Bismarck is tired of life. He says tliat he takes DO interest in anything. His -wife is dead, agriculture bores hitn, and he is weary. Saysthe Chicago Tribune: "Colonel Watterson is not a prophet of evil, but he sees trouble ahead unless the trusts change their methods. There is—for the trusts." Length in female clerks is required for some reason by the British post office, which proposes to discharge all girls who at nineteen are not live feet two inches tall. The most unfortunate being on earth is the man who can sing a little or play the piano a little. He is mado unhappy by being constantly asked to parade his lack of ability, and makes others unhappy by consenting. Dr. Lyman Abbott, who occupies Beeoher's old pulpit in Plymouth Churoh, Brooklyn, is having trouble with some conservative preachers in his denomination because he said the book of Jonah in the Bible "belonged to 6&roastic literature." Canada does not seem to know how to manege her poetoffice like tho mother country. The report for the year ending 30th of June, 1896, shows a deficit of 6611,587, or about $30,000 le6B than the previous year. The ex penditures for the year reached $3,605,601. • ---- - The Orange Judd Farmer announces that tho value of farm unimals in creased $27,000,000 during 1896 and that the turning point has come to the period of long depression in live •took. This journal makes an annual estimate of this sort, aud the result of its investigation is very encour aging. ________ Some railway building was done last year in the countries bordering our own on the north and south. Our records show 232 miles of track laid in Canada on ten lines, and 161 miles in Mexico on seven lines, and final re turns will probably increase this some what; while there is prospect of a con siderably gre&tez addition during the present year. Horatio Hale, who died recently in Canada, is the author of a paper pub lished in Appletons' Popular Science Monthly concerning Indian Wampum Records ; aud it is claimed that the use of wampum as money and the record ing of events by means of patterns traced on wampum belts are evidences of high intelligence on the part of the red man in times gone by. Professor LudwigEdingor, whose ad dress is twenty, Gartnerweg, Frankfurt ou-the-Main, has issued au appeal to anglers all over the world to send him Jny fish stories, the result of personal observation, that tend to show the possession by fish of memory—that is, of the powor to profit by individual experience by avoiding or seeking the duplication of conditions which have oad painful or pleasurable effects upon them. There is a general improssion that fish do have this faculty in some degree, thongu certain acts of theirs, like seizing a second hook with jaws torn and bleeding from tho wonnds just inflicted by a first, would seem to disprove. The question is one of im portance to psychologists and physi ologists, for the reason that in the Higher vertebrates the brain cortex is lupposed to be the seat of memory. Sow, no fish have a brain cortex, and If tbev really can remember anything ind are u' t mere automata, moved by instinct, tnen the theories in regard to memory in men and animals muy Have to be revised. There are some people foolish enough to laugh at the homely virtues of a farm life. They are fortunately few, and they are fortunately growing fewer. But it is well sometimes to look at the list of great men who came up from the farm—not all of them, for that would fill a thousand volumes, but some of the most able ones that Bash into mind in a moment. Nearly three-fourths of the men who have been chosen by the people for the great offices of the Nation are men who were early familiar with wooded hills aud cultivated fields, says the Kansas City Times. For example, Lincoln, Grant, Garfield, Hamlin, Greeley, Tildeti, Harrison, Hayes, Blaine and many others almost equally conspicu ous in current events or living memo ry. Among journalists, Henry Wat terson spent his early life in rural Kentucky, nnd Murat Halstead was born and lived on a farm in Ohio. Whittier and Howells spent their youth in villages, the former dividing his time between farm employment and his Btudies. Follow the list out yourself and see how long it will be come. HOPE'S PROMISE. While the life cf a man Moveth smoothly along And his walks lie apart From the sorrowing throng. He may coolly decry Faith' 9 "unreasoning prayer" And assert with a calm, Philosophical air That tho grave is tho sum Of Humanity's gains— The reproach and reward For its pleasures aud pains: But Philosophy flees From the presence of Woe Like an fitly abashed In the face of the foe. O. parent whoSfe eyes Deathless longing revealed In that glance ere by Death They were silentlv scaled} O, babe that has passed To the Presence above, Art thou gone for all time From tho presence of love? And thou who wa9t more Than all mortals else dear, Art thou lost to the soul That was one with thee here? Ah! 'tis false; sophists turn From the lowly that grieve, But the Father sends hope Unto them that believe. And their hear.'s iu tho years Tlr y thereafter abide Are tho sweeter because Of Hope's promise inside. —Frank Putnam, in Chicago Times-Herald. HtM'S BKTKOTHAL. N one of the turret 'f-vf® M rooms of Reitzen \TSlß berg Castle a ail young girl, arrayed , A in a simple dress and white apron, l x llliWit 8 "' eewinsr iudns triously. At the sound of footsteps ' B ' le penned in her w§- work ; at the sight " °f & hussar officer *"" ? in uniform she red dened with vexation. Yet there was nothing in Alhrechtvon Reitzenberg's appearance to annoy her; on the con trary, he was young, very good-look ing, tall, and of dignified bearing. "Will yon allow me to come in?" he asked, standing on the threrhhold. The girl took up her work again. "You can come in if yon wish?" she said, indifferently. He walked across the room. I have a proposal to make to you, Baroness Irma. Will you give me yonr atten tion for a little while?" She looked at bim indignantly ; she had a sweet oval face and deep gray eyes. "I prafer not to listen to yon, Count Albreclit." "I thought that you would say so !" (there was something like a ring ot triumph in his voice), "but indeed mv proposal is very harmless. Let us come to an understanding." There was uncertainty, distrust, in her eyes. "Yes," continued the young officer, "I know that you have every reason to be offended. You have been most un fairly treated." "I have been invited to this house under false pretences. I came because I thought that the visit would give pleasure to Trail von Wolde, who tills, or is supposed to till, tho place of my mother. lam sorry to speak disre spectfully of your cousin, but"-—— "Not at ali. You are perfectly right, . and my relative Frau Von Wolde is in the plot, and has been from the beginning. I know all about it now. My old uucle has just en lightened me. las tho heir of Reit zenberg Castle— you will excuse my mentioning my name first?—havo re ceived orders to offer my haud and my debts, in marriage, to the Bar oness Irina von Buchow, who, on at taining her majority, will become pos sessed of so large a fortune that she could free the Reitzenberg estate with a stroke of her pen. Nay, hear mo out; this lady was to have been kept in ignorauco of the plan, hut that ber friend and chaperone could not resist the temptation of giving ber a hint as to how matters stand, after sho had become the guest of tho castle. Is this so?" "Yes." Hhe stood by his side now, and the sunlight just touched the coils of her auburn hair. "I haye been de ceived, cruelly deceived." "Under the oiroumstauces, nothing remains for me but to give you the opportunity of expressing yonr opin ion as to this tyrannous family com pact even more decidedly than you have done already. Baroness Irma of Buchow, will you consent to give me your hand iu marriage?" "Count Albreoht of Reitzenberg, 1 thank you for the honor which yon have shown me. I will not." They stood facing each other, and as irma looked at her strange wooer she saw a faint smile in his eyes. Her own anger was beginning to evaporate; he really was behaving well, consider ing that the Reitzenbergs were re nowned for their hasty tempers. "You admit," she said, after a pause, "that I have been awkwardly placed." "I admit that you have been inhos pitably, abominably treated I I blush to think that a member of our family could havo dreamed of such a scheme. In order to show you how penitent I am, now that I have received my dis missal, I will immediately leave this house and rid you of my presence." "If you do that, Count Albrecht, 1 shall be worse off than ever. You don't know your cousin, Frau vou Wolde. She will insist upon my re maining here for three months as was arranged, she will reproach me for your absence, she will argue aud make me dislike you more than ever, if"—- "If possible?" His good humor was irresistible; she burst into a merry laugh. For another half hour the rejected suitor remained in conversation with the heiress, and at the end of that time they, too, had a plot. Albrecht was to remain ut the castle, he aud tho Baroness Irma were to pretend to bo on amicable terms, and the two con spirators (the Count and tho chaper one) were not to learn until the last day of the visit expired that their hopes had failed. "I will endeavor to make your visit as little irksome to you as possible," explained the heir of Reitzenberg; "and wo can behave as if there were no enmity between ÜB." "Yes" (there was stili a little doubt iu her voice aud manner), "1 think that I can trust you." "Come," ho said gently, "Baron ess Irmu, 'is it a truco between us signod aud sealed?" He took her haud in his, and, bend ing over it, raised her lingers to his lips. The master of tho Castle was the first to begin hostilities. One day, toward the end of the three months' visit, Irma came into the drawing room to find the whole party awaiting her arrival, and in an instant she per ceived that something was wrong. Frau von Wolde had been shedding tears, the old Count's brow was cloud ed with anger, and Albrecht I —lrma hardly dared to look at him, so changed was his aspect. It was too clear that the teruiiuatiou of the pleasant companionship of the last few weeks was to lie war. "My dear Baroness Irma," said the Count, advancing to meet his young guest with ceremonious politeness, "I am exceedingly pleased to see you. Your visit here has given me great satisfaction. You honored this house with your preseuce, with the full con sent of your guardian and my esteemed cousin, Fran vou Wolde. I had hoped, not without grounds, that the friend ship between you and my heir was gradually ripening into a deeper and more lasting feeling. The alliance is one which must give satisfaction to all interested iu our families. Imagine my distress on hearing to-day from my nephew that yon have refused his proposal of marriage." Irma looked toward Count Albrecht; something that she read iu his wrath ful inieu made her hesitato as she an swered: "It is quite true; we are friends, and nothing more." "It cannot be, my dear joung lady, that so young a maiden should have given away lior preference without the consent or knowledge of her guardian? Answer me candidly : are your affections already engaged? The color surged into lrma's cheeks and left them pale again. She glanced at Fran von Wolde. There was no help for her there. "This is a ques tion which yon have no right to ask, Count Reitzenberg, nnd which I refuse to answer. I must beg you to ex cuse me." "The Baroness Buchow is right!" burst in Albrecht. "She has suffered enough at our bauds already. Sho shall not be thwarted ia her will. If she honors mo with her friendship, I accept it gratefully. Listen to me, my uncle, I refused to be a pnrty to your scheme." Ho roso and held the door wide open. There was no smile on his face now ; his eyes wore full of trouble as they rested on hers. He did not offer to take her hand in farewell. He stood there in mute distress as she passed by —a fair, girlish figure in her white dress, her laoes and blue ribbons—and she passed him without a word. The truco between them was oyer. The forest spread its wide wings eyen as far as the Castle garden. Irma loved the green path and quiet shades, and here she cams with lier book the morning after her interviow with the Count, aud pretended to read. But, though sho kept her eyes on tho pages, sho read there only Count Albrucht's parting words—ho accepted her offer of friendship gratefully I Driven to bay, as it were, in order to save her, that was what he had said. During the last three months she had come to understand something of his upright ness, his high sense of honor. He would never marry a woman—though sho were a princess—to whom he could not givo his love. "It was my fortune," sighed Irma, "that made him nearly hate mo at first." Did he hate her now? Sho shut up her book aud wandered still further into tho wood, down a hillside covered with fern and moss, toward tho stream that ran between high rooks, chattering and foaming on its way. On the further side of tho stream was a tract of open country, dotted with clumps of trees and un derwood and bright with heather. The stepping-stones were half covered with water to-day; the current was running fiercer than its wont. She bethought herself of a rustic Jbridge a few yards further down. The bridge hung high iu the air, sup ported by rough piue stems ; it was a picturesque but a fragile afiair. Half way across Irma put her hand on the rail—how noisy the stream was!—it snaped off at her touch, one wooden plank tottered under her feet, another fell with a splash into the water be low. She had plenty of conrage ; she was light and active. She knew, moreover, that she could easily leap that formidable-looking gap aud gain the bank. She was about to make the ] attempt, when she was stopped by a peremptory shout: I "Gently, gently I Jump from that | projecting stem ; it is safe I" Sho looked up ; on the edge of the lieather-covered rock stood Albrecht Reitzenberg. She paused uncertain, half inclined to retrace her steps. Perceiving her : hesitation, he raised his voice and shouted still louder above the clamor j of the rushing water: "Jan yon hear me, Baroness Irma?" She nodded assent. "Step there—to the left. Do not look book!" Involuntarily she obeyed. He hold out his arms, the gulf yawned between them, he could be of no help. "Tho stem will bear your weight. Do not be in too great a hurry." ("Why does ho look so grove?" thought Irmu; "is ho still ailgry?") "X had better return tlie way I came, Count Albreoht. Do not trouble on my account." "No; do as I direct you. You see which is the best place to stand? Drop your book, it might be in your way, and jump as far as you can. Now!" One spring, and Irma was safe on the moss and keathor, while the plank ou whioh she had thought to stand slipped slowly but surely into the foaming wator. Albrecht held her hands clasped in his. "Thank Heaven that you are safe!" he cried. "Oh! Irma, my Irma, I could not stop you. I came just too late for that. X could only look on in agony. Are you frightened? Are you hurt?" "1 am not hurt. I did not know that it was dangerous; I did not, in deed." She saw him turn pale at the thought of her peril, and the tears which she had not shed for herself fell fa3t for his distress. "The bridge should have been de stroyed long ago; it shall be done to day. 1 did not dare to join you, or to speak till you had passed the worst. If you had been killed—ah 1 I cannot bear to think of it—l should never have known another day's happiness and it would have been my fault— mine ! How could I let you wander about alone when I was longing to be with you? My Irma, my best-beloved 1 Thank Heaven that I have you safe at last. Surely we have played ot being friends and enemies long enough? Look at me and say that you love me!" When he had made lier an offer of marriage three long months ago she had been ready with her refusal. Now, when her whole heart was his, she could find no words amid her tears except, "X love you! I love you!" It was enough for him. "Mv bride, my wife!" he said, and held her in his arms. The green ferns rustled and whis pered, the beecheß tossed their boughs in the sunlight, the red squirrels played in the oak trees, the whole wood was full of life and joy at that moment when tho lovers plighted their troth.—The Woman at Home. A Frightful Record. The old French convention lasted three years, one mouth and four days, says the New York Tribune. It had 749 members and passed '11,210 de crees. Of its 749 members fifty-eight were guillotined—Duray, June 26, 1793, being tho first and Bishop Huguet the last, October 6, 1796; eight were assassinated and two shot; fourteen committed suicide ; live died of grief: six perished iu abject misery ; three died ou the highway, to be eaten by dogs; one, Armonville, the last wearer of the rod oap, perished in a drunken fit; four died mad ; two were killed in the army; one was carried away by the Prussians and nevor heard of; three died suddenly ; one expired in prison; one fell dead of joy on learning that Bonaparte had disem barked at Frejus; 138 perished in exile or in penal settlements, twenty-threo were never heard of from the dato (of the eighteenth Brumaire; sixty-five vanished after the coronation of Na poleon, and twenty-five died in pov erty and obscurty. The convention had sixty-three presiding ofticors, of whom eighteen were guillotined and eight transported; twenty-two were outlawed and six sentenced to im prisonment for life; four died iu madhouses and three committed sui cide. Italy's Deserted Cities. No more romantio plaoes exist than the deserted cities of Italy. They are to be found all over the country, but chielly in tho marsh of Ancoua and the old grand duchy of Tuscany. In these you may see great marble pal aces, to which u bit of string does duty as a bell-pull; and, if you enter, you will find a corner of some grand saloon, often with a ceiling by an il lustrious artist, screened off for the inhabitant to live in. The inhabitant may be some Italian or English lady, who has the smallest possible inde pendence, and she may get such a pal ace, where some Cardinal or Marcheso formerly lived, for a very few pounds a year. Trapped a Hear in Ilia Cart, William Deloug, a Garrnel (Penn) butcher, while returning homo from a trip to a neighboring town saw a big bear standing iu the road ahead of the wagon. The brute ambled to the rear of the wagon, raised himself into it and proceeded to feast ou n ten-pound leg of mutton which was hanging in side. One of the bear's paws acci dentally struck a lever and the doors flew shut. Delong lashed the horseß and drove toward Carmel, four miles away. The bear tried to get out and stuok his head through a glass near Delong's face, but could not get out. Beaching Carmel the bear was shot.— New York Press. A Three-Legged lioosti-r. Garret Dalton, who lives between Carbondale, Penn., and Honesdale, is the owner of a three-legged rooster. 'The third leg is used principally as an instrument of battle, and it has oaused many a game oock to crow its last crow. The bird has another peculiar ity—it will crow only at certain hours of the day—at 6 o'clock in the morn ing, at noon and at 6 o'clock in tbe evening, Mr, Dalton's eating hours.— New York Press, OAPKS IX POULTRY. As a general rule, poultry on the farm are much freer from disease than poultry which is got under more artificial circumstances. There is one disease which is often more prevalent on the farm than in other places and more especially where the surround ings of a farm are old nud have been long iu occupation. The disease is one which i 3 very fatal to young poultry especially, and no steps should be left untaken to get rid of it. The gapeworm to which wo refer is rapidly picked up bv chickens and turkeys from the soil, ou which the ova of this parasite has been disposed in a nutural way by tho older birds. Many poultry keepers on the farm often wonder at their non-.succcss in increasing their flocks, nnd wo have frequently seen cases where a great loss has been sustained through the dying off of nearly all the whole sea sou's production of young turkeys, where these have been raised for inauy years. Wo have seen orchards and fields, where poultry have been kept for inaDy successive seasons,thorough ly contaminated, and where it has been impossible to successfully raise poul try. Frequently people do not recog nize the cause of this, though iu some eases we have known farmers to be awaro of it and refuse to take the necessary means to put an end to it. Where the laud has become fouled in this manner, it should be well dressed with lime, and all poultry should be kept from it for two or three years, ifvpossible. Not only is infection conveyed by the ova which is tuxen up from the soil, but it is also contracted through drinking water which has become pol luted through the medium of the older fowls and birds. Another precaution to (be taken is the destruction by burning of the heads and necks of the birds which huve suffered from this disease. There are several remedies which are used for fowls suffering from this disease, most of them well known to farmers, but the best one of all is that of prevention, whioh can be successfully adopted if any moderate amount of care is exercised in the raising of poultry on the farm. anowixa EARLY LAMBS. In n recent letter from Professor Thomas Shaw, of thu Minnesota ex periment station farm, to the Farm, Stock and Home, he says that where winter lambs are. not grown, there is still an open door for the grower of early lambs. Almost any breed of sheep properly fed and managed will drop lambs as early as February. Now, suppose the grower can obtain his lambs in February, or even early in Maroh, and if ho feeds them well he can put them on the market in about sixty days, and can get a butter price for them than later lambs will bring that are kept through the sum mer. To better illustrate this point I will give a bit of experience with such lambs at our experiment farm. We hs.ve some very common grade ewes that were purchased for tho reason that they could be used in pasturing off green crops sown iu tho summer. As this was practically an untried field it was feared there would be some loss in the animals thus pastured. So it was thought better to have them of the common sorts, Bince they would serve for grazing as well as the pure breeds without as great financial haz ard, These owes wero mated with a Dorset ram ; and let it be noted hero that this ram had nothing to do with the early breeding of the ewes in this instance, as they were not possessed of any Dorset blood. Tho time of breeding would have been the same with any other ram. They dropped lambs from tho last day of February until about the 20tb day of March. As the females were wanted for breed ing useß the lambs were not put upon forced ration, nor were their dams. The food was such as was deemed suitable for breeding ewes nursing lambs that wero to be retained. It consisted of bran and oats, with a little oil-CAko added, also hay of a somen hat inferior quality, aud a taste of roots. The ram lambs were sold May 5 at seven cents per pound, live weight. Belling them thus early was an afterthought, or they could have been put upou the market sooner nnd nt a better price. They wero of an average ago of fifty-seven days when sold. The average weight was 41 1-5 pounds, and the average price received for them was 82.88 per lamb. This, of course, was not a large sum, but the point to be made here is that it is more than the average lamb brings in the uutumn, after it has been kept all summer. If the lambs had been dropped in February and sold about the closing days of March or the early days of April they would have brought a much better price, and there is no real difficulty in getting iambs thus early after one has been able to select for a year or two. But there's no use in trying to raise early lambs without first having a fairly warm place for the ewes when they drop their lamhs. It should not of neoessity be a costly place, for poles and an abundnuce of straw will suffioe for material. After the lambs are two or three days old they will amply take oare of themslves under ordinary oon ditious as are considered suitable for old sheep. And there must be plenti ful supplies of good food ou hand, such food includes almost any kind of early cut and nioely cured hay, pre ferably clover, wheat bran aud oats, with oil cake in the absence of roots. Some corn or barley may also be used with much advantage. Where roots can be fed they are great producers of milk. And when lambs are sold thus early the ewes may also be sold to much better advantage than when sold in the fall. FARM AND GARDEN NOTES. A cheaply constructed manure shed would be a most paying investment on many farms. When weeds grow in the field the field is too large or the farmer too lazy. The size of the field and the in dustry of the farmer should corre spond. If you must double crop the orchard don't sow oats, but plant somo hoed crop; put on more manure that the crop will consume and give thorough tillage. Superfluous branches on the trees are like weeds in the cornfield—a use lesn drain upon the resources of tree and soil and an injury to the crop. Cut the rascals out. For best results in wool, as well as in other respects, the sheep must be kept on tho upgrade. A check in growth always injures the fleece. As spring approaches watch the iambs closely; they must produce growth of both fleece and carcass—a double de mand—and should have extra feed aud attention. It does not pay to work with dull or otherwise iuuflicieut tools. Bad plows, broken harness, poor teams and un successful farmers are .usually found together on the poorest farms. The disease of inefficiency is contagious and is sure to spread from one to an other until every factor of the furm problem is down with it. Grass is king of all tho products of the field ; it nourishes more of Go'd's creatures than all other products com bined. In clothing the earth with a carpet of grass the Almighty knew what Ho was about. But vain man thinks he knows beet, and labors to destroy grass enough to support two oxen that he may grow corn enough to feed a calf. The trouble with people who are supplying fresh eggs is that they be come careless, and if they find a nest full of eggs that look clean, they will turn them in whether they know their age or not. That is 110 way to keep a trade for fresh eggs. Neither will dirty eggs help a fresh egg trade. In fact, dirty eggs sell for less than clean ones on the general market. If a wagon for each of the riggings is not at hand there should be some convenient method provided to lift the boxes and racks on and off the wagon. A framo for the box, hay rack, wood rack, etc., built as high as the hind wheels of tho wagon, upon which to keep them, will be better than lifting them off the ground. Con trivances for lifting are sometimes expensive. If you allow a draught of air to flow over your fowls at night, tho proba bility will be that you will find their heads and eyes swollen in the morn ing. The first thing to do is to remove the cause by stopping up the cracks of tho ventilator hole at the top of tho poultry house. The best romedy is to anoint the head and eyes with a few drops of a mixture of one part of spirits turpeutine and four parts sweet oil. Chestnuts give early and regular re turns, with little or no cost for care or culture, with a certainty of finding a ready market. They are a concen trated product, thus lessening the per centage of freight deduction, and are not perishable, like pears, strawberries and milk, which necessitate expedi tious and expensive shipping and prompt sale. Competition is scanty, but pioneers report such profit as to soou insure increased numbers. The Oldest Beak. The oldest book in the world. to which a positive date can be assigned, is au assortment of proverbs somewhat after the stylo of the proverbs col lected by Solomon. The work is ac credited to Ptah-hotep, an Egyptian King, and Egyptologists assign to it an antiquity of at least 3000 years B. C. Abraham was called to leavo his home in Ur of the Chaldees, 19-1 B. C., so that this volume was written 1100 years before the beginning of Hebrew history. The deluge is placed by most chronologists at B. C. 2318, so the book, if its dating is correct, must have been written before the flood. Methuselah was born B. C. 3317, so thut this papyrus was pre pared and these proverbs were col lected when the oldest man on record was a lively young fellow of about 300 years.—St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Stanton Was Doubtful. Perhaps the most brilliant achieve ment of Frank Thomson, the new President of the Pennsylvania Rail road, was the construction of new lines of railway and the reconstruc tion of abandoned ones in Virginia. He wa3 then only twenty, and it is related that Secretary Stanton, on taking his advice, said to Colonel Scott: "Is it possible that we have waited for three days to get the opinion lof that red headed stripling?" The "stripling" is now at the head of the greatest railroad system in the world. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. BTOEIE3 THAT ARE TOLD BY THB FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Sentiment and Frugality—That's All —A Domestic Use A llrlgW Groom—l-roof Positive. Etc., Etc. Each day his roses us surprises Come. If he knew, the stupid thing, That in two months at present prices He'd save enough to buy a ring! —Lift THAT'S ALL. "He's a poet, isn't he?" "Oh, no. He merely writes verses for a valeDtine publisher."—Life. FIXE CHOICE OF WORU3. Editor—"l see yon have written an article on the boarding-house." Assistant—"Yes, sir." Editor—"Rehash, isn't it?"- Truth. JUST THE TROUBLE. "Yes, I've been bunting for him all day. He seems very much engaged, lately." "Ho is; and both girls have found it out."—Puck. AUDIENCE SUPPLIED TOE EOOS. The Villain —"We made a bad mis take last night. In the barnyard scene we forgot the eggs." The Comedian—"Yes, but the audi ence didn't." BNOUBH. She (at the masquerade ball) —"Do yon think my costume becoming?" He (withenthusiasm) —"Yes,indeed; but you would be lovely in any dis guise."—Harper's Bazar. A DOMESTIC USE. "It is certainly wonderful how muoh science can do for us." "Yes; Mrs. Froutrow has learned to hypnotize her baby, and ahe didn't miss a club meeting tbe whole week." —Cleveland Record. ENTANGLED. "Husband, I think Mr. Woozle is very much in love with our Clara." "Has he proposed to her ? ' "No, but ho stole her photograph taken at three weeks—out of the family album."—Chicago Record. GROUND FOR THE ACCUSATION. Papa—"l ought to havo that young fellow arrested for trying to get money out of me on false pretences." Mamma—"Why, he's coming here three or four times a week pretending he's in love with Maud."—Puck. END OF THE HONEYMOON. She—"l'm euro you love me no longer. Now do not dony it. I can see tho change in you. I'm no fool. You Bhould have married somebody stupider." He —"I couldn't find one."—Judy. NOT BUNCOED, ANYWAY. "Certainly," rejoined the Circassian girl, "we are sold when we are mar ried, and it doesn't take us six months or a year to hud it out, either." Aud the beautiful barbarian glowered hack at her sister of civilized estate.— Detroit Journal. A BRIGHT GROOM. New Irish Groom (to feed store) "Sind me up two bags of oats aud a bale of straw." Voice from feed storo —"All right. Who for, sir?" Groom—"The horse, ye blamed fool, ye."—Punch. PRECISE. Counsel—"Well, after the witness gave you a blow, what happened?" Prisoner—"He gave mo a third one." Counsel—"You mean a second one." Prisoner—"No, sir; I lauded him the secondione."—Fun. ILLEGAL. ' The Court—"What 1 is your age, madam?" TheiPlaintiff—"Musttl answer?" The-Court —"You must." The plaintiff—"Why, Judge, I thought peoplo didn't havo to testify agaiustithemselves."—The,'Green Bag. PROOF POSITIVE. Realty Agent (exhibiting flat, beam ingly)— "To prove to you that the walls are perfectly sound-proof 1 havo just run over into the next flat and told the,gentleman there to play the piano." Mr. Flatleigh (wearily)—" Yes; my wile and I heard you telling him to play very softly."—Puok. HE CUT NO ICF. , "I can get you a job at'eutting ice if you want it," said the member of the Association for extending Assistance to the WorthyjPoor. "I'm much obliged," 6aid Perry Patetio, "butieeeiu' as how I don't out uo ice socially, 1 guess I might jist as well keep it,up aloug other lines aud not bust me reputation."—Cincinnati Enquirer. Medicinal Spring iu Indiana. The water of a spring near Bioh' mond, Ind., is said to have rare medi oinal properties, and the blaok mud found about the Bpring is alleged to have caused many wonderful cures during the past few months. Mr. Reed, the owner of the spring, makes no charge whatever lor the water 01 mud, and hundreds of gallons are taken away each mouth by citizens ol: Richmond. There are a nnmber of prominent people who attribute their complete oure of rheumatism to the use of this remarkable water, and to> the application of tbe mud upon the afflioted parte.—Chicago Chronicle.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers