are cov ered with a yellow blossom. Tliey grow very compact in the ground, making it very easy digging them. They often yield as high as 800 bushels per acre. Low black soil which is too frosty for corn and many other crops is line land for the artichoke, for freezing will not hurt them. I must give my method of keeping tliem through winter, for this is very important. Last winter I kept 700 bushels in pits without losing a bushel, I picked out a dry spot and shoveled out a pit not over ten inches deep and about five feet wide, and as long as convenient. I piled tlie tubcrß up to a peak and put oil a shal low layer of straw on top to keep the dirt from rattling through, and then I shoveled 011 dirt not to exceed five inches deep. If more dirt is put on they will surely heat and spoil, and if they freeze it will not injure them in the least.—J. H. Van Ness, in Farm, Field and Fireside. The Awakening; In florae Breeding. v ' It is somewhat refreshing to notice the change that has recently come over the spirit of the farmers' dream in regard to horse-breeding, says Alex ander Galbraith in Breeders' Gazette. They seem to be awakening at last from their Kip Van Winkle slumber of the last few years only to discover that their position is similar to the foolish virgins who had 110 replacing oil for their lamps when the present supply gave out. The farmer realizes that neither he nor his neighbors have any colts growing up to lake the place of the old horses, nor to supply that con stantly-increasing demand from the cities for more and better horses. He hears of splendid prices being paid for heavy-harness horses (a neighbor of mine sold a high-stepper for S4OO last week), but of course regrets he lias 110 horses to sell and may even require to buy one or two for spring work, lie has for the past two years admitted theoretically that good horses were bound to become scarce and dear, but somehow lmd not tlie cour age to resume breeding when every body else had abandoned it Now the situation is becoming serious and appeals with a good deal of force to his better judgment, so without waiting for his neighbors to act the thoughtful, intelligent farmer has determined to breed every good mare on the farm this spring and per haps to purchase oue or two additional mares for the same purpose. Not only so, but be is equally determined to patronize nothing but the very best stallions that can he obtained. He reasons as follows: "A offers me the services of his stallion for $5. The stallion being of 110 particular breeding or merit the colt would bring me SSO ut maturity. The service of B's horse is sls, but. in this case tlie stallion is a good individual and well bred, and, barring accidents, the colt will sell for SIOO to $l5O. Consequently I cannot afford to use the cheap sire, as there is but $lO difference in the value of the colts. That $lO judiciously in vested in the services of a good sire will yield a far better return than any thing else I know of." * It lias been tlie writer's privilege during the last three winters to discuss the subject of liorse-breeding and our horse supply at the farmers' institutes throughout tin- of Wisconsin, and it is really remarkable to observe the increased interest shown by the farmers in this subject during the past season. Two years ago few would listen with any degree of patience to anything that might be said 011 the subject. Last year they generally ad mitted the force of tlie arguments, but nothing more, while this year they have not only shown an intelli gent interest by their numerous ques tions and ideas, but many have re mained after the meetings to inquire specifically about breeding stock, and indicated their definite intention of resuming breeding operations this •living. And there is one thing 011 which they are all agreed, and it is a hope ful sign, viz.: that in order to succeed they must breed for a specific pur pose and that they cannot raise draft horses worthy of the name from light 1200-pound mares nor carriage horses from uiares of draft blood. If tlie farmer has drafty mares of 1500 pounds or over let him select from the breed of his choice the best draft stallion in his district, possessing weight and quality combined, and it there are npne in the district try to procure one from some reliable breed er either alone or jointly with his neighbors. Probably never will such a favorable opportunity occur again in our time for obtaining first-class, highly-bred draft stallions and mares greatly under the cost of production, if, [however, the farmer lias trotting bred or light-harness mares he should select for use a 1200 to 1300-pound sire of the hackney or coach or car riage type possessing the indispensa ble characteristics of style, quality, action and good back-breeding, and if he uses ordinary judgment in mating and raising his colts he will without doubt find himself eventually on the high road to success. Farm anl < turtle 11 Note*. In perfectly ripe cream, fifty-two de grees is the point of best separation, anil because it is warmer often causes failure. Experiments at the Minnesota station show that the early castration of lambs has the following advantages; They reach a greater weight, are less trouble, they have less offal when killed, their meat is better in flavor. * When it requires more time to save a thing than the article is worth after it has been cared for we are losing money. The person who expends a dollar's worth of time to save twopence will prove a business failure if he follows the plan throughout life. Jumping from shallow to deep plow ing all at once usually results in a de creased crop yield at the succeeding harvest. The soil should be gradually deepened by letting the plow bring up a little of the subsoil each year till the desired depth is reached. There is no reason why a farmer should pay fifteen cents for beef and sell bis chickens for less, nor should he be content with pork aud potatoes when he cau have poultry on his table. If the markets are dull and prices are low the best place to dispose of the surplus is at home. Get special customers for your but ter and furnish it every week. It is worth a few cents per pound to the customers to know that they are eating pure, clean butter and uot oleo, or some other manufactured stuff, and there is a big difference between cash and trading out butter. (torn fodder contains more starch than clover, while clover is richer in protein. A ration of both clover and fodder is excellent where no grain is allowed, as is sometimes the rule in warm weather. A mixed ration is bet ter at all times than to rely entirely upon one kind of food, and for all classes of stock. Parsnips are highly relished by all kinds of stocks aud can remain in the ground during the winter. They pro duce from 400 to 1000 bushels per acre, according to soil aud cultivation. If only a small plot is devoted to them they will lie found a welcome addition to the stock rations iu winter by afford ing a greater variety. If manure has any value, it is prob ably fermenting, even in the coldest weather, if left in a pile. A slight covering of dry earth will absorb am monia, and will, if left on while the manure rots down, make it nearly or quite as rich as the manure itself. Its work in absorbing ammonia continues even when the pile is turned. The average yield of milk per cow for all the cows in the country in 1850 was 700 quarts a year. In 1890 the average was 1300 quarts per cow for a year. This increase has been accom plished by the greater use of improved breeds, aud is equivalent to nearly doubling the number of cows by esti mating from the amount of miik de rived in 1890. Butter and eggs seem really made to go together, and nothing fits better on a dairy farm than a moderate lot of chickens. Not only do the latter con sume the waste milk products with profit, but those who pay the best prices for golden bntter will be quickest to buy the fresh eggs and the fat poul try. They mutually help each the sale of the other. The ltallroail Man'. Condition. Among a batch of stories attributed to President Lincoln is the following good one on President Tyler; "Dur ing Mr. Tyler's incumbency of the offioe he arranged to make an excur sion in some direction and sent his sou 'Bob' to arrange for a special train. It happened that the railroad superin tendent was a strong Whig. As such he had no favors to bestow on the President , aud informed 'Bob' that his road did not run any special trains for the President. 'What,' said 'Bob,' 'did you not furnish a special train for the funeral of President Harrison?' 'Yes,' said the superintendent, 'and if you'll bring your father iu that condition you shall have the best traiu on the road.'" SUNSHINE. I A lesson In itself sublime, A lessou worth enshrining, Is |his: "I take no heed of time,. ■ftve when the sun is shiniifg." AP life Is sometimes bright and fair, And sometimes dark and lonely. Let us forget the toil and eare. And "note bright hours only." The darkest shadows of the night Are just before the morning; ' A. l ? let 118 w,i,t the <,om,n K light, All boding phantoms scorning. And while we're passing on the tid#' Of Time's fast ebbing river, Let 8 pluck the blossoms by its sido And bless the gracious giver. HUMOR OF THE DAY. ' There's Charley Skates in black. I wonder if he is in mourning for his sins." "No, I don't think they're all dead yet."—Truth. Jinks -"Was his father a great man.' ' Binks—"l guess so; he doesn't seem to amount to much himself."- New York Advertiser. Spykes— "Do you have any trouble meeting your creditors?" Spokes— "Not at ail. I find my trouble in dodg ing them."—Detroit Free Press. Freddy—"What is a bucket shop, papa?" Papa—"A bucket shop, my son, is the business place of the broker across the way."—New York Adver tiser. "Did you get yonr name cleared in that investigation?" asked the Alder man's friend. "No," was the gloomy answer. "It is still mud."—Philadel phia Journal. Blizzard Bill-—"I have seen cyclones out West that blew the bark offtrees." Texas Tom—"That's nothing, j saw one once that blew the hark oir a hull dog."—Truth. To "Header:" To-morrow will be Wednesday. To-morrow isn't Wednes day, substantially for the same reason that yesterday isn't Monday. Grasp it?— Chicago Tribune. The St, Louis Post Dispatch says that there is no State in the Union in which anybody but a funny writer says "sah" for "sir." Yes, sub; that'* so, sub.—Chicago Times-Herald. "At what age does a man really be gin to feel the weight of years?" "Usu ally on his twenty-first birthday; and it takes the Bensation at least four or Ave years to wear off. "—Cincinnati Enquirer. "And would you love me just as much, count, if I were a poor girl?" "How can you doubt me? I would love you just as much as you would me if yon should find out that I wasn't a count."—Standard. An Unconscious Explanation: First Chappie—"l wonder now, Charlie, how the donkey ever came to he used as the—-er, emblem of stupidity?" Second Chappie (with a yawn)—" Don't know, I'm sure, deali boy; it must have been before our day. "—Brooklyn Life. "What would our wives say, if they knew where we are?" said the captain of a Liverpool clipper, feeliug his way along the hanks of Newfoundland in a thick fog. "I wouldn't mind what they said," rejoined the mate, "if we only knew where we are ourselves."— Household Words. Philadelphia Man—"Well, you cau make all the fuu yon want to of our slowness, hut I know one country chap who came here and made 850(1,001) in three months." New Yorker—"ls that so? How did he make it?" Phila delphian—"Got a job in the mint."— Cincinnati Commercial-Tribune. Slurs of the Ignorant:" There are entirely too many offices," said a pri vate citizen. "How you fellows do like to hear yourselves kick," said the officeholder, with much warmth. "Too many offices! And here lam so over crowded with work that I have to give up two good hours every day from iny business to attend to my job."—Cin cinnati Inquirer. An Ideal Citizen. The ideal citizen is the man who believes that all men are brothers, and that the nation is merely an extension of his family, to be loved, respected, and oared for accordingly. Such a man attends personally to nil civic du ties with which he deems himself charged. Those whioh are within his own control he woul.d no more trust to his inferiors than he would leave the education of his children to kitchen servants. The public demands upon his time, thought, and money, come upon him suddenly, and often they find him ill-prepared; hut he nerves himself to the inevitable, knowing that in the village, State and Nation, any mistake or neglect upon his part must impose a penalty, sooner or later, upon those whom he loves.—John Habbertou. Water Carried the Current. At a recent fire iu the basement of a Chicago electric power-house, the firemen had great trouble in getting at the blaze. They had to chop holes in the floor of the dynamo-room be fore they could get a stream on tha blazing pile of waste. Not waiting for the dynamos to be shut dowu they crept through the blnok smoke and turned a stream on the flames. In an instant they were flung to the ground with great violence, and tha hose sent flying into the air. A heavy current had passed along the stream and had shooked them. Though un conscious when rescued they quickly recovered.—Electrical Review. A Merles of Coincidences. "** The sixty-second double wedding anniversary was recently celebrated, in a small town iu Indiana, of Moses and Isaao Marty, twins, who married Tabitha and Lavinia McCormick, twins. Each couple has had seven sons and Ave daughters, the first children be ing born within a few days of each other, and the last children also being of almost exactly the same age.—Medi cal Journal. - - —-—-
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers