While Turkey is said to be "bank- ! rupt," the Sultan is believed to be the richest man in Europe. So Mount St. Elias never was a vol cano! Another cherished tradition oi our schooldays gone to smash. Glasgow, Scotland, is a model city j to which people are pointed for an il lustration whenever muuicipal reforms are mentioned. The men who struck it rich in Alaska come back with thrilliug tales to tell. But the most thrilling stories are those of the poor fellows who will never come back. Present appearances indicate, ob serves the Trenton (N. J.) American* that the pension expenditures this year will be larger than for several years past, but they probably will not reach the total of nearly $100,000,000, which WAS attained in 1803. Jf you want to keep down the dust sprinkle it with naphtha. A single application is good for three months. It is reported that the Pennsylvania road will use naphtha along its tracks next year in the expectation that tho nuisance of flying dust can be abated. No matter liow liigli the wind may be, a country road well sprayed with naphtha will maintain a reasonably compact surface. The modern tendency to regard any unusual crime as a symptom of in sanity has received a blow in Ger many, where the perpetrator of one of the most revolting acts of recent years has been declared perfectly sound and sane by the medical experts. Johann Bittner, the man in question, was not only a libertine and a murderer, but a cannibal. His outbreak of primitive Bavagery will undoubtedly be made to cost him bis life. Not all the gold in the world is in the Klondike. Near Bucyrus, Ohio, it is believed, relates the New York World, that 100 pounds of pure gold h°.s been buried ever since tho seven teenth century, when two Frenomen on their way to New Orleans from tho Great Lakes concealed it near an old oak tree. Both men died, and as the Indians feared the spirits of the dead men, the gold was never searched for. Professor Moreliead, of the Ohio State University, and two other men, will begin a search for the buried treasure: The National Department of Labor has /usfc issued a bulletin reporting on the public bath-house system now so firmly established in Europe. It shows that tho movement to provide baths and wash-house facilities, which originated in England in 1812, has spread widely in Great Britain and on the continent and has not yet spent its force. In Germany the baths are mostly of the shower-bath type, which are the cheapest and most satisfactory kind for popular use; and such baths are recommended for this country. An interesting section in tlie Con. gressional Library, at Washington, and an innovation for that institution, will be a section devoted entirely to books tot the blind. This is au idea that Librarian Young has had for some time, and he has set the wheels in motion to bring about its early achievement in fact. There were many volumes in the raised-letter type | in the old library, but, like many othe* good things, they were not available to those they were intended for. These volumes, together with others now be ing purchased, will soon be placed in a separate section in the new library, and every facility will be afforded to the blind who would read. A cata logue is now in course of preparation! also in the raised-letter alphabet. This will contain the titles of nearly a thousand books. In novels and plays the hero is often Teft for dead upon the battlefield, to turn up again at an opportune moment and "live happily forever afterward" with the dear ones who had long thought him dead. A romance of this sort in real life is that of W. E. Lord, cf Pittsburg. Lord, while a mere boy. enlisted in the Union Army at Lake Mills, Wis., and followed the flag to the front in '63. That was the last heard of him. Months grew into years, and the anxious family ut Lake Mills waited in vain for tidings of the cher ished son and brother. None came, and ne was believed to be among the thousands slain. The home at Lake Mills was broken up finally and the family came East. Lord settled in Pittsburg and became Superintend ent of Public Works. He attended the G. A. 11. encampment at Buffalo and learned accidentally of his family's residence in Albany. The joy of the old folk when the long-lost boy appeared to them can be better imag ined than described. PATIENCE WITH THE LIVING. Sweet friend, when thou and I are gone Beyond earth's weary labor, When small shall bo our need of grace From comrade or from neighbor; Passed all the strife, the toil, the care, And done with all the sighing What tender truth shall we have gained? Alus! by simply dying! Then lips too ehary of their praise Will tell our merits over, And eyes too swift our faults to see Shall no defects discover. Then hands that would not lift a stone Where stones were thick to cumber Our steep hill path, will scatter llowers Above our pillowed slumber. | TEDDY TARRION'S CHARGE. | the gleaming stars of an African '• I two men lay on R /— their backs before /> their tent doors—the one, Major Cojdeigli j ► of the Black Lancers, the other, a mere stripling, Edward Tarrion, or Teddy, as his brother subalterns called him. The major was about forty, stalwart and handsome,but his hair was whiten ing at the temples, and his eyes were usually clouded with care. Teddy Tarrison was fresh from school, tall, slight, almost callow in his blandness, but full of the vigor and joy in life,and ho had come like a breath of clear, crisp air to tho older man, hardened and disenchanted by sorrows and dis appointments. A curious friendship had sprung up between them. Teddy's love for his chief was at first talked of among the younger men us a bit of policy, a clever "bootliek." The ma jor's brother officers looked and were interested, for blase and cynical, Cop leigh wasn't in the habit of forming even acquaintances when it wasn't necessary. Still the fondness grew apace, aud the older man had just fin ished telling the subaltern the story of his life. It was a sad story—of his lonely youth, without father or mother, without friends, for a natural diffidence kept him apart from the gay young follows of the set in which he belonged. At last be had met the one being to whom he had poured out the pent up love of his life, a rich, passionate, all absorbing devotion. The girl had loved him and for two years they were tho world and all to each other. Then she had died, leaving him a little girl. The major sighed. "Poor little wo man," ho said, "I'm all she lias in the world, aud should anything ever hap pen to me " "Great heavens, man! What's go ing to happen to you?" Tarrion sat up quickly. Coploigh was silent for several minutes. Then he spoke slowly: "I don't quito know, Ted, but I've got a presentiment—it's been growing 011 me for the past three days. I really think my time's about up for this world?" Tarrion's voice was intense with emotion when 110 answered : "Major, you're under the weather. This unbearable heat and dampness isn't fit for a mau like you. Get leave of absence and go north for a spell. Mainwaring can take your place." But Copleigh shook his head. "It isn't the weather, old chap," he said. "Besides there's going to be trouble here before long and I've got to bo here. Nobody knows these dirty na tives as I do. Don't worry about me." But Tarrion did worry. Tie tossed most at the night, an indescribable dread at his heart, horrible visions of sudden death passing rapidly before his vision. And the next day the Black Lancers made an attack 011 a native band and among others, Major Copleigh was mortally wounded. Ten hours later wheu Tarrion got back to camp, his eyes suffused with blood, bis face blackened wich powder, he was mot by the major's orderly anil requested to come at once to the officer's tent. In less than two minutes Ted Tarrion was in the stuffy tent and 011 his knees beside the rude bed where George Copleigh lay dying. At the sound of tho young man's foostops Copleigh opened his rapidly dimming eyes and smiled faintly. "Oh, my dear, old friend, I'm so awfully sorry " the young man be gan. "Yes," said the other softly, aud speaking with great difficulty, "I'm gone this time. I knew it was coming." He stopped and for a few long mo ments only his weakening breath, coming and going, could be heard in side the tent. At last, with greater difficulty, he went on: "I want to ask you a favor, Ted," lie said, "a great favor. My little girl, you know. She's all alone i>l the world now—and, Ted, I want you to be her guardian. Will you?" Cop leigh's dulling eyes were gazing into his with a wistful intensity not to be resisted. He would have promised him anything. "Of course, I will, old mail, but I'm a bit young—isn't it risky to trust her to me?" The older man shook his head. "You're the straightest, strongest man I know," he said, "and God bless you for your kindness," And then, after a pause. "Will you send Vincent?" lie asked. Vincent was the chaplain. I n half an hour the will of George Copleigh was witnessed ! and signed, leaving Edward Tarrion j the guardian and sole trustee of Ethel j Copleigh, having £2OOO a year. The , girl was then at Mrs. McLain's select seminary for young ladies, of No. ion ! South Kensington Square. Two years later Edward Tarrion was registered at a London hotel. He j was in England again for the lirst ■ time since he had become the guar diau of Major CopJeigh'a daughter. ! Bweot friend, perchance both you and I, Ere Love is past forgiving. Should take the earnest lesson home- Bo patient with the living. To-day's repressed rebuke may save Our blinding tears to-uiorrow; Then, patience, e'en wheu keenest edge May whet a nameless sorrow. 'Tis easy to be gentle when Death's silence shames our clamor, Aud easy to discern the best Tarough memory's mystic glamor; But wise it were for thee and mo Ere Love Is past forgiving, To take the tender lesson home- Be patient with the living. He had, of course, written Mrs. Mo- Lain at once, informing her of the death of Ethel's father, and that, by the late Major's will, he had become her guardian, but that it was impossi ble for liira to leave the service for quite a while, and would like things to go 011 as they had been the past three years. His reply was purely a business one aud thus for nearly a year all communications had come through lawyers. But now, that he was at home once more, his thoughts naturally turned to the little orphan in South Kensington Square. "Jove, I must see her immediately," ho said to himself as he ordered his lunch, and all the while he was eating his chop he laid plans for his afternoon with his little charge. "I'll take her to the Aquarium and the Crystal Pal ace," lie said, with a little chuckle, "and, by George, I'll take her a doll!" He was up and off in a minute and into a cab before the cabby was well awake. "Take mo to the best toy shop in town," he shouted, jubilantly, to the astonished driver, "and be as quick as you can." So off' they rattled, aud before many minutes had passed a strapping big fellow, blond, his face splendidly tanned, was wandering around look ing at the mysteries of a modern toy shop. "I want a doll," he said to a little woman who addressed him, quite un conscious in his now enthusiasm, of her illy concealed smile, "a very big doll—in pink I think, I prefer it. When 110 was at last satisfied, ho bore his bundle to the call aud placed her proudly beside him on tho seat. "And now to South Kensington Square," he called to the driver. When a prim little maid answered his ring at the bell of the imposing, but cheerless house, she was surprised into a spas modic and hysterical little giggle, for there stood a young man, "and such a nice young man," she afterwards told the housekeeper, holding in his arms a gorgeously bedecked doll almost his own size. She came very near shut ting tne door in his face, according to her own confession, but he asked so sweetly for Mrs. McLean and Miss Copleigh and presented two such well appointed cards, that she thought bet ter of it, and showed him, doll aud all, into tho dull nndgbostly state drawing room. The sight of the room nearly sufficed to cool his ardor, still when tho maid had gone, he looked about him for the best vantage ground in which to place his beauty. At length the big shiny green satin sofa was de cided upon and there he sat her down, her skirt spread to its full dimensions, her arms outstretched as if in greeting to her new mistress. He was standing in f**ont of her in rapt admiration, his hands behind him. "That'll fetch her," he said aloud, and then startled by a rustle behind him, he turned quickly. A tall, slight girl stood in the doorway. She was gowned in black, and her exquisite clearness of skin and soft golden hair were shown with marvelous effectiveness. They stood looking at one another, their eyes almost 011 a level, for some long seconds. "Good morning," she said at last, and lier voice was as soft aud sweet as her eyes. "I suppose you are Mr. Tarrion?" and she cauie forward with both hands outstretched. Poor Teddy was more out of counte nance than before. "Are you Mrs. McLnin?" 110 man aged to stammer, blushing through his coat of tan like a school girl. Peal after peal of the gayest kind of laughter echoed through the room. "Oh! oh! oh!" the girl gasped at last, "don't you know who I am?" and thou, catching sight of the big, pink gowned doll on the sMa, she went off in more gales of laughter, so delicious, so irresistible, that Teddy, never loth, joined her, and they didn't stop until their breath failed them. "It was awfully good of you to bring it," said Ethel Copleigh, "and really, I must confess at eighteen, I love them almost as much as at eight. But, tell me, didn't father ever tell you anything about me?" "Not a word," answered Ted, "un til tho night before lie died, and even then he only spoke of you as his lit tle girl, and I thought you were six or eight thereabouts." "And so you brought me a doll?" smiled the girl. "And I was going to take you to the Crystal Palace," he said sadly, and then he added quickly: "But will you come for a drive, instead?" "Mrs. McLaiu is awfully conven tional," she said, "and she won't be home until just in time for tea, and | [ wouldn't dare go without asking j her." j So, notwithstanding his assertion | that he, and ho alone, was the one to bo referred to, they remained at No. 00 South Kensington Square, and by j the time Mrs. McLain arrived were chatting as gayly, as intimately, as if , they had known each other a lifetime. After the schoolmistress' lirst shock j and surprise at his youth were over, ! ail wea.t smoothly, for Teddy's easy. winning courtesy and frankness were not to be resisted. As Teddy told them, his extreme youthfulness as a guardian couldn't be helped any more than could the grown up condition of his ward; yet, certainly, he could have helped going away from No. 00, thinkiug about Ethel Copleigh through all the hours of that night, and he could have helped taking her to the academy the next morning and for a drive in the afternoon, and he could have helped, if he had tried very hard, all the things that happened in the next three weeks. For it must be known that Teddy Tarrion saw more of Ethel Copleigh than was exactly good for either of their hearts. One line day, early in May, out it came. "Ethel," lie said suddenly, "this kind of thing can't go on. It's absurd, and it really ought to stop." "Oh, dear!" she said, in mock dis may, "am I such a nuisance? Because if I am, you really needn't take me about so much." Her brow was puck ered alluringly. "My sweetheart," he said, coming close to her, "can't you understand! I only want to give up the guardian ship to a certain extent. I want you to marry me." "But will they allow it?" Her arms were about his neck now closely. "They—who?" he asked. "You for get—who is the only person who has the right to prevent it?"— Chicago News. Made Humming Bird I lor I'et. Miss Laura Heath, daughter ol Peter Heath, an undertaker, of Lam bertville, N. J., has a unique pet. Several days ago while walking in the garden among her flowers she heard a strang buzzing noise and turning arouud saw a humming bird on a flow er close by. Holding out her hand to it, she was surprised to find that it al lowed her to fondle it. Puttiug it back on the flower she entered the house, and mixing up some water and sugar returned again to the bird. Dipping her finger in the sweetened water she offered it to the bird, which caught at it as it dropped. The bird has returned daily since then for its treat of water and sugar. Strange as it may seem, the bird has found out the bedroom occupied by Miss Heath and every morning before she has arisen from bed pecks against the window pane until she awakens. The food is then given, after which the bird flics away. The bird brought two other humming birds with it yes terday, but when Miss Heath attempt ed to make friends with them and feed them as she did her pet bird the new comers became frightened and disap peared. Several Lambertville citizens have been to see this strunge pet, and vouch for the foregoing.—New York Tele gram. An Untrodden Canttdlnn Wilderness. The vast country north of the Gulf of St. Lawrence is, to the un-commer cial explorer, the most interesting re gion on this continent, if not in the world. For nearly four centuries the ships of civilization have sailed by it, yet, except at the very Avater's edge, there has been no intrusion upon it. The rivers Avhich pour forth from every opening in the hills bear witness that the back country is a net-work of lakes and Avater-courses. Ask the Commis sioner of Crown Lauds of the great Province of Quebec to-day Avhat his department knows of that, region, and he will tell you that it is the least known portion of North America; that only a few of the lakes have been sur veyed; that tAvo exploring parties have recently crossed tho peninsula; that a handful of fishermen's houses fringe the gulf; that for the rest of it, the Avaudering Montagnais Indians are the only tourists Avho traverse half a mil lion square miles of territory. Steam ers go up the Saguenay. Lake St. John is reached by rail. But away to tho northeast is a tremendous tract of country, from Avlienee issue streams greater than the Hudson, the head- Avaters of Avhich 110 Avhite man has ever seen.—Frederick Irlaud, in Scribner's. Stop* Uuituwny Horses. A gentleman Avho makes his home at the Hotel Borkeley is the possessor of a line St. Bernard dog which de serves a gold medal. The dog has de veloped a strong penchant for stopping runaway horses, and tho last time the stop Avas accomplished just in time to save a party of ladies from serious in jury and perhaps Avorse. His master Avas driving doAvn Portland avenue last Saturday Avhen he Avas startled by a cry of "Look out!" He turned, and was just in time to Avlieel his horse out of the Avay of a runaway Avhich Avas tearing down the avenue. Just ahead there Avas a party of ladies who could not possibly escape Avhat seemed cer tain death to some of them, when the dog, Avho had been following and Avho seemed by instinct to comprehend the impending tragedy, gave a leap and caught the lines of the runaAvay be tweoen his teeth, his great Aveight bringing the frightened animal to his haunches just as heAvas about to strike one of the ladies, Avho seemed too ter rified to move. —Minneapolis Timea S Equipping German Artillery. In the most secret manner the Ger man artillery is being equipped with the latest pattern rapid-fire guns. The fact lias just become known in Europe and in this country, and has thrown the European military Avorld into great confusion. For liA'e years the German government has been secretly manu facturing these guns, and nothiug Avas knoAvn of it until a feAv days ago, Avhen the first shipment Avas made from the Krupp works to Straslmrg. Then the matter AVUS discovered by emissaries of the French government. At least 4500 guns, Avhich fire ten shots a min ute, aro to be turned out. The old guns are to be kept in case of emer gency. The total cost of the new ord nance is 370.000.000. Throwing Rlc® and Slippers. In the Ladies' Home Journal Ed ward W. Bok notes the abuse of the pretty custom of casting a small parcel of rice or a dainty slipper after a de parting bride and groom—an unspoken Godspeed. "The dainty slipper," he also says, "has been transformed in to the shoe of doubtful origin, and thrown with force and accuracy, caus ing no end of discomfort. And this is what two pretty customs have degen erated into. They have been vulgar ized, and, therefore, the sooner they pass into disuse the better. The sen timent of the customs has been lost. Bice and shoes are no longer omens of good luck. The modern thrower of them has transformed them into mis siles with which to annoy and mortify the bride and groom. The better class of people have already begun to substitute the shower of rose petals, and this new and far more beautiful idea is rapidly being followed. We might have preserved the old customs, but ( we have not. Henceforth, pro miscuous rice-throwing and the cast ing of old shoes at weddings will be left to the boors of our modern soci ety, into whose hands these acts have fallen, and who seem happiest when they can convert the graceful customs of olden times into practical jokes." Great Vogue For Hopped Silks. There will be a great vogue during the winter season of repped silks of every description and color, corded silk and wool, and all-wool materials. The new silks have ordinary, medium, and extra heavy reps, these appearing in black and a wide range of handsome dyes, both for day and evening dresses. These silks will be used for gowns en tire, and also in combination with other stylish fabrics. Fancy cords with shot or jaspered grounds make more or less elegant and dressy gowns, with often a relief in brocade, moire, or velvet. There are also broche changeable satins shown among new goods at the importing houses, some of exceedingly beautiful quality and lustre that have very faintly shot grounds in two colors, with unusually small broche figures of the one or the other color of the gown thrown upon the surface; for instance, a reseda and rose-colored ground, with a rich damask rose-bud design of min ute size. These will make lovely toi lets for all sorts of occasions, accord ing to the colors in the silk and the degree of decoration employed. Other more showy silks for evening wear are in larger chine effects, that look very much like water-color paintings. Pom padour silks of exceedingly bold pat tern and vivid coloring are designed exclusively for very full-dress occa sions. These silks require to be toned down rather than the contrary by their garnitures or combinations. —New York Post. Practical Women'* Clubs. Our German sisters here at home are much more practical than we are. Most of the clubs of American women are devoted to literature, music, church work, art or education, while most of the clubs of the German wo men in our own land are formed for benevolent purposes, for sick or acci dent insurance, for social games and for housewifery. There is less need of clubs among German women than among Ameri cans. In one rcsjject it must be con fessed these women are very talented. They do not separate the husband, the parents and children as we do. Very few of tho American clubs for men allow women to cross the thresh old except upon "ladies' day" once or twice a year, while u majority of the German clubs not only permit ther members to bring their wives, sisters and daughters, but encourage them in so doing. The two greatest German clubs of New York are the Arion and Lieder kruuz, and in Brooklyn' in the Saen gerbund and Germania it is excep tional not to find the gentler sex in the beautiful halls and magnificent libraries and reading rooms, or the exquisitely furnished restaurants. Our musical societies are too apt to invite only men or only women to their rehearsals, while the German associations invite families rather than individuals. German women's clubs are there fore fewer than those of their Amer ican neighbors. Their benevolent and insurance leagues are extremely in genious and enable a woman of very slender Resources or the wife of a poor husband to have the same phy sician, medicine and attendance as her wealthy sister. Their reading subscription clubs enable each member for a small sum to receive and read the leading week lies and magazines in English and German, and at the end of the year to have a merry lottery i? which they divide, according to chance, all the publications employed during the period. The Housewifery Club of New York is intended to facilitate domestic work. The club itself keeps a list of servants whom they certify after hav ing examined all the references and convinced thomselves of the girl's ability, honesty and faithfulness. Tho member has no trouble in se curing a servant, being obliged only to write a postal card to the club secretary, which is promptly answered by the girl in person. To keep up the girl's interest and enthusiasm the club pays her a prize at the end of a certain time if her work has been sat- isfactory.—New York Mail and Ex press. Gossip. Mrs. Louisa Sebru, of Fayette, Mo. f is said to be the oldest representative of the postal service in this country. She held office in 1812. Miss Mary McLean, daughter of the Rev. J. 0. McLean, of the Pacific Theological Seminary, has aocepted the chair of English literature in Stan ford University, California. Mount Holyoke College has a new elective course to train young women who propose to enter journalism or to teach English, and it is to be tried for the first time the next college year. The Wesleyan College at Macon, Ga., claims to bo the first college in the world to confer a diploma mpon women. In 1810 this college con ferred a diploma upon Mrs. Catherine Brewer Benson. In Louisiana a colored woman passed the necessary medical examina tion and received a license to practice modiciuo. These honors come not without hard work and are rewards of merit, not gifts of favoritism. Teresina Tua, the violinist, now the Countess Franchi-Yerney, has been nominated an officer of the French Academy, having been proposed by M. Hanotaux, Minister of Foreign Affairs. The artist formerly studied at the Conservatory of Paris. French statistics show that there are now 2150 women in France who earn their living as authors or writing for newspapers, while there are only 700 painters and sculptors of that sex. Among the writers are 1000 novelists, 200 lyric poets and 150 who publish children's stories and educational works. The appointment of Elsa Eschels sohn to the professorship of civil law at the University of Upsala, Sweden, recalls the fact that she is the second woman professor of university rank in Sweden. The late Sonya Kovalevsky was appointed professor of mathe matics in the University of Stockholm in 1884. The granddaughter of the natural ist, John James Audubon, Miss Maria Audubon, of Salem, N. Y. , has worked for twelve years in tho translation of her grandfather's unpublished jour nals, which were written in French, the letters being so small that a mag nifying glass was necessary to de cipher many of them. Mrs. Susan B. Anthony In a recent speech at a dinner, given her by the women of Adams, Mass., said: "If you want to do anything in token of the service I have been permitted to do, the way to give that token is to put on your armor and do what you can to secure equality for women, their equal share in government." Mrs. Mary Page, widow of the late Elder D. 1). Page, has been called to the pastorate of the Washington Street Advent Christian Church, Concord, N. H., and she will assume pastoral duties September 1. She was licensed to preach by the New Hampshire Con ference last October, and is tho second woman to be licensed in that State. Fnshlon Notes. A pretty skirt garniture consists of tiny ruffies put on in clusters of three and extending either to the knee or to the waist, according to the height of the wearer* A creamy ecru shade, now so fash ionable, can be given to white lace after washing it by putting strained coffee in the rinsing water until the right color is obtained. Do not fail to run a skirt braid along the under edge of street skirts or linen or heavy cotton goods unless you pre fer to see tho edge cut out after wear ing them a few times. Cornflower blue, with black chan tilly, is a pretty combination. A sym phony in gray is easily achieved by a delicate gray crepe gown and a gray plumed hat, with a glimpse of steel, a tulle bow at the throat of the same shade and a chiffon parasol with jade handle. For present wear are very handsome models in black silk of the new highly repped weave, made with a round waist, trimmed with black velvet rib bon in rows, and a yoke of white lace applique in rich guipure designs. Tho skirt is in the latest three-piece bell shape, which has a bias seam down the back. A novel as well as very charming hat has made its appearance. It is of medium size, made of soft, rose-colored silk tulle over a wire shape, the tulle rather pale in tint and put on very full. The front and top of tho hat are entirely covered with a huge poppy of silk, in shaded pink. It is finished at the back, which is turned up a little, with an artistic black-velvet ribbon bow, with a large and very elaborate cut-steel buckle. The parsols this season are more j elaborate than for some time past, special attention being paid to their linings. These are often of chiffon, ruclied or puffed or kilted, finished at the edge with l&ce frilliugs and bouil lones. One notable specimen of French manufacture has been arranged not only with chiffon, but with roses and butterflies hovering over it. The handles are, of course, very handsome, and bear the oiuier's monogram in jewels. WHEN LQVE GOES A-REAPINQ* Whan Love goes a-reaping The tares are in the wheaj But here and there a flower He fcisses and makes sweet. Bhine, dear, and shower You with Love shail meet; But hitter though tho flower. His lips shall leave it sweett Bark skies abovo, dear- Rod thorns of strife; But one kiss of Love, dear, Sweetens a life! —F. L. STANTON, HUMOR OF THE DAY. She—"Your friend Owen seems to have run into debt pretty deep." Ho —"Run into debt? He scorched." Mrs. Flatbusli—"l wonder what's struck that dog next door? I haven't heard him bark to-day." Mr. Flat bush—"Perhaps it was a trolley." "How do you paint sunrises? You never saw one in your life." "That's no drawback. I paint sunsets and then turn them upside down."—De troit Free Press. She—"Now—listen here—the aver age woman has a vocabulary of only 8000 words!" He—"Yes; but remem ber—she uses them all every day."- Detroit Free Press. "I met your sister on the boulevard this afternoon. She was riding your wheel." "Wrong! You met me, rid ing in my sister's bike suit."—Phila delphia North American. Spriggs—"Hello, old man, I'm aw fully glad to see you out again. I heard that the doctors gave you up." Bowles—"Yes, I guess I'd have died if they hadn't."—Cleveland Leader. "Before a man is thirty he falls in love with every pretty girl he looks at." "Yes?" "And after he is thirty ho falls in love with every pretty girl who looks at him."—Chicago Record. Hobbs—"We had a great century run the other day of the Scorchers' Club. Half the members fell dead at tho end of it." Nobbs—"Why didn't you make it a double century, and kill the rest?"— Hardware. "John, you ought to buy a whole barrel of flour. It's getting higher every day." "I know it is, Martha, and I have been surprised that it doesn't have a more buoyant effect on your biscuits."—Chicago Tribune. Barclay Wyckoff—"So your uncle was eighty-eight years old when he died. Did he retain full possession of his faculties?" Polliam Parker—"l— -er—really couldn't say. The will hasn't been read yet."—Tit-Bits. Chicago Teacher—"ln what year did Columbus land?" Class—(No answer). Teacher—"Come! Can't any of you tell?" Bright Boy—"I don't remem ber th' 'xact year, mum, but it was bo fore the fire."—New York Weekly. One of the surgeons of a hospital asked an Irish help which he consid ered the most dangerous of tho many cases then in the hospital. "That, sir," said Patrick, as he pointed to a case of surgical instruments.—Lon don Tit-Bits. Mother—"How comes it that your shirt is on wrong-side-out and one stocking missing ? Have you been swim ming?" Son—"Well, mother; if you're going to bo an investigating commit tee, I simply can't remember anything about it."—Leslie's Weekly. First Partner —"Gracious! Our bookkeeper has taken ■" Second Partner—"Taken what?" First Part ner — "His life." Second Partner— "Oh, what a relief! I thought you were going to say he had taken some •f our money."—Roxbury Gazette. Positive.—"We have parted for ever," said the young man sadly. "She is never going to even write to mo again." "Are you sure of that?" asked his sympathetic friend. "Yes. She told mo so in each of her last three letters."—Washington Star. The pupils in a school were asked to give in writing the difference be tween u biped and a quadruped. One boy gave the following: "A biped has two legs and a quadruped has four legs; therefore, the difference between a biped and a quadruped is two legs." —Tit-Bits. Talking Shop—"We had au awful accident at our amateur theatricals," said the Sweet Young Thing. "Mr. Pepperton—he is a hotel clerk—was playing the hero, and when it was time for him to shout 'Back!' at the villain, he clear forgot himself and shouted 'Front!' " —lndiauapolis Journal. He was an inquisitive boy, much in terested in business methods, and had just been reading about the New York Stock Exchange. "Father," he said, "in order to buy and sell stocks have you actually got to be in Wall street?" "Not at all," replied his father; "you can live anywhere. In Washington, for instance."—Life. Mrs. Weed —"Are you one of those men who regard all widows as danger ous?" Mr. Green (edging away)— "No, I don't think they're all danger ous. Some of them don't become widows until they have passed the dan ger point." Mrs. Weed—"l wondei if he meant that as a compliment?"- —Cleveland Leader. "You have all sorts of pie, I see by a sign in the window," said the face tious customer as he went into the bakery. "Yes, sir. What kind do you want?" "I will take a magpie, if you please." Another young woman snickered, but the girl turned to her * promptly and said: "Here, Bertha I You're wanted." —Harper's Bazar. Legal Teiuler In Fiji. In Fiji the coinage consists chiefly of whale's teeth, those of greater value being died red. The natives exchange twenty white teeth for one red one, as we change copper for silver. Lightning For KheumatUm. JA New Jersey policeman who was struck by lightning the other day claims that it cured a chronic er so of rheumatism.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers